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Sat Apr 4, 2020, 02:58 PM

Fauci Urges Non-Essential Worker to Go Home



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci has urged a non-essential employee of the White House Coronavirus Task Force to go home immediately, Fauci confirmed on Friday.

Speaking to reporters, the esteemed virologist said that he made the decision to expel the worker for “the health and safety of others.”

“He said that he felt fine coming to work every day,” Fauci said. “I told him, ‘You may feel fine, but by coming into work you are endangering the lives of countless others.’ ”

Fauci said that his decision to send the non-essential worker home was based on the most recent scientific findings.

“What we’re learning is that breathing and talking can put lives in jeopardy, and this one worker did more breathing and talking than anyone else on the team,” he said.

The employee is expected to spend fourteen hours a day in isolation watching television, a two-hour increase from his normal routine.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/fauci-urges-non-essential-worker-to-go-home

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Arrow 4 replies Author Time Post
Reply Fauci Urges Non-Essential Worker to Go Home (Original post)
Zorro Apr 4 OP
IllinoisBirdWatcher Apr 4 #1
smirkymonkey Apr 4 #2
Rhiannon12866 Apr 4 #3
dickthegrouch Apr 4 #4

Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Apr 4, 2020, 03:07 PM

1. LOVE the photo of the most non-essential worker in the house.

Send him to Mara Lago so he can go to mega-church tomorrow.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Apr 4, 2020, 03:13 PM

2. K&R

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Apr 4, 2020, 03:18 PM

3. K&R! Excellent suggestion!

And one that would benefit the American people in these tough times! Kudos Andy Borowitz!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Apr 4, 2020, 04:55 PM

4. How I wish that could be true. /nt

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