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Wed May 29, 2019, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of: Editor's Picks Edition

Last edited Wed May 29, 2019, 08:47 PM - Edit history (1)


Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of: Editor’s Picks Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Oh, hello! I know, right? I can’t believe how quickly 2019 has just flown by. We’re already at the end of yet another amazing season of the Top 10 which means that in the winter / spring edition of the Top 10 we’ve crowned our Stupidest State 2019 champion. And amazingly Alabama went from being underdogs to winning it all with their insane anti-abortion laws! Everyone thought that Florida was going to win for a second year in a row, and they were heavily favored. But you got to love a good underdog story and Alabama certainly was the one. And of course the NFFSA will be back for this time next year as we crown another Stupidest State winner heading into the 2020 election. Anyway, normally for our Best Of editions, we go back through the few most recent ones to pick some of our favorite entries. But for this week – Memorial Day weekend, and next week, we’re going through every single Top 10 going all the way back to #1 to find our favorite entries, segments, ups and downs in this insane period called the Donald J. Trump administration. This week it’s our editor’s picks for the all time best Top 10 entries. And then next week, picks for the 10 best will be chosen by you, the viewers! So get out there and vote for your favorites! OK that’s enough of the intro but first we have to play the recent Last Week Tonight investigation about death investigations that features an appearance by the one and only Tracy Morgan:



For the number one slot this week, we go back to Idiots #4-18, where Donald Trump (1) officially opened the US embassy in Jerusalem to the delight of end times apocalypse worshippers and to the horror of death and destruction, because that’s how they roll. In the second slot, from Idiots #2-20, is also Donald Trump (2) and he brags that Mar-A-Lago has “the best cake”, but health reports pertaining to Trump related organizations suggest that something rather horrifying might be lurking underneath that chocolate you’re eating. In the number 3 slot, from way back in the first season from Idiots #1-36, Trump (3) and Pence get schooled on extremely terrible logo designs from when the Trump Pence campaign was first unveiled. In the number 4 slot, from Idiots #3-5, there was a shocking comparison between the merchandise sold at Alex Jones’ Infowars store and the merchandise sold at Gwenyth Paltrow’s GOOP store, and guess what? They might be the same thing! Taking the fifth slot, from Idiots #5-5, we take a look at a ridiculous concept in the world of dating called “micro cheating” after BFs and GFs turn the tables on each other finding just about anything that they can possibly complain about. In slot #6-3, in “Holy Shit”, our resident pastor at the Holy Church Of The Top 10, our resident pastor asks the question “Would You Kill Baby Hitler?”. In the seventh slot, from Idiots #5-4, “Beating A Dead Horse” explains why the Alt Right has got to let go of the insane conspiracy theory known as Pizzagate, and their excuses keep getting nuttier and nuttier. In the number 8 slot, from Idiots #5-1, “Explaining Jokes To Idiots” take s a look at what happened to popular punk rock band NOFX after they decided to deliver an extremely poor taste joke about the Vegas shooting, while in Vegas. Yeah don’t do that. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot this week from Idiots #4-6, People Are Dumb takes a look at what happens when a flat earther decides to take his vision of what a flat earth looks like just a little too far. And finally this week, from the 3rd season Idiots #3-15, our stop of the World Tour that week took us to the land of Broadway, the Yankees, and 30 Rockefeller Center, New York City (10)! Plus we have some live music from when 30 Seconds To Mars closed out the 5th season of the Top 10! Enjoy! Plus as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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From: Idiots # 4-18

Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna get raptured! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Woooooooooooooo! Woooo! Woo. Ok maybe it’s not at all as exciting as it’s made out to be since a whole lot of us are probably gonna die in a nuclear holocaust, and relatively soon. At least the doomsday preppers can say “I told you so!”. Followed by a very childish “neener neener!”. So for the sake of this piece, let’s call it “Left Behind: The Real Life Interactive Version”. Or to use something that might be more popular with the kids these days: “Left Behind: Infinity War”. Yes I’m crossing two franchises here – one has a really bizarre doomsday scenario in which half of the population gets snapped up by a crazy wannnabe god bent on controlling the universe, and the other one has Iron Man.



See you next week! What? We still have the full hour left? And Post Malone is backstage? OK. I definitely wouldn’t want to leave Post Malone hanging. So how are we going to get left behind this week?

The US officially relocated its Embassy to Jerusalem on Monday, formally upending decades of American foreign policy in a move that was met with clashes and protests along the Israeli-Gaza border.

At least 43 Palestinians were killed in Gaza as deadly protests took place ahead of and during the ceremony in Jerusalem — making it the deadliest day there since the 2014 Gaza war.

President Donald Trump did not attend the ceremony in Jerusalem's Arnona neighborhood, but in a video message broadcast at the event he congratulated Israel, saying the opening had been "a long time coming."

"Today, Jerusalem is the seam of Israel's government. It is the home of the Israeli legislature and the Israeli supreme court and Israel's prime minister and president. Israel is a sovereign nation with the right like every other sovereign nation to determine its own capital, yet for many years, we failed to acknowledge the obvious, the plain reality that Israel's capital is Jerusalem," Trump said in the pre-recorded remarks.
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/14/politics/jerusalem-us-embassy-trump-intl/index.html




It’s good to know that today’s lunatic fringe Christians plan to create a literal version of hell on earth! I will take that one, thank you! So this weekend – the week after the Kentucky Derby – Trump managed to create a trifecta of pissing off three countries at once! And those countries are Isreal, Syria, and Palestine – countries whose bad side you do not want to get on! So how did Palestine mark this momentous occasion?

The US officially relocated its Embassy to Jerusalem on Monday, formally upending decades of American foreign policy in a move that was met with clashes and protests along the Israeli-Gaza border.

At least 43 Palestinians were killed in Gaza as deadly protests took place ahead of and during the ceremony in Jerusalem — making it the deadliest day there since the 2014 Gaza war.

President Donald Trump did not attend the ceremony in Jerusalem's Arnona neighborhood, but in a video message broadcast at the event he congratulated Israel, saying the opening had been "a long time coming."
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/14/politics/jerusalem-us-embassy-trump-intl/index.html




So of course while patting himself on the back for a job well done of pissing off half the world while pleasing his “base”, Donald Trump seems to forget that he’s going to get a whole lot of people killed in the process. There goes that Nobel Peace Prize!

Israel is bracing for a tense week as the U.S. Embassy officially opens in Jerusalem on Monday — a move that has triggered fierce protests by Palestinians. Protests turned violent in Gaza, where dozens of Palestinians were killed by Israeli soldiers in clashes along the border fence on Monday, according to the Health Ministry in Gaza, making it the bloodiest day of demonstrations in the past six weeks of protests.

Overall, over 80 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli soldiers and more than 3,000 have been injured since the embassy move was announced by President Trump in early December.

Observers of the conflict had already predicted the tensions when Trump recognized Jerusalem as Israel’s capital and announced the move. At the time, the decision was branded “dangerous,” “catastrophic,” “irresponsible” and being “against international law” by countries usually considered U.S. allies, including France, Germany and Saudi Arabia.

Here’s a short recap of how we got to this point, which helps make clear why most other foreign governments are opposed to the embassy move.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/world/wp/2018/05/14/trumps-embassy-move-to-jerusalem-is-controversial-these-3-maps-explain-why/?utm_term=.32cfca59227e



You know it’s a policy here not to joke about tragedy. But when the guy who you currently call “president” is a walking tragedy and everything he touches turns to shit, exceptions have to be made, damn it! It’s good to know Trump has some company in high places because when the rapture does happen, he’s going to need to seek shelter fast!

The U.S. today officially opened its new embassy in Jerusalem amid massive protests by Palestinians.

The move comes five months after President Donald Trump made his blockbuster announcement in December that the U.S. embassy would shift from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

The new diplomatic office, in what was an existing U.S. consular building, was opened in a ceremony led by U.S. Ambassador to Israel David Friedman and attended by Israeli and American officials.

The day has also been marked by violence, with dozens of Palestinians killed by Israeli military forces and more than 1,600 injured in protests at the Gaza border against the embassy move, according to the Gaza Ministry of Health.

https://abcnews.go.com/International/us-embassy-set-open-jerusalem-netanyahu-praises-trump/story?id=55137896




And those men are currently running the show! And when this gets written up 50 years after nuclear Armageddon happens, assuming there’s something left of humanity, historians are not going to be surprised how we get to this point. I mean with friends like these, who needs enemies?

President Trump delivered recorded remarks Monday at the opening of the new U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem.

"Congratulations, it's been a long time coming," Trump said in a video played at the ceremony.

"This city and this entire nation is a testament to the unbreakable spirit of the Jewish people," he said. "The United States will always be a great friend of Israel."

The president went on to express his hope for peace in the region in the video message.

"We extend a hand in friendship to Israel, to Palestinians and to all of their neighbors. May there be peace. May God bless this embassy. May God bless all who serve there, and may God bless the United States of America," Trump said.
http://thehill.com/policy/international/387554-trump-delivers-recorded-remarks-at-us-embassy-opening-in-jerusalem




So the answer to world peace is… more war? How does that… oh fuck, it’s the Trump administration we’re talking about here! Attempting to question their logic could make one’s head explode! But it’s good to know those who fantasize about the apocalypse might actually get a chance to see it played out in real life. They do know Left Behind is fiction, right?

More than 20 people in Gaza were dead on Monday before anyone in Washington had had their breakfast. This was pitched to the awakening nation as a series of “deadly clashes,” even though the deadly part only applied to one side. It was a great start to a day in which the president*, who doesn’t know anything about anything, prepared to toss a lighted match into a lagoon of gasoline in the Middle East.

The decision to move the American embassy in Israel to Jerusalem is more unnecessary than it is stupid and dangerous, and it’s pretty stupid and dangerous. There was no overwhelming political support—and certainly no overwhelming political pressure—in this country for such a provocative development. It was solely the desire of that odd mixture of highly conservative Judaism and American splinter Protestantism, of the prolonged slow-dance between the apocalyptic factions of two major monotheisms that very likely will incite the apocalyptic faction of the third. It is religious extremism disguised as international diplomacy.
https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a20681623/trump-jerusalem-embassy/





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[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


From: Idiots #2-20

This week on Cake Boss, we’re going to the king of cakes. The sultan of sugar (Sultan Of Sugar, by the way, saw them at the Troub last week, great show!). I’m of course talking about the best cake in the land – the chocolate cake with a very drab scoop of ice cream that’s served at Mar-A-Lago. Why it’s good enough to feed visiting dignitaries and Trump’s fat ass! And we don’t even have to make this one!

Recounting details about his decision to launch missile strikes on a Syrian air base last week, President Donald Trump took several moments during a Fox Business interview that aired Wednesday morning to enthuse about the "most beautiful" chocolate cake he enjoyed at his Palm Beach resort with Chinese President Xi Jinping. Trump was entertaining the Chinese leader at Mar-a-Lago when he ordered the military strike.

"I was sitting at the table, we had finished dinner," Trump told Fox Business host Maria Bartiromo. "We're now having dessert—and we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen—and President Xi was enjoying it."

Bartiromo then said it was "brilliant" that the missiles were "unmanned."

"It's so incredible. It's brilliant," Trump agreed.

Then Trump appeared to momentarily forget which country the United States had attacked last week, naming Iraq instead of Syria.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/04/trump-syria-chocolate-cake-mar-a-lago




Because what’s an internet show without some cat memes? I mean come on seriously people! But how good was the cake at Mar-A-Lago? Why it’s good enough to make world leaders forget which country they sent cruise missiles to! Ha ha ha! But how good is a piece of cake really worth? And what does it look like? Well here’s a real, unaltered image!



Doesn’t that look tasty? I mean it just screams class! I’ve made better looking cakes than that, and I’m not exactly what one would call a “professional chef”. But really folks, there’s got to be an underlying motive here, doesn’t there? I mean doesn’t there?

Unsafe seafood. Insufficiently refrigerated meats. Rusty shelving. Cooks without hairnets.

Reports show Florida health inspectors cited President Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort with 15 violations in late January, days before the U.S. leader hosted Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe for a diplomatic visit.

Still, the state inspectors allowed the luxury resort's main restaurant and beach club grill to remain open as staff scrambled to make several immediate corrections.

Among the "high priority" problems described as "potentially hazardous" were faulty fridges with meats stored well above the required 41 degrees Fahrenheit. For example, in the restaurant's walk-in cooler, the duck and beef were measured at 50 degrees, while a ham was at 57 degrees.

Other issues included smoked salmon being served without undergoing "proper parasite destruction" and a hand washing sink for employees with water that was not hot enough.

Stephen Lawson, spokesman for the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation, said the violations were the result of a routine inspection and not prompted by any consumer complaints or food-borne illnesses.
http://www.latimes.com/nation/nationnow/la-na-trump-mar-a-lago-health-violations-20170413-story.html




Oh and it gets so much worse from there ladies and gentlemen! Smoked salmon is great, but smoked salmon without proper parasite destruction? WTF are they serving? Mold in the ice machine?

The January inspections were not the first time authorities have found problems at Mar-a-Lago. Over the last three years, records show the club has been cited 78 times for violations that included chefs handling food without washing their hands, dirty cutting boards, a slicer "soiled with old food debris" and an "accumulation of "black/green mold-like substance" in the ice machine.




And in fact there were over 13 violations in the kitchen alone! So if you’re going to Mar-A-Lago, don’t hesitate to bring your own food! Although, I’m sure President Trump would hate that. Because after all, he serves the best food at Mar-A-Lago and Trump properties all over the world! But at least you can have cake, which is what Marie Antionette would have wanted.

Inspectors reportedly found multiple health code violations at President Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Fla., only days prior to the visit of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

According to a report by the Miami Herald, the inspectors found 13 violations in the resort's kitchen, including undercooled meat and dangerous fish.

The inspectors deemed three of the violations to be “high priority,” which means that they could cause the presence of bacteria on dining room plates.

The state inspectors' latest evaluation of Mar-a-Lago on Jan. 26 revealed that the club's kitchen did not did meet minimum Florida standards.

The inspectors specifically noted the issues with the club's raw or undercooked fish, two of the club’s coolers that were too warm, and other minor violations.
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/328612-multiple-health-code-violations-found-in-mar-a-lago-kitchen

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


From: Idiots #1-36

So for this entry we got to talk about how to *NOT* design a campaign logo. Especially one that will be the butt of jokes of the internet. It didn’t even last a day, people! A fucking day! Of course cry baby Donald Trump is going to remove it when this happens. But before we get into some of the more creative logos, can we show the original please? Let’s throw that up there.



Not too bad until you see that Beavis heartily endorses this logo.





And then wait until you see what Samantha Bee did with it:






Come on even the guy who designed the logo is no fan of Trumpenfuror by any means! I mean come on, and I will post some cringe-worthy excerpts from the Wired article on the Trumppence Logo:

Graphic designers are no more or less biased than any other human being. And that colors how they see things. The trick is to penetrate those predilections. “If I didn’t hate this man with such an intense passion and pleasure, and if I didn’t think this Pence guy was somebody we should never have to hear from, I would say that the logo was pretty distinctive,” says renowned design critic Steven Heller. “It’s not bad. And it’s certainly better than the logo he was using before.”

Vit, too, acknowledges his prejudice, even as he tries to poke holes in it. “I’m not, by any means, a fan of Donald Trump,” he says, noting that it’s hard to disassociate all the nasty things Trump says from this new symbol. “Even if Trump’s campaign came up with the best logo ever,” he says, “I’d find something negative to say about it.”
http://www.wired.com/2016/07/ins-outs-new-trump-pence-logo/




I mean the logo didn’t even last a fucking day! Where’s your sense of respecting our leaders? Oh wait this guy who wants to be leader has respect for um, absolutely nobody!

Looks like the Trump-Pence campaign had a little talk with the graphic designer.

After a logo went out Friday that combined the T from Donald Trump’s last name and the P from Mike Pence’s name in an embrace, a lot of people questioned the positioning of the letters.

On Saturday during a speech introducing the Indiana governor as his official vice president (though it took quite some time for Pence to actually make it on the stage) the logo was noticeably missing.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/07/16/trump-pence-logo-republican-president-vice-president/87179386/


Can we throw the new logo up there?



Off to a great start guys! Really bravo well done!



By the way, GQ hilariously speculates how that horrible logo could have reared its’ ugly head:

People have wondered how a logo this terrible could happen. I imagine it went something like this:

GRAPHIC DESIGNER: "Okay, Mr. Trump, I have the final logo. It's simple. It takes what works about your current logo and just adds Pence's name."

TRUMP: Great. Just what I asked for.

The designer pulls up a logo.
http://www.gq.com/story/trump-pence-logo-design


“Yeah well… logo designers and graphic artists are stupid losers. See I need a logo that appeals to me, as well as appeals to Fox News viewers. What? You mean Roger Ailes is under indictment for sexual harassment? Shit.”


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[font size="8"]Infowars And Goop
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From: Idiots #3-5

You know we were on break last week, but I couldn’t love this next story more! Hey everybody! It’s time to open up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network!



Yes thank you fellow shoppers! We go live to the floor! So what do we have this week? Well, a blog based in Australia discovered something shocking about two drastically different websites.
On the left – you have celebrity lifestyle guru Gwenyth Paltrow’s venerable GOOP blog which hawks insane items like the Jade Egg and butthole steaming aimed at well, people with way more money than they do brains. On the right is psycho pundit Alex Jones’ venerable Infowars blog which hawks doomsday prepper merchandise aimed at today’s active deplorables. Let’s explore this further.

Near the end of a profile of Amanda Chantal Bacon, founder of the “wellness” brand Moon Juice, the New York Times Magazine noted that many of the alternative-medicine ingredients in her products are sold—with very different branding—on the Infowars store. That’s the site run by Alex Jones, the radio show host and conspiracy theorist who has said that both the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School and the Boston Marathon bombing were staged. Moon Juice is frequently recommended by Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness blog, Goop; it’s a favorite of Hollywood celebrities and others who can afford things like $25 “activated cashews.” Infowars, on the other hand, is a dark corner of the American right, heavy on guns, light on government intervention, and still very mad at Obama.

We at Quartz have created a compendium, from Ashwagandha to zizyphus, of the magical healing ingredients both sides of the political spectrum are buying, and how they are presented to each. We looked at the ingredients used in products sold on the Infowars store, and compared them to products on the wellness shops Moon Juice and Goop. All make similar claims about the health benefits of these ingredients, but what gets called “Super Male Vitality” by Infowars is branded as “Sex Dust” by Moon Juice.
https://qz.com/1010684/all-the-wellness-products-american-love-to-buy-are-sold-on-both-infowars-and-goop/




Because GOOP will sell just about anything. Now here’s where it gets weird! As was said in the article – what GOOP calls “sex dust”, Infowars calls “Super Male Vitality”. I mean it’s absolutely insane what they can sell – and anyone will buy it!!! So here’s what is behind door #1:

Nikhil Sonnad at Quartz noted in an article yesterday that many of the same pseudoscientific products that are sold on Gwyneth Paltrow‘s website Goop are also being sold on Alex Jones‘ shop at Infowars.

And they said liberals and conservatives had nothing in common…

There are lots of examples of the same useless products marketed to the different audiences. None of them will truly help anybody. All of them cost far more than anyone should be paying for them.

But should we really be surprised by this? When you’re incapable of critical thinking, and you’re influenced by anecdotes instead of evidence, and when you don’t care what scientists and experts have to say, you can be duped into believing whatever people want you to believe. Jones wants you to believe his conspiracy theories and Paltrow wants women to stick jade eggs in their vaginas.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/06/30/infowars-and-goop-sell-the-same-products-because-their-audiences-are-irrational/




That’s right – the website that hawks the jade egg has something in common with the website that sells you body armor, water filters, and other doomsday prepper merch. Hey if there’s one thing everyone has in common is that we get sold the same bullshit, am I right? Well let’s show you just a few of the items you can buy all for low, low prices! All it takes is a phone and a credit card today! Here’s what is behind door number one – brain food!

Bacopa

Also an Ayurvedic herb, said to reduce stress, improve memory, and treat epilepsy, among other purported benefits. Goop uses bacopa in a supplement pack called “Why am I so Effing Tired;” Infowars sticks it in its “Brain Force Plus.” The science, based on animal studies, shows some preliminary—but contradictory—evidence of improvements to memory and brain function. There is minimal support for the claims about epilepsy and anxiety.

Goop: Why am I so effing tired

Formulated with a variety of vitamins (including a high dose of the B’s) and supplements—many sourced from ancient Ayurveda—this helps re-balance an overtaxed system. Replenishing the nutrients you may be lacking may improve energy levels and diminish stress.

Infowars: Brain Force Plus

Top scientists and researchers agree: we are being hit by toxic weapons in the food and water supply that are making us fat, sick, and stupid. It’s time to fight back with Brain Force Plus, the next generation of advanced neural activation.





And here’s what is behind door number two! Immuno bullshit!

Cordyceps mushroom

Another obscure fungus, this one used in traditional Chinese medicine. It is purported to “increase immune function,” act as a natural aphrodisiac, and improve stamina. According to Goop, it’s “an important Yang tonic,” which means it provides “masculine energy.” There is some preliminary evidence for the immune system thing, but other claims are unproven. Goop sells cordyceps as a dietary supplement; Infowars infuses them into its “Wake Up America” coffee.

Goop: Sun Potion

Organic, USA-grown cordyceps mushroom and is [sic] an important Yang tonic. May support the oxygenation of the whole body, mental power, muscle tone, sexual energy, and immune function. Mix 1/2 teaspoon (2 grams) in warm water or tea 1-2 times daily. Great added to soups, smoothies, raw chocolate, and anytime you are looking to activate fortitude, sensuality, and endurance.

Infowars: Wake Up America Immune Support Blend 100% Organic Coffee

Certain strands of mushroom such as Cordyceps and Reishi have a history of medicinal use spanning millennia in countries such as China, Tibet, and Japan. Throughout history these are [sic] some of the most expensive herbal raw materials in the world. Only recently has western medicine begun to research all the potential medical benefits of medicinal mushrooms. The cutting-edge Wake Up America! Immune Support Blend brings ancient Asian wisdom together with modern technology.


And finally behind door #3 – herbal bullshit!

Eyebright herb

The two sides of our herbal medicine spectrum seem to have come to different conclusions about what “eyebright” does for the eyes. Infowars sells it in a supplement called “Occu Power,” which makes your eyes “healthy.” Goop sells it as an ingredient in eye makeup. There is no scientific evidence for its purported eye health benefits.

Goop: Vapour Beauty’s Mesmerize Eye Shimmer

This is a sheer, modern wash of gleamy color that’s as brilliant all over the lid as it is when used as a translucent, smoky touch of liner. Made with organic chrysanthemum, eyebright, and horsetail herb—the blend is Vapour’s famous Herbal Eyebright complex—the creamy stick is hydrating and packed with antioxidants to treats [sic] the delicate eye area, soothing inflammation and stimulating circulation.

Infowars: Occu Power

Occu-Power by Infowars Life is a new formulation specifically designed to nutritionally assist the natural function of healthy eyes. Arguably the most important sense, sight is the primary input to the brain. Combining key ingredients like astaxanthin, lutein, and Eyebright herb extract, Occu-Power is a long awaited ‘super formula’ now available exclusively through the Infowars Life line.






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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Micro Cheating
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From: Idiots #5-5

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!



If you’re in a relationship, whether it’s a short term relationship or a long term relationship, or you’re married or single, you probably don’t think about the number of ways that relationship could end. But as it turns out, it could end way faster than you would think. Because as new science and research has pointed out, there’s plenty of possible ways a relationship could end. This is the new concept and phenomenon known as “micro cheating”. Here’s how this is defined.

Have you heard about the latest trendy term that's sparking quite an uproar on the Internet? It is yet another form of cheating we should all be informed about, no matter your relationship status. And while the last thing I want to be is the bearer of bad news, I encourage you to keep reading so you, too, can be well-versed on the ins and outs of micro-cheating.

So what exactly is micro-cheating?

Australian psychologist and consultant Melanie Schilling recently defined micro-cheating as "a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship."

According to Schilling, this form of infidelity essentially stems from secrecy and deception. It ultimately comes down to trivial behaviors that might indicate your partner is no longer totally committed to your relationship.

Or, as Urban Dictionary defined this term back in 2008: "when someone cheats on a partner, but just a little bit."
https://www.popsugar.com/love/What-Micro-Cheating-44506759




But is it creeping? Is it cheating? Or is it a combination of the above? Most likely it is a combination of all of the above. But you could be cheating and not know it. In fact there’s a whole list of warning signs of the possibility of micro cheating. Apparently you could be guilty of it and not know it.

It's called "micro-cheating": the small, seemingly innocuous acts of flirtation that don't necessary qualify as cheating but might be considered a little sketchy by your partner.

Many of us have experienced flirtatious relationships with friends and never acted on them sexually. Are these friendships signs of infidelity? Should you be worried if your significant other is attracted to someone else? Or could a little harmless flirtation actually be good for your relationship?

Flirtation is normal, sex therapist Tammy Nelson said. "Why shut down your natural feelings of attraction for someone just because you are in a monogamous relationship with someone else?" she asked. "You might be married, but you're not dead."

A flirty friendship could help feed the flames of your relationship, but it depends on the couple. "In some cases, flirting outside the relationship enhances the primary relationship, and in other cases, it siphons energy from the primary relationship," marriage and family therapist Nicolle Zapien explained. The key is to know your partner and to communicate about the friendship before it becomes a problem in your relationship.
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/27/health/flirty-friend-relationship-sex-kerner/index.html




This is where you might start to actually question whether or not this is a thing. Seriously, if you think about it – James Bond is a notorious micro cheater. Especially on Moneypenny. But how do you know, would you believe there are warning signs? Why yes there are warning signs!

We spend a lot of time with our colleagues. In fact, we probably spend more time with the people we work with than almost anyone else. Since you're likely also surrounded by people you have things in common with, it's not all that surprising that people fall in love at work.

Proximity is a funny thing. Research has found it takes around 200 hours for people to become close friends, because the more time you spend with someone, the more chance their positive and attractive qualities shine through. This is fine for people who are single, but if you're in a monogamous relationship and you start having feelings for someone at work, things can get messy.

In some cases, a work spouse relationship is born, where you share the trials and tribulations of the workplace with each other, have lunch together, and emotionally depend on one another. In other cases, the people involved may not have put strong boundaries in place, and they can start to behave inappropriately.

Monogamy is hard, according to Tammy Nelson, a consultant sex therapist for adult infidelity dating site Ashley Madison.
https://www.thisisinsider.com/are-you-falling-in-love-with-your-colleague-2018-7




Yes, monogamy is hard, although somehow we think Ashley Madison may not be the best person to ask on this subject. That would be like asking Trump about his love of fine dining. So apparently you can subtly cheat on your partner without knowing it. Even cheating on social media is still cheating.

Cheating: it's nothing new. It's the subject of some of the most popular books, TV shows and movies in America. Media typically depicts cheating as physical affairs, but WSFA recently spoke with a relationship expert about a different kind of beast.

"Micro-cheating" is on the rise, and it's a term for a series of seemingly small actions partners can do that could have whispers of infidelity— without even being physically unfaithful. This can include flirtatiously texting or messaging another person on social media. Thanks to online dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, it’s easier to connect with others, including people in committed relationships.

Reporter Rosanna Smith talked to Montgomery counselor Sandra Segall about the dangers of micro-cheating for couples, and the signs they should look for to know their significant other is being unfaithful, but we decided to dive deeper. We wanted to know what the third party, the person being cheated with, should do in the situation.

The obvious answer is, of course, to not get involved with someone in a committed relationship, and Segall, a licensed professional counselor, said as much, advising the person to find out if the person they are talking to is in a relationship before messaging them flirtatiously or dating them. According to the Associated Press and the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 22 percent of men say that they've cheated on their significant other at least once during their marriage, and 14 percent of wives admit to it.
http://www.wsfa.com/story/38516396/what-to-do-when-you-find-out-youre-the-other-person-in-a-cheating-relationship




So apparently James Bond cheats all the time. In fact Bond cheats so much his cheats have their own cheats. It’s cheating inception. But apparently even the so-called “experts” think this is 100% grade A bullshit:

Staying up to snuff on all of the newest dating trends and terminology can be super tricky, especially when it comes to certain gray areas that can be particularly hard to universally define, like micro-cheating. Upon first hearing the phrase used, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Even after one of my friends broke it down for me, I still found myself wondering, what is micro-cheating actually? And if it is what I think it is, is it really a legitimate form of infidelity? Well, the short answer is, it totally depends.

"Micro-cheating is inappropriate sexual flirtation via social media from someone who's already in a relationship, NYC relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. "And, it may also be an in-person office flirtation that remains verbal, rather than physical."

However, the reason micro-cheating is not a black and white issue is because not everyone defines inappropriate behavior in the same way. Some people consider flirting with other people to be OK in certain situations as long as it doesn't turn into anything physical, or emotional. Oftentimes in relationships, partners don't take the time to specifically define behavior they would consider to be a breach of trust. According to Anita A. Chlipala, a dating expert and licensed marriage therapist, by not having conversations about what each one of us feels is or isn't OK, space is left open for a partner to make assumptions that may not be accurate.
https://www.elitedaily.com/p/what-is-micro-cheating-experts-explain-whether-not-this-really-counts-as-infidelity-9445074




So even the experts aren’t exactly clear on what this is. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.




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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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From: Idiots #6-3

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Las Vegas! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Have a seat please! And give it up for our gospel choir, how great are they? You know… I have just returned from Washington DC. This week there was an event that the religious right of America felt the need to have their voices heard. Which is their right under GAWD that they can do that. So what has the fundamentalists’ underwear in a wad? Why are they going so nuts over this one topic that they need to hold their OWN march? Well let’s take a look at what actually happened last week that got lost in the headlines!

Conservative radio host Ben Shapiro said Friday at the annual March for Life rally in Washington, D.C., that "no pro-life person would kill baby Hitler" because "baby Hitler was a baby," with the comments quickly going viral on social media.

“The argument, I guess here, is that would you kill baby Hitler?” Shapiro said in answering a question that appeared to be submitted online during a live broadcast at the anti-abortion rally.

“And the truth is that no pro-life person on earth would kill baby Hitler, because baby Hitler wasn’t Hitler, adult Hitler was Hitler. Baby Hitler was a baby," he continued.

"What you presumably want to do with baby Hitler is take baby Hitler out of baby Hitler’s house and move baby Hitler into a better house where he would not grow up to be Hitler, right? That’s the idea.”

The hashtag #BabyHitler began trending on Twitter not long after the comments on Friday afternoon, drawing the ire of mostly liberals on the platform.
https://thehill.com/homenews/media/426100-ben-shapiro-at-march-for-life-rally-no-pro-life-person-would-kill-baby-hitler


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Yes. You know what? Let’s play the clip because it’s quite spectacular:



Now you know, my fair congregation, it says that in the Good Book that murder is illegal! But… that hasn’t stopped the Baby Hitler debate. In fact if you take a look at some past clips, judging on the actions of this weekend, well, they haven’t aged well.







So there you go, the very idea that murdering Baby Hitler has been the subject of some rather interesting debate. But the debate over killing Baby Hitler is actually pretty toxic for sponsors – they really don’t want anything to do with it.

Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro has now lost two sponsors of his podcast after a live recording at an anti-abortion rally in which he read advertisements out to the crowd and also mulled over the philosophical dilemma of killing “baby Hitler.”

Calm, a sleep and meditation phone app, became the second company to drop its sponsorship of Shapiro after the right-wing host appeared before thousands of abortion opponents during Friday’s March for Life rally in Washington, D.C.

“We do not align with this message,” the company posted on Twitter. “We’re pulling our sponsorship.”

Earlier Friday night, another brand, the toothbrush maker Quip, told HuffPost it was ending its sponsorship of Shapiro’s podcast over the ad readings.

“Our mission is to make good oral health more accessible to everyone, and podcast advertising is one way we’re able to realize this,” Quip said in a statement. “However, following one of our ads being read in a venue we did not endorse, we have chosen to discontinue our advertising relationship with this show. We are also taking steps to ensure all of our advertising partners are aligned with our oral health mission and values.”

Right Wing Watch reporter Jared Holt first drew attention to the ad readouts during an appearance that had already made news over Shapiro’s “baby Hitler” moment.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/another-sponsor-just-dropped-ben-shapiro-after-his-bizarre-march-for-life-appearance_us_5c434e23e4b027c3bbc23d12




But while this is a touchy subject for advertisers, it’s apparently a touchy subject for Mr. Shapiro himself because thanks to his anti-abortion views, he wouldn’t kill Baby Hitler because… he’s a baby. That’s sound logic there!

Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro, appearing Friday as the keynote speaker of the annual March for Life on the National Mall in Washington, shared with his audience a head-scratching scenario about abortion and Adolf Hitler.

“The argument, I guess here, would you kill baby Hitler?” he started off, in a clip posted to Twitter. “And the truth is that no pro-life person on earth would kill baby Hitler. Because baby Hitler wasn’t Hitler — adult Hitler was Hitler. Baby Hitler was a baby.”

Shapiro, who is Jewish, offered a suggestion: “What you presumably want to do with baby Hitler is take baby Hitler out of baby Hitler’s house and move baby Hitler into a better house, where he would not grow up to be Hitler.”

The crowd erupted into applause as the clip closed.

Shapiro, a prominent supporter of the pro-life movement, appeared to be making his remarks as part of his popular podcast, HuffPost reported.
https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/ben-shapiro-i-wouldn-t-kill-baby-hitler-1.6852105




By the way let’s hear it for my gospel choir. How great are they? Can I get an amen??? Anyone remember a few years ago when Pat Robertson had that clip about the mom who lost a baby to miscarriage and then he justified it? Let’s play that!



Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOO! Boo indeed. So they’re conflicted on the message TO THIS DAY in case you can’t tell! And by the way in case you’re wondering if there really is a Baby Hitler out there, well here’s your answer!

A Neo-Nazi couple who named their child after Adolf Hitler are facing jail after they were found guilty of belonging to a banned terrorist organisation.

Adam Thomas, 22, and his girlfriend, Claudia Patatas, 38, were convicted of being members of the far-right organisation National Action, which was outlawed in 2016.

Birmingham Crown Court heard the pair gave their baby the middle name “Adolf”, which self-confessed racist Thomas told jurors was done in “admiration” for the leader of Nazi Germany.

A third defendant - a prominent member of National Action's Midlands chapter, Daniel Bogunovic, 27, of Leicester, was also convicted on Monday following the seven-week trial.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/national-action-baby-adolf-hitler-terror-guilty-nazi-court-patatas-a8629846.html




So there really is a real Baby Hitler out there! Raised by Neo Nazis at that! Well, there’s a test for this debate right now! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Pizzagate
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From: Idiots #5-4

Spin it! And it lands on… Food! Of course I’m in Austin, what better way of getting to know the city better than sampling the local flare? Which of course is barbecue, and we brought in some great local catering. Let’s check it out – I’ve got brisket, sausage, pulled pork, baked beans and potato salad. Wow, good shit!



Man you gotta love smoked meat. Not that kind of smoked meat, sir! Austin you guys are awesome! All right spin it again! And it lands on… Beating A Dead Horse!



You know conservatives, you really got to let this Pizzagate thing go! You already shot up Comet Ping Pong in Washington, DC trying to prove it, and you also got kicked out of the same restaurant videotaping children’s birthday parties in a creepy stalker manner. And you also got to accept that you don’t really care about children, especially if you advocate that they get separated from their parents at the border! The sooner you face your denial, the better! But nope, this bullshit continues to be a thing despite getting called a hoax time and time again. And for the purposes of comedy, all of our funny memes and clips will be replaced with images of cheese pizza. Because we care! And Trump loving conservatives apparently get off on that sort of thing.

Larry Klayman, the founder of the right-wing organizations Judicial Watch and Freedom Watch, appeared on a YouTube podcast called “Crowdsource the Truth” this afternoon. The show, hosted by Jason Goodman, is an established outlet for conspiracy theories on YouTube and has published content related to Pizzagate, QAnon and other conspiracy theories that accuse public officials of pedophilia.

Klayman first met on camera with Goodman earlier this year and has become a somewhat frequent guest on Goodman’s program ever since that meeting. Klayman has also appeared as a guest on other conspiracy theory propaganda sites including Infowars and otherwise can be seen with some frequency on Newsmax TV.

Klayman explained to Goodman, “I’m not interested in getting on Fox News. First of all, I can’t say what I want to say on Fox News because it’s censored to some extent. That’s why I like being on with you, and being on Newsmax, and like being on Infowars, because I can say it straight up.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/judicial-watch-founder-tells-pizzagate-podcast-that-the-clintons-had-people-killed/




Yeah sure, right. Keep talking guys – everything you say is worse than what came before it. And this wasn’t the only Pizzagate related story that’s been brought up lately.

Adherents to the “QAnon” conspiracy theory and former “Pizzagate” truthers who have alleged that President Trump is secretly working behind the scenes to dismantle a global network of satanic child sex traffickers believe a new press release from the Department of Justice has validated their wild conspiracy theories.

Yesterday, the Department of Justice issued a press release announcing the arrest of more than 2,300 “suspected online child sex offenders.” The DOJ statement reads:

The Department of Justice today announced the arrest of more than 2,300 suspected online child sex offenders during a three-month, nationwide, operation conducted by Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) task forces. The task forces identified 195 offenders who either produced child pornography or committed child sexual abuse, and 383 children who suffered recent, ongoing, or historical sexual abuse or production of child pornography.

The operation targeted suspects who: (1) produce, distribute, receive and possess child pornography; (2) engage in online enticement of children for sexual purposes; (3) engage in the sex trafficking of children; and (4) travel across state lines or to foreign countries and sexually abuse children.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/former-pizzagate-and-current-qanon-believers-say-the-doj-has-validated-them/




OK for those you keeping score at home – actual sexual abuse, physical abuse, human trafficking, and child sex crimes committed by ICE, they’re perfectly fine with. But let’s keep investigating those fake child sex crimes that so far have not existed! And then there’s our favorite whack a doodle conspiracy theorist, Liz Cronkin. Who definitely isn’t helping!

On Saturday, “journalist” and fringe right-wing conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin posted a video on YouTube in which she celebrated that President Trump had supposedly confirmed that “Pizzgate is real.”

“Pizzagate” is a right-wing conspiracy theory that alleges that thousands of highly influential politicians, entertainers, and business leaders are part of a global pedophile ring and Crokin asserted that Trump “trolled” the Illuminati by using a Cabinet meeting last month to confirm that the conspiracy theory is actually true.

Proponents of the conspiracy theory allege that members of this massive pedophile ring use code words like “pizza” and “hot dogs” when discussing their pedophilia and Crokin noted that Office of Management & Budget Director Mick Mulvaney had used these very words during a Cabinet meeting while railing against what he sees as overbearing government regulations.

“If you have a cheese pizza, it’s governed by the Food & Drug Administration. If you put a pepperoni on it, it’s governed by the USDA,” Mulvaney said. “The hot dog meat is governed by one; you put it in a bun, it’s governed by the other.”

“What I do love about President Trump is that he trolls the Illuminati and the deep state and the cabal,” Crokin said in reaction to Mulvaney’s statement. “He trolls them with their own words and symbols and it’s hilarious.”

Mulvaney’s use of cheese pizza and hot dogs in his example “was a thousand percent a troll,” Crokin declared. “President Trump and his staffers are constantly trolling the deep state … That’s President Trump’s way of letting you know that Pizzagate is real and it’s not fake. He’s constantly using their words against them and throwing it in their face and God bless him, it’s amazing.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/liz-crokin-trump-has-confirmed-that-pizzgate-is-real/




You know it’s like playing a fucked up game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree and Kevin Bacon is a Satanic pedophile! Does that image of cheese pizza turn you on Liz? I had leftover cheese pizza for lunch yesterday, actual cheese pizza. It is not a metaphor, you sick fucking lunatics!! Or is it?

Jack Posobiec, now a contributor at One America News, played a central role in promoting the so-called “Pizzagate” hoax that resulted in a man entering a Washington pizza restaurant and firing a gun as part of a supposed rescue mission of children whom he had been convinced were hidden beneath the building. Now, Posobiec is trying to rewrite history.

Pizzagate was a hoax that captured the imaginations of right-wing conspiracy mongers online toward at the end of the 2016 election. Proprietors of Pizzagate cited a hodgepodge of hacked John Podesta emails, screenshots of the restaurant’s menu, Instagram posts by the owner, and other random bits to build up the laughably untrue claim that Hillary Clinton and top members of the DNC were sex-trafficking children via an elaborate tunnel system beneath Washington. The conspiracy theory was spread by figures like self-described “New Right” pundit Mike Cernovich, Infowars’ Alex Jones, pedophilia-obsessed conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin, far-right YouTuber Brittany Pettibone, Posobiec and various anonymous users inhabiting the culverts on 4Chan and 8Chan.

In the last couple of weeks, Posobiec has been claiming with increased frequency that he actually “debunked” Pizzagate. He’s now declaring that Pizzagate was a hoax (which is obviously correct) and has accused former Fox News host Megyn Kelly of lying about his role in spreading the conspiracy during a Fox News segment. Posobiec has made his debunking claims for months, but something seems to have inspired him to restate his claims in recent weeks. These recent reiterations have earned him the ire of pundits like Crokin, who still believe the hoax.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jack-posobiec-is-lying-about-his-pizzagate-past/





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[font size="8"]Explaining Jokes To Idiots
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From: Idiots #5-1

It’s time for our new segment:



And there’s plenty of them this week. As well as stuff we’ve missed in the two weeks that we’ve been gone. But mainly I want to start this segment with the rock band NOFX – yeah they are friends of the show since we had them on last season. But they shot themselves in the foot. No not quite literally there, good sir, with a joke about the Las Vegas shooting that was in extremely poor taste:

In the same week that television personalities Roseanne Barr and Samantha Bee were swept up in a wave of social media outrage, a Bay Area punk band with a long history of behaving badly has found itself in a swirl of controversy in a new socially conscious era.

NOFX is facing backlash after making an offhand joke during its set at the Punk Rock Bowling and Music Festival in Las Vegas on Sunday, May 27, referencing the mass shooting in October at the Route 91 Harvest Festival, also in Las Vegas, that killed 58 and injured nearly 500.

“We played a song about Muslims and we didn’t get shot! Hooray!” frontman “Fat Mike” Burkett said in low-resolution video clips from the performance that were shared on social media. His bandmate Eric Melvin replied, “I guess you’re only getting shot in Vegas if you’re a country band.”

“I mean, that sucked,” Burkett added. “But at least they were country fans and not punk rock fans.”
https://www.sfchronicle.com/entertainment/article/Punk-band-NOFX-faces-backlash-after-onstage-joke-12960954.php




Yeah that happened. Now before you boo – wait for it – the follow up was even worse than the initial dialogue between Fat Mike and Melvin:

According to TMZ, after they finished a song, frontman Fat Mike said, "We played a song about Muslims and we didn't get shot. Hooray."

The site says another band member responded to that saying, "I guess you only get shot in Vegas if you are in a country band."

But it didn't end there. "That [the massacre] sucked, but at least they were country fans and no punk rock fans."

Audience members can be heard groaning on a video posted on social media, then one of the band members said, "You were all thinking it."

Fifty-eight people lost their lives on October 1, 2017, when Stephen Paddock fired a hail of bullets from a Mandalay Bay suite into the Route 91 Harvest Festival, headlined by country star Jason Aldean. Over 500 others were injured.

Local radio hosts Dave & Mahoney from X1075, who play the band's music, called the comments "disgusting and callous." They said they no longer will support their music.
http://cbs6albany.com/news/entertainment/rock-band-nofx-on-vegas-mass-shooting-at-least-they-were-country-fans




OK now you can boo!!! Here’s the thing Fat Mike – we know your band says some shit that may border on insensitive and we’re OK with that. But here’s what we’re not OK with – no we’re not thinking that. I mean that is the opposite of what we were thinking And the fallout was even worse than the joke.

Less than a day after controversial comments made by California punk band NOFX at a Las Vegas punk festival made headlines, Stone Brewing has pulled out of a sponsorship deal with the band.

The Escondido brewery's cancelation of the partnership comes following several statements by NOFX band members onstage at Punk Rock Bowling and Music Festival on Sunday night. Most notably, band frontman "Fat" Mike Burkett seemingly attempted to make light of a horrifying shooting at a Las Vegas country concert last October that killed 58 and injured nearly 500 by saying, "at least they were country fans and not punk rock fans."

On Wednesday evening, Stone Brewing publicly canceled their "Punk in Drublic" sponsorship deal with NOFX, which had included a collaboration beer and a slew of nationally touring music and beer festivals.

The statement reads, in part:

"We at Stone Brewing are aware of NOFX's insensitive and indefensible statements this past weekend. As a result, we are severing all our ties with NOFX, including festival sponsorship and the production of our collaboration beer. We respect punk rock, and the DIY ethos for which it stands. To us, it means standing up for things you believe in, and fearlessly committing to what's right. And it is for that reason that Stone Brewing is immediately disassociating ourselves from the band NOFX. Stone had a sponsorship deal for this summer's Punk In Drublic festivals. Emphasis 'had.' That sponsorship is now canceled."
https://www.sfgate.com/beer/article/Stone-Brewing-nofx-cut-ties-punk-in-drublic-12957386.php




Yeah so here’s the thing Fat Mike – if you’ve got a corporate sponsorship of a festival maybe don’t say anything that can cost you your sponsorship! I mean just ask Roseanne how well that went. But this might be a first – NOFX might be the first band to ever get booted from their own festival!

Well, here’s a first. After NOFX frontman Fat Mike and guitarist Eric Melvin cracked some unsavory jokes about the 2017 Vegas shooting last weekend, their band has been booted from the very festival they started. The inaugural Camp Punk in Drublic—itself an extension of NOFX’s one-day, traveling Punk in Drublic festivals—kicks off tomorrow and will no longer feature either NOFX or Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, the latter being Fat Mike’s punk cover band.

“While NOFX is known for their dark, uncomfortable humor, the festival producers of Camp Punk In Drublic are shocked and disappointed by the band’s recent statements about the Route 91 Harvest Festival victims and country music fans,” reads a press release regarding Fat Mike’s removal. “These statements do not reflect the feelings or views of the Camp Punk In Drublic festival, its staff, and its sponsors.”

Replacing them will be punk legends the Descendents, who will play on Saturday, and The Vandals, who will contribute to tomorrow night’s kickoff party.
https://consequenceofsound.net/2018/05/nofx-booted-from-own-festival/




And by the way, Roseanne might want to take a page into how you do a real apology because you don’t blame the Ambien for your colossal fuck up:

The band have since responded to the controversy with a contrite post shared to their Facebook page on Thursday. “I can’t sleep, no one in my band can,” began a message, presumably written by Fat Mike. “What we said in Vegas was s—ty and insensitive and we are all embarrassed by our remarks.”

The note continued, suggesting that a longer statement was to follow. “We decided we will all get together to discuss and write an in depth, sincere, and honest apology because that’s what the people we offended and hurt deserve.”

Country star Jason Aldean was performing at the outdoor Route 91 Harvest Festival shooting on Oct. 1 when a series of loud bangs rang out from the 32nd floor of the nearby Mandalay Bay hotel. Stephen Paddock, a 64-year-old gambler and real estate businessman who lived in the area, had broken out the window of his hotel room and fired bullets from high-powered weapons into the crowd of 22,000 concertgoers.
https://people.com/music/rock-band-only-get-shot-country-band-vegas-music-festival/





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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Oh you know what time it is? It’s time for this!



And of course Depeche Mode schedules a stop in my home town, on the day of my calculus final. Grr. Yes so of course you know by now you know that people are people, and people are dumb. So who’s dumb this week? Why don’t we start in our favorite state of Florida because why not? You know I’ve been to my local Goodwill Store hundreds of times, never saw this:

BRADENTON, Fla. --
Talk about one heckuva an explosive donation.

Authorities say a grenade launcher, loaded with a live grenade, was left with other donated items at a Florida Goodwill store.

The Bradenton Herald reports that employees at a Goodwill store near Tampa reported the weapon on Sunday.

The Manatee County Sheriff's Office says the store manager told deputies that the grenade launcher had come in a shipment from another store several days earlier. The employees at the other location said they sent it along because they didn't know what it was.

Deputies say they disposed of the active grenade in a Hazmat locker, and the launcher was stored in the agency's property room.

It's not clear who donated the items.
http://abc7.com/society/loaded-grenade-launcher-left-at-florida-goodwill-store/3014308/




Yeah maybe it was that guy who donated the grenade launcher! Next up – a new category that we haven’t explored here yet – dumb professors! So how are you a university professor and you don’t know that Australia is a single country? Well let’s explain.

This is Ashley Arnold, a 27-year-old resident of Idaho Falls, Idaho. She's a stay-at-home mom completing an online sociology degree with Southern New Hampshire University.

As part of her final class, for which she paid almost $1,000, students were required to complete a project outline last month in which they would compare a social norm in the US and another country.

For her "norm" Arnold picked social media use, and for her country she chose Australia.

But when Arnold got her grade back on Feb. 1, she was shocked to see her professor had failed her. Why? Because, according to the teacher, "Australia is a continent; not a country."
https://www.buzzfeed.com/davidmack/australia-is-real-i-swear?utm_term=.ljj9dEjMK#.nh9QMORyG




Yeah come on has that guy not seen The Simpsons? Next on People Are Dumb – our good friend Florida Man! Or maybe Florida Man’s wife Florida Woman! Of course you know the Super Bowl is the best game around, and this time around what happens when you fight during the Super Bowl? Might want to call Jerry Springer for this one!

A Florida woman allegedly injured her boyfriend by throwing a piece of furniture at him during an argument about who would win the Super Bowl, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said.

Cheryl Merrill, 60, was arrested after the incident, which happened at 7 p.m. Sunday, according to a police report. Merrill became enraged during the argument and allegedly threw a wooden shelf at her boyfriend of five years, deputies said.

The man suffered a swollen hand but refused medical treatment. Because of his hand injury, he was unable to sign an affidavit, deputies said.

Merrill was described by deputies as being "extremely intoxicated" and disobeyed orders to remain in the cul-de-sac while deputies investigated the incident, the report said.

Read more: http://www.statesman.com/news/deputies-say-florida-man-injured-during-super-bowl-argument/5XxMdyKXGlh58LRHEsO1xK/




Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Next up in People Are Dumb – we go to the Florida of the North – Wisconsin. So we all get it, we have loved ones, they die. And it sucks but it’s a part of life and we have to accept it. But do we really need to bring fucking pizza into the mix? If I’m planning Nana’s funeral I can guarantee the last thing I want would be a slice of pepperoni supreme!

Pre-planning a funeral is not a fun or comfortable task — that's why Mark Krause, president of Krause Funeral Homes in Wisconsin, added something a little unusual to the table: free pizza.

"People don't think about funerals until they really need them," he explained to TODAY Food. "So we asked ourselves, 'How do we get people to relax about the idea of thinking about this difficult topic ahead of time?'"

The answer? Food. "People are relaxed and open when they're surrounded by food," he said. "You think about everything you do in life... it always centers around food."

Last year, Krause and his team decided to invite potential customers to join them for an informational session to learn more about pre-planning their funerals. Knowing the topic wasn't exactly enticing, he decided that perhaps the main course should be.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/foodanddrink/restaurantsandnews/pie-before-you-die-funeral-home-throws-pizza-party-for-new-customers/ar-BBIu8Iu




Right, what situation isn’t improved by pizza? Deadpool knows what’s up! And come on, Nana didn’t skimp on the toppings, let’s not kid ourselves here! Finally this week for “People Are Dumb”, here’s a real life Rocket Man! Remember this guy from last year? Well he’s back! And he was proved wrong by Elon Musk!

A man who claims that Earth is flat tried to leave it in a homemade rocket Saturday but failed to overcome the gravitational force of a 13,166,800,000,000,000,000,000,000-pound sphere directly beneath him.

In fairness to Mike Hughes, he knows how to build a rocket. He built them for many years under the precepts of classical physics, when he was still a relatively conventional daredevil, which is to say, one who believed Earth is round.

But Saturday marked Hughes's third aborted launch since he declared himself a flat-earther last year and announced a multipart plan to fly to space by the end of 2018 so he could prove astronauts have been lying about the shape of the planet.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2018/02/06/a-flat-earther-finally-tried-to-fly-away-his-rocket-didnt-even-ignite/?utm_term=.3ae6515ea975




Why does Wiley Coyote keep using Acme products if they keep failing? Does he have a buy one get one free card? Anyway that’s it this week for:




[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #15: New York
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From: Idiots #3-15



Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Dotard Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that South Africa’s racists make ours look like chumps, Argentina is an environmental nightmare but has some good politics, and Brazil’s batshit fucking crazy. This week we’re coming home for some much needed R&R before we head out to Asia, the Middle East, and Australia! Here’s the tour schedule:



[font size="6"]New York[/font]



We need some music for this one! Can we get some music please?



Ah yes who doesn’t love Alicia Keys? Well we’re back home everybody! And what better place to talk about than my home away from home, the great state of New York! New York has tons to do, see, visit, like the Baseball Hall Of Fame in Cooperstown. And while there, grab a pint at the venerable Ommegang Brewery, which brewed the official beer for the hit TV show Game Of Thrones! As if I didn’t need a beer to watch Game Of Thrones, but I’ll take one, thanks! You want sports teams? New York has got them – of course the MLB’s Yankees need no introduction, but there’s also their Bronx neighbors, the New York Mets. Football? They’ve got the NFL’s Giants and Jets – and they are forced to share the same room, and as always have a bit of sibling rivalry going on. Basketball? There’s the worst team in basketball, the New York Knicks, and its’ slightly worse and easily forgettable cousin, the Brooklyn Nets. Soccer? There’s the New York Red Bulls. Hockey? They got the New York Islanders and the New York Rangers, which also share the same stadium. College? New York is home to the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference which includes Monmouth, Iona, Siona, and Quinnipiac Universities. You might see them on ESPN and wonder who are these teams again? How about concerts? New York is home to Broadway and the legendary Radio City Music Hall and Madison Square Garden. There’s also tons of great indie rock bands and actors that are from this state. Too many to name, almost! New York is also home to some of the world’s largest financial institutions, and it’s also home to the United Nations, or maybe it won’t be after Dotard Trump gets done with it. It’s also home to the legendary Museum Of Modern Art and Museum Of Natural History, as famously profiled in the hit comedy “Night At The Museum”:



RIP Robin Williams. *record screeches* Wait, didn’t we already cover the states in our Stupidest State contest? Yes we did, but we left out on purpose the two states the GOP loves to hate the most – California and New York. So what is New York the home of? Well they’re reason why a new Constitutional Convention would be utterly disastrous:

New Yorkers make progress. It’s what we do. It’s not always easy—in fact, it seldom is. Every progressive victory in New York history has been hard-won, and, in November, New Yorkers must once again choose progress. Every 20 years, New York voters decide via referendum whether we want to rewrite our Constitution with a constitutional convention. Proponents argue that a convention is the only way to reform Albany. That just isn’t true. The Constitution has already been amended more than 200 times since 1894, with another two amendments proposed for this coming November alone. A constitutional convention would threaten every progressive reform ever adopted by the state of New York. The new Constitution would be written by 204 delegates, and those delegates would be chosen by political machines with the money and influence to get their people elected. During the last convention, less than 10 percent of the delegates were African-American or Latino. It was dominated by judges, legislators and other political insiders. Average people can’t compete. That convention targeted every public resource and freedom in New York, and there’s no reason to think this convention would be any different.
http://amsterdamnews.com/news/2017/sep/21/defend-progress-vote-no-constitutional-convention/




And when you think of gambling where pops up immediately? Vegas and Atlantic City, and maybe the occasional place in Europe like Monaco or Montenegro, but Buffalo, New York has a thriving gaming industry that’s just as corrupt as you might expect:

BUFFALO — This was to be a year of celebration for New York’s booming gambling industry, with gleaming new casinos opening, rapturous bettors flocking in and a win-win for the state, and a torrent of new taxes pouring into government coffers at no cost to anyone but the bettors themselves.

But like casinos — where glitter often hides the grime — the reality has been far less glamorous, with underwhelming returns, evidence of industry cannibalization and a new, sharp-edged conflict between the state and a major tribal gambling operation.

In 2013, Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo signed a law allowing for seven new, full-scale casinos in New York, hoping to revive economic activity and providing new tax revenue in moribund upstate areas. Before that, the state had only licensed so-called racinos, which are connected to racetracks and feature video lottery terminals — similar to slot machines — but no table games like blackjack and craps.

So far that expansion has indeed led to some $70 million in new gaming tax and ample jobs at new facilities and constructions sites, according to casino operators. But early returns from two casinos that opened in February have been weaker than projections, according to the most recent figures posted by the New York State Gaming Commission.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/19/nyregion/new-york-casinos-gambling-tribes-revenue.html




Well not for this piece they’re not! We love New York here, and I come to the east coast quite often. But then there’s the thing that republicans love to hate the most – the budget. And New York’s incompetence on this subject is quite spectacular.

ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) – A new report from a fiscal watchdog group is slamming New York State’s financial practices.

The Chicago-based group Truth in Accounting gives the state a grade of “F” in its new 50-state analysis of government spending and budgeting.

Specifically, the report’s authors faulted New York for its relatively high pension and health care obligations, as well as its high tax burden.
http://wivb.com/2017/09/18/new-york-state-rated-f-for-financial-practices/




Speaking of incompetence knowing no boundaries – there’s Equifax. We already covered Equifax a great deal in this edition but the state of New York was hit the hardest by that. The data giant has been accused of not following cyber rules according to Gov. Cuomo:

WASHINGTON/NEW YORK (Reuters) - New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said on Monday that he wants credit-reporting firms to comply with the state’s cyber-security regulations, the latest government official to crack down on the industry in the wake of the massive Equifax hack.

Also on Monday, Bloomberg News reported that federal authorities have opened a criminal probe into stock sales by three Equifax Inc (EFX.N) executives before the company disclosed the massive data breach, news that has weighed heavily on the stock price.

The company has said the executives were unaware of the hack when they sold the stock for $1.8 million.

Equifax’s legal woes worsened as the U.S Attorney’s office in Atlanta issued a statement saying it was working with the FBI on a criminal investigation into the breach and theft of personal information.
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-cyber-experian-new-yorkequifax/new-york-governor-wants-credit-reporting-firms-to-follow-cyber-rules-idUSKCN1BT1NA?utm_source=34553&utm_medium=partner




I believe Equifax’s reasons for not compiling with the rules are 1) cooking a French bread pizza, and 2) simply forgot. And you know we can’t go to New York without going to New York City. Thank you audience! So Turkish Prime Minister and guy who could school the republicans on how you stage a coup, Tayyip Erdogan, gave a speech in NYC last week, and here’s how it was met – New York style!

Violence broke out at a New York hotel Thursday afternoon when protesters disrupted a speech by President Recep Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey.

In the middle of Mr. Erdogan’s speech, delivered in Turkish, a man — one of a handful of protesters — screamed in English: “You’re a terrorist. Get out of my country!” The ballroom at the Marriott Marquis hotel in Times Square instantly erupted, with many attendees chanting Mr. Erdogan’s name to drown out the protesters.

Videos showed the protesters — one of them wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with a picture of Michael Israel, an American who was killed in a Turkish airstrike while volunteering with the Kurdish People’s Protection Units, or Y.P.G. — being punched and slapped by several attendees as security personnel removed them from the room. Security also removed at least one person who had assaulted the protesters.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/21/us/erdogan-new-york.html




And do what, exactly? Eh… Tracy I don’t know. But one thing we do know – New York City *IS* the home of Dotard Trump Tower.

New York congressman Adriano Espaillat, City Council President Melissa Mark Viverito and other lawmakers have been arrested in a protest outside Dotard Trump Tower.

They were fighting President Dotard Trump's decision to end the DACA program, which protected immigrants who arrived in the U.S. illegally as children.

Espaillat's spokeswoman confirmed to News 4 he was arrested.

"Since day one, the Dotard Trump administration has threatened Latinos, Muslims, LGBT, women, and the list continues. His decision to end the DACA program earlier this month increased the urgency of what's at stake and the lives at risk when we fail to speak out against racism in America," spokeswoman Candace Randle Person said.

Source: NY Lawmakers Arrested in Protest Outside Dotard Trump Tower - NBC New York http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Espaillat-Mark-Viverito-Arrested-DACA-Protest-Dotard Trump-Tower-445780453.html#ixzz4tQpFQnnk





[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

New York is a great place to visit (I’ve been there many times) and a pretty good place to live – especially upstate. Unfortunately not even the perceived liberal utopia can escape the toxic political climate of Dotard Trump.

Tourism: A
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: C
Liberal Appeal: B+

Overall: B+

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

I am coming home people! I get to spend approximately… one week in my home state of California! Whew!!!! Then after that we are off to the Land Of The Rising Sun, Japan!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]30 Seconds To Mars[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen we have saved one of the best for last, I am super excited to have my next guest on, they have a new album called “America”. No tour dates yet but we will let you know. Playing their song called “Dangerous Night”, let’s give it up for 30 Seconds To Mars!!!!




Next week we will be running another Best Of with our favorite picks as selected by you, the readers and fans! We will return with a brand new edition on June 12th live from El Paso! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater Franklin St, Hollywood, CA
Special Thanks To: UCB Theater Management
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of: Editor's Picks Edition (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots May 29 OP
rampartc May 29 #1
Top 10 Idiots May 29 #2
DoBotherMe May 29 #3

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed May 29, 2019, 06:00 PM

1. "Alabama went from being underdogs to winning it all ..."

add Louisiana, Mississippi, Georgia, Missouri, etc and we have an entire conference of "stupid state" contenders.

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Response to rampartc (Reply #1)

Wed May 29, 2019, 06:39 PM

2. Stupidest State contest works this way:

16 states, 4 teams per conference - Family Values (which includes Alabama, Louisiana, Ohio, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Indiana, Missouri, etc), the Batshit Conference (which includes Kentucky, Maine, Georgia, Texas and a whole bunch of others), the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference (which includes Michigan, Nevada, Wisconsin, Kansas, Nebraska, among others), and the Gun Nut Conference (which includes Florida, Montana, Idaho, Oregon, Arizona, etc).

They are put into a bracket style competition and this year it was very fitting that Alabama was the winner. Last year Florida won and the year before that it was Texas.

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed May 29, 2019, 08:36 PM

3. I love this column!

It's a lot to read through but well worth the time

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