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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDr. Fauci Reports That Alcohol May Help People Survive Coronavirus Briefings
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Calling it a promising development, Dr. Anthony Fauci said on Sunday that alcohol may help people survive the most severe effects of coronavirus briefings.
Noting that millions of Americans have been exposed to the daily briefings of the White House Coronavirus Task Force, Fauci said that he had voluntarily submitted to a preliminary trial of the alcohol-based therapy.
What we have found is that a single dosage before the briefing and as much as a double dosage after the briefing do much to alleviate the most acute suffering, Fauci said.
The esteemed virologist said that if Americans are able to administer additional doses during the briefings, Consider yourself lucky. But, even as Fauci hailed the benefits of the new treatment, he sounded a note of caution. The effect of this medication is temporary, he said. Sadly.
Faucis findings are in line with anecdotal reports indicating that Americans have been alleviating symptoms in a similar manner since November, 2016.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/dr-fauci-reports-that-alcohol-may-help-people-survive-coronavirus-briefings
milestogo
(16,829 posts)bluescribbler
(2,105 posts)Horrors!
cojoel
(952 posts)State run liquor store system.
bluescribbler
(2,105 posts)But, as I understand it, beer and wine are still available.
ProfessorGAC
(64,425 posts)And, if open as pretty much normal, unlikely it would be masses in the store.
I've gone a couple times to get my juice (the kind of tomato juice I drink is cheaper there than anything else), my Heineken Zero, and wine for my wife. I wipe down everything when I get home and my hands as soon as I get to the car.
I've seen 5 people, tops, including the cashier/manager.
Totally Tunsie
(10,885 posts)People drink when they're happy; people drink when they're sad or mad. Win-win.
orleans
(33,987 posts)BComplex
(7,982 posts)The employees have been wearing little rubber gloves, but no masks. The counters separating them from the customers are only about 2-1/2 feet wide.
Ilsa
(61,675 posts)the orange a-hole. Maybe he'll get even more confused and recommend alcohol to fight the COVID-19 War!
Under The Radar
(3,401 posts)rickford66
(5,498 posts)lordsummerisle
(4,649 posts)especially in times like this...
Gothmog
(143,999 posts)yaesu
(8,020 posts)another tRump hearing.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)Just the stress factor alone will lower your immune system to killing levels.
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,483 posts)Otherwise, I suggest Dr. Fauci consider a pocket flask.
KY............
Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)I'm going to run out of alcohol.
There isn't enough tequila in the world.
(We need a tequila smiley.)
Totally Tunsie
(10,885 posts)Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)We need a tequila shot glass, bottle of tequila, salt and some limes. I'm very particular. LOL!
Totally Tunsie
(10,885 posts)Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)How the heck do I get those on my phone?
Technologically stupid here. I freely admit it.
Now we are getting into the important stuff!
Hunkering down in my house is easy. LOL! Sort of.
Totally Tunsie
(10,885 posts)especially on my phone! In fact, I'm currently wrestling with an errant remote printer that's gone offline - GRRRRR!
Good luck, and stay well.
Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)'Errant remote printer.'
You need more luck than I do right now! LOL.
So good luck to you, and you stay healthy and safe.
Crunchy Frog
(26,548 posts)Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)However, if we drink enough tequila, we won't care!
Crunchy Frog
(26,548 posts)This is the beer one.
Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)I don't know which one would happen first.
Death, or praying to the Porcelain Bowl God.
And then death.
Beer on the other hand, that I can handle, and that is in the fridge. Purchased a lot, planning on having a chili and cornbread party with all the neighbors.
But then we had some event that canceled all of that.
I can't quite remember what it was.
Oh yeah. Pandemic!
Thankfully, everything will keep!
Aquaria
(1,076 posts)That was me before I was diagnosed diabetic. Now I'm down to one drink maybe every two or three weeks. It gives me a sadz.
But what else can I do? Alcohol is far from diabetes friendly. On the bright side, I'm saving lots of money that used to go to vino purchases.
Dem2theMax
(9,595 posts)When I was young, it loved me too.
Then I got old, or at least older. Today, I definitely feel old. Lol? Anyway, now all I have to do is look at a glass of wine and I get a hangover. It's not fair!
Many years ago, I worked in a gourmet restaurant. I was in the office part, can't cook. And I was educated in wine. Developed quite a picky palate, and got to appreciate wines from all over the world without having to pay for them. Best job in the world! Especially when you are young. You can drink a lot of wine and wake up feeling fine.
Yep, that was in the olden days. Had dinner with some neighbors last month. I brought a nice bottle of wine. One of my friends and I got a little carried away because it tasted really good. I've never had a two-day hangover before.
leighbythesea2
(1,200 posts)Here.
Shot every eye roll from Fauci? Or pained look. Or face palm.
Id say the word "best" or "beautiful" from the fuhrer but i cant listen.
TheDemsshouldhireme
(172 posts)every time you hear tremendous, fantastic and extraordinary.
Aquaria
(1,076 posts)Brainfodder
(6,423 posts)SunSeeker
(51,369 posts)Did Trump fire Fauci from the dog and pony show crew?
customerserviceguy
(25,183 posts)"overmedicated".
Zambero
(8,954 posts)At some point you'd stand a very high probability of undergoing "testing", with "positive" results.
customerserviceguy
(25,183 posts)a subscription to the New Yorker, their humor is most biting.
NBachers
(17,004 posts)Celerity
(42,666 posts)wendyb-NC
(3,250 posts)JustABozoOnThisBus
(23,283 posts)But if I thought of it, it's already too late.
Nothing left but Popov vodka.
BeckyDem
(8,361 posts)Not kidding.