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Mon Sep 14, 2020, 10:47 PM

Trump Accuses Biden of Using Performance-Enhancing Books

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hinting darkly that “people are saying there’s something going on,” Donald J. Trump claimed that the former Vice-President Joe Biden is using “performance-enhancing books.”

Pointing to Biden’s strong performances in the Vice-Presidential debates of 2008 and 2012, Trump alleged, “It’s clear that he was under the influence of books.”

“Every time he got asked a question, he pulled facts out of thin air,” Trump said. “You can’t do that unless you’re pumped up on books.”

Trump warned that, unless he is caught, Biden will try to use performance-enhancing books before the Presidential debates, which start later this month, and urged that both candidates be tested for books before the contest.

“I have no problem with being tested,” Trump declared. “I am a hundred per cent book-free.”


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-accuses-biden-of-using-performance-enhancing-books


Photograph by Al Drago / Bloomberg / Getty

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Arrow 12 replies Author Time Post
Reply Trump Accuses Biden of Using Performance-Enhancing Books (Original post)
Rhiannon12866 Sep 14 OP
tulipsandroses Sep 14 #1
sheshe2 Sep 14 #3
sheshe2 Sep 14 #2
Totally Tunsie Sep 14 #4
UTUSN Sep 14 #5
area51 Sep 14 #6
smirkymonkey Sep 15 #7
NNadir Sep 15 #8
KS Toronado Sep 15 #9
Nevilledog Sep 15 #10
Rhiannon12866 Sep 15 #11
Gothmog Sep 15 #12

Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Mon Sep 14, 2020, 10:56 PM

1. Sadly, you no longer know if this is truth or fiction. He mocked HRC for debate prep

So this sounds like it could well come from his lips. He doesn't prepare for anything.

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Response to tulipsandroses (Reply #1)

Mon Sep 14, 2020, 10:59 PM

3. sigh.

Including COVID.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Mon Sep 14, 2020, 10:58 PM

2. Hehehehe




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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Mon Sep 14, 2020, 11:03 PM

4. Love this one!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Mon Sep 14, 2020, 11:12 PM

5. This one is not tricky, just plain funny!1

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Mon Sep 14, 2020, 11:22 PM

6. Ha!


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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Tue Sep 15, 2020, 12:24 AM

7. LOL!

Good one! Borowitz always cracks me up!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Tue Sep 15, 2020, 12:45 AM

8. Borowitz is a funny guy. Love him!!! Thanx.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Tue Sep 15, 2020, 12:46 AM

9. Last line was the truth...."I am a hundred per cent book-free" according to his sister

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Response to Nevilledog (Reply #10)

Tue Sep 15, 2020, 12:54 AM

11. Good one! Thanks!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Tue Sep 15, 2020, 09:07 AM

12. I love good satire

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