Rapist Demands Immunity, Presidency (Ferret)
What we need is a new word, yes, probably a German one, that would mean “laugh-out-loud embarrassing, but in a sufficiently fascist manner as to remain unnerving.” It’s that thing we’re all sick of feeling.
(As always, it reads a little better on the blog site: https://showercapblog.com/rapist-demands-immunity-presidency/)
I could use that word right now, since it’s time to talk about the 2024 Iowa Republican presidential caucuses.
As expected, the rapist ran away with it. Republican voters sure do love their rapist. ‘Course, he’s not just any rapist, he’s the rapist who tried to end American democracy. Honestly, how could a listless pudding fondler like Ron DeSantis hope to compete?
Ron’s not quite ready to slink back to Tallahassee, so he’s going to flop around for our amusement at least through New Hampshire, which I appreciate. He might not have anyone left to talk to, cuz Nikki says from now on, she’s only gonna debate rapists she’s promised to pardon.
Ron made one last, feeble pass at the anti-vax crowd, which’ll work as well as everything else he’s tried. It’s not Long Covid you’ve got to worry about with your electorate, kid, it’s Long Horse Paste.
I guess Haley’s polling well enough in New Hampshire to merit Off-Brand Orbán’s attention, since he finally lobbed that long-expected lump of casually racist hate at her. “How dare you imply America was ever, for even a fleeting moment, a racist country!?! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a phoneful of death threats to sift through!”
Grating wokeness disliker Vivek Ramaswamy dropped out, as did normcore non-factor Asa Hutchinson. And right now, they could team up to make the greatest political documentary/buddy comedy of all time, but they won’t, and I think that’s a shame.
Asa n’ Vivek On the Road, I would watch the shit out of that. Coupla crazy kids from opposite sides of the track, searching for the MAGA-infected Republican Party’s dark heart. Having misadventures. Running out of gas while fleeing a Three Percenter rally gone wrong. I would sign up for your streaming service to watch that.
Best part of the Iowa caucuses is the wave of “Say, I’m not sure these “evangelical” fellows are entirely on the level” columns. Yep. Bit of a death cult, really. Glad you’re catching up.
Getting back to the Republican frontrapist, he spent the week harassing and re-defaming the woman he raped. I dunno, maybe they get a different Bible in red states. Maybe Jesus is a rapist in their Bible.
Anyway, this particular rapist, who is a lot of evangelicals’ favorite rapist, demands absolute legal immunity, which I get, because he’s committed…oh my god you guys, so many crimes. Including rape. The rapist who tried everything he could think of, up to and including violent insurrection, to overturn an election he lost would rather not be prosecuted.
And again, I get that. Don’t agree, but I get it. I think we should have the rule of law, and democracy, and not “whatever this one rapist wants.” I sincerely believe it’s the stronger choice.
Although…he did pass that cognitive test. Bragging, no, strutting about the cognitive test is part of the stump speech now. There Once Was a Rapist Who Passed a Cognitive Test, So We Made Him King. That’s the creation myth. Also, Maybe He Has Syphilis Now? Evangelicals, man. Wacky people.
I’m sincerely grateful to Ted Cruz for providing comic relief during the genuinely terrifying ritual of governors and senators genuflecting to a man who thinks magnets break when they get wet. He just deserves the debasement so richly. Actually, watching Ted Cruz snarf bowl after bowl of Donald Trump’s shit is probably my favorite thing about ascendant American fascism.
Ted, Rubio, Tim Scott, “Sammy the Bull” Gravano, they all agree: when it comes to the presidency, only an authoritarian rapist will do. Cool coalition. Your moms are all proud.
Well, poor, dumb Jimmy Comer got caught doctoring closed-door testimony. Again. This dolt’s master plan, by the way, is to run this same sad con, which he has fucked up every single time, on Hunter Biden. Jimmy thinks he’s good at this, you guys.
How happy was Mike Johnson to receive orders from on high to tank the Senate border compromise? “Shoot, we know how to fuck legislation up! Gettin’ pretty good at it, if I do say so m’self. It’s passing the stuff that gets us in trouble.”
In his defense, ol’ Moses did manage to lead his people to another CR, so congrats on keepin’ the government open, I guess. Hope the lock on Chip Roy’s cage holds out!
Of course, the last thing Republicans want is to actually solve any border-related problems; they’re enjoying the brownshirty new transgressiveness of the fear-mongering around the issue far too much. I find Greg Abbott’s increasingly flamboyant cruelty particularly spine-chilling.
Meanwhile, Paul Gosar is fundraising off the batshit claim that wokeism has led to the ethnic cleansing of whites from the military, a few short days after we learned about those neo-Nazi interns he hired.
Oh, and I see Charlie Kirk decided it was time for furiously subpar white boys to reclaim Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
Some Moms for Liberty types’re launching their very own charter school, which sounds like the premise of a season of American Horror Story. Can you imagine the parade of incels and mass shooters that’s gonna stumble out of a fucking MOMS FOR LIBERTY CHARTER SCHOOL?
The nerds’ll join the Federalist Society, and the jocks’ll join the Proud Boys. And let me tell you right up front, any furries in the student body will use the restroom that corresponds to both the gender and species assigned at birth.
So. Yeah. Still pretty nutty out there. ‘Swhy I drink.
This is the part where I dance you over to the digital tip jar, which I’ve styled as a “beer fridge,” as part of my adorable ”Shower Cap” persona: a lovable scamp, a drunken loudmouth who wears a bathrobe and a luchador mask and blogs for whatever reason. Now accepting Cash App, Venmo, and PayPal. Following @john_luzar on the Hellsite Formerly Known as Twitter is another thing you could do. Or not do.
And if you’re feelin’ freaky, for a limited time, you can even pre-order my WWII comic book, Marguerite vs. the Occupation. I’m real proud of how this one turned out, so if you missed the Kickstarter, well…second chances don’t roll up every day, y’know.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I can't drink so I smoke pot and go to therapy every week.
Thanks for stressing that the rapy rapist who rapes is claiming that rape is an official duty of the US President.
I am a bit nervous that there is one and maybe two on the Ginni Thomas SCrOTUS who may agree.
I have reached point where the only thing left to say is, GOTV!
Thanks for hanging in there, Cap!
