BREAKING NEWS: Panda bears brought in to assist with Arizona vote audit.

During the on-going audit of 2020 election ballots in Arizona, being conducted by a private consulting company at the behest of the Republican controlled Arizona Senate, reports have surfaced that auditors are now bringing in live panda bears into the Phoenix Veterans Memorial Coliseum to assist with the process.

A spokesperson for Cyber Ninjas--the company conducting the audit, neither actual ninjas nor experienced in the area of ballot auditing--stated that the bears will be used as a discerning mechanism.

"If the panda bear attempts to eat the ballot, there's good cause to believe that the ballot may contain bamboo fibers and thus may have been smuggled into Arizona from China," the spokesperson said. "But if the bear ignores the ballot, it's most likely legit."

"However, we can't rule out that the bear may have simply eaten a lot of bamboo before he got here and is just full," he added. "So even if the panda bear ignores the ballot, it can't necessarily rule out voter fraud."

Initial complications to the process arose when audit personnel mistakenly brought in polar bears instead of panda bears, resulting in the inadvertent mauling and hospitalization of at least three Cyber Ninja personnel at the scene.

DETAILS AT ELEVEN