Petition: Draft Ted Nugent to Serve in Afghanistan
Ted Nugent is perhaps the most courageous man in America. America needs courageous men. Hence, I've launched a petition to draft Ted Nugent to serve on the front lines in Afghanistan.
You may well wonder why Mr. Nugent has not already made this decision on his own. This is a complex medical affair: while courageous in a way rarely encountered this side of Chuck Norris, Mr. Nugent has long been plagued by an allergy to active duty. I stress that this is an allergy, not a personal disposition. There is a vast difference, yo.
Ted Nugent wants to fight. He just can't bring himself to do so, because of this unfortunate and rare ailment. We can help.
When called up to serve in Vietnam, Ted Nugent allegedly contracted a serious bowel condition. We have this allegation from an impeccable source: Ted Nugent. In an article in High Times magazine in 1977, Mr. Nugent described this rare and unpleasant intestinal failure in gruesome detail. When he finally presented himself for duty, he was a walking disease of a human being, and the army wouldn't touch him: "They'd call dead people before they'd call my ass."
Note that this in no way reflects upon Mr. Nugent's courage or capabilities. It is also, as "The Nuge" himself points out, something of an irony:
But you know the funny thing about it? I'd make an incredible army man. I'd be a colonel before you knew what hit you, and I'd have the baddest bunch of motherf*uckin' killers you'd ever seen in my platoon. But I just wasn't into it. I was too busy doin' my own thing, you know?
We do know. And now that your own thing involves rocking heavily on behalf of guns and the constitutional right to high-capacity magazines, you should have the opportunity to do it, right? Your own thing.
We can help.
>snip<
Please sign here: https://www.change.org/petitions/president-barack-obama-draft-ted-nugent-to-serve-on-the-front-lines-in-afghanistan?utm_campaign=twitter_link&utm_medium=twitter&utm_source=share_petition
The petition reads: "Ted Nugent, draft dodger, should have the opportunity to redeem his sullied reputation, so that he can drown us in a cesspool of guns. In fact, we should make him do this. An executive order is appropriate: Mr. President, conscript the Nuge."
More at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/douglas-anthony-cooper/petition-draft-ted-nugent_b_2665464.html
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