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Wed Aug 29, 2012, 10:58 AM

The Rude Pundit: Random Observations on Last Night's RNC Funfest

Note: This will only be about Chris Christie because his speech was the only one the Rude Pundit bothered watching. The Rude Pundit ate something that has attacked his insides like a pair of weasels in a burlap bag. Most of the night was spent in unspeakable acts of anal and oral toilet assault. Yet, strangely, he didn't sweat as much as Chris Christie undulating onto the imperial dais. Oh, and don't fucking complain about Chris Christie fat jokes. Complain that he's an obscenity shaped like a beach ball.

1. Here's one thing that bugged the shit out of the Rude Pundit from Christie's speech: His mother "was raised by a single mother who took three different buses every day to get to work." This may have impressed people from the south and west who hop in their cars to go to the mailbox. But Christie's family is from up here in the northeast, and everybody knows people of most economic levels who take multiple modes of transportation a day to get to work. Many of the Rude Pundit's professorial colleagues take a train, a ferry, and a bus to go poison the minds of America's youth. Does that count as a speech-worthy hardship?

2. Imagine you have a friend who a few years back heard that if you feed poodles money they will shit out gold bricks. So your friend starts feeding his hard-earned cash to all the pampered poodles he can find, and they gobble those bills down. But, surprise, surprise, despite what he heard, the dogs end up shitting shit. Still, he clings to this bizarre, completely disproven idea: poodles shit gold. Now, after some time, he's low on cash. You tell your friend to stop putting out plates of money for the goddamned poodles. No, your friend says. Instead, he must cut back on other things, like doctor visits and food and more, just so he'll have the spare money to give the fucking dogs. "One day, these little bitches are gonna pay off," he tells you, sounding completely crazy, "and I'll be on easy street." But until then, he's just got hands that stink like dog shit. And there's your lesson in Republican economics.

So Christie said, "We believe in telling hard-working families the truth about our country's fiscal realities, telling them what they already know: the math of federal spending does not add up. With $5 trillion in debt added up over to the last four years, we have no option but to make the hard choices: cut federal spending and fundamentally reduce the size of this government." It's not just that it's forgetting history (and facts) to act like the government has been on some big ass spending spree since Obama came into office, ignoring tax cuts and unnecessary wars. It's that Christie is saying he's telling the truth while telling lies, telling people to face reality when he's giving them a fantasy version of the last four years.

3. Who the fuck does this fat fuck think he is, this man-beast poster boy for the sins of gluttony and avarice, telling the poor that they have to tighten their loose belts? Talk to us about cutting back when you can see your penis without the aid of a mirror, Governor Bubble. And maybe stop talking about how great you are and actually govern, fucker.

4. And this whole thing about Obama doing stuff just to be popular? You remember how pathetic you sounded in high school, complaining about the popular kids winning student council? It sounds just as pathetic now. And considering the "popularity" of health care reform, even when it was being drafted and debated, you really think Obama took the polls into consideration?

5. Oh, fuck this. The Rude Pundit doesn't want to tell you what you already know, that this is a masturbatory exercise, a circle jerk of epic proportions (as the DNC will be). It's all making the bile and salmonella build up into one more vomit.

So instead, enjoy this picture of Ann Romney pleasuring herself for the delight of the delegates:



http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/

33 replies, 5528 views

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Arrow 33 replies Author Time Post
Reply The Rude Pundit: Random Observations on Last Night's RNC Funfest (Original post)
meegbear Aug 2012 OP
Angry Dragon Aug 2012 #1
1StrongBlackMan Aug 2012 #2
factsarenotfair Aug 2012 #3
monmouth Aug 2012 #5
FlaGranny Aug 2012 #9
WCGreen Aug 2012 #22
FlaGranny Aug 2012 #26
WCGreen Aug 2012 #33
calimary Aug 2012 #27
factsarenotfair Aug 2012 #30
calimary Aug 2012 #31
Blue Owl Aug 2012 #4
valerief Aug 2012 #10
malaise Aug 2012 #6
Flatpicker Aug 2012 #7
Raster Aug 2012 #8
Scootaloo Aug 2012 #13
spanone Aug 2012 #11
Bernardo de La Paz Aug 2012 #23
truebrit71 Aug 2012 #12
coldbeer Aug 2012 #20
calimary Aug 2012 #28
ellisonz Aug 2012 #14
Barry2012 Aug 2012 #15
genxlib Aug 2012 #16
tartan2 Aug 2012 #17
Gregorian Aug 2012 #18
bupkus Aug 2012 #19
jbeing Aug 2012 #21
JDPriestly Aug 2012 #24
ozsea1 Aug 2012 #25
calimary Aug 2012 #29
librechik Aug 2012 #32

Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:03 AM

1. Orgasm in a Red Dress

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:14 AM

2. I think I need a gop-thinking refresher course ...

 

And this whole thing about Obama doing stuff just to be popular?


I thought it was a politician's job to do the things that people support ... and the people's support is what makes the things popular. People tend not to give popularity to politicians that do not do the things they support.

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:14 AM

3. That's not a normal position for a man or woman to take in front of an audience.

It might be body language for "Please don't stick that transvaginal probe in me!" or "I'm ashamed of my vagina." Or maybe, "Please don't notice that my womb is empty and get a younger woman."

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Response to factsarenotfair (Reply #3)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:17 AM

5. In an Oscar de la renta (from Costco?) no less...n/t

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Response to factsarenotfair (Reply #3)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:53 AM

9. No, what it is

is a, "when I laugh like this, I might pee myself" stance. She HAS had multiple pregnancies!

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Response to FlaGranny (Reply #9)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 01:26 PM

22. That's what I was thinking as well...

Pantie liners, the friend of women everywhere...

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Response to WCGreen (Reply #22)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 03:19 PM

26. You must be

female. No guy would think of that.

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Response to FlaGranny (Reply #26)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 05:04 PM

33. Married....

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Response to factsarenotfair (Reply #3)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 04:17 PM

27. Maybe she had to pee? Forgot to go before you have to step out on stage, your ladyship?

Welcome to DU! Glad to have you here!


And as you can see - we need you!


Now, get to work.

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Response to calimary (Reply #27)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 04:32 PM

30. I wonder what her servants are told to call her...

And thank you for the welcome!

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Response to factsarenotfair (Reply #30)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 04:33 PM

31. :D

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:17 AM

4. Marilyn Mormonroe in "The Asshat Jungle"

n/t

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Response to Blue Owl (Reply #4)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:12 PM

10. Bwahaha!

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:24 AM

6. Love me some Rudie

Rec

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:44 AM

7. Topic 2

Is what has to be brought to the forefront and pounded into the American psyche.

Republican economic theory has been used and simply hasn't worked. Why do we want to go back to doing the same thing?

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Response to Flatpicker (Reply #7)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 11:48 AM

8. Absolutely! The Rude One's analogy is spot on.

Republican economic theory is shit.

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Response to Flatpicker (Reply #7)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:24 PM

13. Republican economic theory works just fine

 

It's just that they lie and tell the nation that it's supposed to make everyone prosperous.

In reality it makes republican economic theorists wealthy, at the expense of everyone else.

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:17 PM

11. what these assholes don't tell us is that as the feds cut spending the states have to pick it up

they won't tell you that

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Response to spanone (Reply #11)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 01:32 PM

23. Christie wants OTHER people to cut, sacrifice, scrimp, reduce, trim, scrape by

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:23 PM

12. Point 3 made me laugh out loud!!

 



And I say that as a fat fucker myself...

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Response to truebrit71 (Reply #12)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 01:14 PM

20. I have'nt seen my peter in thirty years

but the pundit nailed it. Christie uses mirrors. He talks tough
because he has a big mouth and body guards.

He said "when the "American People" go to the polls.

That's a dogwhistle. The American People are the corporations!
Thank you Newt, you lowlife sack!

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Response to coldbeer (Reply #20)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 04:19 PM

28. Welcome to DU!

They ALL speak in dogwhistles. With forked tongues.

Glad you're here.




Now get to work!

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:25 PM

14. I want a poodle that shits gold. n/t

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:44 PM

15. Bingo

 

I cant stand christie, he's so out fucking touch.by the way governor what the hell have you done ? And that picture of ann romney at the bottom , I mean what's wrong with her? Does she have to go to the bathroom or something?

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:55 PM

16. All Valid

All valid points notwithstanding, the most glaring thing i saw was this...

three different buses every day to get to work


Buses??? You mean those bastions of collectivism.

At least his father didn't need the GI bill to pull himself up...oh wait.

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 12:58 PM

17. Oh Ann

what are you thinking a fire engine RED dress!!!!

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 01:04 PM

18. Haha. I love this guy!!!

I miss the days when I had a house with room mates, and we sat around the table sounding just like this guy. The worst and best of times.

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Response to meegbear (Original post)


Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 01:17 PM

21. My favorite line...

from one of my favorite writers:

"...he's an obscenity shaped like a beach ball."

Perfect.

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 01:34 PM

24. K&R for the poodles analogy. Perfect.

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 02:17 PM

25. Ann looks like she just passed gas

Well, at least someone found some relief in that cluster**** of a spectacle!

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Response to ozsea1 (Reply #25)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 04:23 PM

29. Hey you guys: genxlib, tartan2, jbeing, ozsea1 - WELCOME to DU!

I LOVE the Rude Pundit!

Glad you all are here! We need as much muscle and as many hands on deck as we can get! There's an election to win.




Now, get to work.

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Response to meegbear (Original post)

Wed Aug 29, 2012, 04:35 PM

32. well said Rude ! n/t

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