Advice wanted. Should I go with my wife to her anti-vax unmasked nephew and girlfriend this holiday?

[Doodley]

My wife and I are both higher risk for severe covid symptoms and in late 50s. We just had booster shots, literally today. My wife is going to visit her nephew and girlfriend for Thanksgiving, then we are going on to some vaccinated friends. She expects me to go to both events. I am uncomfortable with going tp the nephew. I don't have any problems with him, just don't want to be exposed to the risk of covid. My wife says I am mean to suggest I won't go. I would appreciate your advice.

[hatrack]

1. I'm not a doctor, and I don't play one on television . . .

But, yeah, NO!!

[Doodley]

28. Thank you.

[Elessar Zappa]

2. It's

your marriage so I can’t really give you a good answer. Personally, I wouldn’t go.

[tblue37]

3. I wouldn't go, but of course she can catch covid cooties there and bring them home to you.

[Talitha]

27. THIS

[Doodley]

29. I agree, but I cannot control what she chooses to do.

[hlthe2b]

4. NO

Anyone at high risk of complications, given concomitant serious health conditions (even with three doses of vaccine) is still at considerable risk from extended indoor exposure to the unvaccinated--unless those they are visiting agree to be tested just prior and wear a mask and/or if the event/visit can be outdoors. It sounds like none of these are likely.

[Doodley]

31. No, they won't test. It will be indoors, in a small house and even I wouldn't be able to wear a mask

when we are eating.

[tblue37]

41. You are safer at home. I have turned down Thanksgiving invitations this year, as I did last year,

because I am 71 and have several risk factors.

Yes, I have had all three shots, but I am not going to tempt fate.

[LakeArenal]

5. Hell no. I think it's mean of your wife to insist.

I can’t understand why people can’t sacrifice a few holidays when there are people dying all around them.

[Doodley]

34. Thank you. There are other options - Facetime. meeting outside in a park, etc. I feel my concerns

don't matter.

[tblue37]

42. And they *should* matter!

[XanaDUer2]

106. I agree

You don't want to argue with your spouse, but when your life could be on the line...

[OAITW r.2.0]

6. Life is a crap shoot. Make the smartest choices, at every moment, that you can.

[BlackSkimmer]

7. You're asking random people on the internet for advice about your health?

Good luck!

[spooky3]

19. I think he's looking for support. Nt

[BlackSkimmer]

21. Then he already knows the answer. nt

[Doodley]

26. Thank you Spooky.

[spooky3]

46. You're welcome.

[Demobrat]

8. Find out if they would be willing to be tested for Covid

within 48 hours of the visit. If yes, of course you would like to go. If no … then no.

[Doodley]

35. No they won't do that. They repeat a lot of misinformation and he says "I probably had it already."

[Shellback Squid]

47. a guy I worked with said the same, he finally caught it and it chewed him up

glad he survived but who did he infect when he was sick?
I worked at a desk next to him, pleaded to him to get the vax but he's a trumper

[mzmolly]

9. I wouldn't.

And I think it's 'mean' of anyone to expect you to do go.

[dem4decades]

10. No, of course not. She should respect your decision.

[Doodley]

36. Thank you. She doesn't, and this is tough for me.

[consider_this]

11. FWIW...

I believe it takes a couple weeks for your booster to kick into its full potential.
weigh your options/risks.

[Doodley]

38. You are right and it has been 7.5 months since our last vax.

[Hav]

11. I wouldn't go

Especially now with increasing case numbers. I'd at least wait and see how the situation looks like after the holiday season.

[Scrivener7]

13. Nooooooooo!!!! People DIE of this. Be mean!

[JT45242]

14. I would not go

It is not worth risking your life or your wife's life to not hurt this relative's feelings.
My guess is that you have been very careful for all of Covid. Do not let your guard down now.

I won't go anywhere unmasked if I am not certain that everyone is vaxxed. My wife is at high risk and her life is not worth not hurting someone else's feelings.

[50 Shades Of Blue]

15. I wouldn't. I've opted out of family gatherings because some weren't vaccinated.

I hope your wife reconsiders. I can't imagine why she thinks you and not her unvaccinated, unmasked nephew who is willing to infect you both with Covid is "mean."

[Ace Rothstein]

16. Do what is best for you.

Keep in mind that COVID isn't going anywhere so unless you plan on staying home forever, you're probably going to be repeatedly exposed to it for the rest of your life.

[vanlassie]

17. Hell No. I mean... HELL NO!!!

Tell her not to be ridiculous.
No. Just NO.

[spooky3]

18. I vote for "a thousand times no." Nt

Last edited Sun Nov 21, 2021, 11:25 PM - Edit history (1)

[relayerbob]

20. I sure wouldn't

[RockRaven]

22. I wouldn't, but it's *your* marriage and I have no idea how refusing would affect it.

That's something you know better than us.

IMO, it is utter bullshit to suggest avoiding unvaxxed people is "mean," no matter who they are, holidays or not. But I wouldn't use that exact phrase with your wife...

[roody]

58. You will have no marriage if

one or both of you dies.

[Cobalt Violet]

23. don't gamble with you life if you value it.

You can't undo this choice.

[2naSalit]

24. Probably not.

[ratchiweenie]

25. Why can't she just explain that you are not feeling safe and prefer not to go places where people

aren't vaccinated. I don't see that as mean, I see it as protecting your health. Since they aren't vaccinated you know they won't be wearing masks either.

[roody]

60. No explanations needed.

It is your life to live as you wish, with minimal Covid exposure.

[Greybnk48]

30. No and she shouldn't either. She may bring COVID home to you!

You're not mean. She's being reckless and selfish.

[dem4decades]

50. 100%, even if he doesn't go, his wife is putting him at risk.

[roody]

59. This!!

[Iggo]

32. I wouldn't.

[MOMFUDSKI]

33. Just

hell no. These folks need to be shunned. Simple.

[Deuxcents]

37. Why would she want to go

Knowing both of you are high risk? Haven’t been to my sister’s house since February, 2020. Not going for T day, either as my adult nephew and his partner see no need to get vaxxed. I love em but not enough to make an exception that I don’t make for anyone else.

[left-of-center2012]

39. Your wife says that you are mean because you will not expose yourself to covid

Does she not know that even vaccinated people can get covid?

[Doodley]

48. Yes, she knows. One of her friends has covid and he's fully vaccinated, including booster.

[lagomorph777]

75. I'd be questioning the viability of the marriage at this point.

Seems your wife has a casual disregard for your life.

[womanofthehills]

40. Supposedly, it takes two to three weeks for your body to make antibodies after your booster

The first week you are supposed to be extremely vulnerable. Seeing lots of people on social media saying they got Covid first week after booster.

[PTWB]

44. NO, in fact you should insist she not go. WTF is she thinking?

Spending the holidays with anti-vaxx, anti-maskers (regardless of their familial ties) is nonsense.

[Skittles]

45. I only read the Subject Line to know the answer is NO

NO, NO, NO, NO, NOT ONLY NO, BUT HELL NO.

[Shellback Squid]

49. make it known to them about your concerns, decline

and leave it them to draw their own conclusions

[Liberal In Texas]

51. I'll make this quick: HELL NO.

Stay home and know you will be safe.

[VarryOn]

52. Now that I've had the three jabs, I'm pretty much back to normal...

Been going to church the last few months and been to 4 college football games and two NASCAR races. I've been going back to the office since before I was vaxxed. The more over gotten back to normal, the more comfortable I feel. Back in September, I was notified by work I was around someone who had tested positive. She and I had had a hallway conversation for about 20 minutes. I never had an issue.

My wife and I resumed going out to dinner on Saturdays. From the looks of it, we're not the only ones getting out. Restaurants are packed...at least here in Arkansas.

Once I started assessing the risk, I realized that being vaccinated makes one very safe. That's even considering being in late 50s with HBP. If I happen to end up with up with covid, odds are quite good I'll be fine ans likely not even need to go to the hospital.

This Thursday, I'll be getting together with about 25 family members for lunch. I suspect most are vaxxed. I have no compunction gathering. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. Some, I haven't seen in a while.

I dont understand not getting vaxxed. Not doing so is foolish.

I understand anyone still avoiding others. Maybe if I had more severe comorbitiies, I'd be different.

I'm just grateful for the vaccines!!

Good luck no matter your decision.

[Violet_Crumble]

85. What you said...

I just don't think the risk is great enough now that it's worth damaging relationships with partners over it. Having said that, I think the unvaccinated-by-choice are a bunch of mindless plague rats who have made a choice but get to deal with the consequences of not being able to work in jobs where there's a high risk of passing covid on to an elderly or cancer patient who could die of it even though they're vaccinated. Unless Doodley or his wife have a seriously compromised immune system, the choice to hang out with plague-rat nephew should be a moral decision. Also, if nephew is a vaccine-hesitant or full on batshit crazy anti-vaxxer is another thing. If it's the former, I'd go and use the time to gently persuade them to talk to their doctor and make an informed decision on getting vaccinated. If it's the latter, use the time to take the piss out of the moron...

[johnp3907]

54. Is "chill" the new word for "chicken?"

[GP6971]

55. Your pizza is out for delivery. n/t

[jcgoldie]

56. "totally chill and unvaxxed"

ie. A fucking moron.

[roody]

57. No. Your health is too important.

...

[SoonerPride]

61. If you are immunized you are protected and should go

The question is are these relatives close?

If so then go see them.

Life is short.

You are well protected.

[Ms. Toad]

80. Seriously?

I know at least 6 people who are fully vaccinated who have had COVID in the past 3 months, one of them had a serious case.

Even when cases which are not serious, vaccinated inviduals can still get long COVID.

Being immunized makes you safer, not safe.

[SoonerPride]

95. Yes. Seriously.

If you have no underlying health issues, and are fully vaccinated then go back to living life.

I cannot and will not be housebound for eternity.

[Ms. Toad]

96. There's a difference between being housebound (for eternity or otherwise)

and being sensible.

I am far from housebound. I have been teaching as many as 90 people in person for several hours a day since August 2020 (i.e. well over a year). That's hardly housebound.

BUT - I don't take stupid risks. I wear my mask when I am out of the house, unless I am in my own office at work. I don't go to places where unmasked unvaccinated people are welcome. If I eat in public (very rare), I wear my mask and lift up the bottom to eat everything I can - and then briefly remove it to eat anything too messy to eat with my mask on.

It is taking stupid risks to go to a small enclosed location with someone you know is unvaccinated, unmasked, and taking risks.

Not to mention that you were responding to somsone who stated that they have underlying health issues ("my wife and I are both higher risk for severe COVID symptoms and in late 50s)

[SoonerPride]

98. I have resumed life and have not one scintilla of worry about the pandemic anymore.

You are free to do as you like.

[Ms. Toad]

101. If you are resuming life without a mask,

thanks for contributing to the continuation of the pandemic.

The vast majority of the exposures I have experienced since August are from people with breakthrough cases who were sure they didn't have COVID because they were vaccinated.

[Rhiannon12866]

62. I would refuse to visit anyone who is unvaccinated, particularly indoors.

Are you expected to remain masked?? That would be impossible of food is being served. Why take chances? This is the reason the virus has spread. I quit going to a local meeting, as did my friend, since we suspected the chairman of being an anti-vaxxer and there were fights over masks. And I agree with Lake Arenal that your wife is being unreasonable to insist on risking this exposure. This is also the reason that even vaccinated people have gotten the virus and you said that you are both higher risk. Both of you (as well as the rest of us) need to avoid exposure.

[johnp3907]

74. Lots of you coming up from under the bridge tonight.

[nocoincidences]

63. This question seems to be

about your relationship with your wife, which is clearly not a happy one for you, when she is willing to force you to make such an uncomfortable choice, with no negotiation about compromises.

Take care of your own health, and definitely address your discomfort with her choices, preferably with a therapist, AFTER Thanksgiving.

Good luck. This is a difficult issue for you, and a lot of other Americans, right now.

[HipChick]

64. In one word NO....I have the same situation right now

with parents...too afraid to say NO to my anti-vax unvaccinated brother and his wife....afraid of hurting feelings...

I put it to them straight ....hurt feelings V. a few weeks in ICU on a ventilator?

I've never been one too mince words..

[luckone]

65. you dont walk out the door after getting a vax and have a full response (or 4 days later)

I absolutely would not go and I'm not high risk anything. Just recently heard back about a friend of friend He is still losing hearing -long covid from pre vax days 2020 He was healthy and is 37 yrs old.
If you must to avoid issues, I would feign a reaction to the booster the next day or few so you can cancel
since it could be the shot, or could be covid
Hopefully they will not want you around and let you pass if told you are not doing good.
May even play to their vax paranoia -that you have fallen to the suspected ills of the booster
I would have no problem blowing these people off

My wife says I am mean to suggest I won't go. I would appreciate your advice.

What does that mean ?If your wife goes alone and brings it back home she is being mean imo

[Blue Dawn]

66. If I were in your shoes....

....I would definitely not go. Even though my husband and I have been vaccinated and we both have had our boosters, we have some health issues and do not want to take a chance of contracting COVID.

At this point, I do not visit any family members who are not vaccinated, and I will not be visiting my anti-vax sister during the holidays. I love my sister, but my health and my husband's health come first.

I am so sorry that your spouse thinks you are being mean for not wanting to go to her nephew's. That puts you in a tough spot.

I have tried not to accuse my husband of being mean for not wanting to attend a family function, even during non-COVID times. He is an adult and is entitled to make his own decisions without my guilting or manipulating him to change his mind in order to please me. It's true that I might feel disappointed, but I can handle my emotions graciously.

I don't want to sound harsh about your wife. She wants you to go with her, which I totally understand. I only am sharing my own personal experience and my thoughts. Discard everything I have said if none of it resonates with you.

I do wish you both a quick resolution. I would hate for either of you to feel hurt or angry during this special time during the holidays. But I would hate it even more should you come down with COVID! Your health matters.

I am interested in knowing how you and your wife work it out. Best of luck to you!

[cadoman]

68. go with your gut, it's better to be a little bit selfish now than bitter later

If you think you'll be bitter about being made to go, express that to your wife and hope she understands.

The vibe of the whole visit will be dragged down if your hearts not in it. Tell them you don't feel up to it this season but you hope you'll make the next event after the pandemic has gone away.

[lagomorph777]

69. Absolutely not. Risk your life to please a pair of assholes?

Fuck that shit.

[GP6971]

71. Knock, Knock

Your pizza delivery is here. Please give a generous tip!!

[johnp3907]

72. You made a profile here just to post a video no one will watch?

[MustLoveBeagles]

73. No

It's not worth the risk. Even vaccinated people can get Covid.

[Solly Mack]

76. Do the vaccinated friends know that the intended plan is to go see them after you've eaten with the

unvaccinated?

Because they have the right to know y'all plan to eat with the unvaccinated prior to visiting them.

It's not just the risk to you and your wife, but y'all are including your friends in that risk too.

Do the friends know that is the plan?

What do they think?

I wouldn't dine with the unvaccinated and I also wouldn't spread the risk around.

[BradAllison]

97. +1

[MiniMe]

77. The biggest problem is your wife going, even if you don't go

She will bring home whatever virus's your nephew may be sharing. If you don't go, you may be exposed through your wife. You are in a hell of a position, good luck! Since you asked, I wouldn't go if it was me, and I would wear a mask around the house for a few weeks after Thanksgiving

[LeftInTX]

82. I know

[Thtwudbeme]

78. We are the same age as you- I am so sorry- but your wife is making a poor choice

I fully understand wanting to see relatives- and we are childless, so yes- we want to hang out with my nephew and his wife also.

However, we are lucky: our relatives are vaxxed. Hell, as soon as the vaccine was available for children my grand-niece was vaccinated immediately.

No disrespect intended towards your wife, but a vent is not worth a social visit under any circumstance. I hope she can come around and stay safe.

[BlueIdaho]

79. Sometimes the answer is just "no."

No explanations, no justifications, no nothing - just “No.”

Best of luck with your decision, whatever you decide.

[H2O Man]

81. I wouldn't.

[Ms. Toad]

83. Nope.

And you should sleep separate from your wife and wear a mask in your own home for 10 days starting 24 hours after your wife visits with the covidiots.

Sorry you're dealing with this. I have similar issues with my spouse - and might have had a similar action plan.

Fortunately, her sister and niece have both laid down the law for thanksgiving - her covidiot son (brother) are NOT invited over for Thanksgiving (at the sister's) or the day after (at the niece's) Only vaccinated people (including children) are welcome.

[mockmonkey]

86. Can you afford a Hospital Bill at the moment?

Spending a lot of time with people in a close situation is a risk. While you might not end up in Intensive care you still could end up in the Hospital. If these people are worth it than go ahead.

[OhioChick]

87. Hell No.....

My kids are telling me there's a 2 day wait in the ER just to get a bed.

This is FAR from being over.

My family is not celebrating Thanksgiving or Christmas for another year, not chancing it.

[MerryBlooms]

88. After reading through your OP and all your comments,

You both desperately need counseling. Especially you. Whether she goes with you to counseling or not, GO. If you're not comfortable going to this function, don't go. You don't need permission to bail. You're a grown up, you make your own decisions. Take control of your life. Follow protocols when she returns. Cripes, if you truly feel she's risking your life, she can quarantine in a fucking hotel after she attends her family function.

[pstokely]

89. I wouldn't if I were you

but I'm no doctor, and I don't even play one on TV or DU, aren't they the ones being mean remaining unvaxxed?

[pnwmom]

90. You and your wife would be teaching her nephew a valuable lesson by NOT visiting.

Actions have consequences. They need to learn that.

[Girl powers]

91. Don't Go

Absolutely Not

[Dorian Gray]

92. I would

have an honest conversation with your wife about why this is not something you want to do. Hopefully she will respect you, and you will respect her reasons for wanting to go.

We are at a crossroads here, and I fully understand wanting to take care of yourself.

I will say if your nephew loves and respects your boundaries, he will make it so that you feel comfortable during your visit. (Visit outdoors/masked/etc.)

If he is unwilling to do the bare minimum to make you comfortable, I'd question whether he is worth visiting.

[Roisin Ni Fiachra]

93. I wouldn't. Anti-vaxxers take no precautions whatsoever against getting infected, and spreading it

to others.

Not only do you greatly increase your own risk of getting covid, you may get infected and be asymptomatic, and then unwittingly spread it to others.

Your booster shot will take a week or more to to provide peak immunity.

[Vinca]

94. Absolutely not. Not only might you become ill yourselves, if you're going to drop in on other

people after the event you could spread the virus. Just because we're vaccinated doesn't mean we're entirely immune. Tell your wife if the nephew and girlfriend cared about others they would be vaccinated or not hold get togethers.

[Caliman73]

99. Well, if it is any help....

I haven't seen my family for almost a year (parents, sister, brother in law, nephews). We usually go visit them for Thanksgiving, but we are not going this year because they live in a hot spot and I have other relatives who would be there and aren't vaccinated and don't wear masks.

While we will miss them, they understand. My daughter is 11 and is not fully vaccinated so we do not want to put her at risk.

I don't think that you are being unreasonable here. It is unfortunate that your wife does not seem to understand the risk that both of you would be exposed to by going to a place where there is no heed given to health and safety. If you do go, I would suggest that you get an N95 type mask and if you have time, go to your doctor (if you have one) and have it fitted properly, to get the best protection you can.

Good luck. Family can be difficult.

[Raftergirl]

100. Absolutely no. And with your wife going that ups your risk even if you don't go.

I won’t even go to a large-ish dinner with all vaccinated people. I’m boosted, as is my H and all
our family and friends. We are not getting together with any family for the holidays. Only my son and his girlfriend- both vaxxed but not boosted yet - are coming for t’giving. But, my kid has to test 3 times a week even though he only just started going into work 1 day a week. His company has a vax mandate - you must be approved to go into the office and must test 3x a week. They supply the tests. So, I feel safe having them.

While both H and I are in our 60’s we have no comorbitities, but we also do not want to get CV and maybe have to deal with long covid.

I do not understand people who want to be around antivaxxers at all.

[LAS14]

102. No. You don't have to make it hostile. Just say it won't work for you. nt

[we can do it]

103. N O don't go.

[ismnotwasm]

104. Nope

[bluestarone]

105. Put me in the NO list

Hell no!

[Calista241]

107. Personally, I would probably go, especially if my spouse was insistant.

You've taken all the steps you reasonably can. You've had all 3 shots, so the chances of you getting COVID are marginal. Maybe take an at-home COVID test so you'll know before you go if you have it, and then again a week after your visit.

Their chances of catching it from you and your wife are much, much higher than you giving it to them. COVID is going to be here for the long term, so unless you're willing to write them out of your life forever, eventually you'll have to go see them. Just be prepared to have it out with your wife that you're cutting her nephew out of your lives.

[scarytomcat]

108. take your wife some where nice (a vacation) promise her anything

don't go without a mask and don't take it off if you end up with the unvaccinated