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Wed Jan 29, 2020, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-4: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Angry Edition

Last edited Wed Jan 29, 2020, 05:34 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-4: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Angry Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Miami? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Finally I get to be someplace warm in the winter! We’ve been up north for a while but man has it been cold! OK I got to be honest we had a much different edition planned for this week but Sunday with the tragic passing of Kobe Bryant happening, well, we got to address that. Don’t worry we will get to the conservative idiocy and possibly a few conspiracy theories and Alex Jones maybe calling it a “false flag” – you know he will – next week. But you can’t deny that Kobe was a legend and the way his life ended on Sunday is just an absolute tragedy. And I will tell you that you’re definitely not going to find solace in my bullshit. No, you’re here because you want to find out which politician showed their dick pick or which politician is suing a cow. Or which member of the Democratic party Trump called a derogatory name to in the last five minutes. And yeah it’s that guy in case you were aware. But this week has had such a weird feel to it, like how do you go on and make fun of Devin Nunes suing a Twitter handle that has the same name as his cow? Just where do you go? It’s just one of those things where you can’t find answers, just entertainment. And we hope that we can provide that for you. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first while Trump screams “READ THE TRANSCRIPT!!!”, Jordan Klepper of the Daily Show asks “Well, have you?”.

The impeachment trial is turning into quite the shit show isn’t it? In the first slot this week we are going to talk about the Impeachment Trial Of Donald J. Trump (1, 2) and in the first slot we're talking about John Bolton's role in this whole shindigl. In the second slot, while Trump is screaming at people to "read the transcript", have people? Have they? Probably not. In the third slot this week is the Doomsday Clock (3), which thanks to religious conservatives, has ticked another few seconds to midnight, where does that end? Also, cue your favorite Iron Maiden song here. In the number 4 slot this week is a new edition of “We’re All Gonna Die” (4), and are you aware that a new supervirus originating in China is being spread through Asia and has landed in the US? Well, we’re all gonna die!!! In the fifth slot this week, is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week we’re going to investigate a bizarre claim from Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos about his phone getting hacked by the Saudis – how true is it? Spoiler alert! Probably. In the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and our resident pastor attended the annual March For Life in Washington DC, and he’s got some thoughts about what he saw. In the seventh slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” (7). So last week we reported the Houston Astros are dirty cheaters who cheat, but the Los Angeles City Council is taking the concept of “sore loser” to brand new heights! Taking the 8th slot this week, is a new “This Fucking Guy” (8) and we are going to profile the CEO of MyPillow – Mike Lindell, who is a conservative, full MAGA, pro life enthusiast. Yeah puke. And in the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week, we *had* a new I Need A Drink planned before the Kobe tragedy, but we decided that we couldn’t make fun of the death of Mr. Peanut at this time, so instead we have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! And finally this week, in our 2020 voters’ guide “Keeping Up With The Candidates”, Tulsi Gabbard is suing Hillary Clinton for claims that she is a Russian asset, but how true is it? We will find out! Plus the palate cleanser, we have some live music from our good friends Cold War Kids! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Impeachment: Part 1
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Impeachment is all over the news and we got to talk about it. But the specific angle that I want to talk about is everyone’s favorite mustachioed James Bond villain sidekick John Bolton. Yes, Bolton’s testimony could be the final nail in the coffin for the Donald J. Trump administration. But most likely probably not. Really this thing with Bolton is turning out to be quite the shit show. Seriously, even Fox News is turning against Bolton. And what do you have to do being a member of the GOP to get Fox News to turn on you?

Former National Security Advisor John Bolton had doubts that President Donald Trump was acting in America's best interests according to a new report, as U.S. politics reels from bombshell allegations reportedly made in the former diplomat's forthcoming book.

Bolton left the administration in September, having clashed with the president on a range of foreign policy issues. Democrats have been pushing for the 71-year-old to testify in Trump's impeachment trial, demands amplified by fresh reports over the contents of his next book.

The Washington Post reported Monday that Bolton was "regularly appalled" by the behavior of the president, citing people close to the fired national security advisor. A person familiar with the book added that Bolton was unsure if Trump was motivated by U.S. interests or by "nefarious" goals, according to the Post. Neither of the newspaper's sources were named.

Bolton's manuscript has given a shot in the arm to Democratic efforts to have witnesses testify at Trump's trial, which the White House and Republican senators have thus far resisted.

So Bolton is defecting! This is quite the interesting turn of events. As the entire world is creeping toward fascism, anti-globalism, and hard right dictatorships. Is this what we really want? I know that I definitely do not want this! Can a guy who was formerly on the inside of the UN be the one to stop this? Quick! To the dictator-mobile! These guys are extremely loud and incredibly angry! Can’t believe I pulled that reference out, did you? Well I’ve got plenty more where that came from!

President Donald Trump's defense lawyers rested with more of a whimper than a bang Tuesday — resigned, perhaps, to the possibility that their boss's time in the crucible of a Senate impeachment trial will not come to an immediate end.

Trump's lawyers even appeared to undermine their own assertions that former national security adviser John Bolton, whose forthcoming book reportedly corroborates the allegation that the president tied U.S. aid for Ukraine to political investigations, should not testify.

Facing stiff headwinds in the form of growing Senate interest in hearing Bolton's story and national polling showing strong public support for witness testimony, the president's defense team quietly appealed for a summary acquittal.

"It will show that you put the Constitution above partisanship," White House counsel Pat Cipollone told senators in closing a nearly three-hour presentation by the defense. "It will show that we can come together on both sides of the aisle and end the era of impeachment for good. ... You know it should end."

So let me get this straight – while Trump’s lawyers were arguing that the trial should be over as quickly as possible, Bolton’s book that is coming out may be the very thing that extends it? Get ready everybody because this could be a very long trial. But the good news is – John Bolton may have very well proven Nancy Pelosi’s claims. This would make him the anti-hero hero of the Democratic Party. You know, like Walter White, but without the meth.

Nancy Pelosi was right.

The Speaker of the House has not been present in the Senate chambers during the impeachment trial of President Trump, but Pelosi's presence looms large over the proceedings. And one of her most consequential choices in pursuing that impeachment — refusing to submit the Articles of Impeachment to the Senate until after the holidays — is bearing fruit: She wanted the Senate trial to include witness testimony, a prospect that seems much more likely now than it did just a few days ago.

Why? Thank John Bolton.

The New York Times on Sunday reported that Bolton, President Trump's former national security adviser, had written a book in which he says Trump told him he wanted to withhold military assistance to Ukraine until that country's officials there helped with an investigation into former Vice President Joe Biden. On Monday, the Times added that Bolton privately told Attorney General William Barr last year he was worried that Trump was granting personal favors to autocratic leaders.

Big stuff. So big, in fact, that Republicans who had seemed opposed to introducing witness testimony at the impeachment trial — preferring instead to rely wholly on arguments made by the president's lawyers and House impeachment managers — on Monday were starting to waver.

No we’re not bringing in the dancing lobsters just yet. This is just a small piece of a very complicated puzzle. You don’t just commit treason against the United States. No sir. You can’t drain the swamp when there’s a turd clogging the drain. And that turd’s name is Donald J. Trump. So what’s the next step as this trial wraps up? What’s the next part of John Bolton’s plan? Well there’s no easy answers, that’s for sure!

Former White House national security adviser John Bolton said Monday he is willing to testify — if he is subpoenaed — in the Senate's impeachment trial of President Donald Trump.
Bolton issued a statement Monday after the courts did not rule whether he would be compelled to testify during the House's impeachment proceedings, saying he was trying to meet his "obligations both as a citizen and as former national security adviser."

"Accordingly, since my testimony is once again at issue, I have had to resolve the serious competing issues as best I could, based on careful consideration and study," Bolton said. "I have concluded that, if the Senate issues a subpoena for my testimony, I am prepared to testify."

Bolton is potentially a crucial witness, as he had firsthand knowledge of many of the events that formed the House's impeachment of the President over his dealings with Ukraine. The House sought his testimony but ultimately never subpoenaed Bolton, and Democrats withdrew their subpoena for his former deputy after it was challenged in court, as Democrats wanted to move forward with their impeachment probe and not wait for the court's decision.

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[font size="8"]Impeachment Part 2
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Yeah so there’s a lot of news and conflicting reports surrounding impeachment coming through the pike and you’re going to be hearing a lot of it. Unfortunately we won’t get to the Trump Barfs His Brain rally in New Jersey this week. Nor will we get to his interview before the Super Bowl. I mean who knew that he could land an interview with Sean Hannity? Really? You really need to know the answer to that question? Because if you have to answer why Sean Hannity is interviewing Trump, you are in the wrong place my friend. It’s been long established on this program that Hannity has his lips super glued to Trump’s ass and not even the strongest crowbar could pry them off.

Fox News host Sean Hannity is set to interview President Donald Trump during the Super Bowl pregame show, Mediaite has learned.

Trump will be sitting down at the White House for the interview with Hannity ahead of Super Bowl LIV on Feb. 2. The highly-rated event, broadcast this year by Fox, will see the Kansas City Chiefs face off against the San Francisco 49ers.

The pre-Super Bowl presidential interview started in 2004, when President George W. Bush chatted with his personal pal Jim Nantz. Barack Obama resumed the tradition in 2009 and it has endured since, with a notable exception: Trump blew off NBC in 2018. He participated again last year, sitting down with CBS anchor Margaret Brennan.

The interview generally takes place in the second half of the four-hour pregame show, and has taken on a newsier bent over time.

The last time Fox hosted the Super Bowl, in 2017, former Fox News host Bill O’Reilly conducted the interview. O’Reilly interviewed President Barack Obama and Bush as well.

Hey man I thought the NFL had a policy against showing boobs on TV! Thank you I will take that one, audience! Back to impeachment. We talked about the witnesses in the first entry. For this entry I want to talk about the transcripts. You know Trump, like the broken record that he is, is insisting that we read the transcripts. Which we’re betting that he hasn’t. We’re also betting most of his supporters haven’t either.

The team of lawyers representing President Donald Trump in his Senate impeachment trial dove into their arguments in defense of the president on Monday, which they had previewed over the weekend.

Trump's lawyers condemned impeachment as partisan, and deployed some anticipated arguments to push against Democrats' allegations that Trump pressured Ukraine to open investigations into former Vice President Joe Biden and 2016 election interference.

They went after the House impeachment process, pushed back against additional witnesses and honed in on Hunter Biden's role in Ukraine.

Their day in the Senate came after reports surfaced that Trump's former national security adviser, John Bolton, had firsthand knowledge of a linking of investigations to nearly $400 million in military aid that was temporarily withheld by the administration.

Read the transcripts! Read the transcripts! Shut up! There’s no such thing as a “perfect” phone call, Trump. Only in your warped mind could that happen. But then again there’s a lot of things he says that don’t make sense. But come on, is there anything that Trump doesn’t lie about? Is there anything that his increasingly warped supporters won’t lie about?

President Donald Trump’s lawyers launched their defense Saturday morning with a blizzard of false claims.

It started with the president’s critical July 25th call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. White House Deputy Counsel Michael Purpura referred repeatedly to how what he called “the actual transcript” and “the real transcript” of this call led to an investigation that resulted in Trump’s impeachment. But the document Purpura quoted is not a transcript. It is a “memorandum of telephone conversation,” which means that it reflects the memories of aides who listened in, but may exclude significant parts of Trump and Zelensky’s conversation. Purpura should know the difference.

Trump and his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, are accused of withholding a White House meeting from Zelensky to try to force him to announce investigations into Vice President Joe Biden and his son Hunter, as well as an investigation into a false conspiracy theory that a Democratic National Committee server is secretly stored in Ukraine When that didn’t work, Trump is accused of withholding nearly $400 million in military aid to Ukraine to increase his leverage in forcing Zelensky to announce the probes.

Damn straight he does! And when it comes to impeachment, it’s not the transcript we’re interested in, and there’s no way that Hunter Biden did what Trump said he did. And how can we read the transcript when it’s being read under lock and key? Yeah no, that transcript it’s already been said and done, it’s this transcript that I’m interested in! Really, shut up, Trump. You’re fired.

"Fortunately, I released the transcript of the call. The transcript was perfectly accurate. And now everybody agrees because it went through a lot and they said, 'Well, could you add one word here?' Our lieutenant colonel said, 'Well, I think they should add...' -- they added the word. Everything -- everyone agrees the transcript is perfecto, done by total professionals, right?" -- January 16 exchange with reporters after remarks on prayer in public schools

Vindman testified that he had wanted to change the words "the company" to "Burisma," the company name he said Zelensky had used on his call with Trump. And Vindman testified that he had wanted to add in Trump saying "there are recordings" related to former Vice President Joe Biden and a Ukrainian prosecutor Biden had pushed Ukrainian leaders to fire. (Trump was vague about what he meant; in public comments last fall, Trump brought up a video of Biden at a 2018 event telling the story of his effort to get the prosecutor ousted.)

Vindman testified that the transcript was "substantively correct" even without the changes he had proposed. "When I first saw the transcript without the two substantive items that I had attempted to include, I didn't see that as nefarious. I just saw it as, OK, no big deal. You know, these might be meaningful, but it's not that big a deal," he told the House Intelligence Committee in November.

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[font size="8"]Doomsday Clock
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We need some music for this one.

Yeah that’s my shit! If you haven’t noticed, the Doomsday Clock has been ticking towards midnight ever so slightly. But lately with the world preferring batshit crazy fascist dictators and the USA having an uncontrollable man child at the helm in charge of our nuclear weapons, is it any wonder why we’ve moved past the proverbial two minutes? Yes, just like in a football game, the 2 minute warning has served as a reminder that we are ever closer to the impending Armageddon that is going to kill us all in a horrible fiery apocalypse. So why is it now moving past the two minute mark? Well we’re mere seconds away from total catastrophe.

Calling world affairs "profoundly unstable," scientists on Thursday moved the fateful minute hand of the Doomsday Clock another 20 seconds closer to midnight, signifying that humanity is more perilously near global catastrophe than any other time in recent history.

The metaphorical clock is now set to 100 seconds to midnight, the closest it has come to hitting the final hour — a symbol of world annihilation — since its inception by the University of Chicago-based Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists in 1947.

At a news conference in Washington, D.C. on Thursday, scientists cited U.S. withdrawal from the 2015 Paris climate agreement and the Iran nuclear deal, as well as deadlock in disarmament talks, as some of their reasons for the dire forecast. The recent rise in tensions between the United States and Iran helped confirm their decision, they said.

"We are now expressing how close the world is to catastrophe in seconds — not hours, or even minutes," said Rachel Bronson of the University of Chicago, who serves as president and CEO of the Bulletin. "It is the closest to doomsday we have ever been in the history of the Doomsday Clock. We now face a true emergency — an absolutely unacceptable state of world affairs that has eliminated any margin for error or further delay."

Lousy beatniks!! But before you go cueing the “We’re all gonna die” graphics, this isn’t that segment, at least this week! Thanks to global instability, you never know what’s going to happen. But guess what is fueling the fire? Well it’s not Trump, it’s the fact that nuclear arms treaties signed by Russia and the US are set to expire. And with Putin and Trump at the helm, anything can happen. Let’s just sit back and watch the fireworks. Literally.

The threat posed by nuclear weapons has become more perilous because virtually the entire edifice of arms control (which at least added some stability to the nuclear face-off) is being dismantled. President Trump already deep-sixed the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty, and the last remaining arms-control treaty—the New START Treaty that capped Russian and US nuclear arsenals—is on the verge of expiring, with the Trump administration showing no sign of giving serious consideration to talks. The White House is considering withdrawing from the Open Skies Treaty that allows the United States and Russia to observe each other’s arsenals in monitored overflights. No substantive effort has been made to bring China into arms-control talks. Negotiations with North Korea have collapsed; its leader, Kim Jong-un, promises to unveil a new “strategic weapon.” Trump has pulled the United States out of the Iran nuclear deal, imposed severe sanctions and killed key military leader Qassim Soleimani. Tehran has responded by beginning to step away from the limits of the treaty and by increasing provocations in the region. The United States and Russia are on the verge of launching another nuclear buildup, with our country planning to squander another $1.2 trillion over the coming decades on the folly.

Well I hope we have the ability to survive an atomic meltdown like Homer does. But he’s an expert at this sort of thing. Us average joes on the other hand, are not. But that said, is it time to stop the Doomsday Clock from ticking forward? And what happens when we get to midnight? And is nuclear war the answer? Tune in next week to find out! Wait, don’t tune in next week to find out.

Are we running into the arms of oblivion as mankind's mad dash to doomsday? Everything is pointing to the hour of midnight when mankind invariably meets doom unmitigatedly. As the time of absolute extinction, while we extant hurdle willingly.

In 1953 as hydrogen bombs exploded the first time, the countdown was adjusted. The creeping to destruction by BAS in 2019, moved the clock approximately two minutes to 12 midnight.

On Jan 23, CEO Rachel Bronson (BAS) mentioned that it has hit the two-minute warning point. Each second progressed will lead to a global catastrophe unless something is done.

Nuclear war and climate change

Nuclear war was the ender to civilization then, though it is still standstill now as a possibility. Besides nuclear Armageddon, there is climate change, with disruptive technologies as part of the BAS. Judging whether the problems of mankind will doom its existence, and we've never been at more risk according to them.

Well I for one welcome our nuclear squirrel overlords. And Nuclear Squirrel I hear just got added to Coachella. And in case you’re wondering what is fueling the fire moving the Doomsday Clock well guess what? It’s that device that you’re holding in your hand right now. Yeah I’m talking to you. It’s your phone – your Facebook, Twitter, and social media accounts.

According to the Doomsday Clock, humanity is 100 seconds away from self-imploding apocalypse. Think about the apocalypse as humans literally destroy not just ourselves but everything on the planet as well. This is according to a large number of scientists who joined together to predict the end of days by how humanity has handled every crisis so far. The organization began the clock around the year 1947 when the nuclear arms race of the US and USSR escalated to the point of world war.

Social Media is Becoming a Problem

The spread of misinformation by people with power is affecting the ability of people to respond to current threats. Apart from that, there are people have the ability to influence masses that the news reported by mass media is all a faux. This, in turn, makes the masses less likely or not at all be able to discern truth from lies. Luckily Facebook, one of the giants in that industry are making ways to remove and ban deepfakes on their platform.

As misinformation is a common tactic for people who want to sow discord, it may be harder to pinpoint news as misinformation. This is due to the fact that users who do this don't dive into specifics itself but the broader picture for people to think about the negative effects that the news brings them and so it spreads. Misinformation spreads quicker than accurate news because anyone can do it due to social media platforms and it tends to go viral.

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what! We’re all gonna die! Wooooooooooooooo!!!! Woooooooooooo!!! Wooo. Woo. And in case you’re wondering how we’re all gonna die – it’s because there’s a new super virus that is going to kill us all. And I love when the media tacks the word “super” on to anything. Super virus. Super food. Super man. Super monkeys. Yes, there probably are super monkeys out there. That was our planet!!! Damn you all to hell!!! I’m getting carried away here. But we have to talk about the utter insanity surrounding the Corona Virus. Could you get it? Yes. But at this point your odds are about the same as winning the lottery.

As the coronavirus continues to spread in China, U.S. health officials are closely monitoring for cases in the United States.

This map will be updated as more cases in the U.S. are confirmed. As of Jan. 28, there were five: one each in Illinois, Arizona and Washington state, and two in California.

Coronavirus cases have also been confirmed in China, Thailand, Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, South Korea, Vietnam, France, Australia, Malaysia, Nepal, Germany, Sri Lanka, Cambodia and Canada. More than 4,500 people have been sickened, mostly in China, and 106 have died since the start of the month, according to NBC News.

Coronavirus cases in the U.S. are confirmed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, based in Atlanta. As of Jan. 27, 110 samples from 26 states were being tested; five have come back positive, and 32 have tested negative. The rest of the results are pending.

The CDC declined to say which states the samples were from.

That’s right – the Corona Virus may have originated in Southeast Asia, and there have been 4 confirmed cases. Yes, I can literally count the number of cases on one hand. So yes we’re all gonna die!!! Ahhhh!! I mean seriously people let’s lighten up and revel in facts before we let the media get the better of our biggest fears regarding deadly diseases. Oh wait what’s that? Oh cue the horror music!

Boston Logan International Airport is among the ports of entry where the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will soon start screening passengers for coronavirus, ABC News reported Tuesday.

As of Tuesday afternoon, however, MassPort officials said they were still waiting for the CDC to set the plan in motion.

So far, there are five confirmed cases of this new virus in the U.S., and no sign that they have spread the respiratory illness to anyone around them.

Initially, screenings for the virus were being done at five airports that once had direct flights from the hardest-hit section of China. ABC News reported that Logan and 14 other points of entry are now being added to the list.

CDC officials will also hand out educational material at the airport to inform travelers about signs of the deadly illness and when to seek medical attention, ABC News reported.

I love how confident that guy is. So if you go to an airport like Boston Logan coming from Southeast Asia, you will get screened for the Corona Virus. And that’s quite possibly the worst thing you can get screened for, other than if your girlfriend screens your credit before you start dating. What? You will only date guys with a 720 credit score or better? Get out of here!! And don’t think we’re onto you, World Health Organization! Even you can get this wrong!

The World Health Organization (WHO) said Monday the global risk from the deadly coronavirus was “high,” admitting it made a mistake in previous reports that rated the risk of the virus as “moderate.”

The United Nations health body said in a situation report published Sunday that the risk was “very high in China, high at the regional level and high at the global level,” and explained in a footnote there had been an error in reports published Thursday, Friday and Saturday which incorrectly said the global risk was “moderate.”

WHO last week decided not to declare the virus an international public health emergency. WHO chief Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus said Thursday, “This is an emergency in China, but it has not yet become a global health emergency.”

The agency noted that the mistake made in three of its situation reports was the result of an “error in the wording.”

Yeah probably. But fear not! You know who created this most evil of super viruses that could possibly kill you? I’ll give you a hint – it’s the most evil creature of them all! Yup, we created this virus. It originated in a cave in Thailand, like all horrible things do. But as much as we created this virus epidemic, we alone get to fix it. That’s why we are the worst creatures of them all.

The latest scary new virus that has captured the world’s horrified attention, caused a lockdown of 56 million people in China, disrupted travel plans around the globe and sparked a run on medical masks from Wuhan, Hubei Province, to Bryan, Texas, is known provisionally as “nCoV-2019.” It’s a clunky moniker for a lurid threat.

The name, picked by the team of Chinese scientists who isolated and identified the virus, is short for “novel coronavirus of 2019.” It reflects the fact that the virus was first recognized to have infected humans late last year — in a seafood and live-animal market in Wuhan — and that it belongs to the coronavirus family, a notorious group. The SARS epidemic of 2002-3, which infected 8,098 people worldwide, killing 774 of them, was caused by a coronavirus, and so was the MERS outbreak that began on the Arabian Peninsula in 2012 and still lingers (2,494 people infected and 858 deaths as of November).

Despite the new virus’s name, though, and as the people who christened it well know, nCoV-2019 isn’t as novel as you might think.

Something very much like it was found several years ago in a cave in Yunnan, a province roughly a thousand miles southwest of Wuhan, by a team of perspicacious researchers, who noted its existence with concern. The fast spread of nCoV-2019 — more than 4,500 confirmed cases, including at least 106 deaths, as of Tuesday morning, and the figures will have risen by the time you read this — is startling but not unforeseeable. That the virus emerged from a nonhuman animal, probably a bat, and possibly after passing through another creature, may seem spooky, yet it is utterly unsurprising to scientists who study these things.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Jeff Bezos Hacked
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

The issue of cyber security is a very complex one. People day in and day out complain about, and are worried about their bank accounts and personal data being bought and sold under very shady circumstances. But this hack claim surrounds just one person. And that person just happens to be the wealthiest man in the world, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. Even Jeff Bezos is not immune from hacking and phishing scams that have plagued the internet since its’ inception. But just how accurate are the claims that Bezos was hacked by Saudia Arabia via the What’s App application? So who is to blame in this situation?

WhatsApp disclosed 12 security vulnerabilities last year, according to the US National Vulnerabilities Database, sparking questions about the security of the app amid reports that Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos' phone was hacked by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

The Guardian first reported last week that bin Salman had covertly stolen data from the Amazon CEO's phone after sending an unsolicited video that contained a malicious file in 2018.

The hack on Bezos' phone is believed to have happen after the two men exchanged friendly messages on WhatsApp on May 1, 2018, weeks after they had met at a dinner in Los Angeles while the prince was in the US on official business.

Bezos' team began investigating his phone in January 2019 after The National Enquirer published a story about him having an affair. After the accusation Bezos accused the tabloid's parent company, American Media Inc., of blackmailing him by threatening to publish his nude images.

The Saudi government has called the report "absurd" and called for an investigation into the claims.

Yes, there’s a chance Jeff Bezos could have been hacked, but then again he is Jeff Bezos. It’s not like you have to do a search on the black market internet to find out much information about him. Also, it’s the National Fucking Enquirer too, they don’t exactly have the highest journalistic integrity in the journalism industry. But then again, neither do we. But who is to blame for this? Do you blame the Saudis? Or is it the fault of the phone manufacturers?

On Friday, Facebook's vice president of global affairs and communications, Nick Clegg, said that the hacking of Jeff Bezos's phone wasn't the fault of WhatsApp, pointing instaed to the Apple iOS that powers the iPhone X Bezos was using. Or, at least, that's presumably what he was trying to say, though his answer when asked by the BBC was largely incomprehensible.

Clegg's explanation was that WhatsApp couldn't be at fault because its messages are end-to-end encrypted, meaning they can't be hacked. Rather, he argued, "It sounds like something on the, you know, what they call the operate, operated on the phone itself." To be clear, he didn't specifically mention Apple by name, however it had been previously known that Bezos was using an iPhone X at the time he was hacked.

"It can't have been anything on the, when the message was sent, in transit, because that's end-to-end encrypted on WhatsApp," Clegg said.

As a reminder, the allegation is that the Saudi Crown Prince, Mohammad bin Salman, sent a message to Amazon's CEO using WhatsApp. That message included a relatively small video file that contained malware that was used to access the contents on the iPhone.

Yes, you could have been hacked, or someone could have done a Google search. But how it happens and why it happens could apply to just about anybody. But could Saudi Prince Muhammed bin Salman been behind the hack? Yeah probably. But don’t go playing the blame game. Because that’s how they win, and they thrive off this sort of thing. Did Jeff Bezos get hacked or did he not get hacked?

UN human rights experts have demanded an immediate investigation into allegations Saudi Arabia's crown prince hacked Amazon boss Jeff Bezos's phone.

They said Mohammed bin Salman should also be investigated for "continuous, direct and personal efforts to target perceived opponents".

A message from a phone number used by the prince has been implicated in a breach of Mr Bezos's data.

The kingdom's US embassy has denied the "absurd" story.

But the independent UN experts - Agnes Callamard, special rapporteur on summary executions and extrajudicial killings, and David Kaye, special rapporteur on freedom of expression - said the crown prince's "possible involvement" had to be investigated.

Relations between Saudi Arabia and Mr Bezos - who also owns the Washington Post - worsened after Jamal Khashoggi, a prominent critic of the Saudi government and one of the newspaper's staff, was murdered in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul in 2018

That is a good question. But the question of whether or not Jeff Bezos’ phone was hacked is more of a discussion of power. And both of these men – Jeff Bezos and Muhammed bin Salmon have been in a competition for a quest for power and money for a very long time. Where does it end? That is a question for the ages. But who is more powerful? It might surprise you to learn that neither of them is.

The alleged Saudi hack of the Amazon founder, Washington Post owner, and world’s richest person Jeff Bezos offers plenty of insight into the nature of power in an era of headlong technological change. Above all, it confirms the insight that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

For those of you who have been on a desert island for the past couple of years, the whole story started back in 2019, when the National Enquirer released emails and photos exposing Bezos’s affair with a Los Angeles television personality. Bezos hinted that Saudi Arabia might have been involved, and he hired a cybersecurity firm to investigate. Last week, the firm released a report tracing the hack to malicious code contained in a WhatsApp message he had received from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, although it remains unclear if this is how the Enquirer obtained the embarrassing information.

If the Saudi government could hack the phone of someone who fully grasps the impact of technology and who has nearly limitless resources with which to protect himself, how can ordinary folks possibly protect themselves from similar intrusions? Only by remaining below the radar and off the grid, and even that approach may not be enough.

Given the heady mix of wealth, sex, celebrity, and politics involved, it’s hardly surprising this one incident has garnered so much attention. But does this event foretell a new global hierarchy, where hackers rule the world and traditional sources of power are increasingly irrelevant? I doubt it.

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Miami! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! I was in Washing ton DC last week. Of course you know that last week there was an annual event called the “March For Life”. It’s the annual gathering of misogynists and anti-abortion activists from all over the globe. And yes, they are becoming a diverse bunch. But let’s not distract from the issues, because I’m sure that is not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would have in mind! Am I not right about that? And really, do we need the unholy, ungodly Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church. to lead such a ceremony? Because he is the most ungodly man of them all yet he is being treated like some kind of saint among anti-abortionists!

President Trump became the first sitting president to attend the anti-abortion “March for Life” in Washington, D.C., Friday. He told supporters that “unborn children have never had a stronger defender in the White House,” as he touted his judicial appointments and slammed Democrats — falsely accusing Virginia Governor Ralph Northam of supporting a bill that would execute babies after birth.

Also on Friday, the Trump administration threatened to cut off federal funding for some health programs in California unless the state ends its requirement that private health insurers cover abortions. California Governor Gavin Newsom said the state would not change its policy.

Meanwhile, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is coming under fire for comparing the Trump administration’s fight to ban abortion to the fight to end slavery. She said, “[President Lincoln] too contended with the pro-choice arguments of his day. They suggested that a state’s choice to be slave or to be free had no moral question in it. … President Lincoln reminded those pro-choicers that a vast portion of the American people … look upon it as a vast moral evil.” She made the comments at an event last week for Colorado Christian University held at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C. Massachusetts Congressmember Ayanna Pressley tweeted in response, “As a Black woman & the Chair of the abortion access task force, I invite you to come by the Hill and say this to my face. Would welcome the opportunity to educate you.”

Why yes he does!!! And he also sits in the Oval Office, and that is why his name shall *NOT* be spoken in my church! Have the Christian right become so deluded that they really thin that he’s the savior when we all know that he is not? I ask you that! I do not believe that it is in the good book, thank you very much sir. But we’re not out to tame the pro-life movement. No. Instead, how do we get them on our side? That’s a question as old as time itself.

Just inside the metal detectors at Friday’s March for Life rally, two students from Christendom College in Front Royal, Virginia, stood holding a gigantic American flag. Like hundreds of other demonstrators at the annual anti-abortion gathering, one of them, Tom, 21, was wearing a Donald Trump hat. The president was scheduled to come to the National Mall to speak at the event in about an hour, and Tom was stoked.

“It’s a really important statement for him to make, to be here … especially with all the impeachment stuff going on with the Democrats,” Tom said. “It’s showing his strength.
He’s the most pro-life president in history.”

That message—that no other president has opposed abortion more than Trump—was the driving narrative of Friday’s event. Indeed, no other sitting president has ever attended a March for Life. The Susan B. Anthony List, an anti-abortion nonprofit whose affiliated PAC recently committed $52 million to re-electing Trump and Senate Republicans this year, filled the crowd with signs featuring an image of Trump’s face and the words “Most Pro-Life President. Ever.” Of the dozen-or-so attendees I talked to, almost every one agreed that Trump was the best president their movement had ever seen.

“I don’t think it’s about an election. He believes it. And I think that bleeds through in everything that he does,” one man, who’d driven down from New Jersey, told me. “It’s not, ‘hey, I’m gonna stick my finger up in the air and figure out what the majority people are thinking.’” His friend told me that Trump—who has joked about wanting to abort his child and called himself pro-choice up until he planned his presidential run—was even more pro-life than Ronald Reagan. “When Reagan was governor of California, he let some abortion legislation get through that he later regretted,” the man said. “But Trump never had that. He’s been pro-life since the beginning, and just been very consistent.”

No, we can’t reason with these people or even get them to join our side. They are entangled with the Dark One, and they are brainwashed by social media propaganda and the right wing clergy, and 40 years of this isn’t going to end overnight. So I ask you, my fair congregation! What can we do? What’s really bizarre is that they are calling themselves “pro woman” when we all know they are anti and have always been anti! Can I get an amen??

Donald Trump became the first United States president to attend the annual March for Life in Washington, DC, on Friday, unleashing a fierce attack on his Democratic rivals during a rally in an election-year show of support for opponents of abortion rights.

"Unborn children have never had a stronger defender in the White House," the Republican president, who once said he was was "pro-choice in every respect", told thousands of cheering people at the rally, touting his anti-abortion rights policies and his appointments of conservatives to the federal judiciary including Supreme Court Justices Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch.

Demonstrators from around the country converged on a cool, overcast day in the US capital for the event held annually around the anniversary of the Supreme Court's landmark 1973 Roe v Wade decision that recognised a woman's constitutional right to an abortion and legalised the procedure nationwide. Many high school and college students joined in the rally.

Trump, seeking re-election on November 3, addressed the event in the midst of his impeachment trial in the US Senate on charges passed by the Democratic-led House of Representatives. While not mentioning impeachment, he assailed congressional Democrats on abortion policy. Trump drew loud applause from the crowd.

Yes! Jesus facepalms at the fact that the Dark One slams Democrats, because that’s all he does – lie, cheat, name call, and play the GOP blame game! Now I ask you, my fair congregation, why is the youth movement getting involved in anti-abortion politics? Because it’s a movement designed to trick people into voting against their best interests. And no one does it better than anti-abortionists. All I have to say is that if young ladies want to get involved in this movement, well, here’s what they are in for!

The media, again, largely ignored the massive March for Life rally that took place Friday in Washington, D.C. Aside from the march itself, one of the most overlooked factors about the March for Life and the pro-life movement in general is the incredibly young age of those getting involved.

This, according to TheBlaze's Samantha Sullivan, should "terrify" the abortion lobby because not only are young people flocking to the pro-life movement, they're incredibly articulate as well.

"It's pretty amazing how little attention it gets for being so massive," Sullivan said after attending the march in person. "It was all young people — I mean, there were different age groups, but this is a predominantly young movement. I didn't know that coming in."

Sullivan went on to explain that this wasn't just kids attending with their parents — it was a passion issue for them.

"It was busloads of kids coming into this thing, a lot of faith-based Christian and Catholic schools. A lot of them told me this wasn't even their first march. There were kids that have been coming since they were 14," she explained.

They also possessed a deep knowledge of the issue of abortion itself.

"They started giving me the whole rundown of the science behind it [abortion], saying the science is on our side here," Sullivan said. "Really incredible to see these kids, they know abortion back and forth."

But do they have actual knowledge of abortion or just the propaganda that their parents passed onto them? Either way we are in a fight for the unforeseeable future my fair congregation! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: LA City Council Vs Houston Astros
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Last week, we pointed out that the Houston Astros are dirty cheaters that cheat, and Alex Cora is the dirty cheater who lied and got fired for it. But then an interloper had to go and make things worse. That interloper? The Los Angeles City Council. Los Angeles is of course home to the LA Dodgers, who faced both teams managed by Alex Cora in back to back World Series. Now if you’re the city of Los Angeles, what do you do in this situation? Well, you petition the MLB to take back the World Series that were won under shady circumstances and give them to the team that rightfully deserves them. Wait, that doesn’t work in real life does it?

The Los Angeles City Council voted unanimously on Tuesday to ask Major League Baseball to award the 2017 and 2018 World Series titles to the Dodgers.

The resolution was presented by councilmen Paul Koretz and Gilbert Cedillo. The pair spoke about their effort at 9 a.m. Tuesday in the Rick Orlov Memorial Media Center, on the third floor of City Hall, prior to the City Council's vote.

MLB officials concluded last week that the Houston Astros used a camera to illicitly steal signs from opposing catchers during the 2017 season, which ended with the Astros defeating the Dodgers in seven games in the World Series.

According to MLB, the sign-stealing system was orchestrated by then-Astros bench coach Alex Cora, who served as manager of the Boston Red Sox inthe 2018 season, which ended with the Red Sox defeating the Dodgers in the World Series in five games.

Baseball officials initially suspended Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow and manager A.J. Hinch for a year, but the club quickly fired the pair. The Astros were also fined $5 million and ordered to forfeit their first- and second-round draft picks for two years.

Dammit Mattingly, I thought I told you to get rid of those sideburns!!! But is it the business of the LA City Council to say who can and who cannot win a World Series, or any title game for that matter? Sure, the Houston Astros are dirty cheaters that cheat. But as social media was quick to point out, the fact that the Dodgers didn’t win the World Series is actually the least of their problems.

The Los Angeles Dodgers would rather earn a World Series trophy on their own than accept any scraps from the Houston Astros or the Boston Red Sox, the teams that beat them in 2017 and 2018.

Despite being eager to focus on the upcoming season, several Dodgers for the first time publicly expressed annoyance at the Astros for the sign-stealing system used during the 2017 season, when Houston beat them in seven games in the World Series.

"They cheated and they got away with it," utilityman Kiké Hernández said Saturday during the team's annual FanFest outside Dodger Stadium. "I don't think it hurts more now than it did three years ago when we lost the Series."

Hernández said the Dodgers "had our doubts" about the Astros that year.

"Everybody warned us. A lot of people told us to worry about them," Hernández said. "We just thought it was just rumors, but I guess not."

Yeah come on, LA City Council, you’ve got way more on your plate to deal with, who won the World Series should be the last thing you care about. I mean come on, you have a homeless crisis and people pooping on the sidewalks to deal with. Let’s address that first. Then maybe item number 567 on your list can be figuring out who rightfully won the 2017 World Series. And I mean come on let’s ask the Dodgers what they think should happen. Do they want this?

The Los Angeles City Council can resolve all they want that the Los Angeles Dodgers should be declared the 2017 World Series winners by Astrogate default. But at their weekend fan fest assorted and sundry Dodgers said, essentially, thanks, but no thanks, we’d prefer to win the World Series the old fashioned way, without buzzers, whistle rings, little drummer boys, and Spy vs. Spy.

“It already has an asterisk next to it” so far as pitcher Ross Stripling was concerned. “They cheated. They got away with it. They got a ring out of it,” said utility man Enrique Hernandez, perhaps as emphatically as a man might say it with an unrevealed wish to wring an Astro neck or three. Then, he softened. A little. “I’m extremely proud of our guys,” he added. “We won a game in Houston when they knew every pitch that was coming.”

Third baseman Justin Turner won’t accept even a symbolic gesture, such as a pair of Dodger fans arriving and displaying a large sign proclaiming, “LA. World Series champions 2017 and 2018.” (The Dodgers lost a second straight Series, to the Boston Red Sox, now under investigation for a replay room reconnaissance ring.) “We don’t want a fake banner hanging in [Dodger Stadium],” he insisted. “We didn’t earn that.”

Perhaps the only thing puzzling Turner about the Astrogate saga to date is why the only 2017 Astro to apologize thus far is now-White Sox pitcher Dallas Keuchel. “[He] didn’t hit,” Turner said of the veteran lefthander. “I don’t really know why he was the one apologizing. He’s the first one to mention anything like that, so I guess good for him.” Still.

Eh… not exactly a home run here as the players don’t want it, the fans don’t want it, and really the LA City Council opened up a can of worms that it shouldn’t have. So who exactly wants it? The answer is nobody and this is something that nobody asked for and nobody wanted. Is it a home run? Hell no, it’s a swing and a miss on strike three.

The Dodgers may have been unfairly toppled by cheaters during the 2017 and 2018 World Series showdowns. But does that make them champions?

They are in the eyes of some members of the Los Angeles City Council, who approved a resolution calling for the Dodgers to be awarded Major League Baseball’s championship trophies for those two years, when the team fell to the Houston Astros and Boston Red Sox.

The Astros — who went on to lose in the 2019 World Series, to the delight of many Dodgers fans — are embroiled in a sign-stealing scandal. The Red Sox are under investigation amid similar allegations.

The Astros terminated Manager A.J. Hinch and General Manager Jeff Luhnow after the MLB suspended them for a year for their roles in the plot. Next, the Red Sox canned Manager Alex Cora, who’d been identified as a key participant in the sign-stealing scheme while with the Astros organization. And, finally, Manager Carlos Beltrán, a former Astros player cited in the sign-stealing probe, was fired by the New York Mets.

So will MLB officials actually listen to the appeal of these LA officials — and rewrite baseball history? Likely not, say baseball observers.

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Mike Lindell
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This week’s This Fucking Guy is the CEO of My Pillow, Mike Lindell. And for the sake of this piece, I’m going to refer to him as the “My Pillow Guy”. So My Pillow Guy is a rising star in the GOP because he’s somewhat of a minor commercial celebrity. And the GOP loves them some weird celebrities, whether it’s Meat Loaf, Ted Nugent, Jon Voight, or washed up televangelist Jimmy Swaggart. The Dems get all the cool celebrities, the GOP gets a guy who hawks cheap pillows. And he’s something of a minor celebrity because he’s been seen with everything from cardboard cutouts to partying with Trump on New Year’s Eve at Mar-A-Shithole . Yes, that makes him a rising star in the GOP. And well he can pretty much do anything right? Well, what are his qualifications exactly?

Mike Lindell drew on a cast of about a dozen employees — some of them family — all gathered at his MyPillow warehouse in Shakopee on a recent morning to help pack and label freshly signed copies of his new autobiography.

Seated nearby was his 29-year-old son, Darren, newly minted as the company’s next chief operating officer, Lindell explained, suggesting a change of plans in the near future.

“In case we do anything political, we’re setting up the stage,” Lindell said, pausing to make sure his statement was on the record.

More than two years after brushing aside speculation that he was eyeing a run for office, the 58-year-old mustachioed infomercial maven is becoming less coy about his political future amid renewed calls from state Republicans that he help reverse a long string of defeats in statewide races. Along the way, he has become President Donald Trump’s highest-profile backer in Minnesota and openly inviting speculation about his own political ambition.

A former crack cocaine addict, Lindell is now readying a series of rallies across the state that will blend his new faith-based Lindell Recovery Network while also promoting both the president’s re-election bid and Minnesota Republican congressional candidates.

That’s right, in the GOP, all you have to do is say what they want to hear, trash dems, and blame everything on abortion, you’ve got it made in the shade, yo! So My Pillow Guy could be the next governor of Minnesota, an esteemed position previously held by fellow GOP celebrity Jesse “The Body” Ventura. You know for a party that claims they loathe celebrities, they sure do elect a lot of celebrities, don’t they? I’ll take that one, thank you! So how good are My Pillows? Let’s ask the experts!

Is a sore, stiff neck upon waking telling you that it’s time for a new bed pillow?

For the first time, Consumer Reports rates 10 bed pillows in its February issue. Part of the reason the magazine hasn’t yet rated them was figuring out the best way to test them. The consumer nonprofit landed on a series of machines and sensors that measure matting, moisture and temperature as well as human subjective impressions.

The consumer organization said it devoted about 200 hours per pillow for testing, gathering hundreds of data points.

Pillow brands included a mixture of traditional such as Tempur-Pedic and Sealy, bed-in-box companies such as Casper, which filed for an initial public offering on Friday, and Minnesota companies such as Shakopee-based MyPillow and Minneapolis-based Target.

Two MyPillows were rated, the Premium ($80) and the Classic ($40). Neither received the organization’s “recommended” rating, but the Premium landed in the top half.

So $80 for a single marginal pillow endorsed by a former crack addict? No thanks, I like my pillows endorsed by Ambien addicts, because if anyone knows sleep, it’s people who will take a drug that will make them do weird shit when they sleep! And in case you’re wondering My Pillow Guy’s GOP street cred, well he’s got plenty of it! He’s even got the same lawyers that they do! And of course if Rudy Guiliani is any indication, the GOP has a great track record there!

A brief refresher: Wardlow was the Republican Party of Minnesota's nominee for Attorney General. Prior to that campaign, Wardlow spent his time litigating for the hyper-conservative Alliance Defending Freedom, fighting to keep trans kids out of the bathrooms where they felt most comfortable. In his private life, Wardlow had once bullied a gay classmate so much the victim attempted suicide.

As a candidate, Wardlow promised to keep the office staunchly apolitical... but also promised if he won, he’d literally fire “42 Democratic attorneys right off the bat” and replace them with Republicans. That didn't happen: Despite sketchy campaign spending and some sketchy campaign lit, on Wardlow's part, Ellison beat him 48 percent to 45 percent. (Another 6 percent went to a third-party candidate who begged his supporters to vote for Ellison to stop Wardlow.)

So, again, no judgement here if your 2019's been Wardlow-free. But Wardlow definitely hasn’t stopped thinking about Ellison. Every week or two, his Twitter and Facebook accounts throw out updates on the attorney general, accusing him of pushing a “radical political agenda.”

He's also still fundraising for his campaign, as of November, even though Ellison's not up for reelection until 2022.

Nothing to see here, please disperse! Yup, it’s a good old fashioned GOP circle jerk! Featuring My Pillow Guy and a failed candidate who should probably not quit his day job. Sure, the GOP and the Christian right love this guy because he’s a self-made go getter who overcame addiction and built a global business empire. That’s the American dream right? Well, he’s using the money he made from his day job to finance his weekend job – ending legalized abortion. If you want this guy to be your next governor, Minnesota, you’d better be paying attention to what he’s doing behind the scenes!

An anti-abortion feature film partially financed by Michael Lindell, the CEO and founder of MyPillow and an ally of President Trump, will reportedly be nationally distributed by a Christian movie studio.

The movie, "Unplanned," follows a young woman who resigns from her place of work (a Planned Parenthood clinic) and renounces the practice of abortion, according to The Washington Times, which reports that the movie has been picked up for national distribution by Pure Flix studios.

"We had other offers but felt they would be our strongest partner because of the great success we've had together in the past," said co-writer Chuck Konzelman, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

In a trailer for the movie, the woman reportedly is warned not to defy Planned Parenthood, which is described in the movie as "one of the most powerful organizations on the planet."

The movie's script was reportedly written by the writers behind the Christian movies “God’s Not Dead” and “God’s Not Dead 2,” according to the Times, which noted that Lindell, who has attended rallies and White House events on the president's behalf, invested $1 million in the film's production.

That’s My Pillow Guy, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Ed. note: Due to the Kobe tragedy, our planned “I Need A Drink Piece” on the death of Mr. Peanut will not air at this time. Instead expect to see it in a future “Best Of” edition. So enjoy this People Are Dumb segment instead. Enjoy!

Hit it!

So of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. Because the crazy never fails and there’s plenty of things that can go wrong in the course of a day. And then there’s people who are just plain dumb. So who is dumb this week? Well I want to start with a very overlooked category of idiots – stupid cops! And this story is an international one, coming all the way from the beautiful country known as Thailand! Really, if you’re setting up a car for a police auction, wouldn’t you think to remember to check the contents of the car first? Because I would think that the people who you sell the car to would like to know that , I don’t know, it’s loaded with drugs!

Thailand's anti-drugs authority has apologised after it accidentally auctioned off a car hiding tens of thousands of amphetamine tablets.

A buyer paid 586,000 baht ($19,000; £14,500) for the Honda CR-V car, which was put up for auction this month after being seized in a drugs case last year.

But when it was sent to a garage for alterations, a mechanic discovered 94,000 pills stashed in its bumper.

Officials said they would conduct more thorough searches in future.


I think the drugs are probably worth more than the CR-V in this case! Next up, we go to Scotland for this story. Here’s the thing, this is so reminiscent of the “squirrel!!” distraction from the movie UP, or the robbery scene from the movie Big Trouble, that it’s a case where life imitates art. Or does art imitate life in this case? Well, if you rob a bank, maybe don’t stop to pet dogs or run slowly.

A bank robber who wore a pillow case with no eye holes as a disguise was arrested after fleeing "very slowly" then stopping to pet a dog, a court has been told.

Matthew Davies, 47, robbed a Bank of Scotland branch in Dunfermline, Scotland, armed with a meat cleaver last September. He pulled his weapon out of a pillowcase before putting the bedding over his face in an attempt to conceal his identity.

But during a hearing at the High Court in Glasgow, the robber was forced to remove his makeshift mask because he “couldn’t see”, the Daily Record reports.

Prosecutor Stewart Ronnie said: “This was due to a failure to create eye holes.”

Despite his botched plan, Davies escaped with almost £2,000 before momentarily stopping to pet a dog. He is now in custody after pleading guilty to a charge of assault and robbery. Davies, of Dunfermline, will be sentenced next month.

Next up – we go closer to home with this one. Look, nobody likes waiting in traffic. And when we do, you got to get creative with ways that you get around traffic. But somehow I would think that if you get pulled over with a fake skeleton in your backseat, that you would have an awful lot of explaining to do to your arresting officer.

A driver in the US has been caught trying to disguise a fake skeleton as a passenger so he could use a high-occupancy vehicle (HOV) lane.

The Arizona Department of Public Safety said the 62-year-old was pulled over when an official noticed the skeleton, which was wearing a hat and tied to the passenger seat with yellow rope.
The department told AP news agency some 7,000 drivers in Arizona were caught violating HOV rules every year.
"Think you can use the HOV lane with Skeletor riding shotgun? You're dead wrong!" it wrote, referring to the fictional nemesis of He-Man in the Masters of the Universe series.


Somehow that scene just seems weirder in GIF form! Next up – of course we can’t get out of here without mentioning America’s most penis shaped state, the state of Florida. And this is a great Florida story. So this guy was out and decided that he was going to try to jack someone’s car. Well, he should have thought of that when an undercover cop was driving in the very car he decided to jack.

A St. Petersurg man who was running from the police tried to carjack a vehicle.

Inside was an undercover cop.

Arrest reports detail how police say the incident unfolded near the intersection of Gulfport Boulevard and 49th Street S at about 8:45 p.m. Wednesday night.

When it was over, Donald Steven Dugray, 20, was arrested on multiple charges, including attempted carjacking.

Gulfport police tried to stop Dugray on his bicycle that night for a light violation, but he took off and crashed into a sergeant’s cruiser. When Dugray hit the ground, a gun fell out of his waist band, reports state.

He picked up the gun and ran away from police, then tossed the gun onto the roof of a nearby diner. Officers later recovered the revolver, which had five rounds in it, reports state.

Finally this week, if you’ve been viral for any reason, maybe don’t commit a crime with the thing that helped you go viral. Because if it’s something easily identifiable, it can get you nailed faster than the cops can slap the handcuffs on you. We go to the great city of Orlando for this story. And by the way where have I seen this sort of thing before?

A Florida man who became an online sensation last year after fighting while dressed as the Easter Bunny has been arrested for a hit-and-run where he allegedly tried to use his costume to avoid capture.
Antoine McDonald, 21, hopped into overnight fame last year when a video went viral of him getting into a brawl with a man in Orlando while wearing his bunny costume on Easter Sunday.

Now, authorities said they arrested McDonald after he was involved in a hit-and-run last week.
The self-proclaimed 'Orlando Easter Bunny' was driving a motorcycle through Orlando on January 16, when he allegedly ran a stop sign and crashed into a carport.

McDonald then fled the scene, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

The carport collapsed on top of a car in the driveway and the motorcycle hit a fence and flipped over, the Orlando Sentinel reported.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep.21: Joe & Bernie
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates! Where we combine all the news, issues, polls, and candidates you care about! We are exactly one month down, we have 11 long, grueling, and fucking insane months to go before we elect the next president of the United States. And we had an entirely different entry planned this week. But over the weekend, Joe Rogan started trending and it was because of his “all-in” support for Vermont Senator and old man trying to send back soup in a deli, Bernie Sanders. Yes, thank George Costanza for that line. But do you welcome a guy into the party who some have called “The Gateway Drug To The Alt Right”? Yes, Joe Rogan commands one of the biggest troll armies in the world and he’s been known to cheat, harass, and slam people online who he doesn’t agree with, and is part of the reason why our culture has become so toxic. So, what’s up?

Bernie Sanders is facing a backlash from some Democrats after his campaign trumpeted an endorsement from comedian Joe Rogan, a popular podcast and YouTube talk show host with a history of making racist, homophobic and transphobic comments.

The Sanders campaign touted the endorsement in a tweet on Thursday afternoon, featuring a clip of Rogan's supportive remarks.

"I think I'll probably vote for Bernie. Him as a human being, when I was hanging out with him, I believe in him, I like him, I like him a lot," Rogan said on an earlier episode of his show.

"What Bernie stands for is a guy -- look, you could dig up dirt on every single human being that's ever existed if you catch them in their worst moment and you magnify those moments and you cut out everything else and you only display those worst moments. That said, you can't find very many with Bernie. He's been insanely consistent his entire life. He's basically been saying the same thing, been for the same thing his whole life. And that in and of itself is a very powerful structure to operate from."

Rogan, a libertarian-leaning broadcaster with a public persona in the mold of Howard Stern, is a divisive figure who has said the N-word on his show and in 2013 questioned -- using offensive language -- whether a transgender MMA fighter should be able to compete against other women.

That is a good point Bernie! So is Joe Rogan a guy who you really want on your side? He’s a bit racist, extremely misogynistic, and commands a troll army that would dwarf the one that is owned by glorious dictator Vladimir Putin. And if you want to know some of Rogan’s greatest hits, well, let’s take this time to go down the wormhole, shall we?

Sanders has received scrutiny for the endorsement after his campaign circulated a video touting Rogan’s support.

“He’s basically been saying the same thing his whole life. And that in and of itself is very a powerful structure to operate from,” Rogan said in the clip.

The comedian has come under fire for past comments insulting a range of groups, including the transgender community and African Americans.

"We get out. We’re giggling, 'We’re going to go see "Planet of the Apes." We walk into 'Planet of the Apes.' We walked into Africa," Rogan said in a 2013 podcast clip that was resurfaced after his endorsement before clarifying that there were "no white people in the theater."

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) also called on Sanders to renounce Rogan’s endorsement, specifically citing Rogan’s past comments.

So here’s the thing – do we include Joe Rogan’s die hard fans in the mix or do we not? I mean at one point the guy was called “the gateway drug to the Alt Right”. And that is a label that nobody under any circumstances should be strapped with. But his raunchy behavior and a tendency to ignore rules and all sense of common decency aside, do we include them in the party or not? He could be the key to defeating Trump and sending this administration packing, or not.

Survey data suggests that at least 25 percent of self-identified Democrats, and perhaps as much as 40 percent, hold explicitly racist views like “blacks are lazy.” Among independents—voters Democratic candidates repeatedly insist they must appeal to—those beliefs are even more common. Nearly half of Republicans are willing to tell pollsters that blacks are more violent than whites—and almost all of them voted for Donald Trump. No candidate has a base consisting entirely of people with enlightened, progressive views. Whether they realize it or not, all Democratic politicians count on people who hold both sympathetic and terrible views.

For the past year, Joe Biden has consistently done two things: led polling for the Democratic nomination and underwhelmed in campaigning for it. His appeal is based largely on “electability,” the pseudoscientific notion that he alone can win by appealing to Republicans, independents, and the all-important “white working class.”

The same Democratic and liberal voices that tout this as an asset in Biden (or, to a lesser extent, Pete Buttigieg, whose Indiana roots supposedly mean rural Midwesterners will like him) are apoplectic over the endorsement of Bernie Sanders by the meat-headed podcaster Joe Rogan. Rogan’s excruciating show, The Joe Rogan Experience, regularly features guests with awful beliefs, including white supremacists, and the host has a track record of racist, transphobic, homophobic, and misogynistic comments. As one prominent Sanders supporter, Princeton professor Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor, noted, it is crucial not to condone, disregard, or make excuses for those bad politics.

Oh come on people stop rabbling! Yeah Joe Rogan has a track record and a history of being a boorish buffoon reminiscent of your average Trump supporter. But let’s face facts – beating Trump should be our number one priority and we can’t keep fighting with ourselves if we’re going to beat him. We must unite damn it! And if we have to include Rogan supporters in the mix, so be it!

Joe Rogan is one of the most popular podcasters in America. He interviews celebrities, politicians, intellectuals and other public figures on an eponymous show. (Years ago, he also hosted Fear Factor.)

Sen. Bernie Sanders is running for president and is one of the leading candidates to challenge President Donald Trump in November.

Last week, Rogan essentially endorsed Sanders. The Sanders campaign quickly turned that into a viral video, seeing it as a key boost with Rogan’s millions of listeners, some of whom do not fall into Sanders’ traditional base of progressive voters.

But this is where things get more complicated and more controversial.

Soon after Rogan voiced his support, some began calling on Sanders, 78, to refuse the endorsement and denounce Rogan. They expressed dismay over Sanders’ decision to use Rogan’s quotes in a piece of official social media marketing.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Why are people in Iowa protesting outside Joe Biden’s office? We will analyze this and much more coming out of Iowa.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Cold War Kids[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great band from Los Angeles, you can see them on tour though March 21st. Playing their song “Complainer” from the first of a 3 part album series “New Age Norms I”, give it up for Cold War Kids!

Thank you UF-Miami! This was fun! We’re off to Florida State University next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: University Of Florida – Miami, Coral Gables, FL
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