Manchin Will Agree to Halloween Only if Candy Is Completely Removed

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Signalling his opposition to a storied tradition, Senator Joe Manchin said that he will agree to Halloween only if candy is completely eliminated.

The West Virginia senator, arguing that the “big Halloween giveaway is over,” said that billions are wastefully spent on candy each year.

“People seem to think that children going from house to house to get candy for free is fun,” Manchin said. “I call it something else: socialism.”

Manchin’s neighbors said that his opposition to candy on Halloween is long-standing. “Kids skip his house, because he just gives out coal,” one neighbor said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/manchin-will-agree-to-halloween-only-if-candy-is-completely-removed

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Borowitz........Ahhhhh! Well done, as always. ♥

[BeckyDem]

2. Priceless:

“Kids skip his house, because he just gives out coal,” one neighbor said.

lol

[SergeStorms]

5. And not chocolate covered coal.....

like the rest of West Virginia homes.

They're going to keep those miners in the mines anyway they can.

[AllaN01Bear]

3. had me going there for a bit.

/revision/latest?cb=20090729102006

[lagomorph777]

4. "he just gives out coal"

[ColinC]

6. Being a Halloween Grinch probably isn't as bad as being a Christmas grinch

Let's see if he does a two-fer

[czarjak]

7. An "I've got mine" adherent calling the shots? Jesus, if you're listening.

[usaf-vet]

8. He has controlling interest in a fresh fruit company. The alternative to candy. It's a $$ maker.

[lame54]

9. But he's generously leaving in...

The razor blades

[TheBlackAdder]

10. Or if Exxon/Mobile gift cards, car air fresheners, quarts of oil or bags of coal are handed out.

[Irish_Dem]

11. Kids are going to feel entitled to candy on Halloween.

Then on Christmas, they will expect presents.

Can't have that kind of entitlement.