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Wed Feb 10, 2021, 06:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #10-3: This One's For All The Haters In The Room Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #10-3: This One’s For All The Haters In The Room Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! How’s everybody doing? Yeah I know, it’s supposed to get better. We’re still coming at you live from this blank, blue void in the back room of a Burbank comedy club and we will be doing that for the foreseeable future at least. Man, I cannot wait to get back on the road! So how about that Super Bowl? I mean… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huh there was a game happening? Oh I’m sorry, a game is when two teams are playing. Oh well, at least the winning team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers ,won’t have to suffer the embarrassment of going to the White House and having to eat a fast food buffet with the former social media influencer turned president, Donald J. Trump. This time when they are actually able to go to the White House, they will have a real president who will actually present them with some real food and maybe even some beer! Because hey, we all deserve a party when COVID is finally over, am I right about that? Seriously even the commercials sucked this year and was a reminder of the shitty situation that we’re currently stuck in! Yeah I still watched it to spite my racist neighbors who were boycotting it because of the NFL’s support of Black Lives Matter. Yeah congrats to Tom Brady and the Bucs, I guess. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he spells out what went down at the Capitol Riots and how half of America is completely delusional:

So where do we begin this week? Well in the number one slot this week, we have to talk about what’s happening in Myanmar (1). Yes, the country formerly known as Burma has been undergoing some changes, but recently fell under the spell of a coup. And why are we talking about this now? Because the parallels between the Myanmar military and Q Anon are frighteningly similar. Taking the second slot this week, is Kenosha murderer and Alt Right celebrity Kyle Rittenhouse (2). Yet another douchebag from the Trump era that won’t go away, Kyle is facing murder charges and seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. Yeah it’s quite insane. In the number four slot this week is Robinhood (3), and you haven’t heard the last of the stock trading app, especially since now it literally seems to be at war with its’ own customers. In the number 4 slot this week is Mike Lindell! That’s right – the My Pillow CEO is losing his business left and right, and has hit rock bottom. But he’s got a 3 hour documentary that will once and for all solve the voter fraud problem! Or maybe not. Taking the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5), and this week, we’re going to take a look at fast food – particularly that of a certain large sandwich chain. Yes – Subway, but is their tuna really tuna? Only one way to find out! Taking the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and this week – who’s side is God on when it comes to proving the conservative claim of voter fraud? Well our resident pastor will examine both sides of the argument because it’s insane. And in the #7 slot this week – we have a new “Beating A Dead Horse”. While conservatives and conspiracy theorists love to argue about “cancel culture”, we’ll explain it to them using the latest “victim” of this – Marilyn Manson! And speaking of conspiracy theorists, in the #8 slot this week, is a new edition of Conspiracy Corner (8) - and this week, the Proud Boys are adding military firepower to their ranks and for what reason? They’re going crazy and we need to get to the bottom of this before it’s too late! And in the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week, we have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week, in Road To The White House, we’re going to talk about Joe’s plans to celebrate Black History Month, and his plans to use the Super Bowl to increase vaccine awareness! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Myanmar Coup Explained
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We here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots in Burbank recognize that conservative idiocy isn’t just limited to being a national or even a local problem anymore. No, it’s a global problem and the line between our right wing idiots and right wing idiots all over the world is getting increasingly blurred each and every day. As such, we like to feature the international idiots from time to time. And they’re the same no matter where you go. If you’re in say, Spain, and you see someone who’s a belligerent, raging douchebag, you can almost tell which side of the fence they fall on. Same goes for Italy, or France, or Australia, or Brazil. Let’s take what is happening in Myanmar right now as an example. I could literally spend the entire edition comparing the Myanmar military to Q Anon because their beliefs are the same. But I don’t have that kind of time! So let’s get the rundown on what’s going on. Make no mistake that social media played a huge role in this one!

It is widely said that, in Myanmar, Facebook is the internet, so when the military asked for it to be blocked for the sake of "stability" it sent a shockwave through the country.

As Myanmar's military seized control in a coup on 1 February, many Burmese watched events unfold on Facebook in real-time. It's the primary source of information and news, where businesses operate and how authorities disseminate vital information.

Its ubiquity has meant it plays an outsized role in what information is amplified and its real-world impact.

Up until the mid-2000s most people did not have access to the internet or mobile phones under the military-run government.

A sim card could cost hundreds of dollars with the state-owned telecommunications firm, MPT, so mobile penetration was one of the lowest in the world.

OK so you know how Q Anon loves to drone on about military tribunals, martial law, public executions and jailing their political opponents? Well we can literally get a preview of what their wildest fantasies would look like being carried out right now in Myanmar! I mean seriously, this one’s for all the haters in the room. No wait, this is Valentine’s Day let’s do that in a sexy voice. No take it down, like Barry White style. This one’s for all the haters in the room! We did it everybody! We made a military coup sound sexy. But it’s anything but sexy. In fact it’s more Platoon and less Love Actually.

Myanmar's junta shut down the internet in the country on Saturday, as thousands took to the streets of Yangon to denounce this week's coup and demand the release of elected leader Aung San Suu Kyi.

In the first such demonstration since the generals seized power on Monday, activists chanted, "Military dictator, fail, fail; Democracy, win, win" as bystanders offered them food and water.

Many in the crowd wore red, the color of Suu Kyi's National League for Democracy (NLD) which won Nov. 8 elections in a landslide, a result the generals have refused to recognize claiming fraud.

As the protest swelled and activists issued calls on social media for people to join the march, the country's internet crashed.

Monitoring group NetBlocks Internet Observatory reported a "national-scale internet blackout," saying on Twitter that connectivity had fallen to 54 percent of ordinary levels. Witnesses reported a shutdown of mobile data services and Wi-Fi.

Yeah so here’s the thing, Q Anon nuts – the next time you go spouting conspiracy theories about martial law, just think – it will affect you guys as much as it affects us! If a scenario were to arise where the military could cut off the entire internet, it would cut you off too. This really is what Q Anon could look like if their plan to storm the Capitol actually went through! And here’s the bizarre part – the protests were organized through Facebook. And guess what the new government’s first order of business was? That’s right!

Myanmar's military rulers have blocked access to Facebook, days after they overthrew the democratic government.

Officials said the social media platform - for many in Myanmar the main source of online information - would be blocked for the sake of "stability".

Facebook has become a key rallying point for opposition to Monday's coup.

In further civil disobedience, lawmakers are refusing to leave their compound in the capital, and more pot-banging was seen in Yangon.

The coup, led by armed forces chief Min Aung Hlaing, installed an 11-member junta, ending a short period of majority civilian rule.

The military said an election in November had been fraudulent - though the country's election commission said there was no evidence to back up such claims.

Yeah that’s what it could be like. Look, I know that our long-standing policy here at the Top 10 is not to make fun of anything that’s truly horrifying. But the reason why we’re talking about this is because this is everything that Q Anon fans salivate about - think of the worst thing to happen in a Stephen King horror novel and then watch it come to life. The parallels are frightening. We stopped them here, but if what happened in Myanmar actually happened here, it would be catastrophic. Yes I’m paranoid about this but knowing Q nuts in real life, you can see how batshit their fantasies go, and how any scenario can play out like this. We’ll keep an eye on this situation. But for now let’s say it can’t happen here, and thank god for that.

Myanmar's military defended its actions and enacted new restrictions on Monday, exactly one week after it seized control of the government and on the third consecutive day of anti-coup protests that have intensified across the country.

In his first televised address since the takeover, Min Aung Hlaing, a career military officer who is commander in chief of Myanmar's armed forces, repeated claims of fraud in November's election, and said the military will hold new elections and transfer power to the winner. He did not specify when those elections would take place, though the military had previously declared a year-long state of emergency.

The military has imposed a slew of restrictions on gatherings and activities in the country's largest cities of Yangon and Mandalay, effective Monday until further notice.

Those include an 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. curfew, as well as a ban on motorized processions and gatherings of more than five people. They are effective on a township-by-township basis.

In his address, Min Aung Hlaing said an electoral commission did not properly investigate irregularities over voter lists or allow fair campaigning, according to the BBC, which notes that the commission did not find evidence to support claims of widespread fraud. He also promised that a reformed commission would oversee another election, and spoke of achieving a "true and disciplined democracy."

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[font size="8"]Kyle Rittenhouse
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I’ve seriously tried to put a moratorium on talking about this douchebag. I don’t want any part of making him famous because he’s basically George Zimmerman, version 2.0. Yes, you remember that fuck face who became an Alt Right celebrity after murdering an unarmed teenager in a dark alleyway. Well, the next evolution of George Zimmerman is Kyle Rittenhouse. You remember him as the teenager who borrowed an AR-15 and drove across state lines to murder two protestors who were protesting the murder of George Floyd in Wisconsin. And this would be a perfect use of the “How it started / how’s it going” meme. Because it started off well. About as well as it could have for a wannabe teenage mass murderer. And then things went horribly, horribly south as you could predict.

John M. Pierce, a California lawyer who has employed war-like rhetoric in his advocacy and fundraising for Kyle Rittenhouse -- the 17-year-old accused of killing two men and wounding another during a night of unrest in Kenosha, Wisconsin -- filed a motion to withdraw from Rittenhouse's criminal case, just hours after prosecutors alleged in a court filing Thursday that Pierce's reported financial problems raised ethical concerns and a potential conflict of interest.

"So that it does not take Kyle's supporters by surprise, effective immediately I am taking over all civil matters for Kyle including his future defamation claims," Pierce wrote on Twitter Thursday afternoon. "I will also be orchestrating all fundraising for defense costs. The terrific Mark Richards [a local criminal defense attorney] will proceed in Wisconsin."

Kenosha County prosecutor Thomas Binger on Thursday morning took the highly unusual step of advocating against Pierce's request for admission to the criminal case, a procedural measure required of out-of-state lawyers that would typically be granted without objection.

But Binger filled six and a half pages with unsparing criticism of Pierce, citing numerous public statements by Pierce that Binger claimed could "materially prejudic[e]" the case, along with reports of the collapse of Pierce's law firm earlier this year "under a cloud of debt," and several lawsuits alleging Pierce defaulted on hundreds of thousands of dollars in business and personal loans.

Yeah and Kyle Rittenhouse is sort of a racist and a murderer. Now here’s the fun part because you can pretty much see where this is going. And it’s not going what one would call “particularly well”. And by the way, did you know that the Proud Boys have a theme song? Yes they do, and I curse them for making me look this up, but it was a rejected song from Disney’s Aladdin called “Proud Of Our Boy”, and Gavin McInnes adopted that as the official group song. So yeah that and also white power.

During Kyle Rittenhouse’s recent visit to a Racine County tavern, he drank beer, flashed white power signs while posing for photos, and was serenaded with the Proud Boys anthem, according to documents filed by prosecutors Wednesday.

Shortly after he formally entered a not guilty plea at his arraignment on Jan. 5, Rittenhouse spent about two hours at Pudgy’s Pub with his mother and several other people. A photo of Rittenhouse in the bar, wearing a T-shirt that said “Free as [expletive],” was widely shared on social media last week, outraging some in the community. Mount Pleasant Police visited the bar after a complaint, obtaining security video that confirmed Rittenhouse had been in the bar.

Police found Rittenhouse did not violate the conditions of his $2 million bond — state law allows people who are underage to drink if accompanied by a parent or guardian. But they did forward the video on to prosecutors.

Kenosha County prosecutors are now seeking to modify Rittenhouse’s bond, asking the court to order that Rittenhouse should not possess or consume alcohol, that he be restricted from associating with known militia members or known members of white power or white supremacist organizations, and that he be prohibited from publicly displaying symbols and gestures associated with violent white supremacist groups.

Yeah but that doesn’t really apply here. But let’s check in now with how is it going? Well, he’s gone AWOL after being serenaded at a bar with singing racists who flash white power signs. Yeah this dude is 18 and in the last year, during a raging pandemic, he’s had more adventures than I have. But seriously, this is kind of turning into a really, really fucked up version of Smokey & The Bandit.

Since his release from jail, Kyle Rittenhouse has flaunted his freedom. Last month, ABC affiliate WISN12 reported that Rittenhouse was seen at a bar wearing a shirt that read “Free As Fuck.” He allegedly flashed a white power hand signs, took photos with fans, and sang Proud Boy anthems.

Now, the Illinois teen charged with shooting three protesters in Kenosha, Wisconsin last year seems to be MIA. According to NBC affiliate TMJ4 in Milwaukee, an investigation conducted by the Kenosha Police Department determined that Rittenhouse hasn’t lived at the address listed to the court for over a month.

Prosecutors argue that Rittenhouse violated his bond because he failed to update his address with 48 hours of his move, and that the Court is therefore unable to properly monitor Rittenhouse’s whereabouts. They’re also urging the Court to issue a warrant for his arrest and increase his bond by $200,000 so that he can take this whole you-allegedly-murdered-people-and-might-spend-the-rest-of-your-life-in-jail thing a little more seriously.

Rittenhouse has been out of jail since posting $2 million bond with money raised by supporters. These supporters flocked to him after he was rendered into a right-wing boy wonder for playing wannabe minute man during a protest responding to the police shooting of Jacob Blake, a Black man, in Kenosha back in August. Rittenhouse claimed he was in Kenosha to protect businesses from rioters. He allegedly shot three people, killing two, before fleeing the scene and running home to Antioch, Illinois, just across the state border. He was arrested the next day and charged with first-degree intentional homicide, first-degree reckless homicide, attempted first-degree intentional homicide, and two counts of first-degree recklessly endangering safety. Rittenhouse pled not guilty.

Shit, if I were Kyle Rittenhouse’s attorney I’d be drunk too. Oh no wait, I would actually pray to be fired because there’s nothing you can do to defend this douchebag. I mean this case is so toxic that it’s almost impossible to begin to find any moral ground. And it’s a perfect example of what happens when you make terrible people famous. That’s exactly what the Trump administration has done – they make terrible people famous. Trump attracts sick and depraved minds, and Kyle Rittenhouse is no exception, no wonder he’s loved by racists everywhere.

An 18-year-old from Illinois who’s accused of killing two people and wounding a third during a police brutality protest in Wisconsin last summer fired a California attorney who had been soliciting money for his case.

John Pierce, a Los Angeles lawyer, had been at the forefront of Kyle Rittenhouse’s defense, helping raise money from conservatives to post Rittenhouse’s $2 million bail in November. He also hired attorney Mark Richards to handle proceedings in Wisconsin.

Rittenhouse, who is white and was 17 at the time, is accused of shooting three people in Kenosha in August as hundreds were protesting the police shooting of Jacob Blake, a Black man. Rittenhouse, who had come to Kenosha from his home in nearby Antioch, Illinois, has argued they attacked him and he fired in self-defense.

Pierce removed himself from Rittenhouse’s criminal case in December after prosecutors alleged he has “significant financial difficulties” and shouldn’t be allowed to raise money for Rittenhouse. He remained Rittenhouse’s attorney on civil matters

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[font size="8"]Robinhood
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I will admit that I know next to nothing about how the stock market works. But I will say that the clusterfuck that has arisen between Robinhood, Reddit day traders, and billionaire hedge fund managers has been one of the most entertaining thing to come out of late 2020 – early 2021. Because we’re still in a raging pandemic and we don’t know when actual entertainment will return. I hope soon! Last week we brought you the fact that they’re screwing over their customers, and Google and Apple both seem to be looking the other way. So why does Robinhood seem to hate their own customers? Well while we’re talking about the Super Bowl, let’s say for the record that Robinhood had one of the worst ads in Super Bowl history. Like yeah let’s just say “READ THE ROOM, GUYS!!!!”.

Robinhood's Super Bowl ad couldn't have come at a worse time. They're in the midst of a ton of bad press and ran and ad that felt it was made to make people even angrier.

In case you missed the wild saga: Robinhood came under fire after it limited the trades on stocks that Reddit investors targeted to inflate, like AMC and GameStop. This was part of a widespread battle between retail traders and certain hedge funds that had shorted stocks. Robinhood claims they didn't have enough cash to continue trading, making the pricey ad even more controversial.

From the get go, newly popular subreddit r/WallStreetBets was pissed off when Robinhood announced, and debuted, its planned Super Bowl ad. "Fuck Robinhood," posted one commenter as the subreddit floated crowdfunding an (uber expensive) ad of its own. WallStreetBets ended up raising about $30,000 — that's many millions away from from buying a Super Bowl ad — but the contentious atmosphere didn't go away.

To be fair, the ad from Robinhood almost seemed designed to make people angry. The message of the ad is literally "we are all investors" just after it made headlines for denying people the chance to invest. Here's the Robinhood spot that aired toward the end of the big game.

Yeah so you’re already unpopular because you’re telling people not to buy stock in things that you could buy stock from, so you buy ad time to explain that you’re all investors. Yeah read the room guys! Even worse – you know how you try to cancel that subscription service and then you go through customer service hell before you can actually speak to a person to cancel your account? Turns out that Robinhood is guilty of that too!

A U.S. consumer watchdog saw a surge in complaints regarding Robinhood last week, with some clients claiming they were unable to liquidate holdings and move to other brokerage firms.

The Federal Trade Commission received more than 100 Robinhood-related reports from Jan. 24 through Feb. 2, according to the agency. The prior week brought in seven such complaints. Agency data on other firms was not immediately available.

Last week was chaotic for trading platforms as investors piled into GameStop, AMC and other high-flying stocks. Robinhood restricted trading of as many as 50 names due to the volatility, and has since lifted those limits.

The move saw backlash from users and lawmakers who accused Robinhood of market manipulation, and siding with hedge funds managers who shorted those stocks. The start-up said it did not make those decisions based on relationships with market makers, and needed to limit the buy-side so it could meet capital requirements.

I’m pretty sure the only thing that would make Robinhood worse would be if you call customer service and Michael Scott were on the other line. Just what we need – some bad pop culture references and a that’s what she said joke. Am I right? Oh wait that’s what we do. So why are we talking about Robinhood when this is really just more ways of bashing politicians? Well see that’s where the two worlds intersect – Wall Street and DC, and they have a lot more in common than you might think!

As the financial services industry prepares for congressional scrutiny in the coming weeks following the public outcry related to online broker Robinhood’s decision to restrict trading of GameStop Inc. GME, -18.33% and other stocks, the perception of a cozy relationship between financial regulators and the industry could once again come to the fore.

Of particular interest will be regulators’ lack of action in recent years in reforming market structure issues — including payment for order flow, or the practice of market makers paying stockbrokers to route customer orders to them — as many of the former regulators responsible for such reforms are now working for firms in the industry that engage in and profit from the practice.

“We’ve had festering problems for 12 years now of not addressing, acute, pressing market structure issues,” said James Cox, law professor at Duke University, who specializes in corporate and securities law.

Cox said the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority should have done more in recent years to significantly rein in the practice of payment for order flow and to set new rules about the types of orders market makers and stock exchanges can accept from traders that can give them informational advantages over individual investors.

Everything burns! Even the stock market can burn and they are getting burned quite badly with this whole Robinhood debacle. But you know the phrase “risk management” comes to mind and everything Robinhood is doing is what one might consider “risky”. Especially when you’ve planned an IPO and your customers are being pissed off that badly, it could end as badly for them as you might expect!

The Super Bowl ad that Robinhood is airing this weekend doesn’t talk much about stocks, and maybe that’s for the better.

A surge in stock trading by retail investors has put the investing app in the spotlight, and it’s likely to stay there for several months. In the weeks ahead, the company’s CEO, Vlad Tenev, is set to testify before Congress, and after that—perhaps as soon as the second quarter—Robinhood is expected to go public. The initial-public-offering process will probably highlight Robinhood’s huge growth, but also the significant risks it faces in trying to overturn decades of Wall Street norms.

Robinhood, founded in 2013, has risen from plucky start-up to central player in the broker wars, and it’s now an important part of the plumbing of the U.S. financial system. Its basic innovation—commission-free trading—has realigned the industry and helped attract millions of new Americans to stock investing.

Robinhood’s platform became the central battlefield where retail traders took on Wall Street during the GameStop (ticker: GME) frenzy late last month. But the company faltered at a key moment, banning the buying of GameStop, AMC Entertainment (AMC), and several other stocks just as retail investors were rushing in.

Well this might be one of the best things about this story. You know how when an angry mob starts destroying the wrong thing when they don’t know what they’re even angry at anymore? Well guess what happened? The angry mob that was bent on destroying Robinhood, the investing app, wound up taking aim at the wrong Robin Hood! I think they need to refine their Google searches a bit better!

The day Robinhood Markets Inc. brokerage restricted trading in GameStop Corp. , a howl rose among the small-time traders looking to take a swing at Wall Street big shots during the market’s end-of-January frenzy.

The trading folderol caught the attention of Robin Hood enthusiasts in Nottingham, England, where legends swirl of past campaigns to squeeze the rich.

Bob White, at home that day, Jan. 28, was the first to see opportunity. His phone started beeping and wouldn’t let up. As chairman of the World Wide Robin Hood Society—a band of some 10 people—Mr. White handles the group’s Twitter account, @robinhood. Most days, he said, he gets one or two pings.

Furious traders messaged him as the feud between Reddit users and Wall Street blew up, thinking his was the Twitter account of Robinhood, the brokerage, not Robin Hood, the legendary outlaw’s booster group.

“The thing was just going ping, ping, ping, ping,” the 77-year-old author and amateur historian said. “All these messages were just scrolling off the screen, about how they couldn’t trade these stocks.”

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[font size="8"]Mike Lindell
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At the end of this week, My Pillow should probably change its’ name to My Bankruptcy. Yes, the sleep manufacturing conglomerate founded by former drug addict turned born again Christian turned batshit hardcore Trump conspiracy theorist Mike Lindell is in some really deep shit. We already reported on how his part in the Capitol Riot caused major department stores to drop his business. So what do you do when that happens? Do you cry into your own product? No! In Mike Lindell’s case he’s so determined to prove that voter fraud existed in the 2020 election that he simply made a 3 hour documentary incorporating every conspiracy theory that’s ever been on Youtube or social media. And it got picked up and aired by OAN. That’s how it started, anyways!

“Absolute Proof,” the so-called “documentary” about election fraud from My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell, has been yanked by YouTube.

The two-hour film sees the avid Donald Trump supporter falsely claim that the former president won the 2020 presidential election, repeating a number of debunked election fraud claims in the process. The film was uploaded to multiple platforms, with several sites since YouTube removed it. YouTube said in a statement on Friday that all versions of the film would be taken down.

“Per our presidential election integrity policy, we remove content uploaded after the safe harbor deadline that advances false claims that widespread fraud, errors, or glitches changed the outcome of the 2020 U.S. presidential election,” a rep for the company told Fast Company. “We removed this video and its reuploads in accordance with this policy.”

The video has also been flagged on Facebook and will have its distribution “reduced” after being rated false by fact-checkers. According to Vice, it has also been removed from Vimeo.

The conservative news network OAN inserted a lengthly disclaimer before airing “Absolute Proof” in an attempt to distance themselves from Lindell. Dominion Voting Systems and Smartmatic, two of the companies whose technology has been at the center of many of the election fraud claims, have both filed lawsuits targeting proponents of the false assertions in the film.

That's right! You saw the documentary before it got pulled from Youtube, now buy the pillows! Use promo code "ABSOLUTELYWORTHLESS" and "OWNTHELIBS" to get 20% off at checkout! Thank you fake audience! I am here all week! But wait there’s more! This might be my favorite part of this and I’ll let the story run before I point out the irony. But this is too damn good not to mention this week.

MyPillow CEO and staunch Donald Trump supporter Mike Lindell, who had been promising for weeks to drop “evidence” backing unfounded claims of election fraud and vote tampering in the 2020 U.S. presidential election, found the effort undermined Friday as the channel on which his quasidocumentary aired took pre-emptive steps to avoid appearing to vouch for its credibility.

Lindell’s three-hour movie, “Absolute Proof,” which he put together over the past two weeks and had claimed would show “100 percent” that China and other countries manipulated votes in President Joe Biden’s favor — there is zero evidence to support such claims, and Biden beat incumbent Trump by more than 7 million votes, 4½ percentage points and 74 votes in the Electoral College — premiered Friday on the right-wing One American News Network, or OAN.

Much to the amusement of many on Twitter TWTR, 3.71%, OAN aired a lengthy disclaimer ahead of “Absolute Proof” advising viewers that “the statements and claims expressed in this program are presented at this time as opinions only and are not intended to be taken or interpreted by the viewer as established facts.”

Early reviews of the footage have noted there is no actual proof provided, only more of the same conspiracy theories and misinformation that Lindell has trafficked in for weeks. Indeed, several viewers shared screenshots of YouTube removing the Lindell movie for violating its terms of service, although some pro-Lindell users of the Alphabet-owned GOOGL, -0.08% GOOG, -0.01% video service have continued to upload “Absolute Proof” to the platform. Alphabet was not immediately available for comment, but a spokesperson reportedly told Vice that the video “violated our presidential election integrity policy.”

Ooh can we have the Offspring sing it? I think it would be even funnier if they did it, and I know Noodles, he hates Trump! But let’s think about the underlying irony here – OAN is the most pro-Trump TV network around, airing a 3 hour documentary from the most pro-Trump guy not named Donald Trump, with a lengthy disclaimer saying that the views in the documentary are not the views of OAN! See? Even they occasionally have to play by the rules! But this might be my favorite story – My Pillow now has some real competition! Coming from Parkland survivor David Hogg! Yes!

Who's up for a pillow fight?

Parkland, Florida, shooting survivor and gun control advocate David Hogg says he wants to launch his own pillow company to compete with MyPillow, whose CEO, Mike Lindell, has been a vocal supporter of former President Donald Trump and has insisted the 2020 election was rigged.

The idea started on Twitter as an apparent joke, when entrepreneur William LeGate asked Hogg, "What if we put MyPillow out of business?"

In a later series of tweets, Hogg, 20, said he and LeGate were serious about starting the pillow company. "The website will be up in a couple weeks we are very much in the early stages right now. But we really are doing this," Hogg wrote.

In a CNN interview, he said that they are hoping to find a union pillow factory to manufacture their product in the USA but "it's very hard."

You’re supposed to buy the pillows, not destroy them! Well you can destroy My Pillows anyways! But that said, Mike Lindell is soon going to be up shit creek without a paddle. But in case you’re wondering if Mr. Hogg is serious or not, he’s dead serious on taking down My Pillow with a more consumer, environmental, and politically friendly pillow company. I definitely look forward to buying one!

A Parkland High School shooting survivor and gun control advocate may be a new competitor for the MyPillow company.

Twenty-year-old David Hogg is considering whether to launch his own pillow company to compete against the embattled bedding company MyPillow.

The MyPillow company has lost financial value since CEO and founder Mike Lindell showed his unwavering support of former President Donald Trump.

On Thursday Hogg tweeted out, "Mike "The MyPillow Guy" this pillow fight just got very real."

Hogg is taking name suggestions on Twitter, one of them is "Our Pillow."

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Subway Tuna Suit
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

Every 5 or 6 years, there is a major lawsuit against a major fast food company alleging that the “meat” that they sell isn’t exactly real meat. 10 years ago, that lawsuit took on Taco Bell, alleging that the ground beef that they sold wasn’t exactly beef. This time around, the target is the world’s largest sandwich chain, Subway. Subway previously got hit with a lawsuit alleging that their bread contained an ingredient that’s also found in gym mats. But the target of the new lawsuit alleges that Subway’s tuna isn’t real tuna. Which could explain why it’s one of the highest calorie sandwiches you can get on the menu. So what do you get when you actually order a tuna sandwich at Subway? Well, the lawsuit alleges that you could get something that isn’t what you paid for.

A new lawsuit filed against a popular sandwich chain gives new meaning to the term "mystery meat."

Subway, a company known for its footlong subs, is facing claims that its tuna sandwiches and wraps don't actually contain any tuna at all, as first reported by The Washington Post.

The complaint, filed on Jan. 21 in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California, names two plaintiffs who allege that they “were tricked into buying food items that wholly lacked the ingredients they reasonably thought they were purchasing.”
Alameda County residents Karen Dhanowa and Nilima Amin are suing Subway for several claims including fraud, intentional misrepresentation and unjust enrichment. According to a copy of the lawsuit obtained by TODAY Food, the plaintiffs claim that an independent testing of the sandwich ingredients confirmed that the "products are made from anything but tuna

So how is Subway handling the suit? Well about as well as you might expect. Of course they’re going to come out and say that their tuna salad is actually real tuna. But if you dig deeper their tuna might actually contain chicken. Which would wreak havoc on certain diets. And that’s exactly what the lawsuit is alleging. But let’s take a minute to see what is actually being sued for here.

Alex Brown, an attorney with the Lanier Law Firm who is representing Dhanowa and Amin in the case, said the firm is trying to determine what ingredients are used in Subway's tuna. "We are conducting tests to figure out what it is. The lab tests thus far have only told us what it isn't," he said in an email to CBS MoneyWatch last week.

A spokesperson for the company denied the claims laid out in the lawsuit. "There simply is no truth to the allegations in the complaint that was filed in California," Maggie Truax, director of Global PR, said in an email to CBS MoneyWatch. "Subway delivers 100% cooked tuna to its restaurants, which is mixed with mayonnaise and used in freshly made sandwiches, wraps and salads that are served to and enjoyed by our guests."

According to the company's website, the tuna salad in the chain's sandwiches is made with flaked tuna in brine, mayonnaise and a flavor-protecting additive.

"Unfortunately, this lawsuit is part of a trend in which the named plaintiffs' attorneys have been targeting the food industry in an effort to make a name for themselves in that space," Truax said.

At least Krusty Burger would probably use actual fish in their fish sandwiches. So Subway’s tuna isn’t really tuna at all. It’s more of a mixture of chicken and flaked tuna, then doused with mayonnaise. Which probably makes the Krusty fish sandwich a healthier alternative. What’s in the actual lawsuit you might ask? Well using real tuna costs money. And Subway is out to move as many sandwiches as possible, so they might cut corners on their products. Which isn’t really that shocking.

According to the lawsuit, California Subway locations "are deceptively saving substantial sums of money in manufacturing the Products because the fabricated ingredient they use in the place of tuna costs less money." Let's examine that.

A spokesperson for Subway told the Washington Post the tuna in their sandwiches is wild-caught, and the company's website describes it as "flaked," which means it's made up of the leftover pieces from a loin of tuna. Essentially, that's the same stuff you get in a can of Starkist. According to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, the average price of one ton of frozen, wild-caught skipjack—the kind of fish most commonly used in canned tuna—hovered around $1,000 throughout 2020.

Each six-inch Subway tuna sandwich contains no more than 150 grams of tuna, according to nutrition information from Subway. There are 907,185 grams in a ton—enough to make about 6,000 subway tuna sandwiches. At $1,000 a ton, the tuna on each individual Subway sandwich theoretically costs the company about 16 cents.

Perhaps, as the lawsuit against Subway claims, there's some other, cheaper substance out there that looks like tuna, smells like tuna, and tastes like tuna, and Subway is putting it on their sandwiches. But it's hard to imagine something like that costing less than 16 goddamn cents per sandwich.

Yes, Subway has been featured in many different advertisements. But if you don’t believe Subway you are welcome to try it yourself. In fact the store has an interesting take on the subject. It’s almost like when someone denounces an advertiser, then finds out that the advertiser is sponsoring your own program! Whoa, that’s a whole new level of meta!

Subway is offering a 15% discount for its tuna fish sandwich after a lawsuit claimed the sandwiches don't contain real tuna.

The complaint argued that the ingredients used in the sandwich do not contain tuna, and that the company used misleading marketing to get customers to buy them.

Subway denied these claims, and started the discount. Customers just have to use the code "itsreal" to get the discount, PennLive reported.

“Our tuna salad is 100% tuna mixed with mayo,” Subway's website states.

The lawsuit was filed in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California, but attorneys are pushing to get the claim certified as a class action lawsuit, the Washington Post reported.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the virtual pew and pass the VENMO collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know this has been a truly unprecedented time that we are currently living in when there’s still a great plague going on. But people are still fighting about the 2020 election! Never mind that it’s already been decided and the guy who is really the 46th president of the United States has already been inaugurated and is already making policies that will affect the United States and probably the entire world. But that doesn’t matter! The 45th president of the United States – that’s right, the unholy, ungodly Dark One thinks he still has a shot! Yes, even though he is no longer the president of the United States, his name shall not be said in my church, whether it is real or virtual! To hell with him! To HELL I say!!! So what does JAYSUS think of the issue? And where does GAWD stand?

incited a crowd to attack the U.S. Capitol, opened with a prayer. Trump’s longtime spiritual adviser and White House adviser, the Florida televangelist Paula White, called on God to “give us a holy boldness in this hour.” Standing at the same podium where, an hour later, Trump would exhort the crowd to “fight like hell,” White called the election results into question, asking God to let the people “have the assurance of a fair and a just election.” Flanked by a row of American flags, White implored God to “let every adversary against democracy, against freedom, against life, against liberty, against justice, against peace, against righteousness be overturned right now in the name of Jesus.”

Within hours, insurrectionists had surrounded the Capitol, beaten police, battered down barricades and doors, smashed windows and rampaged through the halls of the Capitol, breaching the Senate chamber. In video captured by The New Yorker, men ransacked the room, rifling through senators’ binders and papers, searching for evidence of what they claimed was treason. Then, standing on the rostrum where the president of the Senate presides, the group paused to pray “in Christ’s holy name.” Men raised their arms in the air as millions of evangelical and charismatic parishioners do every Sunday and thanked God for allowing them “to send a message to all the tyrants, the communists and the globalists, that this is our nation, not theirs.” They thanked God “for allowing the United States of America to be reborn.”

But there is you see, for this is a house of GAWD! And GAWD failed on January 6th, because we’re learning that the Dark One commanded his minions to wreak havoc, and they did wreak some havoc all right, even if that meant for them all to get arrested! I mean is this Making America Great Again? I’m sure that even the LAWRD does not want him in power! But there’s signs everywhere, even where you might least suspect them!

QAnon conspiracy theorist and supposed “prophet” Johnny Enlow streamed a “special prophetic broadcast” on his YouTube page Monday morning in which he sought to reveal the supposed prophetic significance in the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ Super Bowl victory Sunday night.

Enlow, who claimed in January that the result of the college football national championship game was a prophetic sign that President Donald Trump would remain in office (he didn’t), asserted that a game-sealing interception by Buccaneers’ linebacker Devin White near the end of the game prophetically signaled that Trump will return to office because White wears the number 45.

“A snapshot that really gives the big picture revelation is what happened with just under two minutes left in the game and a player named Devin White—number 45 for the Tampa Bay Bucs—number 45 intercepts in the end zone a pass from the Kansas City Chiefs’ quarterback,” Enlow said. “And with that, what takes place immediately is celebration begins.”

“All the observers already knew even before that point that Tampa Bay had won the game, because they had a huge lead.,” he continued. “It was 31-9, but at that point, it took out even the possibility [of a comeback], that was just it, there was no miracle comeback at that point, once number 45 [intercepted the pass]. So, I’m going to make a [prophetic] connection with number 45 intercepting the enemy in the end zone, and that’s when the celebration takes place, and I’m going to connect that with our president number 45—Donald Trump, the Cyrus 45, Isaiah 45 anointing—and so that’s where it ends, that’s the moment of celebration.”

Oh but all things are about the LAWRD our GAWD! They are not about the unholy, ungodly Dark One, because that man is such a disgusting pig of a human that we can’t even begin to list how desperate and depraved that man is. But really this is the Da Vinci Code but for idiots. But do we really need the church *MORE* involved in politics? And I ask this as a preacher! But I say this because they’ve already done enough damage!

Rob McCoy, a religious-right pastor-politician based in Southern California, continues to promote the false claim that the presidential election was stolen from former President Donald Trump in battleground states won by President Joe Biden. McCoy appeared on Monday’s “Wallbuilders Live,” hosted by Christian nationalist “historian” David Barton and his co-host Rick Green.

McCoy is closely aligned with influential right-wing figures, including Christian nationalist political operative David Lane and Turning Point USA founder and Falkirk Center co-founder Charlie Kirk. McCoy resigned his position on the Thousand Oaks City Council earlier this year so he could lead defiance of COVID-19-related restrictions on church gatherings.

On the show, Green, Barton, and McCoy postured as voices of reason and truth in a sea of deception from the left and right, particularly what they called “hopium”—messages from right-wing leaders who assured Trump supporters that he would definitely remain in power, whether through martial law or divine intervention.

But despite portraying himself as a voice of truth, McCoy continued to promote the big lie at the core of the post-election turmoil, including the deadly insurrection at the Capitol. Here’s McCoy speaking with Barton and Green:

No there is no salvaging for that man. It’s time to cast him aside and support a real man – Joe Biden – who is righteous and godly, and will lead us into a new era of prosperity after what we’ve been through in the last year! But you just can’t go and declare yourself the government. That’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works! But keep telling yourself that, guys!

Religious-right author and pundit Eric Metaxas hosted Virginia pastor Bill Cook on his radio show last Friday, where Cook said that all legitimate governments are based in “the lordship of Jesus Christ” and that Christians are “called to govern.” Cook met Metaxas at a pro-Trump “prayer rally” on the National Mall organized by Jericho March and Stop the Steal.

Cook wore an Oath Keepers T-shirt while speaking at the Dec. 12 rally. On the same stage later that day, Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes threatened bloody civil war if Trump did not stay in power. Several Oath Keepers have been charged with conspiring to commit violence in connection with the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol.

Cook founded a group called America’s Black Robe Regiment. The “black robe regiment,” often invoked by Christian nationalist leaders who want to get conservative pastors more involved in right-wing politics, refers to Colonial-era pastors who mobilized men in their churches to join the war for independence from England.

Historian John Fea responded to Cook’s appearance with Metaxas in a blog post in which he wrote, “There was no such thing as the ‘black robe regiment’ in revolutionary America.” Fea noted that Cook told Metaxas that everything he knew about the black robe regiment he learned from religious-right “historian” David Barton. Like Right Wing Watch, Fea has spent years challenging Barton’s “false claims and misleading interpretations of American history.” Barton’s book about Thomas Jefferson was pulled by his Christian publisher after many historians complained about its inaccuracies

Well that is a good question Homer! We can’t tell you the answer though! But I will say, if the churches on the right want to die on the hill that supports the unholy Dark One, so be it! More for us! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Marilyn Manson
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Is anyone really that surprised that a guy who took his stage name from one of the world’s most notorious serial killers for shock value would turn out to be a narcissistic, psychopathic, abusive, raging douchebag? No? Yeah us neither. While the entire world is lecturing each other about the concept of “cancel culture”, we can see it in action! Now before I go any further, I must state the official Top 10 policy that we do not make fun of abuse or anything that would be considered horrifying. But we can take shots at someone as horrible as Marilyn Manson, am I right? Here’s the other burning question that I have – why would anyone date someone who is easily searched on a Google database like this when you can easily find this out about someone? But that’s neither here nor there.

Tony Ciulla, who managed Marilyn Manson for the past 25 years, has dropped the shock rocker as a client, a source close to the situation confirmed to Rolling Stone. The move comes after several women, including actress and Manson’s ex-fiancé Evan Rachel Wood, accused Manson of sexual and physical abuse.

Ciulla started managing Manson in 1996, the same year the artist put out his mainstream breakthrough, Antichrist Superstar. He stood by the singer, whose real name is Brian Warner, through multiple controversies — including criticism that followed the musician after the Columbine shooting — and myriad lawsuits. Manson has been subject to suits by both former band members over royalty disputes and alleged assaults on security personnel at concerts.

But Ciulla’s stance changed this week after Wood named Manson as the previously anonymous abuser she referenced while testifying before the California Senate in relation to the state’s Phoenix Act, which extends the statute of limitations on domestic violence from three years to five. (Ciulla declined to comment.)

“The name of my abuser is Brian Warner, also known to the world as Marilyn Manson,” Wood wrote on Instagram Monday. “He started grooming me when I was a teenager and horrifically abused me for years. I was brainwashed and manipulated into submission. I am done living in fear of retaliation, slander, or blackmail. I am here to expose this dangerous man and call out the many industries that have enabled him before he ruins any more lives. I stand with the many victims who will no longer be silent.” Four other women came forward with similar stories in an article for Vanity Fair.

Yeah maybe a little bit! Oh no wait, a whole lot! So let me explain where the concept of “cancel culture” comes in. Brian Warner, the musician who is known as Marilyn Manson, is an abusive douchebag. We’re not going to list all the creepy things he’s done, like upskirt photos, or pulling guns on people. We don’t have that kind of time! When you’re an abusive douchebag and you get found out as an abusive douchebag, bad things should happen to you! But despite all the creepy things he’s done, it’s actually having the reverse effect!

In the week following new claims of abuse from actress Evan Rachel Wood and other women, Marilyn Manson’s latest single, “Don’t Chase The Dead,” has fallen off Billboard’s Mainstream Rock Airplay chart, while his total on-demand streams and digital sales rose slightly last week.

“Don’t Chase The Dead,” the latest single from Manson’s 2020 album We Are Chaos, falls out of Mainstream Rock Airplay’s top 40 after posting at No. 34 on last week’s chart. The song had spent 12 weeks on the tally since debuting on the chart dated Nov. 21, 2020, and reached a peak of No. 29.

According to MRC Data, “Don’t Chase The Dead” received 102 spins on Mainstream Rock Airplay reporters in the seven-day tracking period ending Feb. 7, down from 194 plays in the previous week, according to MRC Data. The song had been declining in plays in each of the three prior weeks, peaking four weeks ago with 245 plays.

Meanwhile, Manson’s total on-demand streams were up 7% in the week ending Feb. 4 to 6 million. His digital sales reached 2,000, a 40% increase (also in the week ending Feb. 4).

That is a good question, sir! Here’s the thing guys, if you don’t want to be canceled, maybe I don’t know, don’t do things that could get you canceled? Like being a creepy douchebag for instance? That could get you canceled, and it’s what got Roy Moore canceled. Now let’s hear from Warner / Manson himself, and you know the statement is going to be really shitty. You know, when you’re in a hole, the best thing to do is to stop digging!

Wood and Manson began dating when she was 19 and he was 38. They got engaged in 2010, but ended their relationship a few months later.

Following Wood's post, Manson's record label Loma Vista Recordings cut ties with him and released a statement: "In light of today's disturbing allegations by Evan Rachel Wood and other women naming Marilyn Manson as their abuser, Loma Vista will cease to further promote his current album, effective immediately. Due to these concerning developments we have also decided not to work with Marilyn Manson on any future projects."

Manson had a reoccurring role on the Starz show, "American Gods" but the network has now decided to curtail their working relationship with him as well.
"Due to the allegations made against Marilyn Manson, we have decided to remove his performance from the remaining episode he is in, scheduled to air later this season. Starz stands unequivocally with all victims and survivors of abuse," the network said in a statement.

Now it doesn’t quite work that way. I know what you music heads are thinking – what does Trent Reznor think about all of this? You know that Marilyn Manson started out on his Nothing Records label. I’m sure right now he’s making faces at record labels going “I told you so” followed by a very childish “neener neener”. Oh wait, Trent doesn’t do that sort of thing. But here’s how that is going!

Nine Inch Nails frontman and The Social Network composer Trent Reznor has issued a new statement regarding former friend and collaborator Marilyn Manson.

Trent Reznor sent Pitchfork a statment. It reads: “I have been vocal over the years about my dislike of Manson as a person and cut ties with him nearly 25 years ago. As I said at the time, the passage from Manson’s memoir is a complete fabrication. I was infuriated and offended back when it came out and remain so today.”

Reznor’s statement addresses Manson’s autobiography The Long Hard Road Out of Hell. In the book Manson says he and Reznor physically and sexually assaulted an inebriated woman in the 90s. Screenshots of the book circulated on Twitter after multiple women came forward with allegations that Manson abused them.

Manson’s record label dropped him. They released a statement. It reads: “In light of today’s disturbing allegations by Evan Rachel Wood and other women naming Marilyn Manson as their abuser, Loma Vista will cease to further promote his current album, effective immediately. Due to these concerning developments, we have also decided not to work with Marilyn Manson on any future projects”. An upcoming episode of Creepshow featuring Manson will not air and will be replaced. You can read Mason’s response to these allegations HERE.

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner: Proud Boys Go Guerilla
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Welcome back to the segment where we attempt to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! See when man has things that he can’t explain, the mind obviously goes to conspiracies. We are coming to you live from our underground bunker deep in the badlands of New Mexico. Undisclosed location, of course! Just allow me to adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference… they can read minds, don’t you know? Well this week, it seems that conspiracy theorists have become self-aware, and one such group is the Proud Boys. Now the fight club of the alt right is adding some much needed military firepower, and this is where things could get really crazy.

The majority of the Proud Boys who dressed up in matching polo shirts and attempted to disrupt a peaceful protest in Halifax more than three years ago are still in the military, even though the federal government deemed the alt-right group a terrorist organization last week.

The five men — four of them in the navy and one an army soldier — attended a July 1, 2017 ceremony meant to honour Canada's missing and murdered Indigenous women near the statue of former governor Edward Cornwallis, infamous for his 1749 scalping proclamation aimed at Mi'kmaq people.

“Of the five members involved in this incident, two have since released from the Forces, and three have completed required counselling and probation and have renounced their affiliation with the Proud Boys,” Jessica Lamirande, who speaks for the Department of National Defence, said in an email responding to a question about whether the new terrorist designation means the men would be kicked out of the military.

“These actions are absolutely not tolerated behaviour in the CAF. There are serious consequences for any CAF members who express intolerance while in — or out — of uniform.”

You know why do these guys wear fucking polo shirts? That doesn’t say “I am the leader of a rogue guerilla wannabe military unit”, that says “Come take a look at this used Kia Optima, only $329 per month!”. But there is good news – the Proud Boys are finally getting the terrorist designation that they very much deserve! So Canada is calling the Proud Boys terrorists, will the Biden administration? Let’s hope they are!

Canada formally designated the Proud Boys as a terrorist group under its criminal law on Wednesday, a move that could lead to financial seizures and allow police to treat any crimes committed by members as terrorist activity.

Government officials said they believe Canada is the first nation to label the Proud Boys a terrorist entity. The events last month in Washington, they added, contributed to the move, which was already under consideration.

“Since 2018, we have seen an escalation, an escalation toward violence in this group,” Bill Blair, the public safety minister, told a news conference, adding that the Proud Boys and 12 other groups added to the list on Wednesday are “all hateful, intolerant and, as we’ve seen, they can be highly dangerous.”

An official, who spoke on the condition that he not be identified, said that while information gleaned after the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol in Washington was a “contributing factor, it certainly wasn’t the driving force.”

And what’s their excuse for morphing from a protest group designed to beat up protestors in the way that the Harlem Globetrotters beat up the Washington Generals, to a full blown terrorist organization that is going to overthrow the government? Well it can be boiled down to four simple words “Because Trump said so”. That’s right – 4th grade ideology, 4th grade ideas. And their minds haven’t progressed beyond the 4th grade, either.

With former President Donald Trump's second impeachment trial starting today, Senate Democrats are focused on trying to tie a direct line between Trump's rhetoric and the deadly attack on the U.S. Capitol by his supporters.

An ABC News investigation into the nearly 200 accused rioters facing federal charges for their alleged involvement at the Capitol -- based on court filings, military records, interviews, and available news reports-- found that at least fifteen individuals who stormed the building have since said that they acted based on Trump's encouragement, including some of those accused of the most violent and serious crimes.

"I believed I was following the instructions of former President Trump," said Garret Miller in a statement released through his lawyer. "I also left Washington and started back to Texas immediately after President Trump asked us to go home."

Miller, who admitted to entering the Capitol in his statement, also threatened to "assassinate" Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez that same day, which he apologized for.

Tin foil hats and bras – interesting choice of uniforms! But the thing is that Trump may be gone, but his adoring fans aren’t; but they aren’t the only ones who are getting rowdier and adding some military firepower to their ranks. But the fact that the Proud Boys are recruiting former military members shows that there is extremism in the military and that it should be rooted out. Now that’s a conspiracy!

On January 6, Larry Rendall Brock Jr. stood on the floor of the United States Senate. He and thousands of others had attacked Congress and sacked the Capitol building. Rendall was clad in a helmet and tactical gear. He held white zip tie handcuffs in his right hand.

Brock is a retired lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Air Force. He graduated from the Air Force Academy in 1989. And in a recently deleted LinkedIn profile, first reported by The New Yorker, Brock described himself as having served as a flight commander with the 706th Fighter Squadron. He retired in 2014 and on Facebook, he once posted that he was preparing for "a second civil war." According to NPR, in the weeks after President Biden's election victory, Brock posted: "We are now under occupation by a hostile governing force."

Brock was arrested and charged several days after the attack. Of the more than 140 people charged so far, almost 20% have some current or former service connection to the military, according to an NPR analysis.

In 2019, the Military Times polled active duty service members and found that more than 30% of white service members said they'd personally witnessed examples of white nationalism, such as white supremacist tattoos and Nazi-style salutes within the ranks. According to the same report, more than 50% of minority service members said "they have personally witnessed examples of white nationalism or ideological-driven racism," and "Overall, troops who responded to the poll cited white nationalists as a greater national security threat than both domestic terrorism with a connection to Islam, as well as immigration." These numbers are up significantly from similar polls the Military Times fielded in 2017 and 2018.

So if there’s one cross section that the Proud Boys and the military have, it’s they actually have members of both groups. And there’s probably both ex-military and the Proud Boys involved in the Capitol Riots. We may never know the full extent of the damage that was done. Or who was there, or who gets caught. But one thing’s for certain – you don’t bring zip lines, pipe bombs, and AR-15s to a supposedly peaceful protest.

Of the 125 federal arrests made so far in connection with the riot at the Capitol earlier this month, most have been relatively simple: Agents and prosecutors have put together cases largely by scouring the news and social media for incriminating photographs and videos.

Some of the evidence has been almost comically easy to obtain. Several people have been turned in by their loved ones or have openly bragged about their roles in the attack on Facebook or in interviews with their hometown newspapers. One man went so far as to post a photo of himself on Instagram with a helpful finger-pointing icon and the words, “THIS IS ME.”

But the inquiry into the Capitol assault, a huge effort that has focused its attention on as many as 400 people, took an important turn this week as prosecutors filed their first serious conspiracy charges, accusing three members of the right-wing militia group the Oath Keepers of plotting the incursion in advance. If, as they have promised, investigators are hoping to narrow their gaze on organized extremists who may have preplanned the attack, they are going to have to use a different and more difficult-to-master set of skills.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And one thing I’ve learned about this year is that people are stupider than ever. Especially since we’re still in the middle of a raging pandemic! But even that hasn’t stopped stupid people from being stupid. I want to start with this story out of Oklahoma. The article doesn’t specify the town but does state some positively shocking information about the criminal in question. And really we’re on the side of the woman who tore down the flag, because, fuck Nazis. But I want to talk about this story because, yeah, fuck Nazis. And would you guess this guy has a profile on Gab? I’m not at all shocked. This story has everything!

The unarmed woman who was shot in the back after tearing down a Nazi flag flying in front of the gunman’s Oklahoma home has sued her assailant for negligence, according to court records.

In a January 28 District Court petition, Kyndal McVey, 26, accuses Alexander Feaster of acting with “reckless disregard” in connection with the shooting last year outside Feaster’s residence in the town of Hunter (pop. 173).

McVey was at a party across from Feaster’s home last June when she crossed the street around 2:55 AM and grabbed one of the two swastika flags flying outside the residence. As McVey fled with the flag, Feaster--carrying an AR-15 rifle--emerged from his home.

Without warning, the 45-year-old Feaster fired at least seven shots at McVey, who was struck several times in the lower abdomen and legs, according to a probable cause affidavit. Police found McVey (seen at right) in a ditch across from Feaster’s property.

McVey’s gunshot injuries required multiple surgeries and several weeks of hospitalization. Her lawsuit is seeking in excess of $75,000 in damages for “mental and physical pain and suffering,” medical expenses, lost time, and “change in physical and mental condition.”

Yeah where are Jake and Elwood when you need them? Next up – if you’ve seen any of the Marvel movies, particularly Guardians Of The Galaxy 2, in the beginning of that movie, the plot is put in motion when Rocket Raccoon steals a bunch of rare batteries. Well, guess what? In real life that happened, and what makes this dumb is these batteries have a location tracker in them, so Verizon was easily able to identify that they were stolen! D’oh!!!

A 32-year-old man was arrested for allegedly stealing four deep-cycle batteries which were used to power a San Bernardino, California Verizon cell tower site, according to the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department.

On January 14, a suspect cut two padlocks to access the cell towner site at 17101 State 330 Highway. Unbeknownst to the thief, the batteries were equipped with GPS tracking devices.

On the following day, the GPS was tracked and located at the residence of Kenneth McFarlane, who is on San Bernardino felony probation, the Sheriff’s Department said. McFarlane was alone in the garage with all four stolen batteries, the Sheriff’s Department said in a statement.


Some carriers are using GPS enabled batteries that are automatically triggered when they are removed from an enclosure, rack room or shelter, alerting the NOC through text and email notifications.

Yeah maybe Rocket isn’t the best being to go to for advice. Next up – we go to the Oregon city of Beaverton for this stupid criminal story. So here’s the thing – if you are going to steal a car, you might want to, I don’t know, check for things like toddlers or small persons in them. But also, you might not want to be around at the crime scene if you get caught because that could turn ugly quickly.

A car thief who found a toddler in the backseat of a stolen vehicle drove back and chastised the mother for leaving the child unattended before taking off again, police in Oregon said.


A store employee told authorities the woman was in the market for a few minutes before someone began driving away with the SUV. Once the thief realized the toddler was in the backseat, he drove back, berated the woman for leaving her child unattended, told the woman to take the child and drove away in the stolen vehicle.

“He actually lectured the mother for leaving the child in the car and threatened to call the police on her,” Henderson said.

The vehicle was found a few hours later in Portland but police are still searching for the thief. The suspect was said to be in his 20s or 30s with dark brown or black braided hair and a multi-colored face mask.

Police said anyone with information on the theft should contact the department.


Ah, great movie! Next up – we got to go to our favorite state of Florida. Yes, America’s most penis-shaped state never fails to amaze with all of the crazy people they have. And here’s the thing – you don’t want to send drugs through the mail. That’s why you have vigilante groups for that sort of thing, because if you send meth through the mail, you will get caught. And that’s exactly what happened.

A man from Florida is going to prison on drug charges after mailing more than 18 pounds of methamphetamine to West Virginia.

According to United States Attorney Mike Stuart, Thomas Drew Bess, 39, of Flordia was sentenced to 30 years in federal prison on a charge of “conspiracy to distribute 50 grams or more of methamphetamine.”
Crews respond to fire at Charleston business

“It’s 30 years in prison for Bess who mailed more than 18 pounds of meth from Los Angeles to Charleston,” said United States Attorney Mike Stuart. “It was the great teamwork between the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, the DEA, the U.S. Postal Service-OIG, the West Virginia National Guard and my office that kept this shipment of 96% pure meth from being sold throughout our communities.”

Bess has previously pleaded guilty to the charge, admitting that on Sept. 1, 2019, he flew to Los Angeles from Florida and mailed a package to Charleston. The U.S. Postal Inspection Service intercepted the package Sept. 4, 2019, and after obtaining a search warrant, found approximately 18.25 pounds of meth inside, which was intended to be sold in the Charleston area. Officials removed all but 11.2 grams in order to conduct a controlled delivery.

Oh man do I love that show. Finally this week – speaking of America’s most penis-shaped state, Florida, we go to the town of Port Richie for this one, and if you have a rather easily identifiable tattoo, you might want to refrain from doing stupid things. I guess you could say this guy really is Florida Man because he has a Florida tattoo on his forehead! Now cue up “911 is a joke”!

Deputies have arrested a man with a tattoo of the State of Florida on his forehead after he was accused of misusing the 911 calling system.

According to an arrest report obtained by Fox 13, 22-year-old Matthew Leatham was arrested early Sunday morning by Pasco County deputies.

According to deputies, Leatham called 911 to ask for a ride home and cursed at the operator while on the phone. Investigators said the operator gave Leatham the non-emergency number.

A deputy also spoke to Leatham and said they offered to call a taxi, but Leatham said he didn’t have any money and instead started traveling on foot.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Road To The White House
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Welcome back to our coverage of the 2020 election to end all elections in… *cue reverb* THE ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE!!! Ooh that was some good reverb there! You know, Biden is making it harder to get material for these things and I guess that’s a good thing. We’ve only got two more of these and then we’re done but before that I want to show you what a real president does. Last week we talked about what a real president does, and it doesn’t involve golfing or rage tweeting while sitting on the toilet for two hours. It also doesn’t involve eating cheeseburgers in bed and throwing the wrappers on the floor while yelling at 8 different monitors broadcasting 10 different channels. But no, Biden does presidential things, like honoring Black History Month for instance, which this is what is happening right now!

President Joe Biden offered the following statement in reference to Black History Month:

This February, during Black History Month, I call on the American people to honor the history and achievements of black Americans and to reflect on the centuries of struggle that have brought us to this time of reckoning, redemption and hope.

We have never fully lived up to the founding principles of this nation that all people are created equal and have the right to be treated equally throughout their lives. We know that it is long past time to confront deep racial inequities and the systemic racism that continue to plague our nation.

A pandemic has further ripped a path of destruction through every community in America, but we see its acute devastation among black Americans who are dying, losing jobs, and closing businesses at disproportionate rates in the dual pandemic and economic crises.

We are also less than a month after the attack on the Capitol by a mob of insurrectionists and white supremacists that shows that we are very much in a battle for the soul of America.

Well interesting point Tracy, but we’ll save that for another topic! Anyway, unlike the last guy (who shall remain nameless), this administration does everything right and has been doing it so far! And the other nice thing about Biden is that unlike the last guy, he doesn’t need to make a huge spectacle in front of a million people with cameras and microphones to do it! What else does he do in this case?

President Joe Biden on Wednesday will make his first trip to the Pentagon since taking office and will speak to the significance of having the first African American in the nation's history serving as secretary of defense, according to the White House.

The trip comes as Biden forges ahead with his agenda while his predecessor former President Donald Trump faces an impeachment trial in the Senate.

Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris will meet with Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin and other senior military and civilian leadership during the visit. The President and vice president will then deliver remarks to Department of Defense personnel and tour the African Americans in Service Corridor, according to the White House.

Austin is the first Black secretary of defense, and Harris is the first Black vice president, as well as the first woman and first South Asian to hold the position.

Biden on Wednesday will "pay special tribute to the rich history of Black service members," White House press secretary Jen Psaki said, noting that the trip coincides with Black History Month.

Well what’s happening is more of that “radical left agenda” that the right wing media has been harping on about for decades. It will be nice to have compassion back in Washington and a return to a sense of normalcy now that we’re past that other guy. See this? This is what a president is supposed to do! While we’re on the subject of Black History Month it’s important to know that Biden will not be like the other guy, who only recognized it in tweet form. Biden is much more than that!

In recent years, Maryland native and abolitionist Harriet Tubman has been honored in many ways.

She was honored through the Harriet Tubman Underground Railroad Visitor Center, the movie 'Harriet' and most recently the University of Maryland changed the name of its department of women’s studies, to the Harriet Tubman Department of Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies.

“Another thing is, she has received full honor into the Military Intelligence Hall of Fame,” said Tubman’s great-great-great grandniece Ernestine “Tina” Martin Wyatt.

There is one honor that Wyatt is still hoping for in the near future.

While President Barack Obama was in office, efforts were underway to add Harriet Tubman to the $20 bill, but there has been little progress in recent years.

Oh just more of that “radical left agenda” again! Seriously do we need any more of this? I mean with the previous guy people were literally fighting each other in the streets. I don’t think you will have that with Biden in power! But unlike the last guy, Biden doesn’t just talk the talk. He is a guy who actually practices what he preaches! Oh the horror!

On the first Black History Month since the 2020 reckoning in response to racial injustice, a pandemic that has wreaked disproportionate havoc on communities of color, and new milestones in political representation, there are plenty of ways to honor and celebrate the historical contributions of Black Americans — while pushing for greater equity in the present and future.

The federally recognized celebration grew out of Negro History Week, an observance established in 1926 by author and historian Carter G. Woodson during the second week of February, which spans the birthdays of abolitionist leader Frederick Douglass and the 16th U.S. president Abraham Lincoln.

Demand grew in the 1960s for providing more education on African-American studies and extending the weeklong observance into a month, according to the Association for the Study of African American Life and History (ASALH), an organization founded by Woodson. The observance was expanded to encompass all of February in 1976, and that year, former President Gerald Ford issued a message to mark the monthlong celebration. Congress in 1986 designated February as National Black History Month.

This year’s theme, ASALH says, is “The Black Family: Representation, Identity, and Diversity.”

See you next week!


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