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Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:25 PM

New Theories Suggest Kennedy Wasn't Shot

DALLAS—A controversial new book about the assassination of President John F. Kennedy has raised questions not about the role of a lone gunman or a conspiracy of shooters, but about whether the late president was even even shot at all.

While the book, Outside the Crosshairs, does not dispute the fact that a massive portion of Kennedy's skull was separated from his head during the 1963 Dallas visit, it maintains that the president suffered fatal explosive- cranial trauma through means completely unrelated to gunshots.

"Certainly extreme force was involved in this tragic death," said Dr. Horace Musashi, the book's author and a professor of computer science at Mount Union College in Alliance, OH. "However, none of the available photographs or recorded footage provides even a shred of evidence that an actual bullet did anything to Kennedy's body. As scientists, therefore, we must consider all other possibilities, no matter how much they challenge the status quo."

Musashi himself favors an explanation known as the single-massive-spike-in-blood-pressure theory.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-theories-suggest-kennedy-wasnt-shot,2244/

Sid

42 replies, 6658 views

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Arrow 42 replies Author Time Post
Reply New Theories Suggest Kennedy Wasn't Shot (Original post)
SidDithers Nov 2013 OP
randome Nov 2013 #1
Katashi_itto Nov 2013 #42
WinkyDink Nov 2013 #2
Curmudgeoness Nov 2013 #3
BlueJazz Nov 2013 #4
itsrobert Nov 2013 #5
BlueJazz Nov 2013 #7
stopbush Nov 2013 #6
pinboy3niner Nov 2013 #9
cyberswede Nov 2013 #10
pinboy3niner Nov 2013 #14
cyberswede Nov 2013 #16
krispos42 Nov 2013 #23
SidDithers Nov 2013 #25
pinboy3niner Nov 2013 #28
Aerows Nov 2013 #31
pinboy3niner Nov 2013 #32
Aerows Nov 2013 #37
Warpy Nov 2013 #8
SidDithers Nov 2013 #11
blkmusclmachine Nov 2013 #12
MrMickeysMom Nov 2013 #13
cherokeeprogressive Nov 2013 #38
pinboy3niner Nov 2013 #39
cherokeeprogressive Nov 2013 #40
dflprincess Nov 2013 #15
guyton Nov 2013 #17
Major Nikon Nov 2013 #18
The Midway Rebel Nov 2013 #19
Logical Nov 2013 #20
Politicalboi Nov 2013 #21
Logical Nov 2013 #30
krispos42 Nov 2013 #22
jmowreader Nov 2013 #24
RKP5637 Nov 2013 #26
alcibiades_mystery Nov 2013 #27
Octafish Nov 2013 #29
Logical Nov 2013 #33
Octafish Nov 2013 #34
Logical Nov 2013 #36
zappaman Nov 2013 #41
JustABozoOnThisBus Nov 2013 #35

Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:27 PM

1. He blew his top?

 

[hr][font color="blue"][center]Precision and concision. That's the game.[/center][/font][hr]

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Response to randome (Reply #1)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:24 PM

42. It was a really really bad migraine maybe?

 

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:29 PM

2. Well, it's bizarre, but then, so was Arlen Specter's insistence on the "pristine bullet."

 

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:32 PM

3. Yep, that's just what we needed......

another conspiracy theory. Like it isn't controversial enough. Leave it to the Onion.

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:32 PM

4. Not sure if this is in good taste.

 

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Response to BlueJazz (Reply #4)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:38 PM

5. Too soon?

jesbus freakin cris kringle

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Response to itsrobert (Reply #5)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:51 PM

7. ....or not.

 

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Response to BlueJazz (Reply #4)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 10:40 PM

6. The article has nothing to do with JFK's death. It's about ridiculing CTists and their

idiotic theories.

Let's hear it for The Onion!

Wait...does this mean The Onion is in on the conspiracy???

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Response to stopbush (Reply #6)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:24 PM

9. The Onion in on it? Hmm...The Onion mustard bean collard and threatened or paid off.

I yam aghast. Lettuce pray.

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #9)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:27 PM

10. Did you learn that on Wikileeks?

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Response to cyberswede (Reply #10)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:34 PM

14. Yep. I follow them arugulaly.

You can't beet Wikileeks! They're my favarite.

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #14)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 12:36 AM

16. Olive them, too, but I'm going to give them up for Lentil...

They take up too mushroom in my browser.

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Response to cyberswede (Reply #16)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 06:31 AM

23. This dialogue caused inflammation in my puncreas.

Ooch...



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Response to krispos42 (Reply #23)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 09:36 AM

25. It made me hungry...nt

Sid

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Response to SidDithers (Reply #25)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 10:33 AM

28. It must have been the pungent aroma. nt

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #28)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 11:19 AM

31. It should have been squashed

 

at the out set, because it turned into a real turkey!

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Response to Aerows (Reply #31)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 11:31 AM

32. Who gourd your ox? You are hard to peas and parsleymonious, to beet.

A warning: Tread gingerly a mung us and do not turnip your nose at our puns if you carrot all about consequences. We shallot forget...

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #32)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:05 PM

37. You may pepper your statements all that you like

 

I know you oregano there anyway

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:20 PM

8. Silly theory

His brain would have herniated (partially forced through the opening in the skull for the brain stem) before any blood would have blown the skull apart.

Unworthy for the onion.

However, maybe Nixon's people did a trepan while he was sleeping and stuffed in a package of firecrackers!

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Response to Warpy (Reply #8)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:30 PM

11. Ah yes. The old 'trepan while sleeping' gambit...

They didn't call him Tricky Dick for nuthin'



Sid

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:30 PM

12. CIA's Operation Northwoods is a extremely important part of the story:

 

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:32 PM

13. Gee...

And, they went to all that trouble to plant the magic bullet on the gurney at Parkland Hospital!

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Response to MrMickeysMom (Reply #13)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:12 PM

38. That bullet was NOT magic.

 

I bet it couldn't even pull a rabbit out of a hat.

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #38)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:16 PM

39. It could make the rabbit appear, but it didn't last long

It was a case of "Hare today, gone tomorrow."

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #39)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:21 PM

40. You are on a roll today, My Man.

 

They should call you Brown & Serve.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 11:54 PM

15. I've always said that if it wasn't for the Zapruder film

the Warren Commission probably would have told us the cause of death was a cerebral hemorrhage.

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)


Response to guyton (Reply #17)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:22 AM

18. Obviously you are part of the conspiracy

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:37 AM

19. Release the files!11!!1!1

....and release Roderick.

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:41 AM

20. I bet some DU CTers believe this! nt

 

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Response to Logical (Reply #20)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 03:31 AM

21. Ah No we don't

 

Good try though. We go by science, unlike the Warren Commission and the 9/11 Commission.

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Response to Politicalboi (Reply #21)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 10:50 AM

30. LOL, science. Emotion you mean! n-t

 

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 06:29 AM

22. Too much hair pressure?

n/t

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 06:36 AM

24. Come on...

you know what really happened: Governor Connally leaned over to him and whispered in his ear, "Jack, fifty years from now an extreme right-wing faction of the Republican Party called 'tea baggers' are going to claim you as a conservative."

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 09:42 AM

26. Oh, The Onion! Had me going for a minute, I was having a massive spike in WTF's! LOL n/t

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 09:47 AM

27. "America is still a democracy, after all, and one idea is just as good as another..."

 

Ouch.

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 10:40 AM

29. Lousy thing to say about a good Democratic president.

Everyone who thinks this is in any way funny should be ashamed.

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Response to Octafish (Reply #29)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 11:33 AM

33. The CTs should be ashamed. They keep this shit going. n-t

 

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Response to Logical (Reply #33)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 12:11 PM

34. Right you are, Logical. The smear artistes should take it back to Free Republic.

Hating President Kennedy is one of the things they do.

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Response to Octafish (Reply #34)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 12:33 PM

36. Nice try. Just drop it. Oswald did it. Game over. n-t

 

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Response to Octafish (Reply #29)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:23 PM

41. Better than thinking Oswald may have been a hero.

That's the kind of shit that belongs at Free Republic.

"As for Oswald, I don't know if he was a hero in all this or not."
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2232672

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Response to SidDithers (Original post)

Thu Nov 28, 2013, 12:32 PM

35. Spontaneous Human Detonation?

... well, it's one more theory to add to the list ...

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