Friends, It's Time For a Break (Ferret)
Well, Walt Nauta and his boss got indicted, so I guess there’s a civil war now? Being American is so fucking embarrassing sometimes.
(U know u want the links version: https://showercapblog.com/friends-its-time-for-a-break/)
Because wide swaths of the wealthiest, most advanced nation in human history have been overrun by aggressively overcommitted LARPers who refuse to go home and shower, life in these United States remains dangerous in all sorts of dumb, irritating ways.
It’s hard to watch a cut-rate carny like Kari Lake do her carny damndest to incite mob violence without resenting the sheer mediocrity of this fucking movement, isn’t it?
GO HOME AND SHOWER, YOU DORKS. You’ve been sweating farm-grade ivermectin into your cosplay headdresses for seven years now, and you smell weird. I get that you’re upset about the indictments, but it’s not my fault the nincompoop you chose to worship turned out to be such an inept criminal. The warning signs were always there, y’know.
Off-Brand Orbán kicked off his defense as any innocent man would: by feeding the prosecutor’s wife’s name to his loyal murder mob. Made sure to take care of that before tending to insignificant details like replacing the lawyers who quit upon discovering he’d lied to them about the whole “stealing classified intelligence” thing.
See, the lawyers weren’t telling him what he wanted to hear, (in this case, “well of course secret war plans are your personal property!”) so he went in search of something vaguely lawyer-shaped that would, and he found Tom Fitton. Tom has a B.A. in English and some zany misapprehensions about the Presidential Records Act, so I bet he’ll fit right in at Sidney Powell’s weekly poker game.
Anyway, the Dotard celebrated this latest round of felony charges by skipping out on the check after tricking some of his most faithful followers into thinking he’d pay for their lunch. Hey, if you’re still falling for this crap at this late date, you don’t deserve lunch.
Of course, Joe Biden’s done tons of stuff that’s way worse than hiding stolen defense secrets in the bathroom where Eric touches himself to anime porn. And while Chuck Grassley and James Comer can’t technically back up their wild allegations with anything you’d call “evidence” per se, they’ll be launching impeachment proceedings just as soon as they hear back from this one guy who heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who read it on a bathroom stall door in the Pizzagate restaurant basement.
Joe’s perpetratin’ all sorts of tyrannies, actually, including, as Ted Cruz notes, “murdering children dressed as the devil under a full moon while singing Pat Benatar.” Noot Gingrich blew the whistle on the Biden Administration plot to “force every American to drink Bud light and shop at Target,” while Ben Shapiro obtained a leaked copy of draft legislation that would replace grade school math and reading with “Bert and Ernie in assless chaps in the Sesame Street pride parade."
Chaps are inherently assless, Ben. It’s like saying ATM machine.
DeSantistan Attorney General Ashley Moody says, "I believe at this point the Biden administration is coordinating with the cartels,” no doubt to clandestinely smuggle the missing ass portion of the chaps for some nefarious, grooming-related activity.
Ronward himself vowed to rename some military bases after dead losers, looking to pander to the MAGA base, which is comprised entirely of future dead losers.
Asa Hutchinson asked the RNC to kindly add a Does Not Apply to Convicted Felons, Obviously addendum to the loyalty pledge you have to sign to get on the primary debate stage, and the RNC said, “lol what part of ‘suicide pact’ is unclear to you, bro?”
The Republican Party appreciates your concern, Asa, but they’re not quite done debasing themselves on behalf of this particular game show host. From Jim Jordan to Lil’ Marco to Lindsey Graham to…to…
…and it was here, my friends, as I was trying to craft a gag that would pair with a link to Tom Nichols’ latest evisceration of J.D. Vance, that I got hit with what I’m fairly certain was a real motherfucker of an anxiety attack.
Had ‘em before, but never the feels-like-a-heart-attack variety, so I freaked the fuck out and went to the hospital, hence the lack of a Friday nite post. Womp womp. They assured me nothing’s seriously wrong, and we’re doing some more tests next week.
Anyway, in the waiting room, I’m scrolling through Twitter, and I see Jesse Watters is trending, for, it turns out, a casually dehumanizing diatribe targeting the homeless, and it occurs to me that maybe pouring evil into my skull 24/7 isn’t the healthiest choice.
Folks, I need a break. I’ve been feeling burned out for some time now, but I don’t think I’ve been honest with myself about the toll seven years of this shit has taken on me. I need to unplug for a bit. Smell some flowers. Spend a few summer evenings in my favorite Chicago beer gardens, talking about anything but the latest turd to fall from Marjorie Taylor Greene’s mouth.
How long a break? I dunno. Off the top off my head, Labor Day seems like a good target. Gonna percolate on it for a spell. I will let you know.
I don’t say it as often as I should, but I appreciate the hell out of everyone who’s supported this blog over the years. You changed my life. Saved it, probably. I stumbled into this thing backwards, just as I was coming to grips with the fact that my theatre degree was not, as I initially believed, a one-way ticket to fame and fortune.
Anyway, I’m grateful. Thank you. I will back, recharged and rejuvenated. Until then, as ever, you stay safe out there, my friends.
PS - In the interest of completeness, here’re some links to stories I wasn’t able to write jokes for, thanks to my stupid brain chemistry:
Career women in right-wing media tell young girls to give up their dreams at Young Women's Leadership Summit
E. Jean Carroll can pursue $10 million lawsuit against Trump, judge says
Why a South Carolina high school decided to censor Ta-Nehisi Coates
Incidentally, if your kink happens to be Berlusconi obits that double as think pieces about the roots of Trumpism, I imagine every wall in your house is sticky right now.
= new reply since forum marked as read
To keep on keepin' on.
Know what I mean, I mean, you know what I mean?
Whatever you do, enjoy it!
I have no doubt you deserve a break - and I think we ALL do!
Please don't disappear from DU, but take all the vacay you need. Rest up and come back with funny stories.
oh BAM!!!
but do know that you are highly appreciated, and will be missed.
Love your threads
You are sooo appreciated. Please do take a rest. But, not too long now. Sometimes I have to shut it down myself. My brain can't handle any more for an hour or two. Feel better. Enjoy your respite. We'll be here when you get back. Happy summer break. 
🌳 🌺🥀🌹🌻🌼🌷🌸🌿
It's still the place where everything is good, beautiful, and true.
Fresh air and sunshine and Mother Nature have been quite restorative for me.
(That and retiring after 40 some years in public education, teaching 6th graders about science and history, then as a middle school and high school librarian, graduating with the class of 2017.) 
Wishing you love and laughter, good health, good times with family and friends, sweet Shalom, peace and quiet so you can hear your own thoughts beyond the MegaMAGA~maelstrom.
Take good care of yourself, Ferret dearest.
Au revoir, until we see you again.
🕊thatcrowwoman
We'll be here when you get back 
You've helped us laugh in the face of the disaster that is the Trump era and helped keep us mostly sane all these years.
Take the time, and all the beer you need. We'll be here when you're able to come back, whenever that is. Maybe things will be a little better by then.
I also want to add, you're a wonderful observer and a talented writer of the absurd. You belong in the company of the great satirists like Will Rogers, Mark Twain, George Carlin and Jonathan Swift.
We will look forward to seeing you again at some point, rested and refreshed.
P.S. You're right about the chaps!
This is The Hotel California after all.
You can check out any time you please, but you can never leave.
I have tried everything. Time machines, inter dimensional transmogrification, tunnels with a spork, walking away humming… E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G! To no avail, alas.
We’re caught up in a strange attractor.
So, yes… Take a breather. When your brain screams for it’s accustomed spurt of norepinephrine mixed with beer vapors. Come back for a fix. We’ll be waiting with open arms and probably talking about the same verse.
Thank you for the last seven billion years and you’re welcome.
