Full Trump Transcript Includes 37 Pages Of Confused President Mashing Fingers Against Dial Pad

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

While Ukrainian President Tries To Speak

WASHINGTON—Shedding light on what exactly transpired between the U.S. president and Ukraine during a mysterious April call, a transcript released Friday includes 37 pages of a confused Donald Trump mashing his fingers against his phone’s dial pad while President Volodymyr Zelensky tries to speak. According to the released call logs, President Trump responded to Zelensky’s appeals for further cooperation between the two countries by hitting nine and then star 30 times in a row while yelling ‘Ukraine!’ into the phone. This was reportedly followed by an eight-minute exchange where the president repeatedly held down the entire keypad in an attempt to hang up the phone. In addition, several pages of the transcript document noted rapid fire dialing as Trump muttered about not knowing how to spell Ukraine with numbers. At press time, legal analysts going over the call were expressing the most interest in the final five minutes, where President Trump attempts to order a meat lovers pizza and cinnamon sticks from Domino’s before launching into a six-minute diatribe about how someone with President Zelensky’s thick accent shouldn’t be working at a pizza place.

https://politics.theonion.com/full-trump-transcript-includes-37-pages-of-confused-pre-1839894483

[dewsgirl]

1. I read half of thinking it was real, got me again,The Onion.

[Bayard]

3. Same here!

Unbelievable that its so believable.

[Ferrets are Cool]

4. Who can tell anymore?

Half of the real stuff feels like it comes from the Onion.

[dewsgirl]

10. IKR!

[malaise]

9. Ditto

[Eliot Rosewater]

2. He is an ignorant ass that isnt qualified to run the night shift at the local 7-11

I mean that sincerely, he would be fired the first day.

He knows nothing, and I mean nothing about anything in the world.

NOTHING

[Hermit-The-Prog]

5. a callous on those tiny hands would send him to a doctor

[AncientGeezer]

6. It's the Onion...satire

[Eliot Rosewater]

8. Could just as easily not be

[Eliot Rosewater]

12. Is this a contest? Are you trying to insult me?

[AncientGeezer]

7. Love the Onion....