Red Wave Coming - Republicans Expected To Pick Up 70 Seats...

[JimGinPA]

In prison.


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/republicans-projected-to-pick-up-seventy-seats-in-prison?fbclid=IwAR20-GZZBvg4egIGzsFcjb5JKlumYU4qWnhSFh2lmg9U0rDj3wRosUkNdaM

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)

In a development that could dramatically change the composition of the federal penitentiary system, Republicans are projected to pick up as many as seventy seats in prison, a leading incarceration expert said on Thursday.

“Prognostication is an inexact science,” Davis Logsdon, who studies conviction rates of corrupt politicians for the University of Minnesota’s Guilt Project, said. “Having said that, if current indictment trends hold up, the Republicans could be flipping at least seventy key prison seats.”

Logsdon broke down criminal cases against Republicans into likely convictions, likely acquittals, and toss-ups, and found that the G.O.P.’s path to the magic number of seventy new prison cells was “very doable.”

According to his projections, Republicans are running for prison “especially well” in districts where the G.O.P. member of Congress was an early supporter of Donald J. Trump.

“In those districts, we’re seeing Republicans who did an incredible job of raising money,” he said. “All of that money is going to translate into a huge number of new freshman prisoners.”

All in all, Logsdon sees the prospect of seventy new Republicans in prison as “nothing short of seismic.”

“Prisons need to get ready,” he said. “A red wave is coming.”

[Sneederbunk]

1. I am in favor of bunking two to a cell.

[lunatica]

2. I was so ready to kick your ass for posting shit!

[JimGinPA]

3. .

[Hermit-The-Prog]

17. and I was ready to join you!

Instead, I'm all in favor of more Reds in Feds. (prisons, that is).

[ck4829]

4. Republicans WOULD make the scariest prison gang though... It would explain a lot

Ties to Russian criminals and even the Russian government.
Connections to white nationalists.

If they were setting themselves up to be a prison gang when they all get caught, they would have it down 100%.

[leftieNanner]

19. But deep down

Just like their Emperor Trump, they are all cowards. They wouldn't survive two days in prison.

Well, we may just find out, won't we?

[ck4829]

20. I certainly hope so

[SonofDonald]

28. One funny thought though

We'd find out how many are actuall "alpha males" wouldn't we?

[csziggy]

24. They could put on a hell of a musical

[Newest Reality]

5. Rope a dope, but don't drop the soap! /nt

[Leghorn21]

6. Ha, my thought was, "yeah, they sure are...in HELL"

but I do actually prefer PRISON

seriously

[TEB]

7. I read the heading twice

I’m thinking what the hey ok after reading article I’m smiling

[Laffy Kat]

8. Got me.

So glad I read through. After your title, I was about to stick my head in the oven!

[ancianita]

9. Joking about a horrible, criminal situation is just not funny.

That media take all this lightly is depressing.

[JimGinPA]

10. It's Kinda Andy Borowitz' Job To Be Funny...

[ancianita]

12. I know. I've read him for as long as he's been with the New Yorker. He said what he said.

I said what I said.

[FeelingBlue]

23. Then think of Borowitz

As the King’s fool.

[NYC Liberal]

34. It's not funny. It's satire.

The purpose of satire isn’t to make light of something; in fact, it’s quite the opposite.

[oldsoftie]

11. I wondered what the joke was going to be when I clicked

[subana]

13. haha!!!

When I read the title I thought, who would vote to re-elect 70 of those assholes? They've got a much better chance to become federal felons!!

[warmfeet]

14. Excellent news!

I design HVAC and plumbing systems for correctional facilities. This upcoming business is very welcome.

I design very special cells for those that have committed Bribery and High Crimes and Misdemeanors.

Oops, forgot the ventilation and the exhaust. Oops, forgot the combi unit. Shit happens!

I will talk to the architect about bright orange walls.

[Aussie105]

16. Make sure

ventilation is minimal, the cameras don't work, and the guards have long snooze periods.
If you could arrange that, that would be fine. 8-)

[lpbk2713]

15. Reopen Alcatraz.

A shit hole like that ought to serve them well.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

18. chant it out: More Reds in Feds

[Zambero]

21. And who will be the Ranking Prisoner?

Hint: He has a disgruntled and brutally honest cow!

[liberal N proud]

22. Borowitz

[IronLionZion]

25. Roll tide

Lock them up! GOP for prison!

[Tanuki]

26. Save a cell for Moscow Marsha Blackburn, who accepted Alexander Torshin's laundered rubles

via the NRA and went on to do Putin"s bidding by blocking election interference legislation, harassing and slandering Vindman and the whistleblower, and much more.

[TlalocW]

27. I was thinking there better be a jail punchline when I clicked

TlalocW

[Initech]

29. I see what you did there!

[CaptYossarian]

30. Now the Left needs to change their feelings on convicts having the

right to vote.

[FakeNoose]

31. For the record, no Republican incumbent deserves to be re-elected

Not a single one. If Borowitz can bus them off to prison, so much the better.

[cstanleytech]

33. So very true. nt

[cstanleytech]

32. The Red Tsunami of 2020.