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Thu Oct 8, 2020, 06:20 PM

Ben Carson Wondering Where Everyone at White House Has Gone

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Ben Carson, the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, is wondering where everyone at the White House has gone, Carson has confirmed.

Carson showed up unannounced at the White House on Thursday morning, “just to say hi,” and was surprised to find the building virtually deserted.

“I was wondering if there was some holiday I didn’t know about,” Carson said. “I know there are a lot of holidays that Jewish people celebrate this time of year, but that just explains why Jared and Ivanka weren’t there. It’s kind of a head-scratcher.”

The H.U.D. Secretary was also trying to make sense of the presence of cleaning crews throughout the White House, but “couldn’t figure it out.”

“Maybe there was a big party they’re cleaning up after,” he said. “To be honest, I would be kind of hurt if I hadn’t been invited. Unless, of course, it was a party to celebrate one of those Jewish holidays. I’m not Jewish, like Jared and Ivanka. Still, that must have been one heck of a Jewish-holiday party, if that’s what occurred.”

Carson said that he was prepared to accept the mystery of why the White House was deserted. “It’s like the pyramids of Egypt,” he said. “For years, no one knew that they were used to store grain, and then it all became clear. Someday we may know why the White House was deserted. And then it will all make sense.”

Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/ben-carson-wondering-where-everyone-at-white-house-has-gone



Photograph by Stefani Reynolds / dpa / Alamy

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Reply Ben Carson Wondering Where Everyone at White House Has Gone (Original post)
Rhiannon12866 Oct 8 OP
PatSeg Oct 8 #1
Claustrum Oct 8 #2
Captain Zero Oct 8 #4
soothsayer Oct 8 #3
Rhiannon12866 Oct 9 #6
keithbvadu2 Oct 8 #5

Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Oct 8, 2020, 06:23 PM

1. Sounds about right!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Oct 8, 2020, 06:24 PM

2. Worst one in a while. This assumes Ben Carlson works.

He doesn't. He is just there to do nothing and collect his paychecks.

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Response to Claustrum (Reply #2)

Thu Oct 8, 2020, 06:32 PM

4. With this job he doesn't need malpractice insurance

Although he should.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Oct 8, 2020, 06:28 PM

3. Curse you, Borowitz! Duped again

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Response to soothsayer (Reply #3)

Fri Oct 9, 2020, 02:13 PM

6. That's the thing

These days, everything he says is entirely believable.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Oct 8, 2020, 10:17 PM

5. They are out shoveling grain into the pyramids.

They are out shoveling grain into the pyramids.

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