I wish I didn't have to own a gun.

[Philosoraptor]

I have one revolver. I've had it for 25 years, and I've never shot anyone. I'm scared to death of it, but I always have it with me, and it's next to my bed at night.

I hate to keep bringing up this same subject in my posts, but I am in a wheelchair, and it affects my life in strange ways. I am also a musician and I find myself out at 3 a.m. many nights, alone, in the city. I'm scared to death of my car breaking down, cause then I'm stranded, and it's happened quite a few times. Thank goodness I have a cell phone.

But frankly, I'm paranoid. I don't cower in fear, but I am cautious, and I feel better knowing that I have a slight edge. I know I don't know how I'll react if I were forced to use it, I don't know if I'll panic and freeze, or kill someone, my worst fear.

My grandfather fought in world war one, and never regretted killing the enemy, but when he had to kill a heroin addict who attacked my grandmother in their restaurant in St. Louis, he felt terrible about it for years.

I got my gun about the time I lost my ability to walk, and at about that time, my neighbor, a girl who went to highschool with my kids, was stabbed to death by her upstairs neighbor, in my own apt. complex. This too factored into my gun purchase.

My dad is a gun enthusiest, and has always had several. He doesn't hunt, but loves to shoot. He's a lifelong Democrat and NRA member, but he's not a gun nut.

I can never completely relax with it around. I'm very careful to hide it, and lock it up etc.,
I never mention to anyone that I have it. When my wife is at work, I'm alone, I work at home, and there are always home invasions around here, and crack heads galore. So yeah, I feel a little vunerable and paranoid, life makes me that way I guess.

I guess my point is, I hate guns, and I wish I didn't have to have one. I know it sounds strange, and I know I'm a strange person anyway. I am a lifelong Democrat, I voted for Obama twice, and I hope he can begin to ban assault weapons, and put stricter rules on guns. I wish there were no guns but for the military, but that's a dream.

There are too many fucking guns out there. In my town there are almost nightly gun murders, someone gives someone else a dirty look and 'disrespects' them, and they're dead. Every morning on the news it's the same story, it's routine, and it's mostly gang related it seems, but it takes something like slaughtering a roomful of babies to draw attention to the problem.

I'd give mine up under the right circumstances I suppose, if everybody else did too. If only the cops had guns, I'd be happy. No more gun show loopholes. Guns should be bought in gun stores only, and absolutely no assault rifles, no civilian needs one.

I know many here hate guns, I do too, and I wish I didn't have to own one.

[Brickbat]

1. If you are that afraid and tense around your gun, you should either not have one or get some better

training.

[Democracyinkind]

2. DU rec for honesty, thoughtfulness and for sharing something that probably wasn't easy to write out.

I'm one of those people who advocate for an "open discussion" of guns. This thread is a good example of what that entails.

One of the standard answers that you might be getting to this OP will probably be: "But statistically speaking, you're more in danger with the gun"... And that might even be true. The thing that troubles me most about this discussion is what do we do with people who have legitimate fears like yours? I don't think that Pepper spray or anything would help to make you comfortable. And that's the next point - is the gun more about making you comfortable, giving you the perceived security you need in order to be on the streets at 3am, or is it really a tool you possess for the sole purpose of using it should the need ever arise? Although I do tend to fall on the "ban them" side of the argument, it's cases like yours that prevent me from finding definite answers.

[Philosoraptor]

4. Perceived security is probably a false illusion

Some jerk might just grab it out of your hand, or you might not be the only guy on earth with a gun. I see it as a scary tool.

I also hate the idea of going to jail over having it with me, it's legally registered, and when I'm driving, it's laying on the seat, unloaded, but I could still go to jail over it. I've never been pulled over with it so far, but It'll probably happen someday, and at 3 a.m. no less.

[obamanut2012]

3. Call a local range and get some additional tarining

So you feel comfortable with the firearm. It's a tool, just like any other. Like driving a car, if you are unsure handling it, your chance of an accident increases.

[Philosoraptor]

5. I went to the range, but there are some scary people there.

[obamanut2012]

7. lol I don't disagree

They probably have classes, and the folks who teach them may or may not be Teabaggers, but will be professionals.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

16. Find a private firearms instructor, there are lots out there.

They can work with you to address your basic shooting and help with accommodating your additional needs.

[sorefeet]

6. I have to agree

I'm 60 disabled and I live in the country, alone. I have a 100 pound bulldog that probably would be useless for protection. I don't need a drifter coming by and me with no protection.
I own a 357, it is under my pillow. I don't tell anyone about it. No I don't like guns, I buried my baby brother when he was 11 from a gun accident. I am a staunch democrat,liberal,lefty, peace lovin old hippie type, but I'll be damed if I'm going to stay 35 miles in the middle of no where without a gun waitin for the cops to come.

Or when the ole fat bulldog woke me a 11 o'clock one night and said there is somethin in the living room that I ain't never seen before andhe looks mad. It was a big ole rattle snake coiled up just a buzzin. Now that will freak ya out.

[sinkingfeeling]

8. I'm sorry that you (and others) live in fear.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

9. When living in Arizona, my friend suffered a rash of break-ins at his house.

Reluctantly, he bought a gun for home protection. But he told me he was terrified how easy it was for him to legally get one.

[Nye Bevan]

10. Would you consider a taser instead? (nt)

[former-republican]

11. You owe no one an explanation why you have one

Just take it to the range to get familiar with it.

Is it possible to move to a safer building?
Sounds like a hell hole you live in.

[jeff47]

12. Perhaps you should consider the quality of life you are choosing

If you spend all of your time terrified, you aren't living your life well. You won't enjoy the good parts if you are terrified in the back of your mind.

So think about which scares you more: The gun, or a random act of violence. The gun is always there, dragging you down. The random act of violence isn't.

If your gun fears are greater than the fear you would have of a random act of violence, then get rid of the gun.
If your random act of violence fears are greater than your gun fears, keep the gun.

None of us are getting out of here alive, so we should enjoy ourselves as much as possible while we are here.

[slackmaster]

13. I'm very sorry about your health issues, Philosoraptor.

I am fortunate to be able to keep my weapons locked up.

[Philosoraptor]

14. It's a lifelong thing

I'm used to it, I had polio when I was two.

I just feel like an easy target sometimes.

[slackmaster]

15. I'm 54, and I've met just two people who were polio survivors in my entire life

That I know of. It wasn't until pretty recently that I met them. I had always thought of polio as a thing of the distant past, when everything was in black and white.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

17. I have GLBT friends who feel much as you do.

They would rather not have the responsibilities that go with firearms, but realize that they are responsible for their own safety and that of their loved ones. They will disarm when they feel the threat to their safety has sufficiently diminished.