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Mon Oct 11, 2021, 12:35 PM

Update on my friend from High School.

From https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215871193

She's been out of the hospital for about a week now. Tired, but apparently doing well enough.

There is a huge memorial service, viewing, funeral, the works, planned for her husband. The kids set up a webpage where you can RSVP and also donate towards the cost of the funeral. No mention of the huge medical bills they've accumulated, but maybe she just hasn't seen them yet. No request to wear masks or do any social distancing. Just donate and show up. Sort of like a per-plate dinner, I guess.

She sent out an email a few days ago to let people know about the webpage and say that she was in the hospital with pneumonia, but got oxygen and steroids and is all better now. She had posted earlier on her husband's FB page. Apparently, he died from fatigue. Well, except that he didn't "die." He "had an early home-going," according to many of the comments.

Seems as if their son actually is the only one in the crowd acknowledging that they both had Covid. I'm beside myself, not knowing what to do. I still haven't sent her a card or anything. I'm afraid it would say something mean, like "He didn't have to die!" or "Why aren't you using this opportunity to raise awareness of how serious Covid is and get a fucking vaccination???!!" or "I thought you were one of the smart kids in school! How did you let religion rot your brain so badly?" and, finally, "How can you be scheduling back-to-back super-spreader events with people who clearly don't get it? Do you want to make more widows?" You get the idea. Better for her to be hurt that I didn't say or do anything yet than to feel my ire at a difficult time .. or is it really that difficult if he simply "went home?"

I was going to send her a nice wind chime, as I'd read that are good bereavement gifts. But I'm still just finding myself so angry. Hurt, disappointed in dozens of ways, shocked, etc. I don't feel like comforting her, which also feels mean. She has always been so nice, cheerful, friendly, and not in-your-face religious. But I fear she is with the dark side and I just didn't see it.

So I'm just venting here. Thanks for letting me.

Stay safe, everyone.



23 replies, 2600 views

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Arrow 23 replies Author Time Post
Reply Update on my friend from High School. (Original post)
piddyprints Oct 2021 OP
LetMyPeopleVote Oct 2021 #1
Tetrachloride Oct 2021 #6
samnsara Oct 2021 #2
piddyprints Oct 2021 #11
LisaL Oct 2021 #3
piddyprints Oct 2021 #12
hamsterjill Oct 2021 #4
piddyprints Oct 2021 #13
hamsterjill Oct 2021 #20
Klaralven Oct 2021 #5
piddyprints Oct 2021 #14
Hekate Oct 2021 #7
piddyprints Oct 2021 #15
Hekate Oct 2021 #19
PoindexterOglethorpe Oct 2021 #21
onethatcares Oct 2021 #22
luckone Oct 2021 #8
piddyprints Oct 2021 #16
3catwoman3 Oct 2021 #23
Thunderbeast Oct 2021 #9
piddyprints Oct 2021 #17
maxsolomon Oct 2021 #10
piddyprints Oct 2021 #18

Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 12:39 PM

1. Denial is not just a river in Africa

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Response to LetMyPeopleVote (Reply #1)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 01:02 PM

6. Egypt is cranking up vaccines production.

Large mobile vans give vaccinations in some areas.

the clinics are not centrally located in some cities.

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 12:44 PM

2. maybe just a card and write 'hugs'....

..sometimes that all that needs to be said

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Response to samnsara (Reply #2)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:06 PM

11. That might work.

Thanks.

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 12:45 PM

3. This seems to be a common theme with anti-vaxxers.

If they survive covid, they don't want to acknowledge they actually had it.

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Response to LisaL (Reply #3)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:07 PM

12. Yes, and then they continue to behave

in ways that make it harder for all of us.

I'd have thought this would have been a great learning opportunity.

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 12:49 PM

4. A high school friend of mine

Died Sunday morning from COVID. Anti-vaxxer and had been on a vent since mid September.

The collateral damage are those she leaves behind without a mother and grandmother.

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Response to hamsterjill (Reply #4)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:08 PM

13. I'm so sorry.

The collateral damage is what they never think about.

Even without Covid being communicable, the "it's about me!" attitude discounts the suffering of those left behind.

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Response to piddyprints (Reply #13)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 03:09 PM

20. Thank you.

Youíre so right. The grand kids who wonít have their grandmother. Itís sad. Itís stupid. Itís senseless. And yet itís happening every single day.

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 12:57 PM

5. Luke 9:60

 

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Response to Klaralven (Reply #5)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:09 PM

14. So true.

Thanks.

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 01:03 PM

7. I'm so sorry for *your* loss, piddyprints. To her, just a card with "hugs" & your name...

Ö for old timesí sake. Your reactions to this grief are normal.

That said: when did people start putting on massive send-offs and expecting donations to defray the cost? Or is this something like mothers putting on their own daughtersí bridal and baby showers, where I totally missed the memo?

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Response to Hekate (Reply #7)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:13 PM

15. Thank you.

I might be able to do that.

The send-off is a puzzle to me. I mean, they weren't exactly poor. They could have bought enough life insurance to cover it. Or something. Or not have a big event?

When I die, if people spend a lot of money on a funeral and all the trimmings, I will come back and haunt them. I've requested cremation, no viewing, and just a little party with my best friends and family. Sprinkle me with the kitties or in the ocean or woods. Spend the money on fun stuff.

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Response to piddyprints (Reply #15)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:50 PM

19. I'm with you -- keep it simple

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Response to piddyprints (Reply #15)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 03:24 PM

21. When I die I want my survivors to have a giant Irish wake for me,

including lots of booze.

I've also told my son that I specifically want him to purchase the airplane ticket for a particular friend of mine who otherwise would not be able to go to wherever this might be held. There will be more than adequate money to pay for these things.

Not that I expect to die any time soon, but I believe in planning ahead.

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Response to piddyprints (Reply #15)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 03:30 PM

22. pre pay cremation

Neptune Society has mine planned. from down and out to gone to ashes within 3 days.

If anyone had anything to say to me, good or bad, they should have said it while we could share a 6 pack of beer.

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 01:18 PM

8. Maybe if you feel the need to do something a donation to a group like

Doctors Without Borders in his memory and give the family info to be notified (or some other charity of your choice ) usually you can add a brief note with an honor donation the family will get with the notice
They are helping with vaccine inequities globally. Many places still want the vaccine but they also do all kinds of other medical intervention so the family would not see it as a vaccination comment just an honor in his name . Hell no I would not donate to their big funeral

https://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/support-us/explore-donation-options?_ga=2.230807903.1515659201.1633971718-1646434637.1633971718&_gac=1.116322804.1633972451.Cj0KCQjwwY-LBhD6ARIsACvT72Mxg7NW83yWeUjGMG0eqzYzSMoSxxOL15wjOyZRUj1jOnSql5yZjrIaAopjEALw_wcB

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Response to luckone (Reply #8)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:14 PM

16. That is a great idea!



Nope, not donating to the funeral. Not going either, primarily because it will be a big gathering and would involve travel.

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Response to piddyprints (Reply #16)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 03:33 PM

23. I agree - the above is a very fine idea. In a card, you could just say...

...something like - "How fortunate that you recovered. Please take good care of yourself in the future."

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 01:21 PM

9. I just sent out two sympathy cards

to a mother and grandmother of a 38 year-old Covid victim in rural Oregon. He was an anti-vaxer who was infected along with his wife and three children...one of them eight MONTHS old.

He thought he was protected...having survived an earlier bout of the virus. His mother was resigned to his fate after he refused the shot, even after his earlier infection.

Furious, she knew it was only a matter of time before his strident beliefs in the RWNJ agenda would kill him.

The man's wife is also anti-vax, and maintains her opinion. He left a wake of human wreckage in his path, and he is now beyond further accountability for their wellbeing.

SO SELFISH! All of this because of adolescent peer pressure from his redneck buddies.

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Response to Thunderbeast (Reply #9)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:16 PM

17. That's rough.

I don't think I will live long enough to understand the logic, or even the emotion, that keeps people from getting vaccinated against Covid. I seriously doubt they all had exemptions from childhood vaccinations before going to school.

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Response to piddyprints (Original post)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 01:28 PM

10. Just send a card saying Condolences.

You won't break through her delusion.

If you want, you can probably attend the memorial service N95 masked; should be safe enough. Don't hug anyone. Toss the mask after.

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Response to maxsolomon (Reply #10)

Mon Oct 11, 2021, 02:17 PM

18. Thanks.

I'm not going. It would involve travel and a lot of inconvenience ... and be a nightmare if they're all super-religious idiots.

If my parents were still alive, I might visit them and then just be in the same town at the right time. But they're not, and I don't want to stay in a hotel or do any of the travel-type things.

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