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Thu Jul 23, 2020, 06:30 PM

Confused Federal Agents Unable to Determine Which Unmarked Van In D.H.S. Garage Is Theirs

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump’s plan to dispatch troops to several American cities has hit a major snag, as federal agents have been unable to determine which unmarked van in the Department of Homeland Security parking garage is theirs.

According to one agent who spoke on condition of anonymity, hundreds of agents are currently wandering around the huge D.H.S. garage in Washington, fruitlessly attempting to locate the correct unmarked van.

“It’s like a baggage-claim nightmare,” the agent complained. “Many unmarked vans look alike.”

Although sending unmarked vans to cities “seemed like a really cool idea at first,” the ensuing confusion might be a compelling reason to “maybe think about going with marked vans instead,” the frustrated agent said.

Speaking to reporters, the acting head of the Department of Homeland Security, Chad Wolf, said that agents’ inability to locate the correct unmarked vans had been “exaggerated,” and added that he was working with the D.H.S. laundry to insure that agents stop receiving other agents’ unmarked uniforms.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/confused-federal-agents-unable-to-determine-which-unmarked-van-in-dhs-garage-is-theirs





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Reply Confused Federal Agents Unable to Determine Which Unmarked Van In D.H.S. Garage Is Theirs (Original post)
Rhiannon12866 Jul 2020 OP
unblock Jul 2020 #1
underpants Jul 2020 #2
Rhiannon12866 Jul 2020 #6
diva77 Jul 2020 #3
Totally Tunsie Jul 2020 #4
gristy Jul 2020 #5
lpbk2713 Jul 2020 #7
Rhiannon12866 Jul 2020 #8

Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 23, 2020, 06:32 PM

1. Lol!

It's so hard doing authoritarian!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 23, 2020, 06:35 PM

2. Alberto Gonzales spent almost 2 years walking around DC hitting his key fob

Trying to find his car. True story.

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Response to underpants (Reply #2)

Fri Jul 24, 2020, 12:13 AM

6. I parked right next to a car I thought was identical to mine recently,

Had a nice chat with the owner. Turns out that her car is a year older, but she has a backup camera and I don't!

And last week when I made my weekly grocery store trip, I hauled my bag out to my car, but my key wouldn't work! Turned out it wasn't my car, mine was two spaces over - so it is an easy mistake to make even in a local parking lot.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 23, 2020, 06:36 PM

3. Fooled again! Sounded plausible...

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 23, 2020, 06:38 PM

4. Sounds like an episode of "The Amazing Race".

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Thu Jul 23, 2020, 06:39 PM

5. oh, i laughed and laughed the instant I saw this!

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Original post)

Fri Jul 24, 2020, 12:19 AM

7. I'd expect to see Inspector Clousseau involved in this search.





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Response to lpbk2713 (Reply #7)

Fri Jul 24, 2020, 05:37 AM

8. If Trump came out and mentioned him, I wouldn't be at all surprised

That's where we are, these days...

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