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Thu Oct 22, 2020, 04:30 PM

Rudy Releases Video Of Himself Masturbating To Show What It Actually Looks Like

WASHINGTON—In response to a compromising scene featured in the Borat sequel in which the president’s personal attorney claimed to be tucking in his shirt, Rudy Giuliani released a video of himself masturbating Thursday to show what it would actually look like.

“You thought that was masturbating? I’ll show you masturbating,” said Giuliani in a blurry iPhone video that he released to every major national news outlet, which showed the former New York City mayor getting completely naked and weeping as he vigorously pleasured himself.

“Hopefully, this footage of me beating my meat to toe-curling completion will dispel any salacious claims about what took place in that hotel. I’ve also shared this with the FBI so they can authenticate it. If you don’t see me standing in the middle of my living room jacking off to a family photo album, then you can rest assured I wasn’t masturbating.”

At press time, Giuliani vowed to release a new video of him masturbating every day until the election to help prevent the spread of disinformation.

https://politics.theonion.com/rudy-giuliani-releases-video-of-himself-masturbating-to-1845453299/amp?__twitter_impression=true

24 replies, 5064 views

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Arrow 24 replies Author Time Post
Reply Rudy Releases Video Of Himself Masturbating To Show What It Actually Looks Like (Original post)
edbermac Oct 2020 OP
LineReply .
unblock Oct 2020 #1
BSdetect Oct 2020 #2
George II Oct 2020 #23
BHDem53 Oct 2020 #3
Yonnie3 Oct 2020 #4
COL Mustard Oct 2020 #18
Sherman A1 Oct 2020 #5
BadGimp Oct 2020 #6
NJCher Oct 2020 #7
DeeNice Oct 2020 #8
tavernier Oct 2020 #9
LAS14 Oct 2020 #10
Illumination Oct 2020 #11
agincourt Oct 2020 #12
mjvpi Oct 2020 #13
RainCaster Oct 2020 #14
myohmy2 Oct 2020 #15
Fozzledick Oct 2020 #16
Jirel Oct 2020 #17
Autumn Oct 2020 #19
Neoma Oct 2020 #20
Rural_Progressive Oct 2020 #21
Evolve Dammit Oct 2020 #22
ffr Oct 2020 #24

Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 04:33 PM

1. .

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 04:36 PM

2. You'll get more traction if you mention something about a fly in your post

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Response to BSdetect (Reply #2)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 07:29 PM

23. How about this?

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 04:37 PM

3. Ewww

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 04:39 PM

4. I'm gonna pretend that this isn't The Onion ...

and say Rudy should back off of the alcohol (with or without this story).

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Response to Yonnie3 (Reply #4)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:42 PM

18. Thank God

I thought this was a real story for a second!!!

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 05:01 PM

5. LOL

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 05:19 PM

6. wtf

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 05:37 PM

7. urm

that was a bit graphic for me.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 05:48 PM

8. Pass the neuralizer please.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 05:49 PM

9. Oh good.

Now I won’t need that ice cream I was trying to talk myself out of. Maybe won’t need it tomorrow either.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 05:50 PM

10. Come on!! Ya gotta reference The Onion at the top! ANYTHING could be true these days. Poor Onion.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 05:58 PM

11. Look @ the level that Rudy has sunk to! Like it's been said, everything & everyone

 

associated with Trump turns to sh**! That's especially true in poor little Rudy's case!

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:06 PM

12. I wonder what percentage of us

thought this was real? It seems more likely than many things in the newsfeed.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:12 PM

13. That'll help me loose my Covid 15lbs.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:16 PM

14. While he looks at a family photo album...

I love that line.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:24 PM

15. well...

...a Jagoff does jag-off...

...you've got to respect a 'toe-curling completion' at his age...

...

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:27 PM

16. This round of "Is it The Onion or Borowitz?" goes to The Onion!

Some headlines just beg for the question to be answered, even if they are obvious click-bait.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:36 PM

17. When your brain says it's the Onion...

... but your brain also says “Waitaminnit, you need to check this,” you KNOW there’s a problem with the various players here.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:44 PM

19. I would not have been a bit shocked if this were real and not The Onion.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:52 PM

20. I could cry.

Of course I did not think it was the onion at first...

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 06:59 PM

21. Shows how completely f*cked up things have become

that my wife and I had no problem believing he actually had done this. Wasn't till we got to the ".....meat to toe-curling........" phrase before I started looking around to see if this was for real.

That is how far our society has fallen thanks to Swampman and the Noxious Creatures.

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 07:20 PM

22. He's in stiff competition with Jacket Off Jordan!

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Response to edbermac (Original post)

Thu Oct 22, 2020, 07:45 PM

24. Is Tucker Carlson going to help him to prove a point?

Asking for a friend.

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