Wed Jan 4, 2023, 11:48 PM
birdographer (965 posts)
Advice on potential new friend?
I live in Trumpistan. The vast majority of people in this town are GOP trumpers, blaming Biden for everything. I lost several friends back in 2017-2018 because I could not be around people whose values and morals differed so much from mine. I've missed having friends. I have connected with someone local (not a person from here, been here about a year) regarding something I was selling, and via online chat we got along well. We are meeting to browse an antique shop next week. I know she is religious, which I am not, but I have no problem with that as long as it is not pushed on me. I have no idea how to handle it if she spouts some anti-Biden trumper crap. I will not be friends with one of them, period. But what do I do if she does that? Claim to have a headache and leave? Sound like an intolerant human and say "Ok, this will not work out" and leave? Or let it go, leave as soon as possible and what? Ghost her? I have lived for years with no local friends and while I would love to have one again, I will not just overlook a GOP perspective, it's repugnant to me. Any thoughts on what to do if she "comes out" as a MAGAt when we get together for a fun and simple shopping trip?
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17 replies, 1071 views
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 17 replies |
Author |
Time |
Post |
 Advice on potential new friend? (Original post) |
birdographer |
Jan 2023 |
OP |
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NoRethugFriends |
Jan 2023 |
#1 |
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Frasier Balzov |
Jan 2023 |
#2 |
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ecstatic |
Jan 2023 |
#14 |
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elleng |
Jan 2023 |
#3 |
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Wishful-Thinking |
Jan 2023 |
#4 |
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vlyons |
Jan 2023 |
#5 |
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Bev54 |
Jan 2023 |
#6 |
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birdographer |
Jan 2023 |
#13 |
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Bev54 |
Jan 2023 |
#16 |
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Skittles |
Jan 2023 |
#7 |
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Hope22 |
Jan 2023 |
#8 |
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birdographer |
Jan 2023 |
#12 |
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Hope22 |
Jan 2023 |
#15 |
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brooklynite |
Jan 2023 |
#9 |
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50 Shades Of Blue |
Jan 2023 |
#10 |
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Meowmee |
Jan 2023 |
#11 |
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Kennah |
Jan 2023 |
#17 |
Response to birdographer (Original post)
Wed Jan 4, 2023, 11:59 PM
Wishful-Thinking (98 posts)
4. If you feel that strongly about it (as I do as well)....
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Then I think you should be straight up front about it…before the trip. Cause it sounds like no matter how much fun or similarities there are, if she is a MAGAt you don’t want any part of her. So letting her know how you feel will relieve some of the angst for both of you.
Also, suggest you consider calling the local democrats party and volunteer and/or find a conservation club —— volunteering makes you feel better and leads to activities with like minded people.
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Response to birdographer (Original post)
Thu Jan 5, 2023, 12:00 AM
vlyons (9,623 posts)
5. We cannot change other people. We can only change ourselves.
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Were I in your shoes, I would not lie. I would simply say I am not religious, but it's ok with me if you are. In the case of politics, I would simply say that I have different political views, and do not want to spoil our time together today arguing about politics. Then I would try to change the conversation to something neutral, like what hobbies, music, books, etc does she enjoy? If she can't respect you enough to not bug you about religion and politics, then I would simply not accept another luncheon date with her. You don't have to lie or apologize. I would just tell the truth about what's so for me without rancor or hostile words.
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Response to Bev54 (Reply #6)
Thu Jan 5, 2023, 11:41 AM
birdographer (965 posts)
13. Yeah...
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My problem (and it does seem to be a problem) is that I stopped thinking of MAGAts as being "politically" different back in about 2017. It's not about politics, which I still consider to be matters like foreign policy and budgets and even who is Speaker of the House. It's about values and morality and how a person relates to other people (love vs hate). To me, being republican or Democrat now defines a person's humanity, it's not just opinion. I know that I am incapable of associating with republicans now, just as I would not associate with someone I know is racist. On the other hand, I am not likely at all to associate with someone who doesn't like dogs, either. I guess I'm real judgy and have kind of rigid standards... The religion thing I don't mind. I lower my expectations of intelligence, but if they want to believe a fairy tale, if it gives them solace or comfort, and they don't expect me to go along, I have always been fine with that.
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Response to birdographer (Reply #13)
Thu Jan 5, 2023, 01:12 PM
Bev54 (8,445 posts)
16. I find myself the same way but I would not say I am judgy so much as back years ago
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we did not speak about politics or religion and friends became friends because of shared interests and values. That has not changed other than my tolerance level for hanging on to a friendship when it becomes toxic. People feel bolder to show who they really are and I am quicker to walk away, as I get older I feel like I do not want to waste my time and choose to do, and be with, people I enjoy.
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Response to birdographer (Original post)
Thu Jan 5, 2023, 12:16 AM
50 Shades Of Blue (8,490 posts)
10. I have some people like that in my life.
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Mostly family members, one's a neighbor.
I absolutely refuse to discuss politics with them. Every time they try to bring it up, I say I will not discuss it, and I don't.
In your case, if worse comes to worst, I would say, "I don't discuss politics," and repeat as necessary. Then if she is amenable to that, you could decide afterward whether a friendship was viable.
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Response to birdographer (Original post)
Thu Jan 5, 2023, 12:18 AM
Meowmee (5,163 posts)
11. Maybe try to find out in advance what her views are
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Since you don’t want to be friends with her if she is a maga. Try to join some dem groups near you if there are any and that way maybe you can make friends who share the same beliefs.
This summer we visited some friends of my father. I remember one of them who he had been friends with for many years and who he had helped over the course of his career saying something about how it was a hard decision who to vote for in the upcoming local election, the d or r. Because the r was good. Wtf?
My brother said it’s not hard you just don’t vote for them ever. And then later it occurred to me that maybe he had voted for the R. My brother told me that he did a lot of golfing and probably had Republican golfing friends etc. I don’t remember ever discussing politics with these people very much in the past but I know they all hated dump etc. So weird. My father told me that this friend’s partner refused to have dump on the tv at all after he was installed in office, she completely hated him.
It is things like this that in part lead to where we are.
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