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Tue Sep 14, 2021, 04:54 PM

Police Officer's Wife Still Dreads Getting Phone Call That Her Husband Has Been Vaccinated

NEW YORK—Admitting that she experiences a small jolt of terror even after all these months, wife of NYPD officer Mark Cady, told reporters Tuesday that she still dreads someday getting a phone call that her husband has been vaccinated.

“Obviously, Mark has promised me that he’ll take every precaution to prevent against something like this when he’s out there, but still, whenever the phone rings I can’t help but brace myself to hear a Walgreens recording informing me that his first inoculation has been implemented and he will receive a reminder in two weeks about his second shot,” said Melissa Cady, wiping tears from her eyes at the very thought of seeing her beloved husband lying there experiencing chills, nausea, and other vaccine side effects.

“I know I’m being a little silly—in the grand scheme of things, there are so few officers that are inoculated against Covid that I know it’s probably not going to happen—but still, there’s always the possibility that some suspicious, untested vaccine will make its way into his bloodstream. Jesus, if that day ever comes, I just don’t know how I could possibly explain it to our four children.”

At press time, Cady had sunk to the floor in despair after receiving word that in the course of investigating a robbery, her husband’s face had been completely covered by an N95 mask.

https://www.theonion.com/police-officer-s-wife-still-dreads-getting-phone-call-t-1847673015

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Reply Police Officer's Wife Still Dreads Getting Phone Call That Her Husband Has Been Vaccinated (Original post)
Zorro Tuesday OP
captain queeg Tuesday #1
wnylib Tuesday #7
BobTheSubgenius Tuesday #9
rambler_american Tuesday #11
vanlassie Tuesday #2
Escurumbele Tuesday #5
The Unmitigated Gall Tuesday #3
hauckeye Tuesday #4
Ligyron Tuesday #6
bronxiteforever Tuesday #8
ananda Tuesday #10
ornotna Tuesday #12
niyad Wednesday #13

Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 05:00 PM

1. Glad to see that it's the Onion. Never know these days.

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Response to captain queeg (Reply #1)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 06:52 PM

7. Really. Almost impossible to know the difference.

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Response to captain queeg (Reply #1)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 07:12 PM

9. Exactly what I was thinking.

Although I did have an inkling of Andy Borowitz, as well.

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Response to captain queeg (Reply #1)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 07:56 PM

11. Satire is dead

It died of exhaustion trying to stay ahead of reality.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 05:08 PM

2. Got me. Jesus. 🙄

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Response to vanlassie (Reply #2)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 06:39 PM

5. Got me too, I had not looked at the link...damn, they are good.

The Onion and Borowitz are geniuses...

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 06:25 PM

3. Nice try, Onion, but today was a miss!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 06:31 PM

4. God, I thought this was real 😂

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Response to hauckeye (Reply #4)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 06:40 PM

6. This one was the closest one yet to getting me.

The last paragraph is what did it

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 07:11 PM

8. Outstanding! Totally got me.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 07:18 PM

10. God I thought this was [email protected]#$%

Derp

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Sep 14, 2021, 08:05 PM

12. Most excellent

I was all WTF! and then got to the link and had a nice laugh. The Onion still has it.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Wed Sep 15, 2021, 02:03 PM

13. Sad that I had to check the link first.

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