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Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:51 PM

My nephew took his own life yesterday.

This is my first personal post in 6 years or so.

He had a very hard childhood. His mother (my sister) was a 19 year old who thought that the father would marry her - didn't happen. He was given up for adoption to the fathers older brother and his wife. He lived with them for 6 months until his grandmother (my mother) started going nutz about it and with lawyers and over $5000 they had the adoption cancelled and custody was given back to my sister. She gave him to his grandmother.

Over the next 12 years he went back and forth between my mother and my sister. They constantly argued and he would end up living with the person that 'won' the argument. Mom caught his mother putting wine coolers in his bottle - she got him, she had some argument and mom and took him back as custodial parent.......... it went on and on and on. Both would call me about the other. I was in my early 20's and had taken to ignoring both of them.

While home from college I agreed to watch my nephew and a friend of hers child so they could go out for the evening. I got back to school 3 days later - missed classes. I could have called my mother, but I didn't want to 'get her in trouble'. I wish I knew then what I know now.

He tried heroin at 17 -and became addicted - the sense of 'love' he felt from the drug. He said he had never felt anything like it in his life.
His childhood was a nightmare. He got off it onto methadone the next year, but the 'holes' were still there.

His childhood was a nightmare. Going from a party mom to a hard core religious fundamentalist over and over and over and over. My mother is a narcissist, so is my sister -suprise, suprise !!!. From the age of 4 or so I became the 'identified patient'. If anything was wrong I was responsible. I separated from my family at a young age. But my nephew was a BOY - the only gender she was interested in mothering, so she HAD TO have him. My brother had separated from her already, moving 1300 miles away.

My mother dressed him up in 'Crusaders For Christ' armor and a sword. My sister tried to find ppl to watch him while she partied. I wish I knew then what I do now. I was also a partyer sans offspring. Gods, I wish I had seen it then - maybe I could have done something.

I have not lived in the city I grew up in - where he lived, since I hit 17.

I took he and his much younger brother for 4-6 weeks every summer for 7 or so years. My kids were in the age range of his younger brother. I lived in N CA and took us all to amusement parks, national forests, and looooong road trips. He and I had a bond - but there was always a space that I could not access. I tried. The scars from childhood shielded them.

He killed himself - I am wrought. I am not sure what to do, but I feel I should do something - those that read this are witnesses to BRANDON

This is an upper middle class family

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Reply My nephew took his own life yesterday. (Original post)
alittlelark Jul 18 OP
Me. Jul 18 #1
GPV Jul 18 #2
sinkingfeeling Jul 18 #3
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brer cat Jul 18 #5
The Magistrate Jul 18 #6
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tblue37 Jul 18 #8
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MLAA Jul 18 #80
femmedem Jul 18 #12
11 Bravo Jul 18 #13
Deuxcents Jul 18 #21
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SheltieLover Jul 18 #15
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Kaleva Jul 18 #19
yardwork Jul 18 #31
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Hekate Jul 18 #18
SWBTATTReg Jul 18 #67
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alittlelark Jul 18 #46
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alittlelark Jul 18 #32
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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:54 PM

1. Sorry...


🌺

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:55 PM

2. I am so very sorry! Such a heartbreaking situation. I've lost

family to Suicide before, but not someone so young. . I'm glad he had you in his life.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:55 PM

3. I'm so sorry. My sister committed suicide 4 years ago. Don't

blame yourself.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:56 PM

4. I will gladly witness for Brandon.

Rest in peace, dear troubled soul.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:57 PM

5. I'm so sorry, lark.

You did what you could for him. You are not responsible for your sister or your mother.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:57 PM

6. So Sorry, Ma'am

Horrible tale. It must have cut your heart out to have watched it unfold.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 04:58 PM

7. Poor kid

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:00 PM

8. I am so sorry. Shame on your mother and sister for ruining this boy's life. At least you

managed to give him some respite with your love and your efforts to make sure he had some fun and some real family experience.

You can only do what you can do.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:00 PM

9. Rest in peace sweet Brandon

And please stop beating yourself up Lark! Once addiction has a person by the throat, it's virtually impossible to break free.

I'm so sorry



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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:01 PM

10. There is so much sadness

Finally he's at peace - you did what you could

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:02 PM

11. I am so sorry

I lost my son to PTSD, alcohol, and suicide 5 1/2 years ago. It still hurts.

We do what we can to hold each other up. RIP Brandon. May you find the peace you never knew in this world, and may those who truly loved you be comforted. Memory eternal.

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Response to Jilly_in_VA (Reply #11)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:13 PM

80. May you find peace as well dear Jilly in VA. 💖

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:03 PM

12. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sorry that you are grieving his death and his life.

It sounds as if you tried to look out for him and bring him some joy, even when you were very young yourself.

And I hope you don't ever, ever feel as if you should have done more or that his death is in any way on your shoulders. I'll tell you what someone told me when someone I loved died by suicide: You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:04 PM

13. I have no words. You and Brandon are in my thoughts.

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Response to 11 Bravo (Reply #13)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:14 PM

21. My thoughts,too

I wish peace for you in your pain.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:05 PM

14. What a heart-breaking story

It's good that you have happy memories of the times you spent with Brandon.
I hope that brings you some solace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:07 PM

15. Deepest Condolences 💓💓💓

I am so deeply sorry.

Please know that you did the very best you could at the time with the resources available to you.

You likely provided the only fun and true validation that he ever received. Please try to find solace in these facts.

Please also contact a hospice near you. They will provide free bereavement therapy for 13 months, the "year of firsts."

They will also offer free groups for those whose family members have suicided. Groups are extremely therapeutic, largely because of the universality of the experience.

Also, please be gentle with yourself while you resolve your grief. Grieving is very hard work, physically as well as emotionally & psychologicly.

Please remember to eat healthy foods, sleep, shower, and breathe deeply. Self-care will help to keep you grounded.

I interned in bereavement for a year. Please feel free to pm if you want to chat or need help finding a bereavement group or hospice near you.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:07 PM

16. I gave the thread a recommendation, not to express approval, but because

I know a thing or two about suicidal depression.

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Response to mahatmakanejeeves (Reply #16)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:11 PM

19. Same here.

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Response to mahatmakanejeeves (Reply #16)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:28 PM

31. Same here.

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Response to mahatmakanejeeves (Reply #16)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:11 PM

79. Same here

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:09 PM

17. Heartbreaking

Iím so sorry.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:10 PM

18. Lark, my tears are for you. You did what you could for him, plus you saved yourself...

Please forgive yourself ó you did all that you could. Brandon is finally at rest and at peace.

May all beings be peaceful
May all beings be happy
May all beings be safe
May all being awaken to the light of their true nature
May all beings be free from suffering


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Response to Hekate (Reply #18)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:38 PM

67. Beautiful, just beautiful. Thanks for sharing this.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:11 PM

20. My late husband killed himself, husband's son killed himself

Öthen a month ago my husbandís stepsonís son killed himself, triggering my husband.
A thousand deaths, some survivors call suicide. So sad.

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Response to duhneece (Reply #20)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:57 PM

46. OMG

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Response to duhneece (Reply #20)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:15 PM

81. Sending you love 💖💖💖💖💖💖

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:18 PM

22. I feel terrible for Brandon and other kid who never had a chance 'cause of the adults in their life.

You did the best you could and hope you find solace in the thought that Brandon felt his best times was when he was with you.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:18 PM

23. I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful tribute. Please

Rest assured you did every thing you could and he treasured every bit of love you gave him.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:22 PM

24. This heartbreaking. You went above and beyond but as you were up against your mom and sis ...

... you were drowned out by their issues.

There is cold comfort here, you tried hard, but it really was out of your hands.

I hope you can find ease from the DU energy, I know from personal experience floods out of here to those of us needing some release.

Bless you for being an involved aunt.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:22 PM

25. RIP to Brandon...

... sounds like you did the best you could.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:23 PM

26. Prayers and love

for you and Brandon.


I wish you both peace.


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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:24 PM

27. Witness for Brandon

may be rest in peace.

He is so very lucky he had you. You did everything possible and sometimes impossible for him.

May you also be at peace. I can imagine that is the hardest thing to even think about right now but later, be easy with yourself and remember that you did all you could when you had control, much more than many people would do.

Hugs to you and appreciation for the good person that you are.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:25 PM

28. I am so sorry for your loss and pain.

It sounds like you did everything that you could. I'm so sorry.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:26 PM

29. So sorry for your loss. The family was not capable and/or just plain negligent in formative years.

May he have peace, and I hope you're taking care. Sounds like you did what you could. Take comfort in that. It's a lot.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:27 PM

30. I am so sorry, alittlelark.

All best thoughts and comfort to you, and peace to you and to Brandon.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:29 PM

32. I wish I had just asked for commisuration

This feels sooooo deeply personsal - wish I had decent friend to talk to.

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #32)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:33 PM

108. I wish someone could be with you in person as well, but just when I'm about to give up on DU...

Öand DUís incessant squabbles, this community opens its heart.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:29 PM

33. RIP

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:35 PM

34. I feel like I need to puke my guts out

I am not in a good place

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #34)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:53 PM

42. If that is because

you regret sharing something so personal - don't feel bad about that. Brandon deserves to be recognized and his difficult life honored. For those who have not experienced something so awful it is a good reminder that there are a lot of people hurting. You want to figure this out and I really hope sharing Brandon's story helps. Brandon likely wanted to find peace and so may he rest. Peace to you alittlelark. Give yourself time.

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #34)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:56 PM

45. Peace to you

I hope this offers some help.

https://afsp.org/ive-lost-someone

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #34)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:07 PM

52. So very sad for your nephew and for you.

Please take care of yourself. There are many supportive suggestions on the responses here. Is there anyone you can lean on?

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #34)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 09:44 AM

117. Please take it one breath at a time.

You might feel as if you don't know how to survive this much pain, but you are surviving it right now, at its very worst. You take a breath. You take another. The breaths do get easier. I promise that they get easier.

When I was suffering this kind of grief, I didn't want to actively kill myself, but neither did I want to move forward with my life. I didn't eat for a month, until on Thanksgiving morning my landlords tentatively knocked on my door and offered me some of their meal. I ate and I sobbed and I knew that I would keep living.

It felt surreal for months, for nearly a year. I felt as if there was something murky and thick between everyone else and me. But there were people who stepped forward because they'd suffered something similar. They gave me a road map and understanding. This is why some people who've been there are recommending talking to a bereavement counselor or joining a group, especially if you don't have close local friends to talk to who would understand.

As you are seeing, there is a big, big club of people who have suffered this kind of loss. We climb out of it, and when we're out, we are there for others.

The person I lost was my fiance. I didn't date for a few years, but now I've been happy with Mr. Femmedem for twenty. I'll always wish that the person I lost had survived. But you are still here, as I am. And you will be ok--for moments, at first, then hours, then days and months and years. And don't ever feel guilty about it. Brandon didn't ever intend for you or anyone else to suffer because of him. He had just fallen into a place where he didn't realize how much he meant to people like you.

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Response to femmedem (Reply #117)

Tue Jul 20, 2021, 10:19 PM

132. Thank You - I needed that at the time,,,,,,,

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #132)

Tue Jul 20, 2021, 11:53 PM

133. You're welcome, dear littlelark.

I'm glad it helped.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:35 PM

35. If, from what I read/heard about Near Death Experiences

(NDEs) is true, he is feeling very loved where he is at now. He probably feels much, much better than he did while alive on Earth.

I am an atheist but this isn't about religion.

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Response to BigmanPigman (Reply #35)

Wed Jul 21, 2021, 09:44 PM

134. That is what keeps me sane now

Thank you for putting it into words !

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:36 PM

36. I'm so sorry

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:39 PM

37. So sad. We are living in such difficult times that many people can't cope. There must be a better

way. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:42 PM

38. i am so sorry.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:42 PM

39. I'm sorry you were dealt such a rough card in life, Brandon.

I hope there's some kind of afterlife, and that you are smiling.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:42 PM

40. Tragic.


I am so sorry and wish you strength for now and eventually peace of mind.
An earlier post mentioned "survivors after suicide" bereavement groups. One way they help is having others who directly understand the godawful feelings of guilt, regret, "what if" and maybe "I'm going crazy" that follow suicide. It helps to know that others are somehow coping.

Peace to you alittlelark.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:44 PM

41. a heartbreaking story

...and I'm so sorry that you feel you somehow could have changed how Brandon felt about himself, but... sometimes no amount of love can substitute therapy and consultation, especially when it comes to addiction. From all the time you spent with him, he knew who loved him, and who cared about him.

We're all holding your hand and hugging you tightly.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:54 PM

43. I'm sorry for your loss

Poor Kid. That life is awful

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:54 PM

44. alittlelark.....

I'm so sorry to hear about your precious nephew.

I lost my best friend's 17 year old son to suicide in January of this year. However, he was raised (adopted from Napal when he was six months old) in the best environment you can imagine. No drugs, no alcohol, 4.6 G.P.A. as Junior in High School.

I have a lot of resources if you'd like to pm me.

Light and love......

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:58 PM

47. You have my deepest sympathy.

I lost a housemate to suicide when I was a young man, but I can't imagine that experience comes close to this.

I wish you peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 05:59 PM

48. ((alittlelark))

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:00 PM

49. I'm so very sorry. How awful.

I'm so, so sorry that Brandon had such a difficult time growing up and felt that this was his only way out. It sounds like you had enough baggage to deal with from a young age yourself so you were in no way equipped to deal with that situation. Please don't blame yourself. It's a goddamned tragedy. Again, I'm so sorry.

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Response to catbyte (Reply #49)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:38 PM

66. 'Brandon' needs to be spread

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:03 PM

50. Gawds this hurts Sooo much !!!!

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #50)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:04 PM

77. The PAIN is palpable

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Response to alittlelark (Reply #50)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:48 PM

112. ...

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:05 PM

51. I'm so sorry.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:11 PM

53. ...

I am so sorry.

My prayer for Brandon is that he now finds peace. My prayer for you, alittlelark, is that you feel the love from this community.

RIP Brandon.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:19 PM

54. (((hugs)))

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:20 PM

55. He died...........................

I need to process

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:20 PM

56. Very heartbreaking!

You sound like you were an amazing aunt and a bright spot in Brandon's life. I am so very sorry for your loss

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:22 PM

57. I am so sorry for your tragic loss


I hope that you will find peace and that your beloved Brandon will as well.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:23 PM

58. .

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:23 PM

59. There are no words...only the knowledge that those here at DU are sending love and strength to you.

For Brandon.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:26 PM

60. I'm so sorry.

He is in pain no longer. May he Rest In Peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:32 PM

61. Gawds, I first saw

and I am falling apart

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:32 PM

62. I am so sorry for the loss of Brandon.

I wish you and your family healing.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:33 PM

63. There's nothing you can do.

In these moments... I can't imagine. I've known people who have gone this route but none close.


You seem grounded. I'am sure your children have picked up on the things you bring to "the table" as it were.

Death, associated to you personally by default brings reflection. Drink up. Positive things can come from loss.

I remember your moniker as a thoughtful mind.

My best to you.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:33 PM

64. I am so sorry for your loss of Brandon but please realize: This is NOT your fault.

You are not responsible for choices made by Brandon, his mother or his grandmother. I pray Brandon is at peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:34 PM

65. I am so sorry - my father was a suicide

He had major depression and probably PTSD from WW II

My mom and I went to suicide support groups twice, and that was a great help. No one who has not been through this can come close to understanding what it does to the survivors. Being with others who "get it" is so supportive.

One of our group leaders told us that Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Problem is, the person has reached a point where the permanence no longer matters, and is not even recognized as such.

The point of all this is that no matter what you knew then or know now, once a person becomes that desperately depressed they have essentially lost touch with reality, so please do not blame yourself.

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Response to yellowdogintexas (Reply #65)

Wed Jul 21, 2021, 09:52 PM

135. Thank You for your response,

I am sooo sorry about your father, but thank you for giving me the wisdom of your experience

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:39 PM

68. I am so, so sorry for your loss

Witness for Brandon.


Please, please call someone. The place you're in right now is terrible, and you don't have to face it all alone.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has resources for those who've lost loved ones to suicide. Please reach out when you're ready (or, honestly, before you think you're ready.) They have so much experience in all the aspects of this horror. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/loss-survivors/

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:42 PM

69. I am so very sorry, alittlelark.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:43 PM

70. He was betrayed

By those who should have loved, wanted and protected him.

I'm so sorry.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:46 PM

71. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:47 PM

72. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:52 PM

73. ...

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:53 PM

74. I am so sorry for his loss

He was robbed of the childhood every child deserves to have.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 06:56 PM

75. So sorry for your loss

I lost my cousin to suicide 26 years ago.

I 7 foot teenage boy who wanted to be left alone. Nobody leaves a 7 foot kid alone.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:00 PM

76. I am here to witness Brandon. And to tell you

that the suicide prevention lines are ALSO there to talk to the guilt-ridden survivors like you. I called after my cuz attempted suicide and I felt guilty, like I'd let him down. They talked me into peace -- call them!

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:10 PM

78. I can not imagine your pain and possibly anger at your sister and Mom

You certainly gave Brandon some respite during the fun summers with you. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:23 PM

82. I'm so sorry, alittlelark..

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:24 PM

83. I am so sorry for your loss.

We had a suicide in our family thirty four years ago. I sometimes wonder to this day if there was anything I could have done differently. Maybe, but I doubt it. If someone is intent on taking their own life you really can't prevent it from happening. Sooner or later they will succeed. Please accept my sincere condolences, and I hope this helps you in some small way.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:24 PM

84. I feel your pain and wish you the best.

My daughter committed suicide seven years ago. She shot herself not more than 50 feet away from me.

Those things will stay with you and never go away.
I don't think they were meant to.

Walk proud that you had a bond with him.
And in those times together, he felt good to be with you.

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Response to padfun (Reply #84)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:38 PM

88. I'm so sorry. Horrible horrible loss

I hope that you can find peace

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:26 PM

85. I am very sorry.

I donít know what else to say.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:31 PM

86. I am so sorry

Such a terrible loss. I hope that you have someone close who can be with you in your grief.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:37 PM

87. So sorry for your loss and the situation

Don't take any responsibility or guilt as its not on you.

Sending you a hug and wish for peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:41 PM

89. I'm so sorry for your loss

and the very difficult life your nephew had.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:44 PM

90. My sincere condolences....

Remember the good memories and he will live peacefully in your heart forever.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:44 PM

91. I'm so sorry

What a heartbreaking tragedy. I can only imagine the pain and sense of devastation you must feel. You cared about him tried to give him vision, a sense of family, and unconditional love.

You may want to seek out grief counseling, or a support group that helps people will with loss of someone due to suicide. There is a group called "SAVE", Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, they have information on dealing with loss and grief. You may also know of something in your community.

I lift you up to light of healing, and peace. May Brandon R.I.P. .

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 07:58 PM

92. My condolences to you and your family..

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 08:09 PM

93. Condolences!

We had a niece do the same.
Her childhood wasn't hard.
We still don't know the real reason.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 08:11 PM

94. I'm so very sorry.

I wish there was something I could say that would help.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 08:12 PM

95. My condolences - and reminder to love yourself

What you describe is a classic dysfunctional family - abuse, narcissism, control, substance and religious addiction, and personality disorders.

Itís true that we canít change people. Changing ourselves is hard enough, and often impossible without a support group or professional counselor.

A 12 step group I highly recommend for people raised in this environment is called Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (adultchildren.org).


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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 08:18 PM

96. My heart and empathy are both with you in your loss.

I've dealt with both addiction and depression in my own family. I know the limitations of what you could actually do all to well.

You're in my thoughts. I wish you peace and healing. ❤️

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 08:27 PM

97. Such a sad life for him

Youíve done more than they have, based on your post.
Heís in a better place now

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 09:10 PM

98. I'm so very sorry

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 09:10 PM

99. my deepest sympathies.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 09:26 PM

100. I am so sorry. Please don't blame yourself. The way I see it is he died from

mental illness. You have to have some sort of mental illness to have a brain convince you to take your own life. It doesn't make sense. And then everyone all around feels guilty like they should or shouldn't have done something.

If anything I would suggest you get help from a suicide support groups and/or suggest it to his mom.

Be kind and gentle with yourself.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 09:27 PM

101. Heartfelt prayers and condolences to you and your family.

No death of a loved one is harder than a loss to suicide. May the suvivors of this tragedy find peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 09:31 PM

102. My deepest condolences to you and your family

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 09:47 PM

103. I'm So Sorry For Your Loss

Words fail me. I hope you can find some peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 09:56 PM

104. My heart aches for you

and for Brandon

Wishing you peace

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:15 PM

105. I'm so sorry for your loss of your Nephew.

I lost my Nephew to a drug overdose almost 5 years ago. I know the pain you are going through. Peace. love and light to you at this difficult time.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:18 PM

106. he wanted off the planet

my brother wanted off the planet and it had a huge effect on surviving members who blamed themselves - what if , what if..... and echoes on and on....

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:27 PM

107. So sorry

Please take it easy on yourself. On top of everything else, when someone ODs or succumbs to substance abuse you will always be filled with ideas of what you could have and should have done. But the reality is most days they keep bumbling on and they only come close once in awhile and only actually die once. Other than seeing how to better guide others, there is little to be gained with wishing you could have done better. I lost my best friend 15 years ago and I still have emotional issues with accepting it on occasion.

I'll bet you did much to aid them and tried hard to help them recover.

Take care and give time and space to grieve.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:34 PM

109. So many families are touched by a tragedy like this.

My best friend's brother and his son both took their own lives.

Please accept my most deep sympathy for your loss and my prayers for your peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:39 PM

110. I am so sorry, lark.

I wish both you and dear Brandon peace. I hope he is resting peacefully and that all his pain is gone. You were a positive force in his life and he was probably happiest when he was with you and your family, but once someone is in the grip of an addiction like that, there was very little you could do.

Your sister didn't help things at all by getting him addicted to alcohol as a baby/toddler by putting wine in his bottle. He probably associated the high of alcohol with nurturing and love, and continued to chase that feeling his whole life and it just kept escalating.

Again, my condolences and may Brandon rest in peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Sun Jul 18, 2021, 10:47 PM

111. My condolences on the loss of your nephew

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 05:58 AM

113. I'm so sorry, alittlelark.

Iím so sorry.

What a waste. Poor tortured soul.

Iím so sorry.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 06:04 AM

114. My deepest sympathies, littlelark. Please be kind to yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine your nephew greatly looked forward to summer with you and your family. You gave him good memories.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 09:03 AM

115. I am so sorry

for all of you Ö the angst and pain take a toll on the soul

My (virtual) arms are around you (((((((hugs)))))))

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 09:17 AM

116. I am so very sorry for you and for Brandon.

I have a friend who lost her son to suicide a little over a year ago. He had been a tormented soul for a very long time. Even though she--and his sister and his stepfather--did everything they could think of to help him, he still ended up taking his life. Despite his life of growing up in a loving family he couldn't get past his pain. One of the things someone wrote in public condolences to my friend really struck me: He never was able to hear the music. Never able to sustain the joy.

Please don't "if only" yourself. You did what you could--despite his horrible childhood--and you gave him and his brother wonderful summers. Hold those memories close.





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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 09:48 AM

118. Oh, I am so so sorry. No words.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 09:57 AM

119. Please find

a grief support group. I have a friend who lost her son to suicide and she says the support group is all that has carried her through. Sending healing energy your way.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 10:44 AM

120. Comfort and peace to you, alittlelark.

and I bring witness for Brandon's troubled life now that the loving Creator has changed his human energy. I believe that all our energies will be changed upon human Death into other forms of energy similar to that from which we were Born, blissfully loving, heavenly and eternal. Those energies hopefully have positive impact in our world, lovely forms of Light that can so easily be damaged but then once again returning to being free, whole, wise, cleansing and healthy. That choice was his pathway back onto that energetic path, one unfazed by human pain and evil, after enduring such a troubled early life. You sought to ease in him what you, too, had perceived and identified, as you sought to share that less toxic pathway with him for a time.

Hoping Brandon has now found that comfort too.

Allow the light of those who care, alittlelark, to bring you both the peace, support, resolve, and comfort that you, at this difficult time of change now require -

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 10:52 AM

121. 😢😢😢

Heartbreaking 💔

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 11:11 AM

122. I'm so sorry for your loss.

And I'm so sorry for his loss.

Dysfunctional families bring so much tragedy to people's lives....I know all about that. I avoided suicide myself in college, but just barely. When the pain just won't go away, and your life feels like all hope is already dead, suicide feels like the only way to achieve peace.

The only reason I didn't end it all was because I convinced myself that, if I killed myself, I'd be on "the other side" with the same problems and no way to end them! No other way out! So I stuck it out on antidepressants and 30 years of counseling. I'm really glad I did.

The terrible pain ended after a couple of years, and I distanced myself from the ongoing problems in my family as best I could.

alittlelark, I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I truly hope Brandon can rest in peace, and that you can find the peace in your heart that you deserve.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 12:06 PM

123. I am very sorry for your loss..

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 12:17 PM

124. I'm so terribly sorry

Please know you did the best you could. You were so young, and you had to escape for your own sanity.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 12:45 PM

125. Words are inadequate

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please remember, your were the bright spot in your young nephews life. You showed him love and what it was like to have a family. Do not blame yourself although I know, from personal experience, how difficult that can be. Be kind to yourself and I will put and your nephew Brandon in thoughts and prayers. May he, and you find peace

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 01:20 PM

126. I'm so sorry.

I can't imagine how much pain you must be feeling, and I hope you are able to find some peace.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 01:31 PM

127. alittlelark, I am so sorry.

I wish more would have been done to save him, that the people nearest him had seen his despair.

I hope all of you can get bereavement care and counseling.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 01:45 PM

128. This death should never have happened!

Hugs to you.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 02:39 PM

129. My condolences to you and your family for such a terrible loss.

I wish I had more than words to offer.

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 03:01 PM

130. I am so very sorry

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Response to alittlelark (Original post)

Mon Jul 19, 2021, 11:02 PM

131. So sorry.

I have no words of comfort to offer, unfortunately. But I do thank you for sharing. Your post "grounded" me and reminded me of what is really important. I'm glad that you reached out to your DU community.

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