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Thu May 5, 2022, 05:02 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #12-14: Honey, I Shrunk The District Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #12-14: Honey, I Shrunk The District Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yo! What’s up, Burbank? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! It's always great to be back in our former home during the pandemic and not in front of a blank blue void either! We actually have a real audience now! Ah, Stella Artois, the king of beers! So can we tell you the big announcement before we get going? So we announced this on Twitter last week. We were combing through the Top 10 archives and we discovered that August 9th is the fifth anniversary of the debut of our very favorite religious themed segment Holy Shit, something that we have made a permanent weekly fixture since the week it was debuted and have even spun it off into its’ own series. So with that said, our August 11th edition will be dedicated exclusively to bringing you the best of Holy Shit and we have something big planned for that. Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! So we almost thought about making a full “I Need A Drink” out of this one and we still might do it depending on how things go. So I had a ton of people request this story. I’m sure you heard by now of the Florida Man who was accused of attempting to fight Mike Tyson? Well guess what? It happened again! That’s right – days after Mike Tyson punched out a guy for provoking him on an airplane, another man attempts to fight him. And guess what? Same result! You know the old saying about playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes, right? And remember that scene in the Hangover when Zach Galaifinakis gets punched out by Mike Tyson? Yup, same result! So I guess the legends are true – do not fuck with Mike Tyson. Because it will end very badly for you. We might have to do an “I Need A Drink” next week for this one. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and this week he talks about environmental racism:



So where do we begin this week? In the number one slot this week we have to talk about Elon Musk (1) because his attempt to take over Twitter is backfiring on him big time and also causing him to lose billions. That’s right. BILLIONS. Where’s Nelson when you need him? In the number 2 slot this week is our old buddy Ron DeSantis. Yes, he’s actually escalating his feud with Disney and it’s costing the residents of Florida big time. Why does anyone still vote for these clowns? We have a war and disease to worry about and he’s focusing on Mickey Mouse being mean to him! Sigh. In the number 3 slot this week is Vladimir Putin (3). So the Russia – Ukraine war isn’t ending any time soon and while we have talked a lot of shit about the war, we’re finally asking the question this week – how does it all end? At the number 4 seed this week is That Former Guy (4). We haven’t been paying much attention to his idiot rallies lately but we have noticed that they’re drawing smaller and smaller crowds. Will Trump eventually be opening up for petting zoos soon? In the number 5 slot this week is also Donald Trump (5) because the Grand Jury in his Georgia election fraud trial is heating up and he might finally have to answer for all of his crimes! In the number 6 slot this week, is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week our resident pastor has finally had enough of Georgia’s batshit crazy Q Anon Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, and we decided that we’re going to debunk some of her crazier theories right now. In the number 7 slot this week is a new People Who Somehow Got Elected (7) and after a series of escalating scandals, we’re finally adding North Carolina’s Madison Cawthorn (Q – Batshit) to that ever-growing list! Taking the number 8 slot this week is a new edition of Conspiracy Corner (8). And this is one of those “why is this not bigger news?” kind of segments because MAGA loving conspiracy theorists are taking over voting systems in a number of states, and they’re all getting busted for fraud. It’s very alarming! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot this week we have a new “I Need A Drink” (9) and we have to talk about the part of the male anatomy known as the penis, because America ranks near the bottom of the pack and the rest of the world isn’t doing much better, though a shocking contender for largest in the world has emerged! And we’re going to make lots of jokes here, that you can rest assured! Finally this week it’s time for Stupidest State 2022!! Yes, cue the reggaeton horn! It’s Round 2 Week 4, which means that last, but certainly not least is the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference finals! Kansas. Nebraska. One wins, the other goes home! Plus to top things off, we have some live music from St. Paul & The Broken Bones! Really, buy their new album “The Alien Coast” or you’re no friend of this program. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

By the way, we will *NOT* get to the SCOTUS decision on Roe V Wade this week. We’re waiting until the dust settles and trust us, we’ll have *PLENTY* to talk about in our 5/18 edition!

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[font size="8"]Elon Musk
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Imagine spending $200 to be a dick and buy out Weinerschnitzel’s chili dog supply so nobody else gets a chili dog. Now imagine paying $44 billion to be a dick and buy out one of the world’s most popular social media platforms to make it a haven for alt right racists and sexists. Now imagine that backfiring on you spectacularly. So Elon Musk, the Tesla and Space X CEO has been having what one would call a “bit of a week”. So what does an actual technology executive think of Musk’s planned hostile takeover? Well, according to Bill Gates, the ex-CEO of Microsoft, is not good. And I’m using that in the utmost technical language. And you know how anti-vaxxers are doing everything to not take the vaccine and convince you of how righteous they are by not taking it? Well that’s exactly what Elon is doing by taking over Twitter. His intentions for the platform are very bad. And if you think things are bad now, I’ve often said that Mr. Musk is literally a furry cat and an island fortress away from being a full blown James Bon d villain. And this might make him the next Ernst Starvo Blofeld.

Bill Gates said he's unsure what Twitter's future will look like under Elon Musk's guidance.

"He actually could make it worse," Gates said at an event hosted by The Wall Street Journal on Wednesday. "That's not his track record. I mean his track record with Tesla and SpaceX is pretty mind blowing at putting together a great team of engineers and taking the people who work in those fields in a less bold way and really showing them up. I kind of doubt that will happen this time, but we should have an open mind and never underestimate Elon."

Last week, Twitter accepted Musk's roughly $44 billion buyout offer. The deal is expected to close within the year, pending approval from shareholders and regulators.

"If all you need is money and hiring great engineers, he's probably as good a person as any," Gates said.
https://www.businessinsider.com/bill-gates-never-underestimate-elon-musk-twitter-moderation-vaccines-free-speech-2022-5




He’s not a monster, he’s just a troll. You want to know how he could make things even worse? By charging people to use it. Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That’s right – he could soon start charging businesses and celebrities money to use what is normally a free platform. So if you’re keeping score at home – he wants racists and sexists to be able to roam free, while any serious users of the platform will get hosed. This is a shocking level of evil.

Elon Musk has said that businesses and governments may soon need to pay a “slight cost” to use Twitter just weeks after announcing he plans to buy the social media platform for $44 billion.

The tech billionaire, who is also the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, added in a post late Tuesday that the platform will continue to be free for “casual users.”

It’s unclear how much Musk would like to charge businesses and governments, or whether certain groups such as non-profits and journalists would be exempt from any imposed fees.

Twitter declined to comment when contacted by CNBC.

Over the years, Twitter has failed to make anywhere near as much money as other social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.
https://www.cnbc.com/2022/05/04/elon-musk-says-twitter-may-charge-businesses-and-governments.html


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Uh… call you a pedophile just for asking? OK I stole that joke from Honest Trailers. Sue me. But come on, it was good enough to warrant seconds! But if you think news outlets are bad behind a paywall, just wait until it comes for Twitter. I mean come on, there’s profit to be had, people! And Elon’s gone from full CEO to social media influencer. The bad thing is that it’s costing his other businesses like Tesla some major coin. And the Tesla shareholders aren’t having any of it.



Tesla shares fell 12% Tuesday to $876, pushing the stock down more than 28% from its all-time high in November and wiping $25 billion from Musk's fortune and $128 billion from Tesla's market capitalization, which now stands at $906 billion.

"Tesla shareholders can’t be happy that Musk will have to divert even more attention away from winning the electric-vehicle race," Oanda analyst Edward Moya wrote in emailed comments, echoing concerns from Vital Knowledge Media's Adam Crisafulli, who also attributed the plunge to investor concerns about how Musk will finance his Twitter bid.

In a filing last week, Musk disclosed he's secured $46.5 billion in financing for the Twitter deal, including more than $20 billion in loans from Morgan Stanley and another $21 billion in equity financing, making it very likely he'll need to sell Tesla shares and pledge some as collateral to make the deal work.

As the stock plunged Thursday when Twitter confirmed receipt of the unsolicited takeover proposal, Wells Fargo analyst Colin Langan cautioned Tesla shareholders that the risk of Musk selling even more shares could put pressure on the stock, as it did when the 50-year-old teased sales (that did ultimately happen) late last year.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jonathanponciano/2022/04/26/tesla-stock-plunge-wipes-out-128-billion-in-value-as-twitter-deal-sparks-fears/?sh=4c13988476f7




Holy shit!!!!!!!!!! $128 billion! Fuck! That’s like ½ the gross domestic product of like ½ the countries in Africa combined. Maybe even some of Europe too. Just think of what you could do with that money, and now think of the missed opportunities now that that money is gone. Sorry, money, your money’s happiness is all that monies. Now how is Elon recuperating all that money? He’s selling fucking flash drives, memecoins, and NFTs. That’s right – NFTs. You know, talk about the 21st century equivalent of fool’s gold. Because you have to be a fool to buy this stuff.

Elon Musk on Wednesday changed his profile picture on Twitter to an image featuring various avatars from the Bored Ape non-fungible token collection, sending the price of the project’s digital token soaring.

ApeCoin, the token launched by Bored Ape creators Yuga Labs, surged 19% in an hour at around 8 a.m. ET to a daily high of $17.64 following Musk’s profile picture change, according to Coinbase data. It’s since pared back its gains and was last trading at about $15.43.

It’s not clear whether Musk actually bought a Bored Ape NFT. The billionaire liked a tweet from Michael Bouhanna, an executive at auction house Sotheby’s, who said the image was “created for our Sotheby’s sale.”3

“Happy to send you the original file minted with the buyer approval,” Bouhanna wrote in the tweet.
https://www.cnbc.com/2022/05/04/apecoin-token-surges-after-elon-musk-twitter-profile-change.html





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[font size="8"]Ron DeSantis
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Fox News has way too much power in this country. And some people watch it too damn much and it’s driving them insane. One particular example is our old buddy, Florida governor Ron DeSantis, who wants to be liked by the Fox News crowd so much that he’s doing some pretty evil and dumb shit just to please them and maybe get him a good mention on Hannity and some points with some Parler influencers. We need a good title for this entry. Nah. Nah. Nah. OK that’s a great one! Honey, I shrunk the district! I mean shit, that’s why you don’t elect social media trolls to any position of power. But Ron DeSantis and Fox News both definitely stepped in it this week. As his war on Disney is reaching ridiculous proportions, and his quest to dissolve Disney’s special Reedy Creek district is out of control. See, kids? This egg is your brain. This egg is your brain on Fox News. Any questions? Thought so. That shit rots your brain. And when you see what it’s going to do to the people of Florida, well, is it any wonder why people still vote for these clowns? If I was in Florida I’d be rioting in the streets over this.

Disney (DIS) versus DeSantis.

As the media conglomerate continues to grapple with the aftermath of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis revoking the company's special tax district, business leaders around the globe are contemplating their own company values as political issues take center stage.

"I don't think [Disney CEO Bob Chapek] did his homework," Bill George, a Harvard Business School professor and former chairman and CEO of medical device company, Medtronic, told Yahoo Finance.

"We're in a different world today — he was acting like he was back in the 1990s. In this world of 2022, you have all kinds of stakeholders who expect you to take a position, especially your employees," the professor continued, adding that workers today have found their voice "particularly in this post-COVID world."

"They want to be respected and heard, and they want their CEOs to speak on their behalf," he said, saying that Bob Chapek's silence on the Parental Rights in Education Act, or what critics have dubbed the "Don't Say Gay" bill, created the "uproar" that eventually led to the political crossfire with DeSantis.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/disney-vs-de-santis-chapeks-dont-say-gay-fumble-a-warning-to-ce-os-says-harvard-professor-142706701.html




Yeah you don’t mess with the mouse, man! He’s a bad ass! But here’s the thing – people who love pop culture love Disney. Who doesn’t? They own pretty much every property you could ever care about – Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, every animated movie ever made that’s worth a damn… sorry, Illumination but it’s true. Well anyway all fanboy fare siding, what I’m getting at is you don’t want to mess with Disney fans, for they are a very vocal bunch. I should know, I live 15 minutes from Disneyland and I should go there more often but it’s just too damn expensive. Well, anyway don’t mess with the mouse.

There's an old military adage that if you're taking heavy flak, it must mean you are over the target. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has released a payload of consequences onto the Walt Disney Company for its decision to fight policies designed to protect children from sexual content in their earliest years of education. The company invited even more negative attention when voices inside its power structure made clear its intent to push LGBTQ themes into multiple corridors of entertainment for children.

Moving at head-spinning speed, the Florida legislature passed, and the governor signed, a bill stripping Disney of a massive tax advantage it has enjoyed since 1967—a special district that allows Disney to self-govern the massive tract of land in Florida where the Walt Disney World theme park has thrived. The company has been responsible for providing services like roads, power, water and even firefighting in return for billions in relief from taxes and fees.

The reaction has ranged from strong praise for DeSantis for standing up to the latest wave of corporate wokeness, to condemnation from Disney defenders accusing him of suffocating the company's right to free expression, to, in a characteristically shrill New York Times headline, an "assault on democracy."
https://www.newsweek.com/pushback-against-desantis-proves-value-his-battle-disney-opinion-1701983




Somehow I don’t think we’ll see Mickey Mouse becoming a giant and destroying Orlando, but don’t think it couldn’t happen! You don’t know! But the fact is that Ron DeSantis is going full tyrant and it’s not going to end well for him. Nobody likes a tyrant. And his dissolving of the Disney special district known as Reedy Creek is going to cost him big time. Funny, the party that says that we shouldn’t go after private businesses is literally going after private businesses. If there’s anything we’ve learned on this program, it’s never get between a man and his profit margins! Or in this case, mouse.

Last week, like the petty tyrant he is, Florida governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill dissolving Walt Disney World’s special district status, as retribution for the company’s decision to speak out against his bigoted “Don’t Say Gay” law. Set to go into effect next June, the move abolishes Disney’s self-governing jurisdiction, the Reedy Creek Improvement District, and no longer allows it to effectively run its own city in and around the theme park. That means the counties of Orange and Osceola would be required to pay for services like firefighting, which Disney currently covers, and would be on the hook for Reedy Creek’s roughly $1 billion in outstanding bond debt. In other words, DeSantis’s act of revenge would not only punish a private company for condemning his anti-LGBTQ+ law, it would likely punish Florida residents too, whose property taxes would go through the roof. Which is a pretty wild thing for a governor to do, particularly one from a party that talks a big game about “cutting taxes” and “free speech.” But all of this might be moot anyway, because Disney apparently knows Florida’s laws better than DeSantis and has said that actually, he can??t do jack unless he pays off Reedy Creek’s debts first, and until then, it’ll be business as usual in Mouse Town.

In a statement to its bondholders, reported by CNN, the Reedy Creek Improvement District pointed out that the 1967 state law establishing Disney’s special district states that Florida “will not in any way impair the rights or remedies of the holders…until all such bonds together with interest thereon, and all costs and expenses in connection with any act or proceeding by or on behalf of such holders, are fully met and discharged.” In other words, DeSantis’s attempt to dissolve the district is illegal unless he coughs up $1 billion first and because of that, Reedy Creek told bondholders, it’s not going anywhere.
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2022/04/ron-desantis-disney-reedy-creek-debt




Yeah, Ron DeSantis forgot about that little detail, didn’t he? Reedy Creek is a whopping $1 BILLION in debt. You heard me. ONE BILLION IN DEBT. So that means if Reedy Creek is dissolved and the state of Florida takes over that district, then someone has to foot the bill. And that someone is most likely going to be the Florida taxpayers. Again, why does anyone vote for these clowns? And why would Disney leave Florida? If anything, DeSantis just did them a huge favor and gave them a billion dollar tax break. But yeah… Fox News is going to keep us fighting with each other, while the billionaires run off to the bank, and you’d better not go against the cult. Crap even Asa is having an independent thought.

The “revenge” political attack on Disney by Florida’s Republican governor, Ron DeSantis, for opposing his “don’t say gay” law violates the party’s mantra of restrained government, his counterpart in Arkansas said.

DeSantis and Asa Hutchinson could be rivals for the Republican presidential nomination in 2024. On Sunday, Hutchinson laid out his position on CNN’s State of the Union.

“I don’t believe that government should be punitive against private businesses because we disagree with them,” the Arkansas governor said, referring to the law DeSantis signed last week dissolving Disney’s 55-year right to self-government through its special taxing district in Florida.

“That’s not the right approach … to me it’s the old Republican principle of having a restrained government.”

Critics have criticised DeSantis for escalating his feud with the theme park giant, his state’s largest private employer, over the “don’t say gay” law, which bans classroom discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity in certain grades.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/01/ron-desantis-disney-republican-principles-governor-asa-hutchinson





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[font size="8"]Vladimir Putin
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It's been two months since the start of Vladimir Putin’s illegal and immoral invasion and occupation of the Ukraine. And we’ve been wondering – where does it all end? Where is it going? Well we do have the short answer to this: he ain’t stopping. We also have an even shorter version than that: war were declared. That’s right – Pooty plans to declare a full out war against the Ukraine relatively soon, and he’s not stopping at the Ukraine. Oh no, my friends. Like your favorite baseball player hitting a home run, he plans to GO ALL THE WAY!!!! And really what’s to stop Pooty from conquering all of Europe? Well that answer is a lot more complex, and way too crazy for our crappy little program to be able to begin to comprehend. But as we’ve been doing through this terrible time in humanity, when we have a raging out of control virus and a raging out of control warlord who has access to nuclear weapons, we’ll do our best to power through this shit. But you know what? Why do I get this weird feeling that I do not trust a single word of what Putin says?

Western officials think President Vladimir Putin may formally declare war on Ukraine on May 9, Russia's "Victory Day," a move that could see thousands more troops sent to Ukraine and bloodshed intensified.

Since ordering troops into Ukraine on February 24, Putin has euphemistically referred to the invasion as a "special military operation," claiming Russian troops were there to liberate the Ukrainian people from what he called a neo-Nazi government.

However, Russia has in recent weeks abandoned its primary plan to seize all of Ukraine following a series of major setbacks and heavy casualties, with Western officials now believing its sole focus is taking the Donbas, an eastern region largely controlled by pro-Kremlin separatists since 2014.

But Western officials think Putin may use May 9 — the annual Russian celebration of the surrender of Nazi forces in at the end of World War II — to declare war on Ukraine, meaning Putin could call up tens of thousands of reserve troops to fight.
https://www.businessinsider.com/putin-may-formally-declare-war-ukraine-may-9-western-officials-2022-5




Don’t think it’s that easy. But the whole world is waiting to see if Putin is going to formally declare war on the Ukraine and is going to be waiting with a response – and it will be one that he guarantee will not like. Probably the only way this ends at this point is with him turning up dead in a basement bunker somewhere in Russia. But that being said, watch out world. One nightmare is over, but a new one is just beginning! Sheesh I feel like the people who say that we won’t be experiencing World War III in our lifetime probably will experience it starting next week!

It is day 70 of Putin’s war in Ukraine, but at least in Russia, the war isn’t official just yet—Russian leadership has continued to tout the invasion as a “special military operation.”

But that might all change on Victory Day, the day Russia celebrates the Soviet Union’s victory in World War II. Russian President Vladimir Putin is preparing to declare war against Ukraine on Victory Day, May 9, western and Ukrainian officials believe.

Putin will be declaring a full mobilization for war on May 9, Ukraine’s top military spy, Kyrylo Budanov, predicted this week. U.S. officials are also warning that Russia could declare war as soon as May 9, CNN reported.

Some senior U.S. officials fear Putin will massively escalate attacks on Ukraine in the coming days. Senior Biden administration officials are growing increasingly concerned that Putin is growing desperate to declare any sort of win in Ukraine as Victory Day approaches.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/biden-officials-warn-of-new-ukraine-nightmare-as-vladimir-putin-hits-peak-desperation




So you might be thinking “Wait, isn’t the Ukraine Army kicking Putin’s ass? Didn’t he not think this through enough?”. And I answer you good sir / madam – 1. Yes. 2. No. In fact the war in the Ukraine is so poorly thought out that if Putin were to formally declare war on the Ukraine, it would backfire on him big time. And the other question on the table – what’s going on May 9th? Well that answer is – it’s very complicated. Why would Putin use the victory of World War II to start World War III? It’s criminally insane, and he doesn’t have a lot of options.


Anticipation is building over whether that Vladimir Putin might use World War II victory celebrations on May 9 to put his country on a broader war footing, but one analyst has suggested that the Russian leader has run out of options to win in Ukraine.

The annual Victory Day celebrations in Moscow on Monday, to mark the end of what Russians call the Great Patriotic War, will see a lavish event in Red Square in which military hardware and troops will parade past Putin.

Two and a half months after invading Ukraine, what Russia says is a "special military operation" has gone badly and is beset by losses of troops, matériel and morale.

Still, there is speculation over whether Putin might use May 9 to bolster his campaign, either by declaring victory or announcing greater participation among the Russian population.
https://www.newsweek.com/russia-ukraine-war-putin-zelensky-barbashin-1703314




Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That one never gets old! What’s next for Pooty? Well he’s planning on attending the G20 Summit in Jakarta this year. And he’s not going to be exactly what one might refer to as “welcome” there. Remember that scene in the Dictator when General Aladeen goes into that restaurant that’s full of people who he ex-communicated and want him dead? Yeah if Putin actually shows up at G20, this might be the literal real life equivalent of that scene!

The Pentagon said Friday that Russian President Vladimir Putin "absolutely shouldn't" take part in this year's G20 summit in Indonesia.

"He [Putin] has isolated Russia by his own actions and should continue to be isolated by the international community," Pentagon Press Secretary John Kirby said during an appearance on CNN.

Kirby said he believes it's "inappropriate" for the international community to "keep treating Russia as if things are normal, because [they're] not," referring to Putin's decision on February 24 to invade Ukraine.

"Putin has isolated himself and he should still continue to suffer the consequences of his actions in Ukraine," the spokesman said.

Kirby declined to comment on whether the Biden administration viewed inviting Putin to attend the G20 summit at the Indonesian resort island of Bali this fall as a "mistake."
https://www.newsweek.com/vladimir-putin-not-welcome-g20-summit-conference-pentagon-inappropriate-1702142





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[font size="8"]That Former Guy
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We’ve largely been trying to avoid talking about the Former Guy’s rallies lately. But they’re getting weirder and weirder. Never mind that he’s turned Mar-A-Lago into some kind of weird Studio 54 for conspiracy theory extremists. But with the 2022 midterms coming up, we have to talk about the kinds of candidates that he’s attracting and endorsing. Now here’s the thing – it’s probably a good thing that Trump is avoiding major cities and holding them in the middle of nowhere. Because then we get pictures coming out of the rallies that look like this:




That’s real! Seriously, these are the people who have the nerve to call us “sheep”. Here’s the thing Trump fans – major cities are where people live. I go to Chicago and Seattle and Baltimore and Cleveland and Detroit and New York and Washington DC. Would I go to Cullin, Alabama, or Selma, North Carolina, or Delaware, Ohio? Not on a bet! Trump’s last rally drew 3,000 people. Or as we call it in LA, a “minor traffic incident on the 405 northbound”. But it draw this guy:

Railing against the political establishment in front of a crowd of more than 3,000 people on Sunday, Charles Herbster cast himself as an outsider running with the blessing of former President Donald Trump.

In a wide-ranging speech that lasted about 25 minutes, Herbster said he was ready to "take back Nebraska" from elites entrenched in the state's political leadership.

"The establishment has taken control of the state of Nebraska and the Nebraska Republican Party and they are trying to scare me out of this race," Herbster said, without mentioning any names specifically.

"It's not going to happen."

Eight women, including a sitting state senator and former legislative staff member, have accused Herbster of groping them or forcing himself onto them at political events going back to 2019.
https://journalstar.com/news/state-and-regional/govt-and-politics/trump-defends-endorses-herbster-at-rescheduled-nebraska-rally/article_6891c823-967d-53c6-aab3-e771407e7c8c.html




Boy, MAGA sure has a type don’t they? And by the way in case you’re wondering why Trump likes this guy, remember what we keep saying about how ass grabbers of a feather flock together? That’s right – he’s had multiple accusations of sexual harassment against him! Yeah right now my eyeballs are rolling about as far back in my head as possible. But if you’re going to lay down the accusations, you’d better be able to stand up to the MAGA cult. Because they’re armed and angry and they’re coming for every election. No independent thoughts allowed here!

Nebraska Republican state Sen. Julie Slama said she was “in shock” when Donald Trump-endorsed gubernatorial candidate Charles Herbster allegedly put his hand “up my dress” at a GOP dinner.

Slama detailed what she has described as an “assault” in 2019 in an interview Thursday, the day the Nebraska Examiner reported that she and seven other women had accused the Republican businessman of groping them.

“As I was ... walking to my table, I felt a hand reach up my skirt, up my dress and the hand was Charles Herbster’s,” Slama said in an interview on News Radio KFAB in Omaha. “I was in shock. I was mortified. It’s one of the most traumatizing things I’ve ever been through.”

Slama added: “I watched as five minutes later he grabbed the buttocks of another young woman. ... This was witnessed by several people at the event.”

https://www.yahoo.com/news/senator-shock-trump-backed-neb-031222994.html




And by the way where are Trump supporters getting their money from? Some are traveling from rally to rally like they’re in some kind of group that used to follow around the Grateful Dead. At least with the Grateful Dead, they had pot, LSD, and beer at their shows. What does Trump have at his shows? I am guessing maybe Ivermectin and bath salts? But this is one of those things where I think it’s really time to start following the money. Because the longer these rallies go on, the more we enable this guy. If we took away their money they might have to, I don’t know, get real jobs?

The risk of severe weather canceled a Trump rally in Nebraska that drew a crowd from across the country.

In a statement announcing the postponement, the man who held rallies during a pandemic said that the safety of his supporters was his top priority.

"Thank you to all who waited in line for our Save America Rally tonight in Greenwood, Nebraska. Because of severe weather, including the possibility of 60 mph+ wind, hailstorms, and maybe even tornadoes, I will not be coming to Nebraska tonight, but rather, weather permitting, will be there this Sunday night, May 1st. The most important thing is to keep you safe, and that cannot be done with such a terrible forecast,"

Some Trump supporters have been traveling from rally to rally, touring the country in a manner similar to that made famous by devotees of the Grateful Dead.

"Prior to the postponement, the parking lot was filling up around 8 a.m. on Friday. Walking through the parking lot, you saw plates from Texas, Illinois, Iowa, California and even Canada," KLKN-TV reported.
https://www.salon.com/2022/05/01/supporters-flock-to-canceled-nebraska-rally_partner/




Wow, I’m shocked that Trump actually cares about the safety of his rally goers. He’s the kind of guy who would hold a rally in the middle of a tornado while claiming that only stupid losers followed the weather warnings, and then his supporters would go threaten the weather reporters. They really are that predictable, aren’t they? And if you’re wondering what the next rally he’s doing, or the next batshit crazy candidate he’s endorsing, just look at what’s going on with his Ohio rally. And by the way that guy from the earlier article who said he wanted to give his son a political education? You might want to read up on the kind of quality candidate he’s endorsing.

Former President Donald Trump visited Ohio on Saturday to tout his chosen candidates for U.S. Senate and a slate of local congressional races for the upcoming primary election.

Trump began speaking shortly before 7 p.m. at the Delaware County Fairgrounds, a venue he visited during his 2016 election bid. The former president last came to Ohio in June 2021.

The rally came 10 days before Ohio's May 3 primary during a crowded and contentious GOP Senate primary race. There are seven Republicans vying for the chance to replace retiring Sen. Rob Portman.

After months of speculation on whether Trump would endorse in the Senate race, he announced his backing of candidate J.D. Vance just last week.

The endorsement has garnered criticism because of past remarks Vance has made about Trump, including text messages that have resurfaced from a former roommate.
https://www.dispatch.com/story/news/politics/2022/04/23/live-donald-trump-holds-save-america-rally-delaware-ohio/7408777001/





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[font size="8"]Sean Hannity
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So one of the biggest questions in regards to the January 6th Insurrection that is on everyone’s mind is – what the hell would have happened if they had succeeded? And also what was Fox News planning to do that day if they had? The latter question is what we’re here to report on for this entry. The thing is we know Fox News had their hands in an attempted coup of the United States government. And one individual we know in particular was very close to Trump and many people know him to be the Joseph Goebbles of the Trump administration. Yes, Sean Hannity that’s you. But there’s a ton of questions that the Committee wants to know about Sean Hannity’s involvement in the January 6th uprising. But you know what? At least we got one answer. Even Hannity, Trump’s mouthpiece himself, is concerned about the lunatics taking over the party. Hey Hannity, Fox News enabled and continues to enable these lunatics. You don’t get to weasel your way out of this one! Look, we all know that Trump is a crazy lunatic himself. Those of us who aren’t members of the News Corp. cult can see it. But you and Trump enable these lunatics, and Trump attracts crazy people to his cause. I mean look at Marjorie Greene and Tommy Tuberville.

Fox News host Sean Hannity exchanged more than 80 texts messages with Mark Meadows, then-President Donald Trump's White House chief of staff, between Election Day 2020 and President Biden's inauguration.

According to messages released Friday by CNN, Hannity supported Trump's baseless claims of widespread voter fraud, telling Meadows it was "mathematically impossible" for Biden to have received as many votes as he had.

Hannity, whom CNN described as a "shadow chief of staff" to Trump, also warned Meadows about some of the "fing lunatics" pushing the then-president's stolen election claims. "They are NOT helping [Trump]. I'm fed up with these people," Hannity wrote on Dec. 22, 2020.

Hannity did not mention who these "lunatics" were, but he may have been referring to attorney Sidney Powell, who repeatedly made bizarre and false claims that corrupt voting machine companies had switched millions of votes from Trump to Biden. The day before Hannity sent his message, The New York Times reported that Powell had visited the White House "for [the] third time in four days," despite Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani's previous attempts to distance the Trump campaign from Powell.
https://theweek.com/news/1013242/rock-roll-hall-of-fame-inductees-include-dolly-parton-who-asked-not-to-be-considered




Oh it gets weirder. We all know that Sean Hannity is the ultimate conservative yes man – he will say yes to anything involving a conservative agenda no matter how evil it is. It’s truly scary that the party that defended the US against the Taliban is now turning into the Taliban themselves. Really think about it – there’s increasingly no discernable difference between today’s Christian right and the Taliban. So that being said, that was kind of a weird segue but if the MAGA cabal had succeeded and taken over the government on January 6th, Sean Hannity would have been Trump’s mouthpiece, literally.

We all knew Sean Hannity was doing the bidding of the Trump administration. We found out Monday he was doing it literally.

CNN on Monday published a slew of text messages between Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows and prominent Republican lawmakers and conservative figures — including Hannity. The Jan. 6 committee has already released several texts exchanged between Meadows and Hannity, but the ones released Monday are particularly striking, demonstrating just how firmly the White House had Hannity secured under its thumb.

“Hey. NC gonna be ok?” Hannity wrote Meadows last Nov. 3, asking whether Meadows’ home state of North Carolina was going to go to Trump.

“Stress every vote matters,” Meadows replied. “Get out and vote. On radio.”

“Yes sir,” Hannity wrote. “On it. Any place in particular we need a push”

Meadows pointed to Pennsylvania, Arizona, and Nevada, in addition to North Carolina. “Got it,” Hannity responded. “Everywhere.”
https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/sean-hannity-took-orders-mark-meadows-1342525/




But for our military friends out there, you know there’s that one guy in the troop who kisses the sarge’s ass no matter how terrible of a job he does? Yeah Sean Hannity is that guy. I mean let’s think about this for a minute here. We’ve reported that Hannity has literally had good night phone calls with Trump (see: Top 10 #4-15 ). But now we know what Hannity really thinks of President Biden – and well come on. Have you seen your favorite former president lately? The guy is completely off his rocker.

Following President Donald Trump's election loss, Fox News host Sean Hannity privately vented to then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows about election fraud claims and insulted then-President-elect Joe Biden.

In a text message sent to Meadows on December 12, 2020 — over a month after the election — Hannity expressed his support for Trump and disdain for Biden, and repeated conspiracy theories that the election was rigged.

"I truly feel sorry for our friend. He's never had a days peace. On the other side of this, he's exposed a very dark side of the swamp that's far worse than I ever imagined and I am not particularly optimistic for the future," Hannity said of Trump to Meadows, according to a text message CNN published on Friday.

"Biden is a semi conscious corpse, and he will be controlled by a very radical left wing element," the Fox News anchor continued.
https://www.businessinsider.in/politics/world/news/sean-hannity-privately-described-biden-as-a-semi-conscious-corpse-and-said-hes-not-particularly-optimistic-for-the-future/articleshow/91191940.cms




Yeah shut up! Come on, I could pull literally any number of clips from a Trump rally in the last couple of weeks. The dude could barely hold onto a glass and allegedly wears diapers. And have you seen him attempt to drive a car? Laughable. So yeah we all know who the preferred president of Fox News is, and they side with Shithead Squadron. But this is the even scarier part of Hannity’s text reveal – there was talk of martial law. Yes, the Q Anon fantasy of Trump enacting martial law would have come true, if they had succeeded. That’s some seriously scary shit. But of course it would be enacted by people who can’t even spell “martial law”.

Lawyers representing voters challenging the candidacy of U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene want to introduce new evidence they say undermines Greene’s testimony in a state hearing last month.

The attorneys say a text message from Greene to White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows sent Jan. 17, 2021, in the wake of the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol show Greene was less than honest in her responses during cross examination.

“In our private chat with only Members, several are saying the only way to save our Republic is for Trump to call for Marshall law (sic),” she said in a message first published by CNN. “I don’t know on those things. I just wanted you to tell him. They stole this election. We all know. They will destroy our country next. Please tell him to declassify as much as possible so we can go after Biden and anyone else!”

Former President Donald Trump has sought to discredit President Joe Biden’s 2020 election victory but has produced no evidence backing his claims. In the days between the election and Biden’s inauguration, top Trump aides reportedly suggested declaring martial law and deploying the military to conduct a new election, an unconstitutional act which would have been unprecedented in American history.
https://www.gpb.org/news/2022/05/03/voters-suing-block-marjorie-taylor-greene-ballot-want-marshall-law-text-considered





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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: The Weird World Of Marjorie Taylor Greene
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated. How do you like our new set, everybody? It’s a preview because this August we’re celebrating 5 years of this segment! Yeah how about that? Time flies doesn’t it? Well anyway in our quest to find out what makes the Christian right tick, we generally tend to look at the bigger picture here. But today we’re looking at a much smaller one. And focusing on a really terrible member of the Christian right, specifically. I’m of course talking about Georgia’s Marjorie Taylor Greene, who’s a fundamentalist Chris tian and extremist member of the Q Anon / conspiracy theory wing of the GOP. We’ve normally tried to avoid talking about this individual given how toxic and off the wall batshit crazy she is. But this week after she’s said some ridiculous theories about the church, we feel that we can no longer avoid her. Because when you start talking shit about the church, or you say some ridiculously batshit crazy stuff, that’s when you wind up on our little program. And whew, it’s only going to get weirder.

Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene has said Satan is responsible for inducing women to have abortions by selling the procedure and whispering into their ears and "into your soul."

The Republican, who represents Georgia's 14th congressional district, made the comments in an interview with right-wing Catholic activist Michael Voris of the website Church Militant.

Greene's conversation with Voris had previously made headlines when she claimed the Roman Catholic Church was controlled by Satan as she slammed the Church's position on undocumented migrants.

During a section of the April 21 interview that focused on abortion and is now gaining attention, Greene told Voris: "Abortion is a lie that Satan sells to women. He sells it to 'em."
https://www.newsweek.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-satan-sells-abortion-women-1702408




Yeah so not only did Ms. Greene not back off of her controversial comments, she doubled down on them! She literally is the world’s biggest Facebook troll right now. Because that’s what happens when supporters of the unholy, ungodly Dark One get elected! I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name dare NOT be spoken in my church! And how dare people have differing opinions about religion? Well no because that’s how vile and toxic Marjorie is, and it’s truly terrifying where this party is headed.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene claimed that Satan manipulates women into getting abortions.

"It's whispered, softly and gently, into your ears and into your soul," the congresswoman said in a TV interview with Catholic activist Michael Voris this week.

The Georgia Rep. said that Satan tells women "it's okay" to get an abortion and in exchange promises them "all these dreams that you have in your heart. And that's how Satan sells a sin, and that's how he sells abortion. He tells a woman that all you have to do is you're just going to go to this clinic, just going to get it over with, you know," she said.

"And then you're going to, that guy, he's going to stay with you, that boyfriend or the guy, whoever he is, he's going to marry you, sweep you off your feet."
https://www.businessinsider.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-satan-manipulates-women-into-getting-abortions-2022-4




No, Marjorie, it’s not SAYTAN! It’s supporters of the Dark One and their opposition to proper sex education! I mean think about it – look at the states where the abortion rate is high and sex education is low. It’s not that hard to see the cause and effect here. Now this is where things really start to take a turn because we don’t think Ms. Greene speaks for the church. She definitely does not do what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want now is it? No, she worships the unholy, ungodly Dark One! And all of the evil that he brings! So if we extrapolate, does that mean that Ms. Greene worships the devil?

Last Thursday, on the eve of testifying in a lawsuit that seeks to prevent her from running for re-election, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, the legendary or notorious Georgia Republican, granted an hourlong interview in her home to an unlikely outlet: the far-right Catholic news organization Church Militant, which for years has positioned itself as one of the noisiest and most outlandish partisans in the Roman Catholic Church's ongoing fight with itself. Greene is an evangelical Protestant, not a Catholic, but Church Militant is making the most of this opportunity, and has featured segments of the interview all week, starting with its opening video on Monday, entitled "Marjorie for Pope."

In the interview, Greene rehashed old beefs, described herself as a victim of Jan. 6, said the United States is so sinful she doesn't understand "why God hasn't destroyed us" and — most exciting for Church Militant — suggested that Satan is controlling the Catholic Church.

That might sound like a claim that would offend most Catholics, but Church Militant is not most Catholics. Originally founded as Real Catholic TV by former CBS News producer Michael Voris in 2008 to offer a more orthodox depiction of Mother Church than is found in pop culture fare like "The Da Vinci Code," the organization grew increasingly strident and at odds with the formal church, until the Archdiocese of Detroit, where it's located, successfully blocked it from using the word "Catholic" in the outlet's name.
https://www.salon.com/2022/04/27/marjorie-taylor-greene-to-right-wing-catholic-site-how-come-god-hasnt-destroyed-america/




Yes that’s right! Not today, SAYTAN! For you must stand up to the good LAWRD JAYSUS! But that said, you know that our Good Book says that lying is a sin! But not in the eyes of Marjorie Greene, because she says some ridiculously crazy stuff. But when put under oath? She can’t remember any of it, that’s exactly a play in the far right playbook. It’s always someone else’s fault. Or it was a false flag. Or it just didn’t happen. Well, Marjorie, you do not represent the interests of the church. You represent some very high and mighty extremist thinking! Does that make them the Taliban?

Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia has clarified why she said that "Satan" is in control of the Catholic Church following pushback from a Catholic advocacy group.

Greene said "Satan's controlling the church, the church is not doing its job" in a comment on the church's support for undocumented immigrants during a recent interview with right-wing activist Michael Voris of the website Church Militant. After a clip of Greene's comments circulated online Wednesday, Catholic League President Bill Donohue said that she had "slandered" Catholics and demanded that she apologize.

In a long statement shared on Twitter soon after, Greene refused Donohue's demand for an apology, while issuing an apology demand of her own.

"The Catholic League's Bill Donohue accused me of slandering Catholics and Catholicism in an interview I gave to Michael Voris at Church Militant," Greene said. "Nothing could be further from the truth, and he must apologize promptly and publicly for these words."
https://www.newsweek.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-clarifies-how-satan-controlling-catholic-church-1701596




So, my fair congregation, that’s the twisted world of Rep. Greene in a nutshell. She does not represent the church, she’s just a social media troll. Don’t expect this story to go away either. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]People Who Somehow Got Elected: Madison Cawthorn

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Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:



This week – North Carolina’s Madison Cawthorn (Q – Batshit). How did this guy get elected? Well it’s easy – it’s because he’s clean cut, appears at churches and says what the MAGA crowd wants to hear from a political candidate. But that’s about it. He may be nice on the surface but deep down he’s got a very ugly side. Well in fact he may be the Kevin Spacey of the MAGA movement. That’s right – we just compared Cawthorn to Kevin Spacey. And there’s a reason for that is because not only is he batshit crazy, but he’s got some… hidden tendencies. As comedian Bill Hicks once said, anyone that far to the right is hiding a deep, dark secret. Of course Mr. Hicks never met anyone as crazy and far to the right as Madison Cawthorn or Marjorie Taylor Greene, both of which we’re certain that they may have actual skeletons in their closets. But Madison Cawthorn may be in a whole heap of trouble over his latest scandal, but he’s a white male conservative, so nothing bad will probably ever happen to him, but actual GOP representatives are desperately trying to get rid of him.

New video of scandal-ridden GOP Rep Madison Cawthorn having his crotch felt by a close male friend and staff member is at the center of a complaint calling for an investigation into him and filed with the Office of Congressional Ethics today, DailyMail.com can reveal.

The extraordinary footage, obtained exclusively by DailyMail.com and seen here for the first time today, shows Cawthorn, 26, in a car with his close aide and his scheduler Stephen Smith, 23.

Cawthorn sits in the driver's seat apparently filmed by Smith as he adopts an exaggerated accent and says, 'I feel the passion and desire and would like to see a naked body beneath my hands.'

The camera then pans back to Smith who says, 'Me too' as Cawthorn can be heard laughing. Smith then films himself reaching his hand over and into Cawthorn's crotch

Read more: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10764209/GOP-Rep-Madison-Cawthorn-caught-video-male-staff-members-hand-crotch.html




Remember when that show was great? We miss those times. House Of Cards was a show where you actually wanted to root for the bad guy, and Kevin Spacey’s character in that show was a very, very bad guy. And not only does Mr. Cawthorn have some very creepy tendencies, he acts them out in more ways than one. So not only has he been seen with male staffers?? hands on his crotch, some very incriminating photos of him recently surfaced. Again, it looks like he’s so toxic that the GOP is desperately trying to get rid of him. We smell a potential scandal brewing here.

Photographs obtained by POLITICO appear to show Madison Cawthorn, the embattled Republican congressman from North Carolina who recently accused his GOP colleagues of inviting him to orgies, wearing lingerie in what appears to be a party setting.

Cawthorn, 26, was raised in a conservative Baptist community in Henderson County, North Carolina, and has staked his political persona on arch-traditional Christian principles and the insistence of the importance of a kind of hypermasculinity. His comments about “the sexual perversion” in Washington made on a podcast, which he later admitted were exaggerated, drew the public disapproval and disavowal of Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy as well as other Republican leaders including those in his North Carolina congressional caucus.

The revelation of the two photos is the latest in a series of unflattering headlines for the freshman member of Congress in the run-up to the primary in his first re-election bid. The primary in North Carolina is May 17. Cawthorn has seven Republican opponents who see him as vulnerable.

Cawthorn, who was paralyzed from the waist down as a passenger in a car accident in Florida in 2014, in recent months has called Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy a “thug,” suggested teetotaling Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has a drinking problem, and racked up a collection of traffic transgressions including speeding, driving with expired tags and driving with a revoked license. He has court dates in May and June.

Read more: https://www.politico.com/news/2022/04/22/madison-cawthorn-photos-00027286




Yeah so that happened. But with congressional idiots like Madison Cawthorn, Marjorie Greene, Paul Gosar, and Lauren Boebert, it seems like the GOP is trying to get its’ own version of someone like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar. But they don’t have anyone like that, so they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel. Not only is Madison Cawthorn knee deep in scandal regarding his personal life, his professional one may be in jeopardy too. Because it seems that people are catching onto the fact that he's a habitual liar. In fact, that makes him not only quality MAGA material but also a key player in the House Of Cards. Ha, quality MAGA material. Like there is such a thing.

A former district staffer for North Carolina Rep. Madison Cawthorn has called the lawmaker a "bad person" and a "habitual liar."

"As far as the candidate himself, I mean, he's just a bad person," said former Cawthorn staffer Lisa Wiggins in a secretly recorded phone call with David Wheeler, the president of a political action committee called "Fire Madison Cawthorn."

"He's a habitual liar and he's going to say and do anything he can to your face but behind your back, he's completely opposite," she added.

While the recording was made without Wiggins' knowledge, North Carolina has a "one-party consent" wiretapping law that allows one party to record calls without the other party's knowledge.

The recording was uploaded to the Fire Madison Cawthorn PAC's website on Monday and subsequently reported on by Smoky Mountain News, a local media outlet.
https://news.yahoo.com/





Of course, because totalitarianism is so much easier. And that’s where the GOP seems to be headed. So while Madison may be a making of the GOP’s own design and he won’t be the last, that’s for damn sure, we can guarantee one thing. Until the voters of NC-14 decide that he’s too toxic for them to continue to be their representative, he will be embroiled in scandal after scandal. Because that’s how the MAGA crowd rolls. We can’t get rid of these people, but we can see them fall slowly down the proverbial rabbit hole of scandals.

In his short time in Congress, firebrand Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) has been embroiled in controversies that involve everything from lying about his biography to abusing staffers to partying in lingerie. Now, Cawthorn can add an alleged crypto scam to his resumé.

On Tuesday, the Washington Examiner reported that multiple watchdog groups have accused Cawthorn of colluding in a crypto pump-and-dump scheme involving the short-lived Let's Go Brandon cryptocurrency, known as LGB.

"LGB legends. ... Tomorrow we go to the moon!" Cawthorn posted on Instagram in late December, a day before the value of the currency soared after a NASCAR driver said LGB would be his primary sponsor.

The driver, Brandon Brown, became famous last year for his association with "Let's Go Brandon," which has become a coded expletive in Republican circles to insult President Biden.
https://decrypt.co/98750/gop-congressman-cawthorn-accused-lets-go-brandon-crypto-pump-dump




So there you have it – insider trading in a memecoin scheme, habitual lying and some potentially incriminating sex scandals. That’s North Carolina’s Madison Cawthorn, yet another politician who we can add to the inexplicably ever growing list of:




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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment where we attempt to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! In these trying times, when we have a brewing war and a raging pandemic, people often turn to conspiracy theories when they just don’t want to read past the headlines. We are of course coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter deep in the New Mexico badlands! In an undisclosed location of course! Let me just adjust my tin foil hat for maximum government interference… they are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all… ah there we go! This week it’s come to my attention that some very far right MAGA operatives are attempting to sabotage voting systems at the state and even local levels in a bizarre attempt to overthrow the 2020 election. Which they are currently attempting to do at about the same rate as Wiley Coyote attempting to catch the Road Runner. In today’s GOP the inmates really are being let out of the asylum. Here’s more.

Eighteen months after Donald Trump lost the White House, loyal supporters continue to falsely assert that compromised balloting machines across America robbed him of the 2020 election.

To stand up that bogus claim, some Trump die-hards are taking the law into their own hands – by attempting, with some success, to compromise the voting systems themselves.

Previously unreported surveillance video captured one such effort in August in the rural Colorado town of Kiowa. Footage obtained by Reuters through a public-records request shows Elbert County Clerk Dallas Schroeder, the county’s top election official, fiddling with cables and typing on his phone as he copied computer drives containing sensitive voting information.

Schroeder, a Republican, later testified that he was receiving instructions on how to copy the system’s data from a retired Air Force colonel and political activist bent on proving Trump lost because of fraud.
https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-election-breaches/




God imagine having that guy as your lawyer! But oh no my friends, this isn’t some mere plot to overturn the election. It’s a plot to undermine democracy. Make no mistake that the MAGA movement isn’t on our side. They say they want freedom while they secretly lust for a totalitarian authoritarian dictatorship. It’s truly frightening where this party is headed. But it’s no accident that MAGA is installing their operatives in election sites and at voting machine companies. Oh it’s all – as the Joker says – it’s all part of the plan!

Technically, the next attempt to overthrow a national election may not qualify as a coup. It will rely on subversion more than violence, although each will have its place. If the plot succeeds, the ballots cast by American voters will not decide the presidency in 2024. Thousands of votes will be thrown away, or millions, to produce the required effect. The winner will be declared the loser. The loser will be certified president-elect.

The prospect of this democratic collapse is not remote. People with the motive to make it happen are manufacturing the means. Given the opportunity, they will act. They are acting already.

Who or what will safeguard our constitutional order is not apparent today. It is not even apparent who will try. Democrats, big and small D, are not behaving as if they believe the threat is real. Some of them, including President Joe Biden, have taken passing rhetorical notice, but their attention wanders. They are making a grievous mistake.

“The democratic emergency is already here,” Richard L. Hasen, a professor of law and political science at UC Irvine, told me in late October. Hasen prides himself on a judicious temperament. Only a year ago he was cautioning me against hyperbole. Now he speaks matter-of-factly about the death of our body politic. “We face a serious risk that American democracy as we know it will come to an end in 2024,” he said, “but urgent action is not happening.”
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2022/01/january-6-insurrection-trump-coup-2024-election/620843/




Here’s the thing – this whole campaign to undermine voting systems in an attempt to declare election results fraudulent if the MAGA cult doesn’t get their way? It’s no accident. It’s part of a campaign spearheaded by – you guessed it – Mike Lindell! Yes, we all laughed when he talked for 3 days straight into an empty room, but was really strategy planning. The Jan. 6th insurrection didn’t just happen overnight – there was a lot of planning involved. The upcoming midterm elections? They’re just a test launch to see if his program works or not.

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell touted a new "historical" lawsuit he helped file in Arizona on Friday to prevent the southwestern state from utilizing machines to tabulate votes in upcoming elections.

Arizona state Representative Mark Finchem, a Republican, who is running to become the state's secretary of state in the 2022 midterms, and Kari Lake, a former television news journalist, who is running as a Republican to become the state's governor, filed the lawsuit with the backing of Lindell. They contend that the machines are vulnerable to hacking.

"Yesterday was a historical day in history—in the history of America," Lindell asserted during an interview with Right Side Broadcasting Network (RSBN) ahead of former President Donald Trump's rally in Ohio on Saturday. "We filed the first preliminary injunction in the state of Arizona to get rid of the machines once and for all."

The pro-Trump businessman, who has been a key promoter of baseless claims that the 2020 election was "rigged" or "stolen" from the former president, said that this lawsuit was the first of "many." Lindell explained that he hopes to launch similar lawsuits in all 50 states.
https://www.newsweek.com/mike-lindell-touts-historical-new-voting-machine-lawsuit-trump-rally-1700355




Well if there’s anyone who needs to be locked behind padded walls, it’s Mike Lindell. That dude is seriously a couple of beers short of a six pack. So not only is MAGA getting into the election offices, they’re also getting into the election cycle. Consider batshit crazy candidates like Kari Lake of Arizona or Charles Herbster of Nebraska. The candidates are out there, they’re real, and they’re every bit as crazy as you might think. The MAGA movement isn’t dying, folks. It’s gaining momentum. And it’s being spearheaded by idiots like this. Don’t think for a minute that Mike Lindell is squandering his money away foolishly. You know the old saying – a f ool and his money are soon parted. But, as the MAGAs say, you got to trust the plan!

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, a staunch supporter of former President Donald Trump, said that he's now spent some $35 million of his own money attempting to prove that President Joe Biden's 2020 election win was fraudulent.

Trump and his allies, such as Lindell, continue to claim that Biden only won the last presidential election due to "widespread fraud" or "hacking" of election machines. Although many supporters believe the conspiracy theory, no evidence has emerged corroborating the allegations.

Lindell has been one of the key promoters of the false claims—traveling around the country to host and attend large events where many Trump supporters largely believe the misinformation. On Saturday, the pro-Trump businessman attended a rally for the former president at the Michigan Stars Sports Center in Washington Township, Michigan. Ahead of Trump's speech, Lindell spoke to Right Side Broadcasting Network (RSBN) about his ongoing efforts to prove Biden isn't the legitimate president.
https://www.newsweek.com/mike-lindell-says-hes-spent-35m-fighting-trump-election-fraud-claims-1694494





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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Hey everyone! I don’t know about you but I could really use a drink!



So of course you know that the idea of this segment is that we have some drinks and while we’re having drinks we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because let’s face it, there’s a lot of really dark shit out there. And it’s about to get even darker. So let’s kick back with a glass of your favorite beverage and just relax, OK? The topic this week? Well, sorry ladies, but we have to talk about the male anatomy this week. And a particular part is getting a lot of bad press. So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about average penis size? Cream soda? I know there’s a joke there but I’m not touching that one with a 10 foot pole! I’ll just stick with my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So that being said, we need to talk some biology here. The fact of the matter of this study is… it’s not good. And being an American male, I of course have a vetted interest in this subject, but it’s for research purposes! Research purposes! And where’s my drink? But anyway here’s the gist of what’s happening.

If you’ve ever wondered which country has the largest average penis size then look no further, as a recent poll of 86 nations has ranked them all from biggest to smallest.

Online pharmacy From Mars used google data from 86 countries to conduct their study – and you might be surprised to hear their findings.

Pharmacist Navin Khosla, who reviewed the study, said: “Whether people are concerned about the size or the shape, or any other aspect for that matter, most of us have wondered at some point or another whether ours is big enough.”

“Penis size can have a massive impact on confidence and self-image,” he added.

So, which country came out trumps?

According to the study, men in Ecuador are the most well-endowed, with an average penis size of 6.93 inches when erect. This makes the measurement more than 10 percent of the average height.
https://www.ladbible.com/news/country-with-biggest-average-penis-size-in-the-world-revealed-20220418






I don’t think that wine glass is big enough! And speaking of things not being big enough… thank you, audience! See what I did there? You might be asking yourself “Where does the United States rank among the world’s largest penises?”. And I answer you - we didn’t even make the top 50. Yeah I know this article comes from the New York Post but I couldn’t find a more reliable source. But come on, we rank 59th? No wonder white American Christian males are so insecure! Guess Tucker’s Testicle Tanning doesn’t cut it, does it?

American men’s penises are only the 59th biggest in the world, a study reveals.

The average length of 5.35 inches is shorter than their Haitian, French, and Aussie counterparts.

The poll, of 86 nations, revealed that French men’s genitals are 6.20 inches in length, while Australia ranks 43rd at 5.69.

Men in Haiti have an average penis size of 6.30 inches when erect, according to the data.

Ecuadorian men apparently have the biggest penises, at an average of 6.95 inches, while the smallest can be found in Cambodia at just 3.95 inches long when erect.

Men in the US narrowly beat those in the UK as the average size recorded was 5.17 inches.
https://nypost.com/2022/04/18/american-mens-penises-are-only-the-59th-biggest-in-the-world/




Oh yeah that’s the good stuff! Oh and by the way, you might also be wondering – which country is most likely to lie about it’s penis size, average or not? The answer to that question is – Australia. That’s right, the Land Down Under has a huge problem with lying about its’ average size. Although in Australia they’re much more laid back than they are here. Maybe that’s because they might be bigger than the average? Or smaller? Or they just don’t care which is why they are lying about it. I don’t know, it could be all of the above.

According to the Daily Mail, researchers asked men to measure the length of their erect penis, while asking women how big their last sexual partner was while hard. The survey found that Australians are most prone to exaggeration — the men surveyed claimed an average of 7.09 inches, while the women reported an average of 5.58 inches, which is a pretty big discrepancy.

Like their Australian counterparts, American men also oversold their goods, reporting an average penis size of 7.3 inches. American women most decidedly do not agree with that assessment: They reported an average of 6.64 inches instead.

British men exaggerated a bit as well, with an average of 6.89 inches, while British women reported the same length as American women (6.6.4 inches). In contrast, Indian men underestimated the size of their penises, with Indian women claiming that the average penis size is 6.3 inches — .23 inches longer than the men reported.

Necessary caveat: Obviously, asking people to self-report data like this runs the risk of people either exaggerating, but also estimating and getting the information wrong. Plus all the respondents came from SaucyDates’ membership pool, so take the results with a heft dose of salt. That said, it is interesting how often men and women’s perceptions of penis size differed. The moral of the story: When it comes to penis size, honesty is probably the best policy.
https://www.menshealth.com.au/country-who-lies-about-penis-size/




Honesty is the best policy? Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh wait, you’re serious. Let me laugh even harder.… Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Honesty is the best policy…said literally no one ever when it comes to penis size. Trust me, I’m a guy, I have literally heard some of the dumbest shit ever said when it comes to the subject of penis size. And by the way in case you’re wondering which part of the body can also determine what the guy is like downstairs? Well look to the face! That’s right – it’s the only other part.

The scientists behind the Feb. 2021 study, which was published in the journal Basic and Clinical Andrology, were inspired by "the saying 'big nose, big hose,' [which] suggests that nose size indicates penile length." Since there was no scientific data to prove it, they set out to do the research themselves.

They looked at the lengths of the penises and noses of recently deceased adult men in Japan, ranging between the ages of 30 and 59. Penises were measured in a vertical, upright position to recreate an erection (a measurement called stretched penile length), and noses were measured from between the midpoint of the eyes down to the left or right side of the nose (whichever was longer). What they found was that "the average stretched penile length gradually increased in the longer nose size groups," leading the researchers to determine that the two measurements are "highly related."

"This study is the first to demonstrate the relationship between stretched penile length (SPL) and nose size but is limited in Japanese male cadavers, and the reason why SPL and nose size are related is still unclear. Therefore, we consider it an interesting subject to pursue from now on," the Japanese researchers wrote in their findings. "The fact that nose size is related to SPL indicates that penile length may not be determined by age, height or body weight, but has already been determined before birth."
https://bestlifeonline.com/penis-size-news/







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[font size="8"]Stupidest State 2022
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16 states will enter and only one state will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!


Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! Last week it was a wild one as Arizona challenged Georgia for the Batshit Conference crown and nearly gave them a run for the money. But Georgia finished strong with a 5 point advantage. This week it’s the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Finals as fan favorite #1 Kansas takes on scrappy challengers #3 Nebraska! We’re live in Seattle at the home of the NHL’s newest franchise, the Seattle Kraken , at the Climate Pledge Arena for all of the action action action! Let’s go to the floor, shall we?

[font size="4"]Fiscal Irresponsibility Championship: Kansas Vs Nebraska [/font]

[font size="2"]#1 Kansas [/font]


Kansas are the proverbial fan favorites in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference for a reason. They spend money. And not only that, they spend money that they don’t have. And it’s yet another state where Fox News has a massive stronghold on the people and even the electorate. Fox is so strong there that their talking points are becoming state policy, much like in Florida. In fact just to give you an idea of how insane the Kansas state legislature is, despite that they have a Dem governor, they try to pull shit like this.

An effort to ban transgender athletes from women’s sports failed Thursday after the House fell short on an attempt to override Gov. Laura Kelly’s veto of the bill.

The bill, a subject of significant debate the past two sessions, garnered 81 votes in favor, falling short of the 84 required a two-thirds majority vote to overturn the veto. On Tuesday, the Senate voted 28-10 to override Kelly’s veto of Senate Bill 160.

The House can reconsider the vote Thursday or the next day the body meets.

Republicans argue the bill is the best way to ensure fairness. They said transgender athletes in women’s sports have an unfair advantage compared with those assigned the female gender at birth. Opponents of the measure, predominantly Democrats, say the bill is hateful and political.

But as legislators returned for veto session, the debate about transgender identities shifted to new extremes. Rep. Stephanie Byers, a Wichita Democrat and the first transgender Kansas legislator, said the override vote was a decision between accepting and rejecting transgender Kansans’ identities.

Read more: https://www.washingtonblade.com/2022/04/28/kansas-house-fails-to-override-gov-s-veto-of-anti-trans-youth-sports-bill/




Now here’s where I say that Kansas spends money that they don’t have. Last time we pointed out that they are literally digging a $1 billion hole in their state. That’s right, you heard me. One billion dollars! So where does that hole go? Well the short answer is that nobody knows. The long answer is that once again, it’s complicated. It’s basically a giant well that’s supposed to hold water in case of a drought, but right now it’s a one billion mystery hole.

Back in 1878, the good folks at Greensburg decided that what they needed for economic growth was water. The railroad was coming, and the locomotives would need water to slake their iron thirst. But western Kansas is notoriously dry, and the Arkansas River was 20 miles away. So the Greensburg Water Supply and Hydraulic Power Company was organized. With a franchise from the city, the company spent $75,000 digging a well that was 109 feet deep and 32 feet in diameter. Using a complicated series of steam-powered hydraulics, the water was pumped to the surface and beyond, where it was stored in a 90-foot tower.

In the last few days, both chambers of the Kansas Legislature passed the APEX Act, which stands for Attracting Powerful Economic Expansion. By the time you read this, the governor already signed the damned thing, offering the Sunflower state’s mystery date a $1 billion valentine.

If there were any doubts that state government in Kansas is absolutely committed to secrecy, this deal should put an end to them. We came to expect secrecy under the administration of Sam Brownback, but it hasn’t gotten much better under Kelly. Individuals privy to the identity of the mystery firm, from those in the commerce department to the Statehouse, are bound by nondisclosure agreements. The idea of such a massive state effort to lure a private sector firm to Kansas being shrouded in layers of secrecy leaves a stench that won’t soon be forgotten.
https://kansasreflector.com/2022/02/13/kansas-is-digging-a-1-billion-mystery-hole-what-could-go-wrong/




Yeah no I don’t think there will be any of that in the Kansas mystery hole. But then again you know how Florida is fighting back the “Woke Disney”? Well Kansas might join them. That’s right – lost in the headlines was this interesting bit of information. Like seriously, the GOP fights the pettiest battles, don’t they? We’re fighting a pandemic and a power hungry dictator bent on world domination. They’re fighting Mickey Mouse because he was mean to Ron DeSantis. And come on , MAGAs, time to admit you don’t really care about kids, OK?

U.S. Senator Roger Marshall (R-Kan.) says he joined Sens. Mike Lee (R-Utah), Mike Braun (R-Ind.), Steve Daines(R- Mont.), and Kevin Cramer (R-N.D.) to send a letter to the Chairman of the TV Parental Guidelines Montoring Board in response to Disney’s latest campaign.

Marshall said Disney’s campaign aims to “embed left-wing sexual politics in its children’s programming” and has requested the Board to update their guidelines to include ratings on content related to gender dysphoria and help inform parents of the content.

“To the detriment of children, gender dysphoria has become sensationalized in the popular media and television with radical activists and entertainment companies,” the letter stated. “This radical and sexual sensation not only harms children but also destabilizes and damages parental rights. This same company [Disney] has concerningly denounced and vowed to work to repeal a recently passed Florida parental rights law that bans classroom instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity in kindergarten through third grade.”

“The Board is obligated to ensure the rating criteria helps parents be informed about mature content before it is displayed to their children. In light of parents raising legitimate concerns on sexual orientation and gender identity content on children’s TV shows, we expect the Board to fulfill its responsibility in updating the TV Parental Guidelines to reflect these concerns. In updating the TV Parental Guidelines, please consider precedent on how the Board has rated sexually related, violent, and obscene materials to ensure it is applied without ideological bias,” the letter concluded.

https://www.wibw.com/2022/05/04/senators-urge-new-tv-parental-guidelines-light-disneys-gender-inclusion-campaign/




[font size="2"]#3 Nebraska [/font]


When we last left the Cornhusker State, they were knee deep in a drought and a budget crisis, led by MAGA friendly governor Pete Ricketts. But now it’s primary season, and they’re about to have a really huge MAGA problem on their hands. Think Pete Ricketts is bad? Wait until you meet the Trump endorsed MAGA friendly candidate Charles Herbster. Given the fact that he’s already got some sex scandals about him, things are about to get a whole lot worse if he somehow won the upcoming election!

Nebraska gubernatorial candidate Charles Herbster (R) continued this week to say allegations that he had groped eight women were false and politically motivated.

Speaking during an online news conference Wednesday from his company’s condominium on the Omaha riverfront, Herbster said he respects “all females across this land.”

He implied that the women’s allegations, reported by the Nebraska Examiner, may have been orchestrated by Gov. Pete Ricketts.

Ricketts has denied doing so. The reporting behind the Examiner’s account, published April 14, was conducted over several months stretching to June 2021. The Examiner also corroborated the eight women’s accounts with people who said they witnessed the incidents or were told about them by the women immediately afterward.

Read more: https://nebraskaexaminer.com/2022/04/21/charles-herbster-continues-to-say-groping-allegations-are-false-politically-motivated/




Oh come on, the GOP continues to sink lower and lower with each new candidate. I mean seriously, Al Franken got kicked out of the senate for a ridiculously stupid photograph. Yet somehow this ass grabbing moron could be the next governor of Nebraska? Good god, I need to get out of this country for a while. And by the way, the GOP really needs to drop the “conservative” label from its’ party, because they don’t really conserve anything. Just look at the latest bill Pete Ricketts proposed:

Conservation groups on Thursday lambasted claims by Gov. Pete Ricketts and a property rights group that a presidential proposal to restore forests and river banks, enhance federal conservation efforts and protect endangered species is a “land grab.”

Officials with the Nebraska Farmers Union, Nebraska Wildlife Federation and other conservation groups said President Joe Biden’s “America the Beautiful Initiative,” initially called the “30-by-30” plan, is a voluntary program to enlist farmers and ranchers in conserving more land to benefit wildlife and combat climate change.

John Hansen, president of the Farmers Union, said Ricketts and other opponents of the plan are using “conspiracy theories, misinformation and mischaracterizations” to spread fear and distrust about voluntary federal conservation programs that have provided millions of dollars to landowners.

“What they are doing, unfortunately, is very hurtful and irresponsible,” Hansen said.

The comments come as Ricketts and a Texas-based landowner rights group called “American Stewards of Liberty” will be hosting an all-day “Stop the 30×30 Summit” in Lincoln on Friday.

Read more: https://nebraskaexaminer.com/2022/04/21/conservation-officials-blast-gov-ricketts-opposition-to-america-the-beautiful-initiative/




Oh come on, have you been following the GOP for the last five years? Of course they’re going to do the hurtful and irresponsible thing. Their party is all about “owning the libs” now, don’t you know? It’s not that they’re happy. It’s that you’re miserable. And speaking of people being miserable, the Nazi party is back in Nebraska and they had a huge event there. Since Trump had one of his idiot rallies in the middle of nowhere, lost in the headlines last week was this little ditty. There was also this about a possible “religious freedom” bill which does not have anything to do with freedom, and some are saying that they may have gone too far!

Arguments that Nebraska needs to beef up protections for religious rights and freedoms fell short Wednesday in the Government, Military and Veterans Affairs Committee.

Legislative Bill 774, a proposal that would have provided broader protections, got only four votes from committee members. It needed five to advance to the full Legislature.

State Sen. Tom Brewer of Gordon introduced the measure, which he dubbed the First Freedom Act. During a public hearing Wednesday, he said the bill would ensure that people of all faiths can “live their lives and practice their religion” freely in Nebraska.

The senator said he had been looking at the idea but was inspired to introduce the bill by a 2020 case involving two Native American students in the Cody-Kilgore school district. School employees repeatedly cut the girls’ hair, even after their parents objected and informed school officials that hair is a sacred symbol in Lakota tradition. The parents have filed a federal lawsuit over the incident.

Read more: https://omaha.com/news/state-and-regional/govt-and-politics/nebraska-bill-strengthening-religious-freedoms-stalls-amid-concerns-it-might-go-too-far/article_417f0394-794f-11ec-a911-d3773b6c324c.html




[font size="2"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

Whoa, ladies and gentlemen, do you believe in unlikelyhoods? This is unbelievable – Kansas barely showed up! Nebraska is running all over them and they will be the third team in this tournament to upset a #1 seed! Can you believe this? Nebraska is ahead with 14 points left in the second half… for three!!! YES!!! And that’s all she wrote, folks! Nebraska has done the unthinkable and upset Kansas to take the Fiscal Irresponsibility crown! They are celebrating on the court! Final score: 96 – 79! Cut that net guys, you earned it!



[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

We have to take a week off next week, but when we come back on the 18th, it’s time for the Stupidest State Final Four! Nebraska. Georgia. Tennessee. Missouri. One of these states will take home the trophy and become the new Top 10 Stupidest State! We are two short rounds away from crowning our champion, folks! We will be live at the home of the USC Trojans, the fabulous Galen Center in Los Angeles, for all the action!



[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]St. Paul & The Broken Bones[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great band from Birmingham, Alabama! You can see them on tour through July 16th. Playing their song “Minotaur” from their album “The Alien Coast”, give it up for St. Paul & The Broken Bones!



Thank you Burbank! So we unfortunately have to take a short break next week, we’ll be back on Thursday, 5/19 with a brand new edition live from Santa Ana and the conclusion of Stupidest State 2022! See you next week!

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