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Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:20 PM

Aliens Issue Statement Asserting That Sex with Them Does Not Spread the Coronavirus

OUTER SPACE (The Borowitz Report)In a rare public statement by beings from another planet, a group of prominent aliens declared on Wednesday that having sex with them does not spread the coronavirus.

In the statement, which the aliens published on Medium, the space creatures expressed concern that the dissemination of pseudoscience about sex with demons and alien DNA might cause some Earthlings to erroneously conclude that intimate relations with aliens were in some way a health risk.

We can assure you, based on years of research, that it is perfectly safe for Earthlings to have sex with aliens, the aliens wrote. In this, as in all matters, its important to follow the science.

The extraterrestrials added that the coronavirus pandemic had caused them to rethink their planned invasion of the planet Earth, which had been pencilled in for later this year.

The aliens indicated that they would now limit their invasion to places like Canada and New Zealand, but would avoid the United States.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/aliens-issue-statement-asserting-that-sex-with-them-does-not-spread-the-coronavirus



Photograph by Martina Badini / Shutterstock

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Reply Aliens Issue Statement Asserting That Sex with Them Does Not Spread the Coronavirus (Original post)
Rhiannon12866 Jul 30 OP
Blecht Jul 30 #1
LastDemocratInSC Jul 30 #2
Initech Jul 30 #3
Rhiannon12866 Jul 30 #6
Laelth Jul 30 #4
malaise Jul 30 #5
Buns_of_Fire Jul 30 #7

Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:21 PM

1. Borowitz is getting better all the time. (NT)

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:30 PM

2. He must have interviewed Hogan Gidley.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:30 PM

3. The line between real and satire is blurring more and more every day.

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Response to Initech (Reply #3)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:42 PM

6. Not only that, but it has to be tough for him to decide which craziness to address!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:32 PM

4. Fun! k&r n/t



-Laelth

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:41 PM

5. Too good

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:52 PM

7. I'm withholding judgement on all this

until I also see a press release from Satan to that effect.

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