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Wed Jan 27, 2021, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #10-1: Lauren's Got A Gun Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #10-1: Lauren’s Got A Gun Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! How’s everybody doing? We’re of course still coming to you from this blank, blue void in the back room of a Burbank comedy club. Look at it, it’s so blue, how could you possibly miss it? But we made it everybody!!! Our long national nightmare is finally over! And you know what? People have been asking me what the end of the Trump era feels like, and I got to say it kind of feels like pulling off a scab. It feels very satisfying at first, but it opens up a festering wound that will take a long time to stop bleeding. Pleasant analogy, I know, but then again the last four years have been anything but pleasant. More on that later. Do we have time for the thing? Yes, we actually do have a thing! It feels good! No, not that kind of thing. But it’s really about our show. What are we going to do now that Trump is no longer in power? Well we’re going to continue on for the 10th and 11th seasons, and we’ve got plenty of exciting new content to debut for you including a feature that we’re debuting next week called “Parler Files” where we will dissect for you some of the ridiculously batshit crazy things being said on right wing social media. We might also work on that name. Plus all your favorite segments are coming back for more. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first one of my favorite podcasts is from Christopher Titus, and this week on the Armageddon Update, he very clearly spells out what went down at the Capitol Riot and defines the language for those who are too dumb to understand:

Well in the number one slot, we made it everybody! Taking the #1 slot this week is Senate Republicans (1) because the 2nd impeachment and actual trial of our 45th president is getting underway and they’re doing their best to sweep it under the rug! Taking the second slot this week is Tucker Carlson (2) and we ask the question – could his viewers be racist? The answer might surprise you! Taking the third slot this week is our now FORMER president Donald Trump (3) and this is where we send off the Trump administration by taking a look at some of my favorite things that he’s said and done, and I still can’t believe that a sitting president did these things and we survived as a country. Taking the 4th slot this week is Rudy Giuliani (4) and he’s basically admitted all but the fact that Trump was accepting bribes for presidential pardons, and there were a lot of them to dissect, Steve Bannon probably being the most egregious one. Taking the fifth slot this week is the return of our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week we’re taking a look at Bitcoin failures. Bitcoin has been surging but you got to remember your passwords, folks! In the number 6 slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in Holy Shit (6) and this week our resident pastor is going to take a look at predictions from right wing pastors about the forthcoming year 2021 and the Biden administration and well, they’re fucked up. Taking the #7 slot this week, we add Colorado’s Q Anon loving Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (7) to the ever-growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected! In the number 8 slot this week, we have a new edition of This Fucking Guy, and this week we’re profiling heavy metal guitarist and hardcore Trumpfile Jon Schhaffer (8), founder of the band Iced Earth! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we have our first People Are Dumb (9) of 2021 and we’re going to dedicate it to some of the ridiculously dumb people that participated in the Capitol riot and did it for the selfies! And finally this week is Road To The White House (10) and this week we’re going to talk about Joe Biden’s awe-inspiring inauguration and what to expect in his first 100 days! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Senate Republicans
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I know what you’re thinking – it’s a new year and we have a new president, right? Wrong! Yes, I know that Joe Biden has officially been inaugurated and he’s already been hard at work reversing most of Trump’s policies, right? Meet the new boss, same as the old boss! No!!! Thank god! We do not need a new boss that’s the same as the old boss. Because the old boss was literally the worst president we’ve ever had. And after going full Avengers Loki on us, he’s now awaiting his Asguard like fate like Loki did in Thor: The Dark World. But I wish he would meet that fate. I really want to see him dragged away in handcuffs for what he did at the Capitol. But that said, conservative republicans in the Senate are doing their best to imitate Leslie Nielsen in The Naked Gun.

Sometimes in Washington, the powers that be will embark on a little bit of political theater. You can always spot it, though, if you look closely enough at what's real and what's not.

In the last days of the presidency of Donald Trump, the Democrats and a handful of Never Trumpers banded together to insist he be impeached, again.

The first impeachment of Donald Trump in 2019 was a witch hunt filled with fabricated charges, unsupported evidence and partisan rancor disguised as legal concern.

I worked against this impeachment, but I will grant it one thing — while wrongheaded, the Democrats had every right to do it and at least pursued it as dictated and foreseen by the Constitution.

Fast-forward to January 2021. A national tragedy occurred when militants, agitators and zealots were convinced and allowed to believe that Jan. 6 could produce any result other than the certification of the electors of President Joe Biden.

Dude, seriously, you almost got killed in a riot incited by your previous president. Is that whole damn party under Stockholm Syndrome or what? They’ve been kidnapped by a dangerous cult and are refusing to do anything about it. But the whole reason for this exercise is to prevent a certfiably insane lunatic like Trump from ever holding office again. So why are they so resistant to the idea? Oh don’t worry, Josh Howley, we’re coming for you next. Look no further than Florida Man himself, Marco Rubio, to provide the lack of answers.

Senator Marco Rubio (R., Fla.) on Sunday called the effort to impeach former President Trump in order to bar him from running for office again “arrogant,” saying “voters get to decide” who is elected.

“I think that’s an arrogant statement for anyone to make,” Rubio responded when asked by host Chis Wallace on Fox News Sunday about whether Trump should be impeached to prevent a future campaign for office.

“Voters get to decide that. Who are we to tell voters who they can vote for in the future?” the Florida Republican asked.

The House is set to deliver the single article of impeachment against Trump on grounds of “incitement of insurrection” to the Senate on Monday, and Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D., N.Y.) has said that the impeachment trial will begin the week of February 8.


Yeah true! Well, someone must care enough to put Trump on trial, am I right? Before you go crazy on the Trump impeachment trial, let’s take a minute to assess that there are people on the right who are criminally insane. Don’t worry, we’ll get to Josh Howley in a bit. And they’re not alone, behind door #3 is House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Obviously). But let’s not overlook the fact that Trump deserves to be punished for the uprising. Oh wait I hear he likes that sort of thing. *shudder*

But since then, he has seemed to walk back his criticism.


In an interview airing Sunday on Gray Television’s “Full Court Press With Greta Van Susteren,” McCarthy insisted he wasn’t changing his tune.

“No, I have not changed in that,” he said.

He stood by his assertion that Trump does bear some responsibility for what happened. But, he added, so does every other person around the country.

“I also think everybody across this country has some responsibility,” he said.

McCarthy then started pointing to Democrats who opposed Trump, Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.), people who are rude on social media and law enforcement authorities who didn’t prepare for the attack as some of the people who were somehow responsible.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Everybody is responsible for what happened at the Capitol? Even me? I want nothing to do with these traitor scumbags. But I thought what happens at the capitol stays at the capitol, right? Oh wait, it’s a riot, it’s not Vegas. What happens there will definitely come back to haunt you for the rest of eternity and that’s not going to be pretty when it eventually catches up to you! But really, with friends like these, who needs enemies?

The Texas Republican senator John Cornyn warned on Saturday that Donald Trump’s second impeachment could lead to the prosecution of former Democratic presidents if Republicans retake Congress in two years’ time.Trump this month became the first US president to be impeached twice, after the Democratic-controlled House, with the support of 10 Republicans, voted to charge him with incitement of insurrection over the assault on the Capitol by his supporters on 6 January which left five people dead.

. . .

After a brief moment of bipartisan sentiment in which members from both parties condemned the unprecedented attack on Congress as it met to formalize Biden’s victory, a number of Senate Republicans are opposing Trump’s trial, which could lead to a vote blocking him from future office.

“If it is a good idea to impeach and try former presidents, what about former Democratic presidents when Republicans get the majority in 2022?” Cornyn, a 19-year veteran of the Senate who last year tried to distance himself from Trump when it seemed his seat was at risk, tweeted at majority leader Chuck Schumer.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jan/23/senate-republican-john-cornyn-impeachment-trump-past-democratic-presidents

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[font size="8"]Fox News
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Here’s the thing guys – if you have to ask if you’re racist, chances are probably good (I’d say 95% with a +-5% margin of error) that you most likely are a racist. Case in point: Last week, Tucker Carlson – a stupid person’s definition of a smart person – asked his viewers to define what a white supremacist really was. But before I get into that, I want to first examine Josh Howley and his criminally batshit crazy Op Ed that he wrote in the New York Post. Before you get mad at me for this, I want you to know that I am sharing this because this will illustrate the point that I’m trying to make in this entry. This is what your average white wing Fox News watching friend / neighbor / coworker is thinking right now.

Have you checked your social credit score lately? You might want to. Mine seems to have taken a nosedive this month. You might want to see how yours is doing.

Everyone knows what a credit score is. But social credit scores are new. They’re the latest corporate import from Communist China, where government and big business monitor every citizen’s social views and statements.

And they’re the latest form of cancel culture in this country, as corporate monopolies and the left team up to shut down speech they don’t like and force their political agenda on America. For those who still believe in free speech and the First Amendment, this is the time to take a stand.

Like the old-fashioned kind of credit score, your social credit requires a lot of maintenance. You’ll need to get good grades in school and stay out of trouble with the law. But that’s just the start — you have to earn your right to live in polite society these days. So if you want to get a good job, stay at hotels and be served at restaurants, you will need to do a few other things. You will need to voice the right opinions. You will need to endorse the right ideas. You will need to conform. That’s what the corporate chieftains tell us, anyway.

Yeah go cue up the world’s smallest violin. See, if you’re mad about being canceled without actually taking the time to examine *WHY* you were canceled, then guess what? You’re part of the problem and not the solution! Yeah thank you blank pre-recorded audience! But that illustrates the point I am making – this is what Trump fans are really thinking right now! Which leads me to Tucker Carlson. This is exactly the “I’m not racist, but…” argument.

Now that we're waging war on white supremacists, can somebody tell us in very clear language what a white supremacist is?

That's not some picayune semantic question -- Joe Biden isn't a high school debate coach. Joe Biden is the new president of the United States. Joe Biden controls the largest military and largest law enforcement agencies in the world. He has now declared war. So we should know specifically and precisely who exactly he has declared war on. We have a right to know that.

Innocent people could be hurt in this war, they usually are. There could be collateral damage in this war. And the casualties will be Americans.

So again, what is a white supremacist? You might be surprised to learn just how broad the definition for that has become.

Bloomberg News has described a wall along our southern border as “a monument to white supremacy." So be certain not to support that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! You can’t just expect to walk back the wall! I mean come on, there’s been rumors that one of your fellow employees, Sean Hannity, had a direct line to Trump every night and was more influential on Trump’s policy than the Joint Chiefs were! Oh and Tucker Carlson isn’t the only one in the GOP questioning the party’s ties to white male racists. I give you Rand Paul, who said that he thinks Biden is calling them racist. Well guess what guys? You kind of sort of are!

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul quickly criticized President Joe Biden’s inauguration speech on Wednesday, saying Biden was calling Republicans racist.

“If you read his speech and listen to it carefully, much of it is thinly-veiled innuendo calling us white supremacists, calling us racists, calling us every name in the book, calling us people who don’t tell the truth,” Paul said on Fox News Primetime.

Paul said he also thought Biden was calling his political opponents liars.

Paul’s assessment was a sharp contrast to the widespread accolades for Biden’s remarks that predominantly emphasized unity following Trump supporters’ Capitol riot that was set off in part by Trump’s election fraud lies and misinformation. Some Republicans, including Kentucky’s other senator, have called Trump and his acolytes’ comments lies.

Twitter users criticized Paul’s comments, saying that it’s not Biden’s fault if Paul was offended when Biden condemned racism. Some also pointed out Paul’s opposition to an anti-lynching bill last year. Paul said at the time he was worried the bill would “conflate lesser crimes with lynching,” according to Politico.

Really guys! Did you ever stop to think for a minute that it might not be them, it’s you? Because while you’re wondering whether or not you’re a racist, Biden is actively looking into threats from domestic terrorists! So keep asking that question, Tucker, because the next white supremacist you find might actually be the one you see in the mirror. Yes, Boogaloo Bois and Proud Boys, we’re coming for you, and you might want to get used to seeing another color – orange.

The Biden administration is “committed to developing policies and strategies” based on that analysis, bearing in mind “our respect for constitutionally respected free speech and political activities,” she said.

“This is the first step in the process,” she noted.

The administration is also working to boost the National Security Council’s ability to counter domestic extremism, Psaki said, adding that other parts of the government will coordinate to “enhance and accelerate” efforts to address those threats.

The White House did not immediately respond to CNBC’s request for additional information.

The Jan. 6 break-in at the Capitol left five dead, including a U.S. Capitol Police officer, and forced a joint session of Congress to evacuate, halting the confirmation of Biden’s Electoral College victory over Trump.

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[font size="8"]The Capitol Riot: The Suspects
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The Capitol Riot is still huge news and why not? The last time someone tried something that batshit insane was 150 years ago! And due to the sheer amount of people who were at this thing, not only is it going to provide good fodder for us for the next two years, but we may never know the real extent of everything that happened there. But one thing is for certain – the people who infiltrated the Capitol Building are some of the dumbest motherfuckers alive! So much that we’re dedicating this week’s People Are Dumb to just that! But one thing is for certain is that these are some of the stupidest criminals alive. You don’t break into a government building and take a selfie to upload to Instagram! I mean they have things like location and IP trackers. So if you do this, that will make it that much easier for the Feds to find you. Like this for instance!

Texas resident Garret Miller, who posted a picture of himself participating in the January riot at the U.S. Capitol on social media, was arrested by authorities on Friday.

Lawmakers were forced to shelter in place during the riot which interrupted the Congressional confirmation of President Joe Biden's victory in the Electoral College. Five individuals died in connection with the riot which was carried out by supporters of then-President Donald Trump. Many members of the mob broadcast their activities on social media, including Miller.

According to an affidavit from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Miller posted a 14-second-long video taken inside the Capitol Rotunda that showed rioters waving flags. Miller captioned the video, "From inside congress."

Miller also posted a selfie of himself inside the Rotunda to his Facebook page.
"After MILLER posted the selfie above showing him inside the U.S. Capitol building, an individual on Facebook commented, 'bro you got in?! Nice!,' to which MILLER replied, 'just wanted to incriminate myself a little lol,'" the affidavit read.

Here’s the thing guys – not only are you making the Feds’ job that much easier, you’re also making my job that much easier! Hell I am writing this entry in 10 freaking minutes! The more we find out about what went on during the January 6th riot, the more we find out how fucking stupid and crazy the Trump fans really are. Really – if you play stupid games, you’re going to win stupid prizes. Like a trip to jail or COVID-19. Yeah there’s still that happening too!

The Texas-based real estate agent who traveled to the January 6 Capitol riots in a private plane was kicked off PayPal Thursday evening after attempting to solicit donations for business losses.

Jenna Ryan, who was arrested last week, asked her Twitter followers for help Thursday afternoon, sharing a link to a PayPal account where supporters could offer a donation. In a tweet, Ryan said, "I am accepting donations to pay legal fees and losses due to my arrest and charges by the FBI" and later claimed she had raised $1,000.

By Thursday evening, PayPal had closed the account, according to Kim Eichorn, a PayPal spokesperson.

"PayPal has a policy to allow fundraising for legal defense purposes," Eichorn said in an email to CBS News. "PayPal thoroughly reviews accounts, and if we learn that funds are used for anything other than legal defense, the account will be subject to immediate closure. We can confirm that the account in question has been closed."

Ryan acknowledged that her account was closed Thursday evening in a now-deleted tweet: "Shucky darn I can't do business with PayPal anymore. What am I gonna do with myself? I think I will survive. Seems like some people want to cancel me because I'm trying to get donations from PayPal. Big Woop."

Aw… shucky darn, you’re going to go to jail! Hope you like prison food! I mean really, who the fuck talks like that? Let alone someone who has access to private jets? But you might be thinking “Gee, there’s got to be an explanation for such stupidity! Well guess what? I got news for you: there isn’t. You know how we’re always asking for “pics or it didn’t happen?”. Yeah the same applies here. But when you post selfies with location and IP tracking, you’re gonna get caught.

As she approached the U.S. Capitol doors, Jenna Ryan lined up her face in the frame of a Facebook Live video. “Y’all know who to hire for your Realtor. Jenna Ryan for your Realtor,” she said to the camera.

University of Kentucky student Gracyn Courtright posted a photo of herself on Instagram from outside the Capitol doors, arms lifted in celebration. “Can’t wait to tell my grandkids I was here!” the caption read.

In posts on Instagram and Facebook, Edward “Jake” Lang shared his confrontation with police officers at the Capitol. Using a finger-pointing emoji toward the front of the crowd, Lang wrote, “This is me.”

All three publicly documented their roles in the mob attack Jan. 6 on the U.S. Capitol that left five dead and sent lawmakers fleeing for safety, and all three saw that documentation used against them in charges filed by the Department of Justice.

They are hardly anomalies. Of the 119 people facing federal charges in connection to the riot as of Thursday afternoon, at least 71 cases involve photos, posts or footage from social media. At least 47 people saw screenshots of their own selfies, livestreams, videos or posts in their charges, according to a USA TODAY analysis of the federal charging documents.

Yeah really! There aren’t enough facepalms for this. But again we say – play stupid games and win stupid prizes! Before you think about uploading that selfie of you posing in front of Nancy Pelosi’s office, you might want to think about the consequences of your actions. I mean come on, it got the alt right personality known as Baked Alaska caught. And really who names themselves after a desert from the 1950s? These idiots.

Far-right media personality Tim Gionet, who calls himself “Baked Alaska,” has been arrested by the FBI for his involvement in the riot at the U.S. Capitol, a law enforcement official told The Associated Press.

Gionet was arrested by federal agents in Houston on Saturday, according to the official, who was not authorized to discuss the matter before the public release of a criminal complaint and spoke on condition of anonymity.

Thousands of supporters of President Donald Trump stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6 as Congress was meeting to vote to affirm President-elect Joe Biden’s electoral win. Five people died in the mayhem.

Gionet faces charges of violent and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds and knowingly entering a restricted building without law

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[font size="8"]Rudy Giuliani
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Speaking of playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes, in this corner we have our next contender… *drum roll* Rudy Giuliani!!! Come on down, what do you win? Well, Mr. New York’s Mayor, you win a prison sentence! And so does everyone in the administration! You get a prison sentence and you get a prison sentence! And you get one! And you get one! Everybody gets a prison sentence! So what did Giuliani do that was so egregious you might ask? Well for one thing in Trump’s final hours – his lawyer Giuliani revealed the true cost of a presidential pardon. It turns out that freedom really isn’t free and in fact it has a price. Well, it has a price tag, anyways! See what I did there?

An associate of Rudy Giuliani told a former CIA officer a presidential pardon was “going to cost $2m”, the New York Times reported on Sunday in the latest bombshell to break across the last, chaotic days of Donald Trump’s presidency.

The report detailed widespread and in some cases lucrative lobbying involving people seeking a pardon as Trump’s time in office winds down. The 45th president, impeached twice, will leave power on Wednesday with the inauguration of Joe Biden.

The former CIA officer John Kiriakou, who was jailed in 2012 for leaking the identity of an operative involved in torture, told the Times he laughed at the remark from the associate of Giuliani, the former New York mayor who as Trump’s personal attorney is reportedly a possible pardon recipient himself.

“Two million bucks – are you out of your mind?” Kiriakou reportedly said. “Even if I had two million bucks, I wouldn’t spend it to recover a $700,000 pension.”

But that said, would you really trust Giuliani for your attorney? Hell I wouldn’t trust him as my attorney in a mock trial. Seriously, I wouldn’t trust him as my attorney on an episode of Mock Trial With J. Reinhold! Just Google that reference. With Trump’s trial going to the Senate, well, we can expect that Giuliani will not be a part of this mess. And don’t worry – we will get to that in a minute. Do you really want a guy this unstable on your side? Well, look at who his boss is!

President Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudolph W. Giuliani, will not be taking part in the president’s defense in the Senate trial for his second impeachment, a person close to Mr. Trump said on Monday.

Mr. Trump met with Mr. Giuliani on Saturday night at the White House, and the next day the president began telling people that Mr. Giuliani was not going to be part of the team. It is unclear who will be the defense lawyer for Mr. Trump, given that many attorneys have privately said they won’t represent him.

Mr. Giuliani himself at first said he was taking part in the trial and then a day later said he had no involvement.

He told ABC News on Sunday that he would not be part of the defense, noting that he is a potential witness since he gave a speech at the rally on Jan. 6 of Trump supporters who went on to storm the Capitol complex, overtaking it for hours.

Yeah that’s because Giuliani might have a huge legal mess on his own. You know those pesky Slapp suits? Well this is one that could work to our advantage because you know conservative conspiracy theorists have been floating bullshit conspiracies about Dominion Voting Systems? Well Giuliani was named in a lawsuit this morning and it’s going to get really ugly really quickly!

Dominion Voting Systems filed a lawsuit against Rudy Giuliani on Monday, accusing the lawyer of defamation after he promoted the baseless conspiracy theories that Dominion was responsible for election fraud.

The election-technology company is seeking more than $1.3 billion in damages.

In the lawsuit, Dominion accused Giuliani, former President Donald Trump's personal lawyer, of creating "a viral disinformation campaign about Dominion," referring to more than 50 of his statements.

"Rudy Giuliani actively propagated disinformation to purposefully mislead voters," Dominion CEO John Poulos said in a statement. "Because Giuliani and others incessantly repeated the false claims about my company on a range of media platforms, some of our own family and friends are among the Americans who were duped."

You know here’s the thing guys, and allow me to play life coach here for a minute. Maybe, I don’t know, don’t live your life in such a way that you get sued by a voting machine company for a fucking BILLION DOLLARS because you peddled lies and baseless bullshit conspiracy theories against them! That’s some sound advice there! And if you think this is going to go away overnight, Dominion actually makes a really solid case.

Dominion Voting Systems filed another defamation lawsuit, this time against Rudy Giuliani, accusing him of spreading lies to “purposefully mislead voters” and causing “irreparable harm” to the company. It didn’t rule out suing former President Donald Trump.

“While pushing the disinformation campaign that incited death threats and violence and caused hundreds of millions of dollars in damage, Giuliani cashed in by hawking gold coins, supplements, cigars, and protection from ‘cyberthieves,’” Dominion legal counsel Thomas Clare said in a statement Monday.

Giuliani was deeply involved in Trump’s efforts to overturn his loss to President Joe Biden in the 2020 election. The former New York City mayor argued repeatedly in public that Trump’s win had been stolen by widespread electoral fraud.

Dominion accuses Giuliani of promulgating the “Big Lie” that Dominion had tampered with votes to fix the election for Biden, in order to “financially enrich himself, to maintain and enhance his public profile, and to ingratiate himself to Donald Trump for money and benefits he expected to receive as a result of that association.”

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Invesitgates: Bitcoin Password Fails
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

Remember to write down your password. That’s the moral of the story here. because you never know when you might need it, or that hundreds of millions are at stake. The reason why this is brought up is because Bitcoins are back in the news, and people are getting richer than they’ve ever been. But they also can’t figure out how to access their money. But when you can’t access a fortune because you forgot your password, it can come back to haunt you. And if that happens then you can be in seriously deep trouble, both with the Feds and with your actual bank. These entrepreneurs are learning it the really hard way. And in most cases the word “password” isn’t going to work as your password.

With Bitcoin prices increasing by over 50% since it reached its all-time high of $20,000 last month, those locked out of their cryptocurrency wallets are becoming desperate as they calculate how much wealth they would gain if only they remembered their passwords.

Around 20% of the existing 18.5 million Bitcoin — worth a total of $140 billion – are in stranded wallets, according to the cryptocurrency data firm Chainalysis, The New York Times reported on Tuesday.

Wallet Recovery Services, a firm that helps recover lost digital keys, told the Times that it received 70 requests a day from users who are trying to access their digital wallets — a number that is three times higher than it was a month ago.

In an interview with the Times, Stefan Thomas, a programmer living in San Francisco, said that his strategies to remember his password continue to fail, leaving him with only two guesses to figure out his password before being permanently locked out. His 7,002 Bitcoin is worth around $220 million as of this week.

The password should allow him to unlock an IronKey, a small hard drive containing the private keys to a digital wallet that holds his Bitcoin.

Yes, if you’re worth a hundred million dollars, you might want to realize that we could let you get away with having your password as 12345. But this isn’t the only self-made millionaire in the world of electronic currency that’s having a hard time accessing his fortune. Look at this man in Belfast who is offering a staggering amount of money for someone to find his lost hard drive. You know if you had that much money in a hard drive, you might want to, maybe hold onto that device? We’re just saying.

The Missing Bitcoin Millions

James Howells is searching for buried treasure, bitcoin style. The Welshman is negotiating with his local council in an attempt to recover an old hard drive that was disposed of in 2013.

Howell had previously approached the local authorities to help him dig up the lost hard drive, said to contain around 7,500 bitcoin. Howell accidentally threw out the hard drive during a spring clean and only realized his error some months later.

The hard drive is reportedly located somewhere at the city’s landfill site. The elusive hardware currently holds approximately $280 million worth of bitcoin.

The 35-year-old IT engineer is relentlessly pushing to have the hard drive found. And has even received backing from a hedge fund that is willing to fund the operation.
Council Hesitations

While the undertaking might seem like a no-brainer to most, the Newport council believes that the operation could do more harm than good.

That is pretty much what it is like if you don’t find your Bitcoin password. Even more mind blowing is that these guys’ fortune is increasing while they are forgetting their password. So is it intentional or is it just plain stupid? Well it’s a combination of the two. And the guy in Ireland can’t be any worse than this man in the US who is literally just two password guesses from losing his entire fortune. Yeah just think about that for a minute.

Stefan Thomas is a bitcoin millionaire. Or, he would be if only he could remember his password.

The San Francisco software developer and CEO was an early adopter of bitcoin. Back in 2011, he produced an animated video explaining how the digital currency works. For his efforts, a bitcoin enthusiast awarded him 7,002 bitcoins.

Later that year, he lost the password to his IronKey, the USB hard drive that contains the digital wallet that holds his bitcoins. Since then, the currency's value has skyrocketed, and Thomas' holdings are worth $220 million US ($321 million Cdn.)

The IronKey gives users 10 password guesses before it encrypts its contents permanently, and Thomas' bitcoin is lost forever. He has two guesses left.

So how do you fix this? Do you implement harsher or easier for cyber security? That is a question being asked all over the country, especially in light of the recent Solar Winds attack. But here is a possible encryption solution coming from the places that the right likes to refer to as “big tech”. Yes, they created both the problem and what looks like the solution in this case!

Right on the mid-week schedule, Microsoft has released a new Edge Dev build. This week’s build is quite small in scope, but it does bring some well-deserved tweaks and bug fixes. Here’s a look at everything you need to know about Microsoft Edge Dev version 89.0.760.0.

We’ll start first with new features. Microsoft has added Password Monitor support on Mac, and also added Edge Update policies to edge://policy. In addition, also new is support for the Browing Data Lifetime management policy from Chromium. Finally, they also added a management policy to Define Preferred Languages.

Now, for the reliability and changed behaviors. Note that there’s only a few this week. These include a fix for crash on launch, a fix for an issue on Mac where going to check Edge’s version might cause a crash, and a hang issue when using Edge in a virtual desktop. See below for the other changes.

Note that the known issues still haven’t changed from the past releases. The issues are all still the same. As a reminder, some of the known issues include ad-blocking extensions not working on Linux, playback errors on YouTube, issues with Kaspersky Internet Suite, and more. Microsoft did fix the issue from last week where tab drag and drop was broken for vertical tabs.

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the virtual pew and pass the VENMO collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair virtual congregation! I have returned from my sabbatical refreshed and ready to take on a new year which I hope will much better than the last year. And things are already better? You know how I know? I can start referring to the President as a real human being again, and we can freely say his name in my church! Unlike the last guy, who was the most unholy, ungodly excuse for a human being and we dare not say his name in church, even if it is virtual for the time being! But that said, there are those on the right, who cannot help themselves but make some stunningly horrible observations about how the new year and new president will pan out. Let’s start with our good friend Sean Feucht, who I previously profiled in Idiots #9-17, what has he been up to lately? Well this!

Sean Feucht, a religious-right musician and missionary who ran unsuccessfully for Congress last year as a pro-Trump culture warrior in Northern California, gave followers suggestions this week on how “believers” should “respond to a Biden presidency.” In an email, blog post, and related Facebook video he posted on Inauguration Day, Feucht encouraged people to turn off the news and turn on worship music, and to pray for President Joe Biden and other political leaders as the Bible instructs. But Feucht also made it clear that he believes Biden is advancing a satanic agenda. His email to supporters said, “The enemy is launching an all out attack on truth, attacking the Bible, and God’s sacred design for the family, sexuality and gender.”

He reiterated that point in the Facebook video, in which he said, “This administration, I believe, is carrying some of the most anti-Christ agenda and philosophy that maybe we have seen in the history of America.” He warned, “There is a mob spirit that wants us to bow down to the gods of secular liberalism … and if we don’t bow, we’re gonna be bullied, harassed, and threatened. We’re going to be censored. We’re going to banished from speaking in the public square.”

Feucht said it breaks his heart to see Christians celebrating the historic swearing-in of Vice President Kamala Harris, saying, “you’re placing race, you’re placing gender above the values and the biblical and theological foundation that we believe in.”

Gee, I am not shocked at all that someone who sells Christian rock music is trying to tell people to turn off reality. And what is their obsession with “the public square”? Hey guys we’re in a raging pandemic right now, there is no public square! And there’s no one stopping you from saying this crap, just good luck getting anyone to listen. It’s hard, I know! But I do love it when the prophecies fail, as is demonstrated by this next piece!

Right-wing pastor and self-proclaimed “prophet” Hank Kunneman used his sermon Sunday to lash out at those who have dared to call him a false prophet for repeatedly proclaiming that Donald Trump would win the 2020 election and serve a second term in office.

Citing a passage from Proverbs 6 that claims that God hates, among other things, those who sow discord, Kunneman told his critics that God “hates you” as he continued to insist that Trump won the election and will serve a second term.

“God hates six things,” Kunneman said. “Number one: a proud look. Number two: a lying tongue. Number three: abortion, or hands that shed innocent blood. Yeah, you thought it was OK to vote for [Joe Biden]? [Number four:] a heart that devises wicked imaginations, and yet you voted for them. It’s obvious, their wicked imaginations on how they want to destroy this country. [Number five:] feet that are swift in running to mischief. It’s amazing how quickly they signed their executive orders; that’s called feet that run quickly to mischief.”

“But notice something,” he continued. “God hates what? He didn’t say he hates discord. He hates you that are being a troll. He hates you that are attacking your Christian brothers and sisters. ‘Yeah, but they’re false. They’re wrong.’ Excuse me. How do you know? ‘Because it hasn’t come to pass.’ How do you know that it hasn’t come to pass? First of all, the president was reelected. Let’s get that clear. Second of all, he was given a second term based on reelection. ‘Well, he’s not serving it now?’ Because it was stolen by thieve

Yes, Hank. You know what God also doesn’t love? He doesn’t love people who attempt to murder those who they don’t agree with. As is the case here with the unholy, ungodly Dark One, and even though he is no longer in power, we must never speak his name in my church, must less I cast thee out! Because the good LAWRD JAYSUS knows this! But is this really comparable to the 1930s? Only when a bunch of right wingers knowingly get their asses handed to them!

Eric Metaxas, a right-wing author who has tumbled ever-deeper into Trumpism and stolen election conspiracy theories, complained on his radio show Tuesday that he and his sponsor, MyPillow guy Mike Lindell, are the victims of a “wicked” cancel culture that Metaxas claimed “really is like what happened in Germany in the ‘30s.”

Lindell became a major funder of right-wing media during the Trump administration and has heavily promoted conspiracy theories about Donald Trump’s loss to Joe Biden in the 2020 presidential election. He sponsors “The Eric Metaxas Radio Show” as well as the Right Side Broadcasting Network, which livestreamed Trump rallies and so-called Stop the Steal events. On a show posted Monday, Metaxas called Lindell “an American hero.”

Metaxas griped that he is losing sponsors and that YouTube took down a video of the Monday show on which the two of them talked about widely debunked conspiracy theories that the election had been stolen from Donald Trump. On that video, Lindell claimed that Trump won by millions of votes and that “China and other countries chose our president and many down-ticket people, too, including the two runoff Senate races in Georgia.”

Metaxas also noted that two large retail outlets, Kohl’s and Bed, Bath and Beyond, recently announced they would no longer carry Lindell’s products, a development that Metaxas called “despicable” and “absolutely chilling.” He urged his listeners never to shop at those stores again.

Nah, it’s only a douchebag getting treated like the douchebag that he is. Because even in the new year we must make sure that they are getting what is coming to them. That’s a passage in the Good Book, which you can still buy! But really you’re defending a pillow salesman? A guy who hawks cheaply made garbage at that? Fine if that is the hill that you shall layeth on. And by the way if you want to know where the new year is headed, just consult your local Alt Right!

With Joe Biden inaugurated as the 46th president of the United States on the same steps that right-wing extremists had charged up to storm the U.S. Capitol less than two weeks ago, reality hit some right-wing activists and extremists: Trump was out of office, and their campaign to keep him there was fruitless. But while some recognized defeat, others were keen to press new conspiracy theories, cling to old ones, and double down on their attacks.

Far-right activist Jack Posobiec was not feeling Biden’s message of unity. Posobiec continued pushing the conspiracy theory that conservatives were being hunted and that Biden would impose martial law. In numerous tweets, he compared Biden to President Snow, the despotic character in “The Hunger Games” book and movie series. “I can’t wait for the Unity Trials to start!” he tweeted. In another, he wrote, “Mao promoted unity too.”

Posobiec wasn’t the only one attacking calls for unity. The right-wing Catholic Vote sent out a message shortly after Biden’s inaugural address: “In his inaugural address, President Biden spoke of the need for unity. He’s right, America is divided like never before. The cheap excuse offered by the media and the Left is to blame President Trump and his supporters. Yet anyone paying attention knows Joe Biden and the progressive Left have divided America based on race, gender, income, religion, and more for decades.”

Others directed their anger at their former hero. In response to a question about whether Trump unsealed any indictments, issued last minute pardons, or declassified anything Wednesday morning, Cassandra Fairbanks, a far-right activist who has defended white supremacists and made racist comments, replied, “Let me answer all of that for you in trumps favorite medium,” and tweeted a video featuring the lyrics, “He went out like a bitch!” Banks, who has deep ties to Wikileaks and its founder Julian Assange, was infuriated Trump chose not to pardon Assange.

Now that is where the right wants to take us in 2021! Yes, things are going to get interesting and possibly ugly, and we will keep you up on the latest developments! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]People Who Somehow Got Elected: Lauren Boebert
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Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:

This week: Colorado’s Lauren Boebert. Rep Boebert is a representative of Colorado’s 3rd district which includes the city of Pueblo. Pueblo is a town that is known for it’s ski resorts in the winter. It’s also now known for electing criminally batshit crazy representatives such as Lauren Boebert, who represents a Q Anon Congressional installation as well as the 3rd district of Colorado. Boebert is a freshmen representative for 2021, but has come under fire for her involvement in the January 6th insurrection against the United States Capitol, for which she almost got herself killed along with just about everyone in Congress. So why is Rep Boebert under so much scrutiny right now? Well first let’s give you a bit of background:

Born December 15, 1986, Lauren Boebert is an American politician and gun rights activist serving as the US Representative for Colorado's 3rd congressional district.

Boebert defeated incumbent congressman Scott Tipton in the 2020 primary election, becoming the first woman to represent Colorado's 3rd Congressional district in Congress.

The gun activist owns Shooters Grill, a restaurant in Rifle, Colorado, where staffers are encouraged to openly carry firearms.

During Beto O'Rourke's 2020 presidential campaign at Aurora, Colorado, Boebert challenged the presidential hopeful over his proposal for a gun buyback program, saying, "Hell, no, you won't take our guns."

In November 2020, Boebert said she planned to carry a gun while working as a congresswoman on Capitol Hill in Washington DC.

Yes, Boebert is a gun enthusiast who was the previous owner of a gun-themed bar called Shooters, and yes this is a real thing that exists. Then January 6th happened when a group of armed insurrectionists stormed the Capitol Building in Washington, DC. How did Rep Boebert respond? By bringing a gun to the Capitol and setting off the metal detectors, prompting a $5,000 fine and some much needed explanation.

Dozens of officials in Colorado's 3rd Congressional District have signed a letter requesting U.S. House officers launch an investigation into the conduct of Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert.

Boebert, a freshman legislator, has turned heads for her pro-gun rhetoric, including a video and several statements that claim she will carry a handgun with her throughout the Capitol complex, as well as her dogged support of the Make America Great Again movement and President Donald Trump's political stances.

On Jan. 9, Pueblo residents held a rally asking Boebert to listen to her constituents and tone down divisive statements, as well as requesting that House officials either not allow her to take her seat or not give her any committee assignments. Many individuals and groups have questioned Boebert's social media conduct, especially on Jan. 6. They have discussed ways to recall her from office.

Critics pointed to Tweets from Boebert on Jan. 6 regarding House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's whereabouts during the Capitol attack as evidence she was working with members of the attack. Five individuals died as a result of the events of Jan. 6, and many were injured.

Read more: https://www.chieftain.com/story/news/2021/01/15/rep-lauren-boebert-should-investigated-colorado-officials-say/4175409001/

Indeed! What makes this even more troubling is that Rep. Boebert has been known to hang out with paramilitary white supremacists, including the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers, of which she recently accepted a personalized firearm from, prompting ethics complaints. Yes, Lauren’s Got A Gun all right, but here’s hoping the Q Anon gun nuts don’t fire when ready!

Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) found herself in an ethics flap on Monday as controversy continues to dominate her first month in office.

The progressive political action committee Rural Colorado United posted video of Boebert being gifted a gun.

"Lauren Boebert breaks state and federal laws accepting gifted gun from white supremacist Stephen Moore on video. Illegal to accept gifts over $50 and illegal to gift guns in CO," Rural Colorado United posted to Twitter.

Less than two hours later, Boebert addressed the matter on Twitter, saying she planned to purchase the .40 S&W Glock from Colorado Boots on the Ground Bikers for Trump. She did not address the allegations of white supremacy, but praised the militia group as "patriots."

Kyle Clark of 9 News Denver was shocked about her "lack of awareness" and noticed what appears to be a "Three Percenters" militia patch:

That’s probably how you order a drink at Shooters! But all of that said, in case you wonder how it started and how’s it going, per the favorite Twitter meme, well, it’s going about as well as you would expect, and don’t expect her to provide any meaningful legislation. Instead all Boebert is doing there is to serve as an FU to the people who go against the Trump cult.

Republican Representative Lauren Boebert has introduced her first three bills in Congress. All three take aim at President Biden's recent executive orders.

The first bill would prevent the U.S. from spending any money to rejoin the Paris Climate agreement unless the Senate ratifies the agreement.

“Responsible energy production supports more than 230,000 Colorado jobs,” she said in a statement. “The Paris Agreement puts these jobs at risk and will increase energy costs.”

The second bill would prevent funds going to the World Health Organization until America holds the international health organization and China “accountable for their role in the global pandemic.”

This was a constant refrain from former President Donald Trump, who downplayed the pandemic in its early days and whose administration was criticized for its response to the coronavirus and attempted to pull out from the WHO.

Boebert’s third bill would overturn Biden’s mask mandate on federal lands and interstate travel on planes, trains or buses. She called it “continued federal overreach.” Boebert defied public health orders by keeping her restaurant open during the early days of the pandemic.


So skirting around metal detector laws, hanging out with white supremacists, and saying “fuck you” to Biden’s agenda. That’s Colorado District 3 representative Lauren Boebert, yet another inexplicable addition to the ever-growing list of:

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Jon Schaffer
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We’re delving into the world of heavy metal this week for This Fucking Guy. I am sure a lot of you know that I am a metal head. I fucking love the metal genre. But that said, every genre has their fair share of douchebags. Now this is a band that I used to *LOVE* back in the day when I first started getting into the metal genre, but had no idea about this guy’s personal life. That guy is Iced Earth guitarist Jon Schaffer. You probably heard this guy’s name pop up because he was one of the people involved in storming the Capitol and the Capitol riot. And he’s probably the most famous person there who’s not an elected official.

A heavy metal guitarist from Indiana who was photographed inside the U.S. Capitol during the Jan. 6 insurrection turned himself in to the FBI Sunday afternoon, according to Indianapolis FBI spokeswoman Chris Bavender.

Jon Ryan Schaffer, a native of Central Indiana and founder of the band Iced Earth, is accused of using "bear spray," a pepper-based irritant sold by many outdoor retailers, on police officers as rioters forced their way into the Capitol building. A federal statement of facts in his case says Schaffer was seen in photographs and video "engaging in verbal altercations with Capitol Police insider the Capitol building" and holding a container of bear spray.

He had been featured on an FBI poster seeking the public's help in identifying protesters. Multiple people contacted by IndyStar identified Schaffer as the man seen in a photograph at the Capitol.

Bavender said Schaffer faces six charges, including engaging in an act of physical violence in a Capitol building, Bavender told IndyStar. He also faces charges of knowingly entering or remaining in any restricted building or grounds without lawful authority, disrupting the orderly conduct of government business, violent entry and disorderly conduct in a Capitol building, engaging in an act of physical violence in a Capitol building, and demonstrating or picketing in a Capitol building.

And by the way in case you’re wondering where the rest of Iced Earth stands on the political spectrum, well, they’re pretty much the opposite of Schaffer. In fact so much that they actually issued a statement saying that they condemned the fact that he was at the capitol. So this will be quite the interesting circular firing squad for when / if he’s ever released from prison. Which will probably not be very likely given what’s transpired.

The bandmates of Iced Earth guitarist Jon Schaffer have released a statement following the news the musician is wanted by US authorities for his involvement at the Capitol riots on January 6.

Schaffer is wanted by Metropolitan Police in D.C. after he was pictured among the crowd of Trump supporters who breached the central US government building on January 6, while Congress were in the process of certifying Joe Biden’s election victory.

Releasing a statement via bassist Luke Appleton’s Instagram page today (January 10), the other members of the Florida heavy metal outfit – Appleton, Stu Block, Jake Dreyer and Brent Smedley – began by saying they understood the concerns their silence had caused some people, explaining they needed time to properly process events before making a statement.

“We absolutely DO NOT condone nor do we support riots,” the band said, “or the acts of violence that the rioters were involved in on January 6th at the US Capitol building.

“We hope that all those involved that day are brought to justice to be investigated and answer for their actions.”

By the way in case you’re wondering if actions have consequences, let’s take a look at what happened when Schaffer entered the Capitol. Well their record label, Century Media, which is the host to just about every amazing metal band you can think of, gave him the heave ho that he so properly deserved for that little stunt! Yup, actions have consequences all right!

It looks like Iced Earth‘s record label Century Media may be taking action following Jon Schaffer‘s arrest for his involvement in the U.S. Capitol riots.

This week, onlookers noticed that both Iced Earth and Demons & Wizards are now missing from Century Media’s website roster. This has led to speculation that both of Schaffer’s projects have potentially been dropped by the label.
Read more: Fall Out Boy’s first reported Funko Pop! figures just surfaced—look

On Jan. 6, Pro-Trump supporters breached the U.S. Capitol building in efforts to stop the confirmation of Electoral College votes. The riots caused a great amount of destruction and led to five deaths. Shortly following the events that transpired, metal fans quickly identified Jon Schaffer in the mob of Trump supporters.

Then, last week, Schaffer’s Iced Earth bandmates spoke out on the situation. They released a joint statement denouncing the riots. However, they failed to address Schaffer’s involvement in the insurrection. As well, singer Stu Block attempted to clarify his stance on the riots after a now-deleted post seemingly showed he was in support of the U.S. Capitol breach.

Warm up act abuse! And at the rate things are going, Iced Earth will probably be downgraded to warm up acts at some point, when concerts will ever resume. But speaking of that if you want one of those how it started / how’s it going memes, this would be a perfect example of what not to do. Because John Schaffer isn’t exactly having what one would call a “stellar year” so far since his one and only tour appearance in Washington DC. We’ll keep an update on this story as it develops.
Iced Earth guitarist Jon Schaffer is reportedly set to be extradited to Washington D.C. after his alleged participation in the US Capitol riots earlier this month.

Schaffer will be extradited to the capital from Edinburgh, Indiana, where he is currently being held in Marion County Jail.

He faces a series of charges in connection with the incident and must prove to a federal magistrate that he is not a threat to himself or the public before being released on bail.

Other rioters who face similar charges have been already granted bail, but ordered to surrender their firearms, avoid contact with other alleged rioters and stay away from all state capitol buildings.

In images captured during the January 6 riot, Schaffer was seen wearing a baseball cap with the slogan ‘Oath Keepers Lifetime Member’.

That’s Iced Earth guitarist John Schaffer. This week’s:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. And we haven’t done this segment in a while, so of course there’s going to be some ridiculously stupid people floating about out there. I want to start with this story out of Maine, where a guy with a chainsaw channeled his inner Freddie Kruger. Yeah that’s someone who you do not want to imitate in public. Nor any horror movie serial killer with a chainsaw. Look, I love Evil Dead as much as the next horror fan, but this is a whole new level of stupid and dangerous. Let the professionals like Bruce Campbell handle the chainsaw wielding fun!

A man wielding a chain saw was arrested Tuesday afternoon after chasing people at the McDonald’s restaurant in Westbrook, damaging two vehicles and stealing a drink and some food, police said.

Alice Sweet, 26, of Portland was captured by Westbrook police near the Fireside Inn on Riverside Street after fleeing from the Main Street restaurant, according to Westbrook police Capt. Steve Goldberg. Sweet was charged with robbery, criminal mischief, refusing to submit to arrest and violating his conditions of release.

The bizarre incident began around 3:30 p.m. when police started receiving multiple 911 calls about a man “chasing people with a chain saw at McDonald’s,” Goldberg said in a news release.

Sweet entered the restaurant and while revving the saw intermittently, he went behind the counter where employees were preparing meals and stole a drink and food, Goldberg said.

“When the manager confronted the suspect in the parking lot, the suspect began chasing the manager with the chain saw,” Goldberg said. “The suspect also used the chain saw to damage two vehicles that were at the restaurant.”

Every on-duty police officer in Westbrook responded to the 911 calls. Sweet was located near VIP Tires on Riverside Street but fled when officers approached. He was apprehended without incident near the Fireside Inn, Goldberg said. No injuries were reported.


Yeah Evil Dead is fiction. Next up – the Capitol Riots have produced some stunningly stupid criminals and we were going to dedicate this whole feature to them, but we might save that for another feature. But this is one of my favorites – and it involves famously hardcore right wing actor Chuck Norris. No, Chuck Norris was not at the riots. But take a selfie while you’re there with the location tracking feature turned on, and you’ll eventually get found out.

After a viral photo claimed to show Chuck Norris at last week's rally of supporters of President Donald Trump in Washington, D.C., his camp issued a statement on Tuesday saying it wasn't actually the martial arts actor.

Erik Kritzer, a spokesman for the "Walker, Texas Ranger" actor, insisted that his client was thousands of miles away from the U.S. Capitol last week.

"This is not Chuck Norris and is a wannabe look-alike, although Chuck is much more handsome," Kritzer said in a statement to NBC News. "Chuck remains on his range in Texas where he has been with his family."

A photo posted to Twitter on Monday appeared to show a Trump supporter snapping a selfie with Norris during Wednesday's rally to oppose the results of the presidential election.

After the rally, a violent pro-Trump mob stormed the U.S. Capitol Building and tried to stop lawmakers from formally accepting President-elect Joe Biden's victory. At least five people died as a result of the riot.

I’m sure the actual Chuck Norris would approve. Anyway next up – we go overseas to our new overlords in Russia! There are stupid people everywhere, and this tale of stupid criminals takes place in the Russian Navy, where a captain decided to take a few “souvenirs” from his submarine as it was in the process of being decommissioned. File this one under “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”.

The Russian Navy says that a former commander of the now-decommissioned Sovremenny class destroyer Bespokoynyy conspired with others and stole the ship's two bronze propellers while it was in dry dock being converted into a floating museum. The alleged caper sounds like it was ripped straight from the plot of a comedic Hollywood heist movie, with the thieves reportedly swapping out the pair of screws, each weighing approximately 13 tons, for ones made out of a cheaper metal.

Russian media outlet Interfax reported on Jan. 11, 2021, that Sergei Sharshavykh, head of the military investigation department of the Russian Navy's Baltic Fleet, confirmed that the investigation into the theft was nearly complete. The names of the former commander of the Bespokoynyy, or any of their accomplices, and what kind of jail time or fines they might be facing, were not disclosed. The two propellers are valued at approximately 39 million rubles, or just over $522,513 at the rate of exchange at the time of writing.

Sharshavykh, the Russian Navy investigator told Interfax that, to "cover their tracks," those involved in the theft had imitation screws made up, the "cost and quality of which are several times lower" than the original bronze ones.
It's unclear when the theft took place, but Sharshavykh said that happened after Bespokoynyy arrived at Yantar in 2016 for conversion into a museum ship as part of its decommissioning from the Russian Navy. That process included remove the destroyer's two propellers, as well as its driveshafts, and sealing the hull in such a way as to allow it to remain afloat, but without the need for regular maintenance.


Next up – back to the Capitol Riots, look here’s the thing guys. If you took part in the Trump uprising, maybe, I don’t know, don’t take selfies? Seriously guys these things have things like location trackers and IP tracers, if you took a selfie at the Capitol, the Feds are going to find you! Where’s J. Walter Weatherman when you need him? And that’s why you always leave a note!

A New York man has now been charged with participating in the Jan. 6 insurrection in D.C. after allegedly texting a picture and video of himself in the Capitol to his girlfriend’s brother – a special agent with the U.S. Diplomatic Security Service.

According to a probable cause affidavit filed in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, the agent – who is a federal officer employed by the U.S. Department of State – reported the photo and video to the Diplomatic Security Service, which then passed it along to the Joint Terrorism Task Force.

The agent reportedly saw a post from his sister on Facebook that her boyfriend, Thomas Fee, of Freeport, New York, was in D.C. “at the rally” on Jan. 6. The agent subsequently texted Fee, who allegedly confirmed his presence and sent him a “selfie” of him in the Capitol Rotunda, along with a video and a text saying he was “at the tip of the spear.”

According to the affidavit, federal investigators were able to confirm a white Chevy Tahoe registered to Fee left Long Island, where Freeport is located, on Jan. 5 and returned Jan. 7 at around 11 a.m.


Finally this week – don’t worry, Florida! You’re not spared from this week! Of course everyone knows Florida – as Homer Simpson once called it “America’s Wang”. And really when you’re drunk – and I know I have been many times in my life, why does there need to be a last call? Why not take the whole bar with you? That’s what this one guy did in the Florida Keys!

A drunk Florida man was arrested after he was caught operating a floating tiki bar that was reportedly stolen, the US Coast Guard announced.

Agents from the Coast Guard’s Key West station found the man on the stolen tiki hut near Hawk’s Channel off the coast of the Florida Keys, the agency wrote in a Wednesday tweet.

“Don’t drink and boat!” the tweet quipped.

The man appeared intoxicated and was taken into custody by officers from Florida’s Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, the Coast Guard said. ......(more)


That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Road To The White House
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Welcome back to our ongoing coverage of the 2020 election to end all elections in… *cue reverb* THE ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE!!!! Ooh that was some good reverb there. We’ll be doing this segment until March 10th. But we did it everybody!!! We finally served Trump the eviction notice he so badly deserves and Joesph R. Biden has won the election to become our 46th president! Or has he? Well there’s some on the right who are denying Biden as much as they are a certain deadly disease that’s out there. But that’s not here or there. Here, we’re out to celebrate the inauguration and remind the kids that Democrats get all the cool celebrities, and if you vote conservative, you get trashy celebrities like Ted Nugent and Kid Rock. So here’s how the party went down.

The inauguration of President Joe Biden won more viewers than President Donald Trump’s 2017 ceremony, per early Nielsen figures, and saw a reversal of fortunes for some of the nation’s best-watched cable-news outlets.

Approximately 39.87 million people watched the half-hour swearing-in ceremony over the nation’s six major TV-news outlets, according to Nielsen, compared with 38.35 million viewers for the 2017 event. The 2021 figure represents an approximately 4% increase over its 2017 predecessor.

Nielsen estimated that an average of 33.7 million people watched the event across 17 different networks, compared with an average of 30.6 million who watched former President Donald Trump’s inauguration in 2017. Those figures, which include viewing via broadband and by people not in their own homes, indicate that 10.2% more people watched some part of the Biden proceedings than Trump’s.

CNN’s coverage captured an average of 9.9 million for the pivotal half hour, leading the pack. The AT&T-backed cable-news network said the numbers represented the biggest audience it has captured for an inauguration broadcast in its history.

Thank you Nelson! Oh man I bet that had to burn Trump. Because you know he loves him some ratings, and nobody gets bigger ratings than he does! Except of course… for Joe Biden! And you know what else is nice? Having a president who has a deep consideration for the arts because Trump doesn’t. And the arts will play a huge role in our economic recovery after this damn pandemic. But having a rainbow is nice after the dark storm that was the Trump administration!

'The “inauguration painting” displayed at a reception inside the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday delivered on a message of hope for peace just as the new administration was sworn in.

Incoming first lady Jill Biden and Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) selected the painting as the official artwork for the swearing-in ceremony. Painted in 1859 by renowned Black artist Robert S. Duncanson (1821-1872), "Landscape With Rainbow" features an idyllic American countryside under a rainbow.

As Christopher Knight writes for the LA Times, the work possibly echoes the famous Black spiritual, “Mary Don’t You Weep,” dating from the pre-Civil War era. Even before a storm--the Civil War was on the horizon--a rainbow, sign of hope, appears. From the song's chorus: “God gave Noah the rainbow sign; no more water, the fire next time.”

On loan from the Smithsonian, the painting's gallery label reads:

Robert Seldon Duncanson was America’s best known African American painter in the years surrounding the Civil War. Based in Cincinnati, he was supported by abolitionists who bought his paintings and sponsored his trip to Europe to study from the Old Masters. In this pastoral landscape, a young couple strolls through fertile pastureland, toward a house at the end of a rainbow. The cattle head home toward the nearby cottage, reinforcing the sense that man lives in harmony with nature. Duncanson’s vision of rural America as Arcadia, a landscape akin to paradise, is a characteristic feature of his work, a late hope for peace before the onset of Civil War.'


So that said, even though it was minimalist compared to previous inaugurations, and we’re not counting the minimalist audience that was at Trump’s inauguration. Hey o!!! But still, Biden’s inauguration was definitely something and something history will remember because we’re still in a raging pandemic and everything is awkward and socially distant. But Biden delivered a great address.

'In his inaugural address today, President Joe Biden emphasized unifying this country and ending what he called an uncivil war: “We must end this uncivil war that pits red against blue, rural versus urban, rural versus urban, conservative versus liberal. We can do this if we open our souls instead of hardening our hearts. If we show a little tolerance and humility, and if we’re willing to stand in the other person’s shoes.”

Stanford history professor David M. Kennedy tells KCRW what national leadership must do now: “The federal government needs to demonstrate that it can be a competent government that can deliver the goods, not least of all, improving the speed and reach of the COVID vaccine rollout. ... That kind of thing would go a long way to restoring the public's confidence in government.”

Washington Post columnist Michele Norris points out that Biden has empathy, which she calls his “natural octave.”

“He is quite good at that. … There was a lot of tough language in the inaugural address today. But there's a gentleness about Joe Biden. … That is the kind of thing that Joe Biden might be able to extend, some sort of olive branch so people are at least willing to perhaps listen to what he has to say and what he has to offer in terms of governance,” Norris says.

You’re not going to capture their attention that way! But see if you hang with us you get to see concerts by the Foo Fighters, Lady Gaga, and Black Pumas! If you hang with conservatives you get to see Diamond and Silk, and performances by Vanilla Ice and 3 Doors Down. Maybe Ted Nugent will show up but he’ll just be standing on the side. And you know what? Enough talking about Orange Douche, we did it everybody!!!!

You have heard the song “Feeling Good.” You have heard it a lot. You have heard Michael Buble’s version over mimosas, or Nina Simone’s on your friend’s turntable, or any of the thousands bellowed by first-round The Voice auditioners. It is familiar now, to the point where it almost doesn’t register when it’s playing, even in an interpretation as heartfelt as the one John Legend delivered last night as part of Celebrating America, the prime-time, mid-Covid, virtual, audienceless, small and soaring post-inaugural concert that kicked off the Biden/Harris administration on Wednesday night and made me tear up at a goddamn Katy Perry song.

But it should register. It has meaning, and I hope that meaning came through amid the fireworks and the flossing and the champagne. “Feeling Good” and feeling good are important, and I’m here for them both. We’ve earned them.

Here’s the deal with the song: In 1965, Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse debuted their musical The Roar of the Greasepaint, The Smell of the Crowd, which in the tradition of 1960s entertainment is smugly symbolic and absolutely ridiculous. It is the story of Sir, a big fat rich fucking asshole, and Cocky, a disheveled but proud young striver. The plot revolves around their longstanding rivalry in The Game, a hopscotch-type exercise performed on a chalk circle in the middle of the stage, which Sir always wins because he changes the rules over and over to his advantage. It is, as you fully understood three sentences ago, an allegory for society. It is also awful, and it will almost definitely be revived on Broadway to great critical acclaim in our lifetime.

See you next week!


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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #10-1: Lauren's Got A Gun Edition (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots Jan 27 OP
SergeStorms Jan 27 #1
Top 10 Idiots Jan 27 #2
underpants Jan 27 #3

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Jan 27, 2021, 05:07 PM

1. Yay! Top Ten Conservative Idiots is back.

Love it, love it, love it!

I always wondered how you whittle it down to a mere 10 per week though.

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Response to SergeStorms (Reply #1)

Wed Jan 27, 2021, 05:47 PM

2. That's why these are so long every week!

Too hard to narrow it down to just 10!

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Jan 27, 2021, 06:25 PM

3. #5. Escheatment - states can take old investments that look to be unattended.

The fifth largest revenue stream for the state of California


As It Happens is a really good radio program.

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