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Wed Dec 18, 2019, 06:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7-23: 2019 Year In Review Edition (Season Finale!!!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7-23: 2019 Year In Review Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up UCLA? Has Trump been impeached yet? Well we're waiting! How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Well here we are, we are at the end everybody! It’s been a hell of a season touring universities all over the country. And we’re going back for round 2 next year leading up to our 3rd annual Stupidest State contest! Do we have time for the thing? OK so back when we started the Top 10, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens was just about to hit the theaters, and the hype-o-meter was off the charts. Well, this week, the conclusion of that arc of the saga, Star Wars Episode XI: The Rise Of Skywalker, is about to hit theaters. And Burger King, has come up with one of the most bizarre promotions I’ve ever heard of. Would you allow the movie to be spoiled for you for a free sandwich? I mean better yet how much is a spoiler worth to you? Because if I’m letting one of the most anticipated movies of the year be spoiled for me, it’d better be a hell of a lot more than just a damn sandwich! In fact, actual Star Wars fans weren’t having any of it. So apparently people love their science fiction franchises way more than they love their fast food franchises. Go home Burger King, you’re drunk. OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first I have to play Saturday Night Live’s brilliant opener from last week about what happens when things get way too heated at the holiday dinner table:

Happy end of 2019 everybody!!! We survived a 3rd year under president Donald J. Trump! So with that in mind we are doing our 3rd ever Year In Review edition! In the first slot this week is the first two months of the year – January and February (1) when Trump and the entire world was obsessed with the ending of the hit HBO show Game Of Thrones, and Trump thought he was the one who was going to ascend to the Iron Throne because, reasons. In the second slot is the second two months of the year – March and April (2) where there were scandals a plenty which included Patriots owner Robert Kraft getting arrested in a sex sting operation and Paul Manafort being convicted of some pretty serious crimes. Taking the third slot this week is a head first dive into summer with May & June (3) which saw conservatives taking their war on “shadow banning” to new extremes by grilling the head honchos of social media companies on Capitol Hill about anti-conservative bias. In the fourth slot is the meat of summer – July and August (4) – which saw the case against billionaire child molester and human sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstiein come to a head, and the degree of which he was murdered / suicided varies on which media outlet your drug of choice is. In the fifth slot this week is fall – September and October (5) which includes such idiocy as Trump’s Halloween fail, his war on vaping, a whole metric fuck ton of mass shootings, and the Straight Pride Parade in Boston was a colossal fail. Rounding out the year is the winter months – November and December (6) of course, while everyone is figuring out which car commercial is the least annoying, Trump is getting impeached, and the impeachment trial is proving to be the colossal disaster that we all know it was going to be. Now that that’s out of the way, since we like to get you in the holiday spirit, in the number 7 slot, everyone looks forward to Santa’s visit every year, except New York City, which is the home of Santacon (7), and we’re going to ask “SantaCon: How Is This Still A Thing?”. In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and sigh, another round of the circular firing squad that is the militant religious group known as “One Million Moms” and the back and forth between them and the Hallmark Channel is the stuff of pure insanity, and our resident pastor has some thoughts on that! At the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is People Are Dumb, and we’re going to go through and post some of our favorite People Are Dumb stories throughout the year that was 2019. Finally this week, our 2020 voters’ guide, Keeping Up With The Candidates is going to talk 2020 predictions! Yeah it’s earl but you can never be too early! And the palate cleanser for putting up with my bullshit, we have a surprise guest. Oh who am I kidding? It’s the legendary Vampire Weekend! Really buy their new album “Father Of The Bride” or you are no friend of this program. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]January – February: Game Of Groans
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This is always one of the hardest Top 10s of the year to do because the question is how do you cram an entire year’s worth of idiocy into six short entries? Where do you start? Well we have to start at the beginning of the year of course. The Dems have just come off the high of retaking the house out from underneath this corrupt administration. And of course, Dear Leader wasn’t having any of it. For someone who doesn’t quite get pop culture references, for him to see himself as the champion of some bizarre Game Of Thrones contest that no one else was playing was simply stunning.

When President Trump tweeted out a meme of his envisioned steel-slat wall with the words, “THE WALL IS COMING” over the weekend, many fans of “Game of Thrones” accused the president of never actually watching the hit HBO series.

In the series, the enormous wall of ice protecting the Seven Kingdoms from encroaching wildlings is — spoiler alert — eventually destroyed, which is presumably not the end result Trump envisions along the southern border. But Trump’s allusion to the “Game of Thrones” wall is all the more curious for another reason.

The fictional “Game of Thrones” barrier is actually based on a real wall. In fact, it’s one of the most famous walls in ancient Western civilization — one that may hold a lesson for Trump. A massive wall, said historian David Frye, is nothing without an equally massive investment in upkeep and patrol. That fact is evident in the true story of Hadrian’s Wall, the inspiration behind the fictional frozen wall in “Game of Thrones.”

George R.R. Martin, the author of the book series, “A Song of Ice and Fire,” that inspired “Game of Thrones,” has previously revealed that he was standing atop Hadrian’s Wall in 1981, imagining himself as a second-century Roman soldier, when he had the idea for his wall.

I think that’s how Trump actually envisions himself. For someone who doesn’t read and doesn’t get pop culture references (he recently failed by comparing himself to Thanos), Game Of Thrones is way too advanced for him! He should start with something easy like the Diary Of A Wimpy Kid series and work his way up! And then the government shut down happened in January and the entire world saw how he greets champion athletes visiting the White House. Remember when that was an honor? Well, he reduced the White House dinner to going to the drive through, because that’s what Trump does. And that’s what he did when the world champion Clemson Tigers visited the White House. Literally everything he touches turns to shit!

The Clemson football team’s visit to the White House on Monday night is going to be a greasy one.

The Tigers were invited by President Donald Trump to celebrate their national championship victory over Alabama and, according to Trump, the menu is going to be all fast food.

“I think we’re going to serve McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King’s [sic], with some pizza,” Trump said. “I really mean it. It’ll be interesting. I think that would be their favorite food, so we’ll see what happens.”

It sounds like Clemson will be getting the authentic White House experience, enjoying some of the president’s favorite foods. In a book about the 2016 campaign, two top Trump aides wrote that the “four major food groups” on Trump’s plane were “McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza and Diet Coke.”

The menu probably isn’t a hit with Clemson Director of Football Nutrition Paul Harrington, though. We’ve emailed Harrington for his thoughts and will update this post if he gets back to us.


Seriously forget House Of Cards, this is a House Of Carbs! Then we go to February where it’s Valentines Day and we’re coming off the 1 year anniversary of the Parkland Massacre. But that was completely overshadowed because we were introduced to Nicholas Sandmann and the ultra right wing Covington Catholic high school in Covington, Kentucky. Who were just coming off the March For Women wearing MAGA hats (natch) and then stared down Native American war veterans at the Indigenous People’s March, and the resulting shit show was quite spectacular.

A crowd of students surrounds the Native American man, laughing and filming on cell phones. One boy, wearing a red Make America Great Again hat, stands just inches away from the man's drum, staring at him with a wide smile.

Nathan Phillips, an Omaha elder participating in the Indigenous Peoples March, keeps drumming and singing.

The jeers of the students – and Phillips' stoic response – were captured in a video that has sparked widespread criticism and drawn an apology from a Kentucky prep school and diocese.

The students and Phillips had both converged in Washington, D.C., last Friday. The students, a group of boys from Covington Catholic High School in Kentucky, were there to attend the March for Life. Phillips had come for the first-ever Indigenous Peoples March, on the same day.

Videos show a number of young men and women, predominantly white, jumping, cheering and chanting, in a dense circle around Phillips. Many are wearing Trump paraphernalia, and some are wearing clothing associated with the Covington high school.

Yes, that escalated very quickly. And of course since Trump attracts the assholes, he invited Sandmann and his crew to the White House, and then Sandmann attempted to sue the Washington Post and New York Times for an ungodly sum of money, and that suit will most likely never pass muster. Then one of our favorite controversies, the Blackface controversy, ensued once again in Virginia when some old pictures recently started surfacing of Gov. Ralph Northram.

Controversy swirled over the weekend after a racist photo in Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam's medical school yearbook surfaced.

The photo, which pictured a person in blackface and a person dressed in a Ku Klux Klan robe, was featured on Northam's page in a 1984 yearbook. Northam, a Democrat, initially apologized for being in the photo, then later said he did not believe he was pictured.

Despite calls for his resignation from several members of his own party, the Democrat is standing his ground and has refused to leave office.

Here's a breakdown of how we got here:

The photograph was first discovered Friday afternoon by the conservative news outlet Big League Politics. It was one of several published on Northam's medical school yearbook page from Eastern Virginia Medical School from 1984, the year he graduated. The school confirmed the photo's authenticity and provided a copy of the page to USA TODAY.

That’s it for January and February, which brings us to…

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[font size="8"]March – April: Scandals And Animals
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Remember the Q Anon conspiracy theory? You know the one where it said that Trump was going to have “mass arrests” and “military tribunals” aimed at taking down the country’s elite for acts of sexual perversion? Well, the spring season started off with the owner of the Patriots, Robert Kraft, along with a metric fuck ton of celebrities and professionals getting busted for having connections to the alleged Miami Madam that has been a staple of the country’s elite. Well it turns out the table might be on the other foot, as Kraft got taken down with a whole bunch of other celebrities and billionaires, which may or may not include billionaire who lives on a secluded pedo island, Jeffrey Epstein. Well, let the conspiracy theories start flying!

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft is facing charges of misdemeanor solicitation of prostitution after he was twice videotaped paying for a sex act at an illicit massage parlor, police in Florida said Friday.

The 77-year-old Kraft was one of 25 people involved in the alleged solicitation at the Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Florida.

Michael Edmondson, spokesman for the state attorney's office in Palm Beach County, told ESPN that the nature of any charges that the 25 people face will not be released until next week.

The potential charges come amid a widespread crackdown on sex trafficking in Florida from Palm Beach to Orlando. Hundreds of arrest warrants have been issued in recent days as result of a six-month investigation, and more are expected. Ten spas have been closed, and several people charged with sex trafficking have been taken into custody.

Uh… except that there is everything wrong with that! And speaking of controversies coming back to bite us, Michael Jackson, outside of his singing career, has never been in the news for any particularly good reason, and even 10 years after his death, stories continue to linger over what really happened at Michael Jackson's Hollywood home known as "Neverland Ranch". Especially when the documentary “Leaving Neverland” shed some light on what really happened when kids were invited to stay over at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch:

As the release of a new documentary detailing abuse accusations against the singer Michael Jackson has prompted debate about his legacy, the public response to its contents is also leading radio stations across the globe to stop playing his music.

A radio network in Quebec pulled Jackson’s music from its nearly two dozen stations, according to The Canadian Press. In Britain, Variety reported that the BBC was forced to deny imposing such a ban after it was reported that the singer’s music had been “quietly dropped” from one of its stations.

And the backlash has led to an almost complete removal of the singer’s music from the airwaves in New Zealand, after the two largest radio networks — which own most of the country’s commercial stations — said Wednesday that they would no longer play Jackson’s songs.

In the New Zealand and Canadian cases, radio networks cited a change in public opinion about Jackson that was tied to the documentary “Leaving Neverland,” a two-part mini-series focusing on the accusations of two men who say Jackson abused them as children, as the reason for the ban. The program is scheduled for broadcast in New Zealand on Sunday and Monday.

The sad thing is that death was probably a good career move for Mr. Jackson. Then, as if the arrest of Robert Kraft wasn’t troubling enough, Trump’s senior campaign manager Paul Manafort went down in a shocking blaze of 16 crimes being committed. You commit 16 crimes, whaddya get? Another day in prison and deeper in debt. Yeah that joke didn’t work the first time, but the subpoenas are still there!

Paul J. Manafort, President Trump’s former campaign chairman, has been charged in New York with mortgage fraud and more than a dozen other state felonies, the Manhattan district attorney, Cyrus R. Vance, Jr., said Wednesday, an effort to ensure he will still face prison time if Mr. Trump pardons him for his federal crimes.

News of the indictment came shortly after Mr. Manafort was sentenced to his second federal prison term in two weeks; he now faces a combined sentence of more than seven years for tax and bank fraud and conspiracy in two related cases brought by the special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III.

The president has broad power to issue pardons for federal crimes, but has no such authority in state cases.

While Mr. Trump has not said he intends to pardon his former campaign chairman, he has often spoken of his power to pardon and has defended Mr. Manafort on a number of occasions, calling him a “brave man.”

Later on Wednesday, the president said, “I feel very badly for Paul Manafort,” and that he had “not thought about” a pardon for him.

The new state charges against Mr. Manafort are contained in a 16-count indictment that alleges a yearlong scheme in which he falsified business records to obtain millions of dollars in loans, Mr. Vance said in a news release after the federal sentencing.

Now this brings us to April where Trump was coming off the high of the Mueller Report being completely redacted and lots of blacked out tape polluting what was actually said in the report, so we may never know what really happened. And how do you celebrate if you’re Donald J. Trump? Well, you celebrate by going to Scotland where you make some shockingly stupid statements about wind power.

Unlike President Trump’s inability to pronounce the word “origins,” his recurring anti-wind bloviating isn’t a sign of mental decline. Sure, it is stupid and wrong to say the sound of wind causes cancer (just who is the “alarmist” by the way?) or reduces real estate values (it doesn’t.) But it’s also dangerous. This and other anti-science campaigns like the ones against vaccinations and evolution are not just silly ignorance. They’re weaponized stupidity.

Trump’s tirades aren’t reflective of any deeply held belief or well-informed opinion, but instead appear to be informed by, and in service of, Big Oil’s anti-wind propaganda. For decades fossil fuel companies have attacked clean and renewable competition, from working to block local wind power installations to fighting state policies promoting wind. Key to that effort is spreading myths about wind power’s potential as well as its progress, which our Fox News President predictably regurgitates.

For example, take Trump’s bizarre recurring joke were he pretends to be someone who watches a lot of television (ok—no need to suspend disbelief on that part,) but has to turn it off when the wind isn’t blowing. Trump’s own Department of Energy debunks that ridiculous reliability argument (hi, batteries!) along with other energy myths. Wind power kills less birds than other forms of energy, it poses no human health threat, and it is increasingly more competitive than fossil fuels.

The sad irony of Trump’s weaponized stupidity is that it hurts the rural communities and red states who are benefiting “bigly” from wind power. For example, on November 9, 2016, the very day Trump was elected President, the Omaha World-Herald published a story about how “wind has saved family farms across a wide swath of the heartland.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Come on, put a warning on that thing! If that’s what passes for your hair, no wonder you make those claims about wind power. But at the end of April something really sad happened when we nearly lost the ancient French landmark of the Notre Dame cathedral. But Trump was celebrating Easter in the most Donald J. Trump way possible. Let’s roll the tape on that:


At that point you almost have to feel sorry for the Easter Bunny, though we probably all know that it was Rudy Giuliani underneath that weird rabbit mask. That’s it for March and April, and the winter and spring season. Now we dive head first into the summer season with…

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[font size="8"]May & June: Conservatives’ War On Social Media
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You know Mark Zuckerberg is a James Bond villain. In fact the scenario that’s playing around the globe right now with the rise in hate and white supremacy and people preferring dictators over freedom, is pretty much the plot of the movie Tomorrow Never Dies. In that movie, Elliot Carver is a media tycoon who is using a nuclear stealth boat to manipulate the headlines to pit two superpowers together with the intent of starting World War III. Sounds plausible right? Well Mark Zuckerberg is nowhere near as charismatic as Elliot Carver was. So thanks to conspiracy theories, conservatives really have it in for social media outlets over “shadow banning” which as we’ve explained many times on this program, is not a thing. Instead… they’re just being hateful dicks. And they still can’t see it even after grilling the head honcho himself. At this point, you almost have to feel sorry for Mark Zuckerberg… but eh, why waste the time and effort?

Facebook banned several prominent accounts promoting white nationalism on the platform on Thursday.

Accounts barred from Facebook, as well as its subsidiary Instagram, as part of the new enforcement include the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, the far-right troll Milo Yiannopoulos and the anti-Muslim figurehead Laura Loomer. Jones was previously banned from Facebook but still had an account on Instagram, which was no longer live as of Thursday.

“We’ve always banned individuals or organizations that promote or engage in violence and hate, regardless of ideology,” a Facebook spokesperson said. “The process for evaluating potential violators is extensive and it is what led us to our decision to remove these accounts today.”

Facebook banned several prominent accounts promoting white nationalism on the platform on Thursday.

Accounts barred from Facebook, as well as its subsidiary Instagram, as part of the new enforcement include the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, the far-right troll Milo Yiannopoulos and the anti-Muslim figurehead Laura Loomer. Jones was previously banned from Facebook but still had an account on Instagram, which was no longer live as of Thursday.

“We’ve always banned individuals or organizations that promote or engage in violence and hate, regardless of ideology,” a Facebook spokesperson said. “The process for evaluating potential violators is extensive and it is what led us to our decision to remove these accounts today.”

I’m pretty sure that’s a live look in at what Trump is really thinking. I mean two of his biggest minions got banned from nearly all social media platforms, because, well, they’re colossal dicks. But then one of the biggest bombshells of the administration to date – Trump’s ass is flat broke! Yet, he acts like a billionaire, just like George Bluth acts like a billionaire.

U.S. President Donald Trump’s businesses lost a total of more than $1 billion from 1985 to 1994, according to the New York Times, which said it obtained printouts from Trump’s official Internal Revenue Service tax transcripts.

The newspaper said Trump posted losses in excess of $250 million in both 1990 and 1991, which appeared to be more than double any other individual U.S. taxpayer in an annual IRS sampling of high-income earners.

Trump lost so much money that he was able to avoid paying income taxes for eight of the 10 years, the Times said.

Over the 10 years, Trump’s core businesses, including casinos, hotels and apartment buildings, lost $1.17 billion, according to the newspaper.

The Times quoted a lawyer for the president, Charles Harder, as saying the tax information was “highly inaccurate.”

Trump, a real estate magnate who turned over the running of his businesses to his sons after his election in 2016, touted his business acumen and negotiating skills on the campaign trail

Yes, I don’t care either. And then this might be one of my favorite stories of the year, and we did an entire Top 10 Investigates on it (see: Top 10 #6-18 ). Why are anti vaccination crusaders hanging on to an old episode of the Brady Bunch to describe their feelings toward measles? Oh measles are harmless – it’s just a day off school! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… fuck you!

“If you have to get sick,” Marcia Brady bellows. “Sure can’t beat the measles!” Marcia delivered the line in an episode of The Brady Bunch that aired in 1969. Fifty years later, it's echoing through Facebook antivaxxer communities.

If you ignore the sitcom context, it does sound like a peppy mid-century advertising slogan for the disease, the sort of thing a feverish Don Draper might have come up with after his eighth Old Fashioned. So, naturally, that’s how antivaxxers are taking it.

Marcia’s pro-measles platform has been a staple of the antivax community for a while now—it’s a popular meme, which means that it’s also T-shirt. Screengrabs of blonde-pigtailed Marcia grinning at the thought of measles are so common in anti-vaccine forums that Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia, got on NPR and asked to be excluded from this narrative. She’s quaintly scandalized that strangers would use her face for their own ends without her permission, without asking her whether she believes in vaccines or not. The antivaxxers do not care.

To them, whether or not Maureen McCormick vaccinated her children, which she did, is irrelevant, as is McCormicks’ discomfort with becoming the face of measles. (“Boo hoo,” read several Facebook comments.) So is the fact that the creator of The Brady Bunch, Sherwood Schwartz, was also a known child vaccinator. Everyone involved can wave their vaccination records all they want and it won’t deter anybody from buying a T-shirt that informs the world that the titular family of a sitcom failed to die of measles on daytime television. This meme is not about Marcia or any of the Brady bunch: It’s about having a slice of 1969.

Well if you gave someone the measles, they probably wouldn’t be your friends either! Well then June comes and republicans go all out on their feelings about abortion, and as you can guess, is one of the driving factors fueling this wretched administration. People like Pat Robertson have some incredibly warped feeling s on the subject.

Televangelist Pat Robertson said he thinks Alabama went "too far" with a controversial abortion bill that could punish doctors who perform abortions with life in prison.

"I think Alabama has gone too far," he said Wednesday during an episode of "The 700 Club." "There's no exception for rape or incest. It's an extreme law and they want to challenge Roe v. Wade."

He continued: "But my humble view is that this is not the case we want to bring to the Supreme Court because I think this one will lose."

The bill, which was signed into law by Gov. Kay Ivey on Wednesday, only allows exceptions "to avoid a serious health risk to the unborn child's mother," for ectopic pregnancy and if the "unborn child has a lethal anomaly."

The law carries stiff penalties for those caught violating it. For example, doctors could face up to 99 years in prison for performing an abortion in the state.

Hey I’m intolerant of your intolerance, sir! Good day! But my favorite thing about the summer was the utter implosion of the lobby fueling conservatives known as the National Rifle Association. Yes, after years and years of mass shootings, NRATV finally closed up shop, and may are citing that Parkland may have been the straw that broke the camels’ back. So I say this with all sincerity – a hearty “womp womp”.

The National Rifle Association shut down production of its online streaming network NRATV amid a shakeup within the gun lobbyist group.

NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre announced the decision to no longer air "live TV" programming through NRATV on the group's website on Wednesday, adding that the decision to return to live programming is a "subject of ongoing analysis."

"Many members expressed concern about the messaging on NRATV becoming too far removed from our core mission: defending the Second Amendment," LaPierre wrote. "So, after careful consideration, I am announcing that starting today we are undergoing a significant change in our communications strategy."

The decision comes after two prominent board members criticized the online media branch's direction in March, The New York Times reported.

That’s it for May and June, now we trod head first into the meat of summer with…

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[font size="8"]July – August: Epstein Gets Suicided
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Summertime, and the livin’s easy. Top 10 is on the microphone to Ras MG. All the people in the dance will agree that we’re well qualified to represent the LBC. G. Me and Louis, we go run to the party, dance to the rhythm, it gets harder… OK I’m no Brad Nowell but that was my Sublime chunk. We are well into the summer and halfway through the year now. Don’t worry, we will get into the Epstein tragedy in a few minutes. But first I want to talk about how Trump don’t know much about anything – biology, history, you name it. Especially history. I don’t want to say that Trump most likely slept through history class, and probably biology class as well. At least that was the case during his July 4th Americagasm Spectacular held at the National Mall

President Donald Trump celebrated "the greatest political journey in human history" Thursday in a Fourth of July commemoration before a soggy, cheering crowd of spectators, many of them invited, on the grounds of the Lincoln Memorial. Supporters welcomed his tribute to the U.S. military while protesters assailed him for putting himself center stage on a holiday devoted to unity.

Trump called on Americans to "stay true to our cause" in a "Salute to America" program that adhered to patriotic themes and hailed an eclectic mix of history's heroes, from the armed forces, space, civil rights and other endeavors of American life.

While the president avoided diversions into his agenda or re-election campaign, his speech, however, contained historical errors. In outlining the history of Independence Day, Trump claimed the Army "took over the airports" during the American Revolution and evoked the battle of Fort McHenry, which occurred decades later during the War of 1812. There was no air travel in America in the 18th century.

"In June of 1775, the Continental Congress created a unified Army out of the Revolutionary Forces encamped around Boston and New York," Trump said. "... Our Army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do, and at Fort McHenry, under the rocket’s red glare it had nothing but victory. And when dawn came, their star-spangled banner waved defiant."

Oh it absolutely was a disaster. But before we get into Jeffrey Epstein, we got to talk about another conservative related tragedy – the Seth Rich conspiracy theory. We found out that the conspiracy peddled by everyone from Alex Jones to Sean Hannity to Rush Limbaugh – that said that DNC staffer Seth Rich was gunned down to cover up evidence of election rigging and profiteering, and it was an intentional hit job – was revealed to be a steaming load of BS. And when Fox News tells you it’s bullshit, it’s bullshit.

In the summer of 2016, Russian intelligence agents secretly planted a fake report claiming that Democratic National Committee staffer Seth Rich was gunned down by a squad of assassins working for Hillary Clinton, giving rise to a notorious conspiracy theory that captivated conservative activists and was later promoted from inside President Trump’s White House, a Yahoo News investigation has found.

Russia’s foreign intelligence service, known as the SVR, first circulated a phony “bulletin” — disguised to read as a real intelligence report —about the alleged murder of the former DNC staffer on July 13, 2016, according to the U.S. federal prosecutor who was in charge of the Rich case. That was just three days after Rich, 27, was killed in what police believed was a botched robbery while walking home to his group house in the Bloomingdale neighborhood of Washington, D.C., about 30 blocks north of the Capitol.

The purported details in the SVR account seemed improbable on their face: that Rich, a data director in the DNC’s voter protection division, was on his way to alert the FBI to corrupt dealings by Clinton when he was slain in the early hours of a Sunday morning by the former secretary of state’s hit squad.

Yet in a graphic example of how fake news infects the internet, those precise details popped up the same day on an obscure website, whatdoesitmean.com, that is a frequent vehicle for Russian propaganda. The website’s article, which attributed its claims to “Russian intelligence,” was the first known instance of Rich’s murder being publicly linked to a political conspiracy.

Damn right, sir!!! Now that we’ve stalled enough, we got to get through the Jeffrey Epstein mess, which is what happened when he got locked up. The mess was so huge that it caused yet another huge resignation in the Trump camp – Alex Acosta. Which probably marks that as the 1,242,563,659,304th resignation from the Trump camp.

President Donald Trump announced Friday that Labor Secretary Alex Acosta has resigned, a move that comes after furor over a plea deal with Jeffrey Epstein.

Acosta has been under renewed scrutiny over his previous role as the US attorney in Miami, during which he negotiated the 2008 plea deal with Epstein. Epstein, a well-connected multi-millionaire, avoided a federal trial at the time and served only 13 months in prison for state prostitution charges over his involvement with underage girls. A Miami Herald investigation published last November described the plea deal, negotiated by Acosta, as the "deal of a lifetime."

Acosta's resignation is effective next Friday. Trump said the labor secretary will be replaced on an acting basis by the current deputy secretary, Pat Pizzella.

Acosta, standing next to Trump outside the White House before the President departed for a trip, said he resigned to remove himself as a distraction.

Good point! Then tragedy struck as Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. Now, here’s where the whole thing goes to shit. Conspiracy theorists on both sides are making the claim that he didn’t kill himself – he was murdered. And the degree of suicided varies on which news outlet is doing the reporting, and who gets the blame depends on what your late night or AM radio talk show of choice is.

News that wealthy financier Jeffrey Epstein was found dead Saturday morning in his jail cell has raised questions of how a high-profile suspect was able to apparently kill himself inside one of the country’s most high-security prisons.

Epstein, who was arrested in July for the alleged sex trafficking of minors, died at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, located in downtown New York City. The FBI and DOJ have launched investigations into Epstein’s death.

With a lack of answers coming from prison officials, conspiracy theories flourished on social media over the weekend with #EpsteinMurder trending worldwide.

Citing ongoing investigations into Epstein’s death, the Bureau of Prisons has been hush about specific details that led to the former financier’s apparent suicide, leaving only a few known facts in a pool of unanswered questions.

What we know about Epstein’s death

The Bureau of Prisons has released only one official statement since Epstein’s death on Saturday. The statement confirmed that around 6:30 am on 10 August, Epstein was found unresponsive in his cell in the Special Housing Unit of the prison “from an apparent suicide”. The Bureau of Prisons has not released any further information .

That is a good point, madame! One thing we don’t have a tolerance for at the Top 10 is bullshit, and there are some serious peddlers of it. Like for instance in Portland, where the famous alt right fight club known as the Proud Boys fight the mysterious, mask wearing protest group known as “Antifa”, even though we have a reason to suspect that Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes controls both groups and pits them against each other in a fight to the death.
The much-anticipated protest in Portland on August 17 that was instigated by the Proud Boys, a national right-wing extremist group, has dissipated with minimal engagement from counter-protesters.

The day's events began around 9:30 am, with a crowd of left-wing counter-protesters congregating at Tom McCall Waterfront Park to make costumes and plan their actions for the day. Some of these anti-fascist (or antifa) protesters arrived dressed in all black. Others dressed in banana costumes or wore unicorn horns.

Shortly after 11 am, a group of Proud Boys and associated right-wing activists marched across the Morrison Bridge from Southeast Portland, arriving in Waterfront Park just north of the bridge. The Portland Police Bureau (PPB) appeared to have anticipated their arrival, having staged lines of armored officers and cement barriers between the Proud Boys and the left-wing groups, who were gathered in the park just south of the Morrison Bridge.

While individual protesters later clashed, the bulk of the two main groups never met. Instead, the PPB allowed the Proud Boys to march east over the Hawthorne Bridge, which until that point had been completely closed to pedestrian and vehicle traffic. By the time antifa protesters—who, unlike the right-wing protesters, were not allowed by the PPB to cross the Hawthorne Bridge—reached the east side of the Willamette River, most of the gathered Proud Boys had boarded several buses and left, heading west over the Morrison Bridge.

Hey! Stop fighting guys!!! And speaking of fighting, before we close this chapter of the year, we have to delve into one of my other favorite stories of the year not involving Trump. It involves the internet sewer message board known as 4chan. A teenage social media influencer known as Bianca Davis was murdered (we delve into this in Idiots #7-4 ). And 4chan went completely off the wall insane posting her dead body all over the internet, possibly committing multiple felonies in the process. Yeah you don’t want to do that, it makes a bad situation that much worse.

A young woman active on social media was brutally murdered, with gruesome photos of her body posted to Instagram and other platforms.

Horrific images of 17-year-old Bianca Devins were posted on Instagram early Sunday, after she went to a concert in Queens with Brandon Andrew Clark.

Clark, 21, reportedly called police on himself, according to Lt. Bryan Coromato. When he was discovered in his car in Utica, Clark reportedly slit his own throat and posted pictures of his bleeding neck on Instagram as well.

Devins, who was a popular "egirl" on Tik Tok, was was found dead outside the SUV. Clark was rushed to the hospital, where he underwent surgery. The two reportedly met online, and had been seeing each other for about two months before the night of the concert, by Canadian musician Nicole Dollenganger.

Bianca's sister, Olivia Devins, later called Clark a "close family friend."

I love that show! That’s it for the summer, now we head straight for fall in…

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[font size="8"]September – October: Vaping Death
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The fall season for idiocy was so insane that I had to name it after a Metallica song because, well, it sounds pretty metal! I mean “Vaping Death” sounds a lot like the Metallica song “Creeping Death” doesn’t it? Well before we get into that, September is of course hurricane season, with Hurricane Dorian raving through the Gulf Coast. But up in the North, there was an insane thing that happened, and we missed a chance to cover it, because our show at Syracuse got cancelled. But that thing is the Straight Pride Parade in Boston, which was needed to be held because, reasons. And of course the usual band of alt right assholes, not only organized it, but showed up at the event and turned it into the shit show we all knew it would devolve into.

A "Straight Pride" parade in downtown Boston attracted counterprotesters -- and a heavy police presence -- resulting in almost three dozen arrests.

A large number of counterprotesters taunted marchers Saturday and chanted "Alt right, get off our streets, no justice, no peace." Counterprotesters outnumbered the parade participants, CNN affiliate WCVB reported. Boston's mayor also condemned the parade, and encouraged residents to attend block parties and other events that celebrated the city.

Thirty-four people were arrested at the parade, said Boston Police Officer James Moccia, a department spokesman. Four officers also suffered non-life threatening injuries, he said.

The parade started around noon at Copley Square and moved down Boylston and Tremont streets, ending at City Hall Plaza.

Floats and signs expressed pro-military and pro-Trump sentiments, such as "Support our troops" and "Build the wall and crime will fall." A man in a jester's hat carried a sign saying "Great to be straight" as he danced down the street.

Seriously, even the Delta House had a better taste in float decoration than the people attending the Straight Pride Parade did. Maybe they could take some decorating tips from the Queer Eye guys? I’m just saying. But while everyone was still reeling from a string of recent mass shootings, Trump had to go and ban vaping because – shocker – people *MIGHT* die from it. Yeah 6 deaths from vaping vs nearly 80,000 this year alone from guns. Which is more important? Well…

A teenager who says vaping gave him lungs “like a 70-year-old” is suing a leading e-cigarettes company.

Adam Hergenreder, an 18-year-old from Illinois, has accused Juul of marketing e-cigarettes to young people with the message that vaping could boost their social status

He underwent hospital treatment at the end of August for nausea and laboured breathing after using e-cigarettes for more than 18 months.

"I'm 18 years old. My lungs are like a 70-year-old's," he told CBS while in hospital. “My lungs will never be the same."

In a statement on Friday, Juul said it had “never marketed to youth” and argued its products were meant to help adult smokers quit traditional cigarettes.

No, don’t smoke to that, it will wreck your lungs! But Vaping Death sounds pretty metal doesn’t it? Then the Trump campaign headed to Michigan where Mike Pence went to a whistle stop in Mackinac Island – a place that famously has not allowed cars since the automobile was invented. And this comes *AFTER* the Trump administration decided that cars “have too much junk on them” (see: Idiots #7-13 ). Cue The Dude – this aggression will not stand, man!

Mackinac Island (pronounced "Mackinaw" ) draws nearly a million visitors each year and is regarded as one of the most precious natural resources in Michigan. Just 450 people live on the small destination, and they get around by bike.

"Bikes are just our way of life," Mary McGuire Slevin, the executive director of the Mackinac Island Tourism Bureau, told the sustainable-business news site TriplePundit. "They are like a part of our bodies, we don't even think about it. When I see a tourist go out for a bike ride around the circumference of the island, you can just tell the difference when they come pedaling back into town — they are more relaxed and have a big smile on their face."

Even Gerald Ford, the only president from Michigan, traveled by horse-drawn carriage when he visited Mackinac in 1975.

So when Pence broke with tradition over the weekend, controversy ensued. Several current and former Michigan residents reached out to Business Insider over email to share their thoughts.

" (This is) a true gem that has been assaulted in plain sight," Skaneateles, New York resident Bitsy Jennings Govern, who grew up in Michigan, told Business Insider.

While that’s going on, we also have to tell the tale of the gruesome murder of Jamal Khashoogi and the ensuring mystery surrounding it. Did the Saudis do the dirty deed or didn’t they? This is a conspiracy that goes far deeper than the Jeffrey Epstein murder, and it turns out that the Dear Leader whose name dare not be questioned, Donald J. Trump, may have had a hand in both. Jeffrey Epstein had connections to Trump and Clinton, but Khashoogi was getting to close to the real truth about the brutal Saudi regime.

For Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, whose henchmen killed and dismembered Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi in a Saudi consulate, life goes on much as before. In the spring, after the CIA detected new threats against Khashoggi’s associates, warnings went out to Canada, Norway and Washington, D.C. In November, the FBI arrested two former employees of Twitter, the platform often described as Saudi Arabia’s closest thing to a public square. Both were charged with passing on information about dissidents to bin Salman’s government.

By then, the crown prince had gone back to doing interviews with foreign press. Thirteen months and one day after Khashoggi’s murder, he presided over an IPO that valued the Saudi national oil company at $1.7 trillion, a world record. And in early December, the kingdom convened the Saudi Media Forum, to examine, according to its website, “challenges” facing the news media, “the formation of public opinion in the new environment of communication and etc.”

And speaking of bad people, one of my favorite movies of the year was the Joker, starring Joaquin Phoenix about the origin and rise of the famous Batman villain. And we can’t get out of here without examining the controversy surrounding the movie and whether or not history would repeat itself with a midnight mass shooting (and we covered this controversy in Idiots #7-14 ) , a la The Dark Knight Rises. So what could possibly await people seeing the Joker? Well, they could, but really didn’t.

Amid concerns about potential violent situations, the opening weekend of Warner Bros’ controversial Joker in New York City will see an increased police presence both in and out of uniform.

Earlier this week, the NYPD’s Chief of Patrol Rodney Harrison told officers that the department plans to visibly station cops at theaters showing the Joaquin Phoenix-starring film. Now Deadline has learned that a significant undercover detachment will also be deployed to make sure nothing untoward occurs inside cinemas in Manhattan, the Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn and Staten Island.

“This is 360-degree policing approach to ensure safety for ticket buyers in their seats, as well as on the streets,” a law enforcement official said of the strategy to have plain-clothed police in a number of theaters in America’s largest city starting with the October 3 previews and throughout the expected heavily attended weekend. “If something happens inside one of the screenings, we intend to be able to pacify the situation quickly and conclusively,” the well-placed source added, noting that large-scale and security-hefty events go off without a hitch in New York every day.

Still, concerns about threats have bedeviled this latest take on Batman’s arch nemesis since Joker debuted at the Venice Film Festival in late August. Set in a near-collapsing and crime-invested Gotham City of 1981, the Todd Phillips-directed and Golden Lion-winning Joker, which co-stars Robert De Niro, pays distinct homage to Martin Scorsese’s 1976 film Taxi Driver and 1982’s King of Comedy – both of which featured his The Irishman lead De Niro and both of which were stationed in a decaying NYC.

Yes it is! And we’re almost done here! That brings us to the winter season, and we are ending with…

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[font size="8"]November – December: Impeacment Is The Reason For The Season
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Yay, we’re almost done for the year. What? I still have 5 more entries? I just want to get it over with and see Vampire Weekend. Come on, I can see Ezra and the guys warming up backstage! OK fine, let’s power through this thing. So it’s very likely that Donald J. Trump stole the 2016 election and he will attempt again to steal the 2020 election. At the end of October, Nancy Pelosi dropped the big one and said that Trump can and should be impeached. Well, the biggest losers of this whole shindig easily turned out to be Jim Jordan, Steve Scalise, and Matt Gaetz all three of them R-Obviously. And with friends like these – a guy who’s roped in one of the biggest university sex scandals of all time, a gun shot victim turned full gun fetishist, and a guy who’s been convicted of a whopping 7 DUIs, who needs enemies? But the question is how will it end? Will Trump and those who have aided and abetted him finally get their just desserts? Or will Trump be the guy who gets away with it all like in the 90s classic movie LA Confidential? Either way you know they’re planning to blame the “deep state” which as we’ve discussed, is not really a thing.

What do you expect from a guy who's currently suing a Twitter Cow?

But the real piece de resistance came courtesy of Steve Scalise, who brought along a poster to show just how unhappy he is with proceedings.

Exactly how does Steve Scalise think leadership changes occurred in the Soviet Union? Leon Trotsky did not get impeached, though it wouldn't have been the worst thing to get a guy like Stalin out of the driver's seat.

Based on the cutout, it would seem the "Soviet-style" proceedings occurred in the "37 days" that Democrats have been interviewing witnesses behind closed doors. This is nonsense: we are still at the investigation stage. The accused does not get to send his lawyer along with the cops when they interview a witness. (That's not to mention that some of what's under discussion may be classified. People testify behind closed doors at the Capitol all the time.) When hearings begin in the House, it will be more like a grand-jury equivalent—meaning the defense still does not get to send a lawyer or question witnesses. The president will get his due process when the trial is held in the Senate, assuming the House votes to send it there. In the meantime, House Republicans are present for all of this and are undoubtedly running defense for him throughout.

But Scalise made clear his "Soviet-style" label also applies to the rules the Democrats put up for a vote, which allow committee chairs like Adam Schiff to veto the Republicans' inevitably batshit witnesses. Republicans have long sought to disrupt public hearings with made-for-TV crapola. It's not hard to imagine Republicans calling for Strzok and Page, or Bruce and Nellie Ohr, or any of the other characters from the Trump Conspiracy Cinematic Universe. Ideally, the Republicans would call witnesses relevant to the inquiry in a good-faith effort to get to the bottom of whether the president committed gross misconduct, but Nancy Pelosi was not born yesterday. She knows they might just as easily call Cap'n Crunch.

So let’s recap – Trump’s biggest supporters are a guy who got shot at a baseball game and continues to support guns, a 7 time DUI champion, a guy who’s been roped in one of the biggest university sexual harassment scandals of all time, and a guy who’s suing a cow. With friends like these, who really needs any enemies? Elsewhere, the Washington Nationals won the World Series and visited the White House, and we learned that Kurt Suzuki and Ryan Zimmerman were both hardcore MAGAs.

Will someone please get the U.S. Marine Band off the internet?

The country's premier musicians have taken their skills down a notch, performing the world's most annoying jingle Baby Shark for the Washington Nationals during the team's White House visit. And that's far from the most unexpected stunt that happened when the World Series winners graced the South Lawn on Monday.

Not every National chose to head to the White House, giving either personal or political reasons for skipping the celebration with President Trump. But Kurt Suzuki was more than happy to be there. When Trump asked him to come up and say a few words, the catcher put on a MAGA hat, threw up his hands in a Trump-like manner, and unexpectedly participated in a Titanic reenactment with the president.

Paired with Ryan Zimmerman's thank you to Trump for "continuing to make America the greatest country to live in the world," the fan base that had booed Trump at a Nationals home game wasn't too happy. But politics aside, the most disturbing yet unfortunately memorable part of the event happened when the Marine Band broke out its rendition of Baby Shark. Kathryn Krawczyk

Seriously? Baby Shark? That’s how you choose to use the Marine Corp Marching Band? Really? As if that wasn’t weird enough, check out what Trump did to spend his Halloween:

They can’t even give out Halloween candy without it being weird. And we saw how weird Easter was, at that point, you almost have to feel sorry for the Easter bunny! Getting back to the impeachment trial, one of the highlights so far has been one of the biggest far right conspiracy theorists in the world, Roger Stone, going down in flames. But not before Alex Jones and his merry band of idiots attempted to interfere in the trial and got caught with their pants down:

InfoWars conspiracy theorist and Roger Stone ally Alex Jones stepped up his attacks on the jury at Stone’s trial on Tuesday, broadcasting the name and face of a woman he claimed was a juror at the trial and calling her a “minion” of anti-Trump forces.

“We’ve got her name, and we’re going to release it,” Jones said on his InfoWars broadcast, before revealing a woman’s name and putting her face on the screen behind him.

Later in the broadcast, Jones and his attorney were joined by a person dressed as the Grim Reaper and wielding a sickle. Stone hosted a show broadcast on InfoWars until recently, and Jones and his employees have frequently attacked the judge in Stone’s case, Judge Amy Berman Jackson.

Jones’ attacks on the jury were based on reporting that the first potential juror in the case was a former Obama administration employee in the Office of Management and Budget whose husband works for the Department of Justice. But in his rush to attack the potential juror as a deep-state plant, Jones appears to have gotten the wrong person.

During his broadcast, Jones didn’t show a picture of the actual potential juror, who, despite his claims, didn’t make it onto the jury anyway. Instead, he showed a picture of another former OMB staffer who appears to be totally unrelated to the Stone trial.

Hey don’t go full Infowars, never, ever go full Infowars. Because Alex Jones is an insane crazy man, and it was recently revealed that they just make shit up, which is not at all shocking. And if you’re expecting guys like Scalise, Jordan, Nunes, and Gaetz to make complete asses of themselves, you’re correct on that one because they absolutely did!

Republicans and Donald Trump have sought to smear key witnesses in the impeachment inquiry against the president as having dual or mixed loyalties to the US, due to being born abroad.

The move has sparked condemnation as a bigoted tactic that has maligned career US diplomats and officials as being potentially disloyal to their adopted country due to not being born in America.

The attacks have focused on the Ukraine ambassador Marie Yovanovitch, the National Security Council Ukraine expert Alexander Vindman, and the former White House Russia security expert Fiona Hill.

Trump called the Canadian-born Yovanovitch “bad news”. The British-born Hill told congressional investigators that accusations against Yovanovitch related to a “mishmash of conspiracy theories … an idea of an association between her and George Soros”.

Hill also said far-right conspiracy theories that she herself was a “Soros mole in the White House, of colluding with all kinds of enemies of the President, and, you know, of various improprieties” resurfaced after her deposition before the House intelligence committee was announced.

But that’s not exactly true, Cartman! And by the way, it’s been a while since we checked in with Melania’s “Be Best” campaign, and if you want to see how well that’s going, just look at what Trump’s been tweeting since Greta Thunberg beat him out for Person Of The Year in Time Magazine! And if you want to see how to completely derail an entire campaign in one tweet, look no further than what happened in Baltimore:

Melania Trump on Tuesday defended the rights of teenagers who booed her when she addressed them in Baltimore, a city her husband, President Donald Trump, has disparaged as “rat and rodent infested.”

She traveled there to urge hundreds of middle and high school students to avoid misusing drugs, saying that would make it harder for them to achieve their life's goals. But her remarks drew a mix of boos and cheers, and the audience remained noisy throughout her five-minute address.

It is highly unusual for a first lady to be booed at a public appearance. Mrs. Trump released a statement hours after she had returned to the White House, defending the principle of freedom of expression while reaffirming her commitment to the issue that drew her to Baltimore.

"We live in a democracy and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but the fact is we have a serious crisis in our country and I remain committed to educating children on the dangers and deadly consequences of drug abuse," Mrs. Trump said.

The first lady has been using her prominence to spotlight programs she thinks can help young people, whether it's to teach them to be positive online or to avoid drug misuse and addiction.

Yeah you don’t want to go there, Melania. Maybe go to Alabama, or Mississippi where they still support you. Anyway before we wrap it up, I could point out that Kid Rock got caught saying something racist, or Borat himself claiming that Facebook has gone full Nazi, but one of my favorite things to happen at the end of the year was the completely batshit crazy, off the wall interview with John Schnatter of Papa John’s fame, I’m not even going to show the articles, let’s just play the clip, this is 2019 in a nutshell:

Yeah of course it wont if you eat 40 pizzas in 30 days, I think the meat sweats are coming out of your pores, man. That’s it for our 2019 year in review everybody! I’m out!

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[font size="8"]SantaCon: How Is This Still A Thing
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It’s time once again to ask:

This week: Santa Con, how is this still a thing? You know it’s Christmas time and everyone looks forward to Santa’s visit. Except of course for New York City, during the week before Christmas, thousands of people dressed as Jolly Old St. Nick gather in the Big Apple for a weekend of some hard drinking and debauchery. And the citizens of New York usually don’t want anything to do with the hard partying Santas. In fact these Santas really don’t care if you are naughty or nice. They just want to hang out in New York City and drink, wearing the signature Santa outfits. In fact if these Santas are coming to your door, you probably don’t want leave cookies and milk for them.

It's that time of year again -- the time of year when a large group of people dressed as Santa Claus flood the streets and subways of New York City in what has become an annual bar crawl tradition.

This year, however, "The Crossroads of the World" will be the meeting place for the inordinately amount of drunken Mr. and Mrs. Clauses.

This year’s SantaCon is scheduled for Saturday starting at 10 a.m. It will kick off from Father Duffy Square, a section of Times Square between West 46 and 47th Streets and Broadway and Seventh Avenue.

SantaCon is a massive annual bar crawl in which participants dress in red and white resembling jolly old St. Nick, elves and other holiday-themed costumes.

According to its official page, "SantaCon is a charitable, non-political, nonsensical Santa Claus convention that happens once a year to spread absurdist joy."

The rules of SantaCon are simple - don't mess with kids, cops, bar staff, the charity mission or simply, the city of New York.

Yes that’s pretty much what going to SantaCon is like for New Yorkers. Even the creators of SantaCon don’t want anything to do with SantaCon. In fact actual New Yorkers have been calling on mayor Bill DeBlasio to flat out cancel the Gathering Of The Santas. But there is one thing that all New Yorkers can agree on is that everyone hates SantaCon. No, not SantaCon!

Bill de Blasio could become the most popular mayor in New York City history if only he'd cancel SantaCon, said a man on a mission to put an end to the event.

"It would be a bold and frankly, a popular decision to make," said organizer Jason Selvig, of the comedic duo The Good Liars. "Hell, he could re-run for president on that platform."

Selvig has launched his Cancel SantaCon campaign about a week before thousands of drunken, vomiting, car-punching Santa Clauses are slated to storm New York City bars, subways and streets on Dec. 14.

The petition has garnered more than 300 signatures from New Yorkers calling on the Mayor to cancel SantaCon, the comedian said.

"Hatred of SantaCon may be the one thing that unites New Yorkers of all backgrounds and political beliefs," said Selvig. "SantaCon is the worst day of the year."

However, while New Yorkers dread the now annual gathering of the Santas and all the drunken, Fireball fueled debauchery that now comes with Christmas, the real party is happening in nearby New Jersey, where the NJ Transit System has actually ordered the Santas to keep their booze off of the Jersey trains and buses. Yes, this is a thing that actually needed to be said.

Santa is coming to town, specifically during the next two Saturdays, when the costumed, strolling cocktail party known as SantaCon happens in Hoboken and New York.

Both NJ Transit and SantaCon have some rules. But NJ Transit’s are the easiest for those dressing and drinking as Santas, elves, reindeers, Frosty and Olaf to remember - keep the booze off the transit system.

In fact, the agency said riders can’t drink any beverage aboard a train or light rail vehicle on Dec. 7 and 14, just in case someone is sneaking some Baileys in that innocent coffee. The ban also extends to unopened six-packs and airline sized Fireball bottles.

Beverages and food are normally banned from NJ Transit buses. This ban includes light rail and commuter trains.

NJ Transit’s ban is in effect on Dec. 7 for SantaCon in Hoboken and Dec. 14 for the New York event. The ban will be strictly enforced, NJ Transit officials said. Traditionally the Long Island Railroad, Metro North and MTA have similar bans when SantaCon hits NYC.

SantaCon is an annual bar crawl held around the country during December as a fundraiser for charity. In the case of New York SantaCon, participants donate by purchasing a $10 ticket through that event’s website, which also gives priority access to some locations, according to the NYC SantaCon website. It says $450,000 has been raised for charity over 9 years.

Well despite all the drunken debauchery that follows when thousands of Santas flood the streets of New York City and nearby New Jersey, SantaCon manages to get away with it because it’s billed as a charity fundraiser, and has actually raised legitimate charity money for legitimate causes. And there was that incident where the Santas helped a guy after getting stabbed on the LIRR, which is likely to happen when you visit New York. But that’s also one of the weirdest scenes to happen in New York lately, but even the police chief of Hoboken is sending an alarm into the “charitable causes” of SantaCon.

Thousands of people dressed as Santa, Mrs. Claus and elves descend upon the city every December for a pub crawl that requires a massive police response.

Hoboken's SantaCon dubs itself an "annual charity event for the local community" with the "best" drink specials.

"How many Santa's, Mrs. Clauses's and Elves do you see getting off the trains in Hoboken or standing in bar lines with presents for underprivileged children?" Ken Ferrante, the city's chief of police, tweeted.

As of 2 p.m., 23 city ordinance summonses were issued, 19 of those were for open container/consumption of alcohol in public, Ferrante tweeted.

A wave of police, including 25 Union City officers, will be deployed at 4 p.m.

The first arrest of SantaCon was made just after 1:30 p.m. The 29-year-old male from Ewing, was charged with criminal trespass and obstruction, Ferrante tweeted.

It costs taxpayers about $75,000 for the large police presence during SantaCon, the chief said in a Tweet.

So it’s just like Santa, only these Santas don’t care if you’re naughty or nice. That’s enough to make you ask – SantaCon:

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of UCLA! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know this is that time of year when we take an annual look at the conservative culture war that they’ve been waging since the dawn of time, and it’s a war that no one wants to fight. In fact people just flat out don’t care what stores say “Happy Holidays” vs “Merry Christmas” anymore. They are actually, outright, gloating about it. I mean really, was it ever OK to *NOT* say Merry Christmas? I mean America is a land of opportunity, where all races and religions are welcome. Well, at least they used to be before Fox News took over the landscape.

We're well into the 12 Days of the War on Christmas now, where the lead-up to the most ubiquitous holiday in the history of human civilization is punctuated by fears that the same holiday is under attack. The greeting, "Happy Holidays" is not, you see, a small and voluntary gesture meant to welcome many faith traditions to the American experience, predicated on the idea this is a nation for anyone willing to honor the values of a free society. Instead, the phrase is a heat-seeking missile launched at the Yuletide, an insidious plot to erase Christmas from American life.

Luckily, we've recently learned that Donald Trump, American president has already won the War on Christmas. A group of people which definitely exists were trying to stop other people saying, "Merry Christmas," but Donald Trump stopped them from stopping people from saying it. In conclusion, we're saying Merry Christmas again, folks. Yet such is the power of a mass delusion fueled by simmering resentment that somehow, even though the War was won, the defenders of Christmas still feel it necessary to constantly discuss the War, and how there was definitely a real time where you couldn't say, "Merry Christmas" in America.

Now here’s where I have a problem with that – we’ve been doing this thing for 3 years now and every year we’ve been doing a Christmas edition! Every year! Nobody is making it a burden on you to say “Merry Christmas” or put up tinsel and Christmas trees, you’re doing that to yourselves! Now contrast that with what happened over the weekend. If you watch the Hallmark Channel at all, well, you might have heard about this controversy.

People are calling for a boycott of the Hallmark channel in the middle of its famous Christmas movie season after the channel pulled an ad from wedding planning company Zola that featured a lesbian couple.

In response, a spokesperson for Zola told BuzzFeed News the company had decided to stop advertising on Hallmark entirely.

"The only difference between the commercials that were flagged and the ones that were approved was that the commercials that did not meet Hallmark’s standards included a lesbian couple kissing," Mike Chi, Zola's chief marketing officer, said in a statement.

The trouble started when the ad caught the attention of the conservative group One Million Moms. The group wrote on its website that it had received complaints from people who had been watching Hallmark, and seen the ad with two women kissing.

"The Hallmark Channel has always been known for its family friendly movies," the group wrote. "Even its commercials are usually safe for family viewing. But unfortunately, that is not the case anymore."

Yeah so we’ve been putting up with their bullshit for 15 years. They can’t take 15 seconds of a commercial and then they call us the lunatics? Get the hell out of here! Seriously, what’s wrong with them? This is something that the good LAWRD JAYSUS would hate! Can I get an amen?? I mean come on One Million Moms, your schtick is getting old. And even Saturday Night Live was able to see through your bullshit!

Two years after Saturday Night Live skewered Hallmark Channel’s Christmas movies in a cut-for-time sketch, NBC’s program this holiday season aired a new parody of Hallmark’s signature franchise.

In fact, tonight’s skit was somewhat of a sequel to the 2017 sketch, featuring some of the same Hallmark Christmas movie character types and tropes, a big-city career woman, a young Santa, a black character with no backstory, a prince, a Christmas tree farm, a snow globe and a gazebo.

This time, the setting was A Winter Boyfriend for Holiday Christmas, a Hallmark dating show created by the algorithm that makes Hallmark holiday movies. It featured a bachelorette, a New York career woman played by host Scarlett Johansson, and three eligible bachelors, a Christmas tree farm owner (and ghost), played by Beck Bennett, a Prince with a British accent (Alex Moffat), and Nick Sr. Claus (young Santa), played by Kyle Mooney).

The skit touched upon the often criticized lack of racial diversity in Hallmark’s Christmas movies. Moffat was “Prince Simon of Caucasia”, while Chris Redd’s character had a couple of lines, and said that he had no name or back story.

The skit aired amid a controversy surrounding Hallmark Channel’s decision to pull a commercial featuring a lesbian couple kissing on their wedding day.

Imagine being so petty that you have to hound the network into submission so that way they pull an ad featuring two women in love and they can’t handle it? And somehow we are the snowflakes? Right. Oh and I don’t have to picture that, that man currently sits in the Oval Office! But there is some good news is that the Hallmark Channel reinstated their ties with Zola and resumed the ad. Really, One Million Moms, you can go eat one million bags of shit. Can I get an amen??

The Hallmark Channel on Sunday moved to reinstate ads featuring a same-sex couple that had been removed from the cable network. The decision came after considerable backlash over the initial decision to stop airing the ads from the wedding-planning company Zola.

"The Crown Media team has been agonizing over this decision as we've seen the hurt it has unintentionally caused," Hallmark CEO Mike Perry said in a statement Sunday night. "Said simply, they believe this was the wrong decision."

"Hallmark will be working with GLAAD [Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation] to better represent the LGBTQ community across our portfolio of brands," the statement continued. "The Hallmark Channel will be reaching out to Zola to reestablish our partnership and reinstate the commercials."

Perry also used the statement to apologize, saying, "Our mission is rooted in helping all people connect, celebrate traditions, and be inspired to capture meaningful moments in their lives. Anything that detracts from this purpose is not who we are. We are truly sorry for the hurt and disappointment this has caused."

That’s because no one wants to do business with these morons, Reverend! That’s it for Holy Shit this year, we will be back on January 8th! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this year for:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. And this is always my favorite People Are Dumb segment of the year because we get to go through an entire year’s worth of epic fails and colossally stupid people throughout the year. Not anyone involved in the government, mind you, no, this is ordinary folks like you and I. So where do we begin this week? Well for the first one, going back to the beginning of the year, I love it when people try to recreate scenes from movies and it winds up ending very bad for them. And one scene you should never try and recreate is the driving scene from the Netflix movie “Bird Box”. It’s, well, it’s just a movie, people!

Police say a Utah teenager crashed into another car when she covered her eyes as part of the so-called “Bird Box Challenge.”

Layton police Lt. Travis Lyman said Friday that the 17-year-old drifted into oncoming traffic and hit another car after she pulled a hat over her eyes to emulate “Bird Box,” a Sandra Bullock movie on Netflix where characters must be constantly blindfolded to avoid visions that urge them to die.

Videos of people trying to do things while blindfolded have attracted widespread attention online, and Netflix tweeted a warning about the challenge last week.

No one was hurt in the Monday crash north of Salt Lake City.

Lyman says it should serve as a warning he never thought he’d have to give: Don’t drive while blindfolded.

Well duh! Don’t drive blindfolded I believe is the take away from this story. Next up – remember that episode of Seinfeld where George was riding the subway and he got blindfolded and taken for everything he had by a crazy con artist? Well, this is kind of like that except this guy had a boatload of cash and his own girlfriend was waiting for him in the lobby! This story has everything!

A naked man was getting ready to have sex with a woman he’d just met, while his understanding girlfriend waited downstairs, he told police in North Carolina, but things went downhill quickly after that.

Randleman Police said Christopher Hancock told them he was attacked and robbed at the late morning sexual rendezvous, the Courier-Tribune reported.

Hancock reported he and his girlfriend have an open relationship, and they both went to a house so he could have sex with the other woman, according to WSET.

With his girlfriend waiting downstairs on a couch on Jan. 28, Hancock told police he and the woman went to a bedroom and stripped naked, per WFMY. That’s when two men attacked Hancock, punching and choking him until he blacked out, the TV station reported.

When the Franklinville resident came to, he told police the men were gone, along with his pants and $10,000 he said he had in one of the pockets, according to the Courier-Tribune.

Read more: https://www.newsobserver.com/latest-news/article226410755.html

Yeah the bigger question is where was he going with that $10K? I feel like there’s a huge yada yada yada there. Next up – fast food fights! I love a good fast food fight. The thing with fast food – you get your bag of crap, check your order and then leave. And this one took place at a Taco Bell after this guy claimed they made his Mexican Pizza wrong and things went south from there.

According to cops, the suspect entered the Taco Bell in Spartanburg Wednesday afternoon complaining that “there was not enough meat on his Mexican pizza.” A store employee told cops that she “re-made the suspect’s food.”

The man, however, was equally displeased with his second pizza and demanded a refund. When told that was not possible since a manager was not on the premises, the suspect became “enraged,” declaring that he “would show the employees how to make his food the appropriate way,” according to a police report.

The man then “walked behind the counter into the kitchen area and began making his own food.” A Taco Bell worker noted that the suspect “did not follow proper health/safety guidelines” by not wearing “protective gloves while making his food.”

The Taco Bell employee said the suspect “made himself another Mexican pizza and subsequently left the store and premises.” The man, the worker said, “was angry and upset throughout his time in the facility” and used foul language in response to her repeated demands to leave the Taco Bell.

Next up – ever try to unclog a toilet by yourself? It’s a maddening job isn’t it? Well, these two guys attempted to try it themselves and things only went south from there. Yeah it’s kind of like the Cousin Eddie toilet scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

A man from St. Petersburg, Florida, shocked his roommate Saturday when he fired a gun inside their house and shattered a toilet.

Police said the bullet tore through numerous walls before it destroyed the porcelain throne, local station WTSP reported Sunday. Police arrested Ryan Rawson Montgomery, 40, who, according to an affidavit, claimed he was playing with the gun when it unexpectedly discharged.

After the incident, Montgomery tossed the gun in an area of water nearby. A visitor, Sheryl Jackson, 64, took the bullet, later telling police she wanted to hide it.

Police charged both Jackson and Montgomery with tampering with physical evidence. Also charged with culpable negligence and violating probation in Charlotte County, Montgomery is being held on a bail of $2,250. Jackson was released on a $2,000 bail, WTSP reported.

God remember when Randy Quaid only played characters like that? Next up I want to talk about an epic car fail story back from July. This is the kind of thing that people hate about marketing, and a promotion gone berserk. If you want to see the full story – it’s quite insane. Just go back to Idiots #7-4 . But a car dealer should not be giving away free guns, along with Bibles and American flags. First off, way to placate the stereotype. Second, that could end very badly for you!

A rural Alabama auto dealership is giving away a Bible, a 12-gauge shotgun and an American flag with the purchase of any new or used vehicle as part of its Fourth of July sales promotion.

Chatom Ford launched the campaign God, Guns and Freedom last week, with general sales manager Koby Palmer telling USA Today that it helped them sell 5 vehicles in just 3 days.

The social media feed from Chatom Ford states it is celebrating America's independence by offering these gifts in exchange for buying a vehicle. Every vehicle purchased new or pre-owned will come with a bible, 12-gauge shot gun, and American flag!

The post shows a dealership employee standing by a flag draped over a Ford F-150.

The video promoting the giveaway, which was posted June 19 and had been expected to run through July 31, has been deleted.

Finally I want to post the Florida Man story to end all Florida Man stories. Especially since it involves one of the biggest Disney flicks of all time, Frozen. Of course now Frozen 2 looks to shatter some box office records. Anyway, people, don’t do this type of thing with an inflatable toy! Meth is a hell of a drug, and good luck explaining that to your children! Just… let it go!

A Florida Man yesterday sexually assaulted a pair of “large stuffed animal toys” inside a Target store, according to police who arrested the fiend on a criminal mischief charge.

As detailed in a criminal complaint, Cody Christopher Meader, 20, entered the retailer around 2 PM Tuesday and approached a display of merchandise featuring characters from the Disney film “Frozen.”

Meader, seen at right, selected a “large Olaf stuffed animal” and proceeded to place it on the floor of the Target in Pinellas Park. He then began to “dry hump” the cinematic snowman “until he ejaculated on the merchandise,” a cop reported.

Meader returned the soiled Olaf back to the display before entering the toy department, where he “selected a large unicorn stuffed animal and began to ‘dry hump’ this item.”

That’s it this year for:

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep. 18: Next Year
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Welcome back to our handy guide to the 2020 election, which we will be entering the cycle in a mere two weeks, Keeping Up With The Candidates! This is where we are keeping our guide to the mother of all elections, the 2020 US presidential election in one place! Last week, we said goodbye to the Kamala Harris for President campaign. This week, we’re going say goodbye to the 2019 year and look forward to what’s happening next year. And next year is a presidential year. Which means that it’s going to be a colossal shit show. And the speculation is already beginning to run rampant. So what can we look forward to in a presidential election? And especially one that could see Trump packing? To do so we’re going to take a look at what happened to our friends across the pond in Brexit – Boris Johnson was just handed a colossal victory and it could potentially rip the EU apart.

It started with a stunning exit poll that no one - not even the pollsters, possibly not even Downing Street, had predicted.

Echoing Margaret Thatcher’s landslide victories of the 1980s, the early taste of Boris Johnson’s epic triumph came as the clock stuck 10pm and the shock result was dramatically projected in technicolour for all to see.

Could the Conservatives really be predicted to win 368 seats - a massive 86 majority over Labour on a paltry 191? Only time would tell if what looked like a complete evisceration of Jeremy Corbyn’s hard-Left Communist cabal across swathes of Labour heartlands in the Midlands.

This could potentially have some devastating consequences. Now how could this affect the vote here, and many including Trump himself are saying that the UK conservative vote could have a ripple effect here in the States. But while Boris is vowing to get Brexit done, that’s still easier said than done given how much of a disaster the UK Parliament is currently in. Now let’s parallel that with the US Congres.

Britain held its fourth national vote in less than five years Thursday – if 2016's referendum on EU membership is included – and incumbent Prime Minister Boris Johnson stormed to victory in a contest that was notionally about one thing: Brexit.

Yet it was also about a potential realignment of Britain's political identity.

Johnson's Conservative Party secured 364 of 650 parliamentary seats in a vote that drew comparisons, in terms of its gravity, to Margaret Thatcher's election in 1979.

In the end, the result drew an additional dotted line to the Iron Lady. It marked the Conservative Party's best result since Thatcher’s third election win in 1987.

Thatcher, U.S. President Ronald Reagan's political soulmate, launched Britain on a path toward economic reform and aggressive privatization of its major industries from which it has never looked back – or recovered, depending on your politics.

Johnson won with a simple message. He vowed to "get Brexit done."

No so we don’t want that to happen here. Now how could we prevent that from happening? Well there’s several things. We don’t want to be a doom and gloom scenario kind of people, but these things tend to happen. But there is one thing that we have to be vigilant on: bot accounts. The bot accounts are going to come fast and fierce, and they’re coming for your vote. If there’s one thing we need to learn a lesson on from 2016 and last week’s British vote, it’s this.

The prospect of Russian interference in Britain's election flared anew Saturday after the social media platform Reddit concluded that people from Russia leaked confidential British government documents on Brexit trade talks just days before the general U.K. vote.

Reddit said in a statement that it has banned 61 accounts suspected of violating policies against vote manipulation. It said the suspect accounts shared the same pattern of activity as a Russian interference operation dubbed "Secondary Infektion" that was uncovered earlier this year.

Reddit investigated the leak after the documents became public during the campaign for Thursday's election, which will determine the country's future relationship with the European Union. All 650 seats in the House of Commons are up for grabs.

Reddit said it believed the documents were leaked as “part of a campaign that has been reported as originating from Russia."

So what is going to happen? How do we combat the bots? It’s going to take a lot to defeat foreign and outside influence in the next election. And who’s going to come out on top? People, we’ve got 11 months to pick a candidate and we’d better come to a consensus! Someone has to beat Trump and end this nightmare once and for all! But who’s it going to be? WHO????

Former Vice President Joe Biden and Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders lead the crowded Democratic field, pulling in together about half of the support of Democratic voters and Democratic-leaning independents, according to the latest NPR/PBS NewsHour/Marist Poll.

Biden leads with 24%, followed closely by Sanders at 22%. Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren is third with 17%, followed by South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg at 13%, all together making up a clear top tier of four candidates.

Entrepreneur Andrew Yang is fifth with 5%; former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Minnesota Sen. Amy Klobuchar and New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker all pull in 4%.

Clustered together with just 1% support are former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Julián Castro, Hawaii Rep. Tulsi Gabbard and Colorado Sen. Michael Bennet. Former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick, billionaire Tom Steyer, spiritualist and author Marianne Williamson and former Rep. John Delaney all get less than 1%.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

There is no next week, this is the season finale! See you next year everybody!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Vampire Weekend[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this post season party started! I am extremely excited to have this next guest on, their latest album is called “Father Of The Bride”. You can see them on tour next July and August, unfortunately no LA dates yet. Playing their song “Harmony Hall”, give it up for Vampire Weekend!

Thank you UCLA! This is the end of Top 10 season 7! I’d like to thank my staff, my crew, all of our travel partners and hosts! The Top 10 returns January 8th with a brand new edition live from Syracuse, New York! See you next year!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, CA
Special Thanks To: UCLA
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UCLA Choir Club, Westwood, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Vampire Weekend Appear Courtesy Of: Columbia Music
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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