Jesus slapped the fish out of your lazy mouth

[kpete]

SAT SEP 21, 2013 AT 09:32 AM PDT
Jesus slapped the fish out of your lazy mouth
by Ministry Of Truth

12:1 And lo, those who shall not work shall not eat, and Jesus multiplied the money changers wealth and kicked a beggar in the ribs on his way out of TempleMart, 12:2 and the holy ghost of the invisible hand was with him, and he did not stray to the left but teabagged a concealed carry shotgun, for the free market watches over us and keep us, in Ayn Rand's name we praise.

12:3 And Saint Reagan smiled down upon Jesus with laser beam eyes from atop his throne of skulls, and Jesus fired his holy shotgun in salute, 12:4 for guns are freedom and render unto Ceaser that which he can pry from our cold dead hands.

12:5 And the people cried, "WE NEED FOOD!", and Jesus answered them "GET A JOB!" before telling them to bathe.

12:6 Then Jesus mounted his fossil fuel powered Pterodactyl with Ted Nugent and flipped off all the socialists and liberals, 12: 7 and he went to house of his job creator father until he sobered up at the age of 40 and ran for Governor of Texas.

~Excerpted from The Book of Reagan

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/09/21/1240391/-Jesus-slapped-the-fish-out-of-your-lazy-mouth

[Ohio Joe]

1. K&R - nt

[LuvNewcastle]

2. It's inspired, I tell ya!

[pscot]

3. This is 21st century christianity

as advocated by Discovery Institute and preachers like Tony Perkins. They're fine with Darwinism as a social construct.

[Enrique]

4. if anyone decides to post this at Free Republic

make sure to put "SATIRE" because they might think it's real.

[etherealtruth]

18. Many will pray it is real and use it to justify their greed and avarice

[JEFF9K]

5. I like to tell Rapture Republicans that ...

... for every Biblical passage that seems to support the Republican position there are at least ten that favor Democrats.

[Cryptoad]

7. I can not think of one of Jesus' tecahings that

a GOP position!

[malaise]

20. It's not a teaching but Jesus wept

and John Boehner sure can weep. There will be plenty of ReTHUG weeping and gnashing of teeth next week.

[zeemike]

8. And the ones that do seem to support them come from the old testament

None form the new and none that are quotes by Jesus...and in fact the ones from Jesus clearly refute what they say.

And there is a lesson here...they are not what they say they are...Christians.

[krispos42]

6. Obligatory

K&R

[longship]

9. Hallelujah! Your heart is true!

Welcome to the inner sanctum of the vault of mindless fellowship. Let us worship together.

(Said either in a Charlton Heston voice, or that of the Monty Python troupe as in "Life of Brian&quot

Cast off the shoes! Embrace the gourd!

[silvershadow]

10. And then told you you're going to hell. Thanks for this! nt

[bvar22]

11. Well Done!

Gets a DURec from me!

[grasswire]

12. the ad appearing at the top of this thread...

....is for a local "Bible-believing" fundamentalist church.

So ironic, the information age.

[DeSwiss]

13. Hahahahahaha.......

- K&R

[BlueJazz]

14. LOL!..."and Jesus saith GET A JOB ...(and take a bath)"

[FarPoint]

15. This is my most favorite post of the year.

I shared it/linked it onto Facebook via Kos ...got an immediate response from a teabagger/Rand Paulie..( lifelong friend since childhood who served in Air Force with several Iraqi tours)...He was livid. I tried to explain the jest of the post relating the hypocracy...He didn't get it...

[Enthusiast]

16. Funny shit! K&R! nt

[awoke_in_2003]

17. Praise Jeebus. nt

[Uncle Joe]

19. That was good.

Thanks for the thread, kpete.

[glinda]

21. K & R n/t

[jsr]

22. Most excellent

[Fumesucker]

23. ~snort~

[mbuch64]

24. Want to make christian conservatives crazy

Just point out Mathew chapter 5 verse 9, "Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God". This has been my favorite Bible quote for many years and it still is.

[NewJeffCT]

25. and, moving on to Book 13

13:1 And, lo, the richest amongst us shall receive tax cuts so they can become even wealthier, as Jesus said, "Greed is good."
13:2 Yea, the poor gathered in huddled masses outside the gated community, in hopes the wealthy will trickle down unto them.
13:3 Whilst they waited, the gated communities private security arrived to taser the poor for loitering
13:4 "Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps, hippy freaks," growled the security leader, and the rich saw that it was good