Yeah, Kellyanne, Liars are the Worst. (Ferret)
So, my birthday was this week, and I asked the Birthday Fairy for one week without assholes, so I could blog about something pleasant, like cupcakes, or cowboy movies, but the Birthday Fairy told me he wasn't a fucking magician, so I guess we’ll do what we we usually do instead.
(Links and stimulating colors await ye on my blog site: https://showercapblog.com/yeah-kellyanne-liars-are-the-worst/)
Kellyanne Conway is sick of all the dishonesty, you guys. She’s had it up to here (indicating the scar she received at the Bowling Green massacre) with the malignant mendacity of “the people whose job it is to tell you the truth, in the media,” as she put it to Sean Hannity, who agreed that lying is a very bad thing indeed. They were really quite indignant about it.
To be clear, I am, in fact, talking about the Sean Hannity from the Dominion lawsuit filings. In case you thought I meant some other, non-propagandist Sean Hannity, one with decency and shame, who maybe runs a little stationery shop on the outskirts of Paducah. Nope. The one on Fox News.
Oh Fox. You blight. You tumor. If you weren’t ripping my country apart, I’d almost admire the way you’ve built an audience that shrugs off mountains of evidence that you lie to them about the most important things in the world. The tensile strength of the bubble is impressive, is all I’m saying.
In California, one wingnut-dominated county board just cancelled their contract with Dominion, at massive expense to taxpayers. Yes, after days of global headlines about Fox’s lies. See, in Republican politics, the public must submit to the delusions of the most easily deceived among them.
…which doesn’t seem fair.
Tucker Carlson understands that Fox’s audience doesn’t want news, they want a news-shaped excuse to hate the people they already hate. Which Fox provides, better than anyone anywhere. Fox is the Disney of hate. They’ll have a theme park some day.
I always enjoy watching Paul Ryan’s sham intellect fail him. His floundering failure to defend his complicity in Fox’s fuckery was…perfect. In the party of Lauren Boebert, Paul’s a “thought leader;” in the real world, you’d think twice about entrusting him with the shift manager’s keyring.
Bless their unteachable hearts, House Republicans stomped back to their little hearing rooms this week, more determined than ever to broadcast their many derangements to the electorate. “HEY AMERICA!” they bellow, for reasons I have struggled to grasp, “LOOKIT ALL THE STUPID FAKE SHIT WE BELIEVE!”
Um…okay. If you insist.
“NO SERIOUSLY THERE IS NO HOAX TOO BUFFOONISH FOR US TO UNCRITICALLY PLATFORM!”
That’s nice. Look, I’m meeting somebody for lunch, so-
“FRAZZLEDRIP JADE HELM DEEP STATE BENGHAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!”
…okay. Well, it was nice catching up!
“(FURIOUSLY GUZZLES IVERMECTIN SMOOTHIE)”
Carnies in Tim Burton movies are less weird than the parade of whackjobs Jim Jordan trotted out as “whistleblowers,” or the freaks n’ geeks on the coronavirus subcommittee. It was thoughtful of Matt Gaetz to spice up the proceedings with some Chinese propaganda for a change, though. Variety’s nice.
Meanwhile, House Oversight Chairman James Comer is gonna exhume Beau Biden and lock up his corpse, just as soon as he’s done helping Chris Ruddy extort DirecTV, because Mama Comer raised a normal, healthy, American boy.
Awful, crazy people screaming awful, crazy shit at the top of their lungs. And they never stop.
…but Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks she’s the one who needs a safe space. Me, I would enjoy inhabiting a space safe from the loser terrorist who targeted Jewish officials in Michigan and the “King of the KKK” who just got charged with hate crimes and the Nazi memorabilia-collecting pipe bomber.
Also from anybody who would buy a children’s book from the Libs of TikTok lady, or listen to a musical collaboration between Donald Trump and an insurrectionist fuckwit prison choir. Not because you’re dangerous, because you’re too embarrassing to be around. On a certain very important level, you guys’re just weirdos.
Like, did you the see the cabal of theocrat perverts DeSantis installed on this Disney oversight board? Oh, and Ron has designs on the content, too. Toy Story 5 is gonna be Woody committing a hate crime against the Potato Heads, and then a dog-gnawed vintage Grand Moff Tarkin action figure, voiced by Ben Shapiro, defending him in court.
Jeb(!) Bush, who apparently still exists, endorsed DeSantis this week, and I think that’s just adorable. Endorse to your heart’s content, lil’ guy.
Big congrats go out to Some Florida Republican, who probably has a name but who gives a shit, for his mega-rad bill “cancelling” Democrats over slavery. Everyone was really, really impressed, especially supermodels and your dad. I only hope there was enough room in your garage for all the libs you owned.
Apropos of nothing in particular, I’m fairly certain Hell is being trapped in an elevator with Elon Musk and the Dilbert guy while they whine about getting cancelled. The reason you dorks are going to lose this culture war is that you are fucking unendurable. Just a heads-up.
Anyway. I’m finding my silver lining this week in the sea of empty chairs at CPAC.
I don’t have the strength for CPAC right now, though I would like to offer my thoughts and prayers to what I’m sure will be an lengthy procession of frustrated congeniality consultants tasked with drawing humanity out of Mike Pompeo.
Yeah, short one tonight, and I know I missed a bunch of stuff. Bear with me, I’m still hacking my way through that slump from a couple weeks back. I’ll figure it out. You stay safe out there, m’loves.
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Hope you had a great one & that you have many happy returns! 
Like most here, I share your desire to live in a hate free zone!
You make the insufferable weirdly and wildly funny AF. 