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Thu Jul 15, 2021, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #11-1: Stop! Or My Former President Will Shoot! Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #11-1: Stop! Or My Former President Will Shoot! Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We are back everybody! First off, congrats to the Tampa Bay Lightning for winning their second Stanley Cup in a row! And you know what? When you visit the White House, you can rest assured that you won’t be greeted with a McDonalds and Domino’s Pizza buffet! Yeah that happened! We are baaaaaack! And whew, look at all you beautiful people! We’ve been gone six whole weeks, and that is a long ass time to be gone! I’m sure everyone saw the big news that Holy Shit is getting a limited run spinoff towards the end of the season! We cannot wait for that. And it’s so great to be back in front of live audiences again. After nearly an entire year being spent in that blue void was really getting to me. But we’ve also got other big changes in store for season 11. And you can see all of those being announced on our Twitter feed @10Idiots. One of the biggest changes we’re making – Top 10 Investigates is no longer going to be a weekly feature. It was getting really hard to write and find material for this feature every week, so it is going to instead become a recurring feature. But really I cannot wait to get into the meat of this season because it is really shaping up to be our best one yet. OK enough of the intro this week – we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first, Bill Maher spills the beans on who Ashlii Babbitt really is, and this ties into one of our entries this week!

So where do we begin this week? As usual whenever we are gone for an extended period of time, we like to play catch up on stuff we missed (1) and boy did we miss a lot of stuff! Taking the second slot this week is a CPAC recap, or we could call it “I held a convention with a bunch of unvaccinated people indoors and all I got was this lousy virus”. In the third slot this week is The Former Guy (3) and apparently he’s been plotting to retake the White House, at about the same pace as Wiley Coyote attempts to catch the Road Runner. But he doesn’t have any path! Taking the number 4 slot, we’re going to talk about Ashlii Babbitt (4) the Former Guy supporter who was shot by the police in the Capitol Riot. Was it really a mystery? No it wasn’t and we will be presenting some evidence to the contrary! Taking the number 5 slot this week, is also the Former Guy (5) and yes, we have to talk about the relaunch of his idiot MAGA rallies. You know, you got to re jumpstart the brand after it was almost killed on January 6th. Taking the number 6 slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in Holy Shit (6) and this week, while the LGBT community celebrated with their annual Pride celebrations, the religious right once again wasn’t having any of it, and our resident pastor is going to bring you up to speed on their evil doings! Taking the number 7 slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” – do we really need to see Bill Cosby live? Easy answer to that is hell no! Taking the #8 slot this week is a new edition of our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable – Conspiracy Corner (8)! And this week after President Biden suggested that we attempt to get vaccination numbers up the old fashioned way – by going door to door – conservatives not only aren’t having any of it, they’re floating wild conspiracies that this is part of a much more sinister plot! Or is it? In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is a new People Are Dumb (9) because of course they are! Finally this week it’s time to debut our brand new recurring segment that will focus on the states that voted for the Former Guy and why they voted for the Former Guy – Red State Diaries (10)! And this week we’re starting with a trip to explore the Sooner State – Oklahoma! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed
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As usual whenever the Top 10 takes an extended holiday, we like to play catch up on stuff that we missed – and holy shit did we miss a lot! I mean crap, we took a full six fucking weeks off, and that almost never happens. So what did we miss in six weeks? Well of course I’m obviously not going to go over all of it, but what has to be my absolute favorite thing of the last month and a half was seeing the former guy launch a blog, then after 28 days, take down said blog, because no one was paying attention to him! See, Trump is like that kid you see screaming out of control at Target because his parents won’t buy him a toy. And he’ll do whatever it takes to get said toy, but we won’t talk about his war on social media just yet. It seems Trump needs Big Tech almost as much as he decries it. But I do have to admit, Twitter is much better without him!

Former President Donald Trump’s blog — a webpage where he shared statements after larger social media companies banned him from their platforms — has been permanently shut down, his spokesman said Wednesday.

The page “From the Desk of Donald J. Trump” has been scrubbed from Trump’s website after going live less than a month earlier.

It “will not be returning,” his senior aide Jason Miller told CNBC.

“It was just auxiliary to the broader efforts we have and are working on,” Miller said via email.

He declined to provide additional details about those efforts.

“Hoping to have more information on the broader efforts soon, but I do not have a precise awareness of timing,” Miller said.

And while I don’t want that guy to take up a lot of the news this week, we do have to talk about Spygate – 2021 style! That’s right – only this time it’s Nixon level politics taken to serious extremes. And don’t worry – we’ll get to Tucker Carlson in a minute, but this claim is absolutely absurd. So who does Trump choose to spy on? That’s right – his mortal enemy, Adam Schiff! Never mind that we have actual, home grown terrorists, Adam Schiff needs to be investigated because… reasons!

On Thursday, The New York Times dropped a bombshell report that former President Donald Trump's Justice Department got a subpoena from Apple to spy on politically opposed members of Congress and their families, including House Intelligence Committee Chair Adam Schiff (D-CA).

According to CNN's John Berman, Schiff is calling for an inspector general investigation into whether any misconduct was involved in the surveillance.

Schiff also took to Twitter to fire back against the former president, writing, "This baseless investigation, while now closed, is yet another example of Trump's corrupt weaponization of justice. And how much he imperiled our democracy."


Yeah so in case you’re wondering if that’s a pizza delivery truck parked outside your house, that might actually be Trump abusing his powers and spying on his political opponents. On the flip side to that, there’s Tucker Carlson. Who has been as batshit crazy as ever. In fact he’s so insane that he thinks that the NSA – currently under President Biden - is spying on him! Yeah, Tucker, you might want to turn down the tin foil hat there. And no, we don’t need the Tucker reaction cam for this one!

Fox News' Tucker Carlson said this week that the National Security Agency is spying on him as part of a plan to knock his show "off the air."

The NSA promptly denied the allegations, saying it focuses exclusively on "foreign targets." Critics dismissed Carlson's claim as a cynical attempt to rile up his conservative viewers who have made him the most watched host on cable news.

But is there any way that Carlson's allegations are true, or partially accurate?

The National Security Agency's mission is focused on tracking threats from overseas, and is authorized to scoop up emails, texts, phone calls and other electronic data from virtually any foreign source, including heads of state, foreign government officials, foreign spies and terrorist organizations.

But speaking of Fox News, you know that they’re going all in on their war against “woke culture” because it is getting to be quite ridiculous. And really it’s Fox News that are the ridiculous ones here, because for the last 20 fucking years, we’ve been told to support the troops. Well get this – now Fox News is actually having the balls to say we need to “defund the military”. And why is that you might ask? I answer you – they “got woke”! If you ain’t woke you’re broke!

The Fox News host described the Joint Chiefs chairman's comments about the academic theory—which examines the ways race and racism intersect with politics, culture and the law—as "ridiculous."

In a Wednesday night segment on her show The Ingraham Angle, she said: "We are sending out tax dollars to this military in an attempt to weed out so-called 'extremists,' which just means conservative evangelicals as far as I can tell.

"We're paying for that? Why is Congress not saying: 'We're not going to give you a penny until all of this is eradicated from the military budget. Nothing. This is my offer to you. Nothing.'"


She later added: "I have a question for the general: why would anyone risk his or her life for a country that's systemically racist? One that brutalizes minorities.

"Why would any country respect us or follow our lead if that's who we are? Those are some of the questions he should probably think about before he touts the value of teaching far-left, Marxist, racist ideology to our troops."

Oh and I also have to mention one of my favorite things to happen in the time we were off – the famous “Redneck Rave”! Yes it’s the event that’s part country music concert and part post-apocalyptic nightmare world! I mean this thing was insane. I’ve already expressed my disgust for the country hip hop genre, and we may have to do a deep dive into that in a future edition. But yeah… I’ll just leave this here.

A massive country music festival in Kentucky this past weekend started off on rocky footing: Police found meth, marijuana, and an open bottle of alcohol in the first vehicle they stopped at a traffic checkpoint. One of the people in the car had two active warrants out for their arrest.

“We were like, ‘Well, this doesn’t bode well for the weekend,’” Edmonson County Sheriff Shane Doyle told the Lexington Herald-Leader.

Police said that by the end of the five-day bash, dubbed the “Redneck Rave,” one man had been impaled, one woman had been strangled to the point of unconsciousness, and one throat had been slit. In all, Edmonson authorities arrested 14 people, and charged four dozen people from five states.

The event, organized by country rapper Justin Time, took place in Blue Holler Offroad Park and drew a crowd of tens of thousands, doubling the population of the unincorporated town of Ollie, which is so small it does not have a stoplight. Redneck Rave promoters bragged that they had sold more than 20,000 tickets. The lengthy getdown, advertised as the “biggest country party you’ll ever go to,” boasted a demolition derby, goldfish racing, and a full-scale football game as well as a series of concerts.

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[font size="8"]CPAC Recap
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Ah yes it’s July which means that it’s time for my favorite shit show of the year – the Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC. And it’s been quite the shit show. And you know what? The GOP should just change its’ name to the Trump Party. Because that’s literally all that entire conference was, and if you don’t believe me, just look at the list of keynote speakers. First there was Trump, and then there was Trump Jr, and then you have people like Kristi Noem and Ron DeSantis. And then further down the list, you have people like this guy who founded a group called “Black Guns Matter”. Yeah so that exists. And then Caitlyn Jenner showed up for some reason, and people outside and inside the con weren’t having any of it. Hey Cait, you chose this party and all the hate and vitriol it represents.

Caitlyn Jenner was harassed and hit with transphobic abuse while attending the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Dallas.

A heckler filmed himself approaching the former reality TV star, who is running for governor of California, and repeatedly deadnaming her and calling her a "sick freak."

Calling a transgender person by their birth name is known as deadnaming, and it can be a stressful and triggering experience.

A video of the abuse was posted to Twitter by the account Patriot Takes, which monitors right-wing media. The identity of the attacker who filmed the video is not clear.

The video shows the heckler approaching Jenner while she poses for photos in the lobby of the Hilton Anatole Hotel.

Yeah so that happened. And by the way I’m not even going to say exactly what the Family Research Council has planned for trans people, but you can read it here. Yeah pretty horrifying shit! Speaking of horrifying shit, I’m going to paraphrase a quote from Marge Simpson here. “You know, Fox News morphed into a hardcore death cult so fast, nobody really noticed”. And in case you’re wondering if Fox News has turned the GOP against humanity, look no further!

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the longtime director of the US National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said Sunday he was horrified when attendees of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) appeared to cheer about the US failing to reach its vaccination goal this month.

Video of a CPAC discussion at its second conference of 2021 in Dallas posted to social media appeared to show the crowd cheering on the US' inability to vaccinate most of its population.

"They were hoping -- the government was hoping -- they could sucker 90% of the population into getting vaccinated. And it isn't happening," said Alex Berenson, a former New York Times reporter who The Atlantic earlier this year dubbed "the pandemic's wrongest man."

Berenson was interrupted by cheers from the audience before he continued, claiming that younger people were avoiding getting vaccination because of potential side effects. "It's horrifying," Fauci said Sunday during an appearance on CNN's "State of the Union." "They are cheering about someone saying that it's a good thing for people not to try and save their lives,"...

Read more: https://www.businessinsider.com/fauci-horrifying-cpac-cheered-lagging-vax-rate-2021-7

Yeah pretty much. We may have to expand on this next week for a new “We’re All Gonna Die”. But this has to be my favorite part of CPAC. Of course you knew blathering chatterbox Donald J. Trump was the keynote speaker and headliner of CPAC in a move that surprised absolutely no one. But even Fox News has to be careful of his bullshit because they captioned him! That’s right – Fox News had to lay a caption over Trump’s bullshit! Even they think he’s gone too far. Can we show that?

Former President Donald Trump aired his same old election grievances Sunday, but Fox News mixed things up a little with an on-screen disclaimer about his false claims.

During a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Dallas, Trump launched into his tired fiction that he received more votes than Joe Biden in the 2020 election. After those comments, while Trump had switched topics, a chyron caption appeared on Fox News’ broadcast that said: “The voting system companies have denied the various allegations made by President Trump and his counsel regarding the 2020 election.”

The chyron stayed on the screen for 38 seconds, according to Mediaite.

Fox News is defending defamation lawsuits filed by voting systems companies Dominion and Smartmatic after allowing guests to spout outrageous conspiracy theories that the election was fixed.

That’s right folks – this is the disclaimer! And that disclaimer means that something that Donald Trump says is bullshit, which shocks absolutely no one! I’m sure Noodles would appreciate that joke! And by the way remember how earlier in this entry I mentioned how the GOP is becoming the Trump Party? I mean it’s not that far from the truth. In fact if you look at the Straw Poll, the only guy who could even come close to beating Trump is Florida Man Ron DeSantis! Yup, they are insane! Maybe they should change their name to the Brain Slug Party!

Former President Trump and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) led the pack in the Conservative Political Action Conference's (CPAC) straw poll for the 2024 GOP presidential nominee.

Trump held a commanding lead, with 70 percent of those who responded to the survey saying they would vote for him in the Republican primary if it were held today. DeSantis came in second with 21 percent.

But when polling the 2024 Republican primary ballot without Trump, DeSantis led the pack with 68 percent of the vote.

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), Fox News host Tucker Carlson, South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (R) and former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo (R) all received 1 percent in the poll that included Trump.


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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Yeah unfortunately now that most of the gears of society are starting to turn again, that means that we must talk about Loser 45 again. And you know what? I don’t even want to mention his name. So for the sake of this piece, we’re going to talk about him, and I will reference him as “The Former Guy”. If you’ve been following right wing social media like we have, you’ll know that there’s talk on the right about Trump possibly being reinstated by August. Of course, Mike Lindell, the Harley Quinn to Trump’s Joker, says that he’s got proof so definitive that the Supreme Court would have no choice but to vote 9-0 to reinstate Trump as POTUS. Which, that ain’t happening. And yes, there’s no way that’s happening.

The Justice Department said this week that former President Donald Trump's delusional claims that he'll be reinstated to the White House could fuel more political violence from his supporters.
Trump and some of his allies on the right-wing fringe have pushed the ridiculous theory that he could be reinstated as president next month. There is no legal or constitutional mechanism for that to happen, and Trump's claims of a "stolen" 2020 election have been fully debunked.
Federal prosecutors brought up Trump's rhetoric this week in one of the US Capitol riot cases.

The rioter, Marine Corps veteran Alex Harkrider, asked a judge to discontinue his GPS tracking and remove his ankle monitor. The Justice Department opposes this request, saying Trump's rhetoric could inspire Harkrider to become violent in the future. Harkrider has pleaded not guilty.

"Former President Trump continues to make false claims about the election, insinuate that he may be reinstalled in the near future as President without another election, and minimize the violent attack on the Capitol," prosecutors wrote in the filing. "Television networks continue to carry and report on those claims, with some actually giving credence to the false reporting."

Yes, Trump is fucking crazy all right! In fact you know what he’s doing at his hidey-hole at Mar-A-Shithole? He’s literally channeling his inner Godfather and setting up a consigliere where people come and kiss his feet for his blessing. Yeah I mean seriously you can’t get much more Don than this, and since Fox News is acting like the Mafia, anyone who falls out of line with the Trump Party gets the cement shoes!

Since he left Washington in turmoil in January, Donald Trump has spent the bulk of his brief, contentious post-presidency holed up in what Karl Rove calls his “Fortress of Solitude”—Mar‑a‑Lago, his private club in Palm Beach. It’s an odd sort of isolation: Although he’s largely cut off from the outside world, Trump is hardly alone.

Tossed from the White House, banished from Facebook and Twitter, Trump has never seemed more distant from public consciousness. But while he can’t broadcast out, those same platforms offer a surprisingly intimate glimpse into his new life, thanks to the prolific posting of the club’s guests. At every moment of his day, Trump is bathed in adulation. When he enters the dining room, people stand and applaud. When he returns from golf, he’s met with squeals and selfie requests. When he leaves Mar-a-Lago, he often encounters flag-waving throngs organized by Willy Guardiola, a former professional harmonica player and anti-abortion activist who runs weekly pro-Trump rallies in Palm Beach. “Give me four hours and I can pull together 500 people,” Guardiola says. Trump recently invited the self-proclaimed “biggest Trump supporter in the country” for a private consultation at his club.

In this gilded Biosphere, Trump encounters no one who isn’t vocally gratified by his presence. When he speaks extemporaneously, so many guests post footage that you can watch the same weird scene unfold from multiple vantage points, like the Japanese film Rashomon. Trump seems so comfortable, the journalist and Instagram sleuth Ashley Feinberg has noted, that he’s taken to wearing the same outfit for days on end. Blue slacks, white golf shirt, and red MAGA cap are to the former president what the black Mao suit is to his old frenemy Kim Jong Un. Club members say his new lifestyle agrees with him. “Presidents when they finish always look so much older,” says Thomas Peterffy, the billionaire founder of Interactive Brokers LLC, who lives three doors down from Mar-a-Lago. “Not true for Trump.”

Not sure if this is Al Pacino in Godfather or Johnny Depp in Dark Shadows. Maybe it’s an equal mix of each one. Actually maybe it’s more Danny DeVito in “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!”. Think of this as “Stop! Or My Former President Will Shoot!”. Thank you graphics department for that one! But that said, here’s where it gets scary. 30% of republicans think that Trump is going to be reinstated in August. I guess when you believe lies long enough they eventually become fact.

Even though the U.S. Constitution includes no mechanism that would allow the “reinstatement” of a president who lost an election, a new poll shows nearly a quarter of Americans — including 30% of Republican voters — believe it’s “likely” former President Donald Trump returns to the White House this year, a recent poll from The Hill/HarrisX shows.

While the former president looms large over the Republican Party and may run again in 2024, he will not be reinstated to office this year. Legal experts say the notion is pure fiction — a conspiracy theory promulgated by My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell that Trump has floated to confidants, according to The New York Times and The National Review.

But HarrisX’s survey of nearly 1,000 registered voters last week shows similar results to a Politico/Morning Consult poll that found nearly a third of Republicans say it’s likely Trump takes over for President Joe Biden sometime later this year.

The idea is linked to Trump’s repeated baseless claims that widespread election fraud or irregularities cost him the White House. In fact, Biden won by more than 7 million popular votes and bested Trump in the Electoral College 306 to 232. Congress certified the electoral count in January despite the failed, deadly attack on the U.S. Capitol by a mob of Trump followers.

Yeah probably! In fact the reinstatement theory is too far for some. In fact our old friend Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q – Batshit) thinks that people who believe the reinstatement theory are too far gone from society. Now when you’re too batshit for Marjorie Taylor Greene, or as I like to call her “Q Anon Barbie”, you’re pretty far gone! So yeah I would tell the Trumpers to let that one seep in because they already are too far gone. Yeah just like the Eagles song!

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene rejected the conspiracy theory that Donald Trump will be reinstated as president in August.

She dismissed it while speaking to Steve Bannon on his "War Room: Pandemic" show, hosted by the fringe right-wing network Real America's Voice.

"I want people to be careful in what they believe," the Georgia Republican said.

"It's going to be very difficult to overturn the 2020 election, and so I'd hate for anyone to get their hopes up thinking that President Trump is going to be back in the White House in August," she said. "Because that's not true."

The conspiracy theory that Trump will soon be reinstated as president has gained traction among prominent supporters including MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell and the lawyer Sidney Powell.

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[font size="8"]Who Shot Ashlii Babbitt?
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So… The Former Guy wants to go there, huh? All right, two can play that game! But before we get into the meat of this endeavor, go back to the beginning of this edition and watch Bill Maher spill the beans on who Ashlii Babbitt really is. But if he wants to play that game, let’s make no mistake that he is trying to get that officer killed. I’m just throwing that out there, he really is Vladimir Putin lite. Thank you graphics department for that one! Doesn’t taste great, but is less filling! But what is really scary is that Ashlii Babbitt is someone who is not to be celebrated for what they did. But that’s what the Former Guy does – he makes his people into martyrs simply because they kiss his ass 24 hours a day, and no one loves getting their ass kissed more!

When Air Force veteran Ashli Babbitt, 35, was shot dead by police while trying to force her way through a barricaded door protecting members of the House of Representatives from a mob of rioters inside the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, she was energized in part by then-President Donald Trump's big lie that Democrats were hard at work stealing the White House from its rightful Republican owners.

When Air Force veteran Ashli Babbitt, 35, was shot dead by police while trying to force her way through a barricaded door protecting members of the House of Representatives from a mob of rioters inside the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, she was energized in part by then-President Donald Trump's big lie that Democrats were hard at work stealing the White House from its rightful Republican owners.

Far from dampening support for the big lie, Babbitt's death is being amplified by Trump loyalists into a powerful rallying symbol for far-right anti-government extremists the FBI calls terrorists, who now find aid and comfort within a Trumpified GOP.

Babbitt's canonization as a right-wing martyr is a dangerous development for a Republican Party with members increasingly comfortable pressing for and defending political violence. Trump himself seems to want to use outrage over Babbitt's death as a blast furnace to heat up his 2024 political comeback — but cheerleading extremism is more likely to send the country up in smoke.

"Who was the person who shot an innocent, wonderful, incredible woman?" Trump asked Fox Business anchor Maria Bartiromo on Sunday, before interrupting himself to offer an answer: "I will tell you, they know who shot Ashley Babbitt. They're protecting that person. I've heard also that it was the head of security for a certain high official — a Democrat."

And that is the appropriate reaction to this! What’s scary is that the Trump / MAGA party attracts awful behavior, and not only that, these people are proud of their awful behavior. But if the Former Guy wants to go there, we are truly prepared to play hardball because we could keep presenting evidence all day. But here’s how this is going to go – like a broken record, Trump will just shrug it off as “fake news” if he doesn’t agree with it. Because that’s how the mob works.

Former President Donald Trump in his speech at the CPAC conservative conference Sunday made a frank admission: that he judges the reliability of poll results on whether he wins them.

If he didn't like the result of a poll he'd call it fake, but if he approved of the result he'd lavish it with praise, he said.

Speaking at the event in Dallas, Trump discussed the straw poll recording the popularity of potential 2024 Republican presidential candidates in the hours before its results came out.

"By the way, you have a poll coming out," Trump said during his hour and a half-long speech. "I want to know what it is. You know they do that straw poll, right?"

See kids, this is the logical fallacy known as “Ad “Iknowyouarebutwhatami” Infinium”! It might have worked on Pee Wee’s Playhouse, but it doesn’t really work in the real world, does it? The Former Guy can make that claim all he wants to. But in the end we know that his call to find out who shot Ashlii Babbitt is a dog whistle for his followers to go out and commit a murder of their own, because you know they’re going to!

Last Thursday, Donald Trump announced a new theme, with all his customary blunt-force subtlety. “Who shot Ashli Babbitt?,” he wrote on his official pseudo-presidential stationery. Those four words were the entirety of the message.

Two days later, at his rally in Florida, he said more. “Who shot Ashli Babbitt? We all saw the hand. We saw the gun … You know, if that were on the other side, the person that did the shooting would be strung up and hung. Okay? Now, they don’t want to give the name … It’s a terrible thing, right? Shot. Boom. And it’s a terrible thing.”

And then, speaking Wednesday about his lawsuit challenging his social-media ban, Trump returned to the subject again. Asked about the insurrection, he changed the subject to the terrible people on the other side who were not being charged, and brought up Babbitt once again: “The person that shot Ashli Babbitt. Boom. Right through the head. Just, boom. There was no reason for that. And why isn’t that person being opened up, and why isn’t that being studied?”

Oh people stop your rabbling! As much as you don’t want to admit it, but Ashlii Babbitt’s killer is, well, Ashlii Babbitt. And also her 24/7 embrace of the Donald Trump MAGA lifestyle. See, by buying into the bullshit, it’s no mistake who her real killer is – it’s Donald Trump. The problem? When you start floating dangerous conspiracy theories 24 hours a day, people start believing them! And it’s only a matter of time before someone gets killed! Don’t be surprised if it happens again!

Ashli Babbitt should be alive right now. A Capitol Police officer shot and killed the 35-year-old woman on January 6 outside the House chamber as she and other pro-Trump rioters besieged it. Babbitt was one of five people who died during or shortly after the insurrection, along with three other Trump supporters and Officer Brian Sicknick. Two other officers died by suicide in the weeks that followed.

Among those seven deaths, former President Donald Trump and other MAGA adherents have taken a particular interest in Babbitt. He sent out a tweet-like statement last week that simply read, “Who shot Ashli Babbitt?” Then he suggested at a rally on Wednesday that the unidentified officer’s actions weren’t justified. “The person that shot Ashli Babbitt—boom, right through the head,” he told the crowd. “Just, boom. There was no reason for that. And why isn’t that person being opened up, and why isn’t that being studied? They’ve already written it off. They said that case is closed. If that were the opposite, that case would be going on for years and years, and it would not be pretty.” His allies have followed suit: Earlier this week, Arizona Congressman Paul Gosar published a press release titled, “Who killed Ashli Babbitt?”

The rush to turn Babbitt into a martyr is part of a broader effort among conservatives and Trump loyalists to rewrite the history of January 6—to recast it as a peaceful protest with a few bad apples, rather than a mob of thousands who overwhelmed law enforcement and rampaged through the halls of Congress. But “Who killed Ashli Babbitt?” is actually a pretty easy question to answer: She was killed by the people who keep asking the question.

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[font size="8"]MAGA Rallies
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Yeah unfortunately this is one of those editions where I really didn’t want to spend all edition talking about President Turd Burglar, but if he’s in the news we got to talk about it. You know now that the wheels of society are starting to turn the gears once again, that means that yes, our former president is once again taking his road show back out to stadiums and venues across the country. Oh and don’t miss his headlining tour with Bill O’Reilly coming this fall! Oh yeah, I absolutely will miss that one thank you very much. But that said, you know he’s itching to get back out there and restore the MAGA brand, even though they will always be remembered as the party who smeared poop on the walls at the Capitol. But yes, sadly, he’s back everybody.

Former President Donald Trump returns home to Florida today for yet another political rally. But this time, the stakes may be higher.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is considered a front-runner for the Republican nomination in 2024, and in a recent straw poll by the Western Conservative Summit, he beat Trump 74-71 as the potential nominee.

DeSantis won’t attend Trump’s Sarasota rally, but his presence will loom over the event. Some reports, denied by DeSantis, said he asked Trump to postpone the rally in the wake of the condo collapse in Miami.

Crowds are already lining up for the 8 PM rally, being held at the Sarasota Fairgrounds. It is the third campaign-style event in recent weeks, following a rally in Ohio and Trump appearance at the Texas border. Newsmax will televise and stream the rally, starting with a pre-show at 6 PM ET.

Well we’re not going to do that just yet because apparently the gods were pissed at the Former Guy, because guess what? All those overflow supporters of his? They got rained on outside the rally! That’s right – it got rained on! Where’s Nelson when you need him? But here’s where it gets weird. So the Former Guy is now insisting that he’s being singled out and persecuted because he’s him! Never mind the criminal charges or the attempted murder.

Donald Trump took his revenge tour to his new home-state of Florida Saturday night but had a fresh target: the indictments against the Trump Organization.

Trump held his rally — the second since he left office — as the state and nation continue to mourn a South Florida condo collapse that left at least 20 dead and more than 100 still unaccounted for. It also comes two days after prosecutors unsealed an indictment alleging Trump Organization and its chief financial officer did not report or pay taxes on $1.7 million in fringe benefits and other perks.

Trump tore into the indictments in front of thousands of cheering fans at a fairgrounds in Sarasota, casting the allegations as a politically-motivated prosecution against him, his family and business.

“You didn’t pay taxes on the car, or company apartment...or education for your grandchildren,” Trump said of the allegations facing the Trump Organization and its longtime CFO Allen Weisselberg. “They indict people for that, but murder and selling massive amount of the worst drugs in the world that kill people left and right, and that’s alright?”

Sigh… seriously Trump is becoming more Sideshow Bob at this point. But really I feel like this question must be asked – what is he saving America from? I mean of course he’s going to “SLAM PROSECUTORS!!!!1!!!” because he’s the one being indicted! Come on, if you’re going to fuck up, you might as well fuck up in such a way that people say “WOW! That guy really fucked up!”.

During his second campaign-style rally after his presidency ended in January, Donald Trump raged against New York prosecutors targeting his Trump Organization and its chief financial officer, who pleaded not guilty this week to a range of criminal charges related to a years-long tax fraud probe.

After his company’s longtime chief financial officer Allen Weisselberg pleaded not guilty in Manhattan Criminal Court on Thursday, the former president dismissed the case as “prosecutorial misconduct” but appeared to acknowledge the charges against him and his company.

“You didn’t pay tax on the car or a company apartment ... you didn’t pay tax, or education for your grandchildren,” he said at his rally in Sarasota, Florida on 3 July. “Does anybody know the answer to that stuff?”

The president held his rally across the state from emergency crews still searching for survivors in the wake of a building collapse north of Miami.

Well nobody who speaks German could be an evil man! And if you go back a couple of entries, the MAGA movement isn’t dying anytime soon. In fact it’s getting weirder, because the only guy who could beat Florida Man is another Florida Man – Ron DeSantis. But guess what? He didn’t show at the rally because…. drum roll… that part of Florida was declared a state of emergency because of what happened at Surfside! Cue infinite facepalms!

Former President Donald Trump's Sarasota rally scheduled for Saturday is moving ahead despite a report that Gov. Ron DeSantis' office asked for the event to be postponed while the governor responds to the mass casualty event in Surfside.

A report published Wednesday in the conservative Washington Examiner says the governor's office made a "direct plea" to Trump's team to cancel the rally, citing unnamed sources.

The governor's office put out a statement Wednesday denying that DeSantis wants to postpone the rally, and GOP officials said the rally is going forward as planned.

Trump spokesperson Liz Harrington noted the Sarasota rally is a significant distance from Surfside and said it won't interfere with the disaster response.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit [br] [/font] [br]
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Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin this week. I would like to debut this trailer for our new series, please enjoy! Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons. Coming October 10th!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know we were gone for an extended period of time. But while we had a great idea for a sermon work its’ way through our ranks, we just couldn’t find enough information for our sources. So instead we’re just going to free form it and talk about whatever we feel like talking about, because in this day and age, the supporters of the unholy, ungodly Dark One – a being so disgusting and horrible that his name shall not be spoken in my church, are always plotting something horrible! For instance, how can anyone be shocked by this? You know we’re still in a pandemic, and the only way to get out of this is for you to get vaccinated! So why would anyone be surprised that a church with a large congregation would all get the virus? I know I’m not!

The pastor of a Texas church publicly prayed for God to end COVID-19 after at least 125 children and adults contracted the virus at a student ministry camp, where masks reportedly were optional and most children were old enough to be vaccinated.

"Lord, we didn't want to be in the news, at least not for this, maybe for serving or some extreme generosity, but not this," Pastor Bruce Wesley of Clear Creek Community Church said in a video posted online. "So we ask for your mercy. We ask for your healing for all of those who became sick with this virus and for their families who've have been caring for them as well. We pray for complete recovery so that people don't have any lingering effects, and we pray that you would put a stop to the spread of this virus."

Clear Creek Community Church, in League City near Houston, was forced to cancel services for a second week after the outbreak of what is suspected to be the highly contagious Delta variant at the camp that ended June 27, the Christian Post reports. Last week, the church said in a statement it was experiencing a second wave of infections, after people who attended the camp brought the virus home to their families. While 125 attendees positive for COVID-19 after the camp, hundreds more are believed to have been exposed.

Now remember what I said about supporters of the unholy, ungodly Dark One doing something shady? Well it turns out they’re always up for that! Well here’s how they are planning something shady – by once again peddling the “big lie” that the Dark One somehow won the election by 80 million votes, and that’s simply not true. It must take a special kind of stupid and crazy to believe that, despite all reports to the contrary!

Thousands of right-wing Christians gathered at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, Tennessee, on Independence Day for a “Let Freedom Ring” rally that featured self-proclaimed “prophets” and right-wing pastors Robin Bullock, Todd Coconato, Hank Kunneman, Mario Murillo, and Dutch Sheets as speakers.

The event was organized by Kent Christmas, pastor of Regeneration Nashville, who took to the stage to warn that “God is going to begin to kill wicked men and women in this nation.”

“In 2015, [God] spoke to me and said Donald Trump would become president,” Christmas said. “Did not look possible. He became president. Most of us thought that he would become president again this time, and he was. He won it by about 80 million votes.”

“But the issue is more than this,” he continued. “This is not about politics. If we reduce it to politics, then we are missing what God is wanting to do. This is about releasing the gospel of Jesus Christ with signs and wonders and miracles. … He is raising up men and women that have authority in the Holy Ghost. We’re not just your average believer who doesn’t know how to pray and how to touch the throne room of God. The Lord says, ‘I am raising up an army in this hour that cannot be defeated, that is shaking off the enemy, shaking off the snake, by the power of the Holy Ghost.'”

But now here’s where this week gets weird, and you knew it was going to! For supporters claim that they have seen the “Hand of GAWD”. But was it really the Hand Of GAWD? Maybe the good LAWRD was trying to tell them something! I know! He’s pissed at these idiots, and he wants the whole world to know that he’s pissed! But was it really the Hand Of GAWD or was it just the Good LAWRD giving them a much deserved middle finger?

Self-proclaimed “prophetess” Kat Kerr appeared on the Elijah Streams YouTube channel last Wednesday, where she claimed to have seen the “hand of God” appear in the sky during the fireworks display that took place in Jacksonville, Florida, on Independence Day. Kerr claimed that the appearance of the “hand of God” in the sky was confirmation of fellow “prophet” Hank Kunneman’s prophecy that a “divine shift” would take place on Fourth of July, resulting in former President Donald Trump being restored to the White House.

Kerr urged everyone to watch the second service held at Kunneman’s Lord of Hosts church in Omaha, Nebraska, on July 4 during which, she claimed, Kunneman had told his congregation to “watch for the hand of God to show up” that day. Despite the fact that Kunneman actually said nothing of the sort during that service, Kerr insisted that she had seen the “hand of God” appear in the sky that very night, which she claimed was confirmation of Kunneman’s “prophecy.”

Kerr said that she had taken photos and video of the “hand of God,” but she did not show them during the Elijah Streams program last Wednesday. She did, however, send an image to Kunneman, who held a “Prophetic Pulse” gathering at his church last Wednesday night where he displayed the photo for his congregants to see.

Now here’s the other thing and apparently I was not made aware of this as I am a man of GAWD, but did you know that there’s a war on Christianity? And that those who believe will be killed by those who do not believe? Yeah it’s completely absurd and this isn’t ending any time soon. But you know what? Just don’t listen to supporters of the Unholy Dark One! OK? Do you get that? Just stop it already!

Right-wing activist Lauren Witzke appeared on “The Alex Jones Show” Thursday, where she warned that the Equality Act will “illegalize Jesus Christ” if it becomes law.

Witzke—the GOP’s 2020 Senate candidate in Delaware and a flat Earth, QAnon-believing conspiracy theorist with ties to white nationalists and antisemites—appeared on Jones’ program to discuss the fact that Wells Fargo recently shut down her bank account. While the bank insists its decision had nothing to do with her political views, Witzke asserted that it was done in retaliation for her opposition to the Equality Act, proposed legislation that would add sexual orientation and gender identity protections to federal civil rights laws.

“There is a war on Christians,” Witzke said. “They targeted me, and they made an example out of me because I’m an outspoken Christian who vocally opposes the Equality Act. … They’re trying to illegalize Jesus Christ and the Scripture and categorize it as hate speech.”

“What it will do is it will classify scripture, belief in traditional marriage, as hate speech,” she continued. “If an abortionist wants to make the decision to not perform an abortion, they can arrest that abortionist or that doctor or that nurse that chooses to take the biblical approach and change their lives. Children who struggle with gender identity—now it’s going to make it illegal for them to pursue therapy to change their mind. This is absolutely an attack on Christians. Even just quoting scripture will be classified as hate speech. … It is going to make Christianity a crime on a federal level.”

Yeah long story short, these people are insane. But we may have to explore this “War On Christianity” further in a future edition! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Bill Cosby Live
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Sigh… OK with all of the good things happening in 2021 that were the opposite of 2020, but this definitely wasn’t one of them. I’m sure everyone knew where they were when convicted rapist Bill Cosby got released from prison. But one thing we definitely don’t need – a comeback tour! That’s right – not even minutes after being released from prison, Bill Cosby is already planning to hit the stage and tell his side of the story. Dude, you got convicted for giving interns date rape drugs. There’s no other side of this story here, and nobody wants to hear it. Well OK maybe a few people do, especially if you cross a ven diagram with that of another accused rapist. Yes, I’m talking about *THAT* guy! And for one thing, they share an attorney, so what does that really say about the other guy? Anyway enough of my rambling, here’s what’s happening.

Newly freed from prison, Bill Cosby may be planning a stand-up comedy tour, according to his spokesperson.

Andrew Wyatt told The Philadelphia Inquirer on Thursday that Cosby, 83, has been “been talking to a number of promoters and comedy club owners” and “is just excited the way the world is welcoming him back.”

Wyatt is a native of Bessemer and attended Miles College.

Cosby was released from prison Wednesday after serving two years of a 3-to-10-year sentence after the Pennsylvania Supreme Court overturned his sexual assault conviction due to a “non-prosecution agreement” he struck with a previous prosecutor should have prevented him from being charged over his 2004 encounter with accuser Andrea Constand.

“I have never changed my stance nor my story,” the actor-comedian said in a statement. “I have always maintained my innocence.”

Nooooooooooooooooooooope! No one is welcoming him back. Here’s the sad fact of reality – as much as we hate this, this tour will sell out. That is a fact. And the people giving him money to hear his shit are almost as insane as the people who stand in line for days to attend a MAGA rally. And seriously does anyone want to see a documentary series or a comedy tour starring this shitbag? I know that I definitely do not!

Following his recent release from prison, Bill Cosby is reportedly already already planning his comeback. Though a jury found him guilty of sexual assault in 2018, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court recently ruled that a previous deal Cosby struck with a district attorney should have prevented him from being prosecuted altogether. Essentially, in spite of the fact that dozens of women have accused him of drugging and assaulting them, Cosby is now free on a procedural error.

And, according to TMZ, the comedian already has a five-part docuseries and a book in the works. On top of that, he apparently wants to start doing stand-up again. Andrew Wyatt, Cosby’s publicist, told TMZ he’s contacted multiple comedy clubs who are “open to the idea” of Cosby performing. The recently released sex offender is also looking to do motivational talks in prisons and schools across the country. Per TMZ, these appearances would purportedly focus on “being better citizens and curbing violence,” which, besides being a bit ironic considering Cosby has admitted under oath to giving Quaaludes to women he wanted to have sex with, also sounds reminiscent of his notorious “Pound Cake” speech, which was widely criticized for its racist implications.

According to Wyatt, “The world wants to see Mr. Cosby.” No the fuck we do not.

It appears at least one comedy club agrees with the latter sentiment. Noam Dworman, owner of New York City’s iconic Comedy Cellar, told TMZ he has no interest in hosting Cosby at his club. In 2018, the Comedy Cellar controversially hosted Louis C.K., marking his first performance following allegations of sexual misconduct. However, Dworman told the New York Post Cosby’s actions are aren’t comparable, adding that Louis C.K. was not charged with a crime. “I just think these comparisons are ridiculous,” Dworman told the Post.

Excuse me a minute… OK. But that said, I’m with the article on this one – no we do not need to see Bill Cosby live! Or a docuseries or any of that shit! And come on, does every creep, low life and weirdo who got caught doing something perverted or criminal need to go on a redemption tour? Ah yes that is an excellent point! But oh guess what? He wants payback! Seriously, even the Simpsons couldn’t make this shit up!

Bill Cosby could be getting a payday for the amount of time he served in prison after the Pennsylvania high court vacated the comedian’s conviction.

“We feel that he’s owed a lot of money,” said Cosby spokesperson Andrew Wyatt. “Mr. Cosby was given an unwanted two-year and ten-month vacation that he never ask for. His constitutional rights were abolished, his due process was stripped away from him.”

Wyatt pointed to a proposal that Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf introduced for his 2021-2022 budget that would pay money for wrongful convictions.

“He’s due millions and millions of dollars. As Mr. Cosby said to me today, ‘I feel that this district attorney and Judge Steven O’Neill and Kevin Steele [Montgomery County district attorney] should resign effective immediately.”

Are you fucking kidding me? Nobody owes you a god damn thing. You’re a convicted rapist who should still be behind bars! At least one place has already said no to this bullshit – New York City’s legendary Comedy Cellar. That’s right – Cosby wanted to kick off his comeback tour in one of the most legendary comedy clubs in all of the country. And they said no. I hope more do, and I hope there’s no way he’ll get those millions of dollars. This is absolutely ridiculous.

A 2018 jury convicted Cosby of three felony counts in Temple staffer Andrea Constand’s 2004 drugging and sexual assault.

At least one venue has said that it will not support an upcoming comedy tour from recently-freed Bill Cosby.

The Comedy Cellar in New York City has expressed that it has zero interest in hosting Cosby, with owner Noam Dworman telling TMZ his audiences wouldn’t support a show from the 83-year-old comic-actor-producer.

The club allowed comedians Louis CK and Aziz Ansari to perform on the legendary Greenwich Village stage after they both were hit with sexual misconduct allegations — not criminal charges. Cosby, whose 2018 indecent assault conviction was overturned in June by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, won’t be given the same opportunity.

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable – Conspiracy Corner! We are of course coming to you live from our basement doomsday bunker deep in the heart of the New Mexico badlands – undisclosed location of course! This week, the White House, led by our current president, Joseph R. Biden, has been flaunting an aggressive plan to up their COVID vaccine numbers so as to not prevent another surge in cases when the winter hits this year. But this has conservatives – particularly the MAGA crowd – hopping mad! That’s right they’re coming out with guns a blazing if anyone even dares to try this.

A majority of Republican voters do not support President Joe Biden’s new strategy to go “door-to-door” to get more Americans vaccinated, a new Morning Consult poll finds, suggesting the targeted outreach plan may fail in helping persuade Republicans to get the Covid-19 vaccine as hesitancy among those voters remains disproportionately high.

Biden announced in early July a new strategy to go “community by community, neighborhood by neighborhood, and oftentimes, door to door — literally knocking on doors” to persuade Americans to get vaccinated.

The vaccination campaign will also focus on having family doctors that Americans already trust distributing Covid-19 vaccines, making vaccines available at work sites and events and helping employees get paid time off to get inoculated.

Republican politicians have hit back against the plan: House Freedom Caucus Chair Andy Biggs (R-Ariz.) called the plan “a blatant abuse of government authority,” for instance, while Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-N.C.) suggested without evidence it could result in the government taking away people’s guns and bibles.

So if there’s two things that the MAGA crowd doesn’t like – 1) is being told what to do, and 2) having the government all up in their bizness! If the Biden administration proposes the idea that they’re going to be door to door with vaccines, you can bet that someone will probably get murdered for it. But on the flip side, hey, at least there’s one less Trump voter in the world! But yeah you know who’s driving this disinformation campaign? You guessed it! Fox News!

“A disservice to the country.” “Inaccurate disinformation.” “Literally killing people.”

For months, the Biden White House refrained from criticizing Republican officials who played down the importance of coronavirus vaccinations or sought to make political hay of the federal government’s all-out effort to drive shots into arms. Not any longer.

With the COVID-19 vaccination rate plateauing across the country, the White House is returning fire at those they see as spreading harmful misinformation or fear about the shots.

When South Carolina Gov. Henry McMaster tried this week to block door-to-door efforts to drive up the vaccination rate in his state, White House press secretary Jen Psaki did not mince words in her reaction.

Yeah here’s the thing, MAGA – if you’re not taking the vaccine, you’re not owning us. And we’re not “triggered”, we’re horrified! So they might convert some folks to getting the vaccine, but if you haven’t got the vaccine yet, well, all I have to say is it’s your funeral. And some are even fighting back against the idea! Can we show that sign?

Holy shit! Who’s authority do they have to do this? Well none! But yeah here’s the thing – get the damn vaccine! If you don’t, it’s your funeral!

In some rural parts of the region, residents shouldn’t be surprised if they get a knock on the door soon.

It’s not a sales pitch. It’s your country calling, and it wants to tell you about free COVID-19 vaccines.

Following President Joe Biden’s remarks last week that more effort will be put into pushing coronavirus vaccines in areas with low vaccination rates, federal government personnel began assisting with going door to door in parts of Hampton Roads over the weekend.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency is teaming up with the state and local public health officials in Franklin, Suffolk, Isle of Wight County and Southampton County to spread information on the benefits of vaccination and where to find shots.

And in case you’re wondering if stupid begats stupid, well, two of the most under vaccinated states – South Carolina and Missouri- are already planning to push back against this idea. Really guys, if you want to kill yourselves getting COVID and giving the virus new chances to mutate, don’t say we didn’t warn you when you’re in the hospital needing a double lung transplant. And yes, that sort of thing can happen with this virus.

The governors of South Carolina and Missouri—two states with below-average Covid-19 vaccination rates—rebuffed President Joe Biden’s plan to promote immunizations through door-to-door outreach this week, but despite some claims to the contrary, the White House says the effort will be carried out by volunteers and local leaders, not federal staffers.

In a speech Tuesday, Biden said he hopes to reach unvaccinated Americans this summer by going “community by community, neighborhood by neighborhood and oftentimes door-to-door, literally knocking on doors, to get help to the remaining people.”

Missouri Gov. Mike Parson (R) pushed back on Biden’s plan one day later, tweeting that “sending government employees or agents door-to-door to compel vaccination would NOT be an effective OR a welcome strategy in Missouri!”

South Carolina Gov. Henry McMaster (R) on Friday directed his state’s health department to prohibit what he described as “the Biden Administration’s ‘targeted’ ‘door-to-door’ tactics,” arguing that residents may lose trust in vaccines if they feel pressured to get them.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb! So who is dumb this week, you might ask? Well I want to start with this story out of my home state of California! That’s right even my state is not immune from stupid people. And of course, like so many of our People Are Dumb stories, this one involves someone doing something stupid while driving. And what might that be you ask? Why it’s using the new experimental satellite internet service from Elon Musk! And I mean come on, given the size of the antenna, is it any wonder why this guy was pulled over? And come on, even stupider – why would you mount this antenna to the hood of your car?

A California Highway Patrol officer pulled over a vehicle on Friday that had a satellite dish bolted to the car’s hood, and the device appeared to be one of SpaceX’s Starlink antennas.

“Sir I stopped you today for that visual obstruction on your hood. Does it not block your view while driving?” CHP of Antelope Valley wrote in a Facebook post about the incident.

CHP added that the motorist replied: “Only when I make right turns.”

A representative of the law enforcement agency told CNBC that the motorist, driving a Toyota Prius, received a ticket for a moving violation. The motorist told CHP that they used the antenna to get Wi-Fi service for a business they operate out of the car.

SpaceX did not immediately respond to CNBC’s request for comment.

Yeah maybe don’t use the internet while you’re driving. You can wait to get home to stream episodes of The Office! Next up – here’s a story that has everything! This story comes to us from Spokane, Washington, and it involves a doctor! Yes, even though this man has a medical degree, he was being caught doing something stupid! This is really insane, because it’s almost directly mirrored from the movie The Fugitive, where a doctor is accused of murdering his wife! Life imitates art?

Nothing says "let's try again" like hiring an assassin to drug your ex until they agree to rekindle the relationship.

That is apparently what one neonatal doctor in Spokane, Washington thought, as he allegedly did just that.

Ronald Ilg, 55, was arrested in April and is being charged in federal court for hiring a hitman over the internet to abduct his wife and imprison her in a "secure location" for a week, all the while dosing her with heroin.

"The target destroyed two families and walked away as if she did nothing," the doctor allegedly wrote in his abductor job synopsis. "I want the target kidnapped for 7 days. While being held, she will be given injections of heroin at least two times per day."

Next up – we of course have to go to the great state of Florida, America’s most penis-shaped state. As Homer Simpson once called it – “Florida? But that’s America’s wang!”. And here’s the thing – is anyone really surprised that someone with the last name Booze is arrested for drunk driving? And what makes this story even more insane is that this is the place where the crash occurred? Well I’ll let the story do the talking!

A Florida Woman named Booze was arrested for drunk driving after allegedly slamming her car into a Taco Bell sign and then fleeing the scene, cops charge. Kanisha Booze, 34, was busted late Friday following a crash near her home in St. Petersburg. Booze was charged with DUI involving property damage, leaving the scene of an accident, possession of an open container, and driving with a suspended or revoked license.

According to an arrest report, Booze struck a tree, the Taco Bell sign, and the eatery’s water meter around 10:20 PM. She was subsequently collared after being spotted speeding through two red lights near the restaurant.

When questioned by police, a wobbly Booze exhibited “bloodshot, watery eyes, a dazed and blank expression on her face and an odor of an alcoholic beverage on her breath,” noted police who say that Booze declined to provide breath samples.

Booze’s rap sheet includes seven separate convictions for driving without a license. She has also been convicted of marijuana possession and grand theft. Booze was released from the county jail Saturday morning after posting $1750 bond on the three misdemeanor counts.
Booze, a mother of three, works at the Taco Bell where the crash occurred.


Finally this week – of course you know that last week was the Fourth Of July, Independence Day as you may know it. And you know this as the holiday where you fight traffic to go watch fireworks being set off by people you wouldn’t trust to turn on a light switch blow something up – whether it’s the land or themselves. But what if it’s not a firework at all? Plot twist! And this is also a story being reported on where no one has anything better to do?

Ahead of the weekend of the fourth of July, America’s independence day, residents of a Cape Coral canal in Florida were woken up by “fireworks", but not what you’re thinking of. On the night of June 25, Sara Warnecke could hear a man screaming very loudly at 3 am in night. When she went out, there was not much to see so she shouted telling him to shut up. To that, the man pretended to be a firework and yelled conveying that fireworks were really annoying and people should stop doing it in the middle of the night. He was caught on a security tape screaming fireworks noise across the canal in the southeastern 10th avenue of the town. In the video, a man can be heard screaming, “firecracker, firecracker, boom.” To that, Warnceck shouts, “Shut up!” Replying to her, he screamed again, using expletives, “Bottle Rocket! Yeah it’s ****** annoying, isn’t it? Quit ******* doing it in the middle of the night.”

“He seemed to be upset that people were celebrating early,” Warnecke told NBC2. When a reporter from the news channel went door-to-door in the neighbourhood asking people if they were that angry man, no one admitted and the identity of the man remains a mystery.

In the US state of Florida, fireworks are legal only on three days, New Year’s Day, New Year’s Eve and US Independence Day. Americans celebrate their Independence Day by lighting up the sky with massive fireworks. According to an estimate, Americans spend about Rs 11,000 crore on fireworks each year. In India, people spend about Rs 2,000 crore on on fireworks. However, fireworks in India feature an entirely different occasion than the US — the religious festival of Diwali. However, New Year’s eve also sees fireworks in India. ..........(more)


That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Red State Diaries: Episode 1
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Welcome everyone to our new segment “Red State Diaries”! So in case you haven’t been following us or not, in the last year, we have covered literally *EVERYTHING* there was to cover about the insane 2020 election cycle. From the straw poll to the primaries, to the election itself and even to the inauguration of our 46th president, Joseph R. Biden, and beyond! Now we’re gonna take it a step further and do some exit polling and explore the red states. Why did they vote the way they did? And will it stop them from voting that way again? Because next year it’s once again midterms! But this week we’re taking a look at the great state of Oklahoma. Why did they vote the way that they did on this? And could they also be the subject of a recall? Remember the Former Guy’s theory about “Big Dumps”? Yeah that happened!

An Oklahoma lawmaker has requested that the state election board call for a forensic and independent audit of the 2020 General Election results in Oklahoma County and two other random counties in the state.

"Oklahomans have the right to know their election results can be trusted," state Rep. Sean Roberts, R-Hominy, said in a news release.

Roberts wrote a letter to the Oklahoma State Election Board, saying, "Every citizen deserves to have faith in the integrity of the election process and its outcome. It is my responsibility, as an elected public servant, to assure my constituents that Oklahoma’s elections are safe and secure."

Roberts continued the news release by spreading unfounded claims that there was widespread voter fraud in various states during the 2020 presidential election.

That’s about the appropriate reaction for this. I mean come on it’s been almost a whole year since the 2020 election and they’re still fighting it! I hate to break it to you guys but there’s nothing you can do to bring Dear Leader back. He’s gone, OK? Look we had to deal with it when you guys won in 2016. Now you lost, so you have to deal with it. Shit happens! It’s a part of life. Oh and it gets weirder! Oklahoma is also the home of James Lankford (Q-Batshit) who is also among the growing list of conservatives who are operating on one issue only! And guess what that is?

In the runup to Jan. 6, Senate Republican leaders invested time and energy into keeping their members together on certifying the results of the 2020 presidential election. By Jan. 2, those intra-party efforts were unraveling.

Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) got the ball rolling, announcing his plan to contest the election results he doesn't like, and a group of Republicans, eager to prove their own hostility toward democracy, soon followed. By Jan. 4, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) was leading a contingent of 11 GOP senators who wanted a commission to "audit" the election results, rather than certify them.

Two days later -- exactly six months ago today -- a violent mob of Donald Trump supporters launched an insurrectionist attack on the U.S. Capitol in the hopes of derailing the certification process. As the dust settled and the Capitol was secured, lawmakers returned to complete the process. Most of the Senate Republicans who said they'd refuse to honor the election results followed through on their undemocratic commitment.

But not all of them. Sen. James Lankford (R-Okla.) originally endorsed Cruz's scheme, but after the riot, the Oklahoma Republican voted with the majority to certify the election results.

But what’s really baffling about this state is that their guy won! So why are they so concerned about conducting an audit? Well they could hire Cyber Ninjas, I hear that audit is going very nicely! Oh wait, it’s a colossal shit show and the entire world knows it! But even the election officials in the Sooner State don’t want this. Why? Well just look at what’s happening two states over just to find out, and it’s getting quite insane.

Oklahoma's chief elections official on Tuesday brushed off a request from a GOP state lawmaker seeking an election audit of some of the state's 2020 general election results.

Election Board Secretary Paul Ziriax suggested an independent audit of Oklahoma's election results is not allowed under state law.

He also reiterated his faith in the accuracy of Oklahoma's elections, saying the state's voting devices are among the most precise and secure in the world.

Citing debunked claims of election fraud in other states, Rep. Sean Roberts, R-Hominy, asked for a forensic and independent audit of the 2020 general election results in Oklahoma County and two additional counties, chosen at random.

"In my judgment the time and expense of a post-election audit is not justified for an election that was conducted more than eight months ago," Ziriax wrote in a letter to Roberts.

But don’t think we’ve seen the last of Former Guy! Oh no, he’s getting harder and harder for the GOP to ignore. Especially now that he’s taken his idiot MAGA rallies back out on the road, and he isn’t going to stop until he gets what he wants. He’s like a bad weed. Or maybe he’s like Pennywise The Clown – the more you try to get rid of him, the more he comes back to haunt your dreams. Even in states he won, they’re still not satisfied!

Senate Republican leaders have tried to put former President Trump in the rearview mirror, rarely mentioning his name and keeping focused instead on the Democratic agenda, but Trump’s iron grip on the party’s grassroots is making it tougher and tougher to keep ignoring him.

Mainstream Republicans are getting increasingly caught up in the party’s internal battle over Trump’s legacy, with even stalwart conservatives such as Sen. James Lankford (R-Okla.), Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.), Sen. John Boozman (R-Ark.) and Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) getting called out as insufficiently loyal to Trump or “Republicans in name only.”

Trump again showed his lock on the party’s activist base over the weekend by winning the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) straw poll with 70 percent of the vote, crushing the second-place winner, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, who came in a distant second with 21 percent.

Trump touted his strong showing by releasing a statement through Save America PAC: “98 percent approval rating at CPAC, the highest ever, by far. A new record!”

[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

Next week while Arizona may have flipped for Biden, they’re the center of the most batshit insane election audit in history and we’re going to do a deep dive into what’s going on there!

Thank you Santa Ana! We’re off to San Jose next! See you next week!


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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #11-1: Stop! Or My Former President Will Shoot! Edition (Original post)
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malaise Jul 15 #1
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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Thu Jul 15, 2021, 05:15 PM

1. On the nose of 5.00pm

K & R

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Thu Jul 15, 2021, 05:21 PM

2. Yes, we are back!

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