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Tue Nov 13, 2012, 04:38 PM

I have a closet full of tin foil hats...

.... but I'm just not getting this one on the Petraeus/Benghazi/Romney connection, and I have read most of the posts here today on this topic. Please forgive my smartassedness below, but let's review ....

The Benghazi attack was a CIA "splinter group" sponsored operation intended to make the Prez look weak on national security and help Republicans win the White House;

Romney's campaign people - along with many other high ranking republicans - were in on this plot to murder American citizens for an election advantage, and willingly went along with it despite the moral depravity and risks (including real - not country club - prison) because, you know, they had to win really, really a lot;

But luckily for the Democrats, a double agent inside the CIA splinter group revealed details of the plot to .... the Obama campaign. Not to law enforcement or other intelligence officials, and not to the media - but to the campaign itself - because that's how it works in the spook business;

Now armed with this information, the Prez carefully wordsmiths his speech following the attacks to vaguely (so as not to alert Romney he was on to him) use the phrase "terrorist attack" so he could set the hook in the Romney campaign and make Romney look foolish and petulant - always a much more effective campaign strategy than exposing your opponent as a sinister sociopath who engineered the murder of fellow Americans for votes;

And, by the way, the double agent who whispered this coup attempt into the ear of the Prez did so only AFTER the Americans were already dead (if it had been BEFORE they were dead, then the Prez would be equally guilty of standing by and letting murders occur for an election advantage, right?) That means the Obama campaign put this strategy together in less than 24 hours - pretty damn impressive. It also means the double agent hero was more concerned about how to use the information politically than he was about actually saving the lives of the victims (I know, I know... in the movie, Ethan Hawke will be somewhere in the Riyadh helplessly chained to a chair with electrodes clamped to his nipples when the attack actually occurs, but we're talking reality here, not Hollywood fiction);

Now, after the Prez turned the tables on them and they lost the election, they suddenly realized that the one they call the Chicago Politician knows. And not only knows what they did, but who they are. And he's coming for them. (This explains why agent "Turd Blossum" had a meltdown on air election night - and we all thought he was worried about guys with flat noses hired by the Koch Syndicate).

Petraeus and the cast of The Real Housewives of Tampa are only the first victims. The general's role in the coup was.... was.... well, we don't know yet, but it was really dastardly and ominous. So his longtime affair is being outed and he is forced to resign - a fitting punishment for murder and treason, I think.

And speaking of the affair, let's not forget the femme fatale in the story. Known as "the biographer", she has looks, brains, a slutty air about her, and the most cut arms since Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2. Initially, she seemed to be merely a power hungry pseudo-journalist willing to slap happies for a story. But then a photo of her with the evil Turd Blossum mysteriously surfaced. (Wouldn't it be cool if they had to run a computer program to pixelate the photo?) Was she working for him? Was she sleeping with him? Has anyone ever slept with him? Could that be his problem?

Now, I suspect surveillance video at Globo-gym shows someone who looks and dresses like Paul "The Situation" Ryan passing microfilm wrapped in pizza slices to White Goodman.

Next will be Cantor. Then McConnell. And finally, Romney himself, who will be forced as punishment to host a The Apprentice knock off show called The Venture Capitalist, where his tag line will be "You're Outsourced"!

Geez. This is so much more believable than the likelihood that the Republicans ran a shoddy, arrogant campaign and got their dicks knocked in the dirt, and that, by sheer coincidence, powerful military guys like strange poontang.

I'm being an ass above, but no one has posted an analysis that makes this fiasco look like anything more than a bunch of powerful republican assclowns with pants on the ground disease. What am I missing?

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Reply I have a closet full of tin foil hats... (Original post)
Whiskeytide Nov 2012 OP
left on green only Nov 2012 #1
Whiskeytide Nov 2012 #2
librechik Nov 2012 #3

Response to Whiskeytide (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:02 PM

1. John Stewart paralleled your satire on the left wing conspiracy.....

.....with his own satire concerning all of the right wing conspiracy's.


I thoroughly enjoyed the efforts at satire done by both of you.

BTW: I think the analysis he did at the end of his piece as to what he thinks really happened is spot on.

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Response to left on green only (Reply #1)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:07 PM

2. Thanks. Stewart is one of my favorites

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Response to Whiskeytide (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 05:16 PM

3. well said--just because Repub generals are easy to game, we shouldn't be gamed ourselves

I will be surprised if this turns out to be anything other than ordinary social climbing hanky panky.

However, I am enjoying (?) the inside look at what sleeping your way to the top means nowadays--with added mean girl on mean girl warfare. The Republican power circle is a smaller club in 2012, it doesn't surprise me that Paula managed to get her picture taken with every one of them, if not sleep with them. But that more than one predatory married female is prowling DC for scalps is a bit of an eyebrow raiser.

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