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Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:07 PM

Everybody Enjoying This Sad, Silly Coup? Living in History Sure is Dumb. (Ferret/Shower Cap)

What if they threw a coup, and only the densest, skeeviest, mouthbreathingest clown school dropouts showed up? I swear, the textbooks of the future are going to switch without warning to comic sans when they reach this stupid, stupid period in American history.

(Find this one, with allllllll them nooz links, here: http://showercapblog.com/everybody-enjoying-this-sad-silly-coup-living-in-history-sure-is-dumb/)

Before we begin, a toast to the latest macabre milestone: our coronavirus death mound now measures a quarter of a million corpses high. “American exceptionalism” certainly carries a darker meaning in these waning days of 2020, as asymptomatic transmission and the wingnut disinformation bubble continue working their murderous magic, Laura Ingraham skipping merrily along, hand-in-hand with the Grim Reaper, in a plague-friendly perversion of the buddy system.

Rudy Giuliani, raw sewage leaking from seemingly every pore and orifice, called yet another press conference, as if to defiantly proclaim that yes, for a loser of less renown, the debacle at Four Seasons Total Landscaping would have been rock bottom, but I’m Amerikkka’s Mayor, dammit, and I’ve still got so much further to fall, Dante’s gonna learn a thing or two before I finally splatter.

Alongside Jenna Ellis and Sidney Powell because I guess Alex Jones and the Hamburglar were busy, Incesto the Clown bellowed and babbled the craziest fucking shit you will ever fucking hear; by the end of it, I honestly think he was speaking in tongues; you get enough cheap meth in these maniacs, everything comes out HUGO CHAVEZ AND GEORGE SOROS DID IT, y’know?

That’s just how things are now, during the Fuckwit Revolution, as the least intelligent people alive attempt to overthrow the U.S. government by punching themselves in the crotch over and over again.

It’s the weirdest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen. It’s a bit like watching a video of some roly-poly baby bear struggling to open a jar, (sans the cuteness of course) and you’re all, “Wook at him! Him cannot get it open cuz him not haz thumbs,” but also there’s a small nuclear device inside the jar, so maybe we should take it away before the bear gets lucky?

Because we suddenly find ourselves at the point where the defeated incumbent President of the United States is saying, rather loudly, “The election didn’t go the way I wanted, I should now very much like to end democracy in America,” and the institutional GOP is all, “Donald just needs to damage to our institutions a little while longer, can’t you see he’s upset? Let him have this!”

Look, Martin Scorsese earned the right to inflict the last 35 minutes of The Irishman on us, but only after delivering decades of quality cinema; all you fucks’ve done is turn the motherfucking coronavirus loose on us like we’re a goddamn all you can eat buffet. Tell him he has to stop coup-ing or there won’t be any ice cream. Jesus.

The Dipshit Coup itself is, dear lord, SO much dumber than I expected, and my expectations were...I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about a Yosemite-and-Thailand-mispronouncin‘ clod, regularly thwarted by umbrellas and neckties. Just today, he retweeted a fake account, claiming to be his sister, because all you have to do to trick the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES into thinking you’re literally a member of his family is to make a Twitter account in their name; can you even IMAGINE how much Putin has been milking this fool?

My point is, even at THAT level of expectation, this shit is stupid beyond my wildest imaginings, like, What If the Pulp Fiction Suitcase Contained Stupidity, whether it’s alleging fraud in Michigan using data from Minnesota, or Rudy stopping just short of screaming “SIRI HOW DO YOU LAWYER?” in Williamsport. It shouldn’t be possible to fail this badly in public without combusting from shame.

Yes, it’s almost incomprehensibly dumb, but it is also dangerous, because this idiot death cult is growing discouragingly comfortable with political violence, as evidenced by the truly dispiriting outpouring of financial support for the child terrorist Kyle Rittenhouse, who posted $2 million bail today, and now walks free.

Speaking of shitty white boy terrorism, this week we learned some deeply fucked-up new details about the plans of that one white trash cell up in Michigan, so I guess it shouldn’t surprise us to learn rank-and-file Cult45ers are bombarding election officials with death threats; they’re just doin’ their humble part to bring a white nationalist dictatorship to America, by gum. I’m told we need to reach out to these people. I disagree.

The only signs the Tangelo-Tinted Taint Tumor acknowledges his enormous, humiliating, landslide defeat on any level manifest in odd leaks about planned pettiness designed to make life harder for the incoming Biden Administration (and, by extension, the American people, some 70 million of whom apparently can’t wait to gobble up one last plateful of Tangerine Idi Amin’s shit) by recklessly “lighting fires” all over the world for no purpose greater than raw spite.

I really don’t have the heart to tell Wee Don that Joe is unlikely to take his seat behind the Resolute desk before a staffer removes the thumbtack he’s so childishly plotting to leave in place of the traditional gracious letter. They gotta steam-clean the joint, bro; between the lingering stench of experimental hair tonic and the inch-thick film of pure coronavirus adorning every surface, they’ll be running the country out of a Starbucks for the first few days.

Treasury Secretary Mnuchbag is getting in on the Torch the Oilfields in Retreat action, shutting down key emergency loan programs just as the fall surge begins to take its toll. This episode serves as a fun reminder that Mitch McConnell views his job, under a Democratic president, as “inflicting maximum harm until voters return the GOP to power,” and for no particular reason here’s a link for anybody who wants to help get Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff elected.

Speaking of Georgia, I see David Perdue got caught using his office for personal profit again, and I’m almost overwhelmed with whimsy, recalling the days when such serial corruption would have ended his political career. Of course, the contract between Republican officials and their voters is different now: you can rob ‘em blind so long as you trigger th’libs, and we all know Dave isn’t shy about deploying his dog whistle.

Willard Romney was widely praised for demonstrating Republican Bravery, which is sort of like regular bravery, only it comes weeks after the point it would have done any good. Whatever.

You’ll no doubt be pleased to learn Emily W. Murphy remains blissfully unconcerned about the damage she is single-handedly inflicting on the country by holding up the transition of power, which essentially amounts to humming Hakuna Matata at the funerals of the inevitable victims of her coronavirus response sabotage.

I see Rudy’s shitbrained kid caught himself a lil’ touch of the ‘rona. So did Rick Scott. This keeps happening, so I’m out of jokes on the subject, but of course the joke’s really on us, in that our country’s governing party is defined by a cultish refusal to ever learn anything about anything.  Ha ha...hoo. Fuck.

Junior caught it, too, huh?  I hope Kimberly reaches out responsibly to any donors she’s recently forced lap dances upon; contact tracing is very important.

...I honestly thought things would be at least marginally less cray-cray by this point. In hindsight, given the data, that was pretty foolish of me, but I take comfort in knowing that even after such an obvious mistake, I’m a goddamn genius next to the President’s legal team. Stay safe out there, my friends... 

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Reply Everybody Enjoying This Sad, Silly Coup? Living in History Sure is Dumb. (Ferret/Shower Cap) (Original post)
TheFerret Friday OP
2naSalit Friday #1
Eliot Rosewater Friday #2
iluvtennis Friday #15
LudwigPastorius Saturday #20
underpants Friday #3
Arne Friday #4
CaliforniaPeggy Friday #5
Cha Friday #6
CatMor Friday #7
littlemissmartypants Friday #8
OneBlueSky Friday #9
UpInArms Friday #10
flying rabbit Friday #11
SheltieLover Friday #12
mdbl Friday #13
majdrfrtim Saturday #21
brush Friday #14
leighbythesea2 Friday #16
wnylib Friday #17
LastLiberal in PalmSprings Friday #18
peacebuzzard Friday #19
relayerbob Saturday #22
Gothmog Saturday #23
empedocles Saturday #25
Lugnut Saturday #24
Dark n Stormy Knight Saturday #26

Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:12 PM

1. K&R

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:14 PM

2. There is a reason Emily Murphy refuses to obey the law and allow transition.

She knows the fix is in, that PA and MI are going to refuse to certify the election or do something they have cooked up, and while it may or may not work, she cant allow transition for the obvious reason.

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Response to iluvtennis (Reply #15)

Sat Nov 21, 2020, 12:01 AM

20. That's right up there with, "The check is in the mail" and "No, those jeans don't make you look fat"

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:16 PM

3. The bear and Torching the Oil fields were spot on

And brilliant.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:17 PM

4. Like your writing style

but your story is horrifying.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:17 PM

5. Outta the goddamn ballpark again, my dear Ferret!

Thank you.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:18 PM

6. KR.. TY Ferret!

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:28 PM

7. This is a great one ...

things will be changing soon. Don't know if we can all handle getting back to normal after 4 long years.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:31 PM

8. Kicked and recommended. ❤ nt

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:39 PM

9. what these morons are either missing or simply ignoring . . .

is how they will be portrayed when the history of this election is written . . . it will not be pretty . . .

and it will indeed confuse the hell out of all those kids trying to understand American history . . . "Well, students, there was this glitch in the story 'round about 2020 . . . there was this guy named Donald Trump who's a bit difficult to describe in language that is acceptable in American classrooms" . . .

thanks for the post . . . a fun read . . .

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:44 PM

10. Thank you ...

My dear ferret

You always make me know I’m still on the right side of dirt.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:44 PM

11. K&R nt

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 10:45 PM

12. K&R!

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 11:04 PM

13. I'm changing Munchkin to Mnuchbag

Much Better.

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Response to mdbl (Reply #13)

Sat Nov 21, 2020, 12:25 AM

21. M(n)uch Better.

FIFY, mdbl.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 11:07 PM

14. Yep, this is a true kakristocracy...trump, Rudy, Kushner, McEnany, the whole cabal.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 11:17 PM

16. The comic sans

Comment right out of the gate, got a good laugh! Thanks for the post as usual!

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 11:33 PM

17. It will feel so strange when things

are back to normal in the White House again. Sometimes you don't realize just how much a bad situation is affecting you until it's over. The past 4 years, and especially this year, have been so bad that I know I've been tense and anxious, but in the aftermath, it will really hit me just how much.

It's like the time the results of a biopsy got delayed. I didn't know how tensed up I had been until the doc called to say he finally got the lab report and it was benign. Did not know I'd been holding my breath until I exhaled and my whole body relaxed.

The Biden inauguration is going to bring that kind of relief.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 11:54 PM

18. Trump is a double loser.

First, he lost the election,

Second, he's going to lose the coup.

I imagine Melania has made arrangements to have her stuff moved to a different location in New York until the divorce is final. So he will have lost his wife (although having a gold digger out of your life is a wonderful feeling -- spoken from experience).

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Fri Nov 20, 2020, 11:57 PM

19. K&R!!

great stuff!

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sat Nov 21, 2020, 12:42 AM

22. This is seriously one of the funniest lines I've read about any of this

"That’s just how things are now, during the Fuckwit Revolution, as the least intelligent people alive attempt to overthrow the U.S. government by punching themselves in the crotch over and over again."

That sums up your whole glorious rant in one line. This needs a cartoon ... not a meme, but a place on an editorial page

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sat Nov 21, 2020, 01:09 AM

23. We are watching an attempt coup that should fail

We are watching history in the making https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-uses-power-of-presidency-to-try-to-overturn-the-election-and-stay-in-office/2020/11/19/bc89caa6-2a9f-11eb-8fa2-06e7cbb145c0_story.html?fbclid=IwAR0sEwKAVH0_rdY6g9ZGpqxB6hgurlz8U16J97Vp23g53e03m_x2_hRa6-g

These are the words and actions of an attempted coup, according to historians and other experts.

“We have never seen anything like this before,” historian and author Michael Beschloss said. “This is a president abusing his very great powers to try to stay in office, even though it is obvious to everyone that he has been defeated in the polls. That is a prospect that terrified most of the founders.”

Beschloss added, “I don’t want to be alarmist, but I do think it’s our job as citizens to keep watch on every one of these things with an eye to that ultimate dread of the founders, which is that a president rejected by the voters would use his powers to try to stay in office anyway

I do not believe that this coup will be successful in part because trump is an idiot but I am worried about future attempts by people who are not idiots

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Response to Gothmog (Reply #23)

Sat Nov 21, 2020, 06:18 AM

25. Yes. Thats why there should be no coverup 'healing'. Full investigations, indictments,

prosecutions.

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sat Nov 21, 2020, 01:28 AM

24. K&R n/t

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Response to TheFerret (Original post)

Sat Nov 21, 2020, 01:11 PM

26. "Donald just needs to damage to our institutions a little while longer, can't you see he's upset?

Let him have this!”

From the, "Fuck Yer Feelings" party, no less. If deploying blatant and dangerous hypocrisy were a deadly disease, we wouldn't need COVID.

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