Top 10 Conservative Idiots #13-3: Holy Shit: The 5th Anniversary Special Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #13-3: Holy Shit: The 5th Anniversary Special Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! As you can see, we’re taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming and abandoning our normal format. Because - you guys are here on a very special occasion because we’re celebrating 5 years of our favorite religious themed segment: Holy Shit! That’s right – on August 9th, 2017, Holy Shit debuted in Idiots #3-9 as a feature and people absolutely loved it. And when we started Holy Shit, we had no idea that it would become a permanent weekly feature and one of our signature segments. Well, here’s the thing – ever since the Top 10 began, we wanted to have a space where we make fun of all the ridiculous, batshit crazy things that the Christian right says and does on a daily basis. Now as you have seen through the years, we haven’t just limited Holy Shit to Christianity. We’ve expanded it to other religions. But Holy Shit originally began life as “Fundies Say The Darndest Things”. But then that whole incident with Bill Cosby happened and we decided that we didn’t want to be associated with Bill Cosby. So we went back to the drawing board and Holy Shit was born. Come on, that’s a double pun! Then a season later, the new look Holy Shit that you all know and love came into being. That being said, this week, we’re dedicating the entire edition to celebrating the best of Holy Shit! So instead of bringing you a highlight reel like we did for the Top 10 5th Anniversary Special (see: Top 10 #11-15 ), we instead let our pastor comb through the Top 10 archives to bring you his favorite Holy Shit segments through the years and introduce them himself! Plus we have a brand new Holy Shit segment that even we don’t know what it is, and we will close out by answering your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven! But you know what? Enough of my rambling! Let’s turn things over to the man of the hour – you know who I’m talking about! Get out here, you!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Thank you very much for coming out and supporting our fine church on the 5th anniversary of its’ creation! So we have a very special evening for you. And it is my proud duty to announce exactly what it is that we’re up to for this special occasion. In the number one slot, we have an interview with ME (1)! That’s right you will be up close and personal with the Holy Church Of The Top 10 and everything that makes it tick plus what my predictions are should the Christian conservatives win big in the 2022 and 2024 elections! In the second slot this week, we have a brand new Holy Shit (2) and we’re piggy backing on last week’s edition where Marjorie Greene said that America should be a Christian nationalist nation. Well… that is an extremely scary proposition there. In the third slot this week we’re taking you back to where it all began with the very first Holy Shit segment that debuted in Idiots #3-9 (3). Then in the fourth slot, from Idiots #4-9 is the debut of the Holy Church Of The Top 10 as we know it today! In the fifth slot, from Idiots #7-1, I went on a vacation and decided that I was going to live like a televangelist, and boy it was fun, but also extremely soul crushing! In the sixth slot, from Idiots #4-17, we try the bizarre line of end times products that are being hawked on Jim Bakker’s show, and they are every bit as horrible as they sound! In the seventh slot, from Idiots #6-15, Liberty University made a movie about a guy who claims to be a prophet because he predicted the Unholy Dark One’s victory, and he’s as crazy as he seems. Speaking of crazy, in the 8th slot, from Idiots #7-19, the Dark One’s spiritual advisor Paula White has gone completely off the deep end! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot from Idiots #11-15, we delve into the bizarre, cult like world surrounding Kanye West’s Sunday Sermons, and they are every bit as crazy as you might expect. Finally to close out this celebration, we are answering your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven! Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Interview With Our Pastor
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Wow. 5 years. That’s a pretty impressive lifespan for a show within a show.

Yes it is, and we pride ourselves on quality. We can’t have our program without the contributions from the Christian right. They frequently make themselves a target.

You always target the Christian right. Why is that?

Well because this is America. And of course Christianity is the dominant religion in this country. Well ever since the advent of the administration that is run by the unholy, ungodly Dark One, we have seen the Christian right become emboldened and drunk with power. And it is seriously dangerous and scary the direction that they are taking this country in.

They’re going full fascist.

Yup, and it’s going to get really ugly if they’re not stopped in 2022 and 2024. It’s truly frightening to see people like Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Greene declare that the USA is a Christian nation.

Would you dedicate Holy Shit to other religions?

Absolutely. Yes, Christianity is the main focus of this segment. But we’ve done editions dedicated to Judaism. And we’ll take on Hinduism or Islam if the opportunity presents itself.

Like India is a country that has a lot of issues with religious insanity.

Yes! Looking at the Hindi elders that populate regions like Punjab and Kanpur, it’s almost kind of like a preview of where the US could be headed. Do you want this country decided by people like that? I know that I do not!

Who is the Unholy Dark One and why is his name never mentioned in your church?

Well, the Unholy Dark One is the man who is our 45th president, and it’s pretty easy to say that we never liked that guy. But the reason why we have that rule in place is because he’s so foul, depraved and disgusting that he literally violates all 10 commandements. But the inexplicable thing is that no matter how big of an asshole he is, the people on the right love him, and will always stoop to his level.

That’s what happens when you’re run by a cult.

Yes! It is so much like a cult! It’s truly insane that they say they are “lions, not sheep” yet their behavior is so sheep like it’s not even funny.

How could you see the next 5 years play out?

Well the Christian right is a never-ending source of stupidity. And they only seem to get worse with each election cycle. It’s like their representatives get stupider and stupider. The fact that someone like Marjorie Greene could be a representative really shows how far gone our country is.

So what’s there to stop them?

There is democracy. Unfortunately democracy is only as good as the electorate.

Who’s your favorite target for Holy Shit?

Honestly? Liberty University. Because as I have frequently mentioned they are just a breeding ground for crazy people. One of the segments we’re featuring following this is one of my favorites where we delve into this guy who calls himself a “firefighter prophet”.

Why do people refer to themselves as “prophets”?

I honestly don’t know the answer to that one. But they are extremely ballsy to refer to themselves as “prophets”. And they all vouch for the Dark One. I don’t know how else to describe it – it’s a cult. And just like a cult there’s many layers of leadership. And they are all insane. It must suck to be completely devoid of any common sense or decency like that.

And you’ve seen it first hand.

Oh of course I have! And it will probably get worse before it gets better!

Why does every televangelist need a private jet and a mansion the size of a small city?

Well, Capitalism is hard! And of course in this society, everyone has to one-up each other in regards to the things they own. Televangelists do not abide by the Bible’s rule of “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.”. It’s not enough to have a small private jet. You need your own 737, because frequent flyer miles are for godless heathens!

There’s a front with the religious right that is becoming increasingly more violent. What are your thoughts?

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject. But we can’t ignore what the people on the right are saying, it’s getting increasingly more disturbing by the day. It’s truly crazy that we’re one or two election cycles from just teetering over the edge into chaos and insanity.

Kanye West seems to be a frequent target of yours. Is there any reason for that?

I don’t intentionally mean to just pick on Kanye but he is one person who really brings it on himself – especially since he went full televangelist and started those insane Sunday Sermons. Come on, Kanye, that’s my lane! But really he’s a guy who enjoys a good beef, and there’s no beef like him and the unbelievers.

That’s how you feel about Hillsong too.

Well, megachurches like Hillsong and Elevation are an entirely different breed. Just like Liberty University, they are a breeding ground for crazy people. It’s a cult like Scientology only it operates under the guise of Christianity so they can enjoy tax exempt status.

You don’t get tax exempt status.

Ha, I wish!

How did you handle your church being closed during the pandemic?

It was tough. Holding services on Zoom is not as much fun as they are in person.

But the pandemic did provide for a lot of material for the show.

Oh you’d better believe that it did! Those who worship the Dark One were not going to spend the years 2020 – 2021 sitting in lockdown. They definitely provided some good material – whether it was Sean Feucht skirting around public gathering restrictions (see: Top 10 #9-17 ) or whether they went full on death cult (see: Idiots #9-3 ) or whether or not they were going full anti-lockdown (see: Idiots #8-18 ). It may have been a terrible time for America, but the Christian right provided me with some great material.

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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! You know tonight is a celebration! We are celebrating our church existing now for five years! And we couldn’t do it without you! As you know I have been recently disturbed by the direction that our brothers and sisters on the right have been up to. They are getting increasingly angry, they are getting more extreme, and they are upping the hysteria way past 11. And the scary thing is how much the religious right is in tune with the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name *DARE NOT* be spoken in my church! But what’s even more alarming is that they seem to be diving straight into the deep end of going full totalitarian religious and tearing down the barriers that separate the church from the state. In fact this new group of candidates seem to have the two things confused! And the more you go down this rabbit hole, the more dark, dangerous and disturbing it gets. Like if these are your friends, who needs enemies?

Doug Mastriano, a Christian nationalism-promoting election conspiracy theorist who won the Republican Party’s gubernatorial primary in May, has come under fire for his ties to Andrew Torba, the antisemitic Christian nationalist founder of the far-right social media platform Gab.

While Mastriano has remained silent about his connection to Torba, Torba has been very vocal in his defense of Mastriano and his own radical Christian nationalist views, releasing several videos in which he explicitly stated that non-Christians should not be playing leading roles within the conservative movement.

On Monday, Torba released another such video in which he declared that “degenerate pagans” have ruined this nation and therefore “biblical Christian men” must “take dominion” over everything for the good of society.

“You degenerate pagans and atheists and non-believers went way too far with the COVID nonsense, with shutting down our churches and forcing our kids to be masked, and forcing us to get vaccinated with some mystery goop in order to keep our jobs and provide for our families,” Torba said. “You pushed us too far, and now we’re going to take dominion of this country, of our culture, of news, of entertainment, of technology, of education, of everything for the glory of Jesus Christ, our king. It’s just that simple.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/andrew-torba-says-biblical-christian-men-must-take-dominion-over-every-aspect-of-society/

Well now who do you think the right wing is blaming for the “godlessness” coming from the left, and this is alleged? Well naturally you blame the previous presidential administration. Because what we’re seeing now is a group of people who will absolutely under no circumstances take no personal responsibility for anything. So of course anyone who doesn’t agree with the far right cult is a Luciferian or they worship Satan. And their excuses just escalate from there. They worship the unholy, ungodly Dark One! He is the opposite of the good LAWRD JAYSUS!!!

Jarrin Jackson, a radical antisemitic, anti-LGBTQ right-wing activist and conspiracy theorist who is running for a seat in the Oklahoma Senate, has a long history of making outrageous comments, as The Oklahoman documented Friday. As if to prove that point, Jackson used his livestream Friday morning to suggest that former first lady Michelle Obama is a man and to accuse her of promoting “evil godlessness” with her forthcoming book.

Obama is set to release “The Light We Carry” later this year and recently filmed a promotional video to promote it in which she explained that the book contains tips for those who may be feeling “out of balance” on how to remain “centered” during these difficult times.

For Jackson, Obama’s use of such terms means that she is promoting “Luciferianism.”

“She ain’t a Christian,” Jackson said. “In fact, you know there’s a song I want to play.”

Jackson then played a short clip of Aerosmith’s “Dude Looks Like A Lady” before mockingly pretending that he mistakenly played that song.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/gop-candidate-jarrin-jackson-accuses-michelle-obama-of-promoting-evil-godlessness-and-luciferianism/

Same energy! But really that is an extremely tasteless and classless joke, but not really that surprising coming from the crowd who worships the Dark One. They have no decency! They have no class! They have no respect for themselves or for others! Well, scratch that. They do have respect for themselves, but they really don’t respect anyone beyond that. In case you’re wondering, the GOP has finally revealed their true colors, and their true colors are white! The rainbow is not in the mix. And the proverbial “melting pot” that is the United States Of America isn’t in the mix either!

Dalton Clodfelter is a radical right-wing bigot, Christian nationalist, and fascist who openly dreams of imposing fundamentalist Christianity on the United States and censoring any opposition. A close ally of fellow white nationalist Nick Fuentes, Clodfelter got his start streaming on Fuentes’ Cozy.TV platform, which was founded so that “anti-gay, anti-women, anti-Black, antisemitic” activists had a platform where they could spew their bigotry without running afoul of the hate speech policies on mainstream media.

Clodfelter fit right in on that platform, so it was no surprise when radical right-wing conspiracy theorist Stew Peters gave Clodfelter a nightly program on Peters’ own network. Peters has close ties to various far-right political candidates and has used his program to interview several elected officials, GOP candidates, and former members of the Trump administration. Peters’ network has been a haven for the likes of Lauren Witzke and Edward Szall, two Christian nationalist bigots with whom Clodfelter has worked closely, and Clodfelter’s brand of unapologetic white nationalism has been a key feature of his “The Right Dissident” program, which began airing earlier this month.

On the July 6 episode of his show, Clodfelter kicked things off by ranting about the racist Great Replacement conspiracy theory and interracial marriage while declaring that this country should always be run by “a white majority.”

“We are fast approaching an anti-white society that puts white, straight men in positions where they will be looked at as less than in the workforce,” Clodfelter warned. “It’s hard to believe considering white people built this nation. Now the nation is seemingly turning its back on white people, going out of its way to teach in schools that if you are white, you are evil. And when you graduate and you are white, you will have a harder time finding a job.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/christian-fascist-dalton-clodfelter-is-using-his-new-show-to-promote-white-nationalism/

Like really who listens to this shit? Seriously why would someone listen to someone who is this far off the deep end? Yes, religion. I can see that. Thank you sir. But this is what happens when religion is taken to extremes! You wind up with shit like this. And really, keep the extremism confined to at least one country. We can’t have it spreading around the globe. Treat extremism like it’s a virus – and just like a virus your odds of dying from it greatly increase the more it spreads. It’s already firmly in the US but now it’s spreading to Canada. Yes, that’s right – Canada. Nothing is safe anymore and it’s only going to get worse!

Artur Pawlowski, a Canadian pastor celebrated by American conservatives as a symbol of religious freedom for bucking that country’s public safety orders, joined far-right podcaster Ethan Ralph’s show last Wednesday, where he announced that he will run for political office in Alberta.

“I have not made this public announcement, but I am going to run for political office as well here in the province of Alberta,” Pawlowski declared.

Ralph, host of the “Killstream” podcast, has granted a platform to extremists like white supremacist Lana Lokteff, failed neo-Nazi congressional candidate Patrick Little, and cult leader Gazi Kodzo, who recently was arrested after a dead body was found in his home. Ralph has also become friends with white nationalist Nick Fuentes and streams his podcast on Fuentes’ “anti-gay, anti-woman, anti-Black, antisemitic” platform, Cozy. The far-right podcaster has had his own run-ins with the law; he was convicted of assaulting a police officer in 2018 and of posting “revenge porn” of his then-18-year-old girlfriend earlier this year. According to court documents, Ralph has also violated the domestic violence restraining order she holds against him.

Nevertheless, Pawlowski has appeared on Ralph’s show “a ton,” according to Ralph.

Pawlowski was on “Killstream” most recently to discuss his recent successful legal appeal against contempt of court sanctions. Pawlowski had held church services during the height of the pandemic, flouting Alberta’s COVID-19-related public health mandates. Last Friday, the Alberta Court of Appeals ordered Pawlowski and his brother to be reimbursed more than $15,000 in fines, but Pawlowski remains under house arrest. In February, prosecutors alleged he incited violence at a trucker convoy protest.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/canadian-pastor-artur-pawlowski-uses-far-right-podcast-to-announce-run-for-office/

There you have it ladies and gentlemen! Our brothers and sisters are getting more extreme and it’s truly insane what is happening. You know what ladies and gentlemen? Thank you very much for celebrating 5 years with us! Let’s hear it for another 5! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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From: Idiots #3-9

Here it is, folks! The very first Holy Shit segment preserved for your enjoyment!

There’s a lot of religious fundamentalists in the news lately. And they're all certifiably insane. So it’s time to introduce our new segment:



I have to say I love the poop emoji with the halo over it. That will introduce my next segment. Would you be surprised at all to learn that the religious people who Trump has *PRAYING* with him in the White House are just as batshit fucking insane as he is? And the people who the president has invited are well, as crazy as he is!

News from the Christian Broadcasting Network that members of President Trump’s Cabinet are attending Bible study sessions together didn’t come as such a shock in Washington.

The shock was who is teaching them.

That teacher, Pastor Ralph Drollinger, is well known to some members in the California congressional delegation — and not just because he is a 7-foot-1 former UCLA basketball star. He is the evangelical spiritual leader who once counseled a group of Sacramento lawmakers that female politicians with young children have no business serving in the Legislature. In fact, he called them sinners.

Drollinger also declared that Roman Catholicism “is one of the primary false religions in the world” — precipitating his Bible study group’s move out of a suite of offices controlled by then-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Catholic.
http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-la-pol-trump-cabinet-pastor-20170803-story.html

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Holy shit!!!! Is the whole goal of the Trump administration to invite the most horrible, disgusting people on the planet who shouldn’t be anywhere near government, to be near government? Is this the political form of the Dada art form from the 1920s? In fact these people are so fucking crazy that they’re now literally asking their congregations to pray for Trump! Can we revoke their tax exempt status already?

The group of so-called Christian evangelists who support Trump are conmen pandering to a base that will blindly support them and line their pockets with money. One such ‘Christian’ named David Lane is teaming up with Newt Gingrich to urge pastors in Lane’s American Renewal Network to include Trump’s name in prayer.

Lane also wants them to pray for a hefty tax cut this fall. He and Gingrich believe the tax cut is the key to keeping Republicans’ seats in 2018 and beyond.

Gingrich and Lane don’t believe in the separation of church and state. Lane is known for linking Republican candidates up with conservative pastors to boost candidates’ popularity.

Gingrich believes Trump has already made a “huge difference” and is “starting to turn America in the right direction.” He then glorified Trump as a “remarkably powerful but complex person.” Gingrich also highlighted the appointment of Neil Gorsuch as a major Trump accomplishment.

At: http://realtimepolitics.com/2017/08/05/trumpvangelist-demands-trumph/

I mean really holy shit – and how the fuck is Newt Gingrich still a thing? Seriously, Newt, you’re done, time to get the fuck out of Washington. Really, GTFO!!

WASHINGTON -- Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said of President Trump Thursday, "We have in the White House today a president who is clearly committed to stopping the Left."

Gingrich was speaking during an online call with the American Renewal Project, a conservative organization encouraging pastors to get more involved in the political realm and bring their congregations along with them.

He had a dire warning about what would happen to the country if the tide turns in Washington and liberals take charge again.

"Remember: There are a lot of people on the other side, including in the elite news media, who deeply, deeply want President Trump to fail," he warned, "who deeply want our values to be wiped out by making them, frankly, illegal, and who are deeply committed to changing America in ways that would turn it into a country you and I would have no real knowledge of and no understanding of."
http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/politics/2017/august/the-nations-on-the-line-newt-gingrich-has-a-spiritual-warning-for-pastors

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Boy these people are paranoid, aren’t they? Of course we want Trump to fail! I mean he was elected under shady circumstances and controlled by a hostile foreign entity! Jesus, could these people be any more fucking insane? By the way I think next week we’re going to do a deep dive on Ralph Drollinger for “This Fucking Guy”.

The founder of a group dedicated to making "disciples of Jesus Christ in the political arena" has been leading a Bible study with top members of the Trump administration.

Ralph Drollinger of Capitol Ministries has been working with cabinet members including Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, and Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price on a weekly basis, according to a report by the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN). Vice President Mike Pence sponsors the meetings.

Capitol Ministries claims to "stay away from politics" on its website, but its stated mission is to "reach public servants for Christ at every stop along their career paths...as they ascend to higher office" in the hopes that "the impact of the Gospel will be increased in every strata of government." CBN reports that Drollinger "founded Capitol Ministries with the idea that if you change the hearts of lawmakers, then their Christian worldview will guide them to make good policies."

Drollinger says the cabinet's Bible study is "likely the first of its kind in almost 100 years."

In an interview with CBN, he praised the cabinet members on their participation in the group, singling out Sessions. "He'll go out the same day I teach him something and I'll see him do it on camera and I just think, 'Wow, these guys are faithful, available, and teachable and they're at Bible study every week they're in town.'"
https://www.commondreams.org/news/2017/07/31/team-trumps-bible-study-weekly-worship-meeting-white-house

But there’s one other thing that this week’s craziest of the crazy religious zealots have been up to in their constitution-violating ways. Now the right has gone after Trump’s national security advisor and British fish and chips spokesman H.R. McMaster, and well, Rick Wiles has offered a rather bizarre suggestion:

Last week, End Times radio host Rick Wiles launched a prayer effort calling on God to remove H. R. McMaster from his position as President Trump’s national security adviser. On his program on Friday, Wiles suggested that Trump could get rid of McMaster by sending him off to Afghanistan and did so by citing a rather shocking biblical parallel.

Wiles suggested that reports that Trump has been frustrated by the lack of progress in the war effort was really a plan by Trump to create a “cover story to send Gen. McMaster to Afghanistan” and remove him from the White House.

“Send him to a battlefield,” Wiles suggested, noting that “King David sent Bathsheba’s husband to war also.”

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/rick-wiles-uses-shocking-biblical-story-to-advise-trump-on-how-to-get-rid-of-mcmaster/

By the way – speaking of Holy Shit, we cant do this segment without talking about Pat Robertson, who dropped some gems this week. For instance:

Televangelist Pat Robertson warned that the backlash to Indiana’s anti-LGBT law signaled a renewed assault on Americans’ sexual practices and “deeply held Christian beliefs.”

Robertson used last night's broadcast of the “700 Club” to bring up a pizza shop owner in Indiana who made national news when she told a TV reporter that she would not cater food at a same-sex wedding, Right Wing Watch reported.

“I’m not sure I would serve pizza for a gay wedding,” Robertson said. “Most gays, if they’re having a wedding, don’t want pizzas – they want cake. It’s the cake makers that are having the problem.”

The “700 Club” host warned that if gay couples were permitted to serve Christian-baked cakes during their wedding reception, there’s no telling where they would stop. Pat Robertson claims gay people will force Christians to embrace anal sex, endorse sex with dogs.

At: http://www.nova-magazine.net/pat-robertson-homosexuality-destroy-america-christians-endorse-bestiality/

Really… I just… I’m done trying to decipher their bullshit. .



And then there’s this from Pat – which might be one of the craziest things he’s ever said – and he’s said a lot of crazy shit!

“If you wanted to destroy the Fox News, you really wanted to destroy them, what would you do? Well you would send some salacious material, ostensibly from one of their popular co-hosts or hosts and you’d send it out and then get it publicized and then you have some woman complain that she had gotten this salacious material from this co-host and then she would come to Fox, and Fox is so averse to any kind of legal action that they would immediately take the person off the air, so before long you would have decimated the prime time line up of all the Fox hosts. Easy to do? Absolutely. Is it being done? Probably.” – Pat Robertson, speaking on yesterday’s show.

More plus video (truly disgusting):
http://www.joemygod.com/2017/08/08/robertson-liberals-faked-eric-bollings-dick-pics/

And while on the subject of nuclear armageddon, here's an absolutely insane rationale from a Texas megachurch preacher on why it's OK for Trump to go to war in North Korea:

Texas megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress, one of President Trump’s evangelical advisers who preached the morning of his inauguration, has released a statement saying the president has the moral authority to take out North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.

“When it comes to how we should deal with evil doers, the Bible, in the book of Romans, is very clear: God has endowed rulers full power to use whatever means necessary — including war — to stop evil,” Jeffress said. “In the case of North Korea, God has given Trump authority to take out Kim Jong Un.”

Jeffress said in a phone interview that he was prompted to make the statement after Trump said that if North Korea’s threats to the United States continue, Pyongyang will be “met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2017/08/08/god-has-given-trump-authority-to-take-out-kim-jong-un-evangelical-adviser-says/?utm_term=.6a12780158fa

If this is "god's will", I would hate to see what Satan's will is! Fighting evil with evil? What could possibly go...



That’s it for this week in:




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From: Idiots #4-9

For this segment, we decided that we wanted to make Holy Shit into something that is more in tune with something that the religious right understands – a giant, flamboyant megachurch service with worship music and a full theatrical performance. Thus, the Holy Church Of The Top 10 was born!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! Time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it is our weekly duty to remind you that the holiest among us are also the most full of:



Now in a time of tragedy and national crisis, I ask you, my fair congregation, what can one do to turn to their loved ones for comfort? Some turn to thine food, others turn to their own vices, none of which the lord JAYSUS would approve of! But would one turn to thy vice for… something other than comfort? Thank you sir!

NEWFOUNDLAND, Pa. — Crown-wearing worshippers clutching AR-15 rifles drank holy wine and exchanged or renewed wedding vows in a commitment ceremony at a Pennsylvania church on Wednesday, prompting a nearby school to cancel classes.

With state police and a smattering of protesters standing watch outside the church, brides clad in white and grooms in dark suits brought dozens of unloaded AR-15s into World Peace and Unification Sanctuary for a religious event that doubled as an advertisement for the Second Amendment.

The church, which has a worldwide following, believes the AR-15 symbolizes the “rod of iron” in the book of Revelation, and encouraged couples to bring the weapons. An AR-15 was used in the Florida high school massacre on Feb. 14.

The Rev. Sean Moon, who leads the church, prayed for “a kingdom of peace police and peace militia where the citizens, through the right given to them by almighty God to keep and bear arms, will be able to protect one another and protect human flourishing.”
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/02/28/pennsylvania-church-ceremony-guns/383815002/

And I thought they were against marrying inanimate objects! But there is more method to the gun nutter’s madness. This ceremony was so scary that it was frightening nearby school children. You know – kind of like a moment in a comedy movie.

NEWFOUNDLAND, Pa. — An Eastern Pennsylvania school district says it’s canceling classes at an elementary school because a church down the street is hosting a ceremony featuring AR-15 rifles.

World Peace and Unification Sanctuary in Newfoundland, a suburb of Scranton, is encouraging couples to bring their AR-15 rifles to a “commitment ceremony” on Wednesday. The church believes the AR-15 symbolizes the “rod of iron” in the biblical book of Revelation.

The superintendent of the Wallenpaupack Area School District says “there is no direct threat.” But he wrote in a letter to parents that given concerns about parking, traffic and the “nature of the event,” students will be bused to schools about 15 miles away.

The church is a breakaway faction of the Unification Church, which has distanced itself from the event and says its ceremonies and theology do not involve weapons.
http://www.post-gazette.com/news/state/2018/02/26/School-scranton-newfoundland-pennsylvania-close-church-ceremony-featuring-AR-15-rifles-World-Peace-and-Unification-Sanctuary/stories/201802260112

Yes – holy shit indeed good sir! For marrying inanimate objects is a SIN!!!! It is one of the most egregious of sins and it says so in the Good Book for I have read it cover to cover! Getting back to other religious wackiness, apparently those who support Trump “taketh thy Bible seriously”! Really?

Conservative radio host Dennis Prager told the National Religious Broadcasters Convention yesterday that President Trump has the support of “religious Jews” and “orthodox” Christians because those people “take the Bible seriously” and know that the important question to ask about a politician is not whether he is a “good” person but whether he is “good for America.”

Prager, who during the 2016 campaign compared the choice of Trump over Hillary Clinton to choosing to ally with Stalin rather than Hitler, told the audience about a recent column in which he had written that criticisms from evangelicals about evangelical support for Trump “are not biblical, moral or wise.”

“There is a reason that most religious Jews, that is, Orthodox Jews, and most orthodox–small-o–Christians support the president,” Prager told the convention. “It is not because they are fans of his tweets or his past behavior or the sexual conduct that he is charged with. It is because they take the Bible seriously. That’s the irony. The more religious the Christian, the more wisdom he gets and the more orthodox the Jew, the more wisdom he gets from the Bible.”

Prager told the story of how God raised up King David, who “makes Donald Trump look like Mother Teresa.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/dennis-prager-conservative-evangelicals-support-trump-because-they-take-the-bible-seriously/

No you don’t. I know this, Brother Denis, because LYING IS A SIN!!!! AND ONE OF THE MOST EGREGIOUS OF SINS!!! And only your repentance can be saved by the LAWRD and reading the Good Book, it even says so. Unlike many of you hypocrites, I can name the passage where it even says so that lying is a sin, and I suggest you read it too! But woe beith the most persecuted of Christians for they believe some crazy shit!

Mike Cernovich, a self-described “New Right” pundit who gained notoriety for peddling a variety of conspiracy theories such as “Pizzagate,” warned Christians that the effort by social media websites to crack down on conspiracy theories and extremist rhetoric was not actually aimed at people like himself, but rather at people who declare their Christian faith.

In a live stream video aired this afternoon, Cernovich brought up reports that Facebook had threatened to suspend a Christian satire site after fact-checking nonprofit Snopes flagged its article claiming that CNN purchased an industrial washing machine to “spin” the news. Facebook apologized for the error, but Cernovich used the event to tell listeners that social media companies want to “destroy” Christian ways of life.

“Don’t defend me. I don’t need you to defend me. Here’s what I need you to say: ‘Facebook and Snopes, they hate Christians. If you let them get rid of Cernovich, we are next.’ And that’s the truth. It’s proven now,” Cernovich said. “So rather than let people drag you into the weeds about Cernovich and this and that, just say, ‘They are only going after Cernovich because the real target is Christians like us.’”
www.rightwingwatch.org/post/mike-cernovich-says-social-media-censorship-is-a-warm-up-for-christian-persecution/

Yes, I can’t believe someone could be that stupid! Oh wait, yes I can. These are the same people who gave us Pizzagate and Seth Rich – both inherent LIES!!!! And we all know what the Good Book sayeth about lying! But apparently those who opposeth Trump will not see the light of Heaven, and we all know that is a flat out lie!!

Paul McGuire and Troy Anderson, authors of the book, “Trumpocalypse: The End-Times President, a Battle Against the Globalist Elite, and the Countdown to Armageddon,” appeared on the podcast hosted by radical right-wing commentator and crackpot conspiracy theorist Sheila Zilinsky yesterday, where McGuire warned that Christians who don’t support President Trump will not get into heaven due to their cowardice.

“We strongly believe that God has a plan for America in the Last Days,” McGuire said. “We believe that Trump won miraculously. He took on the invisible government that controls America and they didn’t expect it and he won. And ever since he won, and even before he won, he has been attacked 24/7 like no other president in American history, basically he has been attacked like no other world leader in human history.”

McGuire said that it is “obvious to people that are in the highest levels of witchcraft or Luciferianism and the deep state [and] it’s obvious to the occult globalist elite” that Trump represents a dire “threat to their plan for a global government and a global economy and a new world order,” which is why “all hell is targeted against him.”

“I’m kind of perplexed how Christians can’t get it,” he added. “If everyone who, in many cases, openly hate the Gospel, openly hate Christ, if they’re all in alliance to tear down a man … [who is] a spiritual threat to the Kingdom of Darkness, what’s the problem with God’s people in not recognizing that God is using Donald Trump?”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/paul-mcguire-warns-christians-who-oppose-trump-will-not-get-into-heaven/

If your GAWD is using Trump now to do “his work”, I would certainly hate to see what the devil’s work would look like! Thank you! That is it for this week, I hope this sermon has been enlightening for you, this has been:




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From: Idiots #7-1

For this segment, we went on an extended vacation and decided to know what it was like living the hard-spending televangelist lifestyle as depicted by Joel Osteen and on shows like HBO’s “The Righteous Gemstones”. It’s fun but also criminally degrading at the same time!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of El Paso! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation!!! I have returned from vacation! Yes, I am tanned, I am rested, and I am ready to plow through another 28 weeks of this thing! And what did I do on my summer vacation? Where did I go to relax, you might ask? Well, I decided to live like I am a televangelist. I mean, I got to be honest, as much as I love and support UUC style preaching, there’s no money in it! There’s plenty of money however, in being a televangelist grifter. And it’s not one thing to have a private jet, these guys have all the private jet money in the world! Just how much money does a guy like Kenneth Copeland have? Well a hell of a lot!

Kenneth Copeland, a Texas-based televangelist, was confronted by a reporter who grilled him over his fleet of private planes. The exchange, which aired last month on Inside Edition, recently went viral over the weekend and showed Copeland justifying his luxurious spending.

Inside Edition correspondent Lisa Guerrero asked Copeland about why he won't fly commercial as he was getting in a vehicle in Branson, Missouri. He defended it, making it seem to be a vital means to his televangelism. He said, "If I flew commercial, I'd have to stop 65% of what I'm doing."

Guerrero questioned him about a private jet he purchased from filmmaker Tyler Perry, the Gulfstream V. He replied, "Well, that's none of your business."

Copeland, owner of Kenneth Copeland Ministries and a small airport in Texas, then said Perry "made it so cheap" he couldn't help to buy it. He cited a May trip where he traveled to five continents as a reason why he needed the plane. He also admits to using his private jets to travel to his vacation homes.

The journalist wanted Copeland to explain a comment he made in 2015, when he described flying commercial as "flying in a long tube with a bunch of demons — and it's deadly." While pointing his finger at Guerrero, Copeland denied saying it initially, before explaining that it's a "biblical thing."
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/kenneth-copeland-televangelist-defends-lavish-lifestyle-and-use-of-private-jets-2019-06-04/

Why yes, the devil does walk among us!!! But his name beith Kenneth J. Copeland! I mean is this a Biblical thing? I ask you my fair congregation! You know it does say in the Good Book that JAYSUS hated the rich and grifters, and hypocrites and Kenneth Copeland is all 3! I will say private jets are nice but it does indicate a very sinful lifestyle!

Copeland then added that he has more than three planes, but that he primarily uses the Gulfstream and two Citations, while others in his ministry have access to the planes too. The televangelist who is said to be worth $760 million as of 2018 explained that he needs to jet around the world to help the needy.

He admitted that he is a wealthy man, but said that the money doesn’t come from his ministry alone, as he has vast investments.

“My wealth does not come from offering alone. I have a lot of natural gas on my properties. You didn’t know that did you baby? Isn’t that wonderful?” Copeland said.

Copeland then added that the Jewish people understand that it’s not a bad thing to have money and to be wealthy.
https://www.inquisitr.com/5464178/kenneth-copeland-commercial-flights-demons/

Well they are DAYMON birds if they’re flown by Pastor Copeland. I’m not saying that Pastor Copeland is a DAYMON, but he doesn’t exactly live a Biblical lifestyle. And you can lie. You can lie all you want, but the DEVIL sees all and knows all! So here’s the thing, Pastor Copeland, when you’re already in a hole, stop fucking digging!!! Why yes, we can swear in my church and this is making me very angry, sir! And you do not want to see me angry, for I bring down the WRATH OF GAWD!!!

Brown’s argument is that we’re all presumably okay with Copeland spending more money to fly than take a bus. (I would agree with that. I don’t think anyone would criticize Copeland for flying to various locations if they were far away or overseas. The slightly higher price for a plane ticket could be easily justified.) By extension, then, Brown asks why we’re all mad that he spends more money on a private jet than flying commercial.

Because the drastic increase in cost for a private jet is a luxury he can do without.

Steven Kozar at Museum of Idolatry tried to make sense of it. Even if we’re talking about spending the bare minimum to operate the private jet — which one website said was $700,000 a year for a pilot, staff, maintenance, and other necessities — just think about the bills.

So, using the lowest annual cost of $700,000 and dividing it by 12 months the cost to operate a jet is at least $58,333.33 per month. That comes to $1,944.44 per DAY. A more expensive jet would cost $5,000 to $10,000 per DAY. If Kenneth Copeland bought a new ticket every single day, he would have to spend at least $1,944.44 on each ticket to equal the cost of running one private jet, and that doesn’t even figure in the cost of actually purchasing the jet.
https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2019/06/07/this-is-a-horrible-way-to-defend-a-wealthy-televangelists-private-jet/

Except that it isn’t, sir. You know it is fun to play armchair auditor and those are some pretty alarming numbers that it takes to operate a private jet, let alone a fleet of them! So, the question is, is Pastor Copeland stealing from his collection offerings? I ask you my fair congregation!! But Kenneth Copeland apparently loves his private jets more than he loves JAYSUS, because frequent flyer miles are for godless heathens!

A journalist's confrontation with a televangelist has gone viral, bringing televangelism and its most prosperous preachers under public scrutiny once again.

Texas televangelist Kenneth Copeland came under fire this weekend for viral statements defending his lifestyle, including his ownership of three private jets.

Upon their first interaction in Branson, Missouri, Lisa Guerrero, an investigative journalist for news magazine Inside Edition, asked Copeland about his planes.

"That's really none of your business," he told her.

Copeland then justified his jet-setting by arguing that he would not be able to preach globally without them.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2019/06/04/televangelist-kenneth-copeland-defends-private-jets-inside-edition/1337549001/

Yes, god forbid that Pastor Copeland put up with the TSA and frequent flyer rewards programs like the rest of us have to! Now I know in the Good Book, it says judge not lest ye be judged, but really, fuck these people! None of your business? Well we’ll make it our business, thank you sir!! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for;




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From: Idiots #4-17

If you’ve ever seen Jim Bakker’s show, you know that it really doesn’t have anything to do with religion or the bizarre conspiracy theories he preaches. Instead it’s basically a home shopping channel for doomsday preppers. And it’s every bit as horrible as you might imagine!

Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Clip without context!

To give you credit, Jim, I think you underestimated there a bit. Spin it again! Holy shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters, it is time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it is our weekly duty to remind you that the holiest among us are always the most full of:



You know my fair brothers and sisters, we usually cover a wide variety of topics in our weekly sermon from a wide variety of followers of the LAWRD! But this week we are going to focus on one, and one in particular. I’m talking about a guy who is so batshit crazy that he has his own special section on Right Wing Watch. He has a wide variety of end times products for us to sell! Yes everything from barely edible emergency survival food to a whole fucking village. Literally! I’m of course talking about Brother Jim Bakker. Brother Jim is in a world of hurt right now because he’s selling shit and nobody is buying it!

Controversial televangelist Jim Bakker has claimed that the Missouri town in which he is building a Christian community is equipped to survive the end of the world, and is selling survival gear, such as packs of bottles that cost $150.

Baker said on his program "The Jim Bakker Show" earlier this week that various prophets have predicted that if there is a major world disaster and humankind faces the end of the world, people in large cities are not going to be able to survive.

That is why for 15 years Bakker has been building his Morningside community in Blue Eye, Missouri, which will come with an amphitheater, houses for the residents, and a chapel that can be used for weddings.

He also is advertising survival gear, such as a pack of six "extreme survival" water bottles being sold for $150. His website claims that the bottles are "designed using a combination of both Advanced and Radiological filters."

"You all are going to know soon why God brought us here," Bakker said on Tuesday's show.

"Do you know the people from the government, from NASA, the research from so many of them, they have said in their research that the safest place to live in troubled times is right here. That's why God brought us here," he added.
https://www.christianpost.com/news/televangelist-jim-bakker-says-christians-can-survive-end-of-world-by-buying-his-condos-and-150-water-bottles-223671/

So Brother Jim is constructing his own village, because as you know – you all know, that in our good book, it says that “it takes a village to save mankind from impending doom”. That is a prophecy from the good LAWRD, creator of all things holy. Can I get an amen? And in terms of his village, apparently science is the reason why you should live in his village!

End Times prepper pastor Jim Bakker has spent the last several episodes of his television program urging viewers not only to stock up on his buckets of survival food, but to move to his Morningside community outside of Branson, Missouri, in preparation for the Last Days, claiming on yesterday’s program that government scientists have declared that this location will be the best place to ride out the coming Tribulation.

“There is nowhere on earth you could live with more of God’s generals here,” Bakker proclaimed, bizarrely bragging that “Branson has the number-one Christian theater in the world.”

“You all are going to know soon why God brought us here,” he said. “Do you know the people from the government, from NASA, the research from so many of them, they have said in their research that the safest place to live in troubled times is right here. That’s why God brought us here.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jim-bakker-government-scientists-say-morningside-is-the-best-place-to-ride-out-the-end-times/

Yes indeed it is science! That’s not the only shit that Brother Jim is selling. But instead - Jim is also hawking emergency survival kits.

Jim Bakker of PTL fame is back. Or, rather, he's been back, you were probably just unaware of it. This time, instead of timeshares on the campus of PTL, a thrilling vacation at his "Christian" theme park, and promises of reaping material rewards for donating to his "ministry," the disgraced televangelist is hawking survival gear on Christian TV.

A long expose in The Charlotte Observer details Bakker's current activities. In a nutshell, as the article succinctly states, "Jim Bakker is back on TV with a different, darker message: The Apocalypse is coming and you better get ready."

For Bakker, getting ready means sending him large amounts of money, called a "donation," and as a "thank you," he'll send you survival gear that he endorses.

Of course, you'll be forgiven if the specifics sound new and yet the overall theme of Jim Bakker's message sounds vaguely familiar to you. You can read the details of Bakker's rise and fall during the '80s by reading The Charlotte Observer article, but as the article points out, the financial information for his new "ministry" is shrouded in mystery. In other words, like in the '80s, people are apparently sending Bakker money without any real accountability for where the money goes and how it's used.
https://pjmedia.com/faith/disgraced-televangelist-jim-bakker-cashes-apocalypse-fears/

But here is how Brother Jim is selling this – and I think even the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want this because he is the creator of all that is good and holy! But not buying his shit will apparently cause cannibalism!

End Times prepper pastor Jim Bakker used his television program again today to promote his line of survival products, urging viewers to stock up now because people will be forced to resort to cannibalism when the Last Days arrive.

Complaining that he has “been so lambasted in the last few years” for endlessly promoting his End Times survival products, Bakker lashed out, warning that “the Bible says a fool sees trouble coming and doesn’t prepare.”

“In perilous times, they do crazy things,” Bakker said, adding that he has “cried so much” over the destruction wrought on Houston by Hurricane Harvey.

“I saw wonderful people with everything gone,” Bakker wept. “Everything gone! You don’t understand everything gone! You don’t understand living in darkness unless you’ve lived in darkness. And they will kill each other, eat each other, steal everything from each other and that’s what the Bible warns about. I want you to be prepared.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jim-bakkers-food-buckets-will-prevent-you-from-resorting-to-cannibalism/

See here’s where you don’t give a crackpot a microphone and a license to sell crap that nobody wants – he will use it for evil instead of good. Because Brother Jim sells emergency kits and then, THEN claims that he can see into the future and that it will be a bleak one! Gee, I wonder why? Maybe Jim can tell me the plot of Avengers 4 at least?

Jim Bakker is making headlines again three years after his “Praise the Lord” (PTL) empire near Charlotte collapsed amid financial corruption and sexual scandal. Now, instead of rebuilding his 2,300 acre Christian theme park and resort, Heritage USA, Bakker is selling supplies for the coming apocalypse. “We are in the final days,” Bakker says.

While Bakker claims that he has abandoned his previous lifestyle in favor of coming to a truer understanding of Christ, plenty of people remember that his theme park and TV show funded an opulent lifestyle filled with vacation homes, expensive cars and an air-conditioned doghouse. There are questions about whether Bakker truly repented after serving five years in prison for fraud or if he is merely capitalizing on 21st century fears such as terrorism and climate change. His new TV show, “The Jim Bakker Show,” certainly works hard to sell fuel-less generators, doomsday guidebooks and freeze-dried food with a shelf life of up to 30 years. Bakker, however, insists that the twin disasters of Hurricane Harvey and Maria and concerns of nuclear war with North Korea are signs that the end times are on the horizon, and that Christians ignore the warnings at their own risk. “One day,” Bakker says, “you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face and you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’ He’s going to say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you. But you didn’t listen.’ ”

Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/news/2018/02/jim-bakker-says-apocalypse-coming-proof.php#tXjqvltAWWbA37J0.99

Now because all good food comes in bucket form – we here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10 have actually acquired some food of theirs to taste. And we recommend that you do not try this at home! Can we show the flyer first?



Now we here have a wide variety of stuff that comes in that magical bucket! I mean look at that – you have pizza, you have fried chicken, mac & cheese, coleslaw – it’s essentially KFC for those that believe in the doomsday apocalypse! Let’s try some. Mmmmmmmmmmm…. Yeah!

Like other Religious Right leaders, Bakker is a zealous supporter of President Trump. Bakker said a few weeks ago that criticism of Trump was a sign that “America is in a war against God.” Last year Bakker warned that God’s judgment would fall on anyone who interfered with divine plans to use Trump to save America. Bakker has also warned that people will have to answer to God for making fun of him.

In his new pitch, Bakker warns his followers that the “popular and delicious Tasty Food Bucket is going to be discontinued at the end of April due to cost of the ingredients. Many of these recipes will never be offered in a configuration like this again! Some recipes may even be retired.”

The colorful flyer included with the letter spells out four offers, from the single food bucket available for a gift of $175 to Bakker’s ministry (374 servings) all the way up to the special Time of Trouble Officer of 28 Tasty Pantry Deluxe Plus Buckets (10,472 servings) that can be yours for a $3,700 contribution.

Says Bakker, “We believe in preparing because God has warned us to prepare.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jim-bakker-heed-gods-warning-and-buy-my-prepper-buckets-for-the-end-of-days-time-of-trouble/

You know what? Excuse me a minute! So there we have it, we have dedicated this week to exposing the end times crap that Brother Jim hath been hawking! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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From: Idiots #6-15

For those of you who are new to the show, you know that Liberty University is a favorite punching bag of ours. Because in addition to their ultra-strict code of conduct which is very frequently broken, they are a breeding ground for crazy people. As evidenced by this guy who puts on a firefighter hat and does a podcast calling himself a “prophet”, Mark Taylor. Real life is stranger than fiction sometimes!

Gather around, my brothers and sisters of Colorado! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you that the holiest among us are also the most full of:



My fair congregation!!!! You know it’s good to be back! Thank you sir! Last time we congregated, I told you that we could predict the future of religion on this planet that we live on. But there’s one guy who literally gets paid to predict the future! Well, he doesn’t really get paid to predict the future, but he gets paid, somehow, and makes some truly awful predictions. I’m of course talking about Liberty University’s favorite crackpot wannabe “prophet” Mark Taylor. Mark Taylor, as you know, Liberty University made a movie about him, and he just won’t stop predicting truly awful things. Like this.

Mark Taylor, the so-called “firefighter prophet,” issued a genuinely alarming “prophecy” yesterday in which he proclaimed that President Trump will start to imprison and execute his critics in such a massive and brutal manner that even Trump’s own evangelical advisers will turn against him. Taylor, who was being interviewed by Tiffany FitzHenry, insisted that the fact that these religious leaders would dare to turn against the president is a sign that they are tools of Satan who are trying to stop Trump from carrying out divine justice.

“If these evangelicals do this, they’re not on heaven’s agenda, they’re not on heaven’s frequency,” Taylor said. “They’re on Satan’s frequency. I have been warning that God has been showing me—for over a year and a half now—he’s been showing me that Jezebel is part of the presidential spiritual advisory board, that spirit is operating on that board.”

Taylor said that God showed him that “there would be a decision that the president has to make” to which Trump’s religious advisers would object on the grounds that Trump’s response is “not godly” … but that would be because they don’t realize that Trump has been called to carry out “God’s justice on the earth right now” and “nothing will stop what is coming.”

“Justice is here,” Taylor said. “We have been praying for this for decades, including those that have gone before us, but we are the ones that get to see this. I’m going to issue a warning here: if you don’t have a stomach for justice, you’d better get one quick and you’d better get red-pilled quick, because there will be suicides—which we all know are coming, we’ve already had some—there will be people imprisoned for life for treason, and there will be those that will be executed for treason.”

“Justice is coming,” he said. “It’s fixing to be served out on a massive scale.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/justice-is-coming-mark-taylor-issues-an-alarming-prophecy/

Yeah they could be, sir. But I’m pretty sure that the type of justice that Mr. Taylor has in mind certainly is not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, is it? Well, now, the LAWRD works in mysterious ways, does he not? I mean really does he think this is a possibility? Can the dead suddenly come back to life and run for president? And in the opposing party? Is he really that stupid??? Yes, yes he is!

A few weeks ago, Mark Taylor, the so-called “firefighter prophet,” claimed that God had told him that President Trump is not going to be the only member of the Trump family elected to the White House. At the time, Taylor didn’t know who the next Trump president would be, but since then, he claims that God gave him a dream suggesting that Donald Trump Jr. could follow his father into the Oval Office … and just might do so by running on a ticket with John F. Kennedy Jr.

Those who might understandably wonder how JFK Jr. could possibly make a run for the White House given that he died in a plane crash 20 years ago are obviously not familiar with the right-wing conspiracy theory that states that he faked his death and is now a key part of the QAnon movement through which he is working with President Trump to take down the deep state.

During a recent appearance on “The Blessed To Teach Show,” Taylor revealed that he shared his dream with his friend and fellow conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin, who is a leading proponent of the JFK-QAnon theory, which led the duo to wonder if the dream was a sign from God of a looming Trump Jr./JFK Jr. ticket.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/did-god-give-mark-taylor-a-prophetic-dream-about-a-donald-trump-jr-john-f-kennedy-jr-ticket/

Yes, yes it does! I mean god, and Liberty University likes this guy? I might have to have a talk with the Rev. Falwell Jr, because he is quite literally off his rocker. I mean do they really think they are representing the good LAWRD JAYSUS here? I would think that even the LAWRD might frown on this next prediction!

Mark Taylor, the radical right-wing conspiracy theorist and so-called “firefighter prophet,” has begun issuing some genuinely alarming prophecies in recent weeks, warning that President Trump has been tasked by God to carry out divine justice by executing his political opponents.

Taylor, about whom Liberty University made a movie last year, appeared on “The MC Files” program on Monday night, where he doubled down on this prophecy, warning that leaders like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton will soon be arrested and put to death and that anyone who dares to oppose Trump will be “standing in the way” of God’s will.

“God is going to serve justice,” Taylor said. “Justice is coming … [Obama] will be arrested. Justice will be served. Period. Hillary Clinton will be arrested, all these people, it’s coming.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/mark-taylor-those-who-object-to-trump-executing-his-political-opponents-are-standing-in-the-way-of-gods-will/

I don’t think that even the good LAWRD JAYSUS knows what to do with this one, for it says in the good book that you should judge not lest ye be judged! They’re convinced of this nonsense that justice will be served, whatever that is. This guy is certifiably insane, and he really needs to stop making predictions, because he is making some truly awful and terrible ones, like this:

During his recent appearance on Tiffany FitzHenry’s YouTube program, radical right-wing conspiracy theorist and so-called “firefighter prophet” Mark Taylor claimed that Barack Obama will soon admit to having been born in Kenya in an attempt to avoid being prosecuted for treason.

“I don’t think the guy is American,” Taylor said. “It’s already been proven that that birth certificate is a phony.”

Taylor insisted that the issue of Obama’s birth certificate is vitally important because it is the key to effectively negating his entire presidency, citing the QAnon conspiracy theory which claims that high-ranking intelligence officials in the Trump administration are leaking information about a secret plan to take down a global network of satanic pedophiles that includes prominent Democratic Party entertainment, political and business figures.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/mark-taylor-obama-will-claim-kenyan-citizenship-to-keep-from-being-tried-for-treason/

Can we drop this nonsense already? No, because they are that completely stupid and insane, and they will believe anything that they’re told! And by the way give it up for our gospel choir, how great are they? We’ve seen some insane theories from Mr. Taylor but I think this might be one of his most insane yet:

Mark Taylor, a radical right-wing conspiracy theorist and the so-called “firefighter prophet,” made a return appearance on Tiffany FitzHenry’s YouTube program last week, where he predicted that those who support abortion rights will soon begin to advocate for the murder of pregnant women.

Taylor insisted that legal abortion, in addition to being a source of power for the demon god Baal, is also a form of population control. He prophesied that reproductive rights advocates will begin to call for women who get pregnant to be put to death.

“When you’re talking about control and the abortion issue, they go hand in hand,” said Taylor. “This is about controlling the population.”

“I’ll tell you what else is probably going to be exposed and I’ll release it here for the first time,” he added. “Look for these guys—the extreme left, the extreme globalists—that when a woman gets pregnant, their goal will be to take the woman and the child.”

“It’s like taking two birds with one shot, almost,” Taylor said. “Look for that somewhere in the world, where these elites go, ‘When you get pregnant at this point, we’re going to take the mother and the child.'”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/mark-taylor-reproductive-rights-activists-will-advocate-the-killing-of-pregnant-women/

That’s funny, I don’t remember that being part of our party platform! You get nothing, you lose, good day sir! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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From: Idiots #6-15

One thing I am very grateful that the Unholy, Ungodly Dark One does not control the White House anymore is that we don’t frequently have to deal with people as crazy as his spiritual advisor. Whew, and this is some absolutely next level crazy here.

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Houston! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! This week we’re going to talk about how my fellow brothers and sisters on the right have somehow managed to infiltrate the White House. Despite the fact that we’re supposed to have separation of church and state. Which is something that I am a big fan and proponent of – which is why you’ll never see me running for office. I respect boundaries. But there are some people who do not respect boundaries. You know what? before we get into it let’s roll the tape!

Yes, my friends, that is Paula White. The woman who acts as a spiritual advisor to the most unholy Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, is now in the White House!

A former White House adviser on faith affairs accused Paula White, the controversial pastor appointed to lead President Donald Trump's new faith office, of trying to profit financially from the role.

The Trump administration recently revealed that White, the current president's spiritual adviser and a wealthy televangelist preacher of the prosperity gospel, will head the Faith and Opportunity Initiative at the White House, founded by executive order last year.

White, who headed Trump's evangelical advisory committee, caught attention in 2018 when she told people to donate their first paycheck of the year to her ministries as a "first fruit" offering or face God's wrath.

Last week, White, whose church is based in Florida, suggested during a prayer for Trump that opponents of the president "operate in sorcery and witchcraft." suggested during a prayer for Trump that opponents of the president "operate in sorcery and witchcraft."

According to CNN, a White House spokesman said White, who is also known by her married name White-Cain, is a part-time special government employee and "permitted to maintain separate employment" to her official role.
https://www.newsweek.com/trump-pastor-paula-white-cain-obama-faith-adviser-1471155

Yes, the devil walks among us, but I shall not say his name! In fact like a movie I was watching if you say his name 3 times, he might appear in front of you to do your unholy deeds! And by the way in case you’re wondering if Ms. White has toned down her increasingly hostile rhetoric, you will definitely not be surprised. Because I’m sure that this is exactly what our LAWRD JAYSUS would have in mind!

President Donald Trump has added Florida televangelist Paula White to his administration. She will be an adviser to the president’s Faith and Opportunity Initiative in the White House’s Office of Public Liaison.

The New York Times calls the 53-year-old White “a quintessentially Trump figure: a television preacher, married three times, who lives in a mansion [and believes] that God wants followers to find wealth and health -- commonly called the prosperity gospel.”

Her beliefs have made her controversial even in religious circles. The Rev. William J. Barber II, a protestant minister who is also president of the NAACP’s North Carolina state chapter, called her message “a false gospel.”

“It is an attempt,” he said, “to interpret the gospel to be primarily about personal wealth and personal power, which is contrary to the theology of Jesus where the good news was always focused on caring for the poor, the least of these, the stranger, the sick.”
https://www.oregonlive.com/politics/2019/11/paula-white-donald-trumps-new-white-house-adviser-ratchets-up-fake-news-rhetoric-denouncing-demonic-networks.html

No it’s just Paula White. Though she could be a DAYMON!!! I mean just… where do we find these people, exactly? Really because the kind of gospel that Ms. White preaches, well, I am not exactly sure that she’s even read the Bible! Or at the very least our Good Book because it says nothing about what she preaches!

It was "Power Night" at the City of Destiny church on Sunday and Pastor Paula White was urging her congregation to pony up.

"I want you to hear from God. God already spoke to me what I'm going to write out. You're going to write your checks to Paula White Ministries," White preached. "If God tells you to give $12.99, do it. Whatever the Holy Spirit speaks to you. If you need to give by credit card, do so."
White regularly urges those in her pews to donate to her ministry, promising that God will bless them with wealth and "visions" in return. She sometimes warns her followers that their "dream will die" if they don't.

This time, the televangelist was doing it as a newly minted White House official.

White, President Donald Trump's longtime spiritual adviser, joined the White House staff last week to lead the Faith and Opportunity Initiative, a division of the Office of Public Liaison. Her role will primarily be to solicit input from religious groups on White House initiatives and to maintain Trump's strong ties to the religious leaders who support him.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/07/politics/paula-white-televangelist-white-house/index.html

Well except for the fact that this is a church where we do judge people! And we look for content of quality and character, of which Paula White doesn’t have any of those things! But really you might as well hire Joel Osteen. Or shit even Kanye West at this point? What? I’ve told you that we are allowed to swear in my church! Go ahead, let it out! And by the way in case you’re wondering why the Dark One selected Ms. White, well, let’s take a look at where she stands.

President Donald Trump's personal spiritual adviser, Paula White, launched a prayer effort alongside other evangelical Christian leaders on Tuesday, offering a prayer condemning the president's opponents, accusing them of being aligned with evil spirits and using sorcery.

The White House officially announced last week that White would spearhead the president's Faith and Opportunity Initiative. Trump and the wealthy televangelist have been friends for years ,and she has been a key religious supporter, rallying her Christian base to back the president.

Alongside fellow Christian leaders Cindy Jacobs, Dave Kabul and Dutch Sheets, White has launched the One Voice Prayer Movement, starting the initiative on Tuesday with a prayer for Trump. "Lord, we ask you to deliver our president from any snare, any setup of the enemy, according to Ephesians 6:12. Any persons [or] entities that are aligned against the president will be exposed and dealt with and overturned by the superior blood of Jesus," she said during her prayer in a conference call with other Christian leaders.

"Whether it's the spirit of Leviathan, a spirit of Jezebel, Abaddon, whether it's the spirit of Belial, we come against the strongmen, especially Jezebel, that which would operate in sorcery and witchcraft, that which would operate in hidden things, veiled things, that which would operate in deception," she continued. "We come against it according to your word."
https://www.newsweek.com/trump-spiritual-adviser-paula-white-prays-against-presidents-opponents-suggests-they-operate-1470197

Yeah probably! With friends like Paula White, who needs enemies? Well that’s it for this week, mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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From: Idiots #11-5

People always ask me – why do you target Christian megachurches? Well because they make themselves easy targets. Hillsong, Liberty University, Lakewood Church, and Kanye West’s Sunday Sermons are a frequent target of ours because they are breeding grounds for crazy people. Look at Hillsong for instance – they’re run by a batshit crazy dominionist conspiracy theorist who may be in some really deep shit!

Spin it to win it! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it’s one of our patented clips without context!

Link to tweet

And if you want to meet Jesus, all you have to do is follow Pastor Feuerstein’s advice! Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Holy Shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! You know religion is something that is global, and it is seen and heard around this great big world of ours. But even the most global of churches can hide a dark and sinister side. One of the most global churches is Hillsong Church out of Australia. They’re a group with a global following which includes sold out concerts and conferences, and multi-platinum albums, and even celebrity fans like Justin Bieber and Kanye West. But they are in a lot of trouble with the feds and it’s not good. Let’s face it – they are not so much a church as they are a full blown cult. So just how much trouble are they in? Well it’s not something that the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, and it’s of course that they are supporters of the unholy, ungodly Dark One! But Hillsong is led by Brian Houston, a man who could be in some very deep trouble!

Hillsong founder Brian Houston has broken his silence and expressed devastation over allegations he concealed his father's sexual abuse of a young boy.

Houston, 67, was charged by police in his home state of NSW last Thursday, accused of concealing his dead father Frank's historic sexual abuse of a seven-year-old boy.

He has vowed to 'vehemently' defend the case in court but faces up to five years behind bars if found guilty.

Despite the serious charges, Houston remains in America where he hosted a series of church services in Springfield and Kansas City in Missouri on Sunday.

Houston briefly commented on the charges against him when he confronted by a reporter while leaving his hotel before dodging further questions.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9874741/Hillsong-founder-Brian-Houston-responds-allegations-concealed-fathers-sexual-abuse-boy.html

You know we’ve covered sex scandals and abuses on this program before so there??s nothing we can do to make fun of this. But we can make fun of the abusers right? Though I am reminded of what it says in the Good Book, you can count on that. Although “you’re ashamed”? That’s the best you could come up with, seriously? But guess what – Pastor Houston met with the unholy Dark One himself! That’s right you can’t make this stuff up folks!

The US journalist who broke the story of Prime Minister Scott Morrison's involvement in trying to secure an invitation to a 2019 White House dinner for Hillsong founder Brian Houston says sources described a "sphere of bad news" and "scandal" surrounding the controversial pastor.

They expressed no suspicions about Brian Houston personally.

The Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse heard that Frank Houston, Brian's father, had admitted to sexually abusing a child decades earlier.

Last week, NSW Police charged Brian Houston with failing to report this alleged abuse to police.

Mr Houston has denied any wrongdoing, and said in a statement that the charge has come as a shock to him.

The police investigation into the pastor's alleged conduct began at around the same time as the Prime Minister was preparing for a state visit to the White House in September 2019.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-08-10/journalist-fleshes-out-white-house-state-dinner-scoop/100365402

Yeah so make no mistake that when you’re dealing with the Unholy Dark One, that you are making a deal with the Devil himself! But here’s the even more disturbing thing about this church – Pastor Houston was not the only pastor who was accused of abuse! There’s also this story out of Hillsong’s New York City chapter that also broke this year regarding the church! Which just begs the question – what kind of people are they looking for when they hire new pastors?

In mid-November 2020, a crisis manager from the public relations firm Sunshine Sachs took on a new client: Carl Lentz, former head of Hillsong Church’s four locations in the American Northeast. Hillsong is an Australia-based megachurch that averages more than 150,000 weekly congregants at satellites in 30 countries. It is also a multimedia conglomerate that produces documentaries, books, and chart-topping musical acts. After joining Hillsong as head pastor of the New York outpost in 2010, Lentz quickly became the church’s most recognizable face. Liberally tattooed, elaborately coiffed, and often dressed like a teenage hypebeast, Lentz, 42, achieved mild mainstream fame based on his proximity and access to the millennial celebrities in his flock: Justin and Hailey Bieber, Vanessa Hudgens, Kevin Durant, Selena Gomez. Tens of thousands of urban evangelical professionals followed Lentz for his soaring sermons at weekly services that resembled rock concerts.

But in late 2020, Lentz needed a new path. On November 4, Hillsong’s global senior pastor and founder, Brian Houston, publicly fired Lentz and his wife of 17 years, Laura, pointing to “leadership issues and breaches of trust, plus a recent revelation of moral failures.” On Instagram the next day, Carl Lentz paired a photo of his family decked out in formal attire at the Biebers’ wedding with a confession:

On November 9, Ranin Karim, a 34-year-old jewelry designer and actor with a septum piercing and her own sleeves of tattoos, described a monthslong tequila-drenched love affair with Lentz in interviews with The Sun, the New York Post, and others. She said Lentz introduced himself as a sports agent in Williamsburg’s Domino Park and called her his “Middle Eastern unicorn woman.” Laura Lentz discovered the affair after a Hillsong staffer saw Lentz’s messages on his office computer. With the tabloids feasting on his humiliation, Lentz’s new P.R. advisers believed his return began with three months out of public view, followed by a news cycle dominating mea maxima culpa—perhaps, as suggested for a time, in this magazine.
https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2021/02/carl-lentz-and-the-trouble-at-hillsong

But that could be a lot of them, Reverend! For you see Hillsong has an abuse problem on its’ hands and it’s not going away any time soon. In fact there’s now a third scandal breaking out of Montclair, New Jersey and it’s another one worth keeping tabs on! But really what’s tempting the members of Hillsong that they keep finding ways to cheat on their wives and abuse people? I’m almost starting to think it’s a regular feature with this cult church!

Pastor Darnell Barrett of Hillsong Church resigned on Tuesday after sharing explicit photos to at least one of his followers, a woman, on Instagram, something he claims was a mistake and not an attempt to lure the woman.

The married creative director of Hillsong's Montclair, New Jersey, chapter is the latest pastor from the celebrity-loved mega church to resign amid a sex-related scandal.

In photos posted by Daily Mail, Barrett, 32, shared pictures two days in a row of him shirtless after a workout wearing Nike Pro Compression Tights that exposed him.

Barrett – who previously appeared on Steve Harvey's talk show – wrote that "depression and anxiety got the best of me in the last 30 hours" in text written over the pictures he posted to his Close Friends list on Instagram, saying the gym is what's been helping him get out of bed, the photos obtained by Daily Mail show.
https://people.com/human-interest/hillsong-pastor-darnell-barrett-quits-following-scandal-after-sharing-revealing-photos/

That was perfect for that! But yes… beware the cult of Hillsong for they are not to be trusted with their leadership! And let’s not forget that case of vaccine denial from Northern California this week. So they’ve got some problems and they’re not going away any time soon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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Welcome back to the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven! As you know, this is a free form segment that was started in Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons, where we answer your e-mails, prayers, and thoughts about random religious themed news of the day! Did I say read your thoughts? I said too much! But we can talk about anything that’s on your mind – whether it’s religious news of the day or it’s just something that you have always wanted to know the answer to! You might be asking “Heavenly Father, I want to get in touch with the Church Of The Top 10 but I don’t know how!”. Well, I answer you, my fair children – there are many ways to get in touch with us! The easiest way is either through the comments section, or you can tweet us @churchofTop10, or you can e-mail us at [email protected]. Now, with that out of the way, let’s get this started!

Mike S. from Long Island, New York writes:

Heavenly Father,

Why does it seem like my religious friends are getting crazier and crazier?

Well, Brother Mike, there’s no logical explanation for why your religious friends seem to be getting crazier, but when you live in a bubble and speak through an echo chamber non stop 24 hours a day, that could explain a lot. The fact is that politics is driving literally everyone crazy right now because there’s no break from it. The supporters of the unholy Dark One are doing everything they can to make every single thing a political action, whether it’s going to Starbucks or going out to the bar at night. That being said even we don’t know. As the late great Ronnie James Dio once said – “When you listen to fools, the mob rules”. Especially when you listen to people like this:

Michelle Y. from Baton Rouge, Louisiana writes:

Heavenly Father,

My religious friends always resort to violence as a way of solving their problems. But doesn’t the Bible say that Thou Shalt Not Kill? Every time I bring that up, they always argue around it.”

Well, Sister Michelle. Yes, the Bible is very clear about violence. And our Good Book says that you should never resort to violence, no matter what the circumstance is. If your religious friends think that violence is the answer, it’s probably because they’re living in an echo chamber and whoever is feeding them thoughts is feeding them some extremely dark ones. You know think of it like those cartoon characters where they listen to the voices in their head. If you listen to some extremely dark voices, you’re going to have some pretty fucked up people living inside your head.

Jacob P. from Atlanta, Georgia writes:

Heavenly Father,

Why does it seem like the religious right is going full fascist if they win in 2022 and 2024?

Well, Brother Jacob, I really don’t have an answer for that one. But the thing is southern right wing, uber religious gun nuts have always been bad for politics. This latest group is just the end result of the last one and keep repeating that. The current crop is inspired by Fox News. And Fox News now is the end result of Limbaughism, which is the result of the Southern Strategy, which is the result of McCarthyism, it’s just the same group with a different package and new technology. The fact that Richard Nixon courted these people back in the 60s was a huge mistake.

Olivia C. from Grosse Point, Michigan writes;

Heavenly Father,

Remember that crazy woman from that reality TV show where she kept screaming about demons and how everything is ungodly? Why does it seem like she is the normal for this crowd?

Well, Sister Olivia – of course we do! That woman is one of the more memorable characters in reality show history. For those of you unfamiliar, this is the clip that I am referring to. It’s from the reality show “Trading Spouses”.

That was in 2005 by the way, when George Bush was at the height of his powers. This is what happens when people go to church and they live in an echo chamber. You start to hear some strange thoughts, and those thoughts can be pure violent fantasies. If it seems like everyone on the religious right has been upping the ante on crazy violent thoughts, we didn’t just get here overnight! It’s been a long, slow build from 40 years of non-stop madness. And if it seems like religious crazy people are taking over your school boards and city councils, oh they don’t plan to stop there, by any means!

Thank you very much for indulging us with the Holy Shit 5th Anniversary Special! Congrats on 5 years guys! Here’s to five more! We’re back on the road next week live from Phoenix with the famous Wheel Of Corruption and live music from the Dear Hunter!

See you next week!

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