My aunt died overnight - an indirect COVID 19 death.
Last edited Sat Oct 17, 2020, 07:16 PM - Edit history (1)
She's been in a nursing home for a few years. Although she never married or had children, there are 130 or so descendants of her siblings - all very close. Prior to last March, there was nearly always at least one family member with her for a substantial period of time each day. Even in one of the better nursing homes, the staff is insufficient - and (as an example) she contracted UTIs on a regular basis because they didn't either get her to the bathroom when she needed to go and/or failed to change her diaper. We had, at least twice, reported the nursing home to the state for failure to answer her call button in a timely manner (among other things). She would call for help. If no one appeared, she'd telephone a niece or nephew. We'd call the nursing desk and tell them to go to her room. When the family was all away for a weekend wedding, my aunt was forced to rely on the nursing home staff for all of her needs. The dramatic increase in requests for assistance (since we'd been meeting most of her needs) triggered a nursing home inquiry into her mental state.
The isolation made her life miserable. We weren't allowed to see her at all for months. The incompetence didn't magically disappear since we weren't able to check on it (sorry Trump, it doesn't work that way) - and none of us were able to gap-fill for the short-staffing, so her quality of life took a dramatic turn for the worse. She was reasonably tech-savvy for a 93 year old woman, so we were able to facetime with her occasionally, and recently were allowed visits through a screened window (with us outside and her inside). She was able to be present via facetime for her great-niece's wedding last month, and had family visit yesterday (through the screen)
She had a long, full life - but it's pretty clear to me it was cut short by the effects of the isolation (and that we weren't able to ensure that she got the care she had when we were able to visit daily).
When Trump sycophants talk about less than 1% dying, they ignore the great toll on those who have the illness and recover. I'm even guilty of stopping at reminding them of the lingering impact on those who survived - without mentioning the impact on people like my aunt.
It is sad to lose her, but she was no longer enjoying life because of the consequences of this lock down - and indicated to a cousin last night that she was ready to go.
My aunt's trainer - just like Ruth Bader Ginsberg's - did push ups beside her casket - 10 of them 2-handed, and 2 of them 1-handed. After RBG's death, family members joked that my aunt's trainer would need to do the same thing when it was her time - never realizing it would be so soon.
While we were at the cemetery I took a photo of my spouse's baba's grave - the woman whose name our daughter bears. Our daughter was the first family member in two generations to bear her name (unlike the patriarch - for whom all 4 of my spouse's brothers are named. (There are several bearing baba's name since then. About 10 years after our daughter was born, the name shot up to #1 and hasn't dropped out of the top 5 since then.)
And now I go into 2 weeks of relative isolation. People behaved at the funeral, but the family meal afterward was another story. No distancing, folks from Houston, Chicago, and at least a dozen separate local households. I didn't have anything to eat or drink so I was able to stay masked the entire time. But my spouse, of course, was running around unmasked - so I won't count myself safe for 2 weeks.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Condolences for your loss. 
Aunt. May every good memory you have and the stories you will tell comfort you 
.
Condolences. You did great.
93 is a good long life. My father had his 93rd in August and I worry about him, being in a nursing home as well.
It's so tragic that people have to go in isolation these days because of this virus. May she rest in peace.
I’m sorry for your loss.
So much anguish. She was fortunate to have you and the family - being so loving and caring and devoted.
