HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Top 10 Conservative Idiot...

Thu Jan 12, 2023, 07:15 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #25 - The Best Of "I Need A Drink" Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #25 – The Best Of “I Need A Drink” Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Oh hello! I know, right? We’re into week 2 of our winter break and I don’t know about you guys, but I could really use a drink! While we’re on our extended hiatus for the winter, we’re bringing you a series of Best Of Editions, and this time we decided to focus on some of our more popular segments. We did this with Holy Shit and last week we brought you the best of Conspiracy Corner. This week, we’re bringing you the best of I Need A Drink! I Need A Drink debuted in Idiots #2-20 (original airdate: 4/19/2017) and it’s been one of our most popular segments ever since. The idea behind this segment of course is that we have some drinks and while we’re drinking we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because there’s a lot of really dark shit in the news right now – whether it’s hate crimes on the rise or mass shootings or Kanye openly saying that he loves Hitler. Yeah, we could all use a bit of escapism from the every day madness. Like most things we do, this bit was obviously inspired by Stephen Colbert, but way back on the old Colbert Report show. And I can’t find the clip on Youtube but here's a clip of the man himself drinking a cold one and kicking back on the couch:

So where do we begin for this Best Of? Like all things, we need to go back to the beginning and the very first “I Need A Drink” (1) that we ever did way back in Idiots #2-20, where we covered all the fun things to do on the stoner holiday of 4/20 and we could also use a smoke for that one! In the second slot, from Idiots #4-17, where we take you all the way back to the much more innocent times of 2018 when the family Windsor, aka the British Royal Family, was celebrating a wedding and there were some absolutely ridiculous prop betting and speculation (2) regarding the wedding. I do love me some prop bets! In the number 3 slot, we go back to Idiots #5-23 and one of my favorite events of the year – the annual New York gathering of jolly old St. Nicks known as SantaCon, and these Santas don’t care if you’re naughty or nice, they just want to drink and get laid, and most of these Santas would probably wind up on the real Santa’s naughty list! In the number 4 slot, from Idiots #5-16, we take you back before Kanye went full Nazi and we learned that his iPhone password is 123456, and the entire world laughed at his glorious lack of cyber security. In the number 5 slot, we go back to Idiots #6-18 and one of the most overhyped events of the century turned into one of the biggest marketing failures ever, and that’s the Fyre Festival (5) which proved to be an absolute disaster. In the number 6 slot this week, from Idiots #7-5, remember school sports? Well there was a bizarre campaign to get the sport of Dodgeball banned (6) because of absolutely ridiculous reasons, and we’re not sure if Peter LaFluer would approve or not. Taking the number 7 seed is from Idiots #8-9, our last proper Idiots before we went into full apocalyptic lockdown mode, we drank to toast the unfortunate demise of wannabe rocket scientist and Flat Earther Mad Mike Hughes, who as we predicted, went out in a literal blaze of glory! At #8, from Idiots #11-12, apparently celebrities not showering is a thing and we drink and nearly vomit over the thought of people not taking a shower for weeks at a time! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot from Idiots #12-6, we go back to summer of 2021 and tell you the tale of a gigantic black bear terrorizing the residents of Lake Tahoe who the locals have dubbed “Hank The Tank” and it’s even crazier than the headlines said! Finally closing out this Best Of Edition, from Idiots #12-14, sorry ladies, but we got to do it – we have to talk about a national study that came out that said that American males are suffering from increasingly smaller average penis sizes, and maybe that’s why Tucker Carlson started hawking testicle tanning salons? Who knows? Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]420 Events[/font]

From: Idiots #2-20

It’s now time for another installment of:

You know what? Fuck it, I need a joint. And can we get some appropriate music?

Especially before Jeff Sessions unleashes The War On Drugs II: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder. Ah yeah that’s some good shit right there! And it has to be some good shit because you don’t want to smoke the wrong ganja. Am I right about that? Because… yeah… we don’t want you here at the Top 10 to think it’s all about negativity. No, we want you to leave here with a positive vibe. Especially since it’s legal now!

SAN FRANCISCO (KPIX 5) — We’re less than a month away from the 4/20 festival at San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park.

But the pot-smoking holiday will look a lot different this year.

Every year thousands of stoners converge on the park’s Hippie Hill to celebrate 4/20.

Sarah Madland Director of Policy and Public Affairs at the San Francisco Recreation and Parks Department said, “This has been a rogue kind of spontaneous thing.

And for just as long, the city’s police and officials have chosen to sit back, hope for the best and then spend around $50,000 cleaning up after everyone.

And there’s other 420 Events that you could choose to go to if you’re into smoking the reefer. You can go watch 2 Chainz in downtown Denver celebrating 4/20. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Denver since weed was made legal in Colorado, but on 4/20 downtown Denver is so smoky that it gets a contact high!

Following a 2016 event that was postponed because of a snowstorm and finally staged a month later, the 2017 Denver 4/20 Rally is scheduled to take place on the actual date of April 20 for the first time in four years. That means it should happen on a Thursday instead of a weekend, but this timing hasn't caused promoter Santino Walter of Civic Center Park Productions to lower his expectations for the gathering, which is centered around a free concert headlined by 2 Chainz.

"I think it's going to be huge," Walter says. "Denver is still the biggest destination to travel to and legally buy and consume retail cannabis for 4/20. You can see it in the way the hotels are already booked out, the cost of flights out here, how flights are booked up, the amount of superstar celebrities who will be in our city the four or five days of 4/20 weekend. So I think we're probably going to have the largest event we've ever had."

When he's asked if there were any lessons learned from last year's postponement, Walter is adamant: "No. That is a major misconception." Granted, the ultra-late postponement of the 2016 rally stirred controversy, and Walter says decisions about any possible weather-related delays will be made at least 24 hours in advance going forward. But otherwise, he sees the way things worked out as having been "a gift from God."

God, I love that movie! Or maybe go to Miami where there’s going to be some bumping 4/20 parties, and don’t tell Jeff Sessions!

Much like Super Bowl Sunday (and the Hangover Monday that follows), April 20 — or 4/20 — has become an unofficial holiday. Employees will call in sick and students will skip classes. It’s a national day of stoned joy resulting from the now-mainstream embrace of those three simple numbers: 4, 2, and 0.

The date has been nearly ubiquitous in weed culture for the past 30-odd years. The term originated with a group of California potheads in the '70s and was popularized by the Grateful Dead once the bandmates caught a whiff of the super-duper-secret code and spread its use with every show thereafter. Considering the close relationship marijuana has enjoyed with music for the better part of the past half-century, it seems natural that a rock 'n' roll jam band became the Johnny Appleseeds of planting 4/20 in the minds of the masses.

But whatever you do, don’t be like this douchebag and start selling tickets to free events. That shit isn’t cool, and it definitely doesn’t fly here at the Top 10!

People have been flocking to Hippie Hill for years to smoke weed on 4/20, and now someone is apparently trying to capitalize on the occasion by selling tickets.

The only problem? The event in Golden Gate Park is free of charge.

The opportunist is advertising the event as "HIPPY HILL 420 EVENT IN GOLDEN GATE PARK" on Eventbrite. Beyond the fact they misspelled Hippie Hill, the tickets are $20 each.

According to the Eventbrite page, the organizer is "Kind Friends Advertisement." A Google search yields nothing on the organizer, and their profile page on Eventbrite is empty.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #4-17

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!!! And it lands on… oh look it’s another clip without context!

Boy the fundies sure do love being dominated, don’t they? Spin it again! It’s now time for:

Yes I need a drink this week! And man this week has got particularly dark. So tell me, bartender, what goes well with the Royal Wedding? Elton John’s tears in a glass? Yeah I think that might be impossible to obtain. Since we are talking about the royal wedding, just bring me some tall boys of Boddingtons Lager – that’s some good shit! So the Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and Megan Markle is happening on May 19th. And we’re going to do you the favor and show you how you can turn the forthcoming Royal Wedding into a money making opportunity! Because this is 2018 we’re talking about here. For one thing if you live in London and you happen to own a company that manufactures high end wedding invitations you are gettin’ paid!

We may not know the exact price of the invitations, but we do know the May 19 wedding is on track to cost an estimated $2.8 million, according to the U.K.-based wedding planning app Bridebook. Experts in the U.S. have their own guesses about the invitations’ value.

Sarah Sadler, a client coordinator with New York printer Bella Figura, tells MONEY that she thinks printing 600 of Harry and Markle’s invitations probably cost about $7,500. With inserts or envelopes, the total was likely about $10,000.

The bulk of the cost came from the die stamping, also called engraving. Sadler said it’s more expensive than letterpress because “it requires a lot more work and a lot more high-end materials.” It’s an older, traditional process that involves someone making each invitation by hand.

Die stamping isn’t easy. Small likely had to keep checking the color and making sure the pressure was consistent. She also likely had to print double the amount of invitations just to get 600 good ones to send out.

Of course Seinfeld has taught us that you never go cheap on wedding invitations! So that’s just one of many possibilities that you can make money on. But for us average chumps – there’s always one of my favorite things that come up at times like this – the prop bet! I love some good prop bets! And there are some awesome ones for the Royal Wedding:

Royal watchers have been abuzz with anticipation following the recent announcement that Prince Harry will soon tie the knot with American actress Meghan Markle. Naturally, that enthusiasm has spread to the entertainment betting odds, where a host of proposition wagers are now available covering the happy couple’s impending nuptials and future children.

Currently fifth in the line of succession to the British throne, Harry played a very active role in the wedding of his older brother, Prince William, to Kate Middleton in April 2011. William broke with royal tradition at his wedding by having Harry stand with him as best man.

Little brother is widely expected to return the favor at his wedding next spring, making William a heavy -3300 favorite to be Harry’s best man, while Tom Inskip, a close boyhood friend of the prince, trails at +800.

Far more mystery surrounds which musical artist will be the wedding performer at what is expected to be one of the most watched events of 2018. Singer/songwriter Elton John enjoyed a close personal relationship with Harry’s mother, Diana, and is warmly remembered for his rendition of Candle in the Wind at the funeral of the People’s Princess in September 1997.

The 70-year-old star leads a star-studded list of British artists as a +125 favorite to serenade the happy couple on their big day, followed by pop star Ed Sheeran, who is pegged at +400 after publicly stating his desire to get the gig, while Grammy Award-winning singer Adele trails at +800.

And why wouldn’t Elton John be the favorite of the Royal Family? Well if gambling isn’t your thing, there’s always merchandising! Why place money on odds if the house always wins? And in this case it’s the royal house! Even Las Vegas and London can’t help but get in on some of that sweet prop betting action:

There are several more Royal Wedding betting markets which could prove popular with punters as there is a semblance of value to be had. Alas the markets on the wedding date has now closed – May 2018 was an odds-on favourite from the moment the engagement was announced.

And the Royal Wedding odds on the venue were only opened for a short time – one day after announcing their engagement, Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will be married in St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle.

However, the invite list makes for some fascinating Royal Wedding bet opportunities. As it is 5/4 Elton John will perform at the wedding, the 1/25 about him attending the event is something of a gimme.

At the other end of the scale 50/1 about Donald Trump attending should have a nought or two added to it. But Paddy Power’s 3/1 about the Sky F1 reporter Natalie Pinkham smacks of a good thing.

It may have once been reported Prince Harry and Pinkham shared a kiss but that was over a decade ago. The former World Poker Tour presenter has since got married and become a mother. More importantly she is a very close friend of Mike Tindall and Zara Tindall (nee Phillips), Prince Harry’s aunty.

So if prop bets aren’t your thing there’s always making money selling stupid shit! Yes, as the great Mel Brooks said in the movie Spaceballs – the real money being made is in merchandising!

In the King and Queen Gift Shop at the foot of Windsor's Castle Hill, Harry and Meghan memorabilia have been flying off the shelves. Tourists have been snapping up fridge magnets, T-shirts, tea towels and mugs bearing images of the happy couple and costing $18 or more. Margaret Tyler from London was in Windsor recently adding to her collection of royal souvenirs.

“I’ve already got about 10,000 at home. Everything you can imagine, from mugs and plaques and figurines, covering several generations of royals. I’ve got so much that there’s hardly any room to move around my house. I’ve got a sofa, a television and a little kitchen. I haven’t got room for anything else,” Tyler said. “Nevertheless, I’m still looking for more commemorative items. I love the royal family.”

The royal wedding has triggered an avalanche of royal tat, including some bizarre products like the Harry and Meghan breakfast cereal, and the aim is obvious: to make a quick buck.

But in tune with the socially aware image that the young couple has been energetically projecting, there’s been an effort to link this demand for souvenirs to a charitable cause. “For Richer, For Poorer” is the result. This is a new brand of souvenirs, launched by a group of design and marketing consultants, and aimed at raising funds for the homeless of Windsor. Giulia Watson of Revolt Communications leads the project.

So at least the money there is going to a good cause, but people love merchandise for things. And only in England would you see a merch booth outside Westminster Abbey on Royal Wedding day, because, reasons, and money. Even if you own property in London you’re in luck!

Windsor residents are renting out their homes over the royal wedding weekend for extremely high prices.

One two-bedroom property that sleeps four is listed on Airbnb as being “located perfectly for the royal wedding” – and it costs £3,195 for the night.

The host is just one of many homeowners capitalising on public interest in the upcoming nuptials of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle by renting out their properties at increased prices.

On Airbnb, various homes are listed as “luxury royal wedding accommodation” and are going for more than £2,000 a night.

Other people are merely renting out spare rooms in their Windsor houses – although these are still going for increased rates.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-23

Hey London I really need a drink!

So of course you know by now that the idea of this is that we have a few drinks, get drunk, and talk about anything in the news that doesn’t relate to politics. And this week we’ve got our annual holiday gift guide. So tell me bartender, what goes well with Santa? Peppermint schnapps? No thanks, I can’t stand mint flavor. I’ll stick with my Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. Well the reason I bring up Santa is that this week was Santa Con in New York City and well, you should never mix booze and bros, because this is the kind of shit that happens. And the people of New York City always dread this kind of year. For good reason.

Over the last two decades, NYC has slowly turned into a playground for the rich—but for one very special day of the year, it transforms into a playground for the drunk. SantaCon swept into town on Saturday, leaving a trail of spilled beer, abandoned Santa hats, and candy cane colored upchuck across Midtown and the East Village.

There are of course plenty of Long Islanders and NJ residents who just want an excuse to have a fun day out with their friends, and organizers have taken pains to snuff out the worst behavior from participants... but there are the people, like the gentleman below, who are just obliterated. If you want to see one SantaCon video that summarizes what it's all about, here you go:

Charitable contributions aside, there is no culture or purpose to SantaCon other than binge drinking (and perhaps reliving fraternity days of yore). The first step to making SantaCon tolerable to the rest of New York is admitting that, letting go of the defensiveness, and then maybe erecting an electric fence around Murray Hill and letting participants roam free without worrying about anyone shouting "MAKE AMERICA SANTA AGAIN" at innocent passersby.

Despite alcohol being banned on all Metro North, LIRR and NJ Transit trains for the day, plenty of people got started nice and early Saturday morning. "We haven’t done anything but wake up and drink," visiting Philly resident Charlie Rahr admitted to the NY Post, inadvertently coining the official motto for the event.

Wait, you can drink on the LIRR and I wasn’t aware of this? I will have to remember that for my next trip to New York City! Get the paper bag PBR special, or maybe you can go even cheaper and get a 40 of Thunderbird! But come on, the draw of Santa Con is that you can get drunk and get holly jolly on everyone’s ass. Just like in Jingle All The Way!

Nothing brings people together quite like getting drunk in a Santa costume — just ask Andy Cohen.

After ridiculing the boozy tradition, Cohen couldn’t help but join in on New York City’s annual SantaCon bar crawl over the weekend when he spotted a party on the roof of a nearby building.

“This is out my kitchen window. This is the beginning of SantaCon,” he said in his Instagram Story on Saturday while recording a party forming across the way. “There are four Santas on this roof. This can’t end well.”

As the party continued to grow, a few partygoers noticed Cohen’s videos and invited him over.

“Do I go? I feel kind of funny, but it could be classic,” he said.

But people think that Santa Con is exclusively a New York City thing but the truth is – it happens all over the country! And besides NYC, San Francisco famously holds an annual Santa Convention and it is just as batshit crazy as, just like its’ NYC counterpart, also has a tendency to draw a particularly rowdy crowd.

Seven Santa Clauses who got higher than a rooftop were busted for being drunk on Saturday in San Francisco during the annual SantaCon pub crawl.

The Santas were nabbed downtown and at the northern waterfront, according to police officer Robert Rueca. Fifteen other Santas were treated by medics for being drunk, tipsy, wobbly, sick or in other conditions brought on by excessive good cheer.

SantaCon, the annual celebration that started in San Francisco in 1994 and spread around the world, features countless celebrants in Santa suits fanning out from Union Square and bellying up to countless bars.

“It’s not officially sanctioned,” said Rueca, “but people do have the freedom to wear whatever disguise they want — that’s out of our control.”

It was not immediately known if there were more drunk Santas this year than in past years. Rueca said that everyone, including Santa, is subject to the same rules about public drunkenness “and it doesn’t matter what outfit you’re wearing.”

And then what happens when a group of rowdy Santas goes to get booze? Well let’s just say it ends badly as it started, with these Santas trashing a popular restaurant in San Francisco. Which begs the question – if Santa’s on the naughty list, who is on the nice list?

Some Santa Claus revelers in San Francisco have made the jolly one's naughty list after trashing a popular Polk Street restaurant Saturday night.

On Monday, in the aftermath of the Santa Con participants' bad behavior, there was growing outrage over videos showing just how bad these Santas were.

Workers at Shalimar, a Pakistani restaurant, were still cleaning up Monday but managed to capture video Saturday night of Santa Con partiers demanding food they never ordered then one woman with a Santa hat in her hand shoving a cash register, a stereo and just about everything that was on the counter onto the floor.

Alejo Cano Chang said the group came in around 7 p.m. During the woman's outburst, she also threw a sugar shaker at him. The vandalism didn't stop there.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-16

Hey Boston, I’m in one of the biggest drinking cities in America, I really need a drink!

So of course you know the idea behind this segment is that we have a few drinks and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. But this week we’re actually going to break our rule and talk about something in politics. While I generally don’t mix booze and politics I do mix booze and fails. So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about Kanye? Really? There’s a beer called “Stable Genius”? Why didn’t I think of that? Ah I’ll just have my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So I’m sure by now you heard that Kanye West was meeting with Trump last week and somebody may have discovered that his passcode is 000000. Even Saturday Night Live made fun of it:

Excuse me a minute… Yeah that happened. So there’s of course more to this story than you might think:

Kanye West may need a new iPhone password. The outspoken musician accidentally revealed his password when unlocking his iPhone X on video during a meeting with President Trump, shown to be the incredibly weak combination of 000000.

West revealed the password as part of a stream of consciousness speech to the president, which saw him break off on a tangent to show off a GIF of what West referred to as “the iPlane 1,” a hydrogen-powered concept aircraft that he felt “our President should be flying in.” (Trump: “Can we get rid of Air Force One? No?”)

Despite using an iPhone X or XS — which both support Face ID, therefore negating the need for a typed-in password — West chose to unlock his phone manually. (Whether Face ID failed, was disabled, or is simply not fast enough for West is unclear.) Apple doesn’t recommend that users set such a simple password on its iOS devices. If you attempt to change your password to something like 000000 or 123456, a notification will pop up, suggesting that the combination can be easily guessed and recommending that you choose something else.

Despite using an iPhone X or XS — which both support Face ID, therefore negating the need for a typed-in password — West chose to unlock his phone manually. (Whether Face ID failed, was disabled, or is simply not fast enough for West is unclear.) Apple doesn’t recommend that users set such a simple password on its iOS devices. If you attempt to change your password to something like 000000 or 123456, a notification will pop up, suggesting that the combination can be easily guessed and recommending that you choose something else.

Come on, Kanye! You’ve got an iPhone X! You can unlock the phone with your face, and the fact that Kanye doesn’t do that already to me is beyond baffling. You know that Kim somewhere has her phone setup to unlock by selfie. Of course it’s a bad idea to use 000000. You might as well have a sign on your back that says “hack me”!

It’s still not exactly clear why Kanye West is so enamored with the science denying, race-baiting commander-in-chief. But fortunately, it’s only a matter of time before the truth gets out thanks to some noble iPhone hacker: My dude’s lock-screen password is literally 000000.

We know this because the Chicago rapper visited the Oval Office on Thursday to discuss topics ranging from prison reform to job opportunities for ex-cons. At one point in the meeting, Kanye wanted to show the president something on his phone, and proceeded to unlock it on live television. In short order, the whole world had an opportunity to grasp just how much Ye’s commitment to cybersecurity leaves to be desired.

All of this could have been easily avoided if he had used FaceID to unlock his phone. But, it seems that he either didn’t activate the facial recognition feature introduced with the iPhone X — or it simply didn’t work.

The musician’s ensuing rant left the President speechless as well as many onlookers, making Kanye’s dumb-ass password the photo-op’s main takeaway. One viral tweet amassed more than 39,000 likes, 12,000 retweets, and almost 800 replies at the time of this writing.

Come on Kanye, you’re one of the most famous people in the world. Like I said you might as well invite people to hack you. I’m sure Trump somewhere is going “Come on, my iPhone passcode is 123456, no one can hack me!”. Of course you can. In fact it’s probably illegal.

The day has come: Kanye West met with Donald Trump for the second time since the 2016 election. There were hugs. MAGA hats. West praised Trump's relations with North Korea, and gave a monologue that touched on everything from the 13th and 2nd amendments to Superman. The whole event was confusing, uncomfortable, and deeply depressing. But there was one small spark of joy.

West, a man who has referred to himself on a number of occasions as "Steve Jobs," a man who expresses unreserved admiration for Jobs and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, uses 000000 as the passcode for his iPhone. He is one of the biggest celebrities in the world. The contents of his phone are probably more valuable than Elon Musk's current net worth. How could he have such bad security?!

He'll probably change it now, but it was still hilarious. Do you think the passcode is performance art? Has Kanye heard of two-factor authentication? Will that cousin who stole his laptop come back for the iPhone?

Jobs is turning in his grave.

Does anyone get the irony of this? The guy who travels with a 50 person entourage for security purposes obviously doesn’t give a shit about cyber security! So go on, if someone is dumb enough to give their passcode is 000000, don’t be surprised when you get hacked! And I guess Kim isn’t too concerned either!

It's been an interesting couple of weeks for Kanye West, whose Trump-supporting antics peaked this past week when he met with Donald Trump in the White House. The meeting was a bizarre spectacle to say the least, with Kanye pitching Air Force 1 ideas, dropping quotes like 'Time is a myth,' and accidentally revealing his uninspired iPhone passcode.

Despite the backlash, CNN says that Kim Kardashian West is "not embarrassed" by Kanye's behavior, contrary to previous reports. "Kim is incredibly supportive," a source said, adding that West's mind "moves at lightning speed" and suggested the forum for the White House meeting wasn't the best representation of West's "genius."

Leading up to Kanye's White House appearance, Kardashian told Extra that she excited for it. "I always say he isn't the best communicator, but he has the best heart," Kardashian said. "I know what he wants to accomplish... and I can't wait to see that happen."

Shortly after Kanye's surprise post-show rant on SNL, the rapper deactivated his social media accounts. But he made his return to Twitter yesterday for a lengthy discussion on mind control.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #6-17

Hey Montana we’re at a brewery and I really need a drink!

So you know the idea behind this segment is that too much talking about politics and everything else that goes on in the world causes us to drink. But we have a rule here at the Top 10 – while we are drinking, we talk about literally anything in the world as long as it doesn’t relate to politics, because mixing drinking and politics never ends well. Tell me bartender – what goes well with a music festival fail? Really? You don’t have any suggestions for that? Why don’t you bring over a couple of pitchers of IPAs? Oh yeah that’s the stuff! Two years ago, we went through the epic fail that was the Fyre Festival, and it was a colossal fail. Now this year the 50th anniversary of Woodstock also crashed and burned. So how did it happen?

The troubled Woodstock 50 festival has run into more difficulties, as multiple sources told Variety late Friday that the April 22 on-sale date for the event has been postponed.

Agents for artists scheduled to perform at the festival — which include Jay-Z, Dead & Company, Chance the Rapper, Miley Cyrus, Imagine Dragons and Halsey — received a notice from festival talent buyer Danny Wimmer Presents that reads, according to Hits Daily Double, “There is currently a hold on the Woodstock 50 on-sale date. We are waiting on an official press statement from Woodstock 50 regarding updated announce, ticket pricing, and overall festival information. We will get this information to you as soon as we receive it.”

Tim O’Hearn, administrator for Schuyler County, where the event is scheduled to be held, told the Poughkeepsie Journal that the state Department of Health is reviewing Woodstock 50’s permit application, which he said was submitted April 15. The state must issue a temporary permit for events before ticket sales can begin, he said. Ticket prices have not been revealed in the month since the festival’s lineup was announced.

A spokesperson for the festival seemed to dispute reports of trouble in a statement to Variety that reads: “Woodstock is a phenomenon that for fifty years has drawn attention to its principles and also the rumors that can be attached to that attention. Just more rumors.”

Of course it’s executive drunk! It’s like regular drunk except there’s no bar required. And it’s apparently still slightly OK to drive. But we don’t encourage that here. Getting off topic. So of course we’ve all been burned by bad ticket sales – just ask anyone who attempted to get tickets for the Rolling Stones’ Honk tour, or Metallica’s S&M show in San Francisco. Now what are other ways this could possibly go wrong? Well several!

A dispute among Woodstock 50 organizers over whether the upcoming anniversary concert is canceled or not marks the latest issue to plague concerts linked to the famous festival held in August 1969.

In fact, the original concert — the Woodstock Music and Art Fair — lost its site in July 1969, about a month before it was scheduled to be held. Woodstock co-producer and co-founder Michael Lang quickly found farmland owned by Sullivan County farmer Max Yasgur and announced within days that Woodstock would be held in Bethel.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Uncertainty, however, now hangs over plans for a 50th anniversary Woodstock concert scheduled for Aug. 16-18 in Watkins Glen, Schuyler County.

So is Woodstock 50th anniversary concert an even bigger fail than the Fyre Festival? Well time will certainly tell on that one and you can always judge a fail by the quality of the people behind the fail, but this is my favorite part of the story. What are the odds on the festival’s cancellation? Anyone? Well of course for those compulsive gamblers, Vegas has you covered!

It’s not just amateurs who look at the ongoing imbroglio over the Woodstock 50 festival and think: What are the odds that it ends up being a go? Don’t worry — the pros in Las Vegas have set their minds to it, too.

Jay Kornegay, the head of the Race & Sports Book Operations at Westgate Resorts in Las Vegas, has done his research. “You have so many different views here, with a lot of contradictory information,” he says. “I don’t have a dog in this fight, but based on what I’ve gathered, it’s close to a ‘pick-em,’ a 50-50 bet.”

Woodstock founder Michael Lang is used to bucking odds. After all, no one thought the beatific hippie could pull off the original Woodstock back in 1969, but after all the location disputes, gridlocked traffic, mud and free admission, he and his partners ended up with a money-making documentary and a brand that has seemingly withstood the test of time.

The promoter continues to insist Woodstock 50 will take place August 16-18 at Watkins Glen Speedway in upstate New York, and the acts remain on hold, having been paid. But the well-publicized travesty of the Fyre Festival has people increasingly gun-shy about how to overcome such tough logistics. The loss of Japanese financiers Dentsu and now Lang’s production company, Superfly, compounded by a missed on-sale ticket date of April 22, have left the fate of the festival very much in doubt.

Yeah so if you’re gambling don’t bother with statistics and odds, just go with the flow here, and have another drink. I mean if the odds are that Woodstock 50 is a go, why wouldn’t it be? Oh wait, the show has effectively been cancelled. Well at least the Woodstock 50 people and the Fyre Festival people can maybe trade some notes because they are both are total clusterfucks.

The festival is scheduled to begin Aug. 16 at Watkins Glen International raceway in Schuyler County.

Lang declined to say when, if the list of needs is not met in the next two weeks as hopes, he would pull the plug on the festival. But, he said, “If it’s going to happen it’s going to come together very quick.”

Underscoring this all is a pattern in which Lang says one thing and others say something else, or nothing at all. And, though Lang has the experience of promoting three previous versions of Woodstock, the brand’s legacy as a cultural touchstone cannot be separated from its legacy of problems.

Even the original, held in Sullivan County on Aug. 15-18, 1969, is known for its traffic, rain and attendees who found a way around buying tickets.

What impact those issues have had on the music industry’s confidence in Lang’s ability to smoothly create a festival of this scope is unclear. But, there are those who have faith in his ability to rally.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #7-5

Ah Dallas, it’s the end of our Texas Roadshow. We traveled nearly 1600 miles to get here, and I really need a drink!

So of course you know the idea behind this segment is that we don’t mix booze and politics, but we do mix booze and comedy! So tell me, bartender, what goes well with dodgeball? Oh a poppy flavored lollipop? Well you’re a doo doo head!! Ah you know I’ll just take my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. I call it the Double Jack! Folks, one of America’s most time-honored traditions, the trash talking, playground bullying sport known as Dodgeball is under attack. And really, you are just now figuring this out about Dodgeball? I mean just how bad is our favorite playground pastime?

Most people would call dodgeball a harmless playground activity, but a team of Canadian researchers argue the game is a tool of oppression that can unfairly target students perceived as “weaker individuals.”

The group presented their argument Monday at a conference organized by the Canadian Society for the Study of Education in Vancouver, according to CTV News.

They claim dodgeball — which requires players to eliminate their opponents by hitting them with rubber balls — teaches students to dehumanize each other and creates unsafe conditions in schools.

“Dodgeball is the only game where the human is the target. No other games focus on it,” study co-presenter Joy Butler, a professor at the University of British Columbia, told CTV News.

“It’s tantamount to legalized bullying,” she added.

Butler worked alongside David Burns, a professor at the Kwantlen Polytechnic, and Claire Robson, a professor at Simon Fraser University.

Legalized bullying? Seriously, dude, lighten up. Were you the one who always got picked last for softball? Come on, Dodgeball combines two things that are as old as time itself – trash talking and human targets! And I mean come on, if a game of dodgeball breaks out, you should expect to get hurt followed by some trash talking. And I mean really why stop there? Just ban all playground activities while we’re at it. You’re it!

An old State Department of Education document recommending the elimination of “inappropriate” games such as kickball and tag from Alabama physical education curriculums is getting new attention this week.

The state department said it was fielding calls from national media outlets such as CNN and Newsweek on Wednesday after the list was shared by a state department employee earlier this week. As of Wednesday, the document was no longer on the website and the state said it doesn't reflect an official position of the department.

Many of the games and descriptions that are “highly recommended and suggested” not to be allowed in Alabama schools’ P.E. programs also appear to be copy and pasted from one website's so-called "P.E. Hall of Shame," whose director said the recommendations are backed by decades of research.

“Duck, Duck, Goose: A game of minimal participation; the chosen “goose” attempts to get up from a sitting position and try to catch the “ducker” who only has to go about 60 feet and already has a full running head start. Everyone else just sits and screams at ear-shattering pitch and decibel levels,” one item reads.

Yeah when kickball is outlawed, only outlaws will have kickballs! Suck on that!! OK I think I might have taken things a bit too far here. Nah, this is the Trump administration that we’re living in here, nobody apologizes for anything! So in case you’re wondering whether or not schools are removing our favorite playground past times, let’s take a look at the list of the reasons why.


Bullying has been a hot topic in recent years, as the incidence of bullying and cyberbullying and the resultant student anguish has received national news attention. A closer eye has been taken to the issue of student-on-student harassment. Human target games can encourage students to participate in hostile targeting and can mask bullying under the guise of team sports. Games such as dodgeball can inadvertently promote violence, and it can be hard for authority figures to distinguish what’s a hostile attack from what’s innocent play.

Individual Capacity

Each student is different, and that means that their physical fitness, strength, and personality are all individualistic. In games like dodgeball, students who fall on the lower side of the physical fitness or extroversion scale become easy targets, typically enduring consistent early elimination from such games. This can weigh heavily on young psyches as some students may be routinely excluded from full participation.

Quality of Activities

Although some games like dodgeball are old classics, a growing concern lies within the educational aspect of such exercises. Meeting the needs of all children, spurring them to take a vested interest in physical activity, teaching them to work together, and also challenging their brains are all integral parts of a well-rounded physical education program. As the health of the nation becomes a growing concern, teaching children how to become active and participate in sports is part of constructing a framework that can lead them to a lifetime of health and wellness.

Come on, why so serious, guys? There’s plenty of reasons to love competitive elimination contests, and you just listed all the reasons. Did you not see the movie Dodgeball? That was the whole point for the stronger ones to beat up on the much weaker ones! And by the way if you ban Dodgeball, only outlaws will be the ones who have Dodgeballs!

The game everyone from the sports teaching know almost. During Dodge ball, two Teams are formed, which are on each side of the field. Then it comes to the players of the opposing team with a Ball to throw, until only one player is left. For generations, international ball is a part of the teaching of sport in Germany and many other countries. And not a few students have carried on from their time at school, a veritable dodgeball Trauma that has developed for some is also a General aversion to ball sports.

scientists from Canada have engaged in a study of how students perceive the game. They came to the conclusion that Dodge ball can be “oppressive” and “dehumanizing”. These are the findings of a survey of students presented to three researchers at a Congress in Vancouver and the “Washington Post” reported. In North America, is played with “Dodgeball” is often an even more stringent version of the international ball, at the several balls at the same time be used.

especially weaker students suffer from dodgeball

“dodgeball is the equivalent of legalized bullying,” said Joy Butler, one of the authors of the study, the TV station CBC. Butler teaches in Vancouver at the British University of Columbia and has worked long as a teacher. The study will soon appear in the journal “European Physical Education Review”.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink: RIP Mad Mike
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #8-9

Folks here in Kansas, it’s my first time here, and I could really use a drink!

When the news gets too dark, the only solution is to kick back with a glass of your favorite beverage of choice and talk about literally anything else. Well, sadly I wish I had better news, but this week, we are saluting the accomplishments of Mike Hughes. Now you might be thinking, “where do I know that name from”? And I answer you – he’s the member of the Flat Earth Society known as “Mad Mike”. We were first introduced to Mad Mike in Idiots #3-24 when he first attempted to shoot to the moon in a homemade rocket. Well, tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about the Flat Earth Society? A flat martini? I think I’ll have an actual martini thanks, and plenty of them! So how did our friend Mad Mike meet his fate? Well the phrase “homemade rocket” immediately is suspect. Also the phrase “self-taught rocket science”. Where did he get that knowledge from? Watching Wile E Coyote cartoons?

A US daredevil pilot has been killed during an attempted launch of a homemade rocket in the Californian desert.

"Mad" Mike Hughes, 64, crash-landed his steam-powered rocket shortly after take-off near Barstow on Saturday.

A video on social media shows a rocket being fired into the sky before plummeting to the ground nearby.

Hughes was well-known for his belief that the Earth was flat. He hoped to prove his theory by going to space.

Saturday's launch was reportedly filmed as part of Homemade Astronauts, a new TV series about amateur rocket makers to be aired on the US Science Channel. The project had to be carried out on a tight budget.

Dude, you don’t have to go into space to prove that the earth is flat. There’s this thing we have called “the sun” and “the moon” that are in the sky that are round. And if I recall my physics classes, that’s exactly what the first astronomers used to disprove this theory over a thousand years ago! Now, we give groups like the Flat Earth Society a whole bunch of shit and they deserve it. But Mad Mike and his sad tragic demise aside, the Flat Society has grown in leaps and bounds in the last 3 years!

It is said that humans are not rational animals but rather rationalizing ones. We often find what is comfortable for us to believe and then look for the information that will justify these beliefs. How else could we explain the recent worldwide growth in the Flat Earth Society? You would think that with so much irrefutable evidence readily available on the web such crazy ideas would be in decline. The opposite is happening.

“Researchers believe they have identified the prime driver for a startling rise in the number of people who think the Earth is flat: Google’s video-sharing site, YouTube,” The Guardian reported in 2020. On the web, it seems that misinformation is battling with information and that misinformation is often winning.

Misinformation is certainly helped by those with a bottomless greed and lust for power and dominance. Mark Zuckerberg has decided that Facebook’s continued growth strategy is to profit from misinformation and fake news. ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ is how Mark thinks. ‘We’ve made so much money already from fake news, why would a growth-at-any-cost company like Facebook change when it’s winning?’

Misinformation feeds off human emotion. Those in power can’t resist pushing the emotional buttons. It is so easy to manipulate people by calling to their most basic instincts. Fear, hate, violence and ‘common sense’ are powerful drivers. Why, it’s common sense that the earth is flat. Just look out your window. It’s flat, isn’t it?

That is a good point. Mad Mike is a reminder that misinformation can not only hurt people emotionally, it can also literally kill you, as we have seen here in this story. But in trying to find stories on Mad Mike for this piece, I also had an interesting thought. And that is why do people who believe the earth is flat also support Trump’s proposed Space Force? Yeah that’s weird ven diagram of people isn’t it? That would be like if you asked Weight Watchers members what their favorite brand of quadruple cheeseburger is. I have my own opinion. It’s Wendys. Just because they’re square.

Not all conspiracy theories are necessarily destructive. Compared to the Birthers, the anti-Vaxers, the deniers of the Sandy Hook Shooting, the Holocaust and Climate Change, the resurgence of the Flat Earth Society of the 1800s seems relatively harmless.

Disagreement over the shape of our planet isn’t being led by the under-educated or the overly impressionable. Thousands of people admit they don’t believe that the Earth is round, and many attend the annual Flat Earth International Conventions for the past several years, posting an active presence on social media. As Tom Nichols, a Ph.D professor at the US Naval War College and author of “The Death of Expertise” says, “it takes a reasonably smart person to construct a really interesting conspiracy theory, because conspiracy theories are actually highly complex explanations. They are also challenging intellectual exercises both for those who hold them and those who would disprove them.”

After all, to suspect we’re being fooled about the curvature of the earth — what damage could that cause? It’s not the first time NASA has been accused of photo-shopping rocket launches, and little wonder; so many of its staff are rocket scientists and would know how to pull it off. It’s impossible for us land-based laypeople to verify such high-tech feats as a rendezvous with Russian Cosmonauts on the International Space Station; to believe that we live on a sphere suspended in an infinite cosmos requires faith in science, rather than faith in a god.

Whoa whoa whoa… they had to get actual Ph.D level physicists involved in this? I mean just… wow, that is completely insane. But just like all insane conspiracy theories, it is definitely dark in nature. And I could really go on all day about how insane the Flat Earth Society it. They’re just like any other group of crazy people out there. But when we think of Mad Mike and the Flat Earth society, we’ve got a long way to go to dispel all the media disinformation out there. But that said, Mad Mike, we salute you!

Michael “Mad Mike” Hughes was an enigma on a mission — to inspire and to upend.

The 64-year-old daredevil limo driver taught himself rocket science, crowdfunded the money to build his own steam-powered rocket out of spare parts and launched himself into the sky three times. He was also a flat-earther who didn’t believe in science. Or gravity, for that matter.

Those may sound contradictory, but maybe they’re not.

He also ran for governor of California in 2018, held a Guinness World Record for longest limo ramp jump in 2002, hosted a flat earth conference in Las Vegas in May 2019, had a documentary made about him called “Rocketman,” had an upcoming Science Channel TV show called “Homemade Astronauts” and harbored fringe beliefs about the government.

On Feb. 22, Hughes launched himself for the third and final time in his homemade rocket, just off Highway 247 in Barstow, California.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #11-12

Hey everyone I don’t know about you but I could really use a drink!

So of course you know that the idea behind this segment is that we have some drinks, and we talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. This week we’re taking a look at the growing phenomenon of celebrities who refuse to take a shower. Yeah it’s a disgusting subject, I know. So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about BO? The BO cocktail? What’s in it? Why don’t you just bottle that and sell it as a COVID cure to idiots who refuse to get the vaccine? All right I’ll go partners with you. In the meantime I want my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. I mean come on, we’re in Salt Lake City. We have to jump through hoops for our booze! But this week we’re going to talk about the phenomenon of the stinky celebrity. It’s been reported that a growing number of celebrities are among those who refuse to shower. So what is going on exactly? Well it just seems like it’s one after another after another!

From juice cleanses to keto diets, and more recently, anti-vaccine conspiracy theories, it seems wealthy celebrities always have something to say about how we, the humble poors and normies, should be living our best, healthiest lives. This sort of out-of-touch prescriptivism is, after all, the stuff of multi-million dollar celebrity lifestyle brands, from Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop to Kourtney Kardashian's Poosh. If we try this life hack or that, our lives will supposedly become like those of the celebrities we're taught to worship.

Enter: the celebrity bath debate, that's split up an entire roster of A-listers into Team Shower vs. Team Anti-Shower. Somewhere in the shuffle between noting the shower statuses of Chris Evans and Cardi B, one has to take a step back and ask themselves, what does any of this really mean? Why do we, as a culture, even care? And is anyone really all that shocked that Jake Gyllenhal doesn't bathe? To answer these and other questions requires us to go back to the start, when the controversy first emerged earlier this summer.

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis got us started in July when they opened up about only bathing their children when they start to smell, and fellow celeb parents Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard co-signed. What followed was a symphony of celebrity confessions and rebuffs.

Ah I needed that! So that’s the entire thing about celebrities – they’re weird. We get it. But that’s why they’re celebrities. It’s why Gwenyth Paltrow sells a $100 candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina” that exploded. Yeah picture that for a minute. I’m getting off topic here. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg, and there’s plenty of bizarre celebrity behavior that could span over several editions of our favorite segment here. But none have gone as far as Paul Wall who doesn’t even wear deodorant! Get the puke bucket ready!

Just when you thought the great shower debate was over, 97.9 The Box kicked it back into gear. We recently witnessed celebrities coming forward to reveal that they didn't shower daily. Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, Jake Gyllenhall, and several others admitted that they do not have a habit of showering daily, and Paul Wall has joined the list.

He appeared on 97.9 and was asked about his routine. “Every few days. I’m not gonna say—‘Few’ is like more than two, so it could mean three, it could be thirteen maybe," the rapper joked. "Today is shower day.”

Wall also stated that he does not wear deodorant for health reasons. "I used to, but when I stopped—it’s something you gotta get out of your system—but when I stopped wearing deodorant, I stopped getting as funky when I sweat. I don’t know if it’s just a hormone thing when I got older. Maybe it’s ’cause I got older, I don’t know.”

The rapper said that his wife and children continue to wear deodorant even though he has chosen not to. Wall was insistent that he does not smell bad and cited the "aluminum in deodorant" as the reason why he has opted to not use certain products. Swipe below to listen to the rapper explain himself in full.

Yes, we like our booze in mass quantities here! And me being the host of the show, I get my drinks comped! But that said, there’s not all celebrities who are refusing to cleanse themselves. The antidote to this madness comes from Jason Momoa. Yes, Aquaman himself has the cure for the BS. That’s right – he’s the king of the fucking water, and that’s according to his words. So why wouldn’t he want to bathe or use a pool? Good question!

After the trend of celebrities sharing their controversial bathing habits went viral, Aquaman star Jason Momoa made his position on personal hygiene clear while doing press for his upcoming movie, Sweet Girl. Momoa first hit the scene in 1999 playing Jason Ioane on Baywatch: Hawaii. However, it wasn't until 2011 when he truly stepped into the spotlight after playing Khal Drogo in the first two seasons of HBO's hit fantasy series, Game of Thrones. Since 2011, Momoa has portrayed the half-human, half-Atlantean superhero, Aquaman (a.k.a. Arthur Curry), in the DCEU.

Celebrity hygiene has—strangely enough—become a trending topic in recent weeks, sparking somewhat of a Hollywood bathing debate. The conversation started when Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher told Dax Shepard that they don't bathe daily, Kunis adding: "I don't wash my body with soap every day." They also explained that they didn't wash their kids daily when they were young, raising some eyebrows from readers, and yes⁠, other celebs. On Twitter, Dwayne Johnson said that he's "the opposite of a 'not washing themselves' celeb," and showers at least 3 times a day. Other A-listers have taken their sides, with Shepard's wife, Kristen Bell, and actor Jake Gyllenhaal agreeing with Kunis and Kutcher's more casual approach to bathing. Jodie Turner-Smith, on the other hand, reacted by tweeting: "Before you lot even ask: in this house, we bathe."

In an interview with Access Hollywood alongside co-star Isabel Merced, the whole celebrity showering debate came up in conversation. Momoa insisted that while other celebs might skip out on their daily hygiene rituals, he prefers to stay squeaky clean. Momoa told the interviewer, "I'm Aquaman. I'm in the f–king water. Don't worry about it. I'm Hawaiian. We got saltwater on me. We good."

So now you might be asking “what’s the solution?”. Well I answer you sir / madam, with a simple “I don’t know”. But is going au natural the solution? Well you’re about half right. It turns out that the human need for showering and cleanliness stems out of fear. The most obvious targets being the smelly kids in middle school. You know, kind of like Pig Pen from the old Peanuts cartoons. Ask yourself this – do you want to be Pig Pen or do you want to be like Mila Kunis? Yeah that’s a weird question, but I am kind of drunk right now. No wait, I’m extremely drunk.

This summer, we as an adoring, dutiful public watched in horror as our glamorous perception of celebrities was shattered thanks to waves of rich and famous people coming out as proudly … dirty. The people we’re supposed to hold up as the pinnacle of beauty, taste, and presumably hygiene set the internet ablaze with seemingly endless interviews in which they reveal that they are forgoing the traditional bathing schedule for something a little more, how do you say, au naturel. It turns out all that glitters is in fact not gold, and maybe on top of that is kind of stinky. Well, I’m coming to you today, dear reader, to potentially ruin my own life by saying that actually, this is not that big of a deal. I’m here to stand up for our celebrity brethren and defend their right to be a little bit crusty.

First, I think it’s important to note that I am riddled with personal biases. For example, I have in my past claimed to be a “lil stinker,” which I define as someone who showers when needed based on smell and comfort but not necessarily a daily schedule, and who doesn’t really wear deodorant unless I’m going to something where it would be actively impolite to sweat (think: warm-weather funeral). Does this lead to me being “gross”? My internal polling of those close to me has led me to believe that I am of neutral scent and therefore completely inoffensive (there’s obviously room for error in the event that everyone is lying to me, but I cannot go down that rabbit hole). I guess my deal is mostly like: Some days I don’t shower … and that’s okay.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink: Hank The Tank
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #12-6

Hey everyone, I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink!

Of course you know by now that the idea of this segment is that we have some drinks and while we’re drinking we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics or COVID, or hell war. Yeah that’s right, we’ve got a war brewing right now and it’s not pretty. So this week we are going to talk about a bear that’s been taking America by storm. Let’s go to Northern California, to the city of Lake Tahoe for this story. And yes I could spend all day making jokes about Yogi stealing picnic baskets, but we’ll save that for another discussion. So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about a bear attack? Bear Juice IPA? What’s in that? No thanks, though I do like my IPA s to be large and plentiful, preferably with a high alcohol content. So yeah large IPA please and the largest size ya got! So let’s talk about the bear known as Hank The Tank, who I am sure you’ve probably all heard this story by now.

You may know him as Hank the Tank, but the California Department of Fish and Wildlife knows him as a threat to a Lake Tahoe neighborhood.

For months now, the 500-pound black bear has been roaming the streets in the Tahoe Keys area of South Lake Tahoe, about 100 miles east of Sacramento.

In the span of seven months, the animal caused extensive damage at 33 properties and forcefully entered at least 28 homes, according to a February 17 blog post by the California Department of Fish and Wildlife (CDFW).

The South Lake Tahoe Police Department told CNN on Tuesday it believes Hank is responsible for two more break-ins over the weekend.

A Facebook post by the department says he broke through a small window and somehow squeezed inside a house Friday when no one was there. He did not break into the garage, however, which is where the trash was kept.

No that’s Frank The Tank, but I like where you’re going with that! Yeah so Hank The Tank has been terrorizing Lake Tahoe homes for the better part of the last few weeks. But here’s the weird thing about this is that Lake Tahoe has some bizarre laws about bear attacks and the many scenarios that have been proposed for how to get Hank The Tank to stop, have not been good. In fact all the ways that this has been proposed will not end particularly well for our bear friend here.

The California Department of Fish and Wildlife (CDFW) explained that Hank likely became a little too comfortable with the local amenities. Bears instinctively fatten up to hibernate. However, if food is plentiful, like in Hank’s case, they may avoid hibernation.

“They’re supposed to be hibernating,” Lt. Jeff Roberson of the South Lake Tahoe Police Department told NBC News. “[But if] they’re used to people and being fed year-round, they don’t really do the bear stuff.”

However, after gathering more evidence, it appears Hank took all of the heat when he wasn’t the only one guilty of the looting. Recent DNA tests by CDFW show that at least three different bears partook in the raidings.

“While recent incidents of bears invading homes were originally thought to be a single bear, DNA evidence collected from the most recent incident as well as prior incidents over the past several months prove that at least three bears were responsible for breaking into numerous residences,” CDFW said in a statement.

This could be good news for Hank since authorities were considering capturing and euthanizing the animal. Now, the agency is hoping to “trap, tag and relocate” the bears.

Yeah that’s great! Keep ‘em coming! But yeah… death for Hank The Tank? That’s something that escalated very quickly! And relocation isn’t going to help things either, those animals are large and very territorial. So the good news is that Hank The Tank has staved off death for now. But here’s where it gets weird – it wasn’t just one bear attacking those homes, it was more than one. Why am I reminded of that line in Hot Fuzz where Nick Frost says “It’s just the one killer, actually!”. Thank you sound effects guy!

Hank the Tank is actually a three-bear battalion.

DNA evidence now shows that the 500-pound black bear the public had nicknamed “Hank the Tank” is, in fact, at least three not-so-little bears who have damaged more than 30 properties around Lake Tahoe in recent months.

The state Department of Fish and Wildlife on Thursday said it will soon begin trapping bears in the South Lake Tahoe area to tag the animals and collect evidence for genetic analysis. The bears will be released in a “suitable habitat” and the agency said no trapped animals will be euthanized as part of the project.

The bears are responsible for more than 150 incident reports in the region straddling Northern California and Nevada, including a break-in at a residence in the Tahoe Keys neighborhood last week.

One of the Hanks smashed a window Friday and squeezed into the house on Catalina Drive while the residents were at home, CBS Sacramento reported. Police responded and banged on the outside of the house until Hank exited out the back door and disappeared into the woods.

I’m pretty sure that’s not how Hank The Tank’s fate will end though that is a pretty realistic simulation of what could happen. So the residents of Lake Tahoe are baffled as to what to do with this particular string of bears who are stealing their picnic baskets. And by picnic baskets, I mean they are just looking for something to eat. But that said they can’t keep Hank The Tank and his buddies from finding food, because they’ve ransacked the same home more than once. They are the smarter than the average bear here, but fool me once shame on you. And such. I’m drunk now!

An enormous and locally famous black bear, dubbed Hank the Tank, has reemerged in a South Lake Tahoe neighborhood last week.

According to photos and security footage, the 500 pound bear broke into a house on Catalina Drive in the Tahoe Keys neighborhood of South Lake Tahoe Friday morning.

“This bear did not break into a garage where trash was kept that he was sniffing out,” the South Lake Tahoe Police Department said in a social media post. “He broke into a secured home, through the small window in the photo, and somehow squeezed inside.”

Officers responded to the home and banged on an exterior door until the bear “popped” out a back door, the department said. Officers remained in the area to make sure the bear did damage any other homes.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots # 12-14

Hey everyone! I don’t know about you but I could really use a drink!

So of course you know that the idea of this segment is that we have some drinks and while we’re having drinks we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because let’s face it, there’s a lot of really dark shit out there. And it’s about to get even darker. So let’s kick back with a glass of your favorite beverage and just relax, OK? The topic this week? Well, sorry ladies, but we have to talk about the male anatomy this week. And a particular part is getting a lot of bad press. So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about average penis size? Cream soda? I know there’s a joke there but I’m not touching that one with a 10 foot pole! I’ll just stick with my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So that being said, we need to talk some biology here. The fact of the matter of this study is… it’s not good. And being an American male, I of course have a vetted interest in this subject, but it’s for research purposes! Research purposes! And where’s my drink? But anyway here’s the gist of what’s happening.

If you’ve ever wondered which country has the largest average penis size then look no further, as a recent poll of 86 nations has ranked them all from biggest to smallest.

Online pharmacy From Mars used google data from 86 countries to conduct their study – and you might be surprised to hear their findings.

Pharmacist Navin Khosla, who reviewed the study, said: “Whether people are concerned about the size or the shape, or any other aspect for that matter, most of us have wondered at some point or another whether ours is big enough.”

“Penis size can have a massive impact on confidence and self-image,” he added.

So, which country came out trumps?

According to the study, men in Ecuador are the most well-endowed, with an average penis size of 6.93 inches when erect. This makes the measurement more than 10 percent of the average height.

I don’t think that wine glass is big enough! And speaking of things not being big enough… thank you, audience! See what I did there? You might be asking yourself “Where does the United States rank among the world’s largest penises?”. And I answer you - we didn’t even make the top 50. Yeah I know this article comes from the New York Post but I couldn’t find a more reliable source. But come on, we rank 59th? No wonder white American Christian males are so insecure! Guess Tucker’s Testicle Tanning doesn’t cut it, does it?

American men’s penises are only the 59th biggest in the world, a study reveals.

The average length of 5.35 inches is shorter than their Haitian, French, and Aussie counterparts.

The poll, of 86 nations, revealed that French men’s genitals are 6.20 inches in length, while Australia ranks 43rd at 5.69.

Men in Haiti have an average penis size of 6.30 inches when erect, according to the data.

Ecuadorian men apparently have the biggest penises, at an average of 6.95 inches, while the smallest can be found in Cambodia at just 3.95 inches long when erect.

Men in the US narrowly beat those in the UK as the average size recorded was 5.17 inches.

Oh yeah that’s the good stuff! Oh and by the way, you might also be wondering – which country is most likely to lie about it’s penis size, average or not? The answer to that question is – Australia. That’s right, the Land Down Under has a huge problem with lying about its’ average size. Although in Australia they’re much more laid back than they are here. Maybe that’s because they might be bigger than the average? Or smaller? Or they just don’t care which is why they are lying about it. I don’t know, it could be all of the above.

According to the Daily Mail, researchers asked men to measure the length of their erect penis, while asking women how big their last sexual partner was while hard. The survey found that Australians are most prone to exaggeration — the men surveyed claimed an average of 7.09 inches, while the women reported an average of 5.58 inches, which is a pretty big discrepancy.

Like their Australian counterparts, American men also oversold their goods, reporting an average penis size of 7.3 inches. American women most decidedly do not agree with that assessment: They reported an average of 6.64 inches instead.

British men exaggerated a bit as well, with an average of 6.89 inches, while British women reported the same length as American women (6.6.4 inches). In contrast, Indian men underestimated the size of their penises, with Indian women claiming that the average penis size is 6.3 inches — .23 inches longer than the men reported.

Necessary caveat: Obviously, asking people to self-report data like this runs the risk of people either exaggerating, but also estimating and getting the information wrong. Plus all the respondents came from SaucyDates’ membership pool, so take the results with a heft dose of salt. That said, it is interesting how often men and women’s perceptions of penis size differed. The moral of the story: When it comes to penis size, honesty is probably the best policy.

Honesty is the best policy? Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh wait, you’re serious. Let me laugh even harder.… Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Honesty is the best policy…said literally no one ever when it comes to penis size. Trust me, I’m a guy, I have literally heard some of the dumbest shit ever said when it comes to the subject of penis size. And by the way in case you’re wondering which part of the body can also determine what the guy is like downstairs? Well look to the face! That’s right – it’s the only other part.

The scientists behind the Feb. 2021 study, which was published in the journal Basic and Clinical Andrology, were inspired by "the saying 'big nose, big hose,' [which] suggests that nose size indicates penile length." Since there was no scientific data to prove it, they set out to do the research themselves.

They looked at the lengths of the penises and noses of recently deceased adult men in Japan, ranging between the ages of 30 and 59. Penises were measured in a vertical, upright position to recreate an erection (a measurement called stretched penile length), and noses were measured from between the midpoint of the eyes down to the left or right side of the nose (whichever was longer). What they found was that "the average stretched penile length gradually increased in the longer nose size groups," leading the researchers to determine that the two measurements are "highly related."

"This study is the first to demonstrate the relationship between stretched penile length (SPL) and nose size but is limited in Japanese male cadavers, and the reason why SPL and nose size are related is still unclear. Therefore, we consider it an interesting subject to pursue from now on," the Japanese researchers wrote in their findings. "The fact that nose size is related to SPL indicates that penile length may not be determined by age, height or body weight, but has already been determined before birth."

Next week we’ll be bringing you our Best Of Season 13 and all the info you need to know for season 14 and some other cool stuff we’re planning! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Constellation Room At Observatory OC, Santa Ana, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Follow The Holy Church Of The Top 10 On Twitter: @churchoftop10
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: [email protected]

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

1 replies, 543 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 1 replies Author Time Post
Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #25 - The Best Of "I Need A Drink" Edition (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots Jan 12 OP
BlueWaveNeverEnd Jan 12 #1

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Thu Jan 12, 2023, 09:29 PM

1. I admire the work that went into putting together all these links.

paragraphs would help with the readability.

All conservatives are idiots, BTW.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread