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Wed May 27, 2020, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-19: Nobody Cared Who I Was Until I Put On The Mask Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-19: Nobody Cared Who I Was Until I Put On The Mask Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Sigh we are finally at the end of the 8th season everybody and this unfortunately is not the sendoff it deserves but we finally got there! How’s everyone doing from home? Yeah we’re going stir crazy too. I really can’t wait to leave this void and get back out on the road and do some Top 10s the way we used to. Of course we’ll start out small – work the crowd from our new home at the legendary Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank. And then we hopefully will branch out and start touring some of the other venues in California when touring permits. Do we have time for the thing? You sad that all your calendar events got canceled because of the shithead virus that’s ravaging everything? Me too. I lost a lot of money on events that I had, including two this last weekend. But some good news - Yeah we finally have something to look forward to everybody!!! I mean finally! In the sea of just bad news and shit hitting the fan, we finally have a light at the end of the tunnel of cancelations! And it’s a movie that I am very much looking forward to – Christopher Nolan’s latest magnum opus Tenant. Which of course is a movie about racing against time to save the world, and boy does our world need saving right now! But when does it come out? Nobody knows, because people don’t know when theaters are going to reopen. But we finally have something on the horizon that’s not being cancelled! Boy that is a sight for sore eyes! Finally! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he discusses the possibility that there’s another virus out there destroying everything it touches:

So far nothing this year has turned out the way we wanted. At least we’re getting a season finale even if it’s not what we expected. I mean come on it’s an election year! Taking the top slot this week, the guy who should be leading by example is our president, Donald J. Trump (1) and well, he isn’t, in his refusal to wear a mask in public. In the second slot this week, we’re going to talk about ways to reopen the country safely (2). Of course this is American and we don’t like being told what to do, so it’s every one for themselves! Taking the third slot this week is the Lockdown Protests (3), or as we’re calling this piece, “Lockdown Palace”. Yeah the protestors are getting crazier and scarier and we’re in for some insane times ahead this year. In the fourth slot this week is Q Anon Supporters (4) – is there a very real possibility that a Q supporter could win a Senate Seat? Oh yes there is, and be afraid, be very afraid. Taking the fifth slot this week is a new edition of our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5). This week did NASA discover a parallel universe where time runs backwards and the laws of physics are upside down? We will investigate! Taking the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6). This week – congregations all across America and the world are figuring out ways to reopen safely amid the pandemic, and our resident pastor is going to go over which is which! In the seventh slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” (7). And singer Lana Del Rey is no stranger to controversy, but is she advocating that there’s a double standard among women in music? Controversy alert!!! In the 8th slot this week we have a new edition of the segment that debunks conspiracy theories – Conspiracy Corner (8)! People, stop destroying 5G cell phone towers! They’re not giving you Coronavirus! Stop it! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we have a new “I Need A Drink” (9) and this week we’re going to give you an update on the College Admissions Scandal known as “Operation: Varsity Blues”! I don’t want your life! Finally this week it’s The Stupidest State Championship! Michigan vs Florida. One of these states will win it all! The champagne is on ice! And I know we can’t give this season the proper sendoff it deserves with a band and live audience, but we will have a performance from one of my favorites, Australia’s King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald J. Trump Vs The Mask
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Hey kids! Gather around! It’s time for another edition of Goofus Vs. Gallant! Though in this case, the role of Gallant is being played by our future 46th president and the embodiment of what a real leader of the free world should look and act like, Joseph Biden. Meanwhile, the part of Goofus, will be played by our current 45th president and the guy who is a bumbling dumbass who always makes the wrong decision no matter what the scenario is, and that’s Donald J. Trump. In short, don’t be like Goofus. Look, nobody likes wearing these masks. And I do mean nobody. But as long as this god forsaken virus is still a thing, we have to. The latest on this insanity.

President Donald Trump on Thursday did not wear a mask for coronavirus protection during the public part of touring a Ford Motor Co. plant in Michigan, despite a state law and company policy requiring facial coverings there.

Trump, who has consistently refused to wear a mask in public, was visiting Ford’s Rawsonville Components Plant in Ypsilanti, which has a policy of requiring masks there. The plant is currently making ventilators in response to the Covid-19 pandemic in the United States.

Video showed Trump on the factory floor talking to Ford executives who were wearing masks.

“Not necessary,” Trump said, when a reporter asked why he was not wearing a facial covering.

“Everybody’s been tested and I’ve been tested.”

Yes, nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask! Of course nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask either! Hey o! of course that’s the kind of joke that would kill in front of a live audience, which I wish I had right now! So that’s how Goofus would handle the situation. Now let’s see how Gallant, aka Joe Biden, would handle the situation. See, he’s a guy who listens to experts and doesn’t let his ego get in the way. That’s what a real leader does!

The CDC recommends it, but the president mocks it. President Trump on Monday shared a tweet making fun of Joe Biden for wearing a mask in public — a step to help reduce the spread of the coronavirus that the president has not followed.

Mr. Trump shared a tweet from Fox News political analyst Brit Hume showing a picture of Biden, the presumptive Democratic nominee, wearing sunglasses and a black mask that covered much of his face at a Memorial Day ceremony. "This might help explain why Trump doesn't like to wear a mask in public," Hume wrote.

Biden wore the mask as he and his wife Jill laid a wreath at the Delaware Memorial Bridge in Wilmington. He kept it on as he told reporters his message to the country on Memorial Day: "Never forget the sacrifices that these men and women made. Never, ever, forget."

It was Biden's first public appearance in two months, as he has been campaigning virtually from his home in Wilmington during the pandemic. Biden's wife and members of his staff were also seen wearing masks.

Yes, this does give you power. Because right now, I can guarantee nobody likes wearing masks or living in this nightmarish world where you can’t talk to anybody or touch anything. Nothing sucks more ass than this does. But the sooner we abide by the rules, the sooner society gets back to normal. And believe me I want normal to come back! But once again the conspiracy theorists make it weird, and boy do they make it weird.

There may have been only a few hundred MAGA faithful gathered Thursday afternoon for Donald Trump’s latest visit to a factory churning out essential gear for the fight against COVID-19, but the right-wing carnival energy essential to his bygone arena rallies was in full effect.

So was the bizarro circus over the president of the United States’ distaste for protective masks.

Loud country music blared from a pickup truck. A supporter waved a flag portraying Trump as a muscle-bound GI Joe with a machine gun. Another held a sign portraying Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer—who has emerged as a bête noire of the right for her aggressive efforts to rein in the coronavirus outbreak—with a Hitler mustache.

It was a small-but-mighty welcome for a president making a legally fraught visit to the nearby Ford Rawsonville Plant, a facility that has been retooled to produce the same ventilators the president has suggested panicked governors may not even need.

Oh and by the way people, don’t go dressing as fucking Bane or wearing any kind of costumes during this thing. That doesn’t help things. That’s the sort of thing Goofus would do. And by the way, let’s take a moment to extrapolate this - the guy who wears lifts in his shoes, adult diapers, a girdle, and copious amounts of bronzer and hair products, is complaining that wearing a mask makes him look totally ridiculous. Let that sink in for a moment.

President Donald Trump brought a navy blue mask stamped with the presidential seal to a Ford plant in Michigan on Thursday. But he refused to wear it in front of cameras.

"I didn't want to give the press the pleasure of seeing it," Trump said before showing off his fabric face covering, which he said he'd briefly strapped on backstage before removing for a tour of the factory. "It was very nice. It looked very nice. They said not necessary."

It was another example of Trump shrugging off the rules in place for others that are meant to guard against the coronavirus. As he walked through the facility -- where Ford rules say everyone must wear a mask -- he was surrounded by company executives whose faces were covered.

"It's up to him," said Bill Ford, the company's chairman, when asked why Trump wasn't following his company's guidelines. Later, a company spokesman said Ford -- the great-grandson of company founder Henry Ford -- "encouraged President Trump to wear a mask when he arrived."

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[font size="8"]Reopening The Country
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The economic fallout from the Coronavirus response has been, well, to put it bluntly, not good. In fact it’s been almost as big of a disaster as the virus itself. As it wreaks havoc around the world, we’re starting to see just how fragile our economy really is. And it’s going to take an FDR style effort to repair it once the dust has been settled once and for all. But we’re all just numbers, or to use the Trump administration’s terminology, “human stock capital”. Yeah I can hear the boos on that one, but save them until we show you what that really means. What does it really mean? Well, basically we’re all walking dollar signs to the upper 1%.

President Donald Trump’s senior economic adviser, Kevin Hassett, presented a cold view of the U.S. economic system Sunday, referring to American workers as “human capital stock.”

In a Sunday interview on CNN, Hassett predicted that business would pick up again soon.

“Our human capital stock is ready to get back to work,” he said, while admitting at the same time that the nation will continue to struggle with unemployment as high as 23% this month.

The smiling Hassett seemed blithely calm about an unemployment rate “north of 20%” in May, which may be higher in June and will likely be in the double digits by November, he said.

Critics on Twitter didn’t take to Hassett’s terminology — or the fact that workers will be bringing up the caboose again while potentially risking their lives if there’s a second COVID-19 spike, which Hassett didn’t even acknowledge.

Yes and that’s the question we need to keep asking ourselves – what could go wrong? Well I know that our president isn’t taking this seriously. How do I know that? Just take a look at his Twitter feed – this was an actual tweet by the president of the United States. Oh how I wish I could say I am making this up.

If there ever was an argument for why we need education, just remember that this guy is the president of the United States! Seriously he’s President Kevin Malone. And what else could go wrong you might ask? Well let’s look at barbers, people have been using the haircut as a symbol of coronavirus freedom, but guess what? Well..

Two hairstylists who tested positive for COVID-19 may have exposed 140 customers to the virus.

The stylists worked at the same Great Clips salon location in Springfield, Missouri.

One COVID-positive stylist continued going to work despite experiencing symptoms of the virus for eight days, exposing 84 clients and seven colleagues, the Springfield-Greene County Health Department announced Friday.

A second COVID-positive stylist at the salon “potentially directly exposed” 56 more clients after working for five days while “experiencing very mild symptoms," health department officials said.

The business was legally open in accordance with Missouri’s reopening guidelines amid the coronavirus pandemic.

The stylists and their clients were wearing face coverings, a policy that was enforced by the Great Clips staff.

Holy shit! From two hairstylists to nearly 140 customers! That is, um, to put it scientifically, a shit hitting the fan level of infection. You know what else could go wrong? Well the lack of humans has wreaked havoc on the city animal population – something we may have to explore for a future Top 10 Investigates. But America’s rats, feral cats, pigeons, and other bottom feeders are going to have a rough time while Americans continue to social distance.

The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has warned of “unusual or aggressive” behavior in American rats as a consequence of more than two months of human lockdown for city-dwelling rodents who now find themselves unable to dine out on restaurant waste, street garbage and other food sources.

Last month, according to the national health body, dumpster-diving rats were observed resorting to eating their young in the wake of urban shutdowns. “Community-wide closures have led to a decrease in food available to rodents, especially in dense commercial areas,” the CDC said in recently updated rodent-control guidelines.

“Some jurisdictions have reported an increase in rodent activity as rodents search for new sources of food. Environmental health and rodent control programs may see an increase in service requests related to rodents and reports of unusual or aggressive rodent behavior.”

Elevated levels of rat aggression has been observed in New York, where there are increased reports of cannibalism and infanticide, and New Orleans, where unusual rat behavior was caught on CCTV. I turn the corner, there’s about 30 rats at the corner, feasting on something in the middle of the street,” Bourbon street tour guide Charles Marsala told CBS News...

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/25/us-city-lockdowns-rat-aggression-lack-food-waste

I can imagine that’s where this is going. But the other thing is that reopening America can be done if done properly, and that’s the narrative that governors like Newsom and Inslay are trying to convey, but it seems more people are willing to jump in the deep end than wade in the shallow end, especially since cases of CV have not gone down. Oh it’s going to get worse, so much worse. But if you do go out, consider the consequences!

Images of a jampacked pool party at Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri over the Memorial Day weekend prompted St. Louis County to issue a travel advisory and the Kansas City health director to call for self-quarantine of the revelers.

The advisory by the St. Louis County Public Health Department cited news reports of large crowds at Lake of the Ozarks, where hundreds of people were recorded squeezed closely together amid the coronavirus epidemic.

"This reckless behavior endangers countless people and risks setting us back substantially from the progress we have made in slowing the spread of COVID

The health department expressed concern in its travel advisory that people from the St. Louis area were at Lake of the Ozarks over the weekend. "Any person who has travelled and engaged in this behavior should self-quarantine for 14 days or until they receive a negative test result for COVID-19," the advisory said.

Read more: https://www.today.com/health/missouri-health-officials-call-self-quarantine-partiers-lake-ozarks-t182413?cid=sm_npd_td_tw_ma

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[font size="8"]MAGA Protestors
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There’s no question that the Coronavirus outbreak has the potential to be the biggest disaster of a generation and could have social and economic consequences that will last way until the next century, even after eradication. So naturally the masses from both sides are getting pissed and we want some answers. But there’s only one side that is taking it to the streets and protesting in mass numbers. And they’re not wearing masks. OK maybe they are wearing masks as V For Vendetta characters. Which, if you explain them the true meaning of the movie, well… they might not take it so well. So how are the MAGA protests going? Let’s take a look at my home state of California where they’re going after Gov. Newsom hard.

A major protest rally against California Governor Gavin Newsom's stay-at-home order began at the state Capitol Saturday morning, with more than 2,000 demonstrators gathered in Sacramento to demand lockdown measures be lifted.

The demonstration, called 'Liberty Fest,' has been touted by organizers as the country's largest Memorial Day weekend protest against lockdown measures put in place to limit the spread of coronavirus.

Hundreds of protesters gathered along the street across from the Capitol building before noon, some wearing t-shirts that read: "Resist. Rise. Revolt. Reopen."

Saturday's programming at the demonstration involved protesting, live music, barbecues and a tailgate party, according to The Sacramento Bee.

Reporters and officers at the scene wore masks, but most of the protesters did not, according to images shared to social media of the event. Many in attendance also failed to adhere to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC) guidelines on social distancing as they marched around the Capitol building.

Judging by their looks, I don’t think any of these men and women will be performing hunger strikes any time soon. Hey o!!! See what I did there? Of course we’re at the stage of the pandemic where we’re getting extremely restless. If you look at 1918, it was at this point where the dreaded second wave first started appearing, even as cases went down. So do you trade responsibility for freedoms? This is America, nobody wants to be responsible for anything!

The COVID-19 pandemic has transformed many bustling routines into dull days. People have been advised to stay home, avoid non-essential travel to “flatten the curve,” and ensure COVID-19 doesn’t overwhelm the healthcare system. While a small minority, some in BC feel that these measurements are oppressive. In April and May, these protestors marched the streets of Vancouver, flailing their signs and screeching for BC to reopen. This is a dangerous and egocentric response to the COVID-19 outbreak and the public health measures meant to keep people safe.

While the anti-lockdown protests may be a result of mere ignorance or misunderstanding, they have tangible, negative effects on the containment of coronavirus. Not only do they fail to consider the capacity of our healthcare system and endanger the health of others by ignoring social distancing recommendations, these protests are also providing a platform that actively encourages others to do the same.

Studies have shown that coordination amongst individuals is necessary for quarantine restrictions to take effect. While the Vancouver protest in mid-April consisted of only a few people, a video of it received over 21,000 likes on Twitter. This gives a voice to those who are already skeptical of the COVID-19 pandemic and increases confirmation bias — a rejection of any information that disagrees with the preconceived notion that COVID-19 isn’t a threat. The resultant inability to gather information objectively normalizes doubt in health officials and creates further unrest about the perceived “oppressive” measures of the government.

Concerns about government overreach during these times aren’t necessarily unfounded. However, the belief that legitimate quarantine restrictions for public safety violates citizens’ rights to freedom is a fundamental misunderstanding of how our society functions.

Just wait until that chant gets heard outside Sacramento! But the US isn’t the only country experiencing protests from the ultra far right. Of course I’ve mentioned frequently on this program that the ultra far right are the same no matter what country you visit. Remember when we used to visit other countries before the pandemic? That was nice. But let’s take a look at Spain for instance.

Thousands of people in Spain are protesting against the government's handling of the coronavirus outbreak.

The far-right Vox party urged supporters to drive through major cities without leaving their vehicles in order to maintain social distancing.

Protesters in the capital, Madrid, drove in convoy and waved Spanish flags as they called for socialist Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez to resign.

Spain imposed some of the tightest restrictions in Europe on 14 March.

It has eased restrictions in recent weeks, but Madrid and Barcelona have remained under tight lockdown due to their more severe outbreaks of Covid-19.

Both cities will begin to relax their curbs from Monday by allowing outdoor dining and gatherings of up to 10 people.

Hey MAGAs, conservatives, and Trump supporters – let me liberal ‘splain something for you – we both want the same thing! No one wants social distancing. No one wants to live in this weird, isolated world that we’ve become since the pandemic. We all want things to go back to the normal we had before the nightmare started. I want to go back to seeing movies, live shows and sports again. I want to resume traveling and touring again! But if you don’t follow the rules during the pandemic, there might not be a normal to return to! Especially if this guy gets his way!

In North Carolina, an anti-lockdown movement that has gained momentum since April took a new turn: The founder's husband said he wouldn't rule out violence to avoid coronavirus-related safety measures.

"Are we willing to kill people? Are we willing to lay our lives down? We have to say yes," Adam Smith, the husband of ReOpen NC leader and founder Ashley Smith, said in a series of videos on Friday. He deleted the videos after news outlet Raw Story began reporting on them.

"Is that violence? Is that terrorism? No, it's not terrorism," he continued. "I'm not trying to strike fear in people by saying, 'I'm going to kill you.' I'm gonna say, 'If you bring guns, I'm gonna bring guns. If you're armed with this, we're going to be armed with this.'"

ReOpen NC, a protest group that held demonstrations in five cities across the state on Monday, was formed less than two months ago, according to its social media page.

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[font size="8"]QAnon In The Senate
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Every fringe group has run candidates for office. Does it mean that they are successful in doing so? Well we finally got a Tea Party president after putting up with 10 years of their bullshit, so there is that. The latest fringe group is the Trump-worshipping cult that originated in the dark corners of the internet known as Q Anon. A conspiracy group that alleges that Trump is going to mass arrest many of his most prominent political opponents including former president Obama and Hillary Clinton. Now not only have they run a lunatic fringe candidate, they were successful in running said lunatic fringe candidate! Meet Jo Rae Perkins, who just won a very hotly contested primary in the state of Oregon. And well, she is definitely what the Q nuts look for.

Oregon Republicans nominated Albany financial adviser Jo Rae Perkins Tuesday to challenge Democratic incumbent U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley in November. Her Election Day address to voters ignited a social-media firestorm.

In a video posted on Perkins’ Twitter account, she expresses support for the QAnon conspiracy theory, which posits that a shadowy cabal of elites — often liberals — operates a global human trafficking ring, and engages in the ritualistic abuse and sacrifice of children. Many supporters claim President Donald Trump is carrying out a covert mission to break up the “deep state,” a term used to refer to the governmental portion of the “cabal,” and end the supposed trafficking ring.

“Where we go one, we go all,” Perkins says in the video, referencing a main slogan that has dominated internet forums associated with the conspiracy theory. “I stand with President Trump. I stand with ‘Q’ and the team.”

After her statements brought a wave of national attention, she appears to have retreated from her support and deleted the video from her Twitter account.

Yeah probably! The fact that a lunatic fringe cult could have someone in the US Senate is a very real and very frightening prospect. Sure there are cults both good and bad, but let’s say for this piece, that they’re mostly bad. Come on, everything from the Branch Davidians to Heaven’s Gate and now Q Anon, yeah, they’ve given us nothing but bad things.

Oregon held its primary election on Tuesday, a mostly ho-hum affair, with Joe Biden cruising to a win over Bernie Sanders in the Democratic presidential race and no incumbents facing any real tests either.

You'll notice I said that it was a "mostly" boring election, not an entirely boring election. In fact, Oregon Republicans did something very, very odd -- and potentially disastrous -- in choosing their nominee to take on Democratic Sen. Jeff Merkley in November.

What they did is nominate Jo Rae Perkins, a financial adviser and self-professed QAnon conspiracy theorist. In a video posted to Twitter following her victory, Perkins said this:

"Where we go one, we go all. I stand with President Trump. I stand with Q and the team. Thank you Anons and thank you patriots -- and together we can save our republic."

What, you ask, is QAnon? It's a broad-scale Internet-based conspiracy theory begun in early 2017 that is based on a belief that there is a high-level government official -- "Q" -- who sprinkles clues on internet message boards like 4chan and 8chan about a massive "deep state" conspiracy (or series of conspiracies) at work in the country.

Yeah so when you see a MAGA follower on Twitter spouting slogans like WW1WGA and promoting pro-Trump conspiracies, you can almost guarantee that they are an unhinged lunatic! But even Trump himself is upping the war on the conspiracy front. You can see this on Twitter where he is attempting to peg Joe Scarborough for an alleged murder that happened 19 years ago. Now do the 100,000 who have died from COVID. No conspiracy there.

Who knows these days precisely what reaction President Donald Trump expects from the world when he opens his mouth?

Always a prolific tweeter, over the past three days he’s gone off like a pack of Mentos dropped in a Diet Coke, tweeting up a foam about “Obamagate,” Joe Scarborough, Meet the Press’ mistake, the opening of his golf courses, his picks in congressional races and more. He’s even retweeted QAnon-related accounts. On Monday afternoon, Trump brought his magnifying mania to his press conference in the Rose Garden. Staged against a backdrop of four U.S. flags and a pair of posters, the event looked more like a campaign rally than a presser. “America Leads the World in Testing,” the twin posters stated, and each featured a printed U.S. flag for heraldic emphasis. It would not have been out of place had an official entered from the wings and placed a gold medal around Trump’s neck and a laurel wreath on his blondish mop.

Trump’s opening comments did not match the celebratory theatrics of the set design. Except for a single calculated line, “We have met the moment and we have prevailed,” the remarks were the usual barge-full of sloshing Trumpspeak. Not even a fireworks display could have given the moment the elevation Trump appeared to seek. When the time finally came for reporters to grill him, Trump did not field—and could not possibly have expected to have fielded—the “congratulations, great job“ queries he has said in the past that he deserves. Instead, reporters asked, as they frequently do, and should do, direct questions about making testing available to all Americans on demand, not just White House staffers.

Yeah that is some serious crazy there! But here’s the thing, to understand Q, you must… well I am not exactly going to advocate going to 4chan and becoming a member so you can explore the depths of their insanity, because you will not be able to comprehend it. But considering we have a president who loves him some conspiracy theories and an internet willing to promote them, having someone in the Senate could be a disaster. Remember the good old days when conspiracy theories were just about Bigfoot and Area 51?

The origins of QAnon are recent, but even so, separating myth from reality can be hard. One place to begin is with Edgar Maddison Welch, a deeply religious father of two, who until Sunday, December 4, 2016, had lived an unremarkable life in the small town of Salisbury, North Carolina. That morning, Welch grabbed his cellphone, a box of shotgun shells, and three loaded guns—a 9-mm AR-15 rifle, a six-shot .38‑caliber Colt revolver, and a shotgun—and hopped into his Toyota Prius. He drove 360 miles to a well-to-do neighborhood in Northwest Washington, D.C.; parked his car; put the revolver in a holster at his hip; held the AR-15 rifle across his chest; and walked through the front door of a pizzeria called Comet Ping Pong.

Comet happens to be the place where, on a Sunday afternoon two years earlier, my then-baby daughter tried her first-ever sip of water. Kids gather there with their parents and teammates after soccer games on Saturdays, and local bands perform on the weekends. In the back, children challenge their grandparents to Ping-Pong matches as they wait for their pizzas to come out of the big clay oven in the middle of the restaurant. Comet Ping Pong is a beloved spot in Washington.

That day, people noticed Welch right away. An AR-15 rifle makes for a conspicuous sash in most social settings, but especially at a place like Comet. As parents, children, and employees rushed outside, many still chewing, Welch began to move through the restaurant, at one point attempting to use a butter knife to pry open a locked door, before giving up and firing several rounds from his rifle into the lock. Behind the door was a small computer-storage closet. This was not what he was expecting.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Parallel Universes
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

One question that man kind has asked since the beginning is “are we alone in the universe?”. While the military may have recently answered that question, there are still many other questions that need to be answered. Parallel universes are a concept as old as science fiction itself – imagine an entire universe completely identical to ours, only one tiny aspect of it might have been changed, such as time or hair color, or say people’s language. But what happens when science fiction and actual science collide? We dig deeper into this story and there may be more to it than people think. Last week NASA scientists working in the Antarctic might have actually discovered that one such parallel universe may actually exist. And it has one rather bizarre trait that makes it different from ours.

Science fiction and actual science may be aligning. That’s because NASA scientists have discovered something they can’t explain any way other than that they may have found evidence of a parallel universe.

This discovery was made by the NASA-sponsored research group Antarctic Impulsive Transient Antenna, or ANITA. The group was funded for $35 million in 2003 to look for and study “ghostly particles that fill the universe,” according to NASA. The project uses a specially made balloon that “detects radio waves emitted when high-energy neutrinos interact in the Antarctic ice shelf,” NASA reported. The mission is being led by Peter W. Gorham of the University of Hawaii at Manoa in Honolulu.

According to New Scientist, the balloon, which holds antennae, would go up for a month and scan thousands of miles of antarctic air looking for high-energy particles coming down from space. After two flights over more than two years, the results only yielded brief moments of background noise but nothing else.

During the balloon’s third flight, scientists decided to look over the data from the previous flights again — specifically at the random noises it recorded. What they discovered, according to New Scientist, was something impossible. The signal wasn’t coming down from space but up from the ground.

So there is a possibility that that universe could exist! But what caused the parallel universe and what could make NASA draw that conclusion? Well it was a very well timed experiment to measure the air pressure on the south pole. But however, this parallel universe has one unique trait in that time actually runs backwards. Does this mean that we can live in a world where COVID-19 doesn’t exist?

Abed may have been onto something in Community when he said he couldn't let go of the idea of parallel timelines, some darker than others. Sure, there's an explanation to be had with Schroedinger's equation within the logic of the show and the dice roll that created those universes, but researchers believe they've found evidence of the potential for a parallel universe in high-energy particles found in Antarctica, according to New Scientist.

The researchers were perplexed by "a fountain of high-energy particles erupting from the ice" in Antarctica at NASA's Antarctic Impulsive Transient Antenna (ANITA). The phenomenon detected is "in pretty strong tension with the standard model of physics," University of Hawaii Physics and Astronomy Professor Peter Gorham said in 2018. These high-energy particles arrive from space, but cannot pass through the solid mass of the Earth. Yet, instead of detecting these particles coming from space or reflecting off the ice, ANITA has found them coming up from the ice. Low-energy neutrinos, per New Scientist, can pass through solid matter like the Earth, but that's not the case with high-energy neutrinos.

ANITA is a stratospheric balloon designed to detect cosmic-ray showers through radio-wave signals as they bounce up or down off the ice. It turns "an entire continent... into a gigantic neutrino telescope." ANITA has twice detected a "fountain" of high-energy particles coming up from the Earth's surface in years past, with the first time occurring in 2016. The rays resemble an "upside-down cosmic-ray shower," says Gorham. "What we saw is something that looked just like a cosmic ray, as seen in reflection off the ice sheet, but it wasn't reflected," he says. "It was as if the cosmic ray had come out of the ice itself. A very strange thing."

So why Antarctica? Well time there apparently moves at glacier levels, and NASA was testing to see how ice travels through space. The indication of natural water (H2O) on another planet may be an indicator of the fact that another planet out there could possibly sustain life. It’s also a place where high energy particles from space could give glimpses of life on another planet. But could life exist on another planet or is it something tangible? There are more questions than answers.

IN THE Antarctic, things happen at a glacial pace. Just ask Peter Gorham. For a month at a time, he and his colleagues would watch a giant balloon carrying a collection of antennas float high above the ice, scanning over a million square kilometres of the frozen landscape for evidence of high-energy particles arriving from space.

When the experiment returned to the ground after its first flight, it had nothing to show for itself, bar the odd flash of background noise. It was the same story after the second flight more than a year later.

While the balloon was in the sky for the third time, the researchers decided to go over the past data again, particularly those signals dismissed as noise. It was lucky they did. Examined more carefully, one signal seemed to be the signature of a high-energy particle. But it wasn’t what they were looking for. Moreover, it seemed impossible. Rather than bearing down from above, this particle was exploding out of the ground.

That strange finding was made in 2016. Since then, all sorts of suggestions rooted in known physics have been put forward to account for the perplexing signal, and all have been ruled out. What’s left is shocking in its implications. Explaining this signal requires the existence of a topsy-turvy universe created in the same big bang as our own and existing in parallel with it. In this mirror world, positive is negative, left is right and time runs backwards.

Maybe that universe exists too. So this research has been going on for the last four years. But have scientists finally been able to make a breakthrough? Could we actually be living in the possibility that parallel universes exist? If so is there a universe out there in which COVID doesn’t exist? Or a universe in which there’s a cure for COVID? Well you may be disappointed for now because that didn’t happen, or did it? The truth is out there!

Bad news first: 2020. Literally all of it. Every second. Every waking moment of 2020. It's grim, I know. Bushfires, pandemic, murder hornets. When will it end?

But the good news: Apparently, scientists have discovered a parallel universe, just like our own. It's a little different to ours though. In this mirror world, time runs backward. It's like a Benjamin Button universe. That means they're heading back to 2019, the good ol' days, right?

Well, now more bad news: I'm here to spoil the parallel universe party. Scientists haven't actually discovered a parallel universe, but you might think they have, based on multiple reports from across the web.

In the last few days a number of publications have suggested scientists "found evidence" for a parallel universe where time runs backward. These mind-bending articles posit that an experiment in Antarctica detected particles that break the laws of physics. All the reports pull from the same source of information: A pay-walled report by New Scientist on April 8 titled "We may have spotted a parallel universe going backwards in time."

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! Guess what? We are now considered an essential business! Well, in the eyes of the unholy, ungodly Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, thinks so! But guess what? He is the president of the United States, and if he says so then we should all partake no matter what the consequences are, right? Look, we all want to get back to our pre-virus lives. And I can’t think of one person sitting in our virtual pew who doesn’t think that. We all had plans before the Great Pandemic shut them down. And I can’t wait to see you all in the flesh again. But that’s not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want right now is it? No, he would want us to be alive through this so he can see us all in eternity!!!

Gov. Gavin Newsom and California health officials on Monday released guidelines for places of worship to reopen amid the coronavirus pandemic, while “strongly” recommending that churches continue to hold services remotely.

The state in the morning shared a 13-page document that contains rules, regulations and recommendations that places of worship should abide by once they are cleared by their counties’ health departments to resume in-person services.

For at least the first 21 days after each county revises its public health order to allow church activity to resume, the state is requiring that places of worship “limit attendance to 25 percent of building capacity or a maximum of 100 attendees, whichever is lower.” After those three weeks, the state and county public health departments will consult and review the effect of this limit and reassess.

Aside from the occupancy limit and several sanitation rules, the document largely lacks strict requirements and instead includes dozens of strong recommendations for church staff and congregants.

Oh come on what’s the fun of church when you have things like regulations and social distancing to put up with? Yeah sure, the threat of the virus still lingers and as long as it does we are all sitting ducks for this thing. And what will a socially distant church look like? Or will it look like the way GAWD and JAYSUS intended? With a huge crowd and everyone singing and dancing like we’re in the Blues Brothers? I am guessing more the former than the latter.

The rush to reopen churches has become the latest front in the coronavirus culture wars.

President Donald Trump has declared places of worship "essential" during the pandemic and said he'd override governors if they didn't allow in-person services. Analysts have countered he doesn't have the constitutional authority to do that.

But long before Trump ordered churches reopened -- and long after how this battle plays out politically -- some ministers and congregations have and will likely continue to defy state mandates. Because for many of them, the reasons go beyond partisan politics.

For the most part, American mosques and temples have not wrestled with the question of whether to hold services or not.
But for many Christian churches, the issue goes straight to what they view as their constitutional right to free exercise of religion.

If restaurants and shopping malls are allowed to reopen under certain safety protocols, the argument goes, then churches should be too.

I do now see the light oh LAWRD!!! Because now that churches are essential business, that means that I can go take my show back on the road right? But there’s a smart way to open and there’s also a ridiculously dumb way to open. Just look at Minnesota where they can reopen but the question remains – should they reopen? Things will look very different if they do.

Many Minnesota religious leaders remain wary of reopening their doors to congregants amid the coronavirus outbreak, despite a new order from Gov. Tim Walz that allows services to resume under special pandemic precautions.

Walz responded to pressure from the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis and other religious groups Saturday in allowing places of worship to reopen at 25% of normal seating capacity, effective just before midnight Tuesday. Archbishop Bernard Hebda lauded the move as a "breakthrough" that will allow Catholic services to resume Wednesday.

Other religious leaders, and the mayors of both St. Paul and Minneapolis, say the risks in resuming religious services are still great, especially to vulnerable populations.

"It is irresponsible to be inviting people right now to worship within the walls of our congregation's building," the Rev. Timothy Hart-Andersen, senior pastor at Westminster Presbyterian Church in downtown Minneapolis, wrote in an e-mail.

The 42 rabbis of the Minnesota Rabbinical Association were unanimous in saying they will not yet gather or open their religious facilities for regular activity, because it's safer to keep worshiping at home since "the peak of COVID-19 has yet to come."

Yes, et cetera, et cetera! Look, we all can’t wait to get back to normal life because I’m sure that’s what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would have intended! I can’t wait to take my show on the road again for you all! But of course leave it to the unholy, ungodly DARK ONE, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, to screw things up. Because boy did he screw this one up badly!

This comes amid pressure to allow in-person religious services from protesters and President Trump, who are demanding that governors take action immediately.

But while some believe not allowing places of worship to reopen is a violation of First Amendment rights, others like Taylor disagree.

“I don’t want to rush back just to say we can rush back. I know a lot of people are saying I have the right to do what I want, I have the right to not wear a mask and you know I have rights to all of these things," he said. "I’m less concerned about my rights and more concerned about being a good neighbor. I don’t want to open up a church or anything just because I have the right. I want it to be healthy for all.”

Taylor attends Our Father's House of Worship in Spring Valley. His Pastor, Joshua Rios, is spreading messages of faith in new ways during the stay-at-home order. Using online platforms, like Facebook and YouTube, Rios is staying connected to his church family during COVID-19.

He wants churches, mosques, and synagogues to reopen so that those who wish to gather can do so.

However, it must be done with health and safety in mind.

I have seen the light too! Of course I am a pastor. But religious and godly people, your religious rights are not being tramped on in this bizarre time we are living. You just don’t need a building to gather in until they are done. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]What’s Up With China: Hong Kong Protests
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It’s time to ask “What’s Up With China?”. And there’s a lot that’s up. The country that the entire world is pegging responsible for the coronavirus is up to its’ usual old bag of tricks. Folks I don’t need to remind you about the dire straits that the entire world is in right now with no foreseeable end to the pandemic anytime soon. But if you think things are bad here, it’s nothing compared to what is going on in China. Well last year as you know, Hong Kong separatists threatened to secede from mainland China over the rule of their supreme leader Xi Jianping. Well, the coronavirus forced most of China’s Hong Kong protestors back in their homes and underground. So how are the Chinese and in particular Hong Kong getting around these strict new security measures?

The world is now at war with the coronavirus. Nations all around the world have resorted to using digital surveillance to fight the pandemic, but this might require members of society to give up several rights. Is the world ready to embrace this new norm?

States have been trying to increase control over society through information technologies. This development, however, is limited by the legal systems of many nations that require human rights
to be respected. Nevertheless, states often shift balance between rights of people and security in favour of the latter.

This process is developing very slowly and has somewhat changed over the course of the past decade.
The pandemic has led to serious measures by governments to control a sufficiently large group of people or a whole country by using technology. In some places, personal gadgets such as smartphones are used to track movements. For instance, Taiwan is using a mobile phone-based technology that notifies authorities when a person under quarantine has left their residence or has turned off his or her telephone. Similar practices are being used in Hong Kong, South Korea, Singapore, Israel and other countries. Though this technology could be used to fight the virus, at the same time it could be used for political gain or even total surveillance.

Tracking technology may be used to reduce and finally break the chain of infection. It has worked well in two of the initially most-affected nations, China and South Korea.

While we’re watching the horror of the possibility of a police state unfolding in Hong Kong, don’t think for a minute that it can’t happen here. So how is China getting around such extreme measures? By the way of VPNs! The VPN is of course one of the most commonly used hacking tools known to man and it doesn’t take a super genius to be able to figure out how to use one. This could get very ugly very quickly.

VPN downloads in Hong Kong have soared following the news that China will propose a new national security law that will give it even greater control over the city.

NordVPN, Surfshark and ProtonVPN are just a few of the VPN providers whose apps are quickly moving up the charts in the top free apps section in the Google Play Store in Hong Kong.

Unlike in China where residents rely on VPN services to get around the country's Great Firewall, Hong Kong currently maintains an open internet with few restrictions on free speech online. Many foreign social networks and services including Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and more that are blocked in China are legal in Hong Kong, though residents fear they may not be for long.

China's new national security law is expected to pass when the country's parliament holds its annual meeting from May 22 to May 28. Privacy advocates are concerned that the law could lead to increased surveillance and censorship in Hong Kong, hence the rush by residents to download VPNs.

Yeah how do you get answers? And how do you even know what they want? In the quest for absolute power, the only country that is reigning supreme on this is of course our good friends in China. They’re Trump’s very fine people on both sides, don’t you know? Oh wait, wrong rally. But there is some good news is that the Hong Kong protestors vow to keep on protesting because they need all the help they can get right now.

After a months-long break due to the coronavirus pandemic, tear gas returned to the streets of central Hong Kong Sunday, as police clashed with protesters over a proposed national security law.

Sunday's march was the first opportunity many Hong Kongers had to respond to the revelation last week that China's National People's Congress (NPC) -- the country's rubber-stamp parliament -- will bypass Hong Kong's legislature to impose sweeping anti-sedition laws that could drastically undermine civil liberties in the semi-autonomous city.

From the get go, however, it was clear the authorities had no intention of tolerating the protest, which had not received police permission. As crowds gathered in the Causeway Bay shopping district, they were met by an exceptionally large police presence and warnings that any protest would be in violation of both the city's public order laws and coronavirus social distancing measures.

Hong Kong police were roundly criticized over their heavy-handed tactics last year, including most recently by a former member of a government-sponsored panel looking into the protests. On Sunday it was not just the force police used -- tear gas, baton charges, and water cannon against unarmed, mostly peaceful protesters -- but also the speed at which they deployed it. The first round of tear gas was fired within 25 minutes of the proposed start time for the march.

Oh come on people stop rabbling! Hey look the masses are getting restless! But here’s the thing, as I keep saying on this program, we are the human race and we don’t like being told what to do. And how do you police in an increasingly authoritarian state when people want their freedoms? And we also want to be free of this wretched virus. Well, strap in because things are going to get extremely ugly in the next couple of years. I wouldn’t want to be Hong Kong right now!

Taiwan will provide the people of Hong Kong with “necessary assistance”, President Tsai Ing-wen has said, after a resurgence in protests in the Chinese-ruled territory against newly proposed national security legislation from Beijing.

Taiwan has become a refuge for a small but growing number of pro-democracy protesters fleeing Hong Kong, which has been convulsed since last year by protests.

Hong Kong police fired tear gas and water cannon to disperse thousands of people who rallied on Sunday to protest against Beijing’s plan to impose national security laws on the city.

Writing on her Facebook page late on Sunday, Tsai said the proposed legislation was a serious threat to Hong Kong’s freedoms and judicial independence.

Bullets and repression are not the way to deal with the aspirations of Hong Kong’s people for freedom and democracy, she added.

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner: 5Gs To Freedom
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Welcome back to the segment where we read people’s minds and attempt to debunk the latest in batshit crazy, Conspiracy Corner! Just allow me to adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference… OK good! Just got to check outside to make sure there’s no Illuminati owned black helicopters circling overhead. We’re good to go! Hey look people, I don’t know how much clearer I can say this. STOP DESTROYING 5G CELL PHONE TOWERS! They are here for your communication benefits, not to give you coronavirus! Where is this shit coming from? But the thing is if we attempt to trace the origins of the latest batshit crazy theory to emerge from the darkest corners of the internet, it might melt your brain! But that’s where we come in!

About 1 in 5 adults in England believe the coronavirus is to some extent a hoax, according to research on conspiracy theories by the University of Oxford.

In addition, researchers found nearly 3 out of 5 adults in England believe the government is misleading them to some extent about the cause of the virus, and nearly 1 in 10 strongly agree that China developed the coronavirus to destroy the West — which is utterly false.

"A disconcertingly high number of adults in England do not agree with the scientific and governmental consensus on the coronavirus pandemic," the researchers found.

The research was based on surveys of 2,500 adults earlier this month and published in the journal, Psychological Medicine.

Lead researcher and psychology professor Daniel Freeman said the pandemic has the necessary ingredients to fuel conspiracy theories, including sustained threat and enforced change. He added that those who believe conspiracy theories are less likely to follow government guidance designed to save lives.

Yeah so look I get it, we all want answers into why the Coronavirus has grounded society to a halt and turned our lives upside down and inside out. But destruction of property definitely isn’t what we need right now. Especially when it’s something that’s designed to, I don’t know, make our lives easer? But the relentless destruction of 5G cell phone towers isn’t the only side effect of stupid when it comes to coronavirus conspiracy theories. Yeah the virus is here to stay until we find a vaccine, but so is 5G.

In the 1970s, the bogeyman was power lines. Low-frequency electromagnetic fields were emanating from them all the time, and a shocking 1979 study suggested that children who developed cancer lived near power lines “unduly often.” Around the same time, because of Cold War panic about radiation in general, televisions and microwave ovens also became a possible human health catastrophe. Later, concern bubbled up around a slew of other household appliances, including hair dryers and electric blankets.

Now the advance of cellphones and, more recently, the new high-speed networks built to serve them have given rise to a paranoid coalition who believe to varying degrees in a massive cover-up of deleterious harm. The devices are different, but the fears are the same: The radiation from the things we use every single day is destroying us; our modern world is a colossal mistake. The stakes are about as high as they could possibly be: If it were true that our cellphones were causing brain tumors, that our wireless devices were damaging our DNA, and that radiation emanating from cell towers was sickening us in any untold number of ways, this would be the greatest human health disaster the world has ever known. As well as, perhaps, its greatest capitalist conspiracy.

It’s too big to be true. The science is confusing, but the World Health Organization, noting decades of research, has found no significant health risks from low-level electromagnetic fields. Yet amid a broader tech backlash—against screens, against social media, against power consolidating in a handful of companies, against a technology industry that rolls out new products and protocols faster than we can keep up or argue with, against the general fatigue and malaise associated with a life spent typing and scrolling—it’s just big enough to seem, to many, like the obvious explanation for so much being wrong.

A wildly disorienting pandemic coming at the same time as the global rollout of 5G—the newest technology standard for wireless networks—has only made matters worse. “5G launched in CHINA. Nov 1, 2019. People dropped dead,” the singer Keri Hilson wrote in a now-deleted tweet to her 4.2 million followers in March. As the coronavirus spread throughout Europe, fears about 5G appear to have animated a rash of vandalism and arson of mobile infrastructure, including more than 30 incidents in the U.K. in just the first 10 days of April. In the case of one arson attack in the Netherlands, the words “Fuck 5G” were reportedly found scrawled at the scene. Mobile- and broadband-infrastructure workers have also reported harassment and threats from deluded citizens: A recent Wired UK report detailed an instance in which a London network engineer was spit on; he later contracted an illness that was suspected to be the coronavirus.

Ah!!! Of course I should have known that it was Infowars behind this! However, the Coronavirus isn’t the only thing that’s crossed international waters in the last few months. You know what else has? Rampant, unwavering stupidity! You know one of the bigger threats to humanity right now that isn’t the coronavirus? It’s rampant online disinformation and extremist stupidity! Verizon and AT&T had better be having some maximum security around their towers in the next few months because it’s gonna get weird.

What started as a bizarre and bogus conspiracy theory involving the novel coronavirus in Britain has apparently crossed the Atlantic Ocean, U.S. law enforcement officials believe, and they are now increasingly worried about the possibility for real-world violence.

“We assess conspiracy theories linking the spread of COVID-19 to the expansion of the 5G cellular network are inciting attacks against the communications infrastructure globally and that these threats probably will increase as the disease continues to spread, including calls for violence against telecommunications workers,” the U.S. Department of Homeland Security reported Wednesday in an intelligence report obtained by ABC News.

“Violent extremists have drawn from misinformation campaigns online that claim wireless infrastructure is deleterious to human health and helps spread COVID-19, resulting in a global effort by like-minded individuals to share operational guidance and justification for conducting attacks against 5G infrastructure, some of which have already prompted arson and physical attacks against cell towers in several US states,” the report concluded.

The assessment was followed on Thursday by a joint intelligence bulletin issued by the FBI, DHS and the National Counterterrorism Center. Both documents were distributed to senior federal officials and law enforcement agencies around the country.

And by the way let’s examine for a minute that a major pandemic happens about once every 40 – 50 years in our society that changes the way we do things. Coronavirus is just the latest in a long string of 20th and 21st century pandemics including polio, the Spanish Flu, and HIV. And when a pandemic like this hits, you can bet that conspiracy theories are sure to follow! But if we unmask the situation, who’s responsible for this? Is it China? No, it could be Russia! And they would have got away with it too if not for those meddling kids!

As the Covid-19 pandemic swept the globe in early 2020, a conspiracy theory about the disease went viral on social media: The genesis of the illness, proponents claim, was not the coronavirus SARS-CoV-2. Instead, this pandemic was actually caused by the introduction of 5G broadband, and radiation from cell towers equipped with the technology is the real culprit.

It doesn’t take Dr. Fauci to know that conspiracy theories have always been a predictable symptom of pandemics. More than a century ago, the truthers of the day tried to blame a deadly influenza outbreak on a similar technological innovation.

On January 31, 1890, the European edition of the New York Herald ran an item suggesting that the electric light was somehow responsible for a global influenza outbreak. After all, “the disease has raged chiefly in towns where the electric light is in common use,” the article noted, and went on to note that the disease “has everywhere attacked telegraph employees.”

The illness in question was the first modern influenza pandemic, known as the Russian flu or “La Grippe.” The disease likely emerged somewhere in the Russian Empire in 1889 and quickly spread around the world in successive waves. It took only four months to hit every part of the globe, with the United States seeing its peak in January 1890. More than a million people (of the 1.5 billion on earth) were killed worldwide in that first wave.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink: Varisty Blues Update
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Hey everyone it’s our last Top 10 of Season 8 and I could really use a drink!


So of course you know by now that the idea behind this segment is that we get drunk and while we get drunk we talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. And also as of lately, the coronavirus. But since the coronavirus has taken away my set, my bartender, my audience, and my wait staff, we’re forced to sit here and drink alone, which makes this segment way less funny. So tell me virtual bartender, what goes well with a story about college admissions scandals? Oh come on, a 40 ouncer of Mickeys? Ah whatever, I’ll just take my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. But we got to talk about this College Admissions thing, otherwise known as Operation Varsity Blues. I don’t want your life!!!

Lori Loughlin and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, both pleaded guilty to conspiracy charges related to their involvement in the “Operation Varsity Blues” college-admissions scandal Friday, May 22. On May 21, the Full House actress agreed to two months in prison, a $150,000 fine, and will have two years of supervised release with 100 hours of community service. Her husband, a fashion designer, will serve five months in prison, pay a $250,000 fine, and face two years of supervised release with 250 hours of community service, ABC News reports via the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the District of Massachusetts. Loughlin and Giannulli entered their guilty pleas, for conspiracy to commit wire fraud and mail fraud and honest-services wire and mail fraud, respectively, over Zoom. Due to the coronavirus pandemic, all sentencing hearings have been delayed for 30 days, landing theirs on August 21, 2020, per Deadline.

The couple is accused of “donating” $500,000 to William Singer, the operation’s central target, in order to get their daughter, influencer Olivia Jade, into USC. Loughlin and Giannulli are the 23rd and 24th suspects to plead guilty in the case, after initially fighting it, and more recently, filing to dismiss the charges. Last year, actress Felicity Huffman pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest-services mail fraud in order to get her daughter a higher SAT score and served 11 days out of her 14-day sentence, regaining her freedom in October 2019. Now, it’s Aunt Becky’s turn. 2020 really has us asking: What ever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, beloved TV aunts not going to jail?

Yeah probably! So here’s the thing – only in America could you be uber rich and expect to get only a slap on the wrist when you commit something so heinous. Of course, October 2019 was a much simpler time before the coronavirus came along and destroyed our entire society as we know it. But some good news is that the people behind the insane scandal known as Operation Varsity Blues will get what is coming to them!

The day of reckoning that many speculated would eventually come has finally arrived: Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli have agreed to plea guilty for their involvement in the 2019 college admissions scandal known as Operation Varsity Blues.

According to the U.S. Attorney's Office in Massachusetts, the couple that initially plead not guilty—and continued to dodge plea deals while not publicly expressing any remorse—has finally plead guilty to conspiracy charges, which totaled up to 20 years of prison. After pleading guilty to one count of conspiracy to commit wire and mail fraud, Loughlin received a two-month prison sentence, and after Giannulli plead guilty to one count of conspiracy to commit wire and mail fraud and honest services wire and mail fraud, he received a five-month prison sentence. The Full House actress is also receiving a $150,000 fine and 100 hours of community service, while her fashion designer husband will be fined $250,000 and 250 hours of community service. Both will face two years of supervised release after imprisonment.

Last year, they were accused of bribing a coach with $500,000 to get their daughters—beauty vlogger Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose Giannulli—into the University of Southern California. A fake athletic profile and a photo of their daughters posing as medal-winning crew team members was considered to be the smoking gun for their part in the nation-wide college entrance cheating scam.

The Giannullis weren't the only wealthy celebrity parents implemented in the scandal—Felicity Huffman allegedly spent $15,000 to pay someone to pretend to be her daughter so that they could take the SAT for her, and get her into college. After being charged with conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest services fraud, Huffman plead guilty and was sentenced to 14 days in jail, a $30,000 fine, a year of supervised release, and 250 hours of community service. She only ended up serving 12 days in jail, and was released early in October 2019.

We’re gonna need a bigger wine glass! Of course I can’t wait to get out of this socially distant void and start drinking in public again. However, if you’re keeping score at home, you know 2020 threw us all into a loop with the coronavirus outbreak, and you might be wondering how can a rich woman like Lori Laughlin serve jail time? Well at least the judges have more common sense than the people behind this scandal do!

Two USC parents in the college admissions case who requested that their prison sentences be converted to home confinement due to concerns over the spread of the coronavirus were denied in court Thursday after the court found they did not meet requirements for the modification.

Douglas Hodge and Michelle Janavs submitted motions last week alleging that their sentences for their roles in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal would pose a threat to their health in light of the increased contagion reported in federal prisons during the coronavirus pandemic. Janavs cited preexisting health conditions that would further increase the severity of her symptoms should she contract the virus. She quoted figures from the Bureau of Prisons showing increasing numbers of coronavirus cases in federal prisons, while Hodge stated that his age, 62 years, elevated his vulnerability to the virus.

In the order filed Thursday, the court acknowledged the defendants’ concerns of endangerment but stated that they had not yet exhausted all other means of modifying their sentences. Hodge and Janavs would not meet conditions for consideration of a sentence reduction regardless, the government argued in an opposition entered Tuesday, citing Janavs’ presentence physicals indicating good physical health and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidelines about at-risk populations.

“Their motions should be denied for the separate reason that they cannot establish ‘extraordinary and compelling circumstances’ that would justify reduced sentences,” the opposition read. “BOP has instituted substantial policies and procedures to manage the pandemic and prevent the spread of infection.”

So let that be a lesson to all you would-be scammers out there! Coronavirus does not exempt you from having to serve real jail! And come on, actresses and heiresses to the Hot Pocket fortune don’t get special treatment! Hey you know what would be really good with this drinking right now? Some Hot Pockets!

Hot Pockets heiress Michelle Janavs, ensnared in the sweeping college-admissions scandal, had her prison sentence — set to begin next week — delayed due to the coronavirus outbreak.

Janavs, sentenced to five months behind bars for paying a fixer to get her daughters into the University of Southern California, had been ordered to surrender on Thursday but now may remain free until at least June 30, according to U.S. District Judge Nathaniel Gorton.

But the judge ruled against Janavs' bid to have her entire sentence served under house arrest.

"The COVID-19 pandemic is an unprecedented and continually evolving cause of concern and the Court is cognizant of the particular transmission risk in penitentiary facilities," Gorton wrote in a ruling handed down Thursday.

However, "this judge will not forfeit his obligation to impose a sentence that is warranted by a defendant's criminal conduct.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Stupidest State Round 4: The Finals
[br] [/font]

Welcome back to the Stupidest State Championship! Yes, we managed to wade through the 2020 Stupidest State Season through the worst pandemic in an entire century! Next year we hope to bring you Stupidest State in our typical grand fashion. But it’s not about us. It’s about the States. Now let’s focus on the states that made it here. Last week, Michigan stopped underdog Idaho’s epic run to secure their first Flyover League title in franchise history. Over in the Layover League, Florida shocked the pundits and routed last year’s champion Alabama to advance to their second NFFSA title fight! We’re at the brand new Banc Of California Stadium for the action!

[font size="4"]Stupidest State: The Finals: Michigan Vs Florida[/font]

[font size="4"]Michigan:[/font]

So last week Michigan managed to stop Idaho’s epic run in their tracks. The only thing standing in their way is Florida. While the rest of the world stares in sheer horror at the lockdown protests going on in Michigan, what is it looking like as the state is slowly reopening? Here’s the thing. Michigan says that if people behave, the state will reopen. But the other thing is that people aren’t behaving, in any way, shape or form. What’s it going to look like when the state reopens? Well it is going to look much differently than it is right now.

TRAVERSE CITY, MI – A little boy with a mask around his neck scurried toward a storefront Friday afternoon in downtown Traverse City.

"Mask!" his mother yelled, from behind.

He paused. He raised the black mask over his face. And then ran into the store.

Up the street, a woman walked into the Cherry Republic store to an unfamiliar sight.

Instead of the smattering of cherry-themed free samples, ice cream cones and wine tasting, customers were greeted with a table of hand sanitizer, gloves and an employee making sure people wore masks.

The woman stepped back and took a photo. She wanted to chronicle this piece of "the year we'd like to all forget," she told the employee.

Of course that’s a perfect world but we are the human race, and we don’t like being told what to do even if a highly contagious virus is spreading across the entire planet and ravaging everything that it comes across! Let’s pull back the curtains and find out what life is really like in some of these parts that aren’t exactly playing to the rules.

At 12:01 a.m. Friday, bars and restaurants in parts of northern Michigan were allowed to welcome guests inside for the first time in more than two months.

By 12:15, some 20 customers were already drinking at the Kal-Ho Lounge, a longtime shot-and-beer bar in the village of Kalkaska.

"Normally for Memorial Day, it's a slow weekend for us," said Kal-Ho owner Rob Schwartz, who has run the century-old bar since 2004 with his girlfriend, Kathy Sanborn, and eight employees. Before COVID-19 hit, the Kal-Ho was open 365 days a year.

"We've gotten a lot of calls," Sanborn said. "Even people as far as Indiana asking if we're going to be open (this weekend)."

Yeah so people are naturally saying “fuck it” to the COVID stay at home orders and doing their own thing, but it’s obviously having an effect on the governor. Wanna make it another month guys? Keep showing up at the Capitol armed with machine guns and making threats outloud. That kind of thing is going to get you nowhere!

Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer has extended Michigan’s stay-at-home order until June 12 and the state of emergency until June 19.

The stay-at-home order continues the closure of public places such as theaters, gyms and casinos to limit the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19). Both executive orders were previously set to expire after May 28.

The Michigan Court of Claims ruled Thursday that Whitmer has the authority to keep the state under a state of emergency without legislative approval. Republican legislators sued Whitmer after she extended the state of emergency and stay-at-home orders without their approval.

Friday’s announcement comes on the day when restaurants, bars and retail are allowed to reopen at 50% capacity in the Upper Peninsula and northern Lower Peninsula.

[font size="4"]Florida:[/font]

Last year, Florida got trounced by Alabama in the second round early. This year they’re back and seeking revenge! How is Florida dealing with all the madness? Well of course they’re dealing with it in the most Florida way possible. Here’s the thing – as I said humans, especially Americans, don’t like being told what to do. And we’re certainly not going to let something like COVID get in the way of us having fun, even in America’s most penis shaped state.

Joe Cirulli has spent thousands of dollars in enhanced cleaning and sanitation practices for his chain of Florida gyms.

Cirulli, the founder of Gainesville Health and Fitness, said he’s spent the last two and a half months since his business closed due to the coronavirus outbreak researching and preparing to meet, and go beyond, rigorous health standards implemented by the state when it lifted its statewide gym closure on Monday, he said.

He ordered gallons of electrostatic cleaning supply to spray workout equipment daily, enough hand sanitizer and wipes to place throughout the entire gym and installed ultraviolet lighting in the air-conditioning systems to filter out additional bacteria, although health experts say UV lighting should not be used on people’s skin.

“We ordered everything, everything,” Cirulli said. “I don’t know how much more we can do, especially when the guy working on the air conditioning system told me if we do one more thing, we’ll be able to do surgery inside our clubs.”

Yeah and Florida Man has been showing his true colors lately! I could go on and on about his achievements – both good and bad. Restrictions and social distancing be damned, people need to get their beach fix on! Sure everyone wants to get outside and see people and this virus has put a temporary stop to that. So who cares? Beach, yo!!!

Hundreds of people gathered at a popular Florida beach boardwalk and were seen partying and dancing despite social distancing restrictions imposed by the state to combat the coronavirus pandemic, authorities said Sunday.

Police responded, attempting to disperse the crowds along a beachside road in Daytona Beach that were there for an annual gathering that was not authorized by the local government this year.

Some fights broke out during the afternoon and police said a shooting also was reported outside a nearby convenience store, with two people taken to the hospital with gunshot wounds and four injured by shrapnel. Officers were not involved in the shooting.

“We got slammed. Disney is closed, Universal is closed. Everything is closed so where did everybody come with the first warm day with 50% opening? Everybody came to the beach,” Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood said at a Sunday news conference.

Overcrowded beaches and a shooting! Of course if you can’t go to Disneyworld then the beach is obviously your next option in Northern Florida. But in case you’re wondering if Florida can’t get any dumber than they already are, here’s how stunningly stupid Florida is. Northern Florida invaded Southern Florida as part of a ridiculously stupid plan. I mean… just…. Ah!!!!!! Guess we’re going right back to where we started!

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Massive crowds involving people from around the state converged on Daytona Beach on Saturday as part of what authorities think was a Memorial Day social media event that led to bridge closures and a lockdown.

The event, called "Orlando Invades Daytona," drew thousands to "the world's most famous beach," people spilled into the streets, making their way into the middle of State Road A1A and forcing the closure of the Ocean Walk area and some eastbound bridges.

"We were invaded by Miami, Tampa, Jacksonville, and Orlando,” Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood said.

Helicopter video from the Volusia County Sheriff's Office showed a person waving money. Chitwood thinks the person was making a music video.

Officers described people climbing on cars, others throwing cash as massive crowds shut down some heavily-trafficked routes.

When asked to disperse, police said crowds were compliant.

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!! Florida is our 2020 Stupidest State! With a final score of 18, Florida sinks Michigan to advance to their second title! Final score – 108 – 90! Michigan, you put up a great run but you are no match for the almighty Florida! Cut that net guys, you earned it!

[font size="4"]Trophy Presentation & Statement From The Commissioner:[/font]

Congratulations to Florida! They are the winners of this year’s 2020 NFFSA Stupidest State finals! I know this year the virus turned our world completely upside down and we almost weren’t able to hold this contest this year. But we did it, and we will be back next year in hopefully the grand fashion that you’ve come to expect from the NFFSA! Florida you have earned this one and you are a shining example of conservative idiocy! Now let’s sing that song we all know and love!

[font size="4"]Locker Room Celebration:[/font]

[font size="4"]And now this: :[/font]
[font size="4"]King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard:[/font]

Folks, since we can’t have a live band to close out this season, we instead are going to have the next best thing! And now performing an excerpt from their brand new live album “Chunky Shranel”, give it up for King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard!

Season 8 is done everybody! We made it through the first part of the Coronavirus pandemic and I want to thank my staff, my crew, the fans for everything! We wouldn’t have made it 8 seasons and nearly 5 years without you! Season 9 starts June 17th with hopefully a limited run at our new home in Burbank and we will be documenting Joe Biden’s road to victory! See you in two weeks!


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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-19: Nobody Cared Who I Was Until I Put On The Mask Edition (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots May 2020 OP
Alliepoo May 2020 #1
malaise May 2020 #2

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2020, 05:48 PM

1. Whew!! A lot to read! I'm bookmarking

So I can come back and read the rest!!

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Wed May 27, 2020, 06:13 PM

2. Back on the nose of 5.00pm - as usual

K & R


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