Rick Santorum Files for Divorce, Blames the Gays

[iandhr]

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum filed for divorce today.

According to papers signed by an Allegheny County judge, the former Republican presidential candidate cited irreconcilable differences with his wife of 23 years.The move comes as a shock to the family and friends of the couple, who have seven children together and always projected an air of marital bliss. But in an interview outside the courthouse with local television station WPAV, Santorum said that he had no choice."Unfortunately the homosexuals have ruined my marriage," he explained to reporter Bruce Nolan. "Every year more and more of them get married, and every year the relationship with my wife gets worse. "Ever since the Supreme Court struck down DOMA, we've been sleeping in separate rooms. It's like I don't even know who she is anymore. This is what the gays want: to destroy the institution of marriage. We won't be the last."

Square Peg, Round Hole

According to the filing, the pair have agreed to split all assets equally and share joint custody of their children. His wife will keep the family home and automobiles, while Santorum will keep most of the couple's wardrobe.

Several seasoned divorce attorneys say that such an amicable financial settlement is unusual. But in an exclusive interview Santorum explains money was never really the issue.

"The real problem was in the bedroom," he says. "My wife kept complaining that I talked too much about gay sex while we were making love."I was just trying to explain how all the anal and oral things they do are filthy and disgusting compared to our intercourse. But apparently my wife didn't appreciate hearing about bears and twinks while I was inside of her." Santorum says he's ready to move on and has already started leasing a bachelor pad in the Logan Circle neighborhood of Washington, D.C.

"Single life is going to be hard," he laments. "There aren't a lot of women interested in an aging father of seven. I might have to get creative about who I date."

Santorum served as Pennsylvania's senator from 1995 to 2007. He unsuccessfully pursued the Republican nomination for president in 2012, placing second behind Mitt Romney.


http://dailycurrant.com/2013/07/29/rick-santorum-files-for-divorce-blames-the-gays/

[BainsBane]

1. Is this for real or satire?

[MrScorpio]

4. Satire

The Daily Currant is just like The Onion

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

22. Not really. The Onion is clever

while The Daily Currant is usually just stupid and lame. Both are satire sites, though, and I wish to hell DUers would stop posting satire as news.

[oberliner]

5. Are you seriously asking that question?

Did you read the entire piece?

[Matariki]

2. Is this satire?

I can't tell anymore.

[oberliner]

9. You can't tell if this is satire?

Did you not read it?

[Matariki]

10. I read the headline and the first couple sentences

I wanted to know if it was satire before wasting my time. Apparently I'm not alone with that question. I've never heard of the Daily Currant AND Santorum is enough of a wanker to actually get divorced and blame 'the gays', so how would I know?

[oberliner]

14. Understood

Read further down and I think it will become clear.

[William769]

13. In all honesty, when it come to Rick Santorum & the Gays, you never can tell.

He is one bat shit crazy person.

[oberliner]

15. Yes you can

You think this would be a real quote from him:

"My wife kept complaining that I talked too much about gay sex while we were making love. I was just trying to explain how all the anal and oral things they do are filthy and disgusting compared to our intercourse. But apparently my wife didn't appreciate hearing about bears and twinks while I was inside of her."

[William769]

18. Yes.

he lives in a bubble, I wouldn't anything past him.

And just a FYI, I knew it was satire, but that doesn't mean I don't he he is not actually capable of saying it. Being Gay myself, I am very familiar with his work.

[Scootaloo]

26. Poe's Law, Oberliner. n/t

[shraby]

3. This sounds like an onion piece.

[oberliner]

7. Gee I wonder why...

[billh58]

8. The Daily Currant

is a satire site like The Onion...

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

21. But not nearly as clever.

[billh58]

25. I agree. n/t

[Logical]

6. not real n-t

[DJ13]

11. Santorum will keep most of the couple's wardrobe.

[diabeticman]

12. Is this has to be a spoof. I can't believe he actually is filing for divorce on these grounds.

[Thinkingabout]

16. The truth of the matter is he only wanted sex to procreate and she wanted more.

[BlueJazz]

19. After the first paragraph, I was thinking WTF ! Then the second paragraph and I knew.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

20. Not again! Please, folks, stop posting Daily Currant's crap as news items.

It's satire, and generally not very good satire at that.

[longship]

23. Please give Daily Current their due.

No, they don't have The Onion's edge, nor Borowitz's sublime irony. But they still at least make a good attempt to skewer the asshattery, albeit sometimes missing the mark.

Satire is always welcome on DU, as far as I am concerned.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

24. I'm all in favor of good satire.

But TDC's is usually lame and ham-handed. AND, there is an unfortunate tendency to post their articles under the assumption that they are real news, and the ensuing posts froth with outrage until somebody points out that it's, um, satire.

[muriel_volestrangler]

29. Except that no-one is 'frothing with outrage' in this thread

The most annoyed are those, like you, who think that there's a subjective threshold of comedy which satire must meet before it's posted here. Some have asked if it's satire; I don't think anyone has taken it seriously without wondering about satire.

[HughBeaumont]

27. Logan Circle.

Yeah, Santorum's views would go over REAL well there.

I remember being on the Metro once and seeing these two college-age girls carrying a "Students for Santorum" sign. I was half tempted to say "Visiting, are we?"

[Nye Bevan]

28. Totally, totally lame. "The Onion" makes good satire seem so easy (nt)

[davidpdx]

30. Crap, I almost believed this

Never heard of the site. It is very funny.

[sakabatou]

31. I wouldn't put it past him if it really happened

[OldRedneck]

32. NOT TRUE. SATIRE.

Not true.

http://www.politisite.com/2013/07/29/rick-santorum-files-for-divorce-blames-scotus-striking-down-doma/#.Ufkn5tItrTM

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum filed for divorce today.

According to papers signed by an Allegheny County judge, the former Republican presidential candidate cited irreconcilable differences with his wife of 23 years.

santorum-wifeThe move comes as a shock to the family and friends of the couple, who have seven children together and always projected an air of marital bliss. But in an interview outside the courthouse with local television station WPAV, Santorum said that he had no choice.

“Unfortunately the homosexuals have ruined my marriage,” he explained to reporter Bruce Nolan. “Every year more and more of them get married, and every year the relationship with my wife gets worse.

“Ever since the Supreme Court struck down DOMA, we’ve been sleeping in separate rooms. It’s like I don’t even know who she is anymore. This is what the gays want: to destroy the institution of marriage. We won’t be the last.”

via Rick Santorum Files for Divorce, Blames the Gays

The left has gone wild about the Santorum Divorce story, only one problem, the story is NOT True. Anyone can conclude (with a little investigation) that the Daily Currant who ran the story is quite similar to the Onion, pure Political Satire. Sorry folks, while the anti-Santorum rants are comical; the joke appears to be on you.

[NuclearDem]

33. Daily Currant isn't the best out there, but when they get it, they get it

[blogslut]

34. Man, does the Daily Currant suck ever so very much.

[HappyMe]

35. LOL!

Funny, but I would bet that Santorum really would use this excuse.