Why it's so Hard for Men to Recognize Misogyny (Slate.com)

[librechik]

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/05/_yesallwomen_in_the_wake_of_elliot_rodger_why_it_s_so_hard_for_men_to_recognize.html

IOW, speak up, girls. And boys! Everybody speak up!

[bettyellen]

1. I know some men do not see it happen, but when we explain it happens, they should listen:

this is pretty much a constant.


"The night after the murders, I was at a backyard party in New York, talking with a female friend, when a drunk man stepped right between us. “I was thinking the exact same thing,” he said. As we had been discussing pay discrepancies between male and female journalists, we informed him that this was unlikely. But we politely endured him as he dominated our conversation, insisted on hugging me, and talked too long about his obsession with my friend’s hair. I escaped inside, and my friend followed a few minutes later. The guy had asked for her phone number, and she had declined, informing him that she was married and, by the way, her husband was at the party. “Why did I say that? I wouldn’t have been interested in him even if I weren’t married,” she told me. “Being married was, like, the sixth most pressing reason you weren’t into him,” I said. We agreed that she had said this because aggressive men are more likely to defer to another man’s domain than to accept a woman’s autonomous rejection of him.
A week before the murders, I experienced a similar dynamic when I went for a jog in Palm Springs, California. It was early on a weekend morning, and the streets that had been full of pedestrians the night before were now quiet. When I paused outside a convenience store to stretch, a man sitting at a bus stop across the street from me began yelling obscene comments about my body. When my boyfriend came out of the convenience store, he shut up."

[geek tragedy]

2. I know my wife will walk certain blocks/sides of the street only

if I'm with her, because then she won't get street harassed by the local lowlifes. They'll say all kinds of shit to 2-3 women at a time, but a woman out with a man gets left alone.

And people say there's no patriarchy.

[bettyellen]

4. I am pretty fearless, but sometimes you know it is not wise to push back, because they are so OTT

it will inevitably get ugly. The guys who insert themselves into my conversations with a friend without as much as a "pardon me", they are always told to step off. Not interested in rude people.

[geek tragedy]

5. that, and in general it's just better to not be harassed than to be harassed nt

[librechik]

14. damnright. THAT is the other obstacle.

Having the patience to get them to listen. Oy.

[bettyellen]

16. the truth is, sometimes you are afraid to tell them- many think they are expected to "do" something

and the situation escalates. Sometimes guys just ignore stuff if it's their friends, because believing the worst of their friends is difficult. But being targeted by their friends isn't?

I should add the comments on the Capt Awkward "We have a case of the Creepy dude" here. So many men more concerned about keeping their social group intact than the women in it's safety. Scary.

[Brickbat]

3. Because it's a lot more fun to talk about grammar than address the problem.

That way they can control the conversation.

[bettyellen]

6. Love it- now we need a Valerie Solanas gif, LOL. she's the boogeyman that one person here mentioned

once. OMG.

[Brickbat]

11. I keep forgetting that reading a quote from SCUM is totally like being oppressed.

*makes note*

[dilby]

7. I see it, I just don't care.

It's not my responsibility to apologize or make excuses for others, I can only control my own actions.

[bettyellen]

8. you give tacit approval to women haters by ignoring them? Racists too?

Guess you don't want to "be the change" we progressive hope for. Thanks for not pretending to be an ally.

[Brickbat]

9. You're right -- calling people out on bad behavior is totally worthless and couldn't possibly make

life easier or better for people you care about.

[dilby]

10. Not my job, if you want to call them out fine by me I wont stop you.

Sorry but I don't really care if there are women haters, man haters or any other haters in the world. I did not ask to be the privilege police because I was born with a penis. I have far more important things to do with my life than to worry if some kid is feeling butt hurt because he was told no.

[Brickbat]

12. Fascinating.

[librechik]

13. being proactive about stopping abuse is a lot more effective personally than staying silent,

because privacy. or because not my business-ism. If you are not an activist by sentiment at least, then WTHIWW U?

[Starry Messenger]

15. Every aspect of our media and our societal institutions reinforces male supremacy.

It reinforces the collective sense that only one gender has real issues and feelings.