N.R.A. Opposes Raising Minimum Uzi Age to Ten

[TBF]

This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by Rhiannon12866 (a host of the General Discussion forum).

Disclaimer: relax, it's satire (although admittedly it's hard to tell these days)


Andy Borowitz
Wednesday, August 27 at 5:30pm (Facebook)

N.R.A. Opposes Raising Minimum Uzi Age to Ten

WASHINGTON - The National Rifle Association came out strongly on Wednesday against calls for raising the minimum age for firing an Uzi to ten. The N.R.A. chief Wayne LaPierre said that taking Uzis out of the hands of Americans under ten was "a perilous first step" towards depriving all citizens of their constitutionally guaranteed gun rights. "History teaches us that when a government wants to take away people's guns, first they take semiautomatic weapons away from children," he said.

[napi21]

1. What is the minimum age now?

I honestly never knew there was such a thing.

[aikoaiko]

2. It was set at 5 years of age when the Firearms Owners Protection Act was passed in 1986.

Supervision is required until the age of 18.

[tridim]

4. Pre-schoolers should not be handling death machines. Wow.

[aikoaiko]

6. 5 years is kindergarten I think, not preschool.

[Crunchy Frog]

9. Plenty of 5 year olds in preschool.

My sons turned 5 in January, and don't start Kindergarten till September.

[aikoaiko]

12. I guess some kids are in preschool at 5. Still its a fine minimum.

Of course tragic events will occur, but you have to set the minimum somewhere.

[blue neen]

30. Whether a 5 year old is in kindergarden or pre-school is completely irrelevant.

On the other hand, the fact that you tried to draw a distinction there is very relevant.

"Of course tragic events will occur, but you have to set the minimum somewhere." How cold, how crass, how obscene.

[aikoaiko]

33. I'll help you out. The OP and my responses are satire.

There is no minimum age, no new minimum age was proposed, the NRA didn't fight any proposed minimum age criteria, etc., etc., etc.

No child should be shooting automatic weapons -- especially not UZI pistols that are notoriously difficult to manage.

[blue neen]

35. I got that the OP was satire.

If your response was also satire, I apologize. My mistake.

[madinmaryland]

10. Plenty of people in the NRA and GOA that have the mental ability of a 5 year old, also. nt

[aikoaiko]

14. Fortunately Jason Carter has a much higher mental age for a NRA Democrat.

[madinmaryland]

19. NRA Democrat? Now there is an oxymoron I have not heard in a while. Nt

[aikoaiko]

22. Life is full of interesting contradictions or juxtapositions.

[madinmaryland]

23. No, actually it is not. There is no such thing as an NRA Democrat...

Because the NRA and their fanboys support NO Democratic candidates.

[aikoaiko]

25. That is factually untrue.

They sometimes do endorse Democrats over Republicans when the Democrat is better on the RKBA.

[madinmaryland]

26. Unfortunately you are incorrect...

"They sometimes do endorse Democrats over Republicans when the Democrat is better on the" NRA and Gun Industrial Complex.

[aikoaiko]

28. It would be nice if firearms were free, but the people who make and sell them do like to get paid.

I'm glad the NRA endorsed John Barrow (D) over his republican opponent.

edited out link to NRA press release.

Here is JohnBarrow's campaign video.

[madinmaryland]

29. A link to the NRA's lobbying arm? Is that allowed here?

[aikoaiko]

34. Yes, because it is a press release about supporting a Democrat.

Are you against supporting Democrats for reelection?

ETA: I deleted the link to the NRA because I've seen too many bad hides on DU lately, but I substituted it with a John Barrow (D) campaign ad addressing the same point. Cause I'm all about making you happy.

[madinmaryland]

38. Well, yes there are reasons...

Joe LIEberman.

[Fred Sanders]

3. Freaky fascist NRA and their distorted views on firearms is rotting American society.

9 year olds have no business being around guns if Jesus himself was the instructor.

What are they all thinking, that the kids may need to be called up to fight the ever present just around the corner government tyranny?

Gun makers make guns, the NRA sells the fear that sells the guns. The symbiotic relationship is a match made in hell.

Why not set the age limit at 0, or upon formation of the zygote, do they not have the right to bear arms....at least when they have them?

[Maedhros]

5. It makes sense when one looks at gun ownership as a spiritual endeavor or a religion,

and the gun as a spiritual totem or fetish.

Naturally, parents want to instill their own spiritual and religious values in their children.

[Fred Sanders]

13. The fetish of the gun, it is a cult, less a religion, but same delusions and worship of idols.

"'Do not make idols or set up an image or a sacred stone for yourselves, and do not place a carved stone in your land to bow down before it. I am the LORD your God."

The children never listen.

[jmowreader]

16. Hijacking the thread for just a second...

Reconcile Exodus 20.4, which says:

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

with

[Fred Sanders]

39. Some will take it as merely a suggestion.

[AlbertCat]

36. One gun will keep you safe, but 2 guns will keep you twice as safe!

The gun is a talisman for protection and strength. You can now wear one around your neck in public like a cross or St Christopher or Star of David to show your belief in its miraculous powers!

[joeybee12]

7. Freedom!

Why do you hate America????



KNR

[TBF]

17. ...

[madinmaryland]

27. It's called "free-dumbs", joey.

[Eleanors38]

8. For Gun Porn, that thing is still ugly. nt

[madinmaryland]

11. Well, I can see why the NRA is pissed. It would preclude most, if not all of their members from

owning and using guns.

[moondust]

15. More like Disneyland in the future.

Last edited Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:18 PM - Edit history (1)

Chris Hayes interviewed the owner of "Bullets and Burgers" on his show tonight. The owner said they will review their policies and maybe instead of letting age decide who gets to shoot what they will go by physical size--like they do at Disneyland.

Borowitz, out-Borowitzed by reality!

[TBF]

18. I can't even have the Onion on my facebook feed

anymore - I always think they are real stories when I read them. It's crazy!

[AlbertCat]

20. It's Andy Borowitz ...people!

[LiberalElite]

24. thank you - i'm calming down now...

[AlbertCat]

31. The GOP, (and the NRA)

have rendered satire impotent.

[LiberalElite]

32. It's true -

they're so far OUT THERE that the wildest made up stories still seem plausible.

[Iris]

21. Unfortunately, this is not: "9-year-old accidentally kills range instructor"

http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/26/us/arizona-girl-fatal-shooting-accident/index.html

[Strelnikov_]

37. Buy a gun for your son

[Rhiannon12866]

40. Locking, sorry, but this doesn't meet the GD SoP under the new guidelines.

Please consider reposting in one of the DU gun related groups. Thanks for your understanding!

GUNS
News stories (and related content) from reputable mainstream sources about efforts to strengthen or weaken gun control legislation in any jurisdiction in the United States, national news stories (and related content) from reputable mainstream sources about high-profile gun crimes, and viral political content from social media or blogs that would likely be of interest to a large majority of DU members are permitted under normal circumstances.

Local stories about gun crime and "gun porn" threads showing pictures of guns or discussing the merits of various firearms are not permitted under normal circumstances and should be posted in the Gun Control and RKBA Group.

Open discussion of guns is permitted during very high-profile news events which are heavily covered across all newsmedia.