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Wed May 13, 2020, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-17: Drop It Like Your Blood Clots Edition (#200!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-17: Drop It Like Your Blood Clots Edition (#200!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This is our 200th show everybody! And unfortunately I won’t get to have the live audience spectacular that my staff and my crew so richly deserve. But we will get through this and when we get to #250 next year then we will go all out assuming that this wretched virus is gone. But also this is not the way that I wanted to start, but we’re going to the late, great Mr. Jerry Stiller! Of course you know him as the father of actor Ben Stiller who has starred in such movies as Tropic Thunder and Dodgeball. But to me, one of my favorite TV shows has always been Seinfeld. And Frank Costanza, the father of George Costanza, was arguably one of the funniest characters on the entire series of Seinfeld. Not to mention the way he interacted with George’s mom, the equally funny Estelle Harris, and that was magic. So this week we will be paying tribute to Mr. Stiller throughout this edition with some of Frank Costanza’s best moments. Whether it was him giving a tour of a restroom, or him fighting an unhinged Elaine at the police station, or him screaming at Morty Seinfeld about taking up residency at the new Florida condo Del Boca Vista, we’ll always remember Frank Costanza. Oh and there was also my favorite moment, the infamous “Feats Of Strength” which happened during the celebration of Festivus in “The Strike”. So throughout this edition, we will be paying tribute to the late, great Jerry Stiller. OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he delves into the extremely dire situation that the USPS is in thanks to the shithead virus and our equally shithead president:

At least for our 200th show, we won’t bog you down or bum you out with all the news surrounding the shithead virus that’s been impacting our live and taking a toll on us mentally, physically, and emotionally. Well in the first slot this week is of course the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump (1) and well, as the old saying goes, “he who denied it, supplied it”. Taking the second slot this week, is also Donald Trump (2). He managed to escape the tepid boredom of being at the White House all day, went to Arizona, and it was quite the shit show. At slot #3, is our old buddy Jacob Wohl (3). Yes he is back and his latest attempt to pay someone to scream sexual harassment, backfired on him big time. Taking the fourth slot this week is an all new “We’re All Gonna Die” (4). And if you think that the coronavirus is bad, wait until you see the killer hornets that Asia has sent our way! Can we have a doover on 2020 please? In the fifth slot this week is a new Top 10 Investigates (5) and what exactly happened in Mississippi? It turns out that a state audit has uncovered some huge money being spent very foolishly. Taking the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and is COVID taking a huge dump on your religious rights? Our resident pastor is here to tell you the easy answer to that question – “no”. In the seventh slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” – it is really time to put to rest the rumors surrounding Joe Biden and Tara Reade, because well, the more you argue about it, the more foolish you look. At slot #8 this week is the return of the segment where we dissect the latest in the world of batshit crazy, and that is “Conspiracy Corner” (8). Was Trump justified in his firing of disgraced FBI director James Comey? Quick! To the Q Mobile! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is an all new People Are Dumb (9) and the pandemic hasn’t stopped people from being stupid! Finally this week, Stupidest State Round 2 draws to a close as the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference championship puts #1 Michigan against red hot #4 Nebraska! And to top it off, we’re going to celebrate our 200th edition with the new Rolling Stones song, appropriately titled “Living In A Ghost Town”! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Hey Trump! Remember that thing you said was a hoax and that it would just blow over by February and that we’d all get back to normal and live the lives we were supposed to be living? Well guess what? Not only is it very real, it’s killed 81,000 to date (in republican numbers, that’s 25,250 Benghazis). It is living and breathing inside that government owned building that you’ve claimed as your residence, and it’s infected your staff! And it’s probably infected you too, you just don’t know it yet. But how did we get here? Well they keep denying it, downplaying it and blaming it on somebody else, because that’s how the “take no responsibility” party rolls. As the saying goes from my grade school years, he who denied it, supplied it!

On the night of Saturday, May 9, President Donald Trump tweeted five Fox News clips: One from Sean Hannity’s Hannity, two from Jeanine Pirro’s Justice With Judge Jeanine, and two from Jesse Watters’ Watters’ World.

All of the clips were about a supposed “coup d’état,” as the Fox anchors called it, committed by the Obama administration during the lead-up to the 2016 presidential election. "Obamagate, that's the subject of tonight's 'Watters Words'" segment, Watters said. "The Obama people got caught this week and it looks like it goes straight to the top."

But just what is Obamagate?

Although the #Obamagate hashtag has been popular across all major platforms, it has also elicited confusion from people not tapped into the inscrutable narratives of Trump’s fervent online base.

And the president did little to clear up the confusion in a press conference on Monday afternoon: "Obamagate, it's been going on for a long time, it's been going on from before I even got elected,” the president said. Asked specifically what crime he was accusing Obama of, the president declined to answer. "You know what the crime is. The crime is very obvious to

Remember not even last week when Vice President Jared Kushner said that by July this country would be rocking? Well, this is more like “drop it like your blood clots”. So the Coronavirus has officially come to the White House. But who’s got it? And what could happen? And why was Trump allowed to go to Arizona last week? So many questions and not enough answers!

Over one dozen people in the White House have tested positive for the coronavirus within the last week — and many of them are thought to have come into contact with President Trump and Vice President Mike Pence.

The slew of new cases has prompted the White House to crack down on their coronavirus policies. From the beginning, Trump and his administration have been criticized for failing to maintain social distancing guidelines and not wearing face masks in public.

But now, President Trump has ordered the use of face masks within the West Wing. Secret Service agents have been reportedly told to cover their faces when they come in contact with the president, even though Trump himself refuses to wear one.

Additionally, Trump and Pence are reportedly maintaining their distance from one another in order to lower the risk of exposure.

Hey you know what? Let’s expand this a bit. Yeah Trump and Pence are maintaining their distance because Trump’s probably got it! And I wouldn’t be surprised if Pence had it either. Shit, the entire staff is probably infected at this point. But let’s all point out how much of a fucking terrible idea this is, and that it could have serious consequences. Especially if Trump wants to open up the country and hold his stupid MAGA rallies again!

The White House is testing its staff for coronavirus using a device that has been criticized for giving false negatives.

The New York Times reported that the White House is using the ID Now rapid testing system, which can give results in less than 13 minutes.

However, one study in late April found that it was showing a false negative in around 15% of cases — a result affirmed by the director of the National Institutes of Health.

Abbott Laboratories, the test maker, said around the same time that its tests can indeed produce false negatives in certain conditions.

It said that false negatives can occur when used with samples which are dissolved in liquid. It said the tests work properly when a swab with the sample is put directly into the device.

OMFG. Trump really thinks he’s going to test the whole country? I am absolutely shocked (not) that the tests are providing false positives. Hell, if you think Trump’s the guy to trust in reopening the country, I have a can of magical silver solution to sell you! And you can wash it down with a boba shake made from Clorox and Tide Pods. Love that visual! But Trump and Pence are maintaining their distance for now, it seems.

President Trump and Vice President Pence will be "maintaining their distance in the immediate future" on the advice of the White House Medical Unit, a senior administration official told NPR. They were last seen together at the White House on Thursday.

At a Monday White House briefing, which the president attended but the vice president did not, Trump suggested that he might be keeping his distance from Pence for the time being.

"We can talk on the phone," Trump said.

Last week, the press secretary for Pence and a military valet for the president tested positive for the coronavirus.

Pence and others who were in contact with the coronavirus patients have since tested negative, but the virus can take days to incubate. The cases have heightened concerns about the nation's ability to safely reopen.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Hey look, we got to talk about Trump’s taste in music for a minute. Am I the only one who’s alarmed by the fact that he plays the Rolling Stones’ classic song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” at the end of his rallies? Let’s dissect the message he’s trying to tell us – you can’t always get what you want, but if you try some times, you get what you need. So when Trump got bored and stir crazy and decided to hop Air Force One to Arizona to tour a Honeywell plant that recently converted to manufacturing PPE to help deal with our current coronavirus crisis. How did that work out? Well, in the words of Trump’s favorite song, you can’t always get what you want.

As President Trump attempts to project an image of America rising out of quarantine and beginning to reopen, he traveled on Tuesday to an Arizona factory that's expanded into production of N95 face masks to respond to the coronavirus pandemic.

And while the trip was in part meant to tell a positive story about the Trump administration's response, it also highlights the challenges of the moment.

Arizona remains under a modified stay-at-home order until May 15, though Republican Gov. Doug Ducey allowed some retail establishments to begin to open voluntarily Monday. The state hasn't yet notched the two consecutive weeks of reduced COVID-19 cases called for as a first step in the White House guidelines for reopening. In fact, the number of confirmed cases in the state is on the rise.

And Trump's trip itself was anything but normal. Those traveling with the president or coming in close proximity to him in Arizona were tested for the coronavirus.

Attendees to the president's remarks, about 70 or so people, wore masks and were seated spaced apart from one another.

Yeah these are the kind of people who would literally press the button that says “do not press button” and they actually did that {see: Top 10 #3-5 ). Yes, the Trump administration are literally the people why we need “do not touch” signs because, owning the libs. Now here is where it gets weird. While touring the factory, the workers blasted the Guns N Roses version of the classic Paul McCartney James Bond theme “Live And Let Die” and well, you can’t make this up.

President Donald Trump did not wear a face mask — as is recommended by health officials to aid in preventing the spread of COVID-19 — during his tour of a Honeywell factory in Phoenix, Arizona on Tuesday.

As Trump toured the factory, which is producing N95 masks for the federal government, he and other officials wore safety glasses but did not wear masks. In a clip from Reuters, at one point on the tour, workers blasted Guns N’ Roses’ cover of the James Bond theme song from Wings, “Live and Let Die.” As Trump spoke to a worker that was wearing a mask, he could barely be heard over the din as he asked how many masks were made in a day and the worker’s response is hard to discern. Afterward, Trump gave a thumbs up to the camera. A sign in the factory stated that masks were required in the factory, per CNBC.

Trump, who early into the coronavirus pandemic advised against masks, has refused to wear them despite mounting recommendations from health experts advising everyone to do so. Though he told reporters prior to his factory visit that he would wear a mask if it was mandatory at the factory, a White House official said Honeywell told the White House that masks did not need to be worn, according to CNBC.

In April, Vice President Mike Pence, who is head of the White House’s coronavirus task force, ignored Mayo Clinic’s policy of requiring a face mask. Instead, Pence toured the medical facility and visited patients maskless.

So that happened. It’s one of those things that you literally cannot make up no matter how hard you try, and believe me, we’ve tried here. And by the way, Axl is no fan of Trump. But when one of the biggest rock stars in the world takes on one of the guys with the biggest ego in the world, well, let’s just say it’s on like Donkey Kong! Really this might be the most 2020 thing to happen to 2020 so far, and we’re only 5 months into this year.

Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose didn't hold back on his view of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, setting off a Twitter spat during the middle of a global pandemic.
"It's official! Whatever anyone may have previously thought of Steve Mnuchin he's officially an [a**hole,]" Rose tweeted Wednesday night.
Less than two hours later, Mnuchin hit back at Rose, with a now-deleted tweet "What have you done for the country lately?" that some pointed out included an emoji of the flag of Liberia. Mnuchin tweeted the snarky response again and included an emoji of the American flag.
Rose took a jab at Mnuchin's flag mixup and responded, "unlike this admin I'm not responsible for 70k+ deaths."

"My bad I didn't get we're hoping 2 emulate Liberia's economic model but on the real unlike this admin I'm not responsible for 70k+ deaths n' unlike u I don't hold a fed gov position of responsibility 2 the American people n' go on TV tellin them 2 travel the US during a pandemic," he tweeted, apparently referencing Mnuchin's comments during an interview with Fox Business Network on Monday.

Let’s get it on!!! By the way after what’s happening in our first entry this week, future mask factory photo op tours and campaign rallies won’t be happening because well, Trump doesn’t care if he has the virus and who he could give it to. Plus, who would want to be associated with him after the disaster at Honeywell? Well, this is becoming quite insane and don’t expect Trump to follow the rules any time soon.

A Pennsylvania mask factory postponed a visit from President Donald Trump last week because it worried that the event could spread the coronavirus among workers.

The Washington Post reported on Monday that Trump was due to visit a Braskem factory on Friday to thank workers who are making personal protective equipment.

Citing documents and two people familiar with the decision, The Post said factory bosses asked to postpone the visit over concerns that Trump's visit could jeopardize workers' safety and harm the factory's ability to make the materials for masks and other medical supplies.

Trump and Vice President Mike Pence have been criticized for how they have handled similar events.

In early May, Trump was pictured touring a Honeywell mask-making factory without wearing a mask himself, though he later said he wore a mask "backstage."

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[font size="8"]Jacob Wohl
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Answer me this: Are right wing smear artists like Jacob Wohl and Project Veritas just really shitty at their jobs? Every time they are in the news for attempting to smear people for not telling the supposed truth about Trump, it seems to blow up and backfire in their faces. But like a deranged Wile E. Coyote, they keep coming back for more. So what’s the latest blow up from the right wing smear artist? Well, this time, their target was the one guy who’s trying to keep us from dying in large numbers, and that’s Dr. Fauci. But we caught their latest scheme before it even happened, and even the people who it happened to didn’t even really know that it happened!

Last month, right-wing provocateurs Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman called another in a series of hapless press conferences designed to impugn their political enemies. This time they claimed to bring forward a woman to accuse Dr. Anthony Fauci, the 79-year-old head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, of sexually assaulting her at a Four Seasons hotel in 2014.

The woman later contacted a journalist at Reason to 'fess up: She said she was Wohl's ex-girlfriend and the duo had paid her thousands of dollars to make the false accusation under a fake name. What's more, she had the tapes to prove it.

"The reality is that I've known Jacob since 2018 and that he charmed me into taking money to do this," she wrote, pointing to a photo of her sitting on Wohl's lap, which he had posted to Instagram months prior.

The smears — which have also targeted Democratic presidential candidates Pete Buttigieg, Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris, attorney Michael Avenatti and former special counsel Robert Mueller — have successfully raised Wohl's national profile. They have also raised significant questions about his possible liability for slander, libel, bribery, extortion and fraud.

Oh yeah, no question sir. He really is too stupid to insult. Now here’s where this story gets weird, because why wouldn’t it? It’s no mistake that the GOP has been on a massive disinformation campaign to discredit Dr. Fauci and the entire lockdown movement. But why the hell would he make advancements toward a woman who’s half his age? Well because Jacob Wohl is a deeply disturbed individual, like most hardcore Trumpsters.

A 26-year-old woman named Diana Andrade says that right-wing fraudsters Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman paid her to accuse Dr. Anthony Fauci of sexual assault.

Dr. Fauci, of course, is director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and a notable member of President Donald Trump’s coronavirus task force who actually contradicts the president’s numerous lies about COVID-19.

Around April 27, Andrade (using the name Diana Rodriguez) initially claimed that in 2014, when she was 20 years old, she met Fauci at the bar of the Four Seasons Hotel in Washington, D.C.

“He looked rich and powerful, and I love smart men with grey hair,” she wrote. “He told me all about his fantastic career in medicine, so I went upstairs [to his room].”

After some sort of alleged “ineffective hotel bed wrestling” occurred, she claimed she managed “to flee with her honor intact,” adding, “Now, when I see him on TV touted as some kind of hero, I want the nation to know the truth. This is my truth. This is my story.”

Hey, that’s my move, damn it! Hotel bed wrestling? Who does that? And I’m not talking about what Trump did in that Moscow hotel with those Russian hookers. Allegedly! Allegedly!!! Seriously, these are some creepy motherfuckers. And really why the hell are you trying to take down the one guy who’s trying to save your life? Because well, money talks and bullshit walks.

I'd just finished Saturday morning's second cup of coffee when an email popped through, subject line: "Exposing Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman."

"Hi Nancy, I hope you are having a nice weekend. I feel very bad about lying to you and others about Dr. Fauci. I took it upon myself to call Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman and record them (see attached)… Many thanks and again, I feel very bad about all this. I apologize to you, the other reporters and Dr. Fauci."

The writer of the email identified herself as Diana Andrade. I had never before emailed with Andrade, but had spoken with her 10 days earlier, when I knew her as "Diana Rodriguez." At that time, Rodriguez alleged that when she was 20 years old, in 2014, she'd been sexually assaulted by Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and one of the most visible faces in the government's response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

For those lucky enough to be unfamiliar with the exploits of Wohl and Burkman, they are pro-Trump provocateurs who've found a niche drumming up fake sexual harassment allegations that end comically badly, including against former FBI Director Robert Mueller (who turned out to have been serving jury duty the day he was supposed to have committed the assault) and Democratic Sen. Elizabeth Warren (the press conference for which took place on Burkman's stoop, and whose supposed victim was a 24-year-old Marine).*

Man even Dave Grohl thinks you done fucked up! But really these morons are the world’s shittiest intelligence agents. It’s no wonder that we’re in the worst pandemic not seen in an entire century – you have a nation of morons, you get a moron president. And really, just like coronavirus, this is one thing that you really don’t want to spread. Or even at the very least be caught spreading.

The coronavirus outbreak has made Dr. Anthony Fauci, longtime director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, a household name.

As beloved as he is in some corners, Fauci is loathed in others. He has increasingly weathered attacks from conservatives and conspiracy theorists who disagree with his cautionary approach to the deadly virus and view him as a “deep state” enemy of President Donald Trump.

Last month, as the threats escalated, Fauci was assigned a security detail.

The latest attack on him comes in the form of an accusation of sexual assault.

Earlier this week, the Daily Dot received a press release from a woman claiming that Fauci sexually assaulted her in 2014. The release included the details of the allegation and said she and her representatives plan to hold a press conference on Tuesday in Washington, D.C.

All allegations of this nature are given equal consideration. But the more the Daily Dot looked into the details, the more things didn’t add up. The accuser didn’t respond to multiple requests to speak with her.

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die! Wooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Wooooooooo!! Woooooo! Wooo. Woo. Well, if the coronavirus doesn’t get you, then a new breed of killer hornets might get you! And be prepared to say goodbye to honey because it might be going the way of the dodo if these hornets from Japan have anything to say about it! And in the words of GOB from Arrested Development, well, we’ll see who brings in more honey. Because these killer hornets, which have been dubbed the “murder hornets” are nothing to fuck with. Just to think we’ve dealt with every disaster imaginable in 2020, well, we haven’t seen anything yet!

Even as the US remains under attack from the coronavirus outbreak, a new terror has arrived: "murder hornets".

The 2-inch (5cm) long Asian giant hornets, Vespa mandarinia, have been found in Washington state.

Multiple stings are deadly to humans and in their "slaughter phase" the hornets destroy honeybees, whose bodies they feed to their young.

Scientists are now on a hunt for the hornets, hoping to eradicate the species before they wipe out US bees.

Although they typically avoid people, in Asia, "murder hornet" stings are thought to cause as many as 50 human fatalities a year, according to the New York Times.

The hornets made their first North American appearance in August 2019, in British Columbia, Canada. Months later, in December 2019, the flying insects were reported south of the border in Washington state.

Yeah GOB’s not on board. But are these killer “murder hornets” really something to be frightened about with everything else that’s going on? Or could they just be another harmless mutation of an even scarier super bug? How dangerous of a killer insect are we talking about here? Well we might want to actually read about these things before we start freaking out. I mean come on 2020, throw everything you’ve got at us, we can take it!

The Asian giant hornet (Vespa mandarinia) has arrived in North America. In the past several days photographs and videos have surfaced showing how viciously this insect has attacked honeybees elsewhere in the world: it crawls into hives and rips off the heads of bees in large numbers—making its supervillain nickname, “murder hornet,” feel disturbingly apt. U.S. government agencies and local beekeepers have sprung into action, hoping to eradicate the hornet—thus far seen just in Washington State and nearby Vancouver Island—before it can consolidate a foothold in the continent. Success may lie in how predator and prey interact naturally.

V. mandarinia is the largest hornet in the world. A female worker may grow to a length of nearly four centimeters (an inch and a half), and the insect has large biting mouthparts that enable it to decapitate its victims. Hornets are usually solitary hunters. But between late summer and fall, V. mandarinia workers may band together to conduct mass attacks on nests of other social insects, notably honeybees. This behavior even has a name: the slaughter and occupation phase. U.S. beekeepers supply billions of honeybees each year to help pollinate at least 90 agricultural crops. And they are worried that this new raider could further worsen already deep losses in important pollinator populations.

The hornet is native to Asia, ranging from Japan and Russia down to Thailand and Myanmar (formerly Burma). The first confirmed U.S. sighting was a dead specimen found in Washington last December. But several of the insects had previously been seen on Vancouver Island in British Columbia in the late summer and fall of 2019.⁠ No one yet knows whether the hornet is establishing a North American beachhead in the Pacific Northwest or if it will spread from there. If it does advance, that could mean trouble.

Ha, that episode is a fucking classic. But how are we going to spread the murder hornets? Well maybe not as much as coronavirus, and there’s no chance in hell these are coming to your neighborhood any time soon. It’s not like the dinosaurs and other unspeakable creatures at the end of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Oh spoilers? Come on, fuck that movie. And really we don’t need another disaster movie right now, since the entire world is a disaster thanks to coronavirus. But yeah in the terms of how the murder hornets could be spread, well, there’s a few things that would have to happen first.

When news of the Asian giant hornet’s arrival in the United States first broke, the public was understandably worried: First the coronavirus, now “murder hornets”? What’s next, three days of darkness?

But bug experts from Washington, where the hornet was discovered in the U.S., to California agree that the 2-inch hornet is probably not worth all the buzz it has generated — at least not yet.

“It’s not an existential threat; it’s something that can be managed. You just have to know that they’re there and take the necessary steps,” said Doug Yanega, senior museum scientist at UC Riverside’s Entomology Research Museum. He helped Washington scientists identify the hornets when they were first found.

“It’s like letting a virus spread — you don’t want to let your guard down.”

I like how confident that guy is. But we’re not gonna die just yet. Really people it’s time to calm the fuck down about the murder hornets. We’ve got more important things to worry about, and even bug experts think that we shouldn’t worry too much about the murder hornets. They’re really a non-issue in the bigger picture of things. But when it comes to listening to the experts, well, we’ll see who brings in more honey.

A superhero apparently awaits in the wings, ready to put a halt to the demented hornets.

But let’s take a moment to first figure out what the real story is about these seemingly and unabashedly notorious hornets.

Properly known as the Vespa mandarinia, this inch-and-a-half mega-sized hornet is considered a non-native species of the United States (they normally reside in Eastern Asia), and some of them in the Fall of 2019 were able to somehow “invade” into Vancouver Island, Canada, and also ended-up across the border into Washington state.

Efforts have been undertaken by wildlife entomologists and related specialists to find the hornet intruders and attempt to eradicate them.

According to the National Wildlife Federation, there have been no verified reports of the species in this year of 2020 as being spotted in the United States, and “there is currently no cause to believe that any of these hornets are still present in Canada or the U.S.” (per a May 8, 2020 posting by the NWF).

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Mississippi Audit Scandal
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

When greed and corruption happen at all walks of life, who is to blame? Well there’s many different levels of greed that happen all around us. We go to Mississippi for this story. Where there’s a tale of corruption and greed that is dwarfing and even eclipsing the Enron scandal. It appears that an audit of Mississippi’s financial assets revealed some absolutely ridiculous spending on some very lavish and unnecessary items. And when we say unnecessary items, we mean luxury sports cars, expensive houses, and much much more. Think of this as the Enron scandal, circa 2020. And we can’t even get out much right now.

Money meant to help poor residents was used to buy luxury cars, sponsor a college baseball tournament and hire family members of a top state official, according to a report from State Auditor Shad White.

The 104-page audit of the Mississippi Department of Human Services released Monday shows how federal welfare grant funds flowed from DHS into two nonprofit groups, which allegedly spent the cash in inappropriate or questionable ways.

More than $94 million in welfare money spending was "questioned" by auditors, according to the report – alleging either outright misspending or lack of documentation showing it was spent properly.

In a statement, White said the report "shows the most egregious misspending my staff have seen in their careers at the Office of the State Auditor." He said, "If there was a way to misspend money, it seems DHS leadership or their grantees thought of it and tried it."

So in a time when the entire economy is entering levels not seen since the Great Depression because of social distancing measures, what’s $94 million in wasted government spending? This is the kind of government spending that the GOP warned us about. Not only that, how did celebrities like Brett Farve get involved in this? Because this is the kind of fraud that is well, beyond fraud. At least Farve is off the hook.

A nonprofit group caught up in an embezzlement scheme in Mississippi used federal welfare money to pay former NFL quarterback Brett Favre $1.1 million for multiple speaking engagements, but Favre did not show up for the events, the state auditor said Monday.

Details about payments to Favre are included in an audit of the Mississippi Department of Human Services. State auditor Shad White said his employees identified $94 million in questionable spending by the agency, including payments for sports activities with no clear connection to helping needy people in one of the poorest states of the U.S.

Favre, who lives in Mississippi, faces no criminal charges. The audit report lists the payments to him as "questioned" costs, which White said means "auditors either saw clear misspending or could not verify the money had been lawfully spent." The Associated Press on Monday sent questions to Favre by text message and left a message for him with his longtime agent Bus Cook, and Favre did not immediately respond.

Favre also did not immediately respond to ESPN's request for comment.

That’s Farva. Not Farve. We had a typo in our search engine there. But not only was Brett Farve name dropped in this bizarre scandal, there was also some big name wrestlers in this thing that were being hired for motivational speaking gigs, never performed, but still got paid very well. This must be nice in this day and age to get paid this kind of money for not really doing anything.

Ted DiBiase, the former professional wrestler, has placed his lakeside home in Madison, MS, on the market. The ostentatious grappler once known as the “Million Dollar Man” is seeking $1,575,000 for the French Colonial retreat.

He and his family were recently named in a report by the Mississippi auditor's office as recipients of anti-poverty funds that were misspent on items unrelated to assisting the poor.

On 1.42 acres overlooking Reunion Lake, the “thoughtfully designed” residence covers nearly 6,000 square feet. Built in 2010, the home features five bedrooms and 5.5 baths, with a floor plan designed to take in lake views.

The main level includes a large foyer, private study, formal dining room, and living room. The family room is adjacent to a large kitchen with high-end appliances and finishes.

Yeah sure so the government of Mississippi just name dropped all Mississippi celebrities in a bizarre audit and wasteful spending. So Mississippi might be SOL when it comes to a wasteful spending spree, and these days that kind of money might be hard to find. But certainly they are not the only ones out there. The government of Mississippi is just the ones who got caught. And expect many more where that came from.

Money meant to help poor Mississippians was instead used to buy expensive cars, sponsor a college baseball tournament, hire family members of a top state official and pay Brett Favre for speeches he never gave, according to a new report from State Auditor Shad White.

The 104-page audit of the Mississippi Department of Human Services released Monday shows how federal welfare grant funds flowed from DHS into two nonprofits, which then frequently spent the cash in inappropriate or suspicious ways.

More than $94 million in welfare money spending was "questioned" by auditors, according to the report — alleging either outright misspending or lack of documentation showing it was spent properly.

In a statement, White said the report "shows the most egregious misspending my staff have seen in their careers at the Office of the State Auditor." He added that "if there was a way to misspend money, it seems DHS leadership or their grantees thought of it and tried it."

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! Should we be shocked at the behavior coming from our fellow zealots on the right lately? No, I didn’t think so. Well, the Great Pandemic is not only a testament to the greatness and the worst that man can achieve, did you know that it is also a spiritual battle for your very soul? Because there’s a holy war brewing against the EVIL known as social distancing. This is not something that the good LAWRD would have ever envisioned! It’s not “love thy neighbor” as the good LAWRD JAYSUS would have you believe! No! instead, it’s a war for your very SOULS! Because the good LAWRD is using this as a time of spiritual revival.

Jerry Boykin, a retired lieutenant general who once led U.S. special forces, discussed the coronavirus during last week’s online event promoting “The Return,” a prayer-and-politics rally being convened by End Times author Jonathan Cahn. Boykin claimed that “everybody” he knows understands that COVID-19 came out of a lab in China—many scientists have publicly rejected the lab theory—and he suggested that the release of the virus was a “deliberate attack,” while acknowledging that the evidence is inconclusive. But Boykin was “hopeful and enthusiastic” that “we are seeing right now the beginning of a revival or Great Awakening” as more people are turning to God during the pandemic.

As the executive vice president of the Family Research Council and a member of POTUS Shield’s leadership council, Boykin serves as a bridge between traditional religious-right political groups and dominionist Pentecostal leaders who are among Trump’s most ardent supporters.

“We look at this COVID thing and we ask, ‘How can anything good come out of it?’ Well, Bible sales are up and online sermons are seeing record numbers of people coming to Christ,” Boykin said. “Now, you know, there’s a flip side, too, and that is that a lot of people are getting into pornography now, and the church is going to have a big burden to try and help people get off of it when this is all over with.”

During the livestream, which was hosted by POTUS Shield founder Frank Amedia, Cahn said that God changed the course of the nation by putting Ronald Reagan in the White House in response to a prayer event held at the U.S. Capitol in 1980. He mentioned that 1980 was also the year of the failed attempt to rescue American hostages being held in Iran, which ended in a disastrous helicopter collision in the desert. Amedia said Cahn’s mention of the failed Iran mission “put chills down my back” because Boykin had taken part in that mission.

Now Reverend, need I remind you that before the outbreak you guys were the ones who were cheerleading for the apocalypse? Now that we’ve got a taste of what Armageddon might be like, you guys are suddenly walking back on your comments? Really now. But if we want to get back to the fun times we had before the pandemic, Brother Jim is back and he’s got some more snake oil to sell you!

End Times pastor Jim Bakker has been facing various financial and legal problems ever since he used a February episode of his television program to promote a silver solution sold by his network by suggesting it could possibly kill the coronavirus and heal those who have been infected.

Bakker is currently being sued by Missouri Attorney General Eric Schmitt “for misrepresentations about the effectiveness of ‘Silver Solution’ as a treatment for 2019 novel coronavirus.” Yesterday, Bakker’s legal team issued a press release announcing that it had filed a motion to dismiss the lawsuit against Bakker, who they claim “is being unfairly targeted by those who want to crush his ministry and force his Christian television program off the air … This case is about religious freedom.”

The motion to dismiss contains a sworn statement from Maricela Woodall, who is Bakker’s adopted daughter and the Chief Operating Officer of Bakker’s Morningside Church ministry. Woodall asserts that Morningside considers Bakker’s daily television program to be a religious service and everything Bakker says on it to be a sermon directed at his congregation.

Woodall and Morningside insist that Bakker’s silver solution was “made available to this generation by God” for the benefit of their viewers and therefore any attempt to hold Bakker accountable for falsely promoting it as a coronavirus cure is an unconstitutional attack on Bakker’s religious liberty.

Now I am going to use that excuse in everything I do from now on. See? My solution was made available by GAWD!!! But with your accusations and conspiracy theories and fake cures, is it any wonder why GAWD is getting pissed? Well with friends like these, who needs enemies? This whole thing is really getting out of hand, and as your pastor, I am here to say.. fuck it. Can I get an amen???

Anti-abortion activist Alveda King implied last week that New York has been hit so hard by the COVID-19 pandemic because it is “the home of abortion.” Religious-right leaders routinely portray the U.S. as deserving of God’s wrath for permitting legal abortion.

King made her comments on a Wednesday night online gathering called by POTUS Shield founder Frank Amedia to promote “The Return,” a religious-right pre-election rally being planned for Sept. 26 on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. King, who is a member of the POTUS Shield leadership council, said she would be attending “The Return.”

On the call, Amedia asked King to talk about the topic of abortion, saying that “too many children have died, and the blood is crying out to our Lord.” Amedia reminded listeners that he has prophesied that God would allow President Donald Trump to name three Supreme Court justices and enough lower court judges to change the law of the land. Trump has an “assignment of God” to do away with abortion, Amedia said, which is a reason that POTUS Shield supports Trump:

But the biggest thing that I see, the biggest function we have, is we have a man that God has put his hand upon, and he has assignments, and one of the biggest assignments of all—besides busting up the Babylonian system and dealing with China, and all the other mantles that have fallen upon this single man—is the life of the unborn children. And that’s an assignment of God. And we have to see that all the way through, and we need to see that through to its conclusion … God cannot close his eyes to the murder of children and putting children on the altar and the sacrifice of our own selfishness and humanism.

Really? You know it’s not just children, there’s a whole lot of us that are going to die before all this is settled and the Great Pandemic goes away. By the way, in the middle of the worst pandemic in a century, here’s what our brothers and sisters on the right really think of you. Rather than wanting you to vote by mail which is the safe thing to do, the right would rather send you to die at the ballot box because, drum roll, voter fraud!

President Donald Trump’s political operation is battling efforts to expand vote-by-mail and his religious-right backers are helping lead the charge. On Intercessors for America’s monthly prayer call on May 1, True the Vote leader Catherine Engelbrecht told a group of pro-Trump prayer warriors that the struggle over expanded vote-by-mail is a “spiritual battle” for “control of the free world.”

Voting rights advocates and public officials around the country are working to expand voters’ ability to vote by mail in response to the public health risks that voting in person pose this year. (Dozens of cases of COVID-19 have been linked to voters and election workers from Wisconsin’s April 7 elections.) But Trump’s political operation is spending tens of millions of dollars to expand “its legal effort to stop Democrats from overhauling voting laws in response to the coronavirus pandemic,” Politico reported Thursday.

Intercessors for America and True the Vote are on board. Engelbrecht claimed on IFA’s call that the expansion of vote-by-mail is an effort to “absolutely destroy free and fair elections.”

True the Vote describes itself as a nonpartisan “citizen-led movement” working for “free and fair elections.” It has a track record of challenging voter registrations, supporting voter ID laws and voter-roll purges, and fielding election observers who provoked allegations of voter intimidation. It is planning to field off-duty police officers and veterans to patrol polling places this year.

Well we will be having signups because that’s exactly what the right doesn’t want! It’s not a spiritual battle for your soul, it’s a spiritual battle for your vote! And they are voting for the Dark One! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Joe Biden Allegations
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Look, people, look. Joe Biden, our presumptive democratic nominee for 2020, has his issues as being a bit of a creeper (see: Top 10 #6-14 ). But here’s the thing - there’s no credibility here among this latest series of allegations. And since the shit hit the fan with the Coronavirus, this should be like last on our list of priorities to investigate right now, don’t you think? And why are we investigating at this stage in the game? Well, conservatives love to investigate their political opponents because they’re emboldened by AM talk radio, Fox News, and the clergy. But really, get over the fact that he sniffed some people’s necks. This might be creepy behavior sure, but Biden has nothing on Trump!

A woman has filed a police report claiming that presidential candidate Joe Biden sexually assaulted her in 1993, according to reports.

Tara Reade filed a criminal complaint with the Washington Metropolitan Police Department of accusing the 2020 Democratic nomination of pushing her against the wall in a Senate corridor and penetrating her with his fingers, according to Business Insider.

The alleged incident occurred while Reade was working as a Senate staffer for Biden nearly 30 years ago.

Reade first made the claims against Biden last month. In a tweet, Reade thanked those who helped her come forward with the allegations, as well as "luminaries" who have supported her such as Susan Sarandon, John Cusack, and Rose McGowan.

Reade also confirmed that the statute of limitations around the claims against Biden have passed.

"I filed a police report for safety reasons only. All crim [sic] stats beyond limitations. Gratitude for all who have stood by me," Reade tweeted.

Eh… not really. As I said in the previous entry on this, on the creeper scale, Joe Biden is most definitely a 1 out of 10. Trump is easily a 9.5 out of 10. He might have to issue a few more quaaludes, Cosby style,sd to qualify for a full 10 out of 10. So why wait until the primaries are over for this, as the Dude says, new shit to come to light? And why wait 30 fucking years to report it?

The allegations of sexual misconduct by Tara Reade against the former vice-president Joe Biden have caused new fault lines within the Democratic party, especially between its left wing and the establishment.

Reade is a former Biden Senate staffer who has accused the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee of sexually assaulting her while she worked in his office in the 1990s. Biden and his campaign have flatly denied the allegations and major news outlets have continued to investigate.

Meanwhile, liberal grassroots activists have clashed with centrist Democrats and senior party figures over how to respond to the allegations. The arguments often point to how Democrats approached previous high-profile sexual assault allegations, such as the accusations by Christine Blasey Ford against Brett Kavanaugh during the now supreme court justice’s contentious confirmation hearings.

Peter Daou, a Democratic strategist who has argued that the “Democratic establishment” has moved to undercut Reade’s allegations, said three basic factions had emerged.

No people, now is not the time to get panicked about this sort of thing. Should these claims be investigated? Absolutely. Now we’re not going to say whether or not the claims hold any amount of water, because even we don’t know the answer to that. But even Trump himself thinks that these accusations should be false. Well yeah that speaks volumes about who he is, doesn’t it?

President Trump said Friday that he hopes the sexual assault allegation against his likely Democratic opponent, Joe Biden, is "false." The president also alluded to the 20-plus allegations of sexual misconduct and assault that have been leveled against him over the years.

Regarding the claim against Biden, "I don't know if it's false or not," Mr. Trump said on "Fox & Friends." "Joe is going to have to be able to prove whatever he has to prove, or she has to prove it, but that's a battle he has to fight."

"I've had many false accusations made, I can tell you that," he added. "Many. And maybe it is a false accusation. Frankly, I hope it is for his sake."

Mr. Trump's comments come a day after Tara Reade, a former Senate aide to Biden who says he sexually assaulted her in 1993, told Megyn Kelly in an interview that she thinks Biden should drop out of the presidential race. Biden is the presumptive Democratic nominee.

Also on Thursday, The Tribune newspaper in San Luis Obispo, California reported on a court document from the time of Reade's 1996 divorce proceedings that shows she told her ex-husband she had been sexually harassed when she worked in Biden's office. It did not accuse Biden personally or include an allegation of sexual assault.

Damn straight! They can’t even get the court filings right! So did future president Biden commit sexual harassment or not? Well the answer is even they don’t know. And come on, it was the 90s, everyone was engaged in that sort of thing. So I’m told. Although do we need to get the endorsement of the CAFSA? It seems they’ve made their decision clear, but really would there be any presidential candidate that they would endorse? Probably not.

The Coalition Against Fraternity Sexual Assault publicly removed Penn Democrats from their group on Tuesday. CAFSA said in a public statement that Penn Dems was removed because they endorsed former Vice President Joe Biden for president, a figure who has been accused of sexual harassment and assault.

CAFSA, an on-campus organization officially founded in September 2019 to combat rape culture and support historically underrepresented minorities, released their statement in a Google Document on Twitter. CAFSA's document highlighted allegations made against Biden and denounced Penn Dems’ response to the allegation that the former vice president had sexually assaulted Senate staffer Tara Reade in 1993.

"We are writing this statement not only to criticize Penn Dems for endorsing a sexual predator for President, but also to reinforce our commitment in supporting and believing survivors," CAFSA's statement read.

According the CAFSA's website, all clubs in the coalition "support the cause to expel fraternities from Locust Walk and replace them with cultural centers and wellness." By listing their club on the website, they are "committing to the cause and pledging solidarity."

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner: Comey Central
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Welcome back to a new edition of the segment where we proudly dissect the latest in the world of absolutely batshit online conspiracy theories, Conspiracy Corner! Just let me get out my trusty tin foil hat, which kind of needs some patching up since I can’t get foil thanks to COVID. But this week marks the third anniversary of the firing of disgraced FBI head James Comey. Since then, Trump has been turning the conspiracies up way past 11. And that has sent Trump supporters into maximum overdrive mode. Really, Trump is turning into the Grandmaster from the Thor franchise – he could tell his followers to take to the streets and they’d do it. So what’s wrong with this picture?

Donald Trump continued to fume over the Russia investigation on Sunday, more than a year after special counsel Robert Mueller filed his report without recommending charges against the president but only three days after the justice department said it would drop its case against Michael Flynn, Trump’s first national security adviser.

“The biggest political crime in American history, by far!” the president wrote in a tweet accompanying a conservative talk show host’s claim that Barack Obama “used his last weeks in office to target incoming officials and sabotage the new administration”.

The tweet echoed previous messages retweeted by Trump, which earned rebukes for relaying conspiracy theories. On Sunday afternoon the president continued to send out a stream of tweets of memes and rightwing talking heads claiming an anti-Trump conspiracy. One tweet by Trump simply read: “OBAMAGATE!”

Trump fired Flynn, a retired general, in early 2017, for lying to Vice-President Mike Pence about conversations with the Russian ambassador regarding sanctions levied by the Obama administration in retaliation for interference in the 2016 election.

Yeah probably! So why wait until now to launch an investigation into the investigators? Well knowing Trump and the conservatives, who wasted years and billions investigating Benghazi, are probably going to waste more years and billions. So what’s this grand conspiracy that seems to be burying Trump? And why is he going all out now in a blaze of glory? And do I know where I am going with this line of questioning? You bet your ass I don’t!

Paging James Comey — it’s time to stop tweeting — and lawyer up instead.

Take this beauty he tweeted on Saturday: “Bill Barr on CBS offers no facts. An AG should not be echoing conspiracy theories. He should gather facts and show them. That is what Justice is about.”

This is the same former FBI director who — with his co-conspirators at the highest echelons of the Department of Justice,and Democratic lawmakers hell bent on derailing the Trump administration — peddled the fact-free Russian “Collusion” Conspiracy. A hoax that’s since been disproven by the 22-month special counsel investigation as well as several congressional investigations that all found no such collusion existed between Russia and the 2016 Trump campaign.

Even Trump-hating former FBI agent Peter Strzok said in an uncovered text message at the outset there was “no there, there,” but those facts didn’t stop Comey and the Deep State from launching a counterintelligence investigation against the president and his 2016 campaign associates — and spying on them — to help Hillary Clinton get elected.

Oh it’s all fun and games until someone commits some light treason. But since we’re on the subject of Arrested Development, does this mean that someone can be charged for the same crime twice? First off, ask Roger Stone or Chelsea Manning. Well one of our favorite batshit crazy conspiracy theorists out there, Q Anon truther Ann Vandersteel, thinks she might have stumbled upon the secret – Comey may have already got arrested and it’s all a cover up! That’s what they want you to think!

Yesterday we noted that the prediction made on April 30 by right-wing QAnon conspiracy theorist Ann Vandersteel that former FBI Director James Comey, former CIA Director John Brennan, former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper, and various deep state “minions” would all be arrested by May 5 had obviously not come true.

Vandersteel initially made the prediction based on information she received from a source who she claimed “has never been wrong.” On last night’s “Steel Truth” program, Vandersteel addressed the fact that there is no evidence that any of these people have been arrested by saying that she got back in touch with her original source who told her that Comey may in fact have already been picked up.

Vandersteel’s source told her that he has had somebody “following James Comey for a while” who reports that Comey has not been seen since April 24.

“I have stressed over and over it was a rumor,” Vandersteel said. “I called my source last night about it, and I said, ‘You know, what do you think is going on?’ He said he’s had somebody, another person that he’s connected with, following James Comey for a while. He lives around the block, and he said James Comey was last seen in a supermarket on April 24, and that was the last time he was seen in public. His family and his house have been empty since April 24.”

“Maybe they’re on vacation. Who knows? I don’t know,” Vandersteel added. “Maybe the U.S. Marshals have them. I don’t know. Maybe he’s a cooperating witness. I have no idea.”

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumn
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. Even the worst pandemic not seen in an entire century has stopped the flow of stupid. I want to start with this story out of Utah. Look, I get it – we’re sequestered in lockdown for god knows how long because of Coronavirus. And this has got to be especially boring for kids. I get it, I was a kid once. Video games and cartoon reruns can only get you so far. But this kid, who was dreaming of owning a ridiculously overpriced Italian sports car decided to take matters into his own hands. But was it really worth rewarding this recklessly insane behavior from this kid?

A driver who police suspected was under the influence on a Utah freeway Monday was really just underage — by a long shot.

The 5-year-old boy told a trooper he hit the road in his parents’ car so he could buy a Lamborghini in California. He took the wheel after his mother refused to purchase the luxury ride for him, said Utah Highway Patrol Sgt. Nick Street.

One of Street’s colleagues was preparing to pull over a different driver for speeding about noon Monday when he spotted a car drifting in and out of its lane, braking erratically and switching lanes without a turn signal on southbound I-15, according to Street.

In dash cam footage released by UHP, the boy appeared to be driving a gray SUV. When the trooper turned on his siren, the boy quickly pulled over on the left side of the highway next to the median.

The trooper got out of his car, approached the vehicle and asked the boy a series of questions, including how old he was.

Man when I was five all I knew how to do was make Hot Wheels go down a track! Next up – dumb animals! Yes, even animals are not immune from being stupid! So stop me if you’ve heard this grade school nursery rhyme before. Once there was a pig who swallowed a tracking device. And the tracking device caught fire. Yes, that happened. And the damage might be more severe than you would think!

A fire on a farm in northern England was accidentally set ... by one of the pigs.

The firebug (firehog?) had swallowed a pedometer worn by one of its fellow pigs to demonstrate that the animals were free range, the BBC reported.

But after the pig excreted the pedometer, copper in its battery sparked a flame in the pig dung and dried hay bedding on March 7 at approximately 2 p.m. local time, according to the BBC. The fire spread to cover about 807 square feet (75 square meters) of the farmyard before it was contained, according to The Independent.

Four pigpens caught fire at the farm, located near Leeds in the county of Yorkshire, and fire crews from nearby Tadcaster and Knaresbororough rushed in with hoses to "save the bacon," the North Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service tweeted on March 7.

Of course how could you not have a People Are Dumb segment without mentioning everyone’s most favorite penis-shaped state? I’m of course talking about Florida. And this is yet another one of those stories where life imitates art. And the art in this case is The Big Lebowski. Walter Sobchak is no role model by any stretch of the imagination. I also don’t think that Florida Man knows that’s one piece of art that shouldn’t be imitated.

Angered that a group of golfers was violating rules on the course adjacent to his home, a 74-year-old Florida Man allegedly threatened the players with a BB gun, prompting the septuagenarian’s arrest Friday evening on six felony charges, records show.

According to cops, John Robert Orr initially shouted at the golfers for driving their cart over a bridge and onto the putting green at the 8th hole of The Conservatory course in Palm Coast. The 199-yard, par three hole features an island green and is touted as the “signature hole” of the Tom Watson-designed course.

Seen above, Orr lives in a home that backs up to the hole, though the residence is separated from the course by a cement wall and the water that surrounds the green.

One of the golfers told police that Orr yelled at them to leave the course and that “use of the golf cart in that manner was against regulations of the golf course,” according to a charging affidavit.

Next up – I think Florida Man has been traveling but no one can really cross state or national lines right now due to the lockdowns. But in California, my home state, this is one thing you should not be doing when there’s a killer virus roaming the landscape capable of shredding your insides. Well, this is also another example of life imitating art, and another example of life imitating art when there’s no way you should be imitating it.

MODESTO, Calif. (KOVR/CNN) - A California man was arrested after he allegedly forced the driver of a tanker truck carring red wine to pull over, climbed onboard and began drinking from the tank, as the truck continued down the highway.

The dash cam video from a Cherokee Freight Lines tanker truck hauling bulk red wine through Modesto, California, allegedly shows suspect 39-year-old Gabriel Moreno in a sedan, putting his hazard lights on and directing the truck to the side of the highway.

Believing he may have had a mechanical problem, the truck driver pulled over, only to see Moreno get out of his car wearing just underwear. He ran to the passenger side of the truck and out of view of the camera.

As the driver pulled back on the freeway, another onboard camera captured the suspect jump back into view then on the back of the wine truck. With no shirt and no shoes, Moreno rode on the side of the tanker then climbed underneath the truck as it hit freeway speeds.

Finally this week – one of my favorite movie series that has broken in the last 5 years has been undoubtedly the Keanu Reeves vehicle John Wick. I love these damn movies, and it’s a shame that Part 4 has been sidelined because of COVID. Chapter 3 was so good! But once again, you should never imitate art in this case, and especially not do something this ridiculously dumb. But what could possibly go wrong in this case?

A Florida man allegedly tried to blame a weapons bust on John Wick, the legendary assassin played by Keanu Reeves in the eponymous movie franchise, according to a new report.

Cops confronted Getro Gelin, 27, at his Port St. Lucie home Sunday after a woman told police he shoved her to the ground and threatened her with a firearm, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun.

The woman told authorities Gelin may have stashed the weapon in his Porsche SUV, according to the report. Cops searched the vehicle and found a Glock 21 pistol, a semi-automatic rifle, and a bulletproof vest, according to the report.

When cops asked Gelin to explain, he explained that the SUV wasn’t even his anymore — he’d sold it “to his cousin John Wick,” according to the affidavit. ......(moe)


That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Round 2 Week 2: Family Values Championship
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Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! We are in the home stretch everybody as just one conference championship remains before the Final Four showdown! Last week, Idaho stunned the favorite Virginia to take the Batshit Conference and advance to their first Final Four in franchise history! And we don’t need to tell you that the Layover League championship is set with Florida set to take on Alabama in a rematch of last year’s championship. This week it’s the last week of Round 2 as #1 Michigan is set to take on #4 Nebraska in a battle to go for broke in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference championship! We’re at the home of the San Jose Sharks, the SAP Center in San Jose! Let’s go to the floor!

[font size="4"]Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Championship[/font]

[font size="4"]#1 Michigan:[/font]

So we are nearly 4 years into the Trump administration and the once-bustling city of Flint still does not have potent water. But Michigan is facing a crisis of unwavering magnitude as COVID ravages the entire landscape. Mostly aimed at Gov. Whitman because conservatives be crazy and they are crazier than you’ve ever seen them during this pandemic. But how is Michigan going broke? Well here’s one way to make things worse – the elected representatives are the crooks!

The embattled elected official issued a statement Wednesday evening on the misdemeanor shoplifting offense.

"I would like to apologize to my family, friends and especially my constituents for my substantial lapse in judgement today, Wednesday, May 6. A combination of many external factors led to my poor judgement. The economic impact of the COVID-19 statewide lockdown has taken a serious toll on me personally," she said.

"I obviously was not thinking clearly, and I take full responsibility for my actions. Recently, I had to choose between insulin and food, and I chose the insulin, which helps me stay alive.

"Recent threats and harassment along with censure in Royal Oak for my attendance at 'Operation Gridlock' and a lack of sleep have resulted in my mistake. Thanks to the support of family and friends, I am now seeking treatment from medical professionals to ensure I never make a mistake like this again."

Read more: https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/oakland/2020/05/07/royal-oak-city-commissioner-kim-gibbs-shoplifting/3087242001/

Yeah somehow don’t use Nelson’s example. So how does Michigan plan to reopen the economy? Well there’s plenty of data out there that suggests that now is not the time to do that, despite what the gun nuts and the reopen protestors think. But the coronavirus has just ravaged everything and Michigan’s economy is no joke.

How severe a blow has the coronavirus pandemic and the resulting near-shutdown been to the Michigan economy?

Worse than you may suspect.

Charles Ballard, a professor of economics at Michigan State University who has spent his career specializing in the state, put it this way. “GDP, the nation’s Gross Domestic Product dropped about 26 percent from 1929 to 1933,” the worst of the Great Depression.

“Moody’s estimated that this year, it had fallen 29 percent in just the first three weeks of the pandemic,” he said. By Moody’s, he meant the highly respected analytics and investor services company.

What’s more, the professor thinks things have gotten even worse since then — and thinks Michigan may have been even harder hit. “You could say this is weird on steroids,” said Professor Ballard, author of the highly praised book Michigan’s Economic Future.

In some ways this is not as bad as the Depression. For one thing, there is a social safety net, things like unemployment insurance and food assistance that did not exist in 1929.

Yes! Holy shit indeed! But here’s the thing – why are white supremacists the ones who are the ones threatening to reopen the economy? What’s their motivation? And why are they threatening Gov. Whitmer like never before? Well there’s lots of reasons why they would and would not. But really, the Proud Boys can go lick subway poles. It’s insane to think this is where we’re headed.

A series of protests, primarily in state capitals, are demanding the end of COVID-19 lockdown restrictions. Among the protesters are people who express concern about their jobs or the economy as a whole.
But there are also far-right conspiracy theorists, white supremacists and citizens’ militia members at these protests. The exact number of each group that attends these protests is unknown, since police have not traditionally monitored these groups, but signs and symbols of far right groups have been seen at many of these protests across the country.

These protests risk spreading the virus and have disrupted traffic, potentially delaying ambulances. But as researchers of street gangs’ and far-right groups’ violence and recruitment, we believe these protests may become a way right-wingers expand the spread of anti-Semitic rhetoric and militant racism.

The Proud Boys, and many other far-right activists, don’t typically focus their concern on whether stores and businesses are open. They’re usually more concerned about pro-white, pro-male rhetoric. They’re attending these rallies as part of their longstanding search for any opportunity to make extremist groups look mainstream – and because they are always looking for potential recruits to further their cause.

While not all far-right groups agree on everything, many of them now subscribe to the idea that Western government is corrupt and its demise needs to be accelerated through a race war.

[font size="4"]#4: Nebraska[/font]

Man, Cartman seemed unusually happy there for a minute didn’t he? Well next we come to Nebraska who last time shocked Tennessee with a buzzer beater. But do they have what it takes to win the Fiscal Irresponsibility conference and send Michigan packing? Well as we discussed, Nebraska’s chief export is obviously corn. And also meat, as we have plainly seen is having a huge effect on the economy right now as COVID is ravaging meat farmers. In fact here’s what COVID has done to Nebraska’s economy.

An updated report shows the state's economy is taking a severe hit from the coronavirus pandemic.

New estimates from economists Ernie Goss and Scott Strain show that Nebraska has so far lost more than $834 million in economic activity as a result of COVID-19.

The figures, published in the new Platte Institute report, "The Economic Impact of COVID-19 on Nebraska's Economy: Second Cut, are based only on data through April 4. A version of the report released last week had estimated a $63 million loss in March.

The Platte Institute said total losses are expected to keep climbing and it will continue to release updated figures as new data become available.

The report estimates 96,147 job losses in Nebraska through early April, resulting in a loss of more than a quarter of a billion dollars in wages and salaries, and more than $30 million in self-employment income. These figures do not account for federal money that has come into the state through COVID-19 relief programs.

But here’s the thing – reopening things isn’t going to be that easy and it may take years to get back to pre-virus times. But let’s hope that governors don’t do anything stupid between now and then. Of course Trump certainly isn’t helping things progress. If anything he’s doing the opposite. And there’s no way that Gov. Ricketts would listen to Trump is there?

Gov. Pete Ricketts said he remains focused on keeping Nebraskans safe and preventing the state’s health care system from being overrun because of the coronavirus rather than the politics of when to reopen the economy.

At an afternoon news briefing Tuesday, Ricketts said Nebraska will continue to work collaboratively with federal and local governments to determine when and how the state will lift restrictions meant to slow the spread of COVID-19.

“There are people out there who are trying to drive a wedge between the president, governors, public health officials,” he said. “Let’s not get caught up in that Washington, D.C.-type ‘gotcha’ politics.”

Ricketts’ statements come a day after President Donald Trump announced, both on Twitter and during a daily White House news briefing, that it was his sole decision when pandemic restrictions would be relaxed and the economy would be allowed to reopen.

So while we’ve talked about Nebraska’s agriculture industry, how are they being impacted by current events? Well, the governor unconventionally called for April to be declared “Beef Month” in support of local farmers, but the concept of a “beef” could have a very different meaning depending on where you come from.

Last week, Gov. Pete Ricketts declared May as “Beef Month” in Nebraska.

“When we think of beef, we often think of ranches, pastures, and rolling hills,” Ricketts said. “But it’s more than that. It’s a main economic driver in our state. It generates jobs throughout the entire supply chain.”

But the COVID-19 pandemic has caused “significant challenges” to Nebraska’s agricultural economy, especially for cattle, pork, and poultry producers. They have been affected by both price decreases and significant logistical challenges connected to the slowdown or closure of meat-processing facilities.

Nebraska Farm Bureau (NEFB) has determined that Nebraska revenue losses alone will total $823 million, or 10% of the state’s cattle receipts in 2018.

To address those problems, NEFB is urging Congress to support additional funding for agriculture in any pandemic response package that moves through Congress.

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

We have a situation developing here… Michigan is staging a comeback after being down in the second half by 20 points. But Nebraska has had several free throw attempts and missed rebound opportunities, which means that Michigan is up by 5 with 30 seconds left. Nebraska has the ball… they shoot, ooh, a miss!!! Michigan wins!!! Epic comeback by the Wolverine State! Final score 81 – 76! Cut that net guys, you earned it!

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Next week it’s the Final Four! All four conference winners have been set and are ready to tangle! Florida. Alabama. Michigan. Idaho. Two of these teams will advance to the championship, and then we will declare our winner on 5/27! We’re live in Phoenix at the home of the ASU Sun Devils, the Wells Fargo Center in Phoenix, Arizona for all the action! Getting exciting!

[font size="4"]And Now This:[/font]

Folks, I don’t need to tell you that this is not the celebration I had in mind for the 200th edition of the Top 10. Which means no live audience or featuring one of my favorite bands at the end. So instead I do have a send-off that I wanted to give for Top 10 #200 – the Rolling Stones have recorded one of their first brand new songs since 2005 called “Living In A Ghost Town”, so here it is in all its’ glory!

Thanks for sticking with us for 200 editions! Here’s to 200 more! Thanks to my staff and crew! We have just two more editions left this season. And we hope to return live on June 17th when the 9th season starts. See you next week!


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