If the HUNDREDS of men who sexually harrassed me got locked up, they would need 48576 jails

[Trueblue1968]

starting in high school ..... "TREE FROG" & Dick Colossa.... you know who you are. you made my life a living hell


After I reached 30's or so, I started letting those creeps have it. The women's foul tongue. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD OFF MORE OF THOSE JERKS.
AND .... maybe sued the hell outta those pigs.

[Kath2]

1. Right on!

You damn sure should have!

[LakeArenal]

2. OMG. This is EXACTLY correct.

As I said in other rush to judgement post:

I have been propositioned by every employer I’ve had. Including the lesbian one. I liked working with most of them so I just said not interested and let’s move on.
And they did. Every one.

That’s not even to mention cat calls on the street, the guy at the restaurant bar that was drunk, the idiots that will just say something stupid thinking they are cool.

[wnylib]

23. Been there many times myself.

In fact, being a gray-haired retired senior now is liberating.

Except ... a couple evenings ago, walking down a well lit, well travelled street just after it turned dark, with a full bag from a convenience store, a stranger asked if the bag was heavy and offered to carry it for me. At my age, that sounded more like a set up for a mugging than being hit on, so naturally I said, "Thank you. I'm fine." HIM: Are you sure? ME: Yes, it's good exercise to keep a senior fit. HIM: You look ageless, anywhere from 30 to 50. ME: (silently, in my mind) Get real. What can you see under the mask, winter coat, and hat, anyway? (Aloud to him): 71.

I started walking away and he said, "You don't look it. Is that your own hair?" My hair is salt and pepper, but only a few wisps of salt were visible from under my hat. ME: All mine. Have a nice day. HIM: Just 12 years older than me.

I did not answer, just kept walking. Should I complain that he harrassed me and risk getting laughed out of court? Be flattered? Or wonder, does it ever stop?

[LakeArenal]

37. I think never....They don't call some, dirty old men because of hygiene.

My “attraction” is inordinately large (naturally) part of my physique that enters the room before me. I’ve hated those puppies for that reason. Still at nearly 70,
No baggy shirt or jacket or resting bitch face stops men from noticing.

An 86 year old quipped: What is your “clothing” size?!?

Was I supposed to call out this sweet loving man? Heck no.

[Dream Girl]

45. When I was a cocktail waitress, had a boss who used to calll me "Big Butt"

“Hey Big Butt!“ “ where’s “Big Butt?” ...I was so humiliated, couldn’t do a thing about it back in the day. My butt wasn’t even big...

[LakeArenal]

47. Because it hurt, that was enough to say it repeatedly.

Now it’s Baby’s Got Back.

[wnylib]

52. Oh dear. That reminds me of a friend

of mine in junior high. She was short, had an average waist, small hips, and was huge on top. All natural (she was in my gym class). She was an exceptionally nice person, well-groomed and always appropriately dressed, very bright, and helpful to everyone with homework.

But all the boys could see was her bust. She was not a person to them, just a target for snide comments and snickers. One time I heard a couple boys refer to her as a slut. I got angry and asked why they would say such a thing. One of them said, "it's obvious, isn't it? Just look at those boobs."

I never had an upper level size problem of being too big or too small, but was "well balanced" and fit from physical activity. At 14, just walking down a sidewalk, older boys would pull their car up to the curb and yell, "Hey, wanna F---?" I started carrying rocks to throw at cars.

[Trueblue1968]

65. when i was 25 ... i got fired because i wouldn't have sex with the boss

Slimy, greasy haired Mr. West. YOU SUCK.

AND THE JERK WAS MARRIED.

[Faux pas]

3. Me too

[Permanut]

4. Thanks for posting, Trueblue1968..

This 75 year old male has always been disgusted by the behavior that some of my fellow males think is cool.

[wnylib]

25. Damn, where were you when I was 20?

[Permanut]

59. Hung around with the guys who would confront and ridicule these clowns..

we believed then, still do, that those of us with more muscle mass should be available to protect those with less. I'm trying to say that without implying a gender bias; don't know if I've succeeded.

[wnylib]

64. You did fine. Good to be reminded that

some of you were around to offset the rest.

I think there are more guys like that among younger folks today because of social changes since the old days. The jerks still exist, but social acceptance of their behavior has diminished from what it used to be.

[flor-de-jasmim]

5. 1976 employer: You didn't tell me you were MARRIED!

Me: I didn't think it was relevant. (nobody was dropping mics at that time!)

I am not excusing the behavior of anyone, and I certainly think we ALL have a right to feel comfortable in our place of work (and elsewhere), but there are mechanisms to address these concerns, and an investigation should be undertaken.

[SharonAnn]

8. Ha! I got propositioned by a VP shortly after I got married. He said "married women don't tell"

when I asked him why he would proposition me now after the good working relationship we had for 10 years.

He was obviously a schemer.

[zeusdogmom]

6. High school and the creep who would follow me in the hallway trying to touch my butt

Until one day I let him get closer than normal and just “accidentally” allowed my hard framed purse swing back hard and hit him in a very “delicate” area. In front of his friends. He never bothered me again. 😂. Yes I could have reported his behavior - a fairly useless act especially nearly 60 years ago. The above hallway incident was much more effective.

Pretty much my MO the rest of my school and working years, i.e. deal with the creep, preferably in public in front of his peers so as to humiliate him as much as possible.

[Mariana]

9. Report it? What the hell was the point?

"He's only doing it because he likes you."
"Are you sure you didn't say something to encourage him?"
"He's just trying to get your attention. If you ignore it, he'll stop."
"Maybe if you didn't dress like that, it wouldn't happen."
"You have to understand that girls mature faster than boys."

Etc.

[Ka-Dinh Oy]

24. You forgot the big one.

Boys will be boys. That one has always sickened me.

[zeusdogmom]

50. Some "boys" never grow up

No offense to any of the good men here in DU. I’m talking about the perpetual creeps - we all know guys like that. And to be fair, there are women who harass and make fools of themselves, too. But in my experience is it usually the male.

[enough]

40. You said it. NT

[zeusdogmom]

46. Bingo!

Those were the exact responses to any report of harassment. Which is why I took the action I did.

[Mary in S. Carolina]

78. Excuses

These are all valid excuses for not reporting sexual harassment, discrimination and assault.....but they are still excuses.

When schools, employers, churches, etc use these excuses, the onus is now on them. If they do not act to prevent the predators, they have just given you their power. Please sue, it is our only recourse and when it happens again, sue again, when it happens again, sue again, so on and so on. Make sure to audio or video tape, keep emails, text, admissions, witnesses and a timeline.

Taping is scary at first, but then becomes unbelievable liberating. I still tape sketching men in meetings and at work, because I know they cannot help themselves; they are pedators (if they only knew I was taping).

[Mariana]

79. No, these were not "excuses".

These are the responses we received when we did report sexual harassment.

[IcyPeas]

7. same here. damn! everyone even has to take a "sexual harassment seminar"

and that doesn't help. I worked in law firms and so many of the attorneys and, especially partners, are male. The boorish behavior is a very fine line between being an asshole and actual harassment. Many companies are still ol' boys clubs.

[NotAPuppet]

10. I was 16,

working a part time job and carrying a few coke bottles up the stairs for a meeting, which were pressed against my chest. Our CEO saw me and said: "I would love to be a bottle of coke right now!" I replied: "I would drop you really fast if you were."

That was my first job, first week working there, and my first experience with sexual harassment. Thank God for my big mouth.

[TheRickles]

29. A very gutsy comeback - did he fire you?

[NotAPuppet]

32. No,

he was actually very nice and respectful to me after that. He even offered me an excellent position after I finished college, which I declined.

[TheRickles]

35. A good resolution, thanks for sharing it.

And hopefully his worksite behavior towards other women also changed after your interaction.

[wnylib]

36. When I was 16 and babysitting a neighbor's kids,

the father insisted on walking me home 2 doors away because it was 2:00 am and he wanted me to be "safe." He'd been drinking enough that I wondered who would get HIM home afterward. When he tried to put his arm around me once we were outside, I pulled away and he said, "Oh, I'm not like that. I'm just looking out for you, honey. You're so young."

I snapped back, "Too young for you, in fact," and rushed into the door of my house.

[Jilly_in_VA]

11. No shit.

I'm 77, which means I went to jr. high and high school in the 1950's and early 1960s. Don't even THINK of trying to tell ME about it! (speaking more to men than women, although I don't think some younger women have any idea.....)

[amywalk]

12. Me too. It started when I was 15 working at Burger King. It steadily continued from there on.

[Duppers]

13. Same here.

In fact a FL friend just brought this up in a phone conversation 3 days ago.

But it didn't stop in h.s. 50% of the bosses I've had tried physically
hitting on me - gals, you know the little-too-low brush-by touch, don't ya?

[Mr.Bill]

14. I've had female co-workers and even bosses

hit on me, too. And they all knew I was married. And it's happened to my wife at work, too. She was an RN 45 years ago and RNs were considered fair game by many doctors. Lots of RNs married to doctors, too.

[Bluesaph]

15. Try living in Latin America!

In Costa Rica where cat calls, whistles, calling whomever you were with “suegra” (mother in law), “Machita” if you had light hair, etc!!!

Men in general are pigs. Some have been trained by society. And few were born decent. But it’s been a mans world since the ice age.

Lawsuits are part of the training.

[Duppers]

21. My s-i-l tells me it's standard OP in Italy too.

[LakeArenal]

39. I live in Rio Piedras on Lake Arenal.

Where are you?

[Bluesaph]

58. I live in southern Cali.

But I’m from Costa Rica and travel and have lived there. Was born in Guadalupe. My family is in Santa Ana, Coronado, Quepos and Guadalupe.

[OMGWTF]

16. Ever been Date Raped? I have.

In the 1970s and '80s women knew the hell we'd be put through trying to prosecute these fking criminals, so we did nothing. That's why the "Me Too" movement has resonated and gained so much traction. There were so damn many of us being abused and we couldn't do anything about it without potentially ruining our own lives.

[womanofthehills]

72. Date rape that they didn't think was date rape

"We will stay in these woods forever if you do not agree." It was bad in college in the 60's & 70's- professors were the worse and could change your grades. When I started working, I learned to twirl right out of their arms - proclaiming something like "but.. you are married" - while spinning around and making light of it. I needed the money. One of my ex bosses asked me to lunch to discuss a job for me at his new workplace. When we left the restaurant - he opened the door to his van complete with bed and expected me to enter and have sex in the restaurant parking lot. Did I report him - no. Never even entered my mind. This was our everyday life back then.

[bamagal62]

17. Ain't that the truth!

[Aussie105]

18. To clarify things:

Boyz aged 10 to 70 are full of hormones and will try to show they are interested.

Girls need to get cards printed, and hand them out at appropriate times - at a job interview, for instance.

Examples:

'No touching, no personal comments, no long leering looks. I know a good lawyer . . . '

'Yes, I'm interested!'

'I am married. Your behavior is inappropriate.'

'You can take me out. You can buy me dinner. Everything else is verboten!'

etc

Ladies! Please help the confused Boyz know where they stand!

As a senile old man past the hormonal stage, I confess.
I've done boy-girl things in the past that I'm now ashamed of. Those cards would have helped.

[Fullduplexxx]

20. Or maybe parents should do a better job at raising their boys

[Ms. Toad]

30. +100000

It is not up to girls/women to control the behavor or men.

BUT virtually all of the advice is directed at women, telling us how to prevent "boys from being boys."

[Trueblue1968]

76. good pop in the nose ?? the advice is directed at women, prevent "boys from being boys."

[DesertRat]

70. Yes, exactly

Thank you

[Ms. Toad]

33. I am not now (nor was I when you were between 10 and 70)

responsible for your behavior. Period.

The focus needs to be on boys and men behaving better - not on on what women are (not) doing to keep men in line.

This is just a "kinder and gentler" way of saying women are to bame when men behave badly toward them.

[enough]

42. Well this clarifies one thing for sure. NT

[LizBeth]

54. Poor boyz. Am I right?

[multigraincracker]

19. The power of a union.

Back when I first started working at the auto plant, an older guy I worked with got his 19 year old daughter hired in. She worked under a new foreman that happen to be the son of a top executive of the company. He had pulled her aside and told her if she didn't give him a bj, he would put her on the worst job in the zone.
She came crying to her dad and he told the union what happened. The plant walked out and said we wouldn't be back until that foreman was fired. Only took two days. Even that cost the company millions of dollars.

[progressoid]

38. That's the way it's done.

[radical noodle]

22. It's sad that this made me laugh and

nod my head in agreement.

[Warpy]

26. I got my mother's big mouth

and was never the one to "make nice" when I was a kid because my parents had moved south and I didn't like southerners all that much that I wanted to be nice to them, especially the creepers.

Did I get passed over for promotions or other perks? Probably, but I worked corporate type jobs very seldom and only when I was desperate enough to take day jobs. Since I wasn't angling for promotions and lunch with the boss seemed like a grisly proposition, I didn't miss them.

We have to do better at raising girls to speak up instead of being nice. Too many men out there need to be told where our boundaries are and they're never going to learn unless we tell them.

Only when telling men where our boundaries are is commonplace will men stop punishing us for informing them.

[Ms. Toad]

27. Yup.

Fortunately, my harassers don't include my employers.

But I've been physically and verbally harassed since I was around 10 (the first time by an older male coaching me in diving, within sight of my parents who were unaware anything was going on). Then my brother who snuck in my room at night, fondled and undressed me. Then by several middle school and high school classmates. Then in college I was raped by a stranger - who started by making cat-calls on the street. Then raped again by a college classmate. Somwhere around that time, I stopped keeping track.

It is, unfortunately, just the background "noise" women learn to live with - I expect not incredibly different from the constant racist "noise" non-whites learn to live with.

It is incredibly draining - and has has a negative impact on my health. For decades I carried between 10 and 80 extra pounds because (unconsciously) that fat made me more invisible and less likely to be harassed. Now that I am aware of the connection (a sudden realization one day in a skinnier time when I was pawing through my closet looking for something to make me look fat), I still fight the habits that protected me through much of my adult life.

I may have to step back from DU until this blows over - or at least figure out how to avoid the Cuomo threads. The posts suggesting that women ask for it, or that it is appropriate to sacrifice us for the sake of the party are a bit much to tolerate.

[Chalco]

28. Started when I was 16 and finished when I was about 45.

Men on the street. Men in bars. Men at work. Bosses. Colleagues.

I didn't feel safe until I was 45 from harassment. Still don't feel
safe from being killed. Woman on a street.

[Pongo]

31. Many of us have lived that misery.

Usually when I snapped back, I’d get, what are you, a lesbo? (Using this slur only for the point.) Sickening that 1) they thought that was the only reason I’d turn them down, and 2) that they thought implying I was gay was an insult.

[zipplewrath]

44. My sister had 5 older brothers

Ya didn't screw with my little sister.

Once, in 9th grade, some 8th grade boy was interested. Like 8th grade boys, his approach left alot to be desired. She basically ignored him at all times. Finally, one day he made the mistake of grabbing her by her elbow to get her attention while she was walking and talking with friends. According to her friends, his hand barely touched her arm when she dropped the books she was holding, grabbed his wrist from her elbow, twisted it around his back and slammed him against some lockers. Now behind him, she leaned in and whispered loudly in his ear, "Don't. Touch. Me".

The story then goes that she collected her books and went right back to her conversation. Her girl friends were all aghast. She apparently was like, "What? What's the big deal".

[LakeArenal]

49. I would say, what if I am? Would that stop you or make you worse?

[Pacifist Patriot]

74. Yep, I could have written this.

[ratchiweenie]

34. Right on. I was in my late 30's before I started

to let men who made passes have it. The most effective was to say VERY LOUDLY, what did you just say to me? Especially in the work place! You only have to do it once or twice and the whole place knows not to do it to you.

[pnwmom]

41. How many of the hundreds are Governors? n/t

[sinkingfeeling]

43. Yep. If we can go back 50 years, I.could put hundreds in the

harassment hot seat.

[pansypoo53219]

48. jeez, i must have don't even try on my forehead. of course maybe i just ignored it.

but nobody ever tried to flash me. sigh.

[LizBeth]

51. Yep. And worse, when a woman speaks out, it affect her position in a company.

[bucolic_frolic]

55. In the interests of equality

maybe someone should start an OP for drama and hysterics ... not to take anything away from the OP on this thread, but because handles have been flown off here and there.

[Hekate]

75. This is probably the wrong place to recommend that. Better if you go start your own thread...

...and take the heat there for suggesting women don’t have a legitimate grievance. You can even use the phrase “drama and hysterics,” but I would suggest suiting up in kevlar first.

[chowder66]

56. I'm reading my life story throughout this thread!

Personally I've shut down just about everyone; bosses, co-workers, contractors, doctors, mutual friends, strangers...the list goes on.
The one exception was a well-protected, powerful and well regarded CEO. I was a grunt.
He didn't do anything overtly but he was working up to it.
He was sly as hell.
I walked away from that job. It was too risky and I didn't want to get embroiled in anything that I couldn't handle and I honestly didn't think I would have
a chance so I made sure he didn't get his chance with me.

After that I made it clear I was not there for their whims. It worked. They left me alone. Didn't stop behind door comments like she must be a lesbian - which I was told about. One of the guys that said that was a founder and got fired soon after for aggressively trying to hit on my friend who I got hired there.

I will always be willing to leave a job if someone won't back off when I tell them to.

[KentuckyWoman]

57. Being ugly has its benefits.

Back in the day I envied the pretty girls who got the attention. Over time I've come to realize how painful that can be as well.

My heart goes out to you.

[Bev54]

60. I agree, I worked in a man's business world and it was all the time

I had my comebacks to them and never felt uneasy about telling them if they made me uncomfortable. It never went to any assault and they usually got the message. I do think there are others that take things very personal and that is who they are or we were just far more used to it, in our day, not really sure.

[redstatebluegirl]

61. First one in high school.

Stupid as a box of rocks football player would yell "there goes those big boobs" every time I walked anywhere close to him. Then the guy in college who pushed me against the elevator and asked me if I knew "how good he was in the sack" (I said no, but I'd love to see a sack over your face right now). The guys in the meeting who would stare at my chest and say, "you did good in hiring that one boss". The guys who would cat call me as I walked by construction sites on my way to work. The list goes on and on. It made me hate my body, something that went on for years.

No man could ever tell me they understand what sexual harrassment really is, and how it makes a woman feel. Sorry guys, you can't walk the walk on this one.

[Mary in S. Carolina]

62. Take Back your Power through Lawsuits

Please video or audio tape the sexual harassment or discrimination using a "nanny cam" in your office or a device on your persons; it sounds extreme, but this will give you power. Don't let these predators win, Coumo if found guilty, probably is going to lose the governorship and a future presidency (this is powerful).

We need to continue to hold CEO, partners, politicians, supervisors, clergy, etc. accountable.

Give your tapes to an attorney, it will cost you nothing for a consultation; these cases are usually so egregious and cut and dry, that attorneys get paid only if you win the lawsuit - the vast majority will settle out of court with a very sizable settlement.

[PatrickforB]

63. Every guy from 18 up should read the posts on this thread.

Good idea to realize that women don't like getting cat called, whistled at, touched without permission, or propositioned. It's demeaning and insulting. My wife has stories that would curl your hair from the wild and wooly days back in the 80s.

[LizBeth]

77. +1

[iluvtennis]

66. Your post is spot on Trueblue1968, nearly all of us women have suffered some form of

sexual harassment. I'm glad things have changed over the last couple of decades where women [and men] are empowered to call it out and file formal claims, BUT it still happens to this day and that's what is disheartening.

[orleans]

67. i hate to assume

but i think women who were not sexually harrassed in the 60s, 70, 80s, 90s etc are the exception and not the norm.

sometimes it was an unspoken thing, sometimes not--but the culture, as a whole, tolerated it--it was common.

the culture has shifted in the last ten or maybe 15 years; definitely within the last five yrs

[Joinfortmill]

68. Amen, Sister, amen.

[Blue Owl]

69. K&R

[kimbutgar]

71. Exactly I would be a rich woman the number of times men have said inappropriate things to me in

The workplace. In the 80’s and 90’s I worked in the stock market industry and the men were off the wall on the comments they made to me. One guy used to call me on my personal line in The office and say some really sexually abusive stuff to me me what he wanted to do to me. I did complain to my boss but nothing was done about it because boys will be boys attitude. I left that job for another one and it was at the next firm also but not as bad. I’d would have been set for life if I complained about those comments now! But I kept my mouth shut and never complained because I liked making a 6 figure salary with nice bonuses. I would smile and change the subject and after awhile they left me alone.

[Pacifist Patriot]

73. Wish I knew then what I know now.

I'd fucking own a significant piece of L3Harris.