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Mon Jan 14, 2013, 12:08 PM

Thomas Jefferson Contemplates a Future with Assault Weapons

Humor from the New Yorker.

"Thomas Jefferson: Gentlemen, a thought has occurred to me regarding the Second Amendment.

James Madison: Fine amendment.

Alexander Hamilton: Superb amendment. Can’t believe we left that out of the first draft.

Jefferson: Yes, my fellow land-owning framers, but are we perhaps not forward-thinking enough? What if, perchance, we someday develop a rifle that, instead of firing one bullet per sixty ticks of the clock’s second hand, has the inverse effect—unloading sixty rounds per second through the power of machinery? Might it not fall into the hands of a town madman?

Madison: Should such a potent “machinery gun” ever come into being and somehow not exceed the cost of an entire militia, a town madman would be refused sale from any responsible merchant because of his agitated demeanor.

Hamilton: Hear, hear. Let us repair to the drawing room for a spirited game of dice. Who will roll the highest tally? Huzzah! Whoop! Fizzing! No more capital divertissement shall ever be created, just as my vernacular exclamations of joy will never become obsolete!"


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