Tue Jan 15, 2013, 07:05 PM
Autumn Colors (2,379 posts)
The Galactic Empire Responds to the Obama Administration
Regarding the White House response to the petition requesting the construction of a Death Star ...
Planet Earth Abandons Death Star Project In Face Of Superior Galactic Imperial Power
Galactic Empire Public Relations | January 15, 2013
IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,“ said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”
Representatives on behalf of the nation-state leader from the unimaginatively named planet refused to acknowledge the obvious cowardice of their choice, preferring instead to attribute the decision to fiscal responsibility. “The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production,” added Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet.
Emissaries of the Emperor also caution any seditious elements within the Galactic Senate not to believe Earth’s exaggerated claims of there being a weakness in the Death Star design. “Any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture,” added Motti.
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The Galactic Empire Responds to the Obama Administration (Original post)
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Response to Autumn Colors (Original post)
Wed Jan 16, 2013, 11:55 AM
wyldwolf (41,963 posts)
5. President Obama Spurns Empire's Offer; Won't Rule Out Rebel Alliance Aid
WASHINGTON, DC, EARTH - The Obama administration today fired back at representatives of the Galactic Empire, again emphasizing the fundamental design flaws of their so-called Death Star space station.
"Our intelligence reports state not one but two of these bulky orbital battle stations have been brought down easily, once by a young boy in a single craft and again though the actions of cute short furry creatures." President Obama remarked in today's news conference.
Responding to questions by reporters regarding the administration's escalation of words with the Galactic Empire, the president confirmed an invitation had been extended to join the galaxy-spanning regime several months back but said the United States had no interest in such an alliance while freedom fighters were in open rebellion against what they believe is the Empire's tyranny over it's citizenry.
"I can say with certainty the United States will not ally ourselves with such a government and would, in fact, back their opposition if called upon to do so."
The president's remarks drew tepid responses from Republicans in Congress and conservative writers. House Majority Leader John Boehner accused the President of being 'giddy for another drawn out war.' Senator John McCain (R-AZ) advised the president not to be so quick in rebuffing access to such "overwhelming military technology."
Jon V. Last of the conservative magazine The Weekly Standard went further, saying Emperor Palpatine is a dictator the United States can do business with and the Rebel Alliance has no governing strategy or plans for a post-Imperial galaxy should they win their struggle.
"The Rebel Alliance is an unimpressive crew of anarchic royals who are wrecking the galaxy so that Princess Leia can have her tiara back." Last said.
When asked if the Galactic Empire is an emerging threat against the United States, the president nodded to several Joint Chiefs in attendance and said, "We've got your force right here.'
note: Weekly Standard quote is an real quote from an article published by the magazine.