Nancy Pelosi Slams Edited Footage With Claim That When She's Drunk You'll Fucking Know It

[kpete]

WASHINGTON—Denying that there was any factual basis to the doctored footage shared by President Trump that suggested she was intoxicated, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi blasted the viral video clip Friday by claiming that you’ll fucking know it when she’s drunk. “Yet again, we have the President spreading baseless accusations on his Twitter feed, this time implying I’ve been drunk on the job, when in reality there’s not going to be any goddamn ambiguity whatsoever when I decide to get loaded,” said Pelosi, telling reporters that she couldn’t have been under the influence in the video because it did not feature her clutching the lectern for dear life while flipping off her colleagues and calling them “a gaggle of cocksuckers.” “This video is a distraction from the malfeasance and cover-ups that this administration is actively engaged in, so let me put this matter to rest once and for all: When I get plastered, I’m a mean-ass drunk, so until you see me actively pissing on the House floor or pressing a broken beer bottle up to [Minority Leader] Kevin McCarthy’s dumb face, you dipshits can rest easy knowing I’ve been sober as a goddamn judge.” Pelosi reportedly went on to do a keg stand on the Capitol lawn to demonstrate exactly what “you fucking geniuses” should be on the lookout for.


https://politics.theonion.com/nancy-pelosi-slams-edited-footage-with-claim-that-when-1835013354

[WhiskeyGrinder]

1. I love this.

[Lars39]

2. Lol

[Mme. Defarge]

3. Damn straight!

[riversedge]

4. I could not believe she said that when I read the headline. It is the Onion of course.

[catrose]

5. Sadly, now America's finest news source

[MBS]

6. Satire aside, Nancy Pelosi doesn't drink alcohol.

From her daughter Christina:
https://thehill.com/homenews/house/445386-pelosis-daughter-responds-to-fake-videos-madam-speaker-doesnt-even-drink

[riversedge]

12. Thanks. I did not know that.

[Politicub]

7. Yes!!

Damn right!

...let me put this matter to rest once and for all: When I get plastered, I’m a mean-ass drunk, so until you see me actively pissing on the House floor or pressing a broken beer bottle up to [Minority Leader] Kevin McCarthy’s dumb face, you dipshits can rest easy knowing I’ve been sober as a goddamn judge.

[Scarsdale]

8. "Sober as a judge"

Any judge but Kavanaugh that is.

[smirkymonkey]

11. Well, we now know that aphorism has lost all it's meaning.

[LAS14]

9. Signs of the times. I had to read this twice before I saw "Onion" at the top. nt

[NNadir]

10. My laugh for the day.

[pangaia]

13. Get this to the dumb shit in the WH.. he'll think it's real

and once again make an ass of himself.

[Mountain Mule]

14. A much needed laugh!

Thanks!

[INdemo]

15. Nancy Pelosi should challenge Trump to an alchohol and drug test

then we will see who has the addiction problem.
I have seen close camera shots of Trump on the stump and his pupils are the size of silver dollars, a sign of cocaine use.
Repeating his words, his slurred speech, is not necessarily because of Dementia symptoms, it could also be because of his cocaine hobbit.

[mcar]

16. ...

[SpankMe]

17. Oh, holy shit this is funny!!

I can't tell you how much I wish she'd really said this!

[NastyRiffraff]

18. I can actually picture her saying that

in private, of course. Or in her mind. And I wouldn't blame her.

However, according to her daughter, Nancy doesn't drink.

[lunatica]

19. This made me laugh out loud!