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Thu Sep 24, 2020, 10:53 PM

Amazon Prime Offers to Aid Peaceful Transfer of Power by Shipping Trump Out in Twenty-four Hours

SEATTLE (The Borowitz Report)—In order to ease the peaceful transfer of power this coming January, Amazon has offered its Prime delivery service to ship Donald J. Trump out of the White House within twenty-four hours.

Speaking from his corporate headquarters, the Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos, said that he understood why Trump had misgivings about leaving the White House. “Moving is always hard,” Bezos said. “At Amazon, we want to make Donald Trump’s move as speedy as possible.”

Bezos said that, on Inauguration Day, an Amazon Prime delivery truck will arrive at the White House to prepare Trump for shipping, “free of charge.”

After he has been packed, bar-coded, and scanned into the system, Bezos said, Trump will be expedited to the destination of his choice.

“Amazon Prime guarantees that he will be at Mar-a-Lago within twenty-four hours,” Bezos said, adding that it would take slightly longer if the shipping address is in Moscow.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/amazon-prime-offers-to-aid-peaceful-transfer-of-power-by-shipping-trump-out-in-twenty-four-hours


23 replies, 1625 views

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Arrow 23 replies Author Time Post
Reply Amazon Prime Offers to Aid Peaceful Transfer of Power by Shipping Trump Out in Twenty-four Hours (Original post)
Rhiannon12866 Sep 24 OP
Wounded Bear Sep 24 #1
marble falls Sep 24 #2
Mme. Defarge Sep 24 #7
marble falls Sep 24 #10
Mme. Defarge Sep 24 #11
marble falls Sep 24 #13
sheshe2 Sep 24 #3
napi21 Sep 24 #4
DLCWIdem Sep 24 #5
DBoon Sep 24 #6
Mme. Defarge Sep 24 #8
uriel1972 Sep 24 #9
Mme. Defarge Sep 24 #14
Grokenstein Sep 25 #17
Hassin Bin Sober Sep 24 #12
ecstatic Sep 24 #15
Captain Zero Sep 25 #16
Rhiannon12866 Sep 25 #18
eShirl Sep 25 #19
crickets Sep 25 #20
usaf-vet Sep 25 #21
LoveMyCali Sep 25 #22
Rhiannon12866 Sep 25 #23

Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 10:55 PM

1. Good plan...

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 10:59 PM

2. Borowitz is a national treasure.

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Response to marble falls (Reply #2)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:04 PM

7. Not to mention,

a treasure.

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Response to Mme. Defarge (Reply #7)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:09 PM

10. I'm losing my grip as I age.

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Response to marble falls (Reply #10)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:11 PM

11. It was probably autocorrect, which,

I’m convinced, is evil.

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Response to Mme. Defarge (Reply #11)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:15 PM

13. I hate it.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:03 PM

3. Morgan thinks it is a great idea!



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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:03 PM

4. OHHH, if that were only true. nt

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:03 PM

5. Ship him to jail

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:03 PM

6. This is perfect

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:05 PM

8. Gotta love Prime.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:08 PM

9. I smiled

need a bigger box though.

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Response to uriel1972 (Reply #9)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 01:45 AM

17. An oversized order like that is usually broken down into smaller, separate shipments.

...which is fine by me!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:13 PM

12. I prefer the Moose and Rocko method but this works too

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Sep 24, 2020, 11:21 PM

15. LOL! Let UPS handle the delivery!

Assuming consistency in their methods, they'll toss the box out the plane over Russia.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 01:34 AM

16. Will we get a link to a tracking number?

To really make sure he is gone?

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Response to Captain Zero (Reply #16)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 05:22 AM

18. Good idea, it would be a shame if they "lost" the package

Which has been known to happen. We need to know where he ends up.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 05:28 AM

19. oopsie, no air holes _(ツ)_/

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 10:36 AM

20. If Prime isn't fast enough to suit, perhaps someone has a spare trebuchet lying around.

That would get the job done.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 10:56 AM

21. As long as we are talking about Amazon and Jeff Bezos I have a question / suggestion.

First, a little background. Trump hates Jeff Bezos. Amazon is just the public face of Bezos.

Bezos IS the richest man in the world or darn near it. Bezos needs shipping...... ok, almost there to the question.

If the Republicans get their way, they will try to privatize the USPS. I like it the way it was before the republicans tried to tear it down, starting with the billions in retirement money the USPS HAS to pay and now DeJoy is trying to make it a political tool for Trump.

Why doesn't Bezos say if the USPS is going to be privatized THEN, I'll buy it.

He gets better shipping options to small communities, and the repugs can't bitch because IT WILL BE privately owned.

Although it won't be one of their political allies and, Bezos can give Trump and the (Rs) the middle finger.

Let me repeat myself. I would prefer it stays as the founders intended the USPS.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 11:50 AM

22. Thank goodness

Amazon doesn't charge shipping based on the weight of the package.

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Response to LoveMyCali (Reply #22)

Fri Sep 25, 2020, 05:48 PM

23. Excellent point!

I learned that when I ordered a very large bag of cat litter!

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