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Wed Feb 12, 2020, 05:01 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-6: Wheel Of Corruption: Dark Fate Edition

Last edited Fri Feb 14, 2020, 05:32 PM - Edit history (2)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-6: Wheel Of Corruption: Dark Fate Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Hey websites, please stop asking me to review your updated privacy policy because we both know that ain’t happening. What do you mean my data was sold to a Saudi prince? Damn it, I should have read the privacy policy. What’s up Smashville? Ah, see my nod to the Predators there? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Happy Valentines Day everybody! Of course Valentine’s Day is this Friday but we’re spreading the love a couple of days early! Because that’s just how we roll. So this is our 4th annual Valentine’s Day special and as always, this one goes out to the lovers in the room! And I’m sure there are many. And if you’re thinking of proposing, oh man have we got a destination wedding for you! It of course takes place in Las Vegas. Now when you think Vegas weddings, you think of the Elvis Chapel at the Aladdin or Chapel Of Flowers. Nope, this wedding happens to take place at Dennys. Yes, the same Dennys where you go to indulge your drunk food fantasies with Moons Over My Hammy, or your Nana and Pop Pop go to take advantage of the $5 senior slam. But you can get married for free on this Valentine’s Day. Yes, free! Of course if you want booze to go with that, they offer $2, $4, $6, and $8 drink specials. And my favorite part, they give you a coupon for a future visit! Or maybe Dennys isn’t your flavor, you prefer something more spicy! Fear not, the Taco Bell Cantina at Miracle Mile will satisfy your craving. For your wedding, you get tacos and margaritas! Yes, that is a thing that exists! 2020 is a great year to be alive isn’t it? OK enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he tears into Mitch McConnell on his latest New Rule:

Hey everyone the Wheel Of Corruption is back! Yay!!! It’s been a while! Holy crap this week was quite the shit show wasn’t it? In the number one slot of course this week is the Impeachment Of Donald J. Trump (1) and he of course was acquitted after Mitch McConnell rigged the trial, but it’s not over! It’s far from over! And man did Trump unload in an absolutely batshit crazy victory speech at the White House. In the second slot is our State Of The Union recap (2) which included Nancy Pelosi ripping up a copy of Trump’s address, while Parkland victim Fred Guttenberg got ejected after questioning Trump’s hard right 2nd amendment stance. In the number 3 slot this week is Rush Limbaugh (3). Yes, he has potentially terminal lung cancer but should we feel remorse for someone who has systematically hated our guts for 30+ years? We will weigh in on this subject. In the #4 slot this week – white nationalists (4) marched on DC while their favorite target, Portland’s Antifa, showed up in downtown and nobody knows exactly WTF happened! Speaking of white nationalists, at slot number 5 this week is of course our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and the FBI completed its’ annual survey of domestic terrorism incidents, and the results are way more frightening than you would ever have imagined! Taking the #6 seed of course is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and is anyone really surprised that Franklin Graham (6) got dropped from the entirety of his planned UK Crusader tour? Our resident pastor is going to get to the bottom of why the Brits hate the evangelist and his business. In the #7 slot this week, we had a much different “Beating A Dead Horse” planned about Kirk Douglas claims, but instead, we got to talk about the absolutely batshit ramblings coming from Joaquin Phoenix about milk. Yes, he used his speech to attack milk. In the number 8 slot this week, we have a new edition of our segment "NO!!!" in which religious right hate mongerer and fake coach Dave Daubenmire (8) is suing the NFL for an absolutely ridiculous sum of money. And when we say ridiculous we mean just that! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week, is a new “I Need A Drink” and this week we’re going to get drunk and talk celebrity fragrances, and there’s some truly bizarre ones, in case you’re looking for a last minute Valentine’s Day gift for that special someone! Finally this week is a new “Keeping Up With The Candidates” (10). This week we’re going to talk about the aftermath of that colossal SNAFU in Iowa and what to expect as the primaries head to Nevada. And the palate cleanser, we’ve got some live music from The Lumineers! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Impeachment: Trump Vs Romney
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Hey everyone say it with me: It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION! YAY!!!!!

Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. So here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Elections
- Buy A Vowel
- Sex
- Clip Without Context
- Death
- Greed
- Spying
- Walls
- Food
- Elections
- The Border
- Donald Trump
- Clip Without Context
- Chance
- 5,000
- Bankrupt
- Whammy
- Community Chest
- Top 10 Investigates
- A Random Tweet
- Something Random In The News
- ‘Merica!
- Golf
- 10,000
- Morally Bankrupt
- Guacamole
- Clip Without Context
- Talk Shows
- Holy Shit
- Beating A Dead Horse
- This Fucking Guy
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Intermission
- Double Whammy
- 15,000
- People Are Dumb
- Keeping Up With The Candidates
- I Need A Drink
- Infowars
- Go Directly To Jail
- T-Shirt Cannon
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP!! Oh hey it’s one of our patented clips without context!

Coincidentally, I have the new Prophetess album “Warring Angels With Flaming Swords”, and it is a banger!!! Spin it again! Donald Trump! You know here’s the thing – conservatives have famously tried to claim that they are the party of transparency. Well, you can’t exactly be transparent when you rigged your own trial! And that’s exactly what they did. It’s almost kind of like that old MTV show Celebrity Deathmatch. In this corner, we have, at 239 (?) pounds, Donald Trump! And in this corner, wearing magic underwear, Mitt Romney! And not only that, Trump has not one but two dirty dealers at the helm – Kentucky’s Mitch McConnell (R-Turtle) and Mr. Moneybags prior to impending bankruptcy, Bill Barr. And with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Senators voted on Wednesday afternoon to acquit President Trump on two articles of impeachment — abuse of power and obstruction of Congress — after a historically unusual but typically contentious trial.

Forty-eight senators supported a verdict of guilty on Article I; 52 voted not guilty. Forty-seven senators supported a verdict of guilty on Article II; 53 voted not guilty. The Senate would have needed 67 votes to convict Trump on either article.

The result of the process had never been in question after the House voted to impeach Trump in December. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said months ago that he considered it "inconceivable" that a sufficient number of Republicans would break rank and support removing Trump from office.

One surprise on Wednesday, however, was that one Republican voted to convict and remove Trump on Article I: Utah Sen. Mitt Romney.

You know, I never thought I would say this, but thank god for Mitt Romney. At least his moral code prevented him from going with the GOP cult. But he’s still siding with the religion where he has to wear magic underwear. But what’s interesting is that even the Mormon Church, which is famously hard right conservative, is starting to take a turn. So where does Mitt Romney stand?

Sen. Mitt Romney sat sternly with his hands clasped in his lap Wednesday as Republican colleagues to his left and right stood up and declared President Donald Trump “not guilty” on two articles of impeachment.

One of the last to enter the Senate chamber before the historic vote, Romney had, less than three hours before, announced he would be the only member of the president’s party not to acquit him on both charges. Trump, the senator concluded, had committed an act so extreme and egregious it could not be ignored.

Wearing a navy blue suit with an American flag pin, Romney had not been greeted by his colleagues and did not boast a smile as the voting began.

When the trial ended, the Utah senator was the first to depart.

Uh oh, Mitt Romney had an independent thought, it’s bad for the cult! And of course now that Trump has been vindicated, he’s going to go full asshole and get his revenge on the people who he thinks wronged him, starting with Mr. Romney himself. So where does his home state of Utah stand on impeachment? And where do they think Romney voted? Did he vote correctly or not? We will see.

Registered voters in Utah are split on whether Sen. Mitt Romney’s (R) vote to convict President Trump in his impeachment trial last week makes them more or less likely to back Romney's reelection.

The Deseret News-Hinckley Institute of Politics survey released Tuesday found that 37 percent of registered voters surveyed said they were less likely to support Romney’s reelection, while 36 percent said they were more likely to back the senator. The difference between the two is within the poll's 4.5 percentage point margin of error.

Twenty-two percent said the senator's impeachment vote made no impact on how they will vote if Romney mounts a theoretical reelection bid, while 5 percent said they are not sure.

A majority of GOP voters —56 percent — said they were less likely to back the senator in his reelection, which isn't until 2024.

The poll also found that 49 percent of all registered voters viewed Romney’s vote positively, while 40 percent viewed it negatively; 11 percent said they were not sure.

Oh come on, you can stop booing now. So as you know, the way we’ve been polarized has been a thing since the Joseph McCarthy days. But the one person to defect has been Mitt Romney? I can guarantee 100% that I did not have that selected on my Impeachment Bingo card. But I did have “Romney kicked out of future GOP events” on my GOP Bingo card!

Sen. Mitt Romney will not be invited to this year's CPAC, the conservative conference's host chair announced Friday in the aftermath of senators voting not to hear additional witnesses in President Donald Trump's impeachment trial.

"BREAKING: The "extreme conservative" and Junior Senator from the great state of Utah, @SenatorRomney is formally NOT invited to #CPAC2020," tweeted Matt Schlapp, chair of the American Conservative Union, which hosts the conference.

The former party nominee and Sen. Susan Collins were the only Republicans to side with Democrats in voting to hear witnesses in the impeachment trial.

The vote failed, all but guaranteeing Trump's acquittal next week.

While CPAC has grown into a hotbed of Trumpian support, Romney has distanced himself from the president, garnering Trump's mockery and scorn.

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[font size="8"]State Of The Union Recap
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Now entering the spin cycle! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! No, a whammy!

Spin it again. Donald Trump. Folks, it’s been quite a week since the State Of The Union with Nancy Pelosi getting ripped by the Trump cult over her ripping up of the SOTU speech. That’s how you treat a wannabe tyrant dictator like Trump. Is that you kick him in the ass hard. Of course Trump is a guy who loves him some loyalty. And nothing more loyal than those who were invited to his Mar-A-Lago Super Bowl party or his SOTU in Washington DC. But if you double cross the cult, they will tear you up in the same way that Nancy Pelosi ripped up that speech. Here’s what happened.

President Donald Trump promoted the economy and trade deals on Tuesday night in his third State of the Union address — an unusual speech that mixed unprecedented theatrics, including reuniting military families and doling out civilian awards, with overt partisan appeals.

The event ended in spectacularly bitter fashion, with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., ripping up her copy of the speech as the president finished — a climax to a tense evening chock-full of strain and division between the two leaders and, more broadly, among members of both political parties.

Pelosi's move was one of several instances of visibly intense partisanship during Trump's nearly 80-minute speech, which came amid his Senate impeachment trial. The Senate, which will vote Wednesday on Trump's verdict, is widely expected to acquit the president on two articles of impeachment: abuse of power and obstruction of Congress.

Earlier in the evening, after Trump reached the lectern, he did not shake Pelosi's hand. At other points while Trump was speaking, Pelosi was seen shaking her head.

Yup, that’s how you do it! But is there really a motive or a sinister underling to what Nancy Pelosi did to Trump? Really, Trump pardoned a guy who posed with the body of a child he killed in Iraq, and this is the hill that they choose to die on? OK fine. Let’s play that game for a minute. But in the 100+ years that the State Of The Union has been a thing, this might be one of the strangest ones ever.

President Donald Trump likes his superlatives, and you have to give him credit: He definitely earned them this time.

This was the most defiant, most boastful, most ostentatiously theatrical, most overtly campaign-oriented, most am-I-hearing-this-right? outlandish—the most flamboyantly bizarre—State of the Union Address of All Time.

It was also the most disorienting, and hard to categorize through the prism of conventional political analysis. That prism already had lost much of its utility during the Trump Era, and the president seemed to shatter it completely in a 78-minute speech to a congressional audience whose fealty and contempt toward Trump were on display in equal and vivid measure.

Trump long ago lost the capacity truly to shock, but he still has tricks up his sleeve: The speech showed he still has the ability to surprise.

Yeah pretty much. Now let’s switch gears for a minute. I have to talk about this story. I’ve been waiting all week and it’s been pissing me off more and more every day. During the State Of The Union, there was an ejection. While Trump was assuring gun nuts that their precious 2nd amendment wasn’t going anywhere, Parkland victim Fred Guttenberg, who was invited as a guest of Nancy Pelosi, got ejected for speaking out the way that guy shouted “You lie!” at Obama way back when. Hold your boos.
President Trump didn't shy away from his push for Second Amendment rights during Tuesday night's State of the Union address. But as he spoke about the importance of protecting the right to bear arms, the father of a teenage girl killed in the 2018 Parkland, Florida mass shooting yelled out — and was promptly ejected.

Fred Guttenberg's 14-year-old daughter, Jaime Guttenberg, was one of 17 people killed at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School on Valentine's Day in 2018 when former student Nikolas Cruz brought an AR-15 into the building. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi invited Guttenberg to attend the address. He's been an outspoken advocate for gun reform since the shooting.

Leading up to Guttenberg's outburst, the president said, "In America we don't punish prayer; we don't tear down crosses; we don't ban symbols of faith; we don't muzzle preachers and pastors. In America, we celebrate faith. ... Just as we believe in the First Amendment, we also believe in another constitutional right that is under siege all across the country. So long as I am president, I will always protect your Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms."

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh and if that’s not enough, this will make your blood boil even further! So after the SOTU, Trump finally allowed Parkland families to go to the White House for a symposium on gun safety. You know who wasn’t invited? Guess who. Yes, now you have my permission to boo even further. And why should Mr. Guttenberg apologize to these assholes? He’s sticking up for what is right.

Several parents who lost a loved one in the tragic shooting inside a Parkland school will attend a White House event on Monday – with one notable member of that group not getting an invite to attend.

Fred Guttenberg, whose daughter Jamie was among the 17 victims of the shooting inside Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School on February 14, 2018, tweeted that he was not invited to the ceremony for the event involving President Trump.

Guttenberg made headlines last week when he was escorted out of the State of the Union address after yelling at the President following remarks about gun violence. He later apologized for the outburst.

“I love the families and do not want to interfere,” Guttenberg said in a message to the Miami Herald. “My issue is only with the way the [White House] put out its public schedule.”

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[font size="8"]Rush Limbaugh
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Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Something random in the news!

The NY Post is reporting that an altercation occurred outside Brooklyn's popular Other Half Brewing Company late Friday night. And according to officials, it all had to do with a bunch of smack talk over craft beer.

Witnesses say they were in line overnight for a Saturday morning special release when a man and a woman began harassing them over their taste for pricy, hoppy beer. Several people in line told the NY Post that the couple were staying in a nearby Airbnb when they started mocking the beer lovers. This escalated back and forth to the point that some in line even threw folding chairs at the annoying twosome.

The Post says the the man and woman went back into the apartment for a while, only for the man to reemerge with a can of White Claw hard seltzer. Eager to show these beer snobs what a man's man drinks, the alleged intruder slammed back his drink and then allegedly threw it at those waiting in line. The taunts continued both ways until the Post says the man went back to the apartment and came back with a Glock 19.

Shocked witnesses in line say they called the police as they tried to deescalate the potentially dangerous situation. The man then put the gun away and went back inside. The NY Post says police quickly arrived, brought the man out in cuffs, confirmed his identity with witnesses, and then took him away.

Come on, if you’re going to tell a bunch of beer drinkers their product is crap, at least come back with something better than White Claw. That shit is basically La Croix mixed with alcohol mixed with tap water. Why not just chug some pure grain alcohol like Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Seriously, was Florida Man visiting Brooklyn? Spin it again! Talk shows! Folks, last week it was reported that Rush Limbaugh has potentially terminal lung cancer. Which prompted an outpouring of support from conservatives everywhere while Democrats were asking the question “Should we feel remorse for someone we hate?”. Well the answer to that one is a very complex one. And there’s no easy answer.

The conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh said on his live show on Monday that he had advanced lung cancer.

He told listeners that he had noticed some shortness of breath but was not experiencing symptoms at the moment, and that he would continue working but would be absent from the show for a couple of days to undergo testing and determine a treatment plan.

“I can’t help but feel that I’m letting everybody down with this, but the upshot is that I have been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer,” Mr. Limbaugh, 69, said during his broadcast. He added that he first realized something was wrong on Jan. 12 and that the diagnosis had been confirmed by two medical institutions on Jan. 20.

“My heart’s in great shape, ticking away fine, squeezing and pumping great,” he said. “It was not that. It was a pulmonary problem involving malignancy. So I’m going to be gone the next couple days as we figure out the treatment course of action and have further testing done. But as I said, I’m going to be here as often as I can.”

Now come on, who knew that Rush had a heart to begin with? Oh now we kid, that’s the kind of joke we actually can make. And here’s one that isn’t. OK so Rush Limbaugh has said an awful lot of shit in the last 30 years. Among his greatest hits, he’s gone on Carr mocked rape victims, trashed disabled war veterans and famously had that beef with Michael J. Fox after his Parkinsons diagnosis. But you know what we don’t do? We don’t wish death on people we don’t agree with, even if they are ugly people both on the outside and inside. Just wait for nature to take its’ course.

A Milwaukee Public Schools teacher was placed on leave Wednesday for tweeting that he hopes conservative talk show pundit Rush Limbaugh dies a painful death from cancer.

Travis Sarandos, who teaches English at Milwaukee High School of the Arts, has since deleted his Twitter account.

Replying to a different tweet expressing hope that Limbaugh would recover and begin advocating for affordable health care, Sarandos wrote: "limbaugh absolutely should have to suffer from cancer. it's awesome that he's dying, and hopefully it is as quick as it is painful."

It drew a small firestorm after conservative radio host Mark Belling blasted the tweet in his blog Tuesday.

Milwaukee Public Schools initially said in an email to the USA TODAY Network's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that it was aware of the tweet, but that Sarandos was not speaking on behalf of the district or students or other staff. Hours later it confirmed he had been placed on leave pending an investigation.

Yeah no, we don’t encourage that kind of thing here. And if there’s one thing that you never, ever do, it’s piss off the cult. Because they will hold a grudge against you well into the next century. But here’s one thing that you should never, ever do – don’t ever, EVER celebrate that someone else has cancer, because it’s a shitty disease no matter who has it. And if you’re like the above teacher, really, there’s no time or place for that. Leave it to yourself.

Rush Limbaugh told his listeners on Monday that he has advanced lung cancer and, of course, social media lit up with partisan responses to the dire diagnosis revealed by America’s best known conservative radio talk show host.

This isn’t the first time Limbaugh has experienced hardship. It’s been reported that he was addicted to prescription drugs and he’s suffered a profound hearing loss, for example.

But cancer is something else altogether.

“This day has been one of the most difficult days in recent memory for me. I’ve known this moment is coming in the program,” Limbaugh said in comments quoted by national publications. “I’m sure that you all know by now that I really don’t like talking about myself and I don’t like making things about me. I like this program to be about you and the things that matter to all of us.”

We don’t know if Limbaugh’s diagnosis states that he has a short time left or if his situation is more hopeful than that. But we do know this, or at least we should: This news should not be met with celebration. It should not be met with laughter and high-fives. It should not be met with Twitter memes or wicked witch analogies.

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[font size="8"]Nazis On Parade
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Now entering the spin zone!! And it lands on… wait for it… A Random Tweet!!

You do realize that Larry David was making fun of you right? I mean if you watch the episode he claims that a MAGA hat is a “great people repellent”. I can’t even… . Spin it again! And it lands on… Racism! Now it’s time for *1920s news announcer voice* NAZIS On Parade On Parade! An EKO Initech Productions Newsreel! We go to the nation’s capital of Washington DC, where white nationalists took to the streets to demonstrate… racism? That’s just about all we can think of this latest march. Because what were they marching? And why were they covering their faces? This is one of the latest WTF events in the history like all bad things, it started after the 2016 election when everything started going to shit.

Police escorted masked members of a white nationalist group on a march through Washington’s National Mall on Saturday that Metropolitan Police said occurred without incident or arrests.

More than 100 members of the Patriot Front, dressed in khaki pants and caps, blue jackets and white face masks, shouted “Reclaim America!” and “Life, liberty, victory!” video of the march showed.

The Southern Poverty Law Center describes the Patriot Front as a white nationalist group that broke off from a similar organization, Vanguard America, in the aftermath of the deadly “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia in 2017.

At that rally, self-described neo Nazi James Fields drove his car into a group of counter-protesters, killing 32-year-old Heather Heyer. He was convicted of first-degree murder and sentenced to life in prison in 2018.

U.S. President Donald Trump drew criticism from his fellow Republicans as well as Democrats for saying that “both sides” were to blame for the deadly 2017 incident.

Yeah where’s that guy when you need him? I mean shit this gives new meaning to the phrase “some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses”. So first we had that insane gun rally in Virginia and now we have actual Nazis covering their faces marching through downtown Washington DC. Isn’t this certifiably insane? Of course we’re ready to go into CPAC and this isn’t helping.

A march by the white nationalist group Patriot Front was done near Union Station in Washington around 4 p.m. on Saturday.

The members of Patriot Front that were marching shouted, "Reclaim America" as they moved down the streets of D.C. The group would later end their march at a Walmart in the Union Station area, as some onlookers called them cowards, said WUSA9's Mike Valerio.

Those marching wore similar long-sleeve clothing, wit hats, masks, sunglasses and American flags. They were trailed and surrounded by police officers who were there to de-escalate any issues that arose.

The group, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, is an image-obsessed organization that rehabilitated the explicitly fascist agenda of Vanguard America with garish patriotism.

The SPLC added that Patriot Front focuses on "theatrical rhetoric and activism that can be easily distributed as propaganda for its chapters across the country."

Meanwhile, in Portland, the group that white nationalists hate and Trump fans love to take a shit on – Antifa, is back and up to their usual tricks. So here’s the thing – the Trump fans love to hate Antifa and they constantly refer to them as violent thugs. But really, if you read past the headlines, which they don’t, this was pretty much nothing. But that’s not what you would read if you venture into the conservative blog-o-sphere at all.

Three people were arrested following a lengthy demonstration in downtown Portland’s Lownsdale Square park Saturday afternoon, and police are searching for another individual who is believed to have vandalized a war memorial in an adjacent park.

Saturday’s demonstration came in response to a previous social media rumor that the Ku Klux Klan was organizing a white supremacy rally at or around the downtown Portland park Saturday.

No Klan rally took place. It’s not clear if an actual event had been organized.

Shortly after 8 a.m., Portland police tweeted, “The organizer for the [Klan] rally in front of the Multnomah County Courthouse has communicated to PPB he has cancelled the event planned for this morning and does not intend to show up. PPB continues to monitor the situation.”

Counter-protesters showed up regardless, including antifascist activists, or antifa.

So here’s the thing – there’s two groups of protestors. Both wear masks to hide their identities. Both are run by lunatics. And neither side has any idea who the other side is. All that happened was – a war memorial got defaced, and that is not cool. But then again neither is racism. So while both groups waste time, it would be a great idea if before this administration is over, to Scooby Doo these morons and find out who they really are.

A plinth slathered in paint during a political protest is nearly good as new — restored to not-quite pristine condition less than a day after it was vandalized.

Soldiers Monument, as the outdoor sculpture is usually called, has kept watch over downtown Portland's Lownsdale Square since 1906. A century or so later, it went viral.

A video with more than half a million views on Twitter shows several people spraypainting anti-police slogans across the obelisk during the tail end of an anti-KKK demonstration on Saturday, Feb. 10.

At 6 a.m. on Sunday, contractor crews using hot pressure water scrubbed the statue, leaving faint outlines of what was once there. The graffiti had been cloaked by a tarp overnight.

"We have a process for dealing with these type of incidents. They're not uncommon," said Heather Nelson Kent, a spokeswoman for the Regional Arts & Culture Council, which is tasked with taking care of the city's publicly-owned art.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: FBI Terror Watch List
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… Chance!!

Nice! I get a Get Out Of Jail Free card. I will just put that away for later. Spin it again! And it lands on… Top 10 Investigates!

Terrorism is a subject that is no laughing matter. When it comes to terrorism, what is more likely to happen? Are you more likely to die at the hands of an Al Qaeda terrorist, or are you more likely to die at the hands of your hardcore white nationalist cousin who has a safe full of guns and repeatedly makes threats against the government on Facebook? The answer is increasingly more and more likely to be the latter. As world governments are getting turned upside down by extreme disinformation on Facebook, white nationalists are becoming more and more of a threat by the day. As such, the FBI is taking new counter terrorism measures to combat this rising tide of hate and white supremacy all over the globe after completing their annual terror survey.

The FBI has elevated its assessment of the threat posed by racially motivated violent extremists in the U.S. to a "national threat priority" for fiscal year 2020, FBI director Christopher Wray said Wednesday. He said the FBI is placing the risk of violence from such groups "on the same footing" as threats posed to the country by foreign terrorist organizations such as ISIS and its sympathizers.

"Not only is the terror threat diverse — it's unrelenting," Wray said at an oversight hearing before the House Judiciary Committee.

Racially or ethnically motivated violent extremists, or domestic terrorists motivated by racial or religious hatred, make up a "huge chunk" of the FBI's domestic terrorism investigations, Wray said in statements before the Senate Homeland Security Committee last November. The majority of those attacks are "fueled by some type of white supremacy," he said.

Wednesday, Wray said combating domestic terrorism and its "close cousin," hate crimes, are at the "top of the priority list" for the FBI.

It’s quite possible that the FBI’s hate crime division is working overtime, the last thing they need is a few more hate crimes tacked on top of that, Homer! So where can you start seeing white nationalists pop up in professions? Well look at the military where troops have said to their superior officers that they have seen instances of white nationalism and hardcore racism pop up in recent weeks prior to the FBI’s annual survey.

More than one-third of all active-duty troops and more than half of minority service members say they have personally witnessed examples of white nationalism or ideological-driven racism within the ranks in recent months, according to the latest survey of active-duty Military Times readers.

The poll surveyed 1,630 active-duty Military Times subscribers last fall on their views about political leaders, global threats and domestic policy priorities. It offers a troubling snapshot of troops’ exposure to extremist views while serving despite efforts from military leaders to promote diversity and respect for all races.

The 2019 survey found that 36 percent of troops who responded have seen evidence of white supremacist and racist ideologies in the military, a significant rise from the year before, when only 22 percent — about 1 in 5 — reported the same in the 2018 poll.

Enlisted members were more likely than officers to witness the extremist views (37 percent to 27 percent). Minorities were significantly more likely to report cases of racist behavior than whites (53 percent to 30 percent).

Overall, troops who responded to the poll cited white nationalists as a greater national security threat than both domestic terrorism with a connection to Islam, as well as immigration.

Yes it was. But the director of the FBI himself has warned that domestic terrorism is on the rise, and most of the arrests involving hate crimes involve white supremacy. And in a not at all shocking twist, the FBI is promising to actually deal with a lot of the hate crimes that are on the rise. So when Nazis march down the street in your neighborhood, you can rest assured that the FBI is watching them.

FBI Director Christopher Wray said Tuesday that the agency has made about 100 domestic terrorism-related arrests since October, and the majority were tied to white supremacy.

”I will say that a majority of the domestic terrorism cases that we’ve investigated are motivated by some version of what you might call white supremacist violence, but it does include other things as well,” Wray said at a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, referring to cases in fiscal 2019, which began Oct. 1.

The FBI is “aggressively” investigating domestic terrorism and hate crimes, Wray said, noting that the bureau is focused on investigating the violence, not the ideology motivating the attacks.

Wray distinguished between what he termed homegrown violent extremism, wording he said the FBI uses to refer to people in United States who are inspired by global jihadists, and domestic extremism, which Wray described as broader to include racially motivated extremists, anarchists and others.

Now that the FBI is doing more to fight terrorism, you might want to ask yourself “Why isn’t the FBI doing more to fight white supremacy?”. Well, the answer of course lies in the Rage Against The Machine classic song “Killing In The Name Of” which has the lyric “Some of those who work forces / Are the same that burn crosses”. If that rings true, there is going to be a huge undertaking needed to sort out this mess after the dust has been settled.

Just two weeks ago, FBI director Christopher Wray was harshly criticized during a hearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee for the bureau's focus — or lack thereof — on white supremacist violence.

"The term 'white supremacist, ' 'white nationalist,' is not included in your statement to the committee when you talk about threats to America," Democratic Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois told Wray. "There is a reference to racism, which I think probably was meant to include that, but nothing more specific."

Wray responded that the FBI stopped using separate categories for white supremacists and "black identity extremists," but he added, "I will say that a majority of the domestic terrorism cases that we've investigated are motivated by some version of what you might call white supremacist violence."

This week, the FBI came under sharp scrutiny over how it addresses domestic terrorism inspired by white nationalism in the wake of two mass shootings over the weekend in El Paso, Texas, and Dayton, Ohio.

The FBI currently has 850 open domestic terrorism investigations. Of that number, 40% involve racially motivated violent extremism, and a majority of those cases involve white nationalists, the bureau said.

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, where does it stop? Oh hey it’s yet another Clip Without Context!

Yeah that will work! Let’s pray away a deadly virus! Right. Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Holy Shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Nashville! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation!! Is it OK to cancel someone who you don’t agree with? We live in an era where Nazis are marching in the streets and white supremacists have infiltrated our law enforcement, and pastors are saying extremely homophobic and sexist stuff, and nobody is questioning them on it. Now it could be the poison that is being ingested every day on your social media feeds. There is so much disinformation out there. And of course we don’t need people like Franklin Graham helping things, but I’m going to say that he should be cancelled. Of course, as you know, free speech is an absolute right in these United States, of which, I am free to mock religion as much as these guys are to preach it! And for that I am thankful! But what happens when a guy like Franklin Graham, who supports the unholy Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, when he takes his show on the road? This happens!

The Rev. Franklin Graham, a popular evangelist and son of the late Rev. Billy Graham, is planning a four-month gospel-preaching tour through the United Kingdom this summer.
But now, all seven of his scheduled venues have dropped him, citing his views on homosexuality and Islam. What are they saying?

CNN reported that on Wednesday an arena in Newcastle became the seventh and final venue to cancel Graham's scheduled appearance, following similar cancellations by venues in cities across the U.K., including Birmingham, Liverpool, Sheffield, and Glasgow.

The cancellation came after the regional LGBT groups joined with Newcastle City Council leader Nick Forbes to oppose the visit.

Forbes, who claims that Graham "peddles controversial, repulsive views about LGBT people" said he was "delighted" to hear the news.

"Instead of focusing on such divisions, we can now come together and look forward to hosting U.K. Pride here this summer," he added.

More than 5,000 people had signed a petition put on by Northern Pride calling for the event to be canceled. The petition argued that Graham has "publicly promoted homophobia."

That’s right miss! Oh my GAWD indeed! And this is the same England here? The one that is embracing fascism and dictatorships with their new Brexit model? But then again, homophobia is viewed much more differently abroad than it is in the States! And of course, if you can’t beat them, what is the answer my fair congregation? Sue!!! That’s right, Pastor Graham vows to sue the shit out of the areans that cancelled him!

The preacher son of US evangelist Billy Graham is threatening to sue eight British arenas that cancelled his shows after protests from the LGBT community.

Franklin Graham, 67, a vocal supporter of US President, Donald Trump, describes homosexuality as a 'sin' and is in favour of 'gay conversion therapy'.

The ACC Liverpool conference centre was the first to cancel one of his planned events saying last month that his views were 'incompatible' with their values and the Sheffield Arena followed soon after.

Since then venues in Glasgow, Newcastle, Cardiff, Birmingham, Milton Keynes and London have all followed suit.

But Graham said today his lawyers were fighting back claiming the venues had breached contracts and had discriminated against him because of his religious beliefs.

He also remains unrepentant on his 'homophobic' views and even claimed that the Queen would agree with him.

Maybe don’t call that guy if you’re planning a lawsuit! But that said, Mr. Graham is still insisting on going on his full UK tour. Because let’s face it, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and you must be a supporter of the Unholy Dark One, and the world turning to the Dark Side! But is Franklin Graham really a champion of LGBT rights? I would most certainly think not. And why would people come to listen to him anyways? At least if you come to my church – all are welcome and all are pure in the eyes of the LAWRD JAYSUS!!! Can I get an amen???

While several venues have canceled events planned for Franklin Graham in the United Kingdom, citing objections to his views on homosexuality, the evangelist is not calling off his eight-date tour of the country and has instead asked his supporters to pray that the doors remain open for the Gospel.

Graham, the son of the late evangelist Billy Graham, was booked to speak at the International Convention Centre Wales in Newport on June 14, but the event has been canceled, according to WalesOnline.

Jayne Bryant, Assembly Member for Newport West, said Graham has “a long record of preaching hate, prejudice and intolerance" and called for the event to be canceled due to her concerns and those raised by LGBTQ charity Pride Cymru.

Earlier, Liverpool ACC and Glasgow SEC also pulled out of hosting events for Graham. So did Sheffield City Trust for a planned event at Sheffield Arena.

Despite some cancellations, Graham, who leads the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, said on Saturday that he's “looking forward to preaching the Gospel across the UK in late May & June.”

Except when there is judgement, good Rev! But even if you are cancelled at every single venue in the UK, can you still go there? Would you defy the Queen? Well apparently the concept of “cancel culture” doesn’t apply to the far right! Apparently you can be cancelled and still go there anyways! Now that’s funny because I don’t remember in the Bible where JAYSUS got cancelled and still went on an arena tour! Maybe that arena tour got reduced to civic centers and golf course country clubs?

A planned tour of Britain by the American evangelist Franklin Graham, an outspoken social conservative and a vocal supporter of President Trump, will move forward despite being dropped by venues over concerns about his past statements, according to organizers.

The tour, which features a series of messages from the Bible and concerts that aim to teach biblical principles, is scheduled to begin on May 30 in Glasgow before making stops in Newcastle, Liverpool, Birmingham and elsewhere. But late last month, a convention center in Liverpool announced that it would no longer be hosting Mr. Graham after being made aware of statements it viewed as “incompatible” with its values.

“In light of this we can no longer reconcile the balance between freedom of speech and the divisive impact this event is having in our city,” the venue, ACC Liverpool, said in a statement.

Over the next days, other venues across the country made similar announcements. In Milton Keynes, for instance, the Marshall Arena said it had canceled its own Graham event over concerns that it could “lead to a breach of the peace.” Now, no date on the tour’s website has a designated venue, and all the locations are listed as “TBA.”

So if you see Franklin Graham preaching on that free speech corner in Hyde Park, that might be the only place where he’s allowed to do so in the UK. And he’ll sound just as crazy as the guy next to him! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Got Milk?
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… oh it’s another one of our patented clips without context!

News Nazis, by the way, that’s the name of my new metalcore band. We’re playing the Troubadour this weekend! Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Beating A Dead Hore!

OK I’ll admit that one of my favorite films last year was Joker. Yes, it deserved all the accolades it got and Joaquin Phoenix easily deserved Best Actor. That said, he is one weird fucking dude. Do not give this guy an open mike. Because it really felt like a Joker speech. I kept waiting for him to say “YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE!!!”. You know what? Before we go any further let’s roll the clip.

Whew, there was a lot to pack in that clip. Now before we go and dissect this whole thing, we got to talk about all the people that Mr. Phoenix pissed off in this clip. So Laura Dern and Brad Pitt both had great speeches and then there was this. So while I’m sure his intentions were good, the message came off weird.

For weeks, Joaquin Phoenix has been a favorite to take home Best Actor at the 2020 Oscars—and sure enough, he collected the statuette at the Dolby Theatre on Sunday night. But leading up to Phoenix’s big victory—his first win in the category—many rightfully wondered what Phoenix might say. At the Golden Globes in January, after all, Phoenix created a viral moment when he called out his fellow actors for taking private jets—and that was just one of many impassioned moments on his Oscar campaign trail. Sure enough, the Joker actor delivered the speech of a lifetime on Sunday night—a meandering address that managed to touch on human selfishness, artificial bovine insemination, and the actor’s late brother, River Phoenix.

“I think the greatest gift that [acting] has given me and many of us in this room is the opportunity to use our voice for the voiceless,” Phoenix said as he collected his trophy. “I’ve been thinking a lot about some of these distressing issues that we are facing collectively, and I think sometimes we feel or are made to feel that we champion different causes. But for me I see commonality.”

“I think whether we’re talking about gender and equality, or racism, or queer rights, or indigenous rights, or animal rights, we’re talking about the fight against injustice,” Phoenix continued, “We’re talking about the fight against the belief that one people, one race, one gender, one species has the right to dominate, control, use, and exploit another with impunity.”

Yeah that escalated quickly. So in one sentence we go from talking about gender rights and equality to talking about artificially inseminating cows, because reasons. And come on, do we really need this guy talking about award speeches that criticize hard working, every day people? Celebrities aren’t like us, they don’t have to deal with credit checks and getting ejected from places and being denied buying something and maxing out credit cards. So Ricky Gervais, you’re not helping.

Ricky Gervais is warning celebrities against political speeches after a number of them spoke out at the Oscars over the weekend, saying that the comments to "everyday, hard working people" at Hollywood awards shows usually backfire.

"I have nothing against the most famous people in the world using their privileged, global platform to tell the world what they believe," the comedian and five-time Golden Globes host tweeted Monday, a day after the 92nd annual Academy Awards.

"I even agree with most of it," Gervais said to his more than 14 million followers. "I just tried to warn them that when they lecture everyday, hard working people, it has the opposite effect."

Gervais's comments came after several stars got political at this year's Academy Awards.

Brad Pitt made mention of President Trump's impeachment trial, while Joaquin Phoenix made a plea for animal rights, saying people "go into the natural world and we plunder it for its resources."

In an apparently since-deleted tweet, Gervais said of Phoenix's Oscars speech, "I think he's great."

Dude come on, even the Joker thinks this is full of shit. And I thought my jokes were bad! But here’s the thing – why are people just griping on and on about cancel culture? Have you seen TV lately? Nothing gets cancelled anymore! I mean shit, Arrested Development got cancelled by Fox and they got two extra seasons on Netflix! And if you attempt to cancel something, it will just make people want to do it more, come on, we saw that with the Tomahawk Chip.

There comes a time in an actor’s life when they find themselves seated in the Dolby Theater for the 12th consecutive hour, and they are either working on their face of gracious defeat for when their name is not called out as a winner, or they are optimistically going over a victory speech in their head, ensuring they don’t forget this producer or that agent or that grip on stage. (Or they are running around the bar, asking why the Academy can’t “just do another ‘Shallow,’” which is probably the only reason I have not been invited to the Oscars.) On Sunday night, we got two excellent speeches from actors, and two less excellent ones: Brad Pitt and Laura Dern mixed the intimate with the courteous, thanking their famous families and famous co-stars and reflecting on lives spent in front of the camera. Lead acting winners Joaquin Phoenix and Renée Zellweger, however, had speeches of a different flavor up their sleeves.

It has been said, correctly and coincidentally by me, that Joe Pesci delivered the best-ever Oscar acceptance speech: “It was my privilege. Thank you.” But people keep winning Oscars, so people keep giving Oscar speeches. Today, in the glow of Parasite’s Best Picture win, we are gathered here to decipher two of the most puzzling acceptance speeches from the night: Zellweger accepting her award for playing Judy Garland in Judy, and Phoenix accepting his award for King of Comedy, Revisited, excuse me, that’d be Joker.


Congratulations to the other nominees! I wish you the best, but at another awards show, during another year, on another stage, ideally when I am not also competing.

Well so thank the other actors and actresses, who might win awards on shows that I am not competing on, OK makes sense! But be careful about who you speak to, Joaquin and Renee, because you could accidentally piss off the wrong people. Except of course for the guy that we call president, and he constantly pisses off the wrong people. Yeah, don’t be like that guy!

It’s been a fruitful awards season for Joaquin Phoenix, who has dominated this year’s circuit thanks to his role as the title character in Joker. Phoenix won Best Actor at the Golden Globes, the Critics’ Choice Awards, the SAG Awards, and the BAFTA Film Awards, among others. He’s now the favorite to win at the Oscars on Sunday—a prospect that might make some of the people watching a little bit uneasy.

Phoenix has been a formidable and unpredictable presence at the podium, going beyond the routine expressions of gratitude in his acceptance speeches to chastise the audience for their hypocrisy on climate change or to draw attention to the lack of the diversity at the very awards ceremony that just honored him. Though he may preach and provoke, he’s been self-deprecating and self-aware about it. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want to rock the boat. But the boat is [censored] rocked,” he said during his Golden Globes speech, to laughter.

Climate change was the major theme of Phoenix’s acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama at the Golden Globes in January. “First, I would like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press for recognizing and acknowledging the link between animal agriculture and climate change,” began Phoenix, who had urged the organization to adopt a vegan menu. “It’s a very bold move making tonight plant-based and it really sends a powerful message.” But that spoonful of sugar was soon followed by a dose of medicine when Phoenix (acknowledging that he himself has “not always been a virtuous man”) suggested that those present could all do better than sending well wishes to an Australia on fire, such as by cutting down on the “private jets to Palm Springs.”

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[font size="8"]No! Dave Daubenmire NFL Suit
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… CHANCE!

Stupid bleeping poor tax!!!! Spin it again. And it lands on… NO!

OK before we go any further, this is a topic that would normally be reserved for a Holy Shit but our resident pastor is tied up with news about Franklin Graham, the shit storm in Virginia, and the National Prayer Breakfast, so by the time he gets around to it, it will be yesterday’s news. That said, this is a big fat “NO!!!” and I really hope that he gets laughed out of court for this one. So our good friend Dave Daubenmire – the hate mongerer who calls himself a “coach” is planning to sue the NFL because they featured Jennifer Lopez and Shakira – two extremely attractive Hispanic singers and dancers, in very tight and revealing clothing. Now don’t boo yet, is the Super Bowl halftime show now a porno show or is it a Pepsi commercial? Let’s find out.

Radical right-wing activist Dave Daubenmire spent most of his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast yesterday threatening to sue the National Football League for broadcasting unsolicited “crotch shots” into his home during the Super Bowl halftime show, thereby jeopardizing his eternal salvation.

“I think we ought to sue,” he said. “Would that halftime show, would that have been rated PG? Were there any warnings that your 12-year-old son—whose hormones are just starting to operate—was there any warning that what he was going to see might cause him to get sexually excited?”

“I think we ought to go sit down in a courtroom and present this as evidence of how whoever [put on the halftime show] is keeping me from getting into the kingdom of Heaven,” Daubenmire added. “Could I go into a courtroom and say, ‘Viewing what you put on that screen put me in danger of hellfire’? Could the court say, ‘That doesn’t apply here because the right to [produce] porn overrides your right to [not] watch it’? Yeah, well, you didn’t tell me I was gonna watch it! You just brought it into my living room. You didn’t tell me there were gonna be crotch shots!”

Daubenmire declared that the halftime performance was a blatant example of anti-Christian discrimination because he should be able to watch the Super Bowl without having to see things that conflict with his values.

“That’s discriminatory against the value I have in my house. You can’t just do that,” he argued. “I wanna sue them for about $867 trillion.”

Holy fucking shit!!! $867 trillion??? I’d be fine with $867. Hell, I’d be fine with $86.70. We’re not exactly raking in that sweet advertising revenue. And I like that he’s including his local cable company in the mix because, reasons. It’s like when you sign up for an internet bundle and they try to sweeten the deal by including a land line. Ooh, land line!!!! But here’s my favorite part of this lawsuit. Does Dave even know what a porn show is? Or does he spend way too much time watching Porn Hub?

The fallout from the Super Bowl LIV halftime show continues with one man so shook from seeing the skin of Jennifer Lopez and Shakira that he plans on suing the NFL, Pepsi and his local cable company.

Dave Daubenmire, a Christian activist who is clearly trying to get attention for a podcast he hosts, has announced that because viewing the halftime show in which J-Lo and Shakira gyrated in skimpy outfits for about 15 minutes could put him "in danger of hellfire," he's ready to take action.

The Ohio native, who claims he turned off the halftime show because he didn't want to "let that spirit in my house" is angered about the crotch shots and took to Facebook to ask for a lawyer to help him file a lawsuit for "pandering pornography" and "contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

"I tuned in to watch a football game. I didn't tune in to watch a porn show," said Daubenmire before launching into a very creepy analogy about having "attractive" daughters and how he can't bring them to their school to pole dance and twerk.

To understand how serious Daubenmire is about this, he says in his video that he wants to sue the NFL, Pepsi, which sponsored the halftime show, local cable companies and, "I'm sure we can dig up a few more." Yes, he doesn't know exactly who he wants to sue, but he's going to sue them.

Why would I give Daubenmire all this attention, you might be wondering? Simple. I'm in the content business so I want to help Daubenmire find a lawyer for his ridiculous lawsuit because the content that would come out of it would be AMAZING.

What is it with creepy looking old white dudes and attractive women? Why are they so weird? Well, Dave is definitely no stranger to that while also demeaning others who aren’t straight white, manliest men of all males. But really the second video tells us way more about Dave Daubenmire’s sexual preferences than we ever cared to know. Ew.

Ohio minister and far-right commentator Dave Daubenmire is not happy about the "crotch-grabbing" Super Bowl halftime show with Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. In a seven-minute video filmed from his car, Daubenmire announced he plans to sue the NFL, Fox, and Pepsi for "contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

"I've been pondering all day the debauchery of last night's Super Bowl halftime, which by the way I didn't even have it come into my house I turned it off," he started the video. "Just because of past Super Bowls, knew what it was gonna be like and didn't wanna let that spirit come into my house. But I viewed some stuff today, I didn't watch the whole thing but I saw parts of it today... I saw a lot of crotch shots."

Clutching his pearls, he said he's looking for a lawyer to help him with a class action lawsuit against the show, which he described as a "strip club performance." He continued, "I think we ought to go sit down in a courtroom and present this as evidence of how whoever is keeping me from getting into the kingdom of Heaven." He claimed that the show "penetrated the sanctity of my home."

Daubenmire went on to accuse the NFL of having an "agenda," and stated that Jennifer Lopez and Shakira are corrupting children. Worse yet, on Monday he also felt the need to imply that if people were looking to procure pornography, they wouldn't seek out someone J-Lo's age and that she is too old to be wearing revealing outfits. "J-Lo is 50," he said. "You go on a porn website, you’re not looking for 50-year-old women."

Seriously, Dave, you’re the one with the agenda! And I think we all know how you get your jollies, and I have to say, hard pass. You also know, nobody is forcing a gun to your head to watch the Super Bowl half time show. But who’s going to take up a lawsuit for $867 trillion dollars just because you got a hard on watching J. Lo? Good luck with that, and you’ll probably get laughed out of court at the most.

Regardless of which side of the argument you fall on, it's undeniable that Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show was a polarizing one.

One Ohio man, however, plans on taking his criticism of the performance a step further than most.

In a video posted to his Facebook page earlier this week, Dave Daubenmire revealed his wish to sue the NFL, the show's sponsor, Pepsi and his local cable provider for the halftime show, which was headlined by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. A minister and former high school football coach, Daubenmire described the halftime show as a "strip club performance" and said that he was upset that it aired without properly advising viewers.

"There was no warning. There was no 'caution: under the age of 18' or 'caution: under the age of 13,'" Daubenmire said. "We were watching a football game. People tuned in to watch a football game and what do you know, the next thing you have in front of you? You've got debauchery. Folks, are we going to protect our children or not?"

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… Oh hey another clip without context!

No it’s just a bunch of idiots with too much time on their hands jamming the phones. But thanks for playing, Rick! Spin it again! Oh and it’s time for I Need A Drink!

Hey everyone after all the crazy and horrifying news this week, whether it’s conservatives throwing out the rule of law in favor of one party rule, or that conservative trolls were attempting to sabotage the Iowa primaries, or the fact that an uncontrollable super virus from China is most likely going to kill us all, the only remedy is a good strong cocktail. Or a beer. I’ll take either, I’m not picky. But this is the segment where we have some drinks and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. This week, we’re going to talk fragrances. Sold by celebrities. So tell me, bartender, what goes well with a story about perfume? A plum soaked in perfume served in a hat? Can you even drink that? I’ll just take my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. Well, when it comes to fragrances, we of course look to one of the trend setters, Gwyneth Paltrow, who, with her venerable GOOP brand, helped sell this peculiar product.

Truly, has any vagina ever been as fruitful as Gwyneth Paltrow’s? It has birthed discussions of vaginal steaming, vaginal jade eggs, $15,000 dildos, something called “sex dust” and a photo of Gwyneth standing in a giant vagina to advertise some inevitable Netflix documentary/reality TV series crossover. Because Gwyneth no longer has just her head up her vagina; she has crawled all the way inside. I am torn between suggesting this is a very advanced yoga position accessible only to those who have endless free time to practise, and pointing out this is The Human Centipede, but for extreme narcissists. Let’s go with both.

So Gwyneth has made a candle called This Smells Like My Vagina because, well, of course she has. It is priced at a comparatively bargain £58, which was pretty much what the sex dust cost, which makes me think Gwyneth is underpricing her vagina, really, if she is just selling it for the price of a load of old dust. And I say “was what the sex dust cost” because the sex dust, like the vagina candle, sold out.

Yes, Gwyneth’s vagina has been good to us, but it has primarily been good to her. Well, in the main. As all of us ladies know, sometimes there can be problems in that department, and while most of us sort ours out with a dose of Canesten, Gwyneth’s vagina problem, in classic Gwyneth fashion, ended up costing her $145,000 (£110,000). This was in 2018 when her near-notorious wellness company, Goop, was fined under California’s civil penalties laws for making what was described as “unsubstantiated” marketing claims about the aforementioned jade egg. It turns out, incredibly, that shoving a random object up your vagina won’t “balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, prevent uterine prolapse and increase bladder control”.

2020 is a great year to be alive, isn’t it? I’ll drink to that! I mean really when aliens land on this Earth 200 years from now, they will look back at GOOP and go “WTF! Why hasn’t this species been conquered already by now?”. And really I’ll take medical advice from someone who recommended that women should shove plastic eggs up their vaginal cavities. Come on people, let’s get real here. As if that’s not enough, Erika Badu took Paltrow’s idea and said “hold my incense!”.

Vagina-scented home fragrances are having a moment, and could well take over from the cosy, wintry aromas that are still filling our homes with a warm-from-the-cookie-oven glow.

Your Magic Winter Forest candle may well make you feel as though you’re snuggled up in an adorable pine log cabin, but can it ever compete with inhaling the intimate bouquet of a celebrity’s nether regions?

Following in the Goopy footsteps of Gwyneth Paltrow, Grammy award-winning singer-songwriter Erykah Badu is set to release an NSFW incense inspired by fragrances from her own lady garden..

And now, thanks to a pungent new incense product, you don’t even need to be within sniffing distance of Badu to fall under the mythical spell of her velvet vault.

Described as an ‘olfactory tribute to what Badu calls her “superpower”‘, this straight-to-the-point incense line will be called ‘Badu’s P*ssy’.

Maybe grounded up used panties are the secret ingredient to Sex Panther? Yeah probably. Now here’s the thing guys, you might be thinking “Where’s the This Smells Like My Penis” candle? Well I first off am sad to report that one actually exists. But here’s the thing – even if it does exist, there’s no way, shape or form it has the same impact. Nobody wants a penis candle in their face. Penis Candle, saw them at the Troubadour, by the way, awesome band.

Twitter was flooded with jokes, outraged comments, and labia-themed memes last week when Gwyneth Paltrow's controversial wellness company, Goop, released a $75 vagina-scented candle called "This Smells Like My Vagina."

Now, there is another genital-themed candle hitting the market.

For those inclined, a $100 candle called "This Smells Like My Penis" will soon be available to purchase online.

It is exactly the same scent, shape and size as Goop's candle, but this one, made by a Canadian ad agency, is designed to raise awareness about the gender pay gap in Canada.

"The Smells Like My Penis candle is no different from The Smells Like My Vagina candle, except for no apparent reason it's worth 25% more," Allegra Weisenfeld, a junior copy writer for Taxi Agency, told Insider.

Ahh!!! Damn, did I need that! But here’s the thing – no matter what brand of junk science you subscribe to – whether it’s Paltrow’s GOOP, Alex Jones’ Infowars, or some guy with an anti-vaxxer blog on Facebook, you should be aware of the key word “junk”. Sure, it might be fun to play around with junk science, but when your hair starts falling out and you can’t taste your tongue, don’t say that we didn’t warn you.

On Jan. 24, Goop, actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle company long criticized for peddling pseudoscience, launched its Netflix documentary series, The Goop Lab. The six-part series covers subjects such as “energy healing,” exorcisms, and cold therapy.

In the show, various Goop employees ⁠— a young and diverse crowd — try such health fads as vampire facials, in which the client’s own blood is drawn and applied to the face, supposedly to promote cell renewal. Another thing they try is the Wim Hof method, which involves jumping into an icy lake after meditation and breathing exercises.

⁠⁠"Something The Goop Lab does is sprinkle in a bit of science by talking about some interesting, real research going on," said Tim Caulfield, the research director of the University of Alberta’s Health Law Institute and author of Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?: When Celebrity Culture and Science Clash. “That makes everything that follows seem more legitimate. I call that science-ploitation, using real science to sell pseudoscience.”

Caulfield said that research shows when companies use scientific-sounding language to sell their products, it makes their products seem more legitimate to consumers. He pointed to the cosmetics industry, where brands throw around such scientific phrases as “stem cells" and “cannabinoids.”

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep. 23: WTF Iowa???
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Let’s give the wheel one final spin this week! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Go to jail? Nooooooooo!!!!

Wait, I’ve got that Get Out Of Jail Free card! Sweet! Spin it again! it’s time for Keeping Up With The Candidates!

Welcome back to our 2020 Voters’ Guide called Keeping Up With The Candidates! Yes, we’re 11 months out so we had better be prepared, damn it!! So to recap, in the last few weeks, we’ve discussed the beef between Tulsi and Hillary, we’ve discussed the infighting among Bernie Bros, and we’ve discussed the dropouts including Julian Castro and Bill DeBlasio. Now that we’re supposed to be heading into the primaries, we may have a clear favorite. Or not. The GOP is still up to their dirty tricks. And they played extremely dirty in Iowa. Who was the winner there, we may never know for sure. On one hand Mayor Pete was winning but then Bernie claimed a surge. The real winner here out of all of this? The voting machines.

Those of us who tuned in on Monday night to see the results from the Iowa caucuses were surprised to learn that a poorly-designed smartphone app prevented proper compilation of the results. We were even more surprised Tuesday morning when there still were no official results.

This led to conflicting reports on who really won, and all sorts of conspiracy theories.

More seriously, it caused some pundits to argue that our voting systems will never be secure or reliable. That is simply wrong.

Rather, we should learn from the mistakes made in Iowa and work to make the American election process more robust and trusted. Among the lessons to be learned:

Accurate problem identification. Understandably, much of the discussion about the malicious hacking of elections focuses on cyberattacks on voting machines. But, in Iowa’s caucuses, no voting machines were used. Instead caucus-goers showed up and expressed their preferences publicly. The problems were with the reporting of vote tallies, with the way the app malfunctions were communicated, and with crazy, false reporting that was tweeted and retweeted across the internet.

Well that’s another issue entirely. But that said maybe I don’t know, actually test out the voting equipment before you deploy it next time? Also, maybe don’t make critical phone numbers public before hand? I mean shit, I’m no cyber security expert and I could have seen this coming! Now that said, in a very “Well duh!!!” tone of voice, this could have some potential setbacks for voting by cell phone app. Gee, ya think???

A coding flaw and lack of sufficient testing of an application to record votes in Monday's Iowa Democratic Presidential Caucus will likely hurt the advancement and uptake of online voting.

While there have been hundreds of tests of mobile and online voting platforms in recent years – mostly in small municipal or corporate shareholder and university student elections – online voting technology has yet to be tested for widespread use by the general public in a national election.

“This is one of the cases where we narrowly dodged a bullet,” said Jeremy Epstein, vice chair of the Association for Computing Machinery’s US Technology Policy Committee (USTPC). “The Iowa Democratic Party had planned to allow voters to vote in the caucus using their phones; if this sort of meltdown had happened with actual votes, it would have been an actual disaster. In this case, it's just delayed results and egg on the face of the people who built and purchased the technology.”

The vote tallying app used yesterday in the Iowa Caucus was created by a small Washington-based vendor called Shadow Inc.; the app was funded in part by a nonprofit progressive digital strategy firm named Acronym. Today, Acronyn strived to make it clear through a tweet it did not supply the technology for the Iowa Caucus, and it is no more than an investor.

You know what – if you’re trying to go for a transparent election, maybe don’t buy software from a company called “Shadow Inc”? I’m just saying. That said, what can we expect when the campaign heads to New Hampshire for the next caucus? Well, thanks to the Iowa debacle, you can now expect an Adrian Monk level of phobia when it comes to protecting our vote in the next primary.

There will be no app malfunctions during the New Hampshire primary for one simple reason: There will be no apps. In the troubled aftermath of the Iowa caucuses, officials in charge of the state’s elections on Tuesday are touting their stubbornly analog approach to voting. Rather than overhauling polling places with mobile apps and voting machines, the Granite State has long opted to stick with democracy’s old faithfuls: pencils and paper ballots. According to officials, not only does the state’s electoral Luddism result in fewer glitches, but it also acts as an old-school cybersecurity measure. “You can’t hack a pencil” has become something of a catchphrase for New Hampshire Secretary of State Bill Gardner in the run-up to the primary.

Most polling places in New Hampshire use printed voting registration lists, instead of tablets and laptops, to check people in (poll workers in North Carolina, in contrast, recently had trouble with getting poll books to function on laptops). People then receive a paper ballot, though voters with disabilities can use voting machines, as is required by federal law. The machines, however, ultimately mark a physical ballot. The ballots then go through optical scanners that have all their external ports except for the one for power disabled, and which are programmed by computers disconnected from the internet. (In its 2019 report on Russian election meddling, the Senate’s Select Committee on Intelligence found that paper ballots and scanners, while not perfect, are nevertheless the “least vulnerable to cyber-attack” compared to other voting systems.) While voting in New Hampshire is not completely lacking in digital components, the core mechanism is pencil to paper, rather than finger to touchscreen.

New Hampshire is by no means problem-proof. According to the Concord Monitor, the local government is looking replace some of the optical scanners it uses to scan ballots because they’re more than two decades old and still run on Windows XP, which Microsoft stopped supporting in 2014. If the scanners fail, though, the backup plan is to go back to counting votes manually. In general, the state tends to pass up voting technology trends. During the 2000 election between George W. Bush and Al Gore, the state decided not to use the Votomatic punch card ballots that ended up producing hanging chads in Florida, leading to a controversial recount and Supreme Court case.

Ah that’s the kind of thinking we need here in this election. But how do you prevent what happened in Iowa from happening again? On one hand, we have one extreme in Iowa. And in the other extreme, we have New Hampshire. Can you find a common ground between the two extremes? Can you? Leave it of course to my home state of California to come up with the solution. We think.

Department of Elections staff makes preparations for the March 3 election at San Francisco City Hall. Winners may not be known for days after the election.
2of8Department of Elections staff makes preparations for the March 3 election at San Francisco City Hall. Winners may not be known for days after the election.Photo: Liz Hafalia / The Chronicle
The Department of Elections takes questions from voters in preparation for election day March 3 at San Francisco City Hall.
3of8The Department of Elections takes questions from voters in preparation for election day March 3 at San Francisco City Hall.Photo: Liz Hafalia / The Chronicle

An election night, Iowa-style voting debacle isn’t going to happen in California on March 3. But that doesn’t mean primary voters — and anxious Democratic presidential candidates — are going to know the winners that night, or even that week.

California is a huge state with millions of voters, which is reason enough to ensure that nothing moves quickly. Combine that with a statewide commitment to ensure that the most people possible have their votes accurately tallied, and the result is a slow-moving count.

“Californians should be assured that elections officials across the state work diligently to ensure an accurate and secure vote count,” Secretary of State Alex Padilla said in a statement Tuesday. “All aspects of every election — from the printing and mailing to the counting of ballots — are administered by professional elections officials, not political parties.”

Swiftness, however, is not the most important goal, he added.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Now that Bernie has been gaining momentum in the primaries, we are going to take a look at his ever-growing fan base, called The Bernie Bros, and why are they so angry?

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]The Lumineers[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a great new album out called “III”. You can see them on tour this summer coming to stadiums near you. Playing their song “Gloria”, give it up for The Lumineers!

Thank you Nashville! We are off to the University Of Michigan next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
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