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Wed Mar 25, 2020, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-11: Do The Fauci Facepalm Edition (Mini edition!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-11: Do The Fauci Facepalm Edition (Mini edition!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Well hello everyone. So of course as you know during the Great Quarantine that the Coronavirus has brought life as we know it to a literal stand still until we figure out, what the fuck is going on. There’s nothing. No concerts, no sporting events, no conferences, no conventions, no weddings, no funerals, no beach parties, and really no fun at all. There’s limited air travel. There’s no going out. I could go on and on. But you already know that. and this week we can’t bring you the full and proper Idiots that you know and love. But we will hopefully be back on April 1st. Which, in my opinion, can’t fucking get here soon enough. But as of right now all of our tour dates are being called off which sucks. And I will say that we will still bring you the comedy but from a much smaller scale than what you’re used to. At least for the remainder of this season. Hopefully as the news gets better and we will start to see the horrifying curve flatten we will get back to doing our program live as you know it. That said this week we’re going to bring back the mini edition of the Top 10 – we’re doing a Top 4. Because let’s face it, the Great Quarantine has just sucked, but there’s plenty of stupid people who still exist. And that’s what we’re here for ultimately isn’t it? We can at least laugh at the stupid. And there’s plenty of other conservative idiocy which we will get to. And I’m like you – the sooner things get back to some sort of normalcy, the better. But first normally this is where I would show a clip from a talk show but instead I will show one of my current favorite podcasts – The Christopher Titus Podcast and his take on what’s going on this week:

So this week our Top10 is being reduced to a Top 4. And there’s no live music to act as the palate cleanser this week or for the next couple. In the number one slot this week, we are going to have a new edition of People Who Somehow Got Elected, and this week, we’re profiling Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (1), who is doing an extremely poor job of shutting down Florida’s beaches during Spring Break and the pandemic. In the second slot this week, we’re going to show you some of the insane things going on during the Quarantine and how you can escape boredom or not in a piece that we’re calling “Quarantine Life” (2). In the third slot this week is an all new, stripped down Holy Shit (no gospel choir) and our resident pastor is going to tell you how the Christian right is dealing with the quarantine, and yeah, the response is exactly what we would expect. Finally this week it’s the next round of Stupidest State Round 1 Week 2! This week, it’s corporate greed vs the almighty gun. In the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, #3 Tennessee takes on #4 Nebraska, while in the Gun Nut Conference, #3 New Mexico takes on #4 Missouri! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Ron DeSantis: People Who Somehow Got Elected
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Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:

This week – Florida governor Ron DeSantis. We’ve previously profiled Gov. DeSantis in previous installments. But this week, he took the insanity to an entire new world. While the rest of the country is on lockdown, Floridians and people visiting Florida have been partying at Spring Break. But in the last week, pictures have been emerging and have been well, unsettling in the day and age of COVID-19. And he’s not backing down. While the rest of the country is in a state of emergency, Florida is, well, confused as to what it wants to do. Because it is, after all, Florida. And what does that entitle exactly? Well, you’re on your own and SOL apparently.

When he took office on Jan. 8, 2019, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, a Republican, declared: “I will only appoint judges who understand the proper role of the courts is to apply the law and Constitution as written, not to legislate from the bench.” Does DeSantis believe he’s also bound by the law? The answer appears to be no. On Monday, the governor will violate the state constitution. And it’s not a close question.

In November, Justices Barbara Lagoa and Robert Luck, whom DeSantis appointed to the Florida Supreme Court, resigned to take seats on a federal appellate court. The governor’s office issued a letter to convene the court’s judicial nominating commission, which vets applicants and sends a list of nominees to the governor, on Nov. 25. The JNC had 60 days from that date to send the governor a certified list of nominees. It did so on Jan. 23.

The Florida Constitution tells us in Article V, Subsection 11(c), what comes next: “The governor shall make the appointment within sixty days after the nominations have been certified to the governor.” (Emphasis added.) We all know what shall means: The governor must appoint new justices by or on March 23.

Yet DeSantis does not share that understanding of the simple word. As a result of the coronavirus pandemic, DeSantis declared a state of emergency on March 9. Last Thursday, the governor announced at a press conference that he was extending the deadline: “I will most likely delay, under the state of emergency, that deadline, probably push it back to May 1.” DeSantis claims that his time is better spent on the emergency, and that he hasn’t had time to read the nominees’ writings—but he has interviewed all of them.

Yeah we might as well just cut Florida off and get on with it. No, we’re kidding. We love Florida. But we do not love Gov. Ron DeSantis, or his nearby fellow governor Tate Reeves. Who we will profile in a future edition. But Florida Gov. DeSantis is a crazy person. So as you can imagine Florida is handling this situation very poorly. And as you can imagine it’s taking him long enough.

The golden sands along Florida's coasts have long been one of the state's greatest resources, helping Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis oversee a tourism mecca that brings in more than $40 billion a year.

But as the coronavirus pandemic halts American life, those same sun-scorched beaches, and the crowds they draw, are currently at the heart of some of the harshest criticism aimed at him.

DeSantis has avoided issuing a statewide mandate to close the beaches in Florida, instead showing deference to local municipalities to make that decision. On Thursday, during a visit to a mobile coronavirus testing facility in South Florida, DeSantis issued his strongest condemnation of spring breakers partying on the beach.

"Spring break's done," he said of his order to limit gatherings on beaches to no more than 10 people. "Any place to go for bars and all this, done. They don't have a place to go."

DeSantis did not, however, close the beaches, arguing the choice on what to do about beaches "probably needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis."

The party should be the least of your worries right now. In fact if you think things can’t get any crazier in Florida right now, just take a look at what is happening at Florida airports. Rather than issue an out of state travel ban which is what should have been done, Florida instead is requiring a mandatory quarantine for travelers from one specific area. And that area happens to be New York City. Never mind if you’re from anywhere else. And it’s screwing up airports, which you can imagine, are already screwed up.

The Orlando International Airport on Tuesday said it supports Gov. Ron DeSantis’ executive order that mandates a 14-day quarantine for any travelers coming to Florida from New York, Connecticut and New Jersey, in an effort to slow the spread of coronavirus, although several questions remain about enforcing the measure.

“We support Gov. DeSantis’ order as a means to implement measures that promote the safety, security and health of our passengers and employees,” said Phil Brown, chief executive officer of the Greater Orlando Aviation Authority. “For our part, we mobilized quickly overnight (Monday) to accommodate the executive order and are prepared to work with the Department of Health in screening passengers as they arrive in Orlando.”

Orlando airport officials said there are about 45 daily direct flights from New York, Connecticut and New Jersey, receiving the majority of the airport’s domestic passengers from the northeast region, particularly the Greater New York area.

Airport leaders are currently coordinating with state health officials and the National Guard to finalize actions necessary to enforce the order, according to a news release.

Yes, the party is over for Florida for the foreseeable future. But have no fear! It’s all good, according to Governor DeSantis! Just keep calm and go about your business. Because it’s no matter that the fears surrounding the coronavirus aren’t justified! No, it’s the economy, stupid! And that’s all that matters to fiscal conservatives. Which is exactly what Ron DeSantis is, and why things aren’t going to change in Florida in the future.

In a news conference Saturday, Gov. Ron DeSantis laid out some of his plans to fight the spread of the coronavirus in Florida, hoping to ease the worries of residents in the Sunshine State.

As of Saturday, the Florida Department of Health has reported 763 Florida-related cases of COVID-19, with the most confirmed cases in South Florida. According to the FDOH, 164 cases have been reported in Broward County. The governor said 156 cases have been confirmed in Miami-Dade County. Twelve Florida COVID-19 patients have died from the virus, according to the governor.

The surge to more than 750 Florida cases, reported by state officials at 6 p.m. Saturday, shows a spike of more than 50 cases since the Florida Department of Health’s 11 a.m. update on Saturday.

The department updates its numbers online at 11 a.m. and 6 p.m. daily.

As the number of cases in Florida continues to swell, the governor is revealing some of his plans to fight the further spread of the virus and give worried Floridians some peace of mind.

With such pristine leadership as this, is it any wonder why we’re fucked? And it could all be because of Florida Gov. DeSantis, who is yet another in the ever long and growing list of:

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[font size="8"]Quarantine Life
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OK, I lied, there really aren’t any upsides to quarantining. However, we here at the Top 10 urge you to help fight the spread and do your part. But you do get to see the sheer stupidity of people in a time of crisis like this. Like take for instance the daily press conferences that Trump has. So before we get into it, can we see that press conference from the other day?

Wow, this is insane. That was the exact moment where Dr. Fauci litereally became the Kif Kroker to Trump's Zapp Branagin. I mean that's the face that says "Dude, you're a fucking idiot". Let’s all do the Fauci facepalm. And you want to know who else is a fucking idiot? Let’s take for instance, Gamestop. Are they really an “essential business” as some are saying? I mean really how badly do you need to play the latest edition of Borderlands? Most of us real gamers buy it from Steam anyways. But yeah let’s put our employees and stores at risk, because profit!

The video game retailer will only take orders digitally through its website or mobile apps. The customers will have the option of e-commerce deliveries or curbside pickups.

"This is an unprecedented time and each day brings new information about the COVID-19 pandemic," GameStop chief executive officer George Sherman said in a statement. "Our priority has been and continues to be on the well-being of our employees, customers and business partners."

GameStop further said that all its hourly employees affected by this decision would be paid two weeks' worth of their pay irrespective of the hours they are required to work.

The Dallas-based company added that it would also reimburse benefit-eligible employees with one month of expenses.
Why It Matters

The change in GameStop's response comes days after it courted controversy by claiming to be "essential retail" that needed to remain open during the COVID-19 pandemic, even as authorities across the country imposed shelter-in-place requirements.

Yeah you might as well take your money and light it on fire at this point. But if you’re wondering if Gamestop is the last of businesses like these in the time of pandemic, then you’re not wrong. But as the economy continues to tank in the age of coronavirus, Trump and his lackeys might be gearing up to do something ridiculously dumb that could result in a lot of people ending up dead. Yeah Trump supporters, the “Obamacare is going to kill your grandma” crowd is going to get a lot of this. Bet you wish you had Obamacare now didn’t you?

As the international response to the coronavirus ramps up, the inevitable damage to the world economy is unavoidable. While common sense and simple human decency would suggest that stemming the spread of infections at the price of the economy is worth it, there are some, namely conservative voices in America, who don’t exactly agree.

Writing in The Week this Tuesday, Noah Millman cites the example of CNBC host Rick Santelli, who said earlier this month that “maybe we’d be just better off if we gave [coronavirus] to everybody, and then in a month it would be over because the mortality rate of this probably isn’t going to be any different if we did it that way than the long-term picture.” According to Santelli, otherwise we’d be “wreaking havoc on global and domestic economies.”

Millman writes that this same philosophy is what caused the UK to come under an avalanche of criticism for its response to the outbreak. The logic for this line of thinking says that the elderly are not the economy’s most productive citizens, and the economic impact of them dying earlier might even be positive. Also, reserving more urgent medical treatment for the young and economically viable would prevent the health system from being overwhelmed.

“I hope nobody would be comfortable making an argument like that explicitly,” Millman writes. “But it lurks in the background of the all-purpose dismissiveness voiced by the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity about the seriousness of the virus (who are following the President’s lead in doing so), or in pieces like this one by Heather Macdonald at the conservative cultural journal The New Criterion.”


Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! As if that’s not bad enough, oh it gets much worse than that! You know what? Let’s stop talking about the bad news. I’m tired of it. I want to talk about some good news. Yeah Trump may kill 20% of the population if we’re not careful. But let’s put some good news in this entry. Although if you’re a guy or a hot woman looking to make some money and you live in the Portland area, strip clubs are turning to alternative ways to deliver the boobs and entertainment to otherwise deprived gentlemen during this time of pandemic.

Social distancing be damned—Portland will not go without its strippers, even during a global pandemic.

Lucky Devil Lounge is bringing its dancers to your door with a new food delivery service it's calling—wait for it—"Boober Eats."

"I originally did it at first as a joke," says club owner Shon Boulden, "and it got 150 shares on Facebook—like nothing we've ever had before. So I was like, 'Well shit, why don't we just try to do this?'"

Lucky Devil has a full food menu and non-alcoholic drinks, like ginger beer and Red Bull, available for delivery. The process is similar to many the home drop-off systems that have sprung up overnight as a way for restaurants and breweries to continue operating during the health crisis: Simply peruse the menu online, give the business a call and place your order.

The twist comes when your food shows up. Instead of being greeted a harried driver in jeans and a hoodie, your meal is hand-delivered by two dancers.

"They'll wear pasties and booty shorts, drop off the food, dance for a second and then we'll move along," Boulden says. "We'll still stay a reasonable distance back. They have Lysol as well."

Yeah we can imagine that it probably lasts at least that long! But there is some good news – if you’re bored out of your mind, and looking for something to do, there is a place you can go that you probably haven’t thought about in years. That’s right – your local drive thru! Yes, when the regular movie theater is closed, your drive through can provide a safe space that is very accurately socially distanced!

Jen Philhower, 48, a part-time office manager in Austin, Texas, is one of the many Americans adjusting to almost every group activity being canceled, as people move indoors and into isolation to avoid spreading the novel coronavirus.

“My youngest goes to wilderness school, and even that is closed,” she said. “When even playing in the woods is closed, things start to feel a little strange.”

So Ms. Philhower was surprised — ecstatic, even — to see one group entertainment venue still open for business: the Blue Starlite, a local drive-in movie theater currently allowing 35 to park at one time.

Located on a hill with the Austin skyline in the background, the theater resembles a “cool junkyard,” according to Josh Frank, the owner, who opened it a decade ago. Since the virus hit the United States, the theater has screened movies including “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and “The Breakfast Club.”

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Wichita! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

Well, my fair congregation, this is something new. As you can plainly tell, we are not at our current venue or comfort zone. Our regular church is not being held this week. So that means, no congregation, no choir, no band, and most importantly, no collection plate. I mean come on, this is a church. We are not above our GAWD, the almighty dollar. But we are most certainly not below it either. Running a church gets costly after all. But you got to remember that in this day and age where there’s a deadly plague ravaging the earth, that you got to pray it away. Because after all, that’s what GAWD would have wanted, wouldn’t he?

Amid the global COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak, right-wing megachurch pastor Rodney Howard-Browne held Sunday services at his The River church in Tampa Bay, Florida, where he spent a good portion of his sermon spreading baseless conspiracy theories about the virus.

Howard-Browne, who was among evangelical leaders who laid hands upon and prayed over President Donald Trump in the Oval Office in 2017, insisted that holding services during the outbreak was a matter of constitutional principle and vowed to take the issue “all the way to the Supreme Court” should the government instruct churches to cease holding in-person services in an attempt to limit the spread of the coronavirus.

Repeatedly referring to the outbreak as a “phantom plague,” Howard-Browne insisted that the virus was created by the Chinese government while panic about it was fomented by the media because “they are run by the communists,” all in order to benefit “the money cartel” that supposedly made billions off the collapse of the U.S economy.

“So you produce this plague, you bring it into this country, and then it doesn’t have to be everywhere because the more they test, the more they’ll find people positive,” he said. “There’s a 75 percent chance that the positive [test] is actually a negative, and that’s the problem. The testing is not verifiable.”

And that devil, my friends, is Pastor Browne spreading some unbelievably stupid nonsense. You know in our last full and proper sermon, we pointed out how much fear and misinformation is out there in the open, and things can get really scary. But my fellow GAWD warriors are rallying around each other in these trying times. But this is the time when you shouldn’t be rallying around each other.

Dominionist Lou Engle called a three-day global fast to stop the coronavirus and prevent it from derailing prayer warriors’ plans for a series of rallies in tents and stadiums across the country between now and the U.S. presidential election.

In a message shared with Engle’s followers last Friday and promoted by CBN and the Elijah List newsletter Wednesday, Engle wrote, “It seems like a demonic force is fueling the rapid spread of the virus and the hysteria surrounding it.” He called for believers to fast from Wednesday to Friday.

Engle explained that he believes that 2020 “has been marked by the Holy Spirit as a year of Stadium Christianity and explosive advance of the Kingdom.” As Right Wing Watch has reported, a coalition of ministries is planning a series of events across the country, culminating in a march from land owned by the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri, to Arrowhead Stadium for a rally organized by The Send just weeks before the election.

The Send is the successor organization to The Call, the banner under which Engle organized political prayer rallies for years. The Send held its first rally in Orlando in February 2019, followed by a multi-stadium event in Brazil this February that was attended by the country’s far-right president, Jair Bolsonaro. The Send had another rally scheduled in Argentina on April 25, but that country’s government has banned large gatherings to slow the spread of the coronavirus.

Yeah really people are dying and all you care about is people who pray in a stadium? Look at us, we’re just a janky operation in an auditorium. But is that really what GAWD would want? You’re not Billy Graham, sir. And in fact while most of the economy is going crazy amid the virus panic, when only essential businesses are open, you know what is considered an essential business? Hobby Lobby! Yes, the store where you can buy personalized knick knacks and Joanna Gaines’ latest biography, that’s essential!

As major U.S. retailers temporarily shut their doors to help contain the coronavirus, Hobby Lobby is assuring consumers that it's safe to keep shopping. The arts-and-crafts chain is keeping stores open in states that have yet to order non-essential businesses to close.

On its website, Hobby Lobby stated that it's taking measures to keep shoppers and workers from becoming infected, including "enhanced cleaning" and a ban on international travel.

"If an employee is suspected of having COVID-19 based on symptoms and/or known direct or indirect exposure, we will send that employee for medical care and to self-isolate at home, and will promptly coordinate with public health officials," the company, which has a total of 900 stores around the U.S., said.


"We serve a God who will Guide us through this storm, who will Guard us as we travel to places never seen before, and who, as a result of this experience, will Groom us to be better than we could have ever thought possible before now," according to the publication, which included an image of the missive.

So they care more about stadium prayer rallies and keeping Hobby Lobby open than they do about the greater good of the human species! Now I’m certain that the good LAWRD JAYSUS would say otherwise about their stupidity. Now does it not say that in our Good Book? Why of course it does, I have it right here in my hand! But according to Christian “doctor” Steve Hotze, the easiest way to avoid the virus is to just not get it. See? It’s that simple!

Right-wing pastor E.W. Jackson interviewed religious-right activist Dr. Steve Hotze on his “The Awakening” radio program yesterday so his audience could hear from a “medical professional who also has a Christian worldview” about how best to respond to the current COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak.

Hotze, a long-time radical anti-LGBTQ activist in Texas, told Jackson’s listeners that they simply need to follow God’s instruction to keep their bodies healthy, which will give them a strong immune system that will prevent them from even contracting the disease.

Hotze said that despite recommendations to avoid personal contact to prevent the spread of the disease, “I shake every hand that I can because I want my immune system to be challenged every day so it builds strong health.”

“Am I crazy, or are they crazy?” Hotze asked, rhetorically. “Could I be right, and Harvard and all these CDC guys be wrong? Yeah, because they’re all conventional. They don’t talk about how you can keep yourself from getting sick … Why don’t you just not get it [the coronavirus]? Why don’t you just stay healthy?”

Yes, that’s right, sir! You are wrong, and not only that, you sound insane. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! We hope to be back live again real soon everybody! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Round 1 Week 2
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[br] B

16 states will enter and only one will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back to Stupidest State 2020! Last week, it was Batshit and religion as both #1 seeds hung on to advance, with Virginia hanging on to defeat #2 Kentucky in a very close Batshit conference matchup. Meanwhile, our favorite Family Values champion and last year’s tournament champion Alabama routed Oklahoma to advance to the Elite 8! This week we’re live in Austin where it’s guns and greed! Over in the Gun Nut Conference, it’s a duel to the death as #3 New Mexico takes on #4 Missouri, while in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, #3 Tennessee takes on #Nebraska! Let’s go live to the floor at the home of the Texas Longhorns, the Frank C. Irwin Events Center in fabulous Austin, Texas for all the action!

[font size="4"]Fiscal Irresponsibility Semifinals: #3 Tennessee Vs #4 Nebraska[/font]

[font size="4"]Tennessee:[/font]

The Volunteer State has grown by leaps and bounds to become a favorite of the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. It’s home to such metropolises as Nashville, Memphis, and Knoxville. Tennessee is home to the good ol’ Smoky Mountains which means that they are home to the coal mines. And with coal mines comes – can you guess what? Coal mine CEOS! Which have just ravaged the TN economy while making things safer for their pocketbooks. But that said, COVID-19 has just drastically altered the way thing are going for just about everybody. But the good news – if you lost your job working in the coal mines, you can get a new job as – wait for it – a pizza deliveryman! Yes, pizza is doing gangbuster business right now with everyone staying at home!

Domino's locations in the greater Nashville area are looking to fill 300 positions as in-store dining options are suspended due to the COVID-19 outbreak.

There are 60 locations in the area, including Columbia and Clarksville, that have part time and full time openings. The positions include delivery drivers, customer service representatives, assistant managers and managers.

In the effort of social distancing, Domino's is providing an option for contactless delivery. Carryout is also still an option to those who are interested.

Hey! How did that baby get a pizza? So unless your dream career involves owning a Dominoes franchise, you may be screwed for the foreseeable future. That said, if you’re a sanitation worker, your situation may also be fucked. Because as the entire world is emphasizing cleanliness in the wake of COVID-19, the mayor of Memphis is announcing a shockingly evil move:

Memphis Mayor Jim Strickland applied pressure to the Memphis City Council on Friday when he said the council's vote against raising trash rates could cost hundreds of sanitation workers their jobs and bring a significant cutback in services.

Without more revenue by Jan. 6, Strickland said 199 sanitation workers would lose their jobs along with 75 temporary employees — about half of the department's 500 workers. He also said no trash on the curb would be picked up and recycling would be reduced to once a month.

The mayor's announcement via his weekly email comes after his administration increased how often city contractors and sanitation workers pick-up trash left on the curb in May. To pay for this service expansion, which cleaned up Memphis in the months before an election, Strickland's administration used $15 million from the city's general fund.

In short, Memphis city government provided services without having secured a means of paying for them. And the bill is coming due Jan. 6.

Read more: https://www.commercialappeal.com/story/news/2019/12/06/mayor-jim-strickland-sanitation-worker-layoffs-possible-memphis-after-trash-rate-hike-fails-council/4352537002/

[font size="4"]Nebraska:[/font]

The Cornhusker State is home to farms as far as the eye can see. It’s also home to the major cities of Omaha and Lincoln. It’s also home to the University Of Nebraska. It’s home to one of my all time favorite bands, and friend of the show, 311. But how is Nebraska taking it lately? Well like most states in the Midwest, Nebraska has been ransacked by Koch policies and Heritage Foundation talking points. So much in fact that the University Of Nebraska recruited some outside help in getting their new hospital wing off the ground, and we’re going to need a lot more of those where that came from!

With demand for outpatient services growing faster than anticipated, Madonna Rehabilitation Hospitals will build a new, $3.8 million physicians clinic at its Omaha campus.

A clinic has been in the plans since before the Omaha hospital opened in the Village Pointe area in October 2016. But demand for outpatient services has outpaced needs assessments conducted before construction began. Last year alone, staff treated more than 900 patients on an outpatient basis, more than had been anticipated.

“The numbers dictated that we move now as opposed to waiting,” said John Glenn, the hospital system’s vice president of development.

The clinic also will benefit the training program for medical doctors specializing in physical rehabilitation that Madonna created in partnership with the University of Nebraska Medical Center by providing a dedicated space for those physicians to see patients. The physical medicine and rehabilitation residency, launched in 2018, is the first of its kind in a five-state, upper Midwest region. Establishing a local residency program was seen as key in reducing the state’s shortage of such specialists.

Read more: https://www.omaha.com/livewellnebraska/health/madonna-plans-to-build-million-physicians-clinic-at-its-omaha/article_9d42f30c-0e4d-5b34-9728-8e68467ebf3d.html

And by the way if you are wondering just how much Koch policies have ransacked Nebraska, well, let’s keep in mind that their chief export is corn. And their chief import is well, also corn. In fact there’s so much corn in Nebraska that people are actually seeing it as a sign of some extreme climate change in the state. Just think when religious zealots think that they can actually change the weather, there might be some truth to that!

Corn farmers in Eastern Nebraska have long claimed weather patterns are changing, but in an unexpected way.

“It’s something I’ve talked about with my dad and grandad many times,” says fifth-generation corn farmer Brandon Hunnicutt. Along with his father and brother, the 45-year-old lives in the 400-person village of Giltner and grows about 2,000 acres of corn each year. From above, the area looks like a blip of homes surrounded by an expansive grid of circular fields. Though Brandon’s grandfather is retired, he takes an active interest in the business. “Contrary to what you’d think should be happening, both him and my dad swear up and down [that] droughts used to come more often and be a lot worse,” says Hunnicutt. “Considering it’s been 30 years since we had a really bad one, I’ve started kind of taking them at their word.”

This is not the only noticeable development—University of Nebraska climatologists say the growing season has gotten 10-14 days longer since 1980. Hunnicutt now waits until the first weeks of November to pilot his 40-foot-wide, dump-truck-sized combine through the farm’s widely arching, seemingly endless rows of corn—enough to cover 800 city blocks.

Though subtle, the Hunnicutts have noticed these changes and more.

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first upset of the tournament brewing! Nebraska easily hands Tennessee the loss by returning 10 unanswered points! Final score – 87 – 77!

[font size="4"]Gun Nut Semifinals: #3 New Mexico vs #4 Missouri[/font]

[font size="4"]New Mexico:[/font]

If you’re a fan of recent TV like I am, you know that the Land Of Enchantment is the home of Walter White, Gustavo Fring, and Saul Goodman. Oh wait, that was Breaking Bad, and Better Call Saul. And there’s a reason why Vince Gilligan chose New Mexico as the home of one of the best shows on TV in the last decade. It’s home to guns and crime, and lots of them. So much in fact that there’s panic buying of guns setting up in wake of COVID-19. It is going to get very ugly very quickly.

In Santa Fe, bullets may be as hard to come by as toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

Gun stores in the area have reported a surge in sales after the outbreak of COVID-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus, leading to a shortage of some items that rarely go out of stock.

The three firearm retailers in Santa Fe – Big R Stores, Big 5 Sporting Goods and The Outdoorsman of Santa Fe – all had long lines of people waiting to buy new guns or ammunition. Nearly everyone was talking about the virus.

“It’s been like this for the past 2½ weeks,” said Bill Roney, owner of The Outdoorsman. “It’s absolutely insane.”

Roney said the rush to buy firearms is happening across the nation, as evidenced by the long wait times for the FBI to perform background checks.

Who still has an overhead toilet in this day and age? But sigh… this is exactly why we cant have nice things. We’re in the middle of the worst pandemic in an entire century that has upended lives as much as it’s destroyed them, and your first thought is to go get a gun? I mean really you must have some fucked up priorities. At least New Mexico is telling the gun nuts where to stick it.

New Mexico Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham signed into law Tuesday legislation that will allow courts to order the temporary seizure of firearms from individuals deemed a danger to themselves or others.
"The Legislature had the strength to pass this measure because we all recognize: Enough is enough," Lujan Grisham said in a statement. "This law is sensible and balanced. It is a good public safety measure. If it saves even one life, and it will, we will have done good work here."
Dubbed the Extreme Risk Firearm Protection Order Act, the law adds New Mexico to a list of 17 other states that have passed similar "red flag" laws, allowing law enforcement to take away weapons from at-risk individuals.
The laws have faced heavy backlash -- from both gun rights activists and law enforcement officials who say the measures violate residents' Second Amendment rights and don't follow due process.

In a public letter over the weekend, the head of the New Mexico Sheriffs' Association, Tony Mace, wrote that red flag laws don't allow gun owners to defend themselves against an initial confiscation order.

[font size="4"]Missouri:[/font]

The Show Me State is the home you know of course to such major cities as Branson, St. Louis and Kansas City. Which are the home to the World Champion Kansas City Chiefs. Of course if you are a Trump fan, you know that Kansas City is in Kansas. But that’s neither here nor there. Missouri is also the original home of Black Lives Matter. And the reason why Missouri is such a repeat offender in the Gun Nut Conference is that it has some of the loosest gun laws in the entire country. Everybody and their mother, and probably grandmother, is packing some heat. And I do mean everyone!

More than 170 firearms seized or recovered by police during an eight-month period last year were purchased from a single St. Louis-area pawn shop, federal authorities said in announcing charges against three men connected to the shop.

Carlos Jones, 31; Robert Thornton, 36; and Steven Johnson, 44, were charged Thursday with unlawful transfer of firearm to a convicted felon and making false statements on firearm records. All three men worked at Piazza Jewelry and Pawn in Overland, Missouri, a St. Louis suburb.

The federal complaint said the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives traced 170 seized and recovered guns to sales at the pawn shop, with 102 of those guns recovered in the city of St. Louis. ATF Special Agent Chad Foreman wrote in an affidavit released Thursday that six of the confiscated guns were used in homicides, four in robberies, 20 in weapons offenses, and were found in 36 cases in which a prohibited person was in possession of a firearm.

ATF agents conducted an undercover investigation in October through December that revealed guns were often sold to "straw" purchasers who then provided the firearms to others, the criminal complaint alleged.

Damn you know things are bad when even Marge is packing some heat! But we don’t have to tell you that in these troubled times, gun sales are surging. But here’s why people need to get their guns in check is because in Missouri, pretty much anything goes. And there’s some groups of people who probably should have their guns taken away. Domestic offenders are one of those groups.

People with domestic violence convictions and orders of protection against them will soon be banned from carrying concealed guns in St. Louis County, Missouri, according to a vote this week from the county council that was sharply split along party and gender lines.

The four women on the council who are all Democrats, voted yes at Tuesday's meeting, while the three men on the council, who are all Republicans, voted no.

Councilman Tim Fitch said at the meeting that the bill would "take a federal felony charge and make it an ordinance violation," or essentially a "ticket."

"While it may look good on a campaign brochure," Fitch said, "it's going the opposite direction."

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

Ooh this is a close one here. Coming right down to the wire, New Mexico has it, shoots… they score!!! Oh man, Missouri got robbed. New Mexico moves on. Final score 75 – 72.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Next week it’s Round 1 Week 3! And we are live at the home of the New Orleans Pelicans, the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, LA, for all the action! The battle to go for broke continues as the Wolverines in #1 Michigan take on red hot #2 Pennsylvania! Meanwhile, over in the Gun Nut Conference, it’s a duel to the death as #1 Oregon takes on perennial favorites in #2 Florida! The Elite 8 is shaping up folks!

Thank you for indulging us with this mini edition! We should be back with a return to the full and proper Idiots you know and love on April 1st! See you next week!


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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-11: Do The Fauci Facepalm Edition (Mini edition!) (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots Mar 25 OP
malaise Mar 25 #1
Top 10 Idiots Mar 25 #3
malaise Mar 25 #4
underpants Mar 25 #2

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Mar 25, 2020, 05:01 PM

1. You could teach the Con a thing or two about time

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Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Wed Mar 25, 2020, 05:25 PM

3. Yeah it's very slow here at the Top 10 home office!

Which is why we're reduced to four this week!

Next week we will be bringing the full 10 back!

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Reply #3)

Wed Mar 25, 2020, 05:36 PM

4. You do heroic work

week after week

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Mar 25, 2020, 05:03 PM

2. All I'm getting here is Ferris Bueller Nurse

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