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Wed Jan 15, 2020, 03:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-2: War, What Is It Good For? Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-2: War, What Is It Good For? Edition

Ed. Note: Due to a scheduling conflict at our host venue, the Top 10 is early today! Enjoy!

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up U-Mass? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Congratulations to the LSU Tigers on a perfect season. And the Clemson Tigers, you had a good run and you can sleep easier knowing you don’t have to eat Big Macs with Trump. Also RIP to Neal Peart. He could definitely be a contender for the drumming GOAT, and he was a pretty awesome dude at that. Do we have time for the thing? OK Southwest, I have a great advertisement for you. See, I provide ideas, that’s what I do. Well, anyway the reason I bring that up is that I’m sure you saw this viral clip from the Canadian version of Family Feud over the weekend going viral. So in the Canadian version, they have a sudden death lightning round. And the question that was asked had an extremely obvious answer. Well the woman who was answering had probably one of the dumbest answers in Family Feud history. You know what? Let’s show the clip.

Man they need to borrow a sound bite from a fellow game show and play the Price Is Right losing horn because that was quite the epic fail if there ever was one. Which is why this would make a great advertisement and you wouldn’t even need much, just that clip. Wanna get away? All right that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Stephen Colbert is back and talks about how Trump nearly got us into World War III:

So Donald J. Trump nearly brought us to the brink of nuclear war and almost kickstarted World War III, and almost kind of dodged a bullet there. In the first slot this week is of course the “ROAD TO WORLD WAR III” (1). And thank god that Congress is introducing legislation to limit Trump’s war powers. In the second slot this week is Donald J. Trump (2) and we’re going to catch you up on the latest in the ongoing impeachment trial. We’re weeks away from it going to the Senate, but Mitch McConnell obviously has his head up his ass and is refusing to play fairly. Taking the third slot this week, we’re going across the pond to tell you some disturbing news is that Boris Johnson’s Brexit (3) has been approved and Jan 31st will be the day that the UK leaves the EU, and it’s going to be an economic disaster. At slot #4 is former member of the People Who Somehow Got Elected club and that’s CA rep Duncan Hunter (4), and he is leaving Congress! Yay!! In the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week, we’re going to ask the question “is your boss a psychopath?”. Do you view the movie “Horrible Bosses” as a comedy or a documentary? We will let you be the judge! And in the sixth slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week our resident pastor is alarmed at an event that took place in Virginia called the “Movement Conference” (make your own jokes) that aims to tear down walls of separation of church and state, and he will take these so-called “Prayer Warriors” to task. In the seventh slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” (7) – OK so Melania Trump is on an anti-bullying campaign and conservatives and has-been celebrities can’t help but harp on Time Magazine’s person of the year Greta Thunberg. Is it OK? No. And in the 8th slot this week is a segment that originally appeared in our big British edition “What’s Up With The Royal Family?” (8), and Megan and Harry are set to leave the Royals, and head for the States. We will tell you what that means. Taking the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is an all new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! And finally this week, in our 2020 voters’ guide, Keeping Up With The Candidates, just whose side are Andrew Yang fans on? We will analyze the burgeoning candidate and let you find out for yourself! And the palate cleanser for all this, some live music from the awesome Foals! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Here’s the thing – you elect a republican, you’re going to go to war. That’s about as basic of a statement as you’re going to get. Trump and the military industrial complex want a war with Iran, and they’re going to give it to us whether we want it or not. Because why? There’s profit to be made in war, peace is boring and not profitable for weapons manufacturers. Where’s Tony Stark when you need him? He managed to privatize peace. But over New Year’s, Trump nearly brought us to the brink of not just a war with Iran, but with World War III. And it’s having some serious consequences. So just how bad was the killing of Soleimani and what are the consequences of it? Well…

Donald Trump on Saturday drew what may come to be seen as the most significant red line of his presidency in a three-part tweet, vowing specific military action against Iran if it "strikes any Americans, or American assets."

"We have ... targeted 52 Iranian sites (representing the 52 American hostages taken by Iran many years ago), some at a very high level & important to Iran & the Iranian culture" and "if Iran strikes any Americans, or American assets... Iran itself, WILL BE HIT VERY FAST AND VERY HARD," Trump wrote in a series of tweets.

Trump reiterated his warning in a series of tweets early Sunday, saying the United States just spent $2 trillion on military equipment.
"We are the biggest and by far the BEST in the World! If Iran attacks an American Base, or any American, we will be sending some of that brand new beautiful equipment their way...and without hesitation!," he tweeted. "They attacked us, & we hit back. If they attack again, which I would strongly advise them not to do, we will hit them harder than they have ever been hit before!"

Man remember the good old days when the mere idea of bombing Iran was just the musings of a creepy old guy singing a Beach Boys song parody?


Yeah that happened! But now it is not just the musings of a creepy old guy in song format, but it could possibly be a reality, and a reality which we should all be fearful of! Because, that’s our media – fear fear fear fear fear!!! Be afraid!!!

BEIRUT—About two years ago, Qassem Soleimani delivered a speech at a ceremony in Tehran marking a decade since the death of Imad Mughniyeh, the senior Hezbollah commander killed in a car-bomb explosion in the heart of Damascus, an attack carried out by the CIA with support from Israel. Standing in front of a huge portrait of Mughniyeh superimposed against a panorama of Jerusalem, Soleimani addressed an audience of senior Iranian officials, as well as representatives of Iran’s proxy militias in Iraq, Lebanon, the Palestinian territories, Syria, and Yemen.

Soleimani hailed Mughniyeh as “the legend” responsible for practically all the achievements of Iran’s so-called axis of resistance, which according to the Iranian general included building Hezbollah and the Palestinian group Hamas into formidable threats to Israel and killing 241 American service members in the 1983 bombing of a U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut. “The enemy knows that punishment for Imad’s blood is not firing a missile or a tit-for-tat assassination,” he told the crowd. “The punishment for Imad’s blood is the eradication of the Zionist entity.”

Following Soleimani’s killing in an American air strike this month, it is worth remembering the man’s own words. Soleimani, Mughniyeh, and the current Hezbollah leader, Hassan Nasrallah, formed a trio of men who carried out Iran’s strategy across the Middle East under Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. And so it is hard to overstate the magnitude of the blow that Soleimani’s death has delivered. The focus in the days since his killing has been on the perceived impulsiveness of Donald Trump’s decision, Iran’s retaliation—limited thus far to the firing of 22 missiles at two U.S. bases in Iraq, with no reported casualties—the public displays of grief for Soleimani in Iran, and the national- security implications. But as with Mughniyeh’s death, to paraphrase Soleimani himself, the response to the Iranian general’s killing will not be restricted to a lone missile attack or a tit-for-tat move—Iran is not yet done.

Holy shit!! Yeah he’s going to get a whole bunch of people killed in the process. But remember the terror code list from the Bush era where things were red to green in terms of severity? Well, Trump downgraded the severity of Soleimani’s killing from “imminent threat” to “deterrence”. Despite that the government and citizens of Iran are saying literally the opposite.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Attorney General William Barr said Monday that killing Iranian commander Qasem Soleimani was part of a larger strategy of deterrence, a shift from the Trump administration's previous rationale that the strike was carried out to prevent an "imminent" attack.

Barr's comments were particularly noteworthy as he attempted to push back on criticism over the administration's claim that Soleimani was planning attacks that posed an imminent threat, calling the concept "something of a red herring."

"I believe there was intelligence of imminent attack, but I do believe that concept of imminence is something of a red herring," he said during a press conference on last month's deadly shooting at a Naval Air Station in Pensacola, Florida.

"I think when you're dealing with a situation where you already have attacks underway, you know there is a campaign that involves repeated attacks on American targets, I don't think there's a requirement frankly for, you know, knowing the exact time and place of the next attack. And that certainly was the position of the Obama when it droned leaders of terrorist organizations," Barr added.

I don’t claim to know a lot, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how a red herring works. And now we play the blame game. Who is getting blamed for this? Well since no one reads past the headlines anymore, the US is blaming Iran, and Iran is blaming the US. But Iran doesn’t have a petulant man baby currently holding the highest office in the land. Apparently they haven’t joined the Putin Dictators’ Club yet .I hear there are a few memberships open for that position.

Iran said Tuesday that dozens of people had been arrested over the Islamic Republic's apparently unintentional shooting down of a Ukrainian jetliner last week. The arrests come amid Iranian vows to fully and openly investigate the firing of the surface-to-air missile that downed the plane, killing all 176 people on board.

But while Iran confessed to shooting the jet down — three days after the fact and under intense international pressure — its president asserted Tuesday that the "root causes" of the tragedy were U.S. actions.

"It was the U.S. that caused such an incident to take place," Iran's state-controlled news agency Tasnim quoted President Hassan Rouhani as saying. The Iranian regime has blamed the Trump administration for ratcheting up tensions with the controversial decision to kill senior Iranian military commander Qassem Soleimani in a January 2 drone strike in Baghdad.

Iranian forces shot the plane down hours after launching a barrage of ballistic missiles at military bases in Iraq housing hundreds of U.S. forces, in retaliation for the killing of Soleimani. Officials in Tehran have said their forces were on high-alert for any U.S. response to the missile attack, and the operator who fired on the plane believed it was an incoming American missile.

Yeah that’s kind of what the international blame game is like. I would talk more about the horrible plane crash that happened in Baghdad as a result of this, but making fun of that would be beneath us. That said, we can talk about President Man Baby’s revealing of why he killed Soleimani. I mean really this begs the question – did Mar A Lago guests know about the killing before hand? And the other question - WAR! HUH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? Absolutely nothing!!! Say it again!!

Presidential contender Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., sent a letter to two financial regulators this week demanding a federal investigation into whether President Donald Trump provided advance notice of the Jan. 3 strike against Iranian General Qasem Soleimani to stock traders who may have profited illegally based on the tip.

The letter, dated Monday and sent to the chairmen of the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Commodities Futures Trading Commission, follows a Jan. 4 report in The Daily Beast, citing three unnamed sources, which said that Trump had told guests of his Florida resort Mar-a-Lago in the days before the strike to expect a "big" response to Iran that would happen "soon."

"If this report is true, it raises a number of troubling national security questions regarding President Trump's handling of classified and other sensitive national security information," Warren wrote in the letter, which was also signed by Sen. Chris Van Hollen, D-Md., the ranking member of the Senate subcommittee that oversees securities and investments.

The senators wrote that the president's resort guests may have obtained "confidential market-moving information and had the opportunity to trade defense industry stocks or commodities or make other trades based on this information."

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[font size="8"]Donald J. Trump
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I’m just going to warn you right now that next week’s Top 10 could have a very different attitude depending on the outcome of the impeachment trial. Right now I’m expecting that the Senate will vote not to go through with impeachment and conviction which means that we will most likely be in a “fuck everything mood”. On the other hand if they surprise us, we will be in a “pop the champagne” mood. So that said, since Trump nearly brought us to the brink of World War III to distract from impeachment, how is that sitting with Congress and most particularly Adam Schiff? Well, let’s find out how well it’s going.

The imminent final act of America's impeachment ordeal will be played for far higher political stakes than might be expected given the all-but-guaranteed acquittal of President Donald Trump in his trial in the Republican-led Senate.

The long wait for the trial to begin -- nearly four weeks pulsating with political gamesmanship after the House voted to consign Trump to historic ignominy -- finally looks to be over.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a California Democrat, will meet her troops on Tuesday and is expected to finally relent in her refusal to send the articles of impeachment to the other chamber -- a delay triggered by a bid to dictate the terms of the trial.

Finally, the Senate will get the chance to assess whether Trump, the third president ever impeached by the House, is guilty of the standard of "high crimes and misdemeanors" for trying to coerce Ukraine to dig up dirt on his possible 2020 election foe Joe Biden.

The way that the public comes to view the climax of the scandal will shape the rest of the President's term, his hopes for a second one and the destiny of the Senate come November's elections.

Where is Thanos? Can we just snap with the Infinity Stones and erase the last 3 years? Or can we snap forward 5 years? What? That’s not how it works? The question now is whether or not John Bolton is going to testify at the big senate hearing. The strange thing is that we never, not once ever, thought that Mitt Romney would be the voice of reason when the opposing party has become a dangerous and scary cult.

The House is about to send President Donald Trump's impeachment over to the Senate, setting the stage for a high-profile showdown over just what kind of trial we'll see. And perhaps the biggest looming question is: Will John Bolton testify?

That question is starting to come into focus. The idea that Senate will quickly dismiss the impeachment articles and move on, as Trump has suggested, apparently isn't going to happen - which that means we can now turn to other matters like Bolton.

Sen. Mitt Romney, R-Utah, this week became the first to directly indicate he supports Trump's former national security adviser testifying and would likely vote in favor of it. And despite declining to insist on Bolton's testimony as part of the trial's initial rules, two others appear amenable to voting for witnesses like Bolton during the trial. But that would still leave the vote deadlocked at 50-50, with one more GOP senator needed to put Bolton - and other witnesses Democrats desire, like acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney - on the stand.

In other words: It's on a knife's edge.

Romney has previously indicated he wants to hear from Bolton, who resisted testifying to the House but says he would in a Senate trial. But now Romney has further clarified (with some wiggle room) that he would likely vote in favor of it.

I don’t know why we’re using Endgame GIFs, but really it does feel like the end of a very long and strange trip doesn’t it? But apparently now Nancy Pelosi says that there’s a new “truckload” of evidence that suggests that Trump did the deed of asking the Ukraine to dig up dirt on Biden even though it’s a completely baseless and bullshit conspiracy theory. How’s that going?

Russian hackers recently targeted the Ukrainian gas company that was at the center of President Trump's impeachment — and they succeeded in gaining access to its email accounts, according to California cybersecurity firm Area 1 Security.

The hackers are said to have infiltrated Burisma Holdings months after Trump urged Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden and his son Hunter, who had served on Burisma's board.

"What we've uncovered is that the same Russian cyber actors who targeted the [Democratic National Committee] in 2016 have been actively launching a phishing campaign against employees of Burisma Holdings and its subsidiaries, to try to steal their email usernames and passwords," Area 1 co-founder Oren Falkowitz tells NPR's Morning Edition.

Trump's push for the Ukrainian probe led to his Dec. 18 impeachment by the House of Representatives on charges of abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. The House had formalized its impeachment inquiry on Oct. 31; hackers linked to Russia's government reportedly sprang into action in early November.

Yeah…well why do we let Russia get away with anything? Since the 1980s, Russia has consistently produced nothing but bad for society. Hell, even before the 80s, it was pretty well known that Russia was the Loki to the USA’s Thor. But you know next week is our Straw Poll Special, and with the Straw Poll happening in Iowa like it always does, how does impeachment fly there?

owa voters are almost equally divided over the House's move to impeach President Trump and make him just the third president in U.S. history to face removal by the Senate, according to a new CNN/Des Moines Register/Mediacom poll.

The survey, released late Saturday, found that 45 percent of registered Iowa voters disapprove of the House impeachment of Trump, while 43 percent support it. The opinions divide strongly along partisan lines, with 87 percent of Democrats supporting impeachment and 90 percent of Republican respondents opposing it.

Forty-eight percent of independent respondents said they disapproved the House's move to impeach Trump while 39 percent said they approved it.

The House last month voted to impeach Trump on charges of abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. The vote followed a House inquiry into allegations that Trump pressured the Ukrainian president to announce probes into 2020 presidential candidate Joe Biden and an unfounded theory related to the 2016 election. Trump is also alleged to have withheld military aid as leverage in his push for the investigations.


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[font size="8"]Brexit Goes Through
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Last week while the rest of the world was sleeping and Trump was rage-tweeing whatever his brain barfed while he was on the toilet, his doppleganger, Boris Johnson got to work with the newly elected, ultra conservative British Parliament, and got to work on derailing Europe’s economy. Yes, after the glorious clusterfuck of the last 3 years watching the British government absolutely implode, Brexit is going to be a reality and we have exactly two weeks before it takes effect! So just what can you expect from this latest shit show? Well we’re going to be hearing a lot about it in the last 10 days.

Britain’s impending departure from the European Union on Jan. 31 is merely, as Winston Churchill might have said, the end of the beginning. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson will herald Brexit as the moment the nation recovers its sovereignty. The truth, however, is far messier. The ultimate terms and costs of the divorce are yet to be determined. The nature of Britain’s future relationship with the continent, whether the United Kingdom will stay united in Brexit’s wake, and what global role Britain will play after regaining its “splendid isolation” all remain to be seen.

The U.K. was always an awkward partner in the EU, given its historic ambivalence toward the continent, sense of exceptionalism and global aspirations. Britain was “with Europe, but not of it,” Churchill wrote in 1930. After World War II, it championed European integration but refrained from joining the European Economic Community until 1973. Ever after that, British leaders remained jealous of national prerogatives and vigilant about overreach from Brussels, culminating in the Brexit referendum of June 2016, when a narrow majority of Britons voted to leave the EU altogether.

After three and a half torturous years, a divided Britain is poised to deliver on that momentous decision, thanks to a decisive Conservative victory in last month’s general election. Over the past few weeks, the Withdrawal Agreement Bill, negotiated alongside a Political Declaration outlining the future relationship between Britain and the EU, has been winding its way through Parliament.

That is a good point, sir. But I’m sensing a pattern here. The people who want Brexit are the same as the people who want Catalan separated from Spain. Who are the same people who are bringing white supremacy back to Italy. Who are the same people who elected Bolsonaro in Brazil and Erdogan in Turkey. And… the same people who want Johnson and Trump! I figured it out! The entire planet is sinking into a right wing hell hole! Sit back and watch the show, boys and girls, it’s gonna get ugly!

LONDON (Reuters) - Prime Minister Boris Johnson won approval for his Brexit deal in parliament on Friday, the first step toward fulfilling his election pledge to deliver Britain’s departure from the European Union by Jan. 31 after his landslide victory.

Lawmakers voted by 358 to 234 to pass the second reading of the legislation, underlining Johnson’s large majority in parliament that should ensure a smooth ratification of the divorce deal to implement Britain’s biggest policy shift in more than 40 years.

More than three years since Britain voted to exit the EU in a 2016 referendum, the deep uncertainty over Brexit has now been replaced by a firm deadline of the end of January. Only after that will the prime minister face talks to secure a trade deal with the bloc and another target date of the end of next year.

Getting “the Brexit vote wrapped up for Christmas” was the main aim for Johnson showing that, unlike his predecessor Theresa May who was thwarted in parliament, he now has free rein to drive Brexit forward despite continued criticism from opposition lawmakers.

“This is the time when we move on and discard the old labels of ‘leave’ and ‘remain’ ... now is the time to act together as one reinvigorated nation, one United Kingdom,” Johnson told parliament before the vote.

Except none of this is good! I mean come on, in 3 and a half years that the planet has been turned upside down and flipped toward the right wing hell hole we’re vast descending into, should anyone be surprised at this? Anyone? Well, just wait until you see how much Brexit is already destroying the British economy – and we’re not even 15 days out from it taking full effect!

The UK's December election brought new certainty around Brexit's completion, but the event will grow most expensive in 2020, according to new research from Bloomberg Economics.

The study by UK economist Dan Hanson found Brexit has already cost the nation roughly 130 billion pounds ($170 billion), and estimates Prime Minister Boris Johnson's expedited exit from the EU will add another 70 billion pounds ($91 billion) by the end of 2020.

Bloomberg Economics' yearly cost estimate for 2020 is the highest since Brexit's June 2016 referendum, as the economic toll to the UK has accelerated each year since the historic vote. The nation's economy outperformed analyst estimates in the months following the vote as consumer spending remained strong, Hanson wrote. By 2017, growth began to lag as an inflated pound and slowing income growth bit into spending activity.

As the initial deadline of March 29, 2019, grew closer, increased uncertainty around the deal's specifics and future trade deals further dragged on the economy. In the years since Brexit's approval, the UK's growth has halved to 1% from 2%, according to the study.

Holy shit!!! Hey, I thought conservatives hated wasteful government spending! It’s only a mere $260 billion, that’s what, half an Amazon? But really conservatives are going to keep digging their own holes, and the sad thing is that they will blame this on liberals, because reasons. But let’s listen to actual MEPs who may hold grave warnings about what’s ahead for Europe. But why should they listen?

The European Parliament is stepping up warnings over citizens’ rights after Brexit, expressing fears in particular that safeguards for EU nationals living in the UK are being jeopardised by Boris Johnson’s government.

A draft resolution to be debated by MEPs in Strasbourg stresses that their approval for the divorce deal will depend on assurances given, especially over the UK’s EU Settlement Scheme.

Under this scheme, Europeans will have to register in order to continue living in the country. It calls for provisions in the withdrawal agreement to be fully implemented.

The motion expresses “grave concern” over the fate of EU citizens who fail to meet the registration deadline on 30 June 2021. Last year UK Home Office minister Brandon Lewis suggested that people who had not applied to formalise their status by that date could “theoretically” be deported.

It also accuses the British government of failing to protect EU nationals against potential future discrimination by employers or landlords, and says inadequate registration infrastructure could leave people exposed.

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[font size="8"]Duncan Hunter
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One of the stupidest political scandals we’ve seen in quite some time come from San Diego’s Duncan Hunter. Remember when he got caught spending ungodly amounts of campaign money for personal expenses (see: Idiots #5-10). And it got to be quite the stuff of insanity especially when he spent $600 transporting his pet rabbit on a Southwest flight. Yeah that’s a thing that happened. Well, Duncan Hunter is no longer going to be an elected representative from California. And we can’t be the first to say “Bye! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!”.

Rep. Duncan D. Hunter officially stepped down as representative for the 50th District at the close of business Monday, more than one month after the California Republican pleaded guilty in federal court to misusing campaign funds.

Hunter submitted his letter of resignation to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., last week.

The six-term congressman is scheduled to be sentenced in March. He faces a maximum of five years in prison, although he is expected to serve less than one year. His wife, Margaret Hunter, also pleaded guilty. She is scheduled to be sentenced in April.

Hunter and his wife were charged in August 2018 with using more than $250,000 in campaign funds to pay for personal expenses including family vacations, theater tickets and school tuition.

The lawmaker was stripped of his committee assignments but continued serving in Congress and won reelection in 2018 after initially pleading not guilty and denying wrongdoing..

Yes, ha ha indeed! But here’s the weird thing about this – Gov. Newsome hasn’t stated that he wants to hold an election to replace Hunter. And San Diego is a pretty heavily republican district, and we’re really not sure why. We suspect that Mr. Hunter only got elected because not enough people showed up to the election to vote on his replacement. So who is vying to replace him?

The focus of the 50th Congressional District race understandably has been on the Republican candidates.

It’s a heavily Republican district soon to be vacated by GOP Rep. Duncan Hunter, who pleaded guilty to felony misuse of campaign funds this month and announced he would be resigning after the holidays.

Also, Ammar Campa-Najjar, who lost to Hunter last year by only a few percentage points, was the lone Democrat in the race and was expected to advance from the March primary to the November general election.

Now he has company.

Marisa Calderon, executive director of the National Assn. of Hispanic Real Estate Professionals, had begun running in the neighboring 53rd District, where Democratic incumbent Susan Davis chose not to seek reelection. Shortly before the filing deadline, Calderon shifted to the Hunter district.

What impact she may have, and how much of a threat she poses to Campa-Najjar, is uncertain. Right now, it doesn’t seem like much. That, of course, could change depending on what kind of campaign she runs, how much money she raises and whether she has a compelling message.

Yes, stay classy San Diego, but now that the dust has settled, where does the blame lie? You could probably blame the voters because they fall for the classic textbook definition of insanity. Which as you know is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So why is Hunter’s seat remaining vacant for a year? Well the answers are not as easy as you might think.

California Gov. Gavin Newsom will not call a special election to fill the unfinished term of U.S. Rep. Duncan D. Hunter, who resigned after pleading guilty to a corruption charge, a spokeswoman for the governor said Wednesday.

His decision means the solidly Republican, San Diego-area district will not have a vote in the House of Representatives until January 2021, when Hunter’s successor takes office. Three Republicans and one Democrat face off in a March 3 primary, with the top two finishers advancing to a November runoff, regardless of party affiliation.

The Democratic governor won’t call a special election “based on the timing of the resignation,” said Vicky Waters, a spokeswoman.

Hunter, 43, tendered his resignation Tuesday, more than a month after he pleaded guilty to siphoning campaign funds for personal expenses. It takes effect Monday.

Newsom was under no obligation to call a special election after Dec. 6, the filing deadline for California’s March primary.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Really Horrible Bosses
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

You might think that your boss is the worst boss out there. But the idea of bosses being psychopaths is nothing new. Whether it happens in a dark comedy or it happens in real life, the dangers of your boss being a horrible person are not only a much more common occurrence, you could right now be employed by one. And the more likely a person is to be anti-social and reckless with their behavior, the more likely they are to be employed on the higher ranks of the corporate ladder. And the overall statistics are more alarming than you might think. It’s not just your boss, one out of 3 tend to be psychopaths and engage in inappropriate behavior.

If you think any of the statements above describe you, then you most likely have a tendency to display antisocial, callous and reckless behaviors. According a study dating back to 2010, there were at least three times as many psychopaths in executive or CEO roles than in the overall population. But more recent data found it’s now a much higher figure: 20 percent.


In a similar vein, a British firefighter who was awarded a medal of honor for his heroic actions during the 2005 London terrorist attack, when he risked his life saving the passengers of the bombed bus, is now serving a 14-year prison sentence for his involvement in a $135 million cocaine ring.

By the same token, some of the most iconic entrepreneurs have been associated with egoistic tendencies. Steve Jobs and Elon Musk, for example, are two icons whose disruptive personalities made them as innovative as they were difficult to work with.

Jobs got fired from his own company and displayed clear patterns of low empathy and antisocial behavior: Parking in the disabled parking spots and bullying and intimidating his employees. Musk’s narcissistic side has also been manifested — rather often — in his combative rants with investors, the media and his employees, as well as his confrontational and erratic social media presence.

But it’s not all bad. Jobs and Musk undeniably have talent for entrepreneurship, defined as the ability to translate original and useful ideas into practical innovations.

But bosses shouldn’t be mocking people for calling their grandmother “gam gam”. However, just like being in an abusive relationship, being in a horrible work relationship may be detrimental to your overall health. Psychopaths, like Donald Trump or Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, for instance, thrive under a certain kind of leadership, and it’s the kind that those of us who aren’t leaders are the ones that everyone else hates.

A common saying is that people leave managers, not jobs. If you work for a narcissist or a psychopath, you might reach your limit faster than you thought.

But sometimes it can be a good thing to work for someone who doesn't have any empathy, because they can have strong leadership skills. They are cool-headed and charismatic, and can make ruthless business decisions. You just have to hope they won't cause you stress for their own amusement.

Many CEOs have psychopathic traits, but to get to that point they have to work under people too. According to a new study, published in the Journal of Business Ethics, psychopaths thrive under a certain kind of leadership, and it's the kind that most of us despise.

Charlice Hurst, an assistant professor of management in Notre Dame's Mendoza College of Business, and lead author of the study, explained there are two distinct dimensions of psychopathy: primary and secondary.

"Both consist of high levels of antisocial behavior," she said in a statement. "However, people who score high in primary psychopathy lack empathy and are cool-headed and fearless. They don't react to things that cause other people to feel stressed, fearful, or angry. Secondary psychopaths are more hot-headed and impulsive."

So you cringing at staying at work a few extra hours late, or doing things that your boss orders you to do, is perfectly normal. It’s your boss who is the one who isn’t. So how do you look for signs that your boss might be a psychopath? Well one of the clues might lie in his e-mails that he sends not only to you but to the whole company. Just watch for certain keywords.

They’re charismatic, unpredictable and make you do things you never imagined.

These traits could describe the most inspirational bosses you ever had. But as we learned at a SXSW panel this week, they could also describe psychopaths when combined with other key traits such as ego, self-deception and callousness.

In fact, the panel’s experts say there’s almost one psychopath for every 100 people, with rates shooting up in the workplace, especially in leadership, thanks to psychopaths’ ease with manipulation. Research finds that nearly 4 percent of corporate CEOs are psychopaths, and this rate is nearly doubled among middle managers. (Shockingly, the share of psychopaths among middle managers is nearly as high as the share of psychopaths in medium security prisons.)

In the world of startups, psychopaths could be particularly hard to spot. Psychopaths might be irrational and driven by ego, but so are successful entrepreneurs, points out Brian Stolle, a venture capitalist who says he’s worked with founders who fit a psychopathic profile.

And that is usually the ultimate goal of a CEO is to squash the competition. But just like any movie where the boss is the bad guy, in the end they will all get their just desserts. You may have to answer to your boss, but even your boss has to answer to his boss, and ultimately isn’t that where it all leads in the end?

It takes years to build a great career but just months for a bad boss to destroy it. A manager who bullies and blames will spread insecurity wherever they go, with a drip-drip pattern of behavior designed to undermine all who stand in their path.

Over a third of America’s workforce has experienced abuse from their colleagues in the form of threats, humiliation or sabotage of performance. A further 75% of those who quit do so because of a difficult supervisor rather than the position itself.

But for those feeling rundown by overbearing managers, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. New research indicates that abusive bosses are their own worst enemy in the workplace.

“Abusive bosses experience significant social costs from their behavior in the workplace, most notably by losing social worth,” says Professor Manuela Priesemuth, whose paper on the effects of office bullying has just been published in the Journal of Applied Psychology.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Amherst! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! Are you a “prayer warrior”? Well of course you are, you’re attending my church after all! But the reason why I ask is that there was an event in Virginia last week. We did not attend, instead we watched the live stream. But it was very alarming. The higher ends of this church were alarmed that the Christian right wants to tear down the separation of church and state. That’s the very thing keeping this country from becoming a totalitarian hell hole. These people are determined to break down the things that keep America a free country. The event in question is called the “Movement 2020” conference. Come on, this should be called the “Gathering Of The Deplorables”. These people are organized, they are armed, and they are angry!

On Friday, Jan. 3, while President Donald Trump was in Miami surrounded by political allies at the campaign launch of Evangelicals for Trump, prayer warriors gathered in Fredericksburg, Virginia, where they heard about ambitious plans for a nationwide series of Christian prayer events in tents and stadiums designed to spark spiritual revival and evangelical activism.

The Friday night gathering was the closing session for Movement 2020, a conference that began three nights earlier on New Year’s Eve. In the cavernous Fredericksburg Expo Center, somewhere between 1,000 and 2,000 attendees listened to hours of preaching, prayer, and worship music. Participants were told that their songs and prayers would help bring “God’s government” to Earth. The event was organized by Awaken the Dawn, a Fredericksburg-based ministry that organized a tent city on the National Mall in 2017, simultaneous worship tent events in state capitals and campuses in 2018, and a similar tent events in hundreds of locations in 2019. Awaken the Dawn is one of many ministries that focus on intense worship designed to bring participants into the presence of God and love of Jesus, so they will help spark revival and societal “reformation.”

Groups mobilizing for mass public prayer and worship, like participants in Movement 2020, exist alongside other prayer projects like Intercessors for America, POTUS Shield, and Paula White’s One Voice Prayer Movement, which distribute conservative talking points in the form of prayer suggestions and “prayer points.” In the Summer 2014 issue of The Journal of Religion and Popular Culture, scholar Cynthia Burack, who has examined the uses of prayer projects by the Christian right, noted that the use of “devotional rhetoric” and softer political messaging can make prayer projects less immediately identifiable as vehicles for the advancement of conservative political strategies than the efforts of traditional religious-right political groups like the Family Research Council.

Now these are some very dangerous groups who preach where the highest levels of government are present. What are they trying to accomplish? What is their motive? Well when you peel back the layers of this insane event, their motive becomes far more shockingly clear. And if you guessed it’s the opposite of what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, well, you might be right. Take for instance, one of our favorite groups, One Million Moms, they were there.

Conservative advocacy group One Million Moms has condemned Burger King for its use of “profanity” in a commercial from August.

The ad campaign, first aired in August, finds customers waiting in line for a fake "Impossible Restaurant," which ends up being a Burger King storefront for the company’s plant-based Impossible Whopper. At the 45 second mark, one customer, after sampling the burger, says: “Damn, that’s good.”

In a statement published Friday, One Million Moms decried the use of “the d-word” in the ad campaign, calling the campaign “offensive” and “controversial.”

“Burger King’s Impossible Whopper ad is irresponsible and tasteless,” the organization wrote in the statement. “It is extremely destructive and damaging to impressionable children viewing the commercial. We all know children repeat what they hear.”

The group's callout comes a month after the same group successfully campaigned for the Hallmark Channel to pull an ad for a wedding-planning company that featured a same-sex couple kissing at the altar. The channel reversed course a day after pulling the spot, apologizing for "the hurt it has unintentionally caused.".

Yeah seriously come on!!! They give us shit for being snowflakes but they can’t even hear the word “damn”?? That’s a shocking level of hypocrisy from the Prayer Warrior movement. And that’s certainly not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want. In fact let’s examine the Prayer Warrior movement a bit further. These people are not on our side. Instead, they worship the unholy, ungodly Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church!

In mid-October, less than a month into the House Democrats’ formal impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump, Jim Bakker, the televangelist and convicted fraudster, was in front of a studio audience at his Morningside Church complex in Blue Eye, Missouri, a remote village of less than 200 people in the Ozarks. As the crew prepared the semicircular desk where the 79-year-old conducts freewheeling interviews with evangelical celebrity guests, Bakker took a moment to deliver an important message to the hundred or so people who had come to watch the taping: “God’s sending judgment.”

God, Bakker continued, “anointed your president.” Anyone who crosses the divinely chosen leader, he implied, is risking God’s wrath.

That morning, news had broken of the unexpected death of Democratic Congressman and House Oversight and Reform Committee Chairman Elijah Cummings, who aggressively investigated Trump and who would have played a key role in impeachment proceedings. But there would be no prayers or condolences for the civil rights advocate from Bakker, who would only call Cummings “that man.” Instead, Bakker concluded with satisfaction, “one of the number-one enemies of our president fell dead last night. A man who insists on impeaching the president of the United States, he fell dead.”

As Trump faces increasingly grim polling numbers over impeachment, white evangelicals have dug in as his most loyal defenders. According to a Washington Post/ABC News poll conducted in late October, about a month after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced the official launch of the impeachment probe, 80% of white evangelicals opposed impeaching Trump and removing him from office (compared to just 47% of the public at large). Two-thirds of white evangelicals believed Trump did nothing wrong in his dealings with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. Among white evangelicals who identify as Republican, 99% of them opposed impeachment, according to an October analysis by the Public Religion Research Institute.


That he does! And his name is someone who I shall not say in my church, because he currently occupies the highest office in the land!! These Prayer Warriors are not out to change America or the world for the better, they’re only making it worse! So much worse! If you want a rundown of some of the attendees in this conference, just look at how their “harvest of souls” even t went, and who was in attendance.

In Engle’s absence, David Bradshaw delivered what had been billed as a special announcement revealing plans for 2020. Bradshaw described Awaken the Dawn as part of a larger move by God to bring the presence of God to Americans through “tents of glory” that would house worship, the proclamation of the gospel, and healing and other signs and wonders. Bradshaw mentioned, as he has before, that his tent ministry is based on having heard a word from God that tents are “a silver bullet for the move of God in America.”

The 2020 plan Bradshaw described on Friday night was presented as an effort to bring together worship and the proclamation of gospel in tents, and to align it with the season of “stadium Christianity” in America, which is about mobilizing a massive End Times “harvest” of souls.

Various movements and organizations will be collaborating on a traveling show that will begin on the National Mall in Washington D.C., in June with a Lincoln Memorial gathering led by Together 2020. Caravans of worship tents will then spend 100 days traveling across the country before convening in Kansas City on a farm once owned by Harry Truman and now owned by IHOP-KC. In October, participants will march from the Awaken the Dawn tent gathering on IHOP-KC’s land to Kansas City’s Arrowhead Stadium for a massive stadium rally sponsored by The Send.

The October gatherings and march were described by Movement 2020 leaders as the fulfillment of a prophecy made decades ago by the late “prophet” Bob Jones, whose other prophetic utterances include the Gulliver prophecy. In 2016, Rick Joyner’s Morningstar Ministries opened a Bob Jones Vision Center for “prayer, praise and prophecy.”

Bradshaw closed with a pitch for money to buy a 2000-person circus tent as a “statement of faith” and offered an opportunity for people to come forward to ask for prayers and healing.

Except that doesn’t have any relevance to what we’re talking about. Or maybe it does. But really “Harvest Of Souls”? “Prayer, praise and prophecy?” Are they starting a religious movement or a heavy metal concert? Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Conservatives Vs Greta Thunberg
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While we were taking our much needed break during the holidays, we missed Time Magazine naming 16 year old Swedish environmental activist and social media darling Greta Thunberg as their Person Of The Year. And conservatives lost their collective minds over this. Not to mention Trump has his head up his ass on this subject. But the fact that Trump didn’t get the award and lost his shit over it, really shows where Trump’s head is at in 2020. Come on, we’re just 15 days into the year. It’s going to be a really long year, people. So why do conservatives have such a beef with a 16 year old environmental activist? Is it because she’s out there making it happen while they’re sitting on their computers doing absolutely nothing about it but complaining? Sounds about par for the course.

And in “things that sound like food but isn’t really food” news, Meat Loaf said that he doesn’t believe in climate change and claimed that climate action activist Greta Thunberg has somehow been brainwashed. He also claimed that he is a “sex god.” Let’s address two of these three claims here.

In an article for the Daily Mail, Rebecca Davison relayed this quote from Loaf: “I feel for that Greta. She has been brainwashed into thinking that there is climate change and there isn't. She hasn't done anything wrong but she's been forced into thinking that what she is saying is true.”

Stop right there. I gotta know right now. Even though you’ve probably been wondering for a long time what Meat Loaf thinks about climate change, where exactly is the evidence behind his statement? Because, while he may do anything for love, as his 1993 song told us, would he really make statements about climate change and Thunberg that aren’t backed by facts? Would he do that?

Now it’s not clear if the 16-year-old Thunberg even knows who Meat Loaf is. After all, Thunberg wasn’t even around when Meat Loaf was charting his top hits in the 1970’s and 1990’s and appeared in the 1997 movie Spice World. (Yes, Meat Loaf was at one time covered in Spice.) If Thunberg isn’t aware of the 72-year-old singer-songwriter and sees the headlines or what’s trending on Twitter, then she may wonder why a baked or smoked dish of ground meat mixed with other ingredients molded into the shape of a loaf is commenting about her. Some on Twitter such as @AllanaHarkin did wonder:

I’ll do anything for loooooooooooooove, but I don’t care about facts! Ah, that doesn’t have the same ring to it doesn’t it? But really Greta, the first thing you should remember in the social media is that this is the era of the troll. And I’m not even going to say what Sebastian Gorka called her, you can Google that one yourself. Because, fuck that guy. Anyway Greta, don’t feed the troll. Just don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it…

Greta Thunberg responded to singer Meat Loaf's assertion that she has been "brainwashed" on climate change by stating that the issue of environmental injustice extends well beyond him.

The "Bat Out of Hell" singer told the Daily Mail in a Jan. 1 interview that he does not believe in climate change, but rather, that he believes Thunberg, 17, has been "brainwashed."

"She has been brainwashed into thinking that there is climate change and there isn't," he said. "She hasn't done anything wrong but she's been forced into thinking that what she is saying is true."

Thunberg, who was named Time magazine's Person of the Year for 2019, responded to the musician on Twitter on Monday, writing that the focus shouldn't be placed on Meat Loaf or on herself.

"It’s not about what some people call me. It’s not about left or right," she tweeted. "It’s all about scientific facts. And that we’re not aware of the situation. Unless we start to focus everything on this, our targets will soon be out of reach."

Ah you fed the trolls why did you do that??? You can’t win a guy like Meatloaf over with facts. It’s pretty well known that since the Trump train attracts has-been celebrities that he’s a solid contender for a D-list republican. But let’s expand on feeding the trolls a bit. In the social media era, people have been compelled to bully children because reasons. Just ask the Parkland Survivors. It’s a phenomenon that really needs to be addressed.

Over the past decade, we’ve spent considerable time talking about bullying prevention. Conversations tend to focus on children harming other children, particularly in the schoolyard or online cyberbullying. Recently, however, there have been a number of high profile examples of adults bullying a child — specifically targeting child activists. These are kids whose actions have thrust them into the limelight and emboldened grown-ups who see a mature child in the public eye as fair game.

Take Greta Thunberg for example. The climate activist just turned 17 and was named Time’s “Person of the Year.” Her age has not protected her from a volley of verbal abuse, not just at the hands of the usual Internet trolls, but also from the President of the United States.

Donald Trump said Time Magazine’s selection of Thunberg was “ridiculous,” then proceeded to bash the young girl on Twitter. “Greta must work on her Anger Management problem,” the president wrote. “Then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill!”


And Thunberg is far from being alone. Students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School have been bullied incessantly for speaking out in favor of gun control. The fact that they are children has not stopped adults from lashing out at them, calling them “crisis actors” and insisting they are nothing more than puppets being controlled by gun reform advocates.

That is a good question sir! And that is coming from the President Of The United States by the way. Yes, the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES sent an insulting tweet to a teenage climate change activist. And the Trumpsters are apparently OK with that. And children aren’t the only ones who are being targeted, look at someone like Lizzo who had a meltdown last week after some vicious trolling. Can we stop it with this shit already? Just don’t feed the trolls!

On January 6, Lizzo tweeted: "Yeah I can't do this Twitter s**t no more... too many trolls. I'll be back when I feel like it." Despite her fans supporting her decision and some others begging her to come back, her feed was overrun with trolls celebrating the fact that they had made her quit Twitter.

It is a known and well-researched fact that women are harassed on social media and other online forums more frequently than men. Trolling and cyberbullying could range from shaming comments and jokes, slurs, offensive language and in extreme cases, stalking and doxxing.

It is also no surprise that women who have an online voice and presence like journalists and celebrities often get an even greater amount of vitriol, especially if they espouse a cause or stand up for a certain issue. Online scrutiny often translates into body shaming especially for celebrities for whom appearance is part of their personal brands.

Chrissy Teigen was body-shamed for a "flat a**" in July 2019. In 2018, Millie Bobby Brown left Twitter after becoming a homophobic meme, without her consent. Kelly Marie Tran, who starred in 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi', deleted all her Instagram photos in June 2018 after months of harassment from racist 'Star Wars' fans.

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[font size="8"]What’s Up With The Royals?
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Just when you think our government can’t get any crazier, the British come along and say “hold my pint of Boddington’s!”. As American looking to engage in a bit of schadenfreude, you can’t help but marvel at the mystical clusterfuck that is the Royal Family. Mystical Clusterfuck, by the way, just got added to Coachella night #2. Anyway, the last time we explored what the Windsors were up to was in our Big British Edition (see Idiots #5-23. The other baffling thing is that here in America, we laugh and mock the supermarket tabloids mercilessly, because they’re full of ridiculously stupid shit. In England? They have so much power that they control the narrative. And they control the narrative so much that they’re actually manipulating the Royals. Which is why Harry and Meghan just said “fuck it”. And you know what Harry? We don’t blame you one bit.

There is no application form for the Royal Family. No interview, no appeal, few in the way of entrances or exits. It is that strange lottery, an accident of birth.

But to stay royal you have to do two things. Serve, and survive.

You have to do some service. Some of it ceremonial, and often dull. Some of it - if it involves celebrities or travel - less dull. A lot of it is woven into the civic life of the UK - openings, namings, lunches and dinners.

You have to survive. You have to aid - and certainly not threaten - the survival of the House of Windsor and the British monarchy.

It's not a bad life. It is a constrained life, often unchosen. In exchange for a pretty comfortable standard of living in perpetuity, you lose a lot of choice.

But you must do these two things if you want to remain a royal.

Damn they have some wacky traditions don’t they? And the weird thing about this story is that the level of bullying from the supermarket tabloids against Meghan and Harry varies depending on who is doing the reporting. But this is never OK under any circumstances and we know how this ends unfortunately, so there is that.

The royal summit over the future roles of Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan of Sussex concluded Monday with an endorsement from Queen Elizabeth II herself about what her grandson seeks to do, and a promise that "final decisions" will be reached in coming days.

Shortly after 5 p.m. local time, Buckingham Palace released a statement from the queen in which she described the discussions on the future of "my grandson and his family" as "constructive."

"My family and I are entirely supportive of Harry and Meghan’s desire to create a new life as a young family," the statement said. "Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working Members of the Royal Family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family."

She said Harry and Meghan made it clear they don't want to rely any longer on public funds in their new lives.

"It has therefore been agreed that there will be a period of transition in which the Sussexes will spend time in Canada and the U.K," the statement said. "These are complex matters for my family to resolve, and there is some more work to be done, but I have asked for final decisions to be reached in the coming days."

And seriously, wrong wedding by the way. If our British friends happen to be watching, keep in mind that the people responsible for our GIFs in this segment have been sacked. Although I mean could you imagine working for a company like Paribas or Chase or Deloitte and having Harry Sussex being your cube mate? Wouldn’t that be just such a mind blower? But Mr. and Mrs. Sussex may want to take a step back before figuring out their tax situation. See in the UK they take taxes a lot more seriously than we do in the US.

This could have all been a lot simpler. In 1810, a constitutional amendment, called the Titles of Nobility Amendment, was sent to the states to be ratified. If passed, it would have forced any US citizen who accepted a title of nobility (or a gift without the consent of congress) from a foreign power to forfeit their citizenship.

In other words, Meghan Markle would have ceased being a US citizen the moment she became a Duchess; baby Archie, in turn, wouldn't inherit a US passport either. But it was never ratified, leaving Meghan, Archie, and (by association) Prince Harry to navigate to two very complicated sets of tax and immigration law.

Their situation just a few days ago was complex enough, but it seemed at least like there were clear answers. Now that Meghan and Harry intend to retreat from their royal roles, attain "financial independence," and live part-time in North America, Meghan and Archie's tax and citizenship plans are a little up in the air.

Here, (based on the limited information available about the royal couple's plans) is what we know about how this change will affect Meghan's pursuit of UK citizenship, and the whole Sussex family's taxes.

Still not the Royal Family but that will do. But things are getting serious with the Royals and this Megexit strategy. Is it Megexit? Or is it Megharexit? Let’s go with Megexit. But just like the actual Brexit, things are getting serious in Merry Ol’ England. So serious that even Parliament is having a say into why this Meghan and Harry thing needs to be resolved and resolved quickly. But yeah we’re not hearing the end of this anytime soon and we will keep you informed!

The U.K. should hold a referendum on the future of its royal family, a lawmaker vying for the leadership of the opposition Labour party said Friday.

Clive Lewis, a candidate standing to replace Jeremy Corbyn at the helm of the country’s main opponents to Boris Johnson’s Conservatives, made the suggestion at his campaign launch in London.

Discussing Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s unprecedented decision to step back from their roles as senior royals, Lewis said the couple were perhaps “setting out a model for how the monarchy could be in the future.”

“A lot of people would like to see the monarchy scaled down,” he told reporters. “There’s been lots of discussion about the fact that the monarchy is quite large and there are a lot of people being paid by the public purse.”

Noting that he had been an advocate of a second referendum on the U.K.’s EU membership, Lewis suggested Brits should be consulted on whether to keep the royal institution in place.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And I love these stories because we could do 100 of them every single week and they would be all different, and they would be all crazy. So who is dumb this week? Well I want to start with this story out of Bridgeport, Pennsylvania where a guy stole a whole bunch of merchandise from a CVS and then came up with an absolutely bonkers excuse for the police as to why he had all the stolen goods in his pants. But at least he saved a few thousand trees for printing one CVS receipt. Hey, they are that long. Yes, that’s what she said. But let’s hear the guy’s excuse.

Bridgeville, PA, police officers were called a local pharmacy the day after Christmas for a “shoplifting in progress call.” The suspect was quickly taken into custody and found to have $100 worth of stolen merchandise. Many of the items were removed from their original packaging, and the security label on one of the items was destroyed.

Police say the suspect first told them that they had actually intended to pay for the items before leaving. However, the suspect did not have any money, credit or debit cards. Officers say the suspect then told them that a brother was coming to pay for the items.

In the meantime, police say they also found “a few unknown pills in their front pocket, a glassine baggie containing suspicious white powder in the other pocket and suspected heroin in another pocket.” When questioned about it, police say the suspect told them, “These aren’t my pants.”

Officers then asked who the pants actually belonged to. When the suspect told them they were “my cousin’s pants,” they asked for that person’s name. The suspect responded, “I don’t know. The person is not really my cousin, more of a friend that’s like a cousin.”

The police department says: “If you wake up today with the intention of wearing someone else’s pants, whether or not you intend on being involved in skulduggery, please check your pockets first.”


I’m going to start using that excuse. “Hey these aren’t my pants!!”. Next up – we are going to Amish country in Michigan. Yes, even the Amish are not immune from stupidity. And we’ve had so many different types of DUIs featured in “People Are Dumb”. We’ve had DUI on a lawnmower, we’ve had DUI on bicycles. We’ve had DUIs on horses, and now we have DUI on a horse-driven carriage. And surprisingly it’s more common than you might thing.

GLADWIN COUNTY, Mich. (WPBN/WGTU) -- Four subjects were arrested after Gladwin County deputies found them tossing beer cans out of a horse and buggy while riding in Beaverton Township.

Deputies said they encountered the group in the area of Beaverton Road and Bard Road around 4 p.m. on Sunday.

The four subjects originally gave false information for their ages, deputies said and refused to give their names.

Upon further investigation, several open and unopened containers of alcohol were located in the buggy, deputies said, and all four subjects were under the influence of alcohol.

The sheriff's office identified the four as Levei Mast, 20, Andrew Zook, 19, Joseph Miller, 20, and Joseph Troyer, 19, all from Gladwin County.

Yes they are! Next up – I think this might be the all drunk edition of People Are Dumb because we’re going to Oklahoma for this next story. But here’s what I want to know – how do you drive a pickup truck with a sleeping passenger and a goat across state lines without the goat making some noise? Goats are assholes when it comes to that sort of thing and they don’t like to be disturbed. So this story raises a whole bunch of questions!

A man stole a pickup truck with a sleeping passenger and a goat inside it and drove it all the way from Missouri to Oklahoma before releasing the terrified victim and animal and eventually being arrested, authorities say.

According to an arrest report, two men in the truck parked outside of an adult video store in Carthage, Missouri, early Wednesday. The driver went inside the store and the passenger fell asleep. When the passenger awoke, a masked man was driving the truck and pointing a gun at his head, Tulsa TV station KOTV reported.

The carjacking suspect, 40-year-old Brandon Kirby, drove from Missouri through Kansas. During the 130-mile ordeal, Kirby took methamphetamine, pistol-whipped the victim and continually threatened him, according to the arrest report. He was eventually arrested in Sand Springs, Oklahoma, after he let the passenger and the goat out of the truck and the victim called 911, the Oklahoma Highway Patrol said.

The Sand Springs Police Department said on Facebook: “OK 2020, it only took you 4.5 hours to get weird. Let's slow down on the carjacking-goatnapping calls for the remainder of the year.”


Yeah that was a goat! Next up of course we can’t get out of here without mentioning America’s most penis-shaped state, the great state of Florida, because Florida never ceases to bring the crazy week after week after week. And this story involves a man and a dog. Except the dog in question happened to be a police dog, and the guy in question happened to be naked and high on meth. Or as they call it in Northern Florida, Tuesday.

Locals called 911 after spotting Watts roaming around with a flashlight, according to Action News Jackson. When police arrived, they found Watts in a ditch making bird noises.

Upon spotting the deputies, Watts flew the coop and sought shelter under a mobile home. After police convinced him to come out of hiding, Watts’ reportedly struck one of the officers repeatedly. Cops brought in Casper after their attempts to subdue the alleged perp with stun guns proved ineffective. More than a half-dozen officers were called to the scene.

Watts’ was taken to an area hospital for a check-up after losing the dogfight, then brought to a county jail.

He’s accused of resisting arrest, battery on a law enforcement officer and aggravated battery on a service dog.

Yeah you don’t provoke a police dog under any circumstances. Finally for this week – we go to Louisiana, yes, Looooooooooooooosiana has their fair share of stupid people. Not all of them who live in the Gulf Coast live in Florida. But this might be one of the stupidest drug users that we’ve ever seen here. If the cops pull you over, maybe don’t hide your stash in such an obvious place!

A Louisiana woman is behind bars on a felony drug possession charge after police discovered her methamphetamine stash in a small plastic container that was helpfully labeled “Dope.”

Cops responded Saturday night to a West Monroe residence after an unidentified complainant reported finding “suspected narcotics” inside the apartment, which is home to Candyce Neel, 41.

According to a probable cause affidavit, through “further investigation,” an officer found the “Dope” container with “suspected methamphetamine inside.”

Neel, cops say, left the apartment “prior to deputies speaking with her.” However, she was later arrested after being found hiding behind the residence. After being read her rights, Neel reportedly “admitted ownership of the suspected narcotics.”

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep.
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide “Keeping Up With The Candidates”! We’re going to keep this up all the way through the election, save for when we start Stupidest State in March. But our voters’ guide is designed to keep all of our information about the 2020 election in one place – whether it’s the candidates or the issues, you can find it here! Last week, we talked about the dropouts and we would discuss the end of Cory Booker’s campaign, but instead we’re going to talk this week about one of the unsung heroes of the 2020 campaign and that is businessman Andrew Yang. But his followers, on the other hand, are almost kind of like a cult. So what are they after? What do they want? We will examine these things.

Andrew Yang wants to be taken seriously. The problem is he can’t resist the zaniness that got him attention in the first place.

Zigzagging across Iowa with a ragtag group of aides and “Yang Gang” die-hards, it’d be easy to forget you were watching not just a candidate for president — but one who beat out sitting U.S. senators and governors to become one of seven contenders gracing the debate stage Thursday.

At campaign events, the man who has focused attention on the dangers of computer automation emerges to the ‘90s R&B classic “Return of the Mack.” He plays Super Mario Bros. in the back of his campaign bus and has never met a dad joke he couldn’t tell.

It’s the central tension of Yang’s long-shot campaign. He’s the dude who hypes up crowds at his own events, slapping the hands of people in the front row like he’s the lead singer at a rock concert. And he is the candidate whose performance has defied every expectation — and just wants the media to show him some respect.

Well, easy answer to that question is a resounding “NO!”. I mean come on we’re a mere 3 fucking weeks away from Iowa and we have to unseat Trump, and everything is an absolute mess right now. That said, we need a front runner. While Cory Booker ended his campaign, Trump is attacking anyone and everyone who dares to question him. But the “Yang Gang” as they’re called, are ready to fight back! I mean they are hopping mad.

When Andrew Yang asked Washington politicians about the job-killing impact of the “Fourth Industrial Revolution,” they told him nothing would happen in Washington unless he created a wave of popular support they couldn’t ignore.

“You may not know it, but you are that wave,” Yang told about 100 people Monday afternoon at The Jitney, a Monticello wine bar. “You have to help us rewrite the rules of the 21st century to work for you, your families, your town, your community.

“This is our chance to retake our government,” he said.

Most Americans think their government is controlled by millions of dollars from corporate lobbyists, “and they are generally correct,” Yang said.

“You are the only people in the country who can do something about it” by participating in Iowa’s first-in-the-nation caucuses Feb. 3, Yang said.

Yang had his fans, but several audience members came out of curiosity about the former tech entrepreneur and his plans, especially his “trickle-up” economic plan that would have the federal government pay every adult $1,000 a month.

Well let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that. But that’s why Andrew Yang is so popular! His fans want to get paid! And seriously who doesn’t with skyrocketing rent and student loans? We need some dolla dolla bills y’all!!! But there is some good news – as the Yang Gang is getting hot at the right time, they have picked up a celebrity endorsement! And that is from our good friend Childish Gambino!

The "Yang Gang" came out in force on Thursday to get a glimpse of the multihyphenate Glover endorsing the presidential candidate at a pop-up event on Fairfax Avenue in Los Angeles, where signed hoodies and caps were available for purchase.

By midday Thursday, the line at the corner of Fairfax and Rosewood avenues had swelled to hundreds of people and wrapped itself around several city blocks. The queue had formed at around 6 a.m., which by Fairfax’s standards — home to Los Angeles' streetwear mecca Supreme and rapper Tyler the Creator’s Golf Wang — isn’t terribly impressive. But unlike normal events in L.A.’s hippest retail district, there were no Yeezys at stake. This crowd was here to get a glimpse of the newest, and one of the cleverest, political pairings of the democratic presidential primary so far: Donald Glover and Andrew Yang.

"I’ve been a fan of Donald’s for a very long time," Yang told a press gaggle inside a shop on Fairfax where signed hoodies and hats were on sale with all proceeds going to Yang’s campaign.

Less than 24 hours earlier, the multihyphenate Glover (who performs music under the stage name Childish Gambino) had announced to his 3.7 million Instagram followers that he would be participating in a pop-up event to raise money for Yang just hours before the candidate was set to participate at the sixth Democratic presidential debate at Loyola Marymount University. For the "Yang Gang," as his most devoted followers are known, Glover endorsing Yang was somewhat akin to Oprah backing Barack Obama in 2008.

See that kids? You want to hang with the cool people, vote Dem. You want to hang with white supremacists, sexless losers, doomsday preppers, and angry assholes, vote Trump. So Donald Glover is down with the Yang Gang but his list of celebrity endorsements doesn’t stop there. Trump picks up who? Kid Rock? Ted Nugent? Bill O’Reilly? On the other hand Dem candidates like Andrew Yang can pick up endorsements like these.

Politics may be show business for ugly people, but that only means politicians crave the approval of the Hollywood hoi polloi. As we career towards the Iowa primary next month, the Democratic candidate with the most lucrative celebrity endorsers may surprise you.

Andrew Yang seems to relish his dark-horse status in the race. Yet despite his outrageously limited speaking time in the debates and repeated omissions in MSNBC graphics, the entrepreneur has managed to secure support from some of the hippest sections of public life.

Don’t believe Cockburn? The Yang Gang now includes polymath Donald Glover (aka Childish Gambino), Guardians of the Galaxy director and cancelation survivor James Gunn, tech guru and suspected blood mage Elon Musk, fellow wizard Penn Jillette and wrestling champion Chris Jericho.

Yang has also leaned heavily on his Asian background (Math hats?) to stand out from the crowded Democratic field. It’s no surprise therefore that he’s bagged the endorsements of The Hangover and Community star Ken Jeong, future Marvel superhero Simu Liu and The Walking Dead‘s Steven Yeun.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Next week we’re one week away from the Iowa Straw Poll and we’ll offer our big preview and what you can expect. The road to the DNC 2020 continues!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Foals[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my next guest is an awesome British band, they have a great new double album out called “Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost”, playing their song “Exits”, give it up for Foals!

Thank you U-Mass! We had an awesome time! We are off to Georgetown in fabulous Washington DC next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: U-Mass Choir Club, Amherst, MA
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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