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Fri Dec 11, 2020, 12:59 PM

 

Borowitz: White House Offers Curbside Pickup of Pardons



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In response to the coronavirus pandemic, the White House is offering curbside pickup for Republican officials and other cronies who have ordered pardons from Donald J. Trump.

The White House made the decision to offer the contactless pardon-pickup option to accommodate the surging number of stooges and lackeys who have been shopping for pardons this holiday season. Republicans looking to pick up their pardons may do so at a drive-through window outside the Oval Office from eight in the morning until nine at night, the White House announced.

Donald J. Trump or Mike Pence will personally dispense the pardons through the window, enabling pardon-seekers to remain safely in their cars.

The White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, urged Trump’s toadying enablers to pick up their pardons as early as possible. “Get your pardon first thing in the morning, and you’ll still have plenty of time to get to the Supreme Court to try to throw out the election,” she said.


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/white-house-offers-curbside-pickup-of-pardons

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Reply Borowitz: White House Offers Curbside Pickup of Pardons (Original post)
ehrnst Dec 11 OP
Laelth Dec 11 #1
Gothmog Dec 11 #2

Response to ehrnst (Original post)

Fri Dec 11, 2020, 01:02 PM

1. Certified checks or money orders only, please.

Borowitz blew it with this one. No way Trump or Pence is going to stand at a window to distribute these things and collect the checks.

-Laelth

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Response to ehrnst (Original post)

Fri Dec 11, 2020, 01:07 PM

2. I love good satire

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